Evo Boozy Scribbler

A week last Tuesday I headed to London again for more Monopoly board visits.
In Walsall McDonald’s my order was my lucky number 44. I knew it was going to be a good day.

As it was the school holidays, the train had a few kids on it so plenty of shrieking and wailing. It was like listening to Destiny’s Child. I had my Do Not Pass Go book by Tim Moore with me again so I absorbed myself into the chapters on Whitechapel Road and Fenchurch Street and the background noise melted away.

At Euston I headed straight to lost property to see if anyone had handed in the boxer shorts that I lost in June. They hadn’t. I hope their new owners are enjoying them.

As per normal a beaming smile broke out on my face as I approached the Underground. There was a slight hold up as a whole family had a committee meeting in front of the platform destination board but once gone I deduced quickly I needed Victoria Line platform 5. I missed a train by seconds. I wondered if this was my Sliding Doors moment of the day.

Piccadilly was bathed in sunlight as I left Green Park (by the wrong exit again). It felt like a different street to the one I trudged up and down on that grey rainy (remember that?) day in June. It still looks like a building site though, even more so than last time. It’ll be nice when it’s finished.

I had unfinished business with Vine Street after that last unsuccessful visit. This time the place on the corner was open. I strolled in, politely explained what I was doing and asked the bloke on Reception if he’d sign the board. “No no no no. I can’t do that.” There may have been an extra no, I stopped  counting.

A man came down the stairs and sat on a sofa. I approached and had barely got to the x in “excuse me” when he put his palm up and said “no.”

Outside a builder was heading into the construction site on the opposite corner. I asked him and he refused as he was “working on Piccadilly.” Finally I asked a nice looking lady who agreed straight away and wished me “happy exploring.”

Vine Street may have top billing in the orange set but it’s the shitest street on the board and I can’t believe I had to ask 6 people over 2 visits to get it signed off. On the Monopoly Pub Crawl, the nearby Leicester Arms is suggested for this tick, but I wanted it ticked on the street. I have added Leicester Arms to my to do list though. I might go in there one day and make it all about me. They won’t be expecting that.

Bow Street was a lot simpler. I needed a Diet Coke break and headed for the Marquess Of Anglesey. Bloke behind the bar in the pub signed with a smile. I assume this place will be subjected to Westminster Councils proposed bizarre ban on standing in pubs. Will the Bow Street Runners be reformed to help police this?  I sat down to practice.

Orange set done. Now to finish the reds. After London Calling had finished playing.

I always felt I was destined to end up on Fleet Street. Once home to all the countries finest newspapers except for the Walsall Advertiser. I believe they are all gone now. Pubs remain though. I opted for some Ye Olde Cock action. Probably the narrowest pub I’ve been in and there was a squeaky floorboard behind me that was being set off giving me slight horror movie vibes.

Guy behind the bar knew the score. As I wrestled with the board he was “it’s the other side”, “it’s a red” and then pointed it out. “You’ve done this before” I commented and he laughed. Decent pub but at £4.55 for a can of Coke Zero, I feel you’d need to be on a journalists wage to be a regular.

I’m very superstitious and don’t believe in passing on the stairs. In this place this isn’t possible as the ones down to the toilets are a one at a time jobbie. Someone was coming up so I stepped back to let him upand held the door open for which I received no thanks.

At Trafalgar Square I saw an ice cream man. I was straight with him. “If I buy an ice cream, will you sign my Monopoly board please?” He was taken aback but agreed. It seems like decades ago – it was April, when I ticked off The Strand, so this was a good mission. I got another tick and an ice cream. Red set has fallen. Everybody on the Northern Line were jealous of my ice cream. Good job I didn’t have a 99. I’d have been wrestled for it.

Fenchurch Street railway station is a bit odd. You’ve really got to know it’s there and is I believe the only mainline London terminus not connected to the underground. The ladies in the coffee place were brilliant though. Both friendly, the first stressing that my pen was dying so got another one then summonsed her colleague to sign it too which was a struggle as stations provide the least room for scribbles.

I grabbed a much needed coffee and the first lady offered to take pictures of me. Which naturally I accepted. I was wished well for the rest of the day. Cracking tick this. Folks be more Fenchurch Street and less Vine Street.

I did wonder what the lady in ticket office thought when she saw me tap through the barriers, then tap back out 5 minutes later with a coffee.

The Blind Beggar on Whitechapel Road has a bit of a history. The scene of Ronnie Kray’s shooting of George Cornell. Not my first time here as we came before Leyton Orient (a) around 7 or 8 years ago, and on the first day of Pub Challenge 3 in 2017.

I asked the barmaid if she’d sign the board and she laughed, as did a fellow customer. “Do you get that a lot?” “We really do.” She had a sticker ready which was cool. You have to visit The Blind Beggar when in the vicinity.

Whitechapel Road is bustling and of course steeped in history as the scene of Jack The Rippers killings. There is a walk and talk about that I wanted to do as part of this trip but didn’t get round to booking it but I will do it one day, but now it was solo in Soho time.

I’ve heard of Soho and aware of the nature of the place but I was taken aback by how vibrant it was, late afternoon of a Tuesday. The pubs were busy, 2 restaurants had queues to get in – I didn’t join either.

Monopoly was being given half an hour off and I had a side mission at Little Scarlet Door on Greek Street. Greek Street wasn’t living up to its name. I didn’t see a plate get smashed, no shouts of “opa” were audible and there wasn’t any toga parties in the vicinity. I didn’t feel the urge to order Ouzo.

The venue was great, stylish and although I didn’t feel like their usual customer, I had a great chat with the barmaid. I’ll go more in depth another time but this has shot into my must revisit list.

So yes, I need to give Soho a more thorough visit, especially when I saw a sign saying “Gunpowder modern Indian restaurant.” I need that in my life.

I’ve not had a KFC in centuries, since the one in Asda Walsall closed so I dived in one I saw heading back. As I waited I mulled. My train was 90 minutes away. Could I sneak in Coventry Street? It didn’t seem far but with my navigation skills it could be round the corner and I’d struggle to find it – I’d taken a wrong turn coming back from Greek Street so there was scope for a disaster.

Nope, I’m not a brave man, so once the chicken was demolished I headed towards Euston.

On the Northern Line I thought it should embrace its northerness by providing passengers with free gravy and chips. Andy Burnham should look to implement this. Would be a right vote winner.

Back at Euston, to kill time I opted to look for the hotel I’ve booked in October for the final day of this Monopoly thing. Of course I took the wrong turn, walked back the way I’d come and eventually found it once I’d had the ingenious idea of walking the right way. I was giving up though and spotted it just as I was thinking I’d been scammed.

There was 40 minutes left when I got back to Euston and of course I left it to the last second before deciding to buy water for the journey and then having to run for the train. Never a good look.

Great day this. Checking my bank the next day it cost £8.90 for 5 tube journeys and 3 on the bus. I know not if I was charged into and out of Fenchurch Street but you can’t knock that value. It’s £3 from Walsall town via the 3 stops to my house.

Cheers London. 9 properties left to visit. See you in October.

Asps rang me last week to mention that he was taking Josh’s wife Lyndsey out to Lockside Steakhouse in Stourbridge while he was away and did I want to join them. As I’d reviewed The Lockside Cafes in the old BHS and the Saddlers Centre in Walsall while they were open, I jumped at this chance to complete the hat trick. 

A friendly welcome was received and we were quickly seated with Pina Coladas or penis colada as they are known in our circles, ordered. I went alcohol free with mine. 

The menu was extensive and took some perusing. Although in a steak house, none of us ordered steak. I’m sure this contravenes some local by law. 

Asps went for Lamb Henry as it sounded like Lenny Henry, Lyndsey went halloumi and as I’d been craving King prawns all week I went for those although my decision not to have the Black Country faggots continues to eat away at me even as I write this days later.

Other things that caught my eye were the warm Scotch egg starter and the cheeseburger being called Dr Cheese. I am going to campaign for us to employ a Dr Cheese at the Manor Hospital. He or she could prescribe us all some Wensleydale and crackers at dinnertime. Morale would go through the roof.

Asps suggested a sharer as a starter and we went Texas bbq which had pork ribs, chicken wings and corn on the cob. 

There was no music which was fine by me and the conversation was great. My mocktail was epic. 

Food came quickly. I have a take or leave relationship with ribs but my God these were in the take camp. So meaty and flavoursome. The chicken wings were fab. I politely declined corn on the cob. It took me 51 of my 52 years to stop sifting out sweetcorn from Pot Noodles before adding the water but I’m not yet ready for it in on the cob form.

The king prawns were garlic, lemon and parsley flavoured with lemon mayo, fries and flat bread. They were epic. 

Lyndsey couldn’t eat all of her onion rings and offered the rest to me. Onion again is something I’ve only just taken too. I used to remove it from cheese and onion cobs. Which got me strange looks. These were really good. So crispy. 

Asps and I had coffee to finish, espresso and latte respectively. There was time before departure for Lyndsey to send a selfie of her and myself to her husband Josh which he loved.

So, the food was great, service efficient and friendly with superb company. Asps footed the whole bill which was very decent of him. Cheers fella. 

It’s well worth a visit this place. Here is the website. Lockside Steakhouse

Following the success of volume 1 – detailed here, I felt I needed to get back out there and do more curry. Tough job yeah, but somebody’s got to do it.

