I woke up on Saturday to sunlight illuminating my house. What a delight. I don’t see the Sun very often but now it was certainly a case of “the Sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hoo-bloody-ray”. Typically though by the time I had got ready (today’s song of choice whilst ironing was Take Me To Church by Hozier) and fannied about a bit he had disappeared. It was like he hadn’t just removed his hat but also encased it in concrete and chucked it in the North Sea never to be seen again.

Saturday was the first pre season friendly for Walsall FC. I’d never been to Alvechurch. I was aware of it though as we have signed players from them like David Kelly, Richard O’Kelly and Harry Williams. It is also where road rage killer Tracie Andrews lived with Lee Harvey.

Breakfast was first so it was off to The Walsall Arms. I’d mentioned to Jaz in the week that I’d be there early and explained that I had a train to catch. She promised to have breakfast ready for me. I walked in bang on 10am and true to her word breakfast was in front of me straight away. It was epic and I so needed that mug of tea having not got up in time to make one before I left the house.

I was able to take a leisurely stroll to the railway station, almost getting taken out by a Just Eat delivery man cycling on the pavement. This happens most days and I now class it as part of my routine. There will be a collision one day and I will sue for millions and also have his bag of food and bike off him.

There was confusion at the ticket office. I asked for a return to Alvechurch. He replied “no problem, return to Old Hill.”no, return to Alvechurch, Worcestershire” I replied not at all confidently. “Oh Alvechurch” he said pronouncing it with an r after the e. “Yes please.” I though “we’re getting there” was the slogan for travelling by train. Not for just trying to buy the ticket for it. I must point out at this juncture that I have no idea where Old Hill is (and at the time of writing this, hangover Monday following the Euro final I haven’t researched it) but I now want to go. I’ll probably rock up and there will be no pubs.

Anyway I got the train I was aiming for, changed at Aston and 4 minutes later I was on the chuff chuff to Alvechurch. I can do good planning occasionally. I’d done my research. I knew there was a great looking pub by the railway sation, and how to walk to the other pubs and the ground. I got to The Weighbridge to find Colin Plant, Wurzel and Snudge sat outside. Colin recommended the Bridge 60 beer which I’d never heard off so I headed in with him close behind.

“Oh they’ve got the cobs out now Evo, cause you’re here” commented Colin. I wasn’t hungry but pondered getting one to walk into town with. I ordered my beer and asked “what cobs have you got?” “These are cheese” the nice barmaid replied “but we could do you a ham one.” “Could you do me a ham and cheese one?” I asked. “Ham and cheese?” she queried looking genuinely baffled. “Er yes, please.” “Ham and cheese together?” she clarified. “Erm yes.” The barmaid called the cob lady over. “Can you do this man ham and cheese on a cob?” “Ham AND cheese?” the lady queried sounding really confused. I was causing a right kerfuffle. Colin was like “fuckin hell Evo, you’ve been in the pub 3 minutes and you’re causing trouble. Cobgate was now spreading. One of the locals waded in with “why don’t you just have a ham cob and a cheese one and combine them.” “I couldn’t possibly eat two” I replied. Yeah, hold that thought. I grabbed my pint and ran.

The Weighbridge is next to Alvechurch Marina and it was very pleasant sitting there looking out over the boats. It was very warm but not sunny. He was popping out sporadically but he certainly no longer had his hat on. More like an ill fitting baseball cap.

A young lad brought two cobs out. Both with thick cheese and gammon style ham on. I really don’t know why I got two. The lad must have been thinking ‘you greedy sod George.’ That is of course if he calls people he doesn’t know the names of George like I do. Anyway the cobs were amazing. I ate both just to prove a point. I don’t know what point but I enjoyed proving it. I’d paid £7.50 but didn’t know if I’d paid for pint and one cob or pint and two cobs. Presumably there was no button on the till for ham and cheese cob so perhaps I just sent the whole system haywire.

I power walked into town (I had carbs to burn off) and ticked off the Red Lion first. Busy with a few fellow Saddlers in and a very foodies type place. A few tables had reserved on, but I eventually found one for 2. I’d been sat there for all of three minutes when a man came up and asked if the other chair was free. I pondered claiming I was waiting for Patsy Kensit but he may have smelt bullshit so I let him have it. He picked it up and marched away.

The Alvechurch Inn was next. I was exchanging pleasantries with the barmaid (she had no idea The Mighty Walsall FC were in town). Colin walked in and it took all of 2 minutes for him to point out the cobs on the bar. I was all cobbed out for the day. And possibly the next couple.

