Back in February I met my mate Chris for a drink. A couple of days earlier I’d seen that Sophie B. Hawkins who sang one of my favourite songs “Right Beside You” in 1994, was performing at a pub in Kings Heath, Birmingham in a few months. I was no doubt running round like a madman at the time so didn’t give it another thought. Chris had seen it too and asked if I wanted to go. I couldn’t say “yes” any quicker. He purchased the tickets and refused my attempt to pay for mine. Top man.

We discussed her, and he only knew the 3 big singles. My aforementioned favourite, “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” and “As I Lay Me Down.” Fast forward a couple of months, and he said he didn’t fancy going all that way for just 3 songs. He had got Pulp two days later so I totally understood.

So I had a spare ticket. I knew straight away who I was asking. Another Chris. Other Chris’s are available. This Chris has been on Popmaster twice, and the only other gig he has been with me to he was also a stand in on a spare ticket, that one for Belinda Carlisle a couple of years ago.

When I next saw him I asked “how are you with Sophie B. Hawkins?” He responded in song with 4 words. “Always, right beside you.” He was hired immediately.

In the build up we made basic travel plans. The 50 bus to Kings Heath was necessary. The contentious issue was getting to Birmingham. I wanted train. Chris liked the thought of the bus claiming that a picture of me, a 51 year old in front of the 51 bus would be good. Despite hating having my picture taken, I never turn down a photo opportunity but I wasn’t feeling this one. He suggested the bus numerous times but we eventually agreed on the train.

On the day I decided to go smart casual. It’s usually t-shirts when I go to gigs but thought I’d make a bit more of an effort this time, opting for one of my favourite white shirts. I’ve been to plenty of gigs where beer has been thrown around but I didn’t think that would be the case on this occasion. I wasn’t getting moshing to Metallica at Download vibes from my fellow gig goers this time.

Shirt ironing song of choice was Crystal by New Order. Great song and fun fact, the video is where Brandon Flowers got the inspiration for his band name. Maybe I should have played some Sophie but that completely slipped my mind. (Playing “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” as I type this though.)

Chris wanted an early start which I wasn’t feeling having travelled back from Glossop already that day but we arranged a rough 4.30 meet up. Chris was at the railway station first. He presented me with a Strawberry Cornetto. I thanked him but threw in “this is random even for you Chris.” He explained how he’d got to town, fancied an ice cream but saw the queue at the van for it. Checked the prices and decided it would be quicker and cheaper to go to Heron and buy a box. He’d also given one to the lovely lady in the ticket office. A Cornetto that is.

We were at New Street at 5.15. About 3 hours after I’d arrived there earlier. It was all too soon but needs must. Chris had a pub in Snow Hill in mind. He announced we were getting the Metro there. I queried this but he wanted full use out of his £8.80 day saver, and I can certainly get on board this that sentiment.

There was a tram already outside New Street so we jumped on board. I scanned for space, I couldn’t see any but will admit to being distracted by a nice looking lass who was fanning herself. I took a step back and felt something. I’d backed into a lady that I hadn’t noticed in the slightest. I was horrified. I apologised immediately. “I’m so sorry.” She ignored this so I repeated it in a louder voice swapping the so for really. I got a begrudging smile.

I was thankful when the tram pulled into the next stop and people got off so I dived onto the seat next to the lady with the fan but was totally relieved when we got to Snow Hill so we could alight to give it a posh word.

We were heading to The Royal. Chris asked if I’d been here before. I said it didn’t ring any bells but if I had it would have been in 2011 when Woza and I did Snow Hill on Pub 365 Challenge volume 1. (I checked my notes and yes, we did it on 15/01/11 when it was called Old Royal and my notes were “shit music eventually turned round by the band Courteeners)

Chris had done a job here recently hence how he knew the place and the barmaid Joanne remembered him so he got a rapport with her going. He paid for the food and my pint of Inch’s. I’m trying to cut down on my eating so just went for a starter of crispy coated king prawns with a side of chips. He tried to make me have something more substantial but I turned this down. I’ve really changed.

Food came quickly and was really good but I did give his steak a couple of surreptitiously envious glances. They’d told us upon arrival that the place was closing at 6.30 for a private function, a corporate jobbie by their bosses but we had time for another round. Again Chris obliged with the cost. Joanne provided table service with him commenting that it felt a bit Covid time bar restriction like.