Kiran’s Balti – 7 Church Street, Darlaston, WS10 8DU. Reviewed 11/05/26.

I’d been on a mission in Darlaston, had an hour or so to kill before I had to be in Wednesbury and was peckish. I was aware of this place having been once before with Cardboard Boxes 2 Go colleagues Shelley, Justine and Ade and upon reaching the place I saw a 4 course meal for £15 offer on. Go on then.

I was the first customer. So early, the waiter had to turn the toilet light on for me.

It’s a nicely decked out place and my table had a choice of black or red chair. I chose red. 

Nargis Kebab could be starter or a main. What was it going to be as a main? An ostrich egg? I need to go back and “research.” The starter list is extensive but obviously as soon as I saw the Nargis it was “come to daddy.” 

Didn’t have to wait long for the Nargis. It was slightly overcooked but I had a good go at the salad. The day before I’d had my first ever “fill your own” salad box from Mozzas (Morrisons) so I must finally be getting a taste for it. Old me would have just picked at the purple onion. Yes, I’m one of those that refuses to call them red onion. 

Chicken tikka massalla and cheese naan was the main and it was great. The naan was one of the best yet. 

I had a panic about if I could pay by card and thankfully I could but the bill came to £17.50 with the coffee which was exactly what I had in His Majesty’s coins and notes so that worked well. The bill came with a chocolate too.

Some more folk had turned up, so I hope they appreciated my good work in getting the loo light on. Strange feeling as I left the curry house in broad daylight but it was a great visit. 

Simla – 29 High Street, Walsall Wood, WS9 9LR. Reviewed 20/06/26.

Rob Harvey messaged one day and offered to shout me a curry for missing my birthday. I’m very easily bought and curry is one of the currencies that I accept. I agreed post haste. He suggested Mizan Spice in Walsall Wood with the recommendation of the chicken tikka. Google and Mizan’s own website said it opened at 5pm so we agreed to meet there at that juncture.

The number 10 bus was behaving – that can’t be said of some of the fellow passengers and I was at Mizan Spice bang on time. Rob arrived and we marched in. “Are you open?” Asked Rob. I don’t like talking so let him take the lead in these situations. “You can have take away, but you can’t sit in until 6.”

We trudged out. “We’ve got an hour to kill then” announced Rob. “No we haven’t. We’re going elsewhere.” I appreciate that this stance makes me sound like a nob. I swear I’m a patient man but when the widest of the world’s web has advised 5pm opening, I’m not hanging around till 6. Wait an hour for my poppadoms? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

We had an emergency committee meeting and opted for Simla on the main street. It’s been on my radar for a while so was up for ticking it off.

After Rob experimented with a couple of parking spots we headed in and no issues here. It’s a cozy little place, and because I’m sad and got absolutely no life I took time to count the seats. It holds 24 but I’m no Rachel Riley so it may be 1 or 2 either way. Decked out heavily with artificial flowers too and it’s a nice environment. We were the first seated customers but it soon became apparent that take away sales were doing well.

“They do Nargis Kebab. Are you having one?” Asked Rob. I hadn’t even looked at the starters. Rob was paying and I didn’t want to take the piss. “Can I please?” “Of course.” Go on then. 

Two Butter Chickens are listed. One called Butter Chicken and the other Tandoori Makhani Masala. I’ve learned about as much in life as Sam Cooke did at school but I do know that Makhani is a posh word for butter chicken so I went for the one with the sexier name and a cheese naan. Along with the obligatory Nargis. 

Rob grilled the waiter before going Chicken Pakora starter, Special Mixed Balti requesting extra chicken within which I didn’t know was a thing. I’d already ordered but I’m so trying that next time. He rounded off with garlic fried rice and 2 chapattis. 2 Chapattis is usually my standard but as we were eating early I wanted filling up hence the cheese naan. Don’t think the place is licensed but I’m willing to be wrong. We both went Diet Coke and didn’t ask about booze.

The Nargis was OK. Cheese naan epic and curry really good. Rob called it standard high street fare and gave it 7/10. He then said I should rank curry meals on how much out of 10 I’d have it as my last death row meal. Yep, this one wouldn’t be that. I then pondered what I’d end up on death row for. I won’t go into that here. I can be quite twisted when I put my mind to it.

Music was standard curry house tuneage but one song towards the end I really got into. I was proper bopping in my seat. Sadly I don’t have apps that can advise song details but I’d describe it as Bhangra Enrique Iglesias who’d been partially inspired by Spin Doctors “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong.” 

Toilet was clean but somewhat compact. Old 16 stone me might have had fun trying to leave it. Music could just about be heard which I know is important to Swill- he docks points for breaches of this.

The hand wipe towels were hot and free chocolate provided which gets points from me.

Decent enough meal. Cheers Rob. I’m off to research what they wear on death row and see if I’ll look decent in it.

Old Engine – 14 Bull Street, Darlaston, WS10 8AX. Reviewed 28/07/26.

I walked past this 3 million times when I was working for Corroy Products, it had a different name then. Two letters I think. JD’s is in my head but appreciate I could be getting mixed up with a sports shop.

My then colleague Marie and I visited every Darlaston pub in search of our Friday dinner time pint venue, but despite being the closest to our work, we didn’t do this place. We were young. We didn’t realise a shorter walk meant more drinking time.

It was 2011, 11 years after I left Corroy that I made my only previous visit when Woza took me in for a Pub Challenge volume 1 tick.

We weren’t going here this night but it ended up being a late, emergency plan b when Gupshup Lounge in Walsall town centre we were going to wasn’t open on a Tuesday despite the times on their Facebook page advising otherwise.

Josh suggested Old Engine, called and checked food times and we made it for 8.45pm, 15 minutes before (food) last orders.

Drinks were cheap. £4.50 for a Sharps Atlantic and a Pepsi Max. The barman lost a point though for giving Josh my change.  

I was famished so didn’t peruse too much, opting just for the large mixed grill £20 while Josh went smaller mixed grill £17 and Masala chips £3. I checked he didn’t want more. I was paying as a thank you to him for all the times he cooks for me at his but he assured me he was happy. 

The mixed grills contained “green tikka” and “Malai tikka.” Not sure on either but the former intrigued me more. I don’t do green food. Cabbage? No. Sprouts? Absolutely not. Peas? I aint John Major. Green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I Am.

Food came quickly – bit too quickly as I was trying to email Josh a document and my phone was playing up and it was stressing me out. I think I thanked the waitress but couldn’t be sure. This stressed me out even more. I must have asked Josh 3 times “did I thank the waitress?” He’d gone into Homer Simpson “can’t talk! Eating” mode.

He got unexpected fish pakora on his which he gave me and I got to work. The thought of not being polite continued to eat away at me faster than I was tucking into the food.

It was really good food though. The Green tikka was different but was good. Time was getting on and we still had another mission at The Green Dragon up the road so I gave Josh my two lamb chops as his cutlery had been dormant for a while. 

Upon finishing I advanced towards the open plan kitchen where the waitress was and basically went overboard with the thanks. It went something like “thank you. Thanks so much. Never had Green tikka before. Thank you for introducing me to it. Thanks again.” They will think I’m polite if it kills me. They were probably thinking ‘alright George, we get the picture. Leave us alone. Or a tip.’

Great visit this. First time there for Josh. He loved it. Good job I no longer work 5 minutes away, I’d be fat and bankrupt after a month 

Toby Tarrant is one of my radio heroes. Mid May he appeared on Chris Moyles’s Radio X show with an announcement. First claiming that he was leaving the station to be the new James Bond. I’ve only ever seen one Bond film – A View To A Kill, but I’d have used my Light Cinema pass to watch him in some 007 movies. He’d be excellent at some of the one liners.

He was jesting. I was glad as he’d be missed on Radio X. He’s on weekdays 10am until 1pm. We have interacted just once before. On 25th December last year he played the Jimmy Eat World version of Last Christmas. This split the audience. I waded in and he read out my tweet proclaiming it as the best version. I stand by this.

The real announcement was his debut stand up show at The Edinburgh Fringe in August. I still dream of doing a show there, am currently writing my second stand up, so I thought I’d make my first visit to said festival to watch the show and check out the vibe. I don’t have many life rules but “don’t turn down a trip to Scotland” is one of them. 

Payday was still 48 hours away but as soon as I got home I lept into action. I had £19 available in my bank – roughly £18 more than I used to have at that time of the month. Enough for a ticket so a few minutes and a mug of tea later I was in.

Payday came and I pondered getting the train back same day. Last one was 6.50. Show was starting at 5 and lasting roughly an hour. I wanted to say hello to Toby at the end. Getting that train would have meant a Phil Collins style Hello, I Must Be Going. Nah

Edinburgh digs were crazy money. I looked at hotels in Glasgow and bingo. By bingo I mean I found one. I wasn’t looking for a hall to play a few games. I got a hotel 5 minutes walk from Glasgow Queen Street railway station. 

I booked a single room for £135. I could pay £5 more for a double bed. Now I had a decision. Do I gamble £5 on me pulling in Scotland? Short answer – no.

Fast forward then to Friday evening and I get an email saying my train to Glasgow the following morning had been cancelled. Cracking banter. I could take the two later ones – no use, the one an hour earlier only went to Carlisle so after a quick Twitter exchange I was on the one 2 hours earlier. My 6 am get up was now 4.45. Which also ruled out my McDonald’s breakfast en route to the station. A long journey without a toffee latte to start it? That will not become a regular feature.

