Last Saturday was February 1st. I had a rough plan. I was only going to have a couple of beers and that would only happen if Walsall won. I am cutting down on the booze and generally doing well with this but there are always bumps in the road eh? Or mossiv pot holes should I say as a Walsall resident?

First up though was breakfast. My mate John Heighway had not done a Walsall Arms breakfast so he joined me for this one. Said pub has recently starting doing Sunday dinners on a Wednesday evening and he has paid for the food on both times that we have done this so I was determined to pay for breakfast here. He refused and insisted on paying. Oh well, I tried.

I’ve been coming here for brekkie since they launched in July and this visit was the first time that I’ve noticed that one condiment pot is red and the other white. Very Walsall FC approved but to be fair I’ve never used either previously but now I know that black Pepper helps boost your metabolism I’ve been obsessed with it and have it on most things.

John was impressed with brekkie, we celebrated another successful mission with a second cup of tea each and we went our separate ways. I had two missions. First one Santander. The queue was massive. I was paying in for once. Usually money only goes into my account on payday so I’m still expecting a call about “suspicious activity on my account.” I tried to use the pay in machine but it would not accept my notes (they were real I promise.) I gave up. If the machines ever rise and try to kill mankind I’m hiding in Santander. If they can’t do their one job, I doubt they are taking me out with a laser gun.

I rejoined the queue (now extra mossiv). Typically the two folk in front of me were nothing having a right good natter at the counter but eventually I was served and on my way up the market.

ASDA was next. I started using this place a couple of years ago. It always baffled my lovely SciChem Customer Service office buddy Lindsey as to why I didn’t use ASDA with it being the closest supermarket to my house but instead used Tescot, you know the one the other side of town. Especially as I had to walk home with the shopping.

Anyway I like this ASDA, my spending has gone down though since the KFC in there closed. There is always something going on in here. Once a couple were having a right barney in front of the fish finger freezer, which was the one I wanted. I had to peruse the battered cod fillets until they finished. I’ve been in over 1500 pubs, lots of them with condom machine but only in the toilet here have I ever seen someone else use one. The bloke looked around as I entered. I just gave him a knowing nod and we both carried on with our business. One time (God I sound like the lass out of American Pie/bloke out of The Fugees) I saw a new white bra still on it’s hanger left on a display of beef jerky by the checkouts. I can only assume another couple had had a row an she’d thought ‘bollocks to looking sexy for you tonight.’ Once the KFC was closed as they had no water. Good to see Precious Little from Come Fly With Me back in work.

Anyway I was only after one item today so not time for any drama on this occasion. I got home, fannied around a bit then noticed it was 2.20. Bescot Stadium is 40 minutes walk away and I wasn’t quite ready so I got my arse into gear.

The previous day at work I’d had a craving for a packet of Skips. Now, 24 hours later I still fancied some so I nipped in the shop at the top of Alexadndra Road and grabbed a pack. I was just getting to the turnstiles when Salford scored. Reasons I’ve missed a goal number 1.000,429 buying a packet of Skips.

First half was a bit poo. Asps announced he was going to the bar and asked if I wanted anything and I said I wasn’t drinking. 5 minutes of poor football later and I’d changed my mind. “Go on then, I’ll have Madri please.”

Asps and I had a good chat in the bar then he went upstairs and I found Andy Jones along with Helen Baker. There was more football chat but then it was time to make it all about me which I did by talking about my birthday bash this year. Andy reminisced about my bash last year commenting that my karaoke performance of The Divinyls classic I Touch Myself was “disturbing and entertaining.” I was more than happy with both of these bits of feedback. Now how do I top that this year?

I headed back upstairs. Salford broke away and scored a second but then a triple substitution turned things around around and we snatched a 2-2 draw. There was a strange split in the crowd with some happy at a comeback point after two defeats whilst others were ready to start ripping seats up.

I joined Asps, Ross and Pete in heading to The Railway Club. Asps asked why I was drinking Coors. I said “I’m not drinking and this is the closest that I can get to not drinking.” “Why aren’t you drinking?” he asked. I admitted “I am really, I’m just being a nob.”

