Fishley Park is a long standing singles night based locally. I’ve heard about it since the 90’s but some reason I thought it was near Lichfield but a chance conversation with Carole at work taught me that it’s actually in Bloxwich. I was going to go on my own in November (bus to Saddlers Arms then walk to it) but events conspired. A friend then mentioned it recently and we decided to make a visit on Friday.

So on Friday, I got home from work and started prepping. I wasn’t in a good mood leaving work which is unusual so I went a bit angsty with the ironing song of choice with the full 9 minute version of Green Day’s Jesus Of Suburbia. Long enough to cover shaving time too. I went for one of my smarter shirts. It’s black and I really don’t like wearing black. I’d make a terrible goth. Imagine me turning up to a Goths Anonymous meeting wearing white and causing outrage. Anyway the shirt is smart imo but I don’t tell people I actually bought it from a charity shop for a 1920’s style Prohibition even in Birmingham in 2021.

I met up with my mate who wishes to remain anonymous and we jumped on the X51. I’d proposed The Hatherton Arms in Bloxwich as our first stop as it’s near a taxi office and it’s just the best pub in Bloxwich. The usual karaoke bloke Gaz wasn’t on but another was hosting and it was soon full of people of all ages just having a good time. The first song to be performed was a couple doing Dancing On My Own by Robyn. I joined in whilst thinking I hope dancing on my own isn’t an omen for later.

Two ladies stood next to me at the bar, they got drinks then lingered for all of 5 minutes before fucking off out of the pub, not to return. I was having my normal effect on the women already.

We got a taxi straight away, I banged my head getting in it. God I’m not even in front of the ladies at Fishley Park and I’m already making a nob of myself. We were soon there arriving at 9.15. I banged my head getting out. Mate paid for the taxi and my entrance fee which was decent. We were told we had to hand our coats in so I passed mine over and was given a raffle ticket which was a nice surprise. I’m usually pretty lucky at raffles so it was already shaping up to be a good night. I was hoping chicken in a basket was to be the next surprise.

It wasn’t very busy as we walked in, got served straight away although my Coors was somewhat lively and had to be poured twice. His first attempt was carefully carried into a back room.

We settled at a table and then in walked a lass. She was smiley, had a nice outfit on and there was something about her. She sat at the opposite side of the room though.We were sat by the bar. Standard for me.

The room started to fill. A man right in my eye line stood on the edge of the dance floor, assessing the form with his legs wide apart. It reminded me of the Tory MPs strong and stable power pose of a few years ago. The music was varied. I’d forgotten to check if I need to pre book the playing of Tha Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony to spark me into life like at the recent speed dating event. If you missed the speed dating blog you can catch up here

The DJ was taking requests but I wasn’t walking up and asking for owt. He played Thriller. This sent Mr Strong & Stable onto the dance floor doing a few Michael Jackson moves, even throwing in a moonwalk. If only Theresa May had done one of these at the end pf a party political broadcast she might have won a bigger majority.

Mate went to the loo. Came back reporting that it’s usually mostly women until midnight then loads of men come in. It was just after 10. There was now a timescale to focus on. Come midnight my ideal lady would be spoilt for choice. Fortunately I’m no Prince Charming so she wouldn’t be running off at that time and leaving a shoe behind.

I went to the loo. On the way out, I clocked the condom machine and perused it just for investigative journalism purposes. Wondering if the machine was poplar given the nature of these singles nights. £3 a pack. Reasonable although I wondered if the price went up after midnight like with taxis. A bloke walked in and caught me perusing. I had to make a quick decision. Make it look like I’d puled and buy a pack or just style it out and walk away. I kept the £3. The last condoms I bought went out of date so I’ll buy on a need to basis. Even if dynamic pricing has kicked in after midnight.

I went back out and eventually the lady I’d seen at the bar hit the dance floor. To quote Jimmy Lennon Jr “iiiiiiiit’s showtime.” I have no issue with dancing per se but doing it to try and get close to a lady is just not me. I didn’t go straight up as it would look obvious, so left it and had a few more intake of Coors. I then sauntered up to the dance floor. Bloody hell, sauntering again like at speed dating? What’s happened to me? Needless to say, as I was involved in this operation it went as smoothly as Rubiks Cubes in a blender. I got to the dance floor just as she walked off it.

Oh well. I’m here now. I’m kind of committed ,so I boogied to Two Can Play That Game by Bobby Brown and Don’t Give Me Your Life by Alex Party, the latter bringing back class memories of my 21st birthday upstairs in Bridge Street Social Club (WS1/Religion for the Gen Z/Millenials). Hotel California popped in my head, mainly the lyric “some dance to remember, some dance to forget.” Here’s me dancing on my own trying to impress a woman that’s not even looking at me.

I returned to the table. I didn’t notice the lady go back up to dance and I’m really not one to go and try and chat up. I never have been. My previous relationships have come through 3rd party instigation. Maybe I should have strutted over and just held out my hand and then led her to the dance floor like in films.

Time flew by, and soon it was 11.15. We opted to move on and ordered a taxi. The DJ played 2 UB40 songs in quick succession and we took this as our cue to depart. I enjoyed the visit, it just went so fast and I didn’t speak yo a single lady. I was served by a bloke at the bar and my coat was taken and returned by a gent. The taxi came quickly and we were off to another pub. I didn’t pull and we left before the raffle was drawn. I bet someone got a fondue set on a re-draw.

Back on the dating apps then. My e-harmony membership has now expired so I might give Plenty Of Fish a go. I like fish as the bloke in my local chippy will testify.