I was a bit more flush in January than I am nowadays so I thought I’d rejoin The Light Cinema’s subscription service where you pay £15.99 a month but can watch all films free and get discounts on food and drink. I’d been a member previously but gave it up in 2018 when my then housemate moved out. And despite still needing a new house buddy I thought I could afford the fee no probs, though times were to change. It was quite straightforward to rejoin online, the longest part being choosing which picture of myself to use.

Swill is already a member and delighted to hear I’d rejoined. We quickly planned a film to go to see. First up was M3GAN. This was Swill’s choice. I had a vague idea that it was about a doll that went a bit loopy so thought it might be a bit Child’s Play-esque. When I arrived Swill was already there and deep in conversation with the lad behind the counter. Swill in a nutshell. He can talk to anyone about anything. I can only speak to people I know well and if the conversation is about me, pubs or Walsall FC.

I was excited heading up the escalator. After many visits, I was finally getting to tick off screen number 1. Remember the ABC/Cannon where screen 1 was the biggest by some distance and had the best curtains? I’d have loved those curtains when the place was flattened, although I’d have settled for the crinkly effect ones out of screen two. Anyway screen 1 at The Light isn’t quite as exciting. No curtains and I’m not sure if it’s bigger than the others.

The film was great. Swill chose well. Lots of people and a dog killed by the doll. Thoroughly enjoyed this one.

You wait years to tick off screen 1 and then get it twice in a row as I went to see Cocaine Bear next. Again I didn’t know much and whilst some people didn’t enjoy it, I really did. Another high body count and the ambulance scene was brilliant. I recommenced this if you like films that don’t challenge or make you think.

My plan was to go twice a month to make the subscription worth it but me being me it wasn’t happening. By the end of February I’d been just twice and it was around May when I next visited. It took the lovely Jennifer Lawrence to stir me back into action. I’d not seen her in a film since Passengers in 2016 so jumped at the chance to see her in No Hard Feelings, a film in which she is hired by a wealthy couple to date their shy son. Decent film this with some good scenes, the naked beach fight one being the highlight.

Fast forward to August and my next jaunt. By now I had got it into my thick skill after 4 months of working at the Manor Hospital that The Light is just around the corner and finally the after work movie scene was launched.

I went to watch Haunted Mansion. This was purely to test RunPee, an app that I’d recently downloaded that advises the best time to go for a piss during a film. I knew that 1 hour and two minutes in, a character called Gabbie would put some eggs on a table and say “just pick the shells out” and that I’d got 3 minutes 20 to go and relieve myself.

The film was a 12A, the new kid on the block of British Board Of Film Classification ratings. I’d not seen a 12A before or even it’s predecessor the 12. I knew that a 12 meant nobody under that age could watch but didn’t know what a 12A was. It was a a ghostly film but not quite on a par with the levels of Halloween hence its lower rating. Decent enough film and I timed the piss dash to perfection. I got home and did research. A 12A means kids under 12 can watch if accompanied by an adult. Hope you didn’t know that because I like to think that after almost 2 years this blog has finally been educational.

Next up was Cobweb, a film with no hype, all I knew was it was a horror but the big draw was Lizzy Caplan who I took a shine to during her portrayal of Amy Burley in series 1 of True Blood. Decent film with some good deaths but very odd. Odd film of the year by some distance.

Halloween saw me yet again trying to avoid trick or treaters so instead of sitting in the pub instead I went to watch Five Nights At Freddy’s. The auditorium was busy, probably the busiest I have seen it. Maybe it was a well hyped film, it was half term also but I suspect everyone like me was hiding from trick or treat.

The lovely thing at The Light is just before the film starts, a member of staff comes into the auditorium and greets you, gives some rules and wishes you an enjoyable film. I don’t know if it was the lass a few seats along’s first visit but when the staff member gave his loud cheerful “hello” she jumped out of her skin and gave a loud “fucking hell”. The lad got cheered and a round of applause when he finished his speech.

The film is based on a video game which may have swayed me not to bother had I known. More good deaths but probably the worst film of the year for me. There was a distressing scene where a pinball machine was smashed up.

