The title is slightly inaccurate. I’ve also had a small amount of alcohol on a strictly just to be sociable basis.

I’ve been off work this week celebrating my 50th birthday and on Sunday it was a BBQ at Josh and Lyndsey’s house with myself in attendance along with our great mates Laura and Pezza. It was a great afternoon and we were well fed and watered which is standard for one of Josh’s BBQ’s. Afterwards I popped to The Walsall Arms for a quick couple and Jaz the landlady was the first person to buy me a pint on my birthday week.

On the Monday Josh announced to Lyndsey that there was still a lot of meat left. “Is Evo coming around again then?” she laughed. Fair play to Lyndsey she gets the situation. Food cannot be wasted so it was another good feed washed down with 4 episodes of Baby Reindeer. Neither of us were prepared for the events of episode 4 so we had to dash to the Walsall Arms for a pint afterwards.

I don’t recall how it cropped up but on that Monday I’d told Josh and Lyndsey about how at primary school I seemed to be the only kid who liked Semolina so the dinner ladies who I got on well with used to let me eat it all. I would be left on my own in the dining area shovelling this down me while all the other children were outside playing. Of course the downside of this was on the Friday when the boss turned up to asses how the week had gone it would have been like “oh, all the Semolina went again? Bloody hell it goes down a storm here doesn’t it? Better do it again next week.” So apologies to all my primary school friends for how often we had it. Josh had never heard of it and took to Google to try and find out what it was. He couldn’t quite get his mouth round the pronunciation of it coming out with a word which sounded more like salmonella. Had it been called that it might even have put me off. I vowed to get a tin for him to try.

On Tuesday Josh came to mine for a full English breakfast. I’m generally good at cooking these but on one of his more recent visits he threw me by requesting a slice of toast and all was going well until I came to cook this. It unravelled quickly, I spilled baked beans all over the work surface and ended up having a mini meltdown.

I’ve coped better with the toast request since but on this occasion I didn’t suggest breakfast until quarter to midnight so didn’t have time to buy bread which gave me the perfect get out clause.

Post breakfast I headed to the gym to work off some of that goodness. Alas my favourite piece of equipment was out of order. I don’t know what it’s called but it’s the one where you sit down and use your legs to push yourself up the incline. It’s probably got a technical name but I call it the sit down pushy up thing. With that out my routine was reduced. I didn’t want the lady on Reception to think I’d had a shorter than usual work out though so I hid in a toilet cubicle for 20 minutes and checked my social media feeds. Putting the toilet seat down must have burned off a calorie.

On the evening I went to ASDA. I had my personal radio on which is standard and Absolute was playing. I usually sing along, sometimes louder than others. This time on came my favourite song of the moment Nothing Matters by The Last Dinner Party, which reached the chorus as I approached the bread aisle. Forgetting where I was I sang along to the chorus line of “and I will fuck you, like nothing matters.” A couple of women grabbed bread and scurried off. Sorry ladies if I startled you into buy loaves with a shorter shelf life than you usually prefer.

Wednesday was the big day so I headed to Jack & Ada’s. I couldn’t have a full English two days running so opted for poached egg on toast which is divine in there. Paul and Sam were their usual welcoming selves and the first song to be played was I Only Want To Be With You by Dusty Springfield which is magnificent.

I popped to work to drop some cakes in, as I couldn’t be arsed with the hassle of either buying them the night before or on the way to work. The plan had been to buy proper cream cakes but the fridge in the cake section is now filled with booze so Mr Kipling came to the rescue. It only occurred to me on Friday that cream cakes might be in the proper fridge area nowadays but at least I tried.

It was nice to see David and Carole at work and a few other colleagues. Josh then came to pick me up. He was a bit disappointed as he wanted to surprise me with a hot pork bap from the epic food van on Queen Street but it wasn’t there. He thinks he is cursed with that van as since I introduced him to it in January he’s tried to use it 3 times but without luck. If you see it though, it’s worth a visit.

We went back to Josh’s and he gave me ace presents and food. I got home and my mate Morty turned up to give me my card, which he’d forgotten but he gave me a lit to Katz, where I was heading for steak night which occurs every Wednesday.

Woza popped in to have a quick birthday pint with me and then it was upstairs which Jase the landlord had set aside to make it a more private event. Jase, his wife Mel, Asps, Ralph, Becki and Jon headed up there for goodness. As my steak was served it was brought in with a candle in it and they sang happy birthday. I was just pleased that they hadn’t put 50 candles on it or it might have been cooked a bit more than the medium rare that I like. The steak was ace and Ralph paid for it which was very much appreciated. Cheers Ralph.

Chris joined us for a post steak pint and then we all headed up to the Walsall Arms where Josh was waiting. I wasn’t expecting to see him so that was ace, and it was a great day.

On Thursday I headed to Prince Of Wales theatre in Cannock to see my AMCS buddies perform their current show Stages Through The Ages. It was a mixture of songs from shows dating from 1927 to modern times. It was great too see friends in the audience and performing. I’m not currently an active member of AMCS but I miss seeing everyone and being on stage but I’ve written a daft show which I need to focus on for the time being. I’ve done 13 shows with AMCS but that isn’t a number I can stick on. I might return for the late 2025 panto.