After one pint in there I power walked into town. At the top of Bradford Street I noticed exterior lights lit up on the front of Room 112. I still haven’t ticked this off since it changed it’s name from Flying Tiger (if I remember correctly, Bar NV before that). The last time I tried to tick it off Josh was dropping me off in town after watching a game at his. I saw it lit up and the front door open, albeit slightly. He parked up, I jumped out and marched in. It quickly became apparent it was a private party and I swear that everyone turned round and glared at me. I’m used to people staring at my crackin arse but not my face.

Room 112 was not open. It seems like I’ll be in Room 101 before Room 112. (Room 101 is a torture chamber if you’ve not read 1984)

I continued into town but needed food. Those Skips were wearing off so I went into St Matthews Hall ready to order a plate of 10 chicken wings and have a couple of Wetherspoons coffee refills. Then I saw on the bar a notice “Managers Special. Mixed grill and a pint for £9 (I typed miced grill on the first draft of this, that would be a different meal but I bet some takeaways could offer it). Anyway this deal was about £1 more than the chicken wings and coffee would have cost so I dived in. This cutting down on the beer was hitting a snag. Oh well. Announce Wet February.

I’d seen Matt Whelan earlier and he told me that local acoustic singer and fellow Walsall FC fan Kevin Ruby-Astin was playing Katz in the evening. I’d heard good things about him so I started walking that way. I messaged Whelan asking what time he was getting there but before he had chance to reply I was heading into what was Arbor Lights. This place was great in the 90’s as Fibber McGee’s. Dominic Owen and I would venture in on a Wednesday for the very entertaining karaoke hosted by legendary local barber Michael Scissorhands. We’d then grab food from the Kebab Ranch before walking back together. We both lived by The Fullbrook in those days. It later became Arbor Lights, a swanky bar which went totally foodie towards the end with limited opening hours. It then became a motorbike shop which lasted about a year and is now Afriqana – restaurant and Lounge.

No pulls on the bar but bottles of Heineken and Guinness available I went for the lager saving the stout for those affected by the national shortage. Music was very urban with some Pete Tong style horns thrown in. It could have been Pete Tong for all I know. I have no idea what the Radio 1 schedule is these days.

No menus dotted around so it was just the Lounge part of the business at this point. Before departing I used the loo. The doors was marked with “Biker Dudes.” I’m guessing a left over touch from the motorbike shop days. I went in despite not being a biker. I went on a motorbike once when I was about 8. I was terrified, screamed very loudly and cried for ages afterwards. Even as a kid I never missed the chance to be very dramatic about things.

In Katz Kevin was already on and it was Amy MacDonald “This Is The Life” being performed which is a bloody great song. This was followed by Fleetwood Mac “You Can Go Your Own Way.” I needed no further convincing that this was going to be a good night.

There were a few fellow Saddlers in which was good, especially as the next song was self penned about being a Walsall fan. One lyric I think was “I’ve got friends, Saturdays and Tuesday nights like when Barrow away was fucking shite.” I couldn’t clap the first two songs, due to getting served and then tying my shoelace. I think most 5 year olds could tie shoe laces quicker than me but then they don’t have booze in them. Anyway this song was class and I certainly clapped it.

Other stand out songs were “Valerie” very much more Zutons than Amy Winehouse, and “If You Wanna Come Back” by my favourite band The Vaccines. A double bill of my two favourite Billy Ocean songs just added to the occasion.

I thoroughly enjoed this but I wanted a night cap in The Walsall Arms so didn’t stay until the end.. I must see Kevin again soon though and I think he said he is back in Katz after the last home game of the season v Accrington. Let’s hope we have something to celebrate by then eh?

The Walsall Arms was heaving, and bouncing. Usual Sunday night karaoke host Mad Marie was doing an Amy Winehouse set and I caught the last two numbers. Firstly “Back To Black” and finally “Valerie.” Both went down a storm with the latter having the whole pub singing with many dancing on the seats. Great times and I was happy as I’d had two lots of Valerie action that night and doubt many other men in the Walsall area could boast that. Marie went on to sing general songs. I think I had a couple of beers, and a shot then departed.

Cracking day. I’m still cravimg Skips though.