As is standard for me when I get home I go on Wikipedia to read up on the stars and I was eager on this occasion as I didn’t know the main two. Oh, I do. The main guy was played by Josh Hutcherson who was Peeta Mellark in the 2 Hunger Games films that I’ve seen. To be fair it’s been a decade since I watched those and he has grown up a bit.

I was talking films with my colleague Tom one day and commenting on how you don’t seem to get 18 films anymore. I wondered if 15’s were allowed to be more graphic these days or if potential 18’s were toned down to try and get a bigger audience. Low and behold, a week later an 18 popped up on the listings.

The Royal Hotel is an Australian film featuring two American backpackers who get jobs working in a rough pub. When the 18 certificate came on the screen it advised of strong language, and the landlord of the pub used the C Bomb in one of his first sentences.

Enjoyable film this but yeah the adult rating was purely for the language. I’ve seen better fights in The Fullbrook.

Next up was to be a Sunday evening visit to watch Bottoms about two gay lads who set up their own fight club, but I got to the petrol station on Springfield Road, bought a grab bag pack of Prawn Cocktail crisps to eat on the way, then decided to go home and demolish them there instead so I missed that one.

Dream Scenario is probably the best film I’ve seen this year. I mentioned on the day to Tom that I’d never seen a Nicholas Cage film before so I was well up for this one. A phenomenon starts where people start seeing Cage’s character in their dreams. It all starts well but then when something goes wrong in real life he starts getting violent in the dreams and people take it out on him in real life. Great film and I recommend it.

The Jester was another horror film, and this was villain of the year. I loved the creepy sinister but smartness of the title character. More deaths, some comedic but I didn’t understand the end and there was no Wikipedia page for me to read up on afterwards.

So you know that lack of 18 films yeah? Well the following week I was off to watch another. Thanksgiving starts with disorder at a Black Friday sale and as an Englishman who doesn’t really get Thanksgiving and Black Friday I just took this as a low budget, let’s kill people flick. The sole reviewer on RunPee gave it a grade of D+ so I wasn’t expecting much. Wrong, the disorder in the store scene was immense, the killings good and I didn’t guess the killer, having opted for the easy option of the most likely candidate. Great film.

With that run of films I’d been to the cinema 3 times in 5 days and was starting to think the staff might suspect me of stalking them so I gave the place a break for what turned out to be over a month. There was a one off showing of Die Hard, my favourite Christmas film on December 15th. However that is too early in the month for me to be getting festive so I gave it a miss. I know a minority of people say it’s not a Christmas film and while I respect their opinion we cannot let them win. If they do, next they will be saying Halloween isn’t a Halloween movie and heaven knows what after that.

My final visit of the year came on the 28th and another straight from work trip. It was tied between Wonka and Anyone But You. Wonka appealed due to stars of Peep Show being involved but I thought it would look odd with an old man going to watch a kids film, so I opted for the latter. I’ve never watched a romcom before but this sounded good.

I got there early as I was having a rare treat of food and drink in the form of hot chocolate and garlic bread. Both were good but I ate downstairs as I reckoned the good people of screen 5 didn’t want the place stinking out of garlic. I also figured that with garlic breath there would be no kissing in the back row of the movies on a Thursday night should I have encountered a nice single lady. Oh well, The Drifters won’t be coming to me for song idea inspiration.

Anyone But You is based apparently on Much Ado About Nothing, it started well with me relating to the bursting for the toilet and subsequent wash basin mishap in the first scene. It was a good story line with a nod towards Meet The Parents once or twice. I thoroughly enjoyed the film and even shed a little tear at the end. God I’m getting soppy in my old age. It was also nice to see a film without lots of deaths for a change. At the end credits there was a recreation of There’s Something About Mary where the cast are performing Build Me Up Buttercup in previous scenes. The cast of this film do it to Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield and I’d have loved to have been one of the extras giving it portions in the aeroplane.

So that’s it then. I’ve now paid for membership for 12 months so I think I can cancel, which I may do as I still didn’t get enough use out of it but I’ll ponder. Swill messaged on Friday night saying he is going to do the cinema more in 2024 so that may swing it.

Thanks for reading my blog this year. Wishing you all an amazing 2024.