Afterwards it was a quick dash to the station as the show finished earlier than I expected and I though I could just make the 22.03 chuff chuff. I did with minutes to spare. Oh great I thought. I’ll be back in Walsall well ahead of schedule. Of course, nothing is straight forward in my life. I wasn’t paying attention to where the train was going, and I didn’t look out of the windows as I was fannying around on my phone. I heard the announcement “next stop is Walsall” and glanced up at the on board sign which also confirmed this. I pushed the button, the doors opened and I prepared to set foot in the Promised Land again. Only to be confronted by a big sign saying Tame Bridge Parkway. Two stations after Walsall. I dashed to platform 2 in case a train was due but it was 12 minutes away. Giving me time to reflect on my life choices. I then wondered if an inspector would be on the train. But then shrugged thinking I’ve got my tickets to and from Cannock, this is their fault. If they think I’m paying to get back to Walsall they can suck my chopper. I’m very anti fare dodging but this time I felt justified. There was no inspector on board.

It didn’t take long to get back and the good thing was that the train I was on now pulled into platform 1 which meant a straight walk off the platform onto the street. The train from Cannock would have plonked me on platform 2 which would have meant walking up the stairs and down the corridor. Oh my God, you read that right. I just made a positive slant on a situation. My friends will tell you that in every situation I will always look for the negative angle but a few of them have commented how my outlook has improved these last few months. There may be more positivity in the blogs to come but don’t hold your breath. When I first typed the p word in that last sentence I got the red line underneath. I right clicked but thee word I wanted didn’t come up. I had another couple of goes at spelling it, even chucking in an e at one point as e’s are good e’s are good but this didn’t work. I got the dictionary out to check and it was right 1st time. Even my pc can’t cope with me being positive.

Friday was the big birthday bash so it was back to The Walsall Arms. The first hour or so was spent outside with discussions ranging from me being urged to have a go at stand up comedy through to football and season tickets. Andy came up with the great idea of Walsall FC issuing season tickets just for the Bescot Bar, so you could have the match day experience of the booze and seeing lots of friends but without having to watch the match. I bet there would be a good take up.

There was a good turnout from my friends and also a surprise appearance from my cousins who I’ve not seen since a funeral in 2021 so that was nice. Then the karaoke started and I was first up. I’ve long wanted to sing “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls and this seemed as good a time as any. I didn’t quite get my voice right in the first verse but then it clicked and I nailed the rest and it went down a storm.

I was then presented with a cake by Jaz while everyone sang happy birthday which was a lovely moment. Everybody by Backstreet Boys is very much my go to karaoke song and Sean put it down for us to do together. Gotta love Sean. Two weeks earlier his band Delayed Response which he is the singer of were playing the reopening night of The Watering Trough and now here he was singing Backstreet Boys with me. I sang How We Do by Rita Ora (known locally as Rita O Ar) as I was up for party and bullshit but this one didn’t really work. Late on me and Sean duet-ted again, this time on Caravan Of Love. Audience participation on this one was immense and it was an absolute blast. Rounded off a brilliant night in a cracking manner. The plan had been to move on around half 9 but everyone was enjoying it so we stayed and I think that worked well.

Yesterday Craig came and we popped to the Black Country Arms and had a pleasant pint outside and then headed to Katz. There was live music on in the form of an Iron Maiden tribute band. They started just as we were about to leave so I said “we can’t go now as everyone will point and say look at those old men leaving cause the music is too loud.” Then another couple left so we were fine. We were on a tight schedule to get food and be in the Walsall Arms in time for the boxing.

We went to what was Gurkha Bhojan which is now called Gurkha Mountain, which was hand as they only had to change half the sign. I know this was the case as I saw them doing it. There is now a tv screen above the bar and stools at it but other than that the lay out is the same. The music? Well it was the kind of sad soft music that you get in a crem pre funeral. It was really odd. The drink menus still had the old name on but the food ones were new.

We got poppadoms but these didn’t seem the freshest. I went for a chicken tikka masalla. The music didn’t improve, “I can’t believe I’m spending the first Saturday in my 50’s listening to this” was one of the few comments we made on this subject. I half expected Gerrard Way, lead singer of My Chemical Romance to come in and start filming the Helena video. With the depressing music not abating it dawned on me that I’m now old enough to go on a Saga cruise and started to wonder if I would get a free pen with my curry.

Finally Craig had enough and asked if the waitress could change the music. She gave him a couple of options, he just said “anything more upbeat please”, She agreed and walked off and then didn’t change it. My curry was nice and got demolished but Craig said his was too spicy. Odd visit.

The Walsall Arms was busy and vibrant. We got good seats and I thought Fury controlled the fight but those 40 seconds when Usyk punched him all round the ring cost him. I thought it would be a draw from the judges. Decent night this and Craig paid for all the food and drinks as a birthday present. Cheers Craig. Top man. I first met Craig in 1992 at Steve Stuart’s 18th birthday bash and it was the night Lennox Lewis fought Razor Ruddock. Steve didn’t have Sky so we listened to it on Radio 5 and got two of the lads to act it out to the commentary which was very entertaining. It’s only taken us 32 years to have more boxing action together.

It’s been a fantastic week. Thanks to everyone who has been involved. Back on the straight and narrow now. Be interesting to see if my work trousers still fit me tomorrow. It might be touch and go, and I’m not doing Divinyls thoughts there.