Chris was having a good flirt with Joanne. I’d reverted to my default setting of sitting there quietly. He was promising to give her and the place a good review online which she was really happy with and she walked off smiling. She returned a couple of minutes later and declared to Chris “I’ve got something for you.” This grabbed both of our attentions. “Oh yes?” She handed him a card with a QR code on for him to scan to leave the review. He sighed and said “that’s about as close as I’m getting to her number.”

This second pint was also going down well but afforded more chat as there was no food to distract us. Popmaster cropped up. As per usual he gave me that days name 3 in 10 (seconds) and this time it was Backstreet Boys. I sat back and awaited for the plaudits. I said “Everybody” – standard as it’s my no 1 karaoke anthem, and then my mind went blank. I could see Blink 182 parodying the “I Want It That Way” video but nothing else would come. Think that’s the first time I’ve failed this, well with Chris anyway. Craig may have other ideas.

We departed. We were probably the last people to leave the now closed pub. It felt like one of those early closing times during Covid. Bizarre. Chris wanted more day saver use so we got the train from Snow Hill to Moor Street and the 50 was in.

First stop off the 50 was The Pub At Kings Heath. Now 5 years old apparently but still feels new. Chris commented that it used to be a JJB Sports. “Got more chance of getting me in nowadays.” I replied. Music was good with Kings Of Leon and The Killers being represented. Staff and locals were friendly and Walsall FC anthem “One Step Beyond” coming on just as we were finishing our drinks was ace.

It was Hare & Hounds time. I’ve only been here once, a few years ago. Maybe just before Covid? Not sure though. I don’t keep diaries. I aint Adrian Mole. That visit was just a wacky one pinter. This visit was shaping up to be different. There was lots of seating, both outside and on the road opposite and lots of it was being used in the late Spring Sun.

No Carling inside, just a lager named after the pub. Chris bought crisps – standard for him, but from a company I didn’t know. He then couldn’t open the pack and asked me to. Never been asked this before. I glanced around in case any hotties were watching. I didn’t mind Chris struggling, but I didn’t want any witnesses if I also failed. I opened them piece of piss, which was a relief. Strange thing to be chuffed about though. Managing to open crisps.

Chris asked me what the B in Sophie B. Hawkins stands for. “Ballantine” I said straight away. “I did not know that” he replied. That is so coming up next time he is on Popmaster. I then followed up with “mate, if I go for a piss and she asks that, and you’re the only one who gets it right and you get called up on stage for a snog, I’ll be hashtag fummin.” Yes, I actually said “hashtag.”

We headed upstairs, and found a great spot, right by the toilets, handy for me but also with a cracking view. And then, as has happened at so many gigs, someone taller stood right in front of me, this time a minute before she was due out. “Fuck sake George.” I muttered to myself. Then, and this is so out of character for me that I actually surprised myself, but I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to move (politely too). He did and stood next to Chris, and stayed there all night. Always, right beside you Chris. He held his phone aloft filming all through the gig so I’m glad he moved.

Sophie came out, she ran from the passageway to the gents which puzzled me, but straight past me and Chris. Upon stage she burst straight into “Right Beside You.” Amazing. This was what I’d come for. So glad I didn’t miss kick off. It was a great performance and I loved it. Box ticked. There could be a power cut now and I’d still go home happy. After the song she explained about how the video was banned in Germany due to the scenes where she is on the horse. She used a word that I didn’t know or remember that was what the ban was called. So if anyone in Germany is reading (hi Ralph) here you go.

At the start of the 3rd song she said “this is a new track, let’s see if it’s got legs.” Turned out instead to be “As I Lay Me Down”, one of her biggies. During this one she took to thrusting the mic to audience members for them to join in. The bloke in front of me was one of them. Probably for the best that it wasn’t me. I’d have given it portions but people watching the live dvd might have been shocked at my ropey accent suddenly blasting out. As the song ended, a bloke behind me shouted “the best song ever.”

There was stories in between songs, mostly about the music but other bits. Like how she loves the UK but asked why the toilets are always so far from the dressing rooms. Someone shouted “wait till you go to Wetherspoons.” Sohpie’s co-musician Belinda commented “yeah but Wetherspoons is cheap.”

The last song of the regular set was “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” – her biggest hit. She said as soon as she wrote it she knew it was going to be big but that her friends didn’t like it. Commenting “my friends are dumb.”

She was on just over an hour I reckon, I made it through without a toilