Friday was the 4th day of Spring, and also my 4th with the lurgy. I had a head full of snot and my voice, not the greatest at the best of times was sounding dreadful. I know film remakes are all the rage at the moment but if they did the same to that 1980’s Tunes advert where your man is at the railway station trying to buy a “1st class dicket to Dottingham” I’d have been a shoe in for the lead role.

Despite feeling rubbish there was a Scotch Egg Festival taking place at Hail To The Ale, a micropub in the Claregate area of Wolverhampton. I wanted in. All I had to do was get through the working day and it was on.

It was a standard day although the odd incident was when my boss (also a director) bent down behind me and I farted. Yep, a loud one. I immediately apologised but he saw the funny side. It appears to not be a disciplinary offence.

On the afternoon we had Virgin Radio on, which I’ve not listened to since it’s re-launch and they played some right belters which really made the time fly. Song of the day though was when I nipped down to Production and they had Heart 70’s on and were playing “Let Your Love Flow” by The Bellamy Brothers. Such a wonderful happy song and it always makes me want to get a water slide home from work like in the Barclaycard advert.

I left work, forgetting to clock out in my excitement and headed to McDonalds for a quick Fillet O Fish. I felt slightly guilty at this as despite not being religious I had given fish up for Lent. Mind, that ship had sailed and done a round the world cruise the week before when I got through a box of 30 fish fingers in 4 days. On the last sitting I even told myself “you need to lay off the fish fingers” which mad me smile as it’s a decent but totally random insult. I look forward to using it next time I’m having an argument, even if I’m winning it.

I met Daz and we headed to the pub arriving soon afterwards and into the world of ale and eggs. Now previous pub Scotch Egg missions have been indifferent. When I went to Berwick in 2017 one of the main reasons was because a micropub up there did a haggis Scotch Egg. I got there and they had sold out. When Katz did a pop up Scotch Egg stall Daz and myself ordered the same one. My came neat. His arrived perfectly presented with salad and a crescent of crisps (Alan Partridge would have been happy). They used his for publicity photos and made a fuss of him “hope you enjoy” etc whilst I felt invisible, like I do when trying to get served in The Tap And Tanner nowadays.

We grabbed drinks and Daz studied the menu while I surveyed the room. There was a copy of the amazing R.E.M album Automatic For The People on a ledge by us which was a good start. I am now on my 5th copy of this album having bought and lent it out to not get it back several times. The pub owner explained that the cd’s are free to anyone who wants them, so if you don’t own or have never heard this then don’t come to me. Head to Hail To The Ale instead.

Daz opted for Venison & Red Currant egg whilst I went for Breakfast. Mine was devine but as breakfast it would have been nice to have a slice of fried bread with it. Daz liked his too and he followed it up with Chilli & Lime which was “very limey” and he wasn’t quite so sure about this one.

Hail To The Ale is a great micropub. It opened back in 2013, was the first in the West Midlands and the first that I ticked off. The beer is good, it gets lots of custom and has a friendly atmosphere. In fact when a second dog turned up, there no was no barking when it met the first dog. Just lots of tail wagging. Even dogs respect the friendly atmosphere. Talking of dogs, if you like them you will love the toilet as there is lots of pictures of them.

We didn’t stay long as we wanted to make a final visit to The Malthouse, Willenhall’s Wetherspoons which closes today (Sunday). Sorry to see this place go as it is one of the best ones round here, and it’s sad for all of the staff including my mates Adam & Joe who have worked there for years.

It was busy as we arrived. Joe was on duty so it was good to see him, shake his hand and wish him all the best. We sat right at the back on the slightly raised section where I’ve never sat before.

I made a final trip to the toilet. In here the 7 urinals are in a near semi circle shape. If I ever took the pub on, my plan was to extend the toilets, put another 8 urinals in and make a complete semi circle. Quiz night would then be like a urine based version of 15-1. Get a bloke at each urinal and people are out of the game when they get a question wrong or finish their piss. Winner gets a £25 bar tab which is decent for Wetherspoons. Channel 4 would have paid me millions for this.

Daz had stuff to do so he dropped me off in town and I headed to St Matts Hall as I knew the Wetherspoons beer festival was on. I noticed that all the benches on Leicester Street have been removed, I’ve no idea why. Had I known they were going I’d have put a bid in for the one that Jon McClure (lead singer of Reverend & The Makers) had done his couple of post gig numbers on in 2012.

I was frisked upon reaching St Matts whuch hasn’t happened before. Two hot lasses were chatting to the bouncers and one asked of me during the frisking “are you sure you’ve not got anything under your hat”? I explained that the only thing under my hat was my mossiv head. I then removed the hat and they cheered. It’s not often I have the opportunity to get something massive out for the ladies.

I had one quick pin of something I’d never heard of, discovered that you can’t leave by the front doors anymore and headed home. It was a decent night.