Train journey went well bar a 20 minute delay caused by sheep on the line. Not our train. The one our Train Manager was travelling on to join us at Preston.

I stepped out into Glasgow for the first time. I’ve been to Cumbernauld before when Walsall played Clyde pre season years ago but that’s as close as I’ve got. My mates say it’s an amazing pub crawl though. 

There were no England flags. Thought there would still be some up from the Commonwealth Games but they must have been removed sharpish after the closing ceremony.

It wasn’t raining. A running joke on Nick Abbott’s LBC show is him telling the good folk of Glasgow that it is going to rain there every day for the rest of their lives.

I got a smile off a lady, I smiled back then realised it was for someone behind me.

I was staying at The Z Hotel. Check in was at 3. I’d messaged the day before pleading to check in 15 minutes early. They messaged back with the checking in early tariff. This is where the 2 hour earlier train played a blinder.

After a friendly and the most welcoming of welcomes ever, the five pound I saved on the double bed I used to check in at 1pm allowing me time to shower, drink tea, read some of my book and just relax. 

I have a reputation for liking a shit rough pub, and a dodgy cheap hotel. This wasn’t one. It was modern and stylish with a glass lift. 

Room was great. Television was on and broadcasting a channel I’d never heard of Legend Xtra and showing some soft of space war epic. Everyone involved was very good looking. I felt reassured on that basis that I’d never be called up for said war and celebrated by sticking the kettle on again.

Back in reception, I thanked the lad for the early check in, announced “that’s the best £5 I’ve ever spent” shook his hand and called him a top bloke. Feeling like I’d bothered him enough for the day, I set off for the next instalment of the mission.

Glasgow Queen Street railway station was very busy, even 3 pigeons were in attendance. At one point they landed and a little kid chased them away. This made me quite edgy. I haven’t forgotten what happened in Final Destination 2.

I was peckish. I approached the M & S Foodhall with a sense of trepidation. I couldn’t afford M & S when it was in Walsall so was already wincing on behalf of my bank manager as I stepped inside with railway station pricing already factored in. Turns out it was £3.75 for a ham and cheese sandwich. I’ll take that. No cashiers so self service only. The guy next to me, in the most Scottish accent I heard all day told his machine to “fuck off.” We’ve all been there.

In Edinburgh the taxi queue was lengthy, I’m talking Walsall Town Centre by the Cenotaph on a Friday night in the 90’s lengthy. I’d tried to research walking but with my navigation skills and the Google maps streetview not looking easy to fathom, plus the show starting in 50 minutes I decided to join the queue.

The queue went quickly, I got in one and the driver was “would have been quicker to walk pal. It’s a 10 minute walk and a 15 minute drive.” He wasn’t joking. Plenty of gridlock on the roads and I’ll say this for Edinburgh, they love their traffic lights. They were all changing green to red. David Gray would have been very impressed.

The meter was going up even at red lights and it was up to a tenner while I could still hear trains pulling into the station. And then we were there. Driver was decent so I gave him a tip and departed. A short walk to the venue Gilded Saloon – Basement.

Pre show music was provided by The Rolling Stones – Toby’s favourite band. I must have missed She’s A Rainbow while I was in the taxi.

The show itself was hilarious, it was like him on the radio but more laddie. Anecdotes about his dad Chris Tarrant and a corker about an old lady on a train who hadn’t locked the toilet door. I could relate to this as I had a similar experience albeit with a bloke. On a train back to Walsall a few years back I pushed that button and the door slowly opened like it was revealing a star prize on a old skool game show. What it revealed to me was a bloke having a shit. Unlike the bloke in Tony’s anecdote, I had the decency to hit the close door button before heading back to my seat. I did allow myself a smile when the ‘toilet in use” sign lit up seconds later.

Other highlights and I won’t give spoilers if people are googling – alien anal probing, 5g butt plugs, an impression of Shaggy realising he’s left a tap running, telling how he had to put death threats that he received in Spanish into Google Translate following an on air Justin Beiber joke and a mention for Princess Anne. 

An ongoing theme throughout the show was him starting to talk about a Mexican restaurant in Soho that looks lime a sex shop – before going off on a tangent. I’m actually making my first visit to Soho tomorrow. Hmmmm. 

Guess who hadn’t turned their phone off? Yep, mine was the one that went off, twice. One being an email offering me a credit card, the other a WhatsApp asking if I wanted to go to a pub in Walsall. I declined both.

I got to meet Toby at the end and had a quick chat. He comes across as a top bloke on the radio and he certainly is. I’m currently on a mission to visit every London Monopoly property and I wanted to ask Toby if he’d sign my board on Leicester Square where the Radio X studio is, when I’m in London in October but I got scared and bottled it. He recently signed an Old El Paso box for someone so is used to bizarre requests. I wonder if that bloke started eating that after visiting a Mexican restaurant in Soho.

I also met his lovely wife Pippa who used to be on Moyles’s show and was hilarious. Especially with tales of how men would try and get her phone number and when she joined a gym an instructor wanted her to strip to her bra and pants during an induction. I had a picture with her and to be courteous I asked if I could use it in a blog. She thought I asked “can I use it on the bog?” She saw the funny side but my God why do I always make things unintentionally awkward?

Post show I couldn’t be arsed with trying to sort a taxi. So I attempted to walk. Edinburgh, whilst they like their traffic lights, they aren’t so keen on sign posts but unlike me I asked 4 people for directions and found the station just in time for an earlier train. 

Edinburgh is so vibrant, there are just people everywhere. If you don’t like people it’s possibly not for you but it’s cool and cultural. I could learn a lot from it.

En route I passed Cockburn Street. Topical as one of the last jokes of the show was about the damage from shagging a hot burrito.

Back in Glasgow I headed for Curry House as it’s simply called. Why pick a fancy name when you can go down the “it does what it says on the tin” route? I’d seen it on the bus earlier and hoped I could find it. Even I couldn’t mess this up. 

Crispy chicken wings and tempura King prawns were epic. I loved a lamp in there. I hadn’t said anything stupid all day so I clearly needed to tick that box and asked the lady if they were real fish inside.

Normally at this point I’d say she looked at me like I was talking Chinese but on this occasion that would have been fine. No I got the puzzled look I deserved and a simple but flat “no they’re not.”

Food over I tried to have a quick drink in Flight Club as it was next door to my hotel. A bar chain I believe that is for playing darts and drinking. I’m no Luke Littler. I would never have stood a chance of winning a teasmade on Bully’s Prize Board, however I do get called Michael Van Gerwen regularly. I should have worn my lime green t-shirt, pretended to be him and got everyone to buy me drinks.

That would have been in vain though as I was turned away for not having a booking. I can’t tell you anymore. We all know the first rule of Flight Club. 

No skin off my dick though and I just went back to my hotel room for a mug of tea – if only I’d won a teasmade, and a listen to The Legal Hour on LBC. You might think I’ve changed but I had been up a long time.

Superb day. I’ll finish off by saying that Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan came on as I walked into breakfast the following morning. She’s not had a mention on this blog for about 4 editions so had to get that in.

Nick Abbott will be delighted to hear that it was raining in Glasgow as I left the hotel.

It was nice to finally take this blog out of England. Edinburgh, and Glasgow are two great cities. I’ll be back. Hopefully to hold a microphone in the former.

We visited Bewdley regularly as kids. My parents had a static caravan there and weekend stays were regular. However, as soon as I was old enough to stay at home on my own, that was it. I never went back to the caravan. Eventually my parents gave it up. After a couple of family tragedies I returned in 2013, a quarter of a century later – to reconnect with my childhood.

Mase and I had a sensational pub crawl there in 2018, we went again in 2019 with Ben and planned a 2020 visit until Covid put paid to it. And that was it. Until yesterday when I headed back.

The train was a quiet affair which I could cope with. Down the line a man and his young son got on. I’m no eavesdropper but could hear their football chat. This culminated in a quiz. I played along in my head. The kid did much better but in my defence it was all modern Premier League question. I sat and waited for the 1990s Walsall FC category but it didn’t come because they alighted at New Street. I did get a point for knowing the name if West Hams ground and awarded myself a bonus one for knowing the old one too. I should have thrown a shoe over a building. That’s the real quiz.

I had to change at Smethwick Galton Bridge. You may recall the kerfuffle I had last time I was there. If not it’s here, but this time I’d done my research, knew which platform I needed and despite only having 7 minutes to negotiate signs and stairs, I made it – even allowing myself a Tim Henman style raised clenched fist gesture as I hit the platform. I was soon hurtling towards Kidderminster.

I needed the Severn Valley Railway, a preserved steam train line between Kidderminster and Bridgnorth. 

Kidderminster Station on the SVR is picturesque. I wanted to take pictures but was worried about my phone battery. Whilst the bezzie Josh loves a flat phone battery, I don’t.

The journey was great. The train was being pulled by an LMS locomotive which my dad would have been happy with. The third class coach was better than some modern ones. We passed the Safari Park and some people on the train waved at the rhinos. I didn’t. I’m a miserable sod. I liked to think the rhinos didn’t give a shit about being waved at.

It was a very pleasant walk into Bewdley. Its bustling but tranquil if that makes sense. The River Severn just looks amazing and the town looks as it did hundreds of years ago. It’s beautiful.

