I was on a 4 day weekend. Craig had made his first Sunday night Walsall Arms karaoke appearance and stopped at my house after a great night. We had plans for Monday though. Bowling and ticking off the The Retro Realm the new gaming arcade by The New Art Gallery in Walsall town centre. With a quiz on the night.

Wetherspoons breakfast was needed to start the day. Eggs Benedict with the rocket held. Sorry Elton John but I aint no Rocket Man. The Sun was shining so Craig wanted to sit outside. I wasn’t sure it was warm enough. Especially as I had just a light jacket on, as someone in the Walsall Arms had asked of my attire the night before “why don’t you buy a coat that fits you?” I’d happily confirmed that I was more of a unit in the days of me buying that but in the light of that feedback the big Winter coat was left at home.

It was actually a beautiful day and it’s always nice to sit in the Sun. I don’t see it often. One of Craig’s rules is always sit outside when you can. Breakfast was ace and I certainly took full advantage of the free coffee refills. A helicopter circle over head sparking the usual intrigue of it’s mission.

Conversation here was varied ranging from “what is your favourite Avril Lavigne song? (I’m With You and Don’t Tell Me being mine) through to death by Helicopter crash. Craig said he’d never go in a helicopter due to fear of it crashing. Me, never one to turn down the chance to be a nob replied “yeah but what if it crashed into something cool like a castle,m Stonehenge or the M4? Not sure why I picked that motorway and he still wasn’t sold on the idea.

We moved onto Tenpin the bowling alley on Crown Wharf retail park. Last time we came here I didn’t hit a pin with my first 6 bowls and Craig wiped the floor with me, to the extent that I felt like a Vileda Super Mop. Expecting another defeat the pressure was off and I was going to enjoy it either way. The night before I was singing Bowling For Soup (1985) at the karaoke, now I was bowling for fun.

I got scores straight away. No run of ducks this time although all my balls kept going left of center. Suzzane Vega would of approved. I came up with the idea of using the lane to the right hoping to then finally hit the middle pin on ours.

I finally got a spare in frame 8, although I nearly fell over the line when doing this. Maybe this is the secret. The Tin Henman style clenched fist gesture came out when those pins fell. In game 2 I did what I thought was a bad bowl, raised my hands, shouted “oh fuck off”. Very dramatic even by my standards. It turned out to be my best bowl of the day, taking out 9 pins.

Craig won both games, the second with an increased majority. But it was still great fun. The trying to look confident on the walk up to the obligatory dance on every walk back from the lane, regardless of the score. I didn’t get a strike which is probably for the best as I used to have a thing about whipping my top off when getting one. Thankfully now I’m 50, I’m far more sensible and besides nobody wants to see that.

Craig got one strike and I commented that it’s bad getting a strike as you get fewer bowls thus getting less value for your entrance fee. It is a scam to be fair so I’m glad I’m shit at bowling and get my full allocation of balls.

The Retro Realm doesn’t open until 4pm on a Monday (much earlier of a weekend) so we popped to The Oak Inn. We sat outside again, whilst enjoying the music. Someone had loaded the jukebox with American guitar music the highlight being the full version of Jesus Of Suburbia by Green Day. The temperature plummeted whilst here. Earlier Craig had thought his phone was advising the temperature as being minus 6, and my God it started to feel like it here.

There was time for a controversial outburst from Craig as he mentioned that Common People isn’t his favourite Pulp song, instead referring Disco 2000. I opted not to lump petrol onto this already raging fire by saying my favourite is Mis-Shapes.

With The Retro Realm now open we headed there. It is cheaper on a Monday hence our thinking with this particular day for a visit. It was a tenner each for 2 hours and 45 minutes retro gaming (all machines are set to free play) . It’s opening is split into these slots so it’s best to check their Facebook page for details so you get the most of the slot you head for.

We’d had a committee meeting the night before and opted not to play against each other as that would mean one person standing around eating into playing time whilst the other is in action. Also Craig is a bad loser and I didn’t fancy pissing him off with the canal right outside.

I started on a RoboCop game and it’s just fun shooting things. Ms PacMan, Space Invaders followed before I took time out for a Mini Boss Burger from the restaurant.

Craig found Phoenix which he was proper chuffed with as it brought back memories of playing it with his dad as a kid. We then teamed up to save the world from Skynet on Terminator Salvation. It took ages, and one massive robot didn’t half take some killing, proper getting on our tits kinda thing. I think we both cheered when he finally fell. If I meet a Sarah Connor on one of these dating apps, I got a line now to throw in on the first date.

We played a racing game. It soon became clear why I may have failed my driving test as I was all over the place. My cars carefully chosen white paint work took a hammering. I led in the second race only for Craig to pip me on the last corner earning him a “you fucker” and that’s me who generally isn’t a bad loser.

Craig went for more Phoenix action and I went back for a bit more Ms Pac-Man but our time was soon up. We hadn’t scratched the surface. I didn’t even get on Double Dragon. The pinball machines at the front are not free so with our time now up we paid to have a couple of goes on one of these. This was a great visit and we will be back. I’ve since seen on Facebook that the diner/bar area is free to enter so if you’ve missed your train or it’s been cancelled you can pop in and have a can of Kopparberg and play pinball without having to pay to go into the main arcade. Other boozy drinks are available.

The Red Lion was next as I know Steve who also works at the Manor Hospital usually goes in there on a Monday. As we approached a man was singing Disco 2000 on the karaoke. “Still your favourite Pulp song?” I asked Craig. “I think I’m going off it.” Steve was in which was good and pints of Inch’s were soon with us.

It was very enjoyable in here. A man wearing a pair of women’s knickers over his trousers got up on the bar and sang Tequila – not the Terrorvision version. They played Rolf Harris The Court Of King Caractacus and a couple got up to act out the lyrics which was most entertaining especially at the end when it speeds up. The boobs gesture at every mention of the word ladies was immense and it’s just a great sing along song. They also played One Way Ticket To The Moon by who I thought was Boney M. Craig said “it’s just called One Way Ticket” and the group is Eruption.” Never heard of Eruption. Everyday is a school day. I heard this song about a month ago and it had been in my head ever since only dislodging it a couple of days earlier. Now it was back with a vengeance.

We had a couple of pints and left. I sang “One Way Ticket To The Moon” all the way down Park Street. It was quiz time at the Walsall Arms. It’s always the first Monday of the moth and a good event. Me and Craig have an understanding for quizzes. He gets 99% of our answers and I just sit there drinking and looking cool. It’s a good system and probably the only time I’ll be in The 1% Club.

Quiz mistress Alison was in the hot seat as usual and a lass on an opposing team was soon over for her usual banter with us. I enjoy the quizzes even though I am generally rubbish at them. I am still haunted by getting a Monopoly board question wrong a few months ago as I’m a bit geeky on that. Fortunately the Walsall Arms has lots pf corners so I was able to pick one, stand in it and have a word with myself.

Best line of the night was at the start of round 8 which Alison announced as food and drink. Somebody on another team said to his mate “you’ll be good at this you fat fucker.” I laughed very loudly.

We won the quiz, sorry – Craig won the quiz and it was another highlight on a truly great but long day. I was so glad I had Tuesday off as well..