Back in the days of Pub 365 Challenge volume 3 (trying to have a beer in 365 pubs in 365 days, but not any of the ones ticked off in the first two volumes) I got bored early on. To try and get me interested again I started to throw in side challenges like trying to tick off every county in England (failed this part), making a snooker 147 break using pubs with the respective colours in their names (read about that one here) and also to visit 12 former Football League towns.

As part of that latter challenge, on St George’s Day in 2018 myself and a now ex friend went to visit Northwich, Stockport (now back in the league and in the division above my beloved Walsall FC), Stalybridge and Glossop. I’d planned this meticulously but unfortunately said former friend was determined to throw spanners in the works all day long and he was completely twatted by the time we reached Glossop. He pissed everyone off in the two pubs we went in. So I’ve always wanted to go back and see if either of us were banned from the town. So last Sunday I packed my bag and off I went.

The journey up was pleasant. Both escalators I needed to use at Birmingham New Street were working which is rare and I only had to cuss under my breath at one person. The train to Manchester was full of people heading to Soccer Aid so it was a good atmosphere. I had half an hour to kill at Manchester Piccadilly so just found a seat and relaxed. I had no ideal how therapeutic it is watching people running for trains. I was soon on the chuff chuff to Glossop. The Northern train was certainly a lot more modern than the last one which I used on the way to Workington in 2018. I thought that day we might have to put our feet through the floor like The Flintstones car.

There was some nice station names on the way like Guide Bridge, Broadbottom, Dinting, Flowery Field (I immediately thought of Flowery Twats like on Fawlty Towers) and also one called Godley. The next one should have been called Creme in my opinion. Especially as their song “Under Your Thumb” (a fave of mine since childhood), was set on a train. Some of the views were stunning and soon the Dark Peak the area where Glossop is based, came into view.

I’d booked the Travelodge, which was in the same converted mill building as the Wethspoons. Location location location. The receptionist was very friendly. There was a tray on the desk of the usual hot drink related sachets so I thought you had to take your own up so I did. Upon getting to my room, there was already some provided .I quickly realised the ones on the desk are for top ups. No wonder the security guard gave me a funny look when I helped myself. The lights worked without any of that putting your room card in a slot bollocks, so that was good.

I’d brought my own poncey Metabolism boosting tea bags, the first time I’ve taken my own supplies on a trip. I had one of those, along with a pod coffee and found Radio 2 on the television then just lounged around for a bit. It was nice to have some me time and the tunes were good. I’d been messaging Craig and had mentioned I was out soon but that Pick Of The Pops was playing songs from 1997. He replied saying go after “You’re Not Alone” by Olive. It won’t get any better than that. It came on as soon as I read the message and I departed shortly afterwards.

It was to be a low key mission on the first night, with just the two pubs we’d visited in 2018 and then the curry house by the hotel. First up was The Starr Inn, right outside the station. This was busy for a Sunday evening and the pint of Titanic Iceberg was in good nick.

Next up was The Globe. There was a quiz machine, now extinct in Walsall. It wasn’t working properly. Despite the large error message obscuring some of the answers for the first couple of rounds, and me getting an incorrect answer about the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I made the final and went for landlocked countries. My best answer was Botswana scoring just one.

There was a Star Wars pinball machine so I had a couple of goes on that. I was disappointed though that there was no Chewbacca sound effects. I pondered hanging around and offering to do my impression of him for other players for just a small fee. I opted instead to sit at the bar, which I never do in unfamiliar pubs.

Earlier on LBC (about 3.45am) I’d heard an interview with author Ben Aitken who visited the UK’s least touristy cities and reviewed them in his book Shitty Breaks – which I’ve now ordered (title not meant to be disparaging, just a play on words. He lauds visiting the places). He’d said when in unfamiliar places, don’t use Google, ask locals for advice, get in amongst it as this is how you get stories, proper local goodness and learn things for travel writing. I never do this.

I imagined an invisible line close around my whole body, called this my comfort zone and then gingerly stepped out of it. I asked a couple for the best pub in Glossop. Unfortunately the couple were from Hinckley and Sheffield. We had a brief chat as I’ve been to both places, but they couldn’t help with my query as it was their first time here. Music was good in The Globe with “Fluorescent Adolescent” by Arctic Monkeys being the highlight.