First stop was Bewdley Brewery Tap. I’m sure that back in the 1980s this was The Brass Rubbing & Arts Centre. Unfortunately the B & r of Brass fell off. We begged our dad to tale a picture and send it to Esther Rantzen. He eventually did but that night we sat down for That’s Life – standard Sunday evening in our house, and someone had beaten us to it. It got a big laugh from the studio audience too which didn’t help. 

Anyway it was my first visit to this tap and it’s great. A whole wall dedicated for award certificates and another with big old maps. Lots of brewery paraphernalia dotted around, friendly barmaid and air con made this a good start to the day.

There were stools and a bench outside the toilets so if you partner likes a long toilet visit like a former friend of mine does, you have somewhere to wait if you’re on the way out.

The Little Pack Horse was next. This one has always eluded me but was open this time. I tentatively made my way down the very dark side passage and was almost nervous as I crept in with my eyes still adjusting. Barman was welcoming though and straight onto me as he’d seen me taking pictures of the brewery. Locals were friendly too, thinking I was Facebook content creator Dudley Explorer who’d been in the town a couple of days previously.

There were two dogs, one of which was called Eric which is a great dog name. More dogs should be called Eric. Andy Burnham should legislate this. Eric befriended me. He was ace.

Music was mostly Bryan Adams but we were treated to the Roy Orbison original of I Drove All Night which is as epic as it is creepy. As I finished my drink on came the Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark classic Walking On The Milky Way. I’d have sat it out but I had walking on Bewdley High Street to do so I bade my new friends, both human and canine goodbye and headed out.

When I first came back to Bewdley in 2013, I stayed over. I looked for digs and was intrigued by The Woodcolliers Arms which had rooms. The reviews were mixed, one calling the owner Basil Fawlty with all the opinions split between love and hate for him. I knew I had to stay there. We’d driven past it millions of times as kids. I knew it become a private dwelling a few years ago but I still had a look.

In 2018, Mase and I were running out of time and had to pick between Horn & Trumpet and The White Swan and picked the former purely because it had an England flag in the window. It seems to have had a makeover in the intervening years. The barmaid listed the available cobs and she had me with ham and cheese. After the outrage that I caused in Alvechurch requesting ham and cheese on the same cob (relive cobgate here) I was pleased to hear that they are readily available in other parts of Worcestershire. 

This was the busiest pub of the day so far but there was room at the bar and I perched myself there. Televisions all over the place showing a variety of sports. Had it been a couple of hours later I’d have asked if they could find a stream for the Walsall v Notts County friendly.

I hadn’t made anything awkward yet. This was to change in The White Swan. “Do you do coffee?” I asked whilst looking strait at the coffee machine behind the bar. I think she thought I was taking the piss. Both ladies were friendly and it was a much needed coffee whilst some absolute classics from the 80’s played out including the Whitney Houston song where she does a Ric Flair impression at the start.

Something about this pub that I like. It’s upmarket but feels traditional. Sorry we missed you in 18 White Swan.

Across the road is Weavers Of Bewdley. Very cool place with a music wall of vinyl single sleeves, with ELO Last Train To London blasting out. Which was nice as it reminded to check the train back to Kiddy. As much as I love Bewdley, I didn’t want an overnight stay, especially as there would be no interaction with Roger at The Woodcolliers.

Next up was The Talbot. This was my must tick of the day. Eluded me on previous visits, and not open when I’d strolled past after leaving The Little Pack Horse. Deep joy though when I saw the door open. 

Did I make a nob of myself? Of course. I was looking up ruefully at the mind your head signs, which were a good foot above me, completely missed the mind the step one, the step itself, stumbled down it and spilt drink everywhere. I sheepishly returned to the bar to ask for a mop. Fair play to the barman, he said he’d sort it. Thanks fella. Reminds me of one of my favourite jokes. Skeleton walks into a pub and says “can I have a pint of lager and a mop please?”

The pub is cool. Decked out with old tech, a typewriter which brought back memories of the hours I spent bashing away at mine in the 80’s and 90’s.

Music was good including Saturn 5 by Inspiral Carpets, which caused me huge frustration recently when the lyric “that’s a popular misconception” popped in my head and I couldn’t remember which song it was from. I had to wait for Virgin Radio to play it as I wasn’t allowed to Google it as per Frank Skinner’s rule.

I stayed for a second, not because I lost some of the first but because I loved the place. Had a chat with the barman who was cool and landlady Sandy told me about the pub. She’s had it 38 years and clearly loves the place.

Final stop was The Real Ale Tavern. Bewdley’s Black Country Ales pub. The sign outside advised air con which I’d never seen as a pubs selling point before but I bet it’s pulled in some passing trade. The reverse side advised of a cheese night every Wednesday which also enticed me. Alongside the well filled cobs there was also duck food which I’ve never seen in a pub before.

En route back to the station I made a pit stop at Riverside Pizza & Grill. Food was good and the bloke serving was descent. Nice last bit of Bewdley action. 

On the train back someone announced that the rhinos had gone. Probably didn’t want to get waved at again.

Back in Kidderminster, I went to The Old Peacock Inn, eventually despite unhelpful townsfolk. The one time I’m brave enough to ask it doesn’t work. I eventually called a taxi and let the driver do the finding. Great pub though and rounded the day off a treat. I’ll report on that one another day.

Superb day. Mase has said Bewdley 27 is on. Counting the seconds.

Early start last Saturday. Missions like Mozzas and the bank to start the day.

Absolutely none of my business I appreciate but a guy in Mozzas spent £50 on the £5 Millionaire Maker scratchcards. You should only gamble what you can afford to lose and if he can afford to lose £50 then good luck to him. Hope he got the million. Conversely I looked at the £1 scratchcards and thought ‘maybe on payday.’

The early start was so I could meet Villa Chris again. Our mutual friend and fellow Walsall FC fan Claire had helped me out last season so I offered to take her out and shout her food on one of my Walsall eaterie reviews and this developed to drinks in Birmingham along with her partner Phil and the aforementioned Chris. 

Claire and Phil were going to the Walsall FC kit launch so we agreed to meet them in Brum with Chris getting on the bus by his house and me by mine.

Chris is obsessed with the X51 bus and has been trying to get me on it wth him for decades. With the trains on limited service due to strikes, finally he could tick that box. 

It was roasting on board. Upon arrival I felt my shirt. My “72 hour” deodorant had failed within 3 hours of it going on. Chris found a shop and bought us bottled water. I just wanted to hold it on my head.

This was my 3rd successive Saturday trip to Birmingham. First was the magnificent day with Chris and James that you can catch up on here.

2nd though was less successful. I had a big jar of loose change to weigh in and because I didn’t want to pay the near 12% charge at the Coinstar machine, I had the best idea ever. It would be cheaper to get the train to Birmingham and use the version of the machine in Santander that does the sane job, without charge with the money going into your account.

Regular readers will know that when I have the best idea ever, it quickly goes to shit and this was no exception. I lugged the heavy jar there to be told they got rid of the machine “ages ago.”

So I’d spent the rest of that weekend sorting the coins out, taking all the 20p ones to Santander in Walsall on this morning with the money covering a hotel stay in August and the rest going to the Coinstar machine in Mozzas which allowed me to come out of austerity for today.

So as we past the Santander in Birmingham now, I took the trouble to flick them the v’s after last Saturdays banter from them. 

We met Claire and Phil and jumped on the Metro. Strolling along Broad Street I sneezed 3 times in quick succession, two noticeably more audible than the other which caused people to look round. My manager at work David says that if you sneeze 3 times in a row, you can make a wish.

One wish – female related popped straight into my head but having seen the film Obession I disregarded it and wished instead for a stress free England victory over Norway in the World Cup that evening.

We were making a return to The Vine. I said in the last blog that I intended to come again but did think it would take longer than a fortnight. We’d been enticed back by the World Cup menu. 

Upon entry we asked if food was on to be told by the barman “I’m on my own, I don’t usually do the food and I don’t know where things are. If I can find it, you can have it.”

We settled down but after a minute or so I moved to the left slightly. I wasn’t doing The Timewarp and to the untrained eye it may have looked like I was trying to get closer to Claire. In triuth, and I’m a strange creature of habit I was just trying to be in the exact same spot I’d been in a fortnight before. 

We perused the menus and ordered. I swear that I tried to pay for my food but Chris waved away my attempts. They actually do a crisp sandwich. Never seen this on a menu before. Had Prawn Cocktail crisps been an option, I’d have been all over it.

No Downton Abbey on the big TV this time but England Cricket instead. We were 108-4 but I know not who we were playing. I’m sure it will be on the BBC website if you need to know.

Food came quickly along with 3 of the emptiest sauce bottles I’ve ever encountered. I failed to get any joy so Chris stepped in to help. The sight of him vigorously shaking a bottle of Mayo then trying to splurt its creamy white goodness on my food was strangely relaxing.

Music was varied with classics like Panic Af Disco “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” with a dollop of randomness provided by Milli Vanilli with “Girl I’m Gonna Miss You”. I joined in with this and therefore providing more vocals than they did. I’ve always wondered if you request to do a Milli Vanilli song at karaoke, do you then have to get someone else to sing it? Just to keep it real. 

