It was the last home game of the league season – Accrington Stanley. You Tube was just doing its thing and I was happy for it to choose the music. It knows my tastes and guilty pleasures. So my shirt ironing song today was “You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain. Absolutely brilliant track and when I meet Mrs Right, if we’re together after a year or so it’s definitely going to be our song.

I needed breakfast to start with so met John Heighway in The Walsall Arms. Usual host Jodi was this time on cooking duties so landlady Jaz was on front of house.

Breakfast was quick in arriving. Jodi did her usual trick of asking if it was alright, while I had a mouthful. I swallowed and confirmed that it was but that the acid test was the bacon which I’d eat last. I can confirm the bacon was good. Jaz was on good form with the banter. She told me she was off to a cheese and wine festival on the afternoon. I said “that sounds amazing. I’m actually jealous. If the match is shit, please send a taxi to pick me up and I’ll join you.”

We stayed for a second cup of tea; Jodi’s young daughter Frankie offered John some pizza. The pizza slices turned out to be Carling beer mats. “Carling pizza?” he queried. Now that’s an invention that needs inventing. Deep pan, tomato sauce, mozzarella, tandoori chicken, pepperoni, beef and a splash of Carling on top to garnish. Wishbone, if you’re reading you can have that. If not, John and I will be on Dragons Den next year. We departed. A good start to the day.

I went home and fannied around a bit, leaving it to the last second to leave the house. Standard. I took a stroll whilst monitoring the Bradford score. Kids, never check the Bradford score whilst crossing the road. It’s illegal and definitely not in The Green Cross Code. Anyway, Bradford lost, automatic promotion was back in our own hands. I put my phone away and starting concentrating on where I was going.

It was about a minute to kick off when I reached the ground if you’re wondering why the outside is deserted in the picture. Well, not quite deserted. My mate Gaz was about and jumped into the picture which I didn’t mind.

I was soon in the ground. Josh was in block 6 which is my usual one so I joined him. I glanced up to the back row where my season ticket is and I wasn’t getting near it. I don’t actually know where my season ticket seat is. Never sat in it. I just know it’s the back row.

We started brightly, hit the wood work twice. Then Accrington scored a worldy against the run of play and we faded. We stayed in the bar after half time and watched in there even though I wasn’t drinking at this point. It was utter shit. I know I’m not going to get a sports reporting job for Radio 5 Live with a summary like that but there’s just no other way of putting it. I almost went round the front to see if a taxi was waiting to take me to the cheese and wine festival.

We went out for the final whistle and soon the dismal showing was over. The team were booed off and there very loud calls for the manager to be sacked. It was pretty toxic. We’d qualified for the play offs but having thrown away automatic promotion that looked nailed on in January was not going down well. It was now out of our hands with the final day fixtures heavily in Bradford’s favour.

We ambled round the front. Josh and his son George went in the club shop and I waited outside. Whilst there, I noticed they stopped letting people in. It wasn’t even 5.15 so it seemed a bit premature. I only saw a couple of people try to go in but that’s not the point. They could have spent a couple of hundred quid, especially as there was a 40% sale on. My mate Asps says that the problem with Walsall FC is that we’ve never had a player called Sodje like most clubs have. The money they could’ve spent may have gone towards a Summer Sodje signing.

There were a few angry folk loitering outside the main reception and the doors were being guarded by police and stewards. We ambled in The Locker. It seems like 5 minutes ago this place was rocking post match to chants of “we are top of the league” and “we are going up”. This time though the DJ was playing Perfecto Allstarz “Reach Up (Pappa’s Got A Brand New Pigbag)” and everyone was chanting along to the chorus “duh-duh-duh-duh fuck-ing useless”, and I think they meant it.

It was very busy in there and I was in no rush for beer as the queues were lengthy,so I just loitered and chatted. I also took this opportunity to go on Facebook Dating for the first time all day. I’d had a like from a lady called Annabel in Telford. The profile pic was just of a plant – not sure if it was a Triffid or not. Normally if there isn’t a photo of an actual person on the profile I class that as an automatic red flag and I disregard, even though I’m not over run with likes on there. This time though I saw that she likes the song “Gravity” by Embrace, which I love. So I thought I’d message including a reference to the song. I was talking to Josh whilst typing and it was only as I was about to press send that I saw that auto correct had changed Annabel to Anna below. Bit preemptive I thought so I changed it and pressed send. She didn’t reply.

People were checking on what was happening outside reception. On my turn I returned and reported to Josh, “they are attacking the Accrington team coach.” Josh was like “whaaaat?” I then confessed that I’d made it up to keep him interested.

Pezza suggested we move on, as the mood in The Locker wasn’t good. So him, Laura and their kids, Bella and Albie, along with myself, my Niece Amber with her daughter Frankie and JB all headed to Katz. We’d just missed The New York Times who had been in taking pictures and talking to customers as Katz now stocks NoFo beers, an American partner company of Walsall FC. I was disappointed to have missed them as I would have made it all about me. I don’t know if the New York Times has a page 7 fella like The Sun used to but I reckon I’d have been a shoe in for it.

There was lots of fellow Saddlers in Katz and it was rammed but the mood was far better than in The Locker. The old “don’t let Walsall FC ruin the day” rule had clearly kicked in. Another Saddler in the form of local singer Kevin Ruby-Astin was doing a set and smashing it again.

It was so busy inside we had to sit outside which didn’t bother us. The conversation was varied. The week before I’d given Laura a tenner and told her to get the kids Easter eggs. She fessed up here that they actually used the money to buy the kids a Danny’s Chicken takeaway. Needless to say I thoroughly approved of this. Remember though, Danny’s Chicken is for life, not just for Easter.

We were joined outside by Swill, Mase and Martin. It was good to see them and as per normal, Swill’s made the night somewhat more random, although Laura added to this with a discussion where she had mixed up my mates Craig and Panda and it took several minutes of probing to work out what she was actually asking. We got there in the end.

I finally made it into the front bar for a NoFo pint and picture opportunity. Free pizza slices and warm samosas were provided which went down a storm. Slowly the group started to dwindle until I was the last one. I popped inside to see what was occurring. I’d briefly met Nick from NoFo outside The Locker earlier and had a quick chat. He was now back in Katz with Jase the landlord so we had another quick discussion.

Kevin was doing a belting rendition of “Red Light Spells Danger” so I watched that then departed. I popped in Walsall Arms but only had one. The singer was really good in here as well but I decided to catch Danny’s before it shut. If it’s good enough for Albie and Bella, it’s good enough for me. Class day apart from between 3 and 5, but hey. We are more than used to that scenario.