I moved on. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so it was curry time. I stopped to take a picture and asked a couple departing “any good?” they said it was amazing. I had high hopes. I asked for a chicken balti with no onions and tomatoes. I even had a tandoori chicken starter. I’m on holiday technically, sod it. Food was ace. The bill came to £28, which was good as I still had £30 sloshing around leftover from the Birmingham dining night.

To round the night off I popped to The Brook Tavern next door. One or two locals in putting the world to right and the £3.15 pint of Coors went down a storm with me. I did momentarily forget that I was in public and burst into a rendition of “Azizam” by Ed Sheeran as I walked in. Nobody batted an eyelid.

Day two started with breakfast. I’d seen this advertised outside The Norfolk Arms the day before and as I’d not had a full English since my birthday weekend in the middle of May, I was well up for this. The barmaid was friendly and soon having some banter with the locals. Breakfast came quickly and was really good. It soon got demolished. It cost £10.25 which was reasonable.

I visited the football ground next. Apologies to any residents of Surrey Street as they played “Nellie The Elephant” by Toy Dolls on Radio 2 and I joined in loudly. Glossop North End moved to Surrey Street in 1955. Suddenly I see why Marty McFly was so keen to go back to that year. The ground is about 15 minute walk from the town. It was hard to see inside the ground but I did have a peer through a gap in the gate. I tried to take a picture through this gap but it wasn’t happening. According to Wikipedia, Glossop is the smallest town to have a top tier football club having been in Division One (as it was back then) for a season in 1889-1900. Something my Walsal have not managed.

I had a mooch round the back and found a retail park with McDonalds, and a stunning back drop amongst other retailers. Walking back round the front I saw a couple of old ladies. One trying to look through the same gap that I had. I tried to strike up a conversation but they both looked scared so I pressed on.

I took a long walk down High Street West then headed back. After a relaxing few hours it was food time again. Wetherspoons calling. The Smithy Fold. As I mentioned earlier it is part of the same building as my hotel so much so that the same poles are in there. I wondered if the one in my room came down into here. I was already thinking of sliding down like a fireman for breakfast in the morning. I perused the menu but nothing really grabbed me so I went for the 3 chicken based starters for £7.49. I wasn’t having a mad night on the beer so didn’t need to fully line the stomach and I wanted to save some room for a pizza burger on the night.

I went up to order. The 3 starters and a latte came to £16. Normally I let things slide but I had to query this. “Oh you want the starters?” I confirmed this. “Do yo want sauce?” “Yeah I’ll have bbq please” and it came to 12 pound something. Again this didn’t sound right but I couldn’t query it twice so I grabbed my hot drink and went back to the table. Naturally for me I grabbed the menu straight away. Starters £7.49, latte £1.71 and bbq sauce 99p. I’m no mathematician but I couldn’t work out how this came to over £12. I deduced that he me must has misunderstood my accent and put something else in. I sat and wondered what was coming.

Whilst waiting I found a booklet for Wetherspoons hotels. I have never stayed in one of these and it is definitely on my to do list. I’m pondering a November Aldershot mission so I was chuffed to see that there is one in that town.

Food came quickly and there were 3 pots of bbq sauce, one with each starter. I thought that’s a bit excessive George. (To new blog readers, anybody I don’t know they automatically become George). It dawned on me I’d been charged for all 3 lots of sauce. One would have done but I made sure that I used most of it up and I stayed for 2 extra free latte refills to make up for it. I look forward to the year 2038 when radio adverts are full of “where you mis-sold bbq sauce in Wetherspoons?” I’ll claim for millions.

On my long walk earlier I’d found a pub called The Grapes. Same name as the pub in one of my favourite tv shows Early Doors. I Googled it and planned to get to it for opening time, like Tommy did in every episode. I got there early, so had to wait outside. It was on the main road out of town and lots of cars were about. There must have been loads of people pointing and tutting and muttering “look at him, waiting for the pub to open.” Oh well, I care not. It opened 2 minutes late. Tommy would have been moaning like he had to in one episode.

I stayed to watch The Chase which I’ve not seen for decades, with my best answer being to the question “which soap started with the line, all you’ve got to do now is get the sign writer in?” I shouted the answer (Corrie) before the options came up. Nobody was impressed. I supped up and said goodbyes but stopped on the way out to have a mooch in a little side part. One of the regulars came up and asked “are you alright?” I said that I was just being nosey but it must have looked like I was casing the joint.