As mentioned in the last blog, I love the purple colour of the toilet doors. I concocted a plan. “Claire on the way out, could you and Phil create a distraction please? Me and Chris will then sneak the toilet doors out.” I have the perfect place for the male one. What I’ll do with the female one requires further thought.

We departed, I forgot the doors – guess I’ll have to go back, and we headed to Broad Street where I spotted two ladies walking along under an umbrella.

It wasn’t raining, although I hadn’t checked the weather forecast I had no reason to believe any downfall was imminent. They seemed happy enough though so fair play. Prepared for any sudden downfall. They do happen nowadays.

We headed into Reflex. Only my second visit, it was the final tick – number 404 of the Pub 365 Challenge (vol 1) in 2011.

Even before I’d got a drink, a lass was over dancing with me. She was only messing about, but was dressed in white and looked stunning so I enjoyed the moment.

The music was 80s and all excellent. “Kiss Me” by Stephen TinTin Duffy being the pick of them and I actually threw some shapes to that one hoping to impress the plethora of ladies in the vicinity. They weren’t. In another life I’ll have the guts to try and chat one up but not in this one. 

It was red hot in there and I stood under an air vent willing cold air out of it. Chris sneaked behind and picked me up by the armpits like we were in a ballet. He wouldn’t have manged that 10 years ago when I was the build of a wardrobe. I was just glad my shirt had dried there.

Claire and Phil had to be elsewhere for the match so we walked them back towards New Street then went hunting for more refreshments.

We tried to get in a new bar 24 Stories but were turned away as there was no room at the Inn giving us a Christmas feel even earlier than normal. It wasn’t just us as a group of ladies were also refused entry. Chris led us on following yonder star.

He took us to Newhall Street Tavern. I thought it looked familiar but unticked by myself. I’ve since discovered it used to be Edmunds Brewhouse which was always on my to do list. The barmaid asked if I wanted ice in my Coke and I said “I’d rather have some for my head” and she gave me extra in a separate glass. Top lass. It felt so good on the back of my neck.

For some reason I couldn’t get up on the high chair. I had to use the bannister behind while Chris held the table. Not my best look. I won’t be making a Wimbledon umpire anytime soon. 

Chris said he was going to the loo to wet his t-shirt and he wasn’t lying. He came back with it saturated. He’d have won contests back in the 90s looking like that. 

The barman had a shirt bearing the Rolling Stones logo with the tongue as an England flag. So cool.

A passing barmaid swiped my glass which still had 1 ice cube in which I’d been saving for one last refresh which cost them a point but it was a decent first visit.

Next up was The White Swan. A new one for both of us.Stylish place, central bar which I always like and the best toilets ever. Chris is our Crisps Correspondant and they had some even he hadn’t seen before which were decent.

The barman had been hunting for bags of ice cubes and reporting that all the supermarkets had run out. No wonder the barmaid in the last place grabbed my remaining one. Rationing kicking in again.

There is a wine room which can be hired and when I finally meet a lady we are so going there for a date*.

*This promise may not be honoured when I find out the price.

There were stairs next to this room and Chris marched up them much to my horror. “You can’t go up there” I protested but to no avail. I followed upstairs and it led to a hotel reception.

There was an umbrella hire facility which I’ve never seen before and marvelled at. We need these in Walsall. They’d make a killing just from Swill who is forever losing them. Those ladies on Broad Street must have also seen it and wanted in hence them holding one gleefully.

I paused by the door as we left to allow 4 women in and two of them thanked me. Duly added doorman to my CV.

As we were close to Needless Alley, the best street name ever I had to pay a visit but I was forbidden to walk down it for my own good. I resisted the urge to give it a Mark and Lard style “no need.”

The Windsor on Cannon Street is being transformed into an O’Neils. Chris had wanted to show me on the morning but I turned it down citing “I don’t need to see ot.” Fake news. Truth however was that seeing that would have deviated me away from the Santander that I wanted to flick the v’s at. Someone at O’Neils didn’t proof read the sign before it went up though. It says New Street rather than Cannon Street. This person, like a cannon should be fired.

The trains appeard to be running again so we headed to New Street. Chris said “I bet there will be some of your lot (Walsall fans) at the station.” We’d had our first pre season friendly away at Lemington and he was right. We struck up conversation on the train and they sit in the next block to me at Bescot. I asked the lady to give me a wave at the next home game and advised it’s usually about 3.10 when I walk in.

Back in Walsall Chris announced that he was having one more drink then heading home for the match so after a short while in Wetherspoons we said our goodbyes.

The 51 bus by the Town Hall gave “come to me” eyes, or should that be headlights and I deduced that having already tapped onto a bus a couple of times, this tap would be free under the daysaver scheme and despite living just 30 minutes walk away, I gave into those alluring headlights.

I got home, it was meant to be just a freshen up mission but auto pilot kicked in. The kettle and radio went straight on which is standard procedure for when I walk in. This was followed by the air fryer and slippers going on. I’d had no notifications that anyone was heading out for the game so after The Legal Hour on LBC I stuck the television on.

The Sneeze Gods that I prayed to on Broad Street partially listened hey. I just wish I’d had a hat trick of sneezes on Wednesday. 

Cracking day. Cheers Claire, Phil and Chris. 

Last Saturday started in standard fashion. Up at 6, make mossiv mug of tea then back to bed to listen to Tony Blackburn’s Sounds Of The 60s on Radio 2. The 7am listener request was Rainbow Valley by Love Affair. I knew at this point that a class day was incoming. 

Villa Chris had been on and we’d arranged a day out. I say we’d arranged but in truth he had. I had no knowledge of destination, just that I neded to be at Walsall Railway Station at 1pm with a bus, train and tram daysaver. I’d not seen Chris since he’d turned up in Katz on Christmas Day but it had been a year since our last trip out, the magnificent Sophie B. Hawkins gig which you can catch up on here.

The trains were being grumpy due to the heat, I could relate – I had been like it at work too. They were being cancelled and there were only two trains an hour to Birmingham so we liaised and arranged to meet ten minutes early to catch the “fast” one.

It was busy and at the end of the carriage were 8 ladies, clearly out for a good day. Chris mentioned “imagine if the world ends while we’re on this train and only the folk on here survive. It would be down to us and them to repopulate the world.” I replied that it sounded quite 28 Days Later but with shagging and that I might start writing it. Netflix would snap it up. I didn’t mention the obvious flaw to his plan, the fact that other men were on the train. 

As the train hurtled towards Birmingham thete was a strange incident. One of the women did a shimmy up to me and then turned around and headed back. It was filmed and I mentioned to Chris that it would be on TikTok in minutes and it was about time that I made it on there.

At New Street the escalator was working. Hope you were sitting down for that bombshell. For a dose of normality though, the lift wasn’t. 

The 3 of us, sorry – not mentioned James yet, headed to the Bull Ring, don’t think I’ve been in there since the 80’s when it was a totally different building. Straight away we heard the beep beep of someone forgetting to pay before leaving a store. 

As we past the North Face store I saw a great slogan on the wall. “Never stop exploring.” That’s my new mission statement. Chris pointed out that there is an Aston Villa shop downstairs. I pointed out that I may not pop in. 

An escalator was broken. With a Birmingham broken escalator now under my belt I could relax and enjoy the day.

As we left the centre we saw we’d just missed a 35 bus. My fault for fannying around at New Streer. Only 10 minutes until the next one so no bother. Chris showed me his bus daysaver. They have a unique word each day so the driver knows it’s valid. Todays was “Flop” I said “hope that’s not an omen for the England match later.”

If you need a break from the hectic modern life, just catch a bus in Birmingham. You’ll have ample time to catch your breath while it sits in traffic. To liven things up, 3 passengers changed seats. I didn’t know bus Musical Chairs was a thing. Chris had brief chats with one of them but despite me being closest to the guy, I didn’t join in. Making friends isn’t for me.

We passed some closed pubs including The Lamp Tavern which is just the best pub in Digbeth. Please, someone take it on. We were heading to the Sir Charles Napier. I said I may have been in on Pub Challenge 3 but couldn’t remember it. I’ve since checked my notes and yes, I ticked it off in 2017 when it was called The Fountain. I loved it that day.

It was windy while I took pictures and the breeze was amazing. I nearly stayed outside. However inside big ceiling fans were in operation which were very welcome. The locals were friendly and one of them hit the jukebox and put some corkers on. We had ac/dc for starters and Song Of The Day contender Bankrobber by The Clash although The Strokes rocked up next with Last Night to stake their own claim for the title.

No World Cup paraphernalia was evident save for a sweepstake poster. I’ll drop them an England flag in if we make the final. 

I had a message from my mate Mark Egan – the video of the lady on the train had already made it to Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/18uVrzF1Bw/

En route to the next pub we incured the wrath of a bloke cycling on the pavement who gave us an angry hand gesture as he negotiated his bike around us. I was always told as a kid that cycling on the pavement was illegal but appreciate it’s seemingly allowed nowadays like a lot of crime. 

We headed to The Twelfth Man, a new one on me. A pub handily placed to refresh Cricket fans who have been to Warwickshire’s Edgbaston Stadium.

What the last place was lacking in England flags, was made up for it here. They were everywhere. Even on the toilet doors.

Chris won the £100 jackpot on the fruit machine making me wonder if we were getting out of there alive. He joined me and opened a discussion. “I had the Cricket Curry in here once.” I was peckish and wondering if they did food “Really?” I asked. “Yeah. It gave me the runs.” “I can’t believe I walked into that.”