The Swan was next. I’d seen a few Facebook check ins here so I knew this was were most people were gathering. I got a warm welcome from a busy room. Off the top of my head there was Kimbo, “Marvellous” Matt Stacky with his kids, Tomo, Tim, Ryan and Jase from Katz (I’d already seen his wife Mel on the train so it was good to complete the set). Apologies to those that I’ve missed.

It was good in The Swan with great people. I’d budgeted for a taxi to the ground but was offered a lift in Tomo’s minibus which was decent. We got to the ground at 2.59. Bit early for my liking but it was the first game of pre season so it’s all about preparing for the months ahead. The later arrivals will come as the season gets underway.

Me and Jase headed for the bar but then I decided I didn’t want a beer and went to watch the game. Most unlike me. I went in the clubhouse before half time to beat the rush and again decided against a pint, instead I just sat and watched some tennis. I hadn’t seen a second of this years Wimbledon so it was nice to finally see a bit and I missed our first goal.

It’s not immediately clear which toilets are which and I nearly walked into the ladies. Safely in the gents a lad struck up conversation and said that he actually did walk in the ladies and a woman was in there but she was fine with it. Had that been me, I’d have soon had a very damp Andrex roll bounce off my head.

Dave O’Shea joined me for the second half, I saw our 3rd goal (we won 3-0) and had a good chat with Dave. I saw lots of fellow Saddlers Dean, Kerry and Oli to name a few and it was a really good day. It’s what’s good about pre season, seeing people you haven’t seen for a couple of months.

I turned down a lift back to Walsall on Tomo’s minibus as I wanted to go back to The Weighbridge and also because I’m a kind of “I’ve paid for my train ticket, I’m going to bloody use it” kind of guy.

Back in the pub, via a nice short cut which took out the town centre I asked for the same beer that I’d had earlier but was given Goats Milk instead. This must have been payback for cobgate. I didn’t ask for one this time. The Goats Milk was excellent though so no harm done. Colin asked if I’d eaten in the ground and I fessed up to a small tin of Pringles at half time but it was strange for me to go to a game and not use the bar or catering facilities. I shall not be making a habit of that.

I made the train back ok this time changing at Duddeston as I’ve been fascinated by the derelict state of that station since I was a kid.

Back in Walsall I had time to kill. I was due at The Watering Trough at 9 but it was half 7. I went to St Matts Hall, had latte and ravaged the free refill’s. I also had the 10 chicken wings started just to keep my metabolism ticking over. I made a toilet visit before departure. There was a man at urinal no 5 so I could use no 2. If you’re new to this blog I have a thing about toilets in pubs, I always like to use urinal number 2, or if it’s a trough I stand roughly where no 2 would be. Obviously if nobody is using 1 or 3. Toilets had social distancing rules long before Covid.

Amyway the other guy gets to the sinks before me, I rocked up and out the corner of my eye I see him take a step back before loudly exclaiming “fucking hell”. He then walked nonchalantly to the hand drier. I wanted more info. I glanced at the sink to see if anything untoward was occurring like a snake emerging out of the plug hole but nothing. Context please folks.

I got to The Trough on time. Angie the landlady was on and it’s always good to see her. We were there for Becki’s birthday. She explained that her fiancee Jon wasn’t there as he was clay pigeon shooting and more drunk than she was. Drunk clay pigeon shooting? This sounds ace. I know the chances of me ever having a stag do are minimal but if I do then drunk clay pigeon shooting is on the agenda. It would be carnage and we could probably get away with a smaller minibus for the return journey.

I had a couple of beers then departed. Becki says it went mental after I left so I hope she had a great birthday bash. I usually walk home over Church Hill but as The Trough is halfway up Ablewell Street I just carried on up there. I somehow took a wrong turn though (maybe 2 wrong turns) and ended up outside The Walsall Arms. Oh well, while I’m here I might as well pop in.

I’m glad I did as Woza was in with Becky. I’ve not seen him since my birthday so that was good. He had supposed to be on a tour of town but had come here first and because the HPA was so good they had stayed.

The singer was decent, and it’s always good to exchange pleasantries with Jaz too and have a catch up with Woza. Successful visit. He did confirm that Alvechurch is pronounced with an r after the e.

Class day. Alvechurch (a) in the F A Cup First Round please. It might just be ready for a cob again by November.