Next up was The Friendship Inn. A pub I found near the football ground and it’s the closest so this is noted for if we play them in The F.A Cup. This pub grabbed me straight away. Barmaid was friendly and welcoming and the music excellent. As per normal I sat away from the crowd but as I finished my drink I opted to stay for a second and this time I sat at the bar. Again. Sitting at the bar in unfamiliar pubs 2 days running. I normally wallflower the place out.

Within a minute or so of my second pint being poured everyone had left. “Was it something I said?” I asked the barmaid. “I know yeah.” “I only ordered a pint.” She explained that this was the after work crowed going and that she now normally got an hour to herself before the 8 o’clock crowd came in. She was a decent lass and into her football too. Music continued to be good with Nelly Furtado, my 4th favourite song by The Killers (Mr Brightside) and my second favourite from September “Cry For You” all getting a whirl.

Next up was The Corner Cupboard. This was welcoming also with the barmaid and the trial price £3.50 Thwaites “Three Graces” both ticking that box. It was good in here als with Now 80’s on the television. Best song in here being Sotf Cell’s “Say Hello, Wave Goodbye.” The lyric “you’re used to wearing less and now your life’s a mess” always makes me smile. I did however mange to plonk myself at the one table that was earmarked for a Domino’s match but a man who I took to be the landlord, also a top bloke was apologetic upon asking if he could place the board down.

I hadn’t had much to drink by my standards but I was going to have one more as the Receptionist in the hotel had recommended a place the night before. The Oakwood. I hadn’t budgeted for that second pint in the The Friendship and was now out of cash. I hate paying by card but grovelingly asked, “can I pay by card please?” She smiled and replied “we only take card.” One of those all to rare everybody’s happy moments. Another decent pint but I was getting peckish.

The plan had been to have a pizza burger but when I got in there I saw it was £6.80 just for one topping so I opted for something cheaper elsewhere. I tried somewhere else and nothing grabbed me so walked back to the hotel but en route I saw two ladies outside a shop. Turned out it was a Chinese takeaway. I’d walked by it several times but didn’t realise what it was. The ladies confirmed they were locals and it was their place of choice so I thanked them and dived in. The lad behind the counter was decent. He asked if I was working at the casino. I said no and that I was on a little break and staying at the hotel. He asked where I was from so said “Walsall” in my proudest voice as I always do. We shook hands and he chucked a free bag of prawn crackers in. There was already 2 free fortune cookies in there. Top man.

I got back to my room and there was a slight commotion. A couple were struggling to get into the room next door. “Are you ok?” I asked. Stupid question. I knew the situation. “We can’t get into our room” the lady confirmed. I wished them all the best. It was a good job that I could get into my room ok as I was about to toilet myself.

The following morning I had a few hours before the train so after a good lie in I went for breakfast. Then plan had been to slide down into Wetherspoons (not via the pole) but I scrubbed that after saucegate the day before so I went to another local place, The Bread Shop. I grabbed a sizeable breakfast barm (as it’s called round there) and I also took a almond slice and Bakewell Tart for souvenirs to take home. I had to have a Bakewell Tart from Derbyshire didn’t I?

There was a nice lady having a smoke outside the hotel, we exchanged pleasantries and I headed inside. As the lift doors started to close she appeared. I tried to find the open doors button but she just stuck her arm in and they sprung back open. “Risky that” I said, “I’ve seen films where things like that go wrong.” She laughed and said “Final Destination?” “That lift scene in the new one.” I confirmed. She laughed and nodded.

The breakfast was ace. I had to pop to Reception and was joined in the lift back up by a couple and we struck up conversation. Turned out they were in the room next door. It wasn’t the same couple that was trying to get in there 12 hours earlier.

My train out was was cancelled do a a fault on the unit. Maybe they should have got The Flintstones style train out again. I didn’t mind. I had time to stand in the Sun and reflect on a great weekend. The biggest compliment I can give Glossop is that I wish I had an extra night or two. There were more places to tick off but I felt totally at home and the fact that I started numerous conversations, my confidence must be rising, shows just how friendly the place is.

I’ll be back one day Glossop.Save me a pizza burger.