We headed to the nearby chippy The Island House. I really don’t do fish and chip shops anymore so was was all over that. No cricket puns on the menu. Surely the jumbo and regular sausages could have been called stumps and bails. I meant to try and think of some cricket based chip shop puns but forgot. Feel free to put your own in the comments. I dived straight on the small mixed meat and chips. Normally it’s large as standard with me but I’m on an economy drive and trying to be more healthy nowadays so I got Chris to have most of the chips and some meat.

Next up, after a very welcome bottle of water and an Uber – both courtesy of Chris’s winnings we arrived at The Vine, close to Five Ways and Broad Street but just about in Ladywood apparently. Traditional, back street and It just hit me as a great pub on entry They were just putting out a buffet which was very decent of them. We’ve just eaten but thanks. If pub love at first sight is a thing then this was it. Apparently it’s threatened with redevelopment. It needs saving. It’s a gem. 

The pub was already busy with people in England shirts ready for the Panama match but the big screen was not showing sport. I had to Google the ITV1 schedule as I didn’t know what it was. Downton Abbey. I gather it’s a popular show but I’ve never seem it and despite having a great view, it didn’t grab me.

The music did though and it was all 80s as was the feel of the commercial break in Downton. I wasn’t paying attention and maybe I had a bit of sunstroke as I’m sure I caught out the corner of my eye the words Renault 5 on screen. This was my joint favourite car as a kid along with the 4 and the Feugo. Wasn’t the slogan “what’s yours called?” Mine would have bern called Chloe. Thanks for asking. 

Pub had great retro signs, there was a bonus point for the shade of purple that the toilet doors are and the World Cup food menu was amazing. £3.50 for a double cheeseburger in Birmingham, that close to Broad Street? It’s £6.50 for one of those at my beloved Walsall FC. Had England v Democratic Republic Of Congo not kicked off half an hour after I finished work, I’d have been heading there. But I will be back. This place needs a revisit.

Next was Peg & Grill on Bishopgate Street. Certainly not a new tick this one as I went in numerous times when it was a Highgate pub called The City Tavern and also once as The Bulls Head in 2021 when it was trying to be Peaky Blinders themed. Now a desi pub and it’s not really a stroll in for a pint place, you have to book a table but they let us have a reserved one for half an hour. 

It’s so different to it’s former self. I startled a waitress in the back room when I was having a nose. Meekley explained that we used to have meet ups in thete in the 90s. She didn’t seem convinced.

There is a 5% discount for paying cash. I’m all over that. Kimbo who is on a mission to tick off all the Midlands desi pubs has been summonsed to join me. Dunno what was to die for in here the most, food or air con? Food. Just. Smelt amazing. One mixed grill was piled so high that James said you’d need a ladder to get on top of it.

Next up was Snobs. Retick as I went in about 10 years ago when it was called Oh Velvet. Maybe it was a bit early for trendy bars as there weren’t many in but the barmaid was decent.

On Broad Street is a branch of Lee Longlands. Chris asked if I remembered the 80’s advert. We both belted out the jingle “leave it, leave it, leave it to Lee. Leave it to Lee Longlands.” I’ll be wanting to go to Barretts Of Feckenham next.

We popped to Eimear’s next, another new one for me. An Irish bar with two lads on drums and a guitar respectively. They were decent and there was a good amount of people in. Chris shouted the Tayto crisps which he said was compulsory in an Irish bar.

Enjoyable as it was in there, time was getting on. We’d said we’d be back in Walsall for the England game. Since the London trip I’ve been on self administered austerity measures again, have barely been out and for the first time since Italia 90 when I was too young to drink – I’d watched England tournament games at home. So I wanted England v Panama action in the Walsall Arms. I’m under austerity until August but on this day the purse strings were being relaxed and I wanted to show me face in the Arms as it had been a while.

Chris and James were enjoying Brum so I told them to stay put but I’d make my excuses and leave. I just missed a tram outside and the next one wasn’t for another 16 minutes so I opted to walk, thinking I’d just beat it to New Street. It was a very pleasant walk with a buzz in the air as many folk in England shirts mingled about.

There is normally a train back to Walsall at 20.45, 21.00 and 21.15. I got to New Street at 20.40 and there was no sign of the first two on the departure board so I hung around. The 21.15 rocked up at 21.21 and finally departed at 21.31. The train was busy due to previous cancellations and a group that boarded that would have been nowhere near it had it departed on time played very loud music for the whole journey. 

I knew that due to the delay I was now missing kick off. Standard for me me at Walsall games but hey, I was now doing it on the world stage.

Being late allowed me time to get into disappointed mode. As a Walsall and England fan I am used to this mode so do it early nowadays to save time at the final whistle.

I made it to the Walsall Arms about 12 minutes in and we were on the attack. It wasn’t until about 5 minutes after sitting down did I realise that Panama were in white.

You don’t need a match report. Most folk have probably already forgotten it but it was nice to finally get the win although I’ll admit I was looking at a dating app when the first goal went in, my focus on the game just waning a little. It was free shots every time England scored but I was a good boy and turned them both down. 

The same offer had been in place for the previous match. The Ghanaian witch doctor who put a curse on Harry Kane (and seemingly the whole England team) to stop him scoring must have saved the pub a fortune. He should have bookings going through the roof after that sucess. Get it on your business cards fella.

I had one more pint after the final whistle then headed home, casting a wishful glance en route to the closed for the night Danny’s Chicken.

Epic day. Great to see James again as I hadn’t had a day out with him since the December 2024 wander around Pelsall and Shelfield, which you can read about here. I found out later that they’d had one pint in The Craven Arms and got a taxi back. They’d have been back in Walsall while I was still at New Street. Oh well, it all worked out.

Right, thanks for reading but I gotta go. Still got those 80’s advert in my head. Craving some Um Bongo. You know they drink it in the actual Democratic Republic Of Congo? Fair play to em.

I’m enjoying the football free Saturdays. Unthinkable just a few years ago. I looked at all those Saturdays and thought ‘yeah. Let’s get some more Monopoly board properties ticked off.’ So I picked the first Saturday of June thinking the weather would be glorious.

Facebook has now clocked onto my love of the London Monopoly board and Underground and I’m now getting adverts for related merchandise. I’ve already succumbed and purchased a poster with my street on it as would appear on the board. I put it it in the red set. Just colour preference, no reflection on value. Swill, who used to live on the road said it should have been in a set further back round the board. Yeah cheers fella.

I also saw a duvet set with a London Underground map on it. That’s got to be done. Imagine next time I get a lovely lady in bed. I won’t know which station to visit first. I mentioned this to Josh and he said “would she let you change at Baker Street though?” If you don’t know what this means, I wouldn’t Google it at work. 

So, if you’re here for the first time after a Google search welcome. It’s edition 199 of my waffle, you have some catching up to do. I digress, I’m currently on a mission to visit all the Monopoly board properties and getting each square signed. After 2 trips, I’d managed 4 ticks. This needed to be a more productive day. 

En route to Walsall railway station I had Tony Blackburn’s “Sounds Of The 60s” show on Radio 2 playing. He spun “Everlasting Love” by Love Affair. One of the best songs ever and I knew then that this was going to be a good day. 

At New Street there were noticeable gasps of disbelief as people clocked that the escalator was actually working. One bloke had already got his missus in a fireman’s lift ready to carry her up. Ok I might have made that last bit up to keep you interested. 

On the train just before Euston I needed the loo and someone had peed all over the seat. I tentatively lifted it and got to work. I didn’t hang around and tried to leave sharpish but of course there was a cute lass waiting who would assume it was me. Bad situation all because of a dirty sod.

At Euston, on the concourse I had an idea. Would I be able to get a map of the Underground from the information desk? I’ve been trying to find a diary with one in and have appealed for a print out but got suggestions of downloading the app. Nope. I’m from the 1970’s. I want something physical I can hold, plus you can’t buy an event ticket nowadays without having to download a use once app so I try to avoid this.

Success. I got a map. Believe me this was a bit like porn to me. Other and better types of porn are available.

The Northern Line has more branches than Lloyds Bank. Ok that’s pushing it but you know, maybe in a couple of years. Anyway it’s a bit complex but fortunately a diagram was at hand showing all lines and which platform required and within minutes I was moving South. 

I’d done my research and the first bus I saw outside Elephant & Castle tube station served Old Kent Road, I just had to make sure it was going in the right direction.

So, Old Kent Road. The cheapest property on the London board and the only one south of the river. It’s the A2 if you’re a fan of the UK road numbering system. 

Ozzies Cafe was my destination. They had English tea at £1.80. I asked the lady to sign the board and she was a bit unsure but eventually agreed. A nice lady struck up conversation about “the football” as she called it and tipped me off that the toilet was working despite the out of order sign.

No music but there was a loud bang, causing the two females present to turn and look at me. I did wonder for a second if I’d caused it. There was then the sound of some heavy braking and horn beeping outside which had both ladies running from behind the counter to the door to investigate.

The bus stop advised Elephant & Castle and Tower Bridge, so I assumed all buses went there and jumped on the first one. But it was going to Liverpool Street via Tower Bridge. Oh well, I’ve never done the London touristy thing so I’d not seen Tower Bridge with my own eyes let alone crossed it. It was ace.

