December marks the month of Whamageddon where participants try to avoid hearing the original version of Last Christmas until midnight on Christmas Eve. I’ve gone out on day 1 the last two years so was hoping for better this time.

I got to work at 7.30 on the 1st and checked my phone. Hmmm, a message. What could be so important that someone has messaged this early? It was my great mate Matt Mason. He was already out and fuming. But yes, it was important.

We have Heart 80’s on at work but I explained the situation and it was agreed that it would be swapped to Heart 90’s for the duration. Good start.

Day 2 was the postponed Alfreton match drinking session, but I survived that and on the Sunday Josh had invited me round for dinner. He drove me back afterwards and put the radio on. On came that Mariah song. “Have you got a Christmas station on?” I asked somewhat urgently as the song was finishing. He confirmed that he had so I explained the situation. What came on? Only bloomin “Underneath The Tree” by Kelly Clarkson. He was reaching to change the station. I hadn’t heard this song yet this year at the time. “No no no, leave this on” I yelled. Now Josh and I are very close and he’s seen me in all kinds of emotional states like Walsall FC induced joy/despair, drunkeness. skintness, pre best man speech nerves etc but panicking at Christmas songs is surely a new one. Anyway I got through the first weekend.

I don’t get to listen to Absolute Radio after 8am usually but I was off on the 4th and 5th and they do a feature where they report on people being Whammed. My favourites this time were the stadium announcer Whamming the whle crowd at Northampton v Portsmouth and a bloke who said he got Whammed at his son’s primary school Christmas Fete. His wife had laughed at him when it happened and he swore at her in front of his son’s teacher. I love this kind of stuff.

I had to go to New Cross Hospital on the 4th and they had Greatest Hits Radio on in the waiting room. I was nervous about this, even more so than the procedure. Every time a song ended I’d glance nervously at the screen. Fortunately they announced that a Golden Hour type feature was coming on and from the initial clues I knew that it was 1977 so I could relax for a bit.

On the Saturday I had to go to ASDA and on the way out I had a cheeky toilet which is standard procedure. Do They Know It’s Christmas was happily playing as I went about my business but as it finished I had this feeling that I was about to get Whammed. The hand dryer drowned out the last bit of DTKIC?and I pondered staying there for the next 5 minutes. Somebody walked in though and I panicked and tan off. I can’t remember what was playing but it wasn’t even a Christmas song.

Cover versions are allowed to be heard during this period and one day Radio X played the Jimmy Eat World version which whilst magnificent, I had forgotten about it. It was a nice guilt free treat to hear that and I’ve played it numerous times since.

I thought the 14th would be the day it was all over. Craig and myself were going to a Christmas quiz at The Fountain. It was very busy, another magnificent ham cob was demolished but there was a festive music round and he was playing seasonal numbers in between question. I felt like a sitting duck. Well not, quite. Despite being defending champions from the previous quiz we had to stand at the bar for the first two rounds. The high table by the shelf full of bric-a-brac became available. I sat closest to the shelf and started to ponder whether it would be some bric or a piece of brac that I would launch when the inevitable happened. Except it didn’t. No sign of that song at all, and we retained our title with an increased majority. I say we. Craig won is more realistic. I didn’t even get the answer right that I knew about the kinds of settings that the 3 wise men traverse while following yonder star.

The following day word reached me from my colleague Tom that everyone on Ward 1 had just been Whammed by Smooth Radio.

I was in Birmingham on the Saturday. As I walked to the Post Office Vaults 3 lovely ladies were singing it as we passed. Again covers are allowed and they sang it well but I didn’t stop and applaud as I needed a pint.

On the 18tn there was an early morning scare. Ian Payne on LBC was doing a countdown of the greatest Christmas films and playing clips. At 4.45 just as it was finishing somebody text in mentioning Last Christmas. I didn’t even know there was a film about it. As I panicked and reached for the off switch Ian mentioned Whamaggedon and referenced the Northampton incident. Phew, the closest call yet.

It ended on day 20. My supervisor came out to help clear the workload and she had Heart Christmas on. I knew it was coming but I had a final hour and 18 minutes still in the game before it happened. They were determined to be fair as I got a second dollop of being Whammed before dinner although they made up for it with double helpings of classics “Warm This Winter” by Gabriella Cilmi and “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis.

Day 21 and I woke up to a notification my phone from You Tube “for you. Wham – Last Christmas.” Alright guys, you’re a bit late trying to tempt me now.

On the way to work on day 22 I got to hear on Absolute Radio about ITV Whamming all their viewers with a clip of the song on the early evening news. I tried the Taste Cafe in the foyer of the hospital for the first time and heard a clip of the song whilst eating. It would have been galling to go out on just a snippet, especially as I was already a bit grumpy as they had no eggs to go on my breakfast roll. We had Heart 80’s on at work that day and I didn’t hear Last Christmas once. Typical.

I heard it once more on day 23 at 3.50 am in The Registry. Had this been the time of my demise it would have been my own fault, I’m 49 now and really shouldn’t still be out drinking at that time in the morning.

So it’s the final day. If you’re still in, well done. You’ve only got to make it to midnight. I’m disappointed at going out at work three years on the trot but I had my best run in years. I might book all of December off next year to avoid it happening again.

Happy Christmas to you all. The Christmas Eve boozing starts in a few hours but before that I’m going to blast Kelly Clarkson “Underneath The Tree” a couple of times and cook myself breakfast. Wuth an egg this time.

P.s whilst I’m on thanks so much for all of the lovely comments after Tuesday’s blog. It wasn’t meant to be a fishing for compliments article but I loved them all and gobbled them up like you would with unexpected pigs in blankets on your Christmas dinner.