I knew my route had I got back to Elephant and Castle but at Liverpool Street, on the board but which I’d already ticked off I asked Google and was soon on the Central Line en route to Bond Street. This actually worked better as I wasn’t looking forward to trying to find the green set from Park Lane.

When we did the Monopoly Pub Crawl (blog here) in 2009, we were going to get t-shirts printed with “What happens on Bond Street, stays on Bond Street.” This was left to me to sort so needless to say it didn’t happen. 

I walked up Oxford Street in the rain without seeing anywhere I fancied popping in for a signature and traipsed down Bond Street too scared to ask a passer by. Bond Street is very posh and no wonder it has top billing in the green set. There wasn’t a cheap shop for me to buy anything and ask for an autograph. I spotted a gallery with some smart people standing in the doorway. I grew a pair and asked. The first guy didn’t understand but another one came rushing forward and was happy to sign then said “she works on Oxford Street.” Two ticks in one hit. Nice people too.

Oxford Street has a McDonald’s so I dived in there. It has a lift which I’ve not seen in one of those before and head high hand dryers in the loos. It’s fair to say they are probably chest height to normal people. 

I headed to Regent Street. Again not much in the way of cheap shops. Certainly no Sports Direct. After assessment of the street I popped into Calvin Klein. I don’t need any new pants believe me, I have plenty but as I perused, a nice lady came to help. I pointed at a pair of boxer shorts and said “there’s no size on these.” “They are medium. What size are you?” I lied and said medium, and I really don’t know why. Maybe I panicked and didn’t want her to think I’m fat. She got a stool, reached up and handed me a pack. “These are medium in that style. In the sale too.” I felt compelled after the effort she had gone to, to buy some so I mentioned I only like white. She got up, grabbed another pack and I headed to the till. I was hoping to get away with a cheap purchase of one pair but you know – 3 is the magic number yeah?

I might shrink into them and I am doubling my efforts to find Mrs Right so they might come in handy in about 8 years when I’ve pulled and finally reached my 10 stone target. 

At the counter another lady was more than happy to sign the board and as the other two greens hadn’t cost anything so a bill of £30 for 3 pairs of pants wasn’t too bad. I felt like I was in an episode of Absolutely Fabulous leaving a posh store on Regent Street with a bag.

Great Marlborough Street leads off Regent Street so I ambled down there and found the Coach and Horses. £4.95 for a can of Diet Coke but I was parched after all that walking and the guy serving was happy to sign the board. 

One stop down the Victoria Line from Oxford Circus is Green Park. I exited the wrong way again. Vine Street has top billing in the orange set. It got shortened in the 18th century to make way for Regent Street and now it’s shit. You wouldn’t get 4 houses and a hotel on it, although the corner is now a construction site so maybe someone is trying. 

A waiter was in a doorway on his break. I explained what I was doing and asked if he’d sign the board. He grunted. I took this as a yes and waited patiently (and awkwardly) alongside him while he smoked his fag. He finished it then got another one out. I took this as a “sod off George.” So I did. I asked a delivery driver who refused. It was now raining so passers by on Swallow Street were scurrying past. I tried taking a selfie of myself in front of the road sign hoping a group of ladies outside the adjacent fish restaurant would offer to take it then I could ask one of them but they all ignored me. So I sacked it off but believe me Vine Street, were not done yet. 

On Piccadilly I found a coffee shop Volonte and got a pot of English Breakfast Tea and a signature for £3.95 from the nice lass serving. She didn’t charge for the signature.

I tried to get a picture of the place but it wasn’t easy with a popular bus stop right outside and millions of passers by jostling with wannabe passengers. I did say “God, it’s like Piccadilly Circus here” which of course it wasn’t. That was 3 minutes walk away.

The Rose and Crown on Old Park Lane was a bit odd to start with. Plenty of seats but a large crowd had used themselves and some strategically placed stools to make an impenetrable barrier splitting the pub in two. Then one of them moved slightly and I ghosted in undetected and made it through the divide where I was welcomed by a friendly barman who knew the score saying I was his third Monopoly board signature of the day. 

I grabbed my Diet Coke and settled down and watched as the human shield all made for the door. I was glad of the sit down and with the noise levels reduced we were treated to Eric Clapton. We also had “Here Comes The Sun” which believe me was absolute wishful thinking. Great pub with decent staff, although I did nearly fall down the last couple of stirs on way to the loo.

It was gone 6 as I left the Rose and Crown. 90 minutes until my train. I pondered Coventry Street but sacked it off. Had I done Rose and Crown before the coffee shop then hell yeah but I was being ultra cautious again. 

I was back at Euston and had an hour to kill so marauded around the concourse in search of a generic purveyor of newspapers and books in the hope of them having a lottery terminal. I only play when it’s a must be won draw but I couldn’t find anywhere. Oh well, there are better ways to spend £2. Like buying 8 packs of Beef Space Raiders. Kids, please don’t gamble or buy 8 packs of Beef Space Raiders in one go.

The journey home was uneventful but it was a successful-ish day. 8 Properties visited, 7 of them signed off and I can head a bit more central London next time.

I left the boxer shorts in London somewhere.

About a month ago, Mel from Katz shared a post saying that Chris Moyles was doing a “Daytime Disco” at a club in Birmingham. I wanted in. Anyone who knows me will testify that I don’t do television, I’m a radio geek and Moyles is one of my heroes. I’ve got (and read) both of his books, was with him for the playing of Love Machine on his first day at Radio X. Hell, I’m that on brand I had a housemate nicknamed Comedy Dave. So I couldn’t turn this down, especially with vip tickets at £17.

Cooking breakfast on the morning and it was bacon on naan bread – a rare treat but absolutely amazing and the concept of which was introduced to the nation by Chris’s former producer James.

Cooking tunes were “Nothing Matters” by The Last Dinner Party, a couple of Blossoms tracks plus a curveball “Goodbye Stranger” by Supertramp. A song I’d heard numerous times, liked but didn’t know what it was until Moyles played it and explained that folk might not know it. It’s been on my YouTube list ever since.

I met Mel and Jase at Walsall railway station and soon we were in Birmingham. The standard New Street hilarity of making people walk up the escalator was in full force again.

I was in a Paolo Nutini mood as two of his song lyrics were shaping things. “Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything’s right” and “I’m out and about, so I’m in with a shout.” I’d bought new shoes for a date but it got cancelled. Today seemed like a good time to give them their debut.

At Brindley Place I got caught in the tram door as I tried to alight. My Sliding Doors moment. Mrs Right could have been waiting on the platform at the next stop had I been stuck on the tram.

Once I’d freed myself we assessed options Jase refused Wetherspoons so we headed to The Brasshouse via the Ozzy Osborne bench. A nice man offered to take a pic. He was only in town as his son had been bitten by a dog the day before and was up to offer moral support.

In The Brasshouse Mel asked the barman to send Moyles round to us should he pop in. We headed outside and found a pleasant seat overlooking Brindley Place. Mel presented me with a cheese straw which was random, and pleasant in equal measures. The bloke on the next table didn’t hang around. He soon scarpered. I suspect because he didn’t get offered a cheese straw.

At Rosies, walking in I spotted a sign saying all drinks on a Saturday were £2 between 9pm and Midnight. I hoped this was in place during the day.

We were refused entrance to the back area despite having VIP tickets. I didn’t ask questions.

Tunes were already belting out with Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” being the first arm raiser. I was loving it. At the start of this year I never thought that just after my 52nd birthday I’d be in a club on a Saturday afternoon dancing to Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha. I was however disappointed to be the only one in the place doing the lasooing to Gangnam Style.

There were dancefloor spillages – not by me I hasten to add. They were being quickly mopped up. Times have clearly changed. This would not have happened in Harleys during the 90s

I needed to send out some single and available man vibes – they kinda come as standard with me and losing the can of Coke Zero was also required. I wasn’t pulling a lovely lady with that in my hand.

First song that got me up the front dancing? “Cha Cha Slide.” Enjoyed it but the lass in front didn’t know her left from right which had me doubting myself. Also having to clutch my glasses case in my shirt pocket during the “5 hops this time” bit wasn’t a great look.

I got a round in. Yeah, the drinks were not £2 each.

Chris Moyles came on and opened with a dancey version of a Coldplay hit. His opening lines were “What a lovely day to be inside. It’s normally pissing down.” Initially I couldn’t see him due to a pillar. It was like being at Bescot Stadium when it first opened. Soon I had the great idea of moving slightly.

I tried to get some photos. I’m no David Bailey. Looking back at them on the night and it’s fair to say that there are pictures of the Loch Ness Monster that are clearer and less grainy.

I loved his “I’m gonna play a song you won’t have heard in years. You may have brought it on vinyl or cassette single.” I knew it straight away from the first note as did many other. “Get Up (Before The Night Is Over).” Technotronic featuring Ya Kid K. Yes I owned this single and the album on cassette. Arms in the air straight away. Fun fact, Ya Kid K also sang “Pump Up The Jam” even though it was credited as featuring Felly.

I was back by the bar for “Do you think I’m sexy?”  I eventually moved up top more in hope than expectation. Yeah, nobody thought I was.

On the way back from the toilets I was asked the question I get the most “are you a Walsall fan?” A bloke had recognised me and introduced himself. Bobby from Blakenall – nice to meet you.

Towards the end the day took a a slight downer when a couple of lads tried to take the piss out of me. I just gave them a “yeah alright mate” and walked away.

Towards the end he played “Sit Down.” Some did. I certainly didn’t. I’d have still been getting up at the end of the night.

Last song was CeeLo Green “Forget You”. I knew what F U actually meant but had never heard the non radio friendly version. Superb set and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great patter from Chris throughout. Big thanks to Mel and Jase for letting mecrag along.

Apparently the trains had been playing up a bit but were starting to behave themselves when I got to New Street with one due with just enough time for me to tick off the new Greggs. Trying to get wallet out, remove day ticket and get through barrier whilst holding a large latte with a pack of popcorn chicken balanced on top was a challenge.

Back in Walsall and I opted to retick The Oak Inn on Green Lane which reopened the night before. I’d forgotten about the football but walked in just in time for the penalties. What an Earth was that run up about for the first missed Arsenal penalty?

Anyway the pub has new windows and carpets and looks great. There were a few in although a lot of these drifted away after the penalties. A dj took over and it’s moving away from the rock feel of the previous regime. The door to the toilet was closed which hasn’t happened in years. Nice to be able to wash my hands without the barstaff and punters being able to watch. Burnt cobs were available too. Nice to see the place back open and I wish them well.

On the way out I tried to get a picture of the place but there were people outside. I loitered across the road to see if they went in but they were having none of it. Next time. Maybe.

I headed to Katz and bumped into Adrian. First meet up since the epic Clinton Baptiste night. The band were doing a Beatles v Rolling Stones set. I didn’t hold out much hope for “She’s A Rainbow”, my favourite Stones but my fave “Beatles” one “Twist And Shout” did figure.

Adrian and I headed to the Walsall Arms. Even Clinton Baptiste couldn’t see that coming. Carla was on singing and started off with the Tina Turner version of “Proud Mary” which was epic. Adrian tried to buy me a drink but the card machine wouldn’t take the payment. Trying to buy me a non alcoholic drink must have flagged up as “suspicious activity.”

I got home about 11.45, knackered but happy. Cheers all for a great day.

Saturday 2nd of May. Last day of the football season for millions of fans. I’d have loved to have been at Bromley but despite nothing to play for, Walsall had sold out the away end and I couldn’t get a ticket. So I decided to get an all transport modes day ticket and go mooching about.

First though, McDonald’s. I needed a sausage and egg muffin with a toffee latte chaser. A strange thing happened within. They played “Hey Mickey” by Toni Basil. A song I detest and the bane of ny life as a kid. It’s probably why I still hate being called Mick or Mickey to this day. However, since November 2023 I’ve started to become happier and slightly more positive in my outlook on life. And I started to sing along. I shocked myself. It was a shame that the women on the next table didn’t join in as it could have looked like that scene from Wayne’s World. Turned out she was saving her vocals for the next song “Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This” which she joined in loudly. I didn’t.

In the Saddlers Centre, I got my first look at the new 3 Men In A Boat display. It looks good but that clock needs tearing down by an angry mob and replacing with one that displays 4 correctly – IV.

I got my day pass and hit the bus towards Darlaston. I wanted to tick off the new railway station. Other West Midlands social media content creators had visited straight away when it opened. Naturally I’m more relaxed about things like this.

When this station was proposed, along with the other newbie up the line at Willenhall, it was going to be on the reinstated Walsall to Wolverhampton service. However our transport overlords had a wobble, decided against reinstating said service and instead put these stations on the Birmingham to Shrewsbury line service to much disbelief and hilarity on social media.

I’m not too distraught. When Walsall to Wolvo was axed in 2008, I was a regular visitor to Wolvo, but now I go probably once a year. I do feel for people that use the 529 regularly though. The axing of the X529 express service was what made me finally leave SciChem after 22 years.

However when we play Shrewsbury (a) next season there should be a few drinking in The Globe on Darlaston Road then strolling to James Bridge for the train.

I hadn’t looked at timetables and as I approached, a train was pulling out in the direction I was hoping to travel. Oh well, time to mooch. The car park is massive. Very ambitious. Can’t see it ever being full. The lifts worked and didn’t stink of piss. I’m sure they will soon be brought in line with other West Midlands station lifts. The next train to Willenhall was an hour away. Bollocks to that. Would have been quicker to walk to Bentley and get the 529. Maybe. But the way I walk? Alright, no then.

A train to Birmingham however, was in 10 minutes. Ok. I’ll do the day in reverse.

At New Street, a tram came in straight away. I’d seen on Facebook that The Black Eagle in Hockley was closing on May 10th so opted to make one last visit.

On entry the barmaid was mid tirade about paying Council Tax. ” They want payment for the whole year up front. I aint doing that, I could be dead in July.” A level of pessimism I could certainly get on board with.

In the back room, much to my surprise and delight there was a cement mixer. I, like most folk would rather play with that than the pool table. There was a big hole at the front to put your 50p in. I didn’t have any change though.

I so must have looked like a doomed pub tourist. None  regular, clutching a bottle of Diet Coke and taking pictures. It was only my third visit. First time on pub Challenge 3 and second time when I was spotting birds through the medium of pub names (blog here). I know it’s a legendary pub and many will mourn its closing.

Back at Soho Benson Road, the tram came straight away. With a bit of thought most unlike me, rather than go back to the stop near Snow Hill and walking round to it, I jumped off at Jewellery Quarter and headed for the train to Stourbridge. It is my mission to meet George the Stourbridge Junction cat, and today seemed as good a day as any. He wasn’t about.

I jumped on Europe’s shortest branch line, with that amazing little people carrier train thing and was soon in actual Stourbridge. Previous missions here have been with Blackpool Jane but this was my first solo trip. Find a pub? Go on then. Jane was always in charge of directions so I didn’t know where I was going, couldn’t see a sign saying Town Centre so picked a road and started to walk.

I started to think I was going the wrong way but then a nice family with a pram stopped to let me pass. I thanked them but felt compelled to carry on walking so I did. 10 minutes later I looked around, there was no sign of them so I went into reverse and headed back whence I’d came.

Back at the bus station I saw a sign saying Town Centre stuck on the side of a bus stop so finally headed the right way.

I was pondering food in Wetherspoons but I saw Greggs first. At this juncture I must point out that I eat sensibly during the week. Yes I used the word sensibly rather than healthily on purpose. However on a Saturday, I let my albeit limited hair down and pig out. Into Greggs I headed.

The lass serving was great. Friendly and helpful. I grabbed chicken goujons and went for double cock action with the new chicken roll. Food in Greggs can be very hit and miss regarding temperature but the nice lady said the chicken rolls were just out of the oven. She offered dips for the goujons so I opted for mayo. She said I ought to have 2 as one wouldn’t be enough. She also said I should get the Greggs app. I promised I would. As,I write this 3 weeks later, I still haven’t and I probably won’t. Things in life that I have no need for number 1,267,087 – the Greggs app.

Food was great. Chicken roll was ace. I did only need the one mayo so I stuck the other in my pocket. I cannot waste mayo. My Belgian forefathers would never forgive me. Before I left I clocked something not seen before. A food waste bin in a takeaway. I absolutely do not waste food. Things I have no need for number 1,267,088.

Time was getting on so I decided to start heading back. Stourbridge Junction was rammed this time. I hoped they were all there to see George the cat and equality disappointed as me at his none appearance.

Rather than go back to Snow Hill, I opted to alight at Smethwick Galton Bridge in search of a New Street train as I still wanted to tick off Willenhall railway station.

Galton Bridge is odd. 4 platforms split over 2 levels. I’m easily confused and I think the architect had me in mind when designing it. A sign said platform 4 was offering a train to New Street. I couldn’t find it and ended up at platform 1. There I saw saw a train to Wolvo was arriving  at platform 3 so  dashed to that only to find it cancelled upon arrival.

I eventually found platform 4, got to New Street and was looking for a train to Wolvo then saw the one to Shrewsbury via Willenhall was in 4 minutes.

I dashed to the red zone passing a little kid who was singing “if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” He applied the claps too. I took it he didn’t know the Walsall score – we’d lost.

Willenhall railway station seemed very familiar. Reminded me of another one but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

I had a pleasant wander around Willenhall and earmarked a couple of places for a review then popped to The Crown.

A couple of the drink fonts had post it notes on them saying out of stock. More pubs should do this. As I walked from the bar, the new song by sombr “12 to 12” came on. The line “in a room full of people, I look for you”was a bit odd as at that point I was the sole customer but as a great pub I knew I’d have fellow punters soon and so it proved. Two guys that sat at the next table greeted me like old friends.

I headed home, totally getting caught in a rainstorm. I changed, grabbed a cuppa and on the night headed to the Walsall Arms. My old pal Wayne Swift was performing. I’ve only seen him sing once before, a few years ago and it’s fair to say I was twatted that night so it was nice to be seeing him, in a state where I’d be able to remember it.

I’d missed the first half, it’s not just Walsall games where I do this.  Wayne was on good form. Highlights were “Losing My Religion” – the song that changed my musical path in life and also “Town Called Malice”, “Baggy Trousers” and Erasure’s classic “Stop.” Great set Wayne and I promise I won’t leave it so long to see you next time.

Great day. I think I got value out of my day ticket and I want to use the close football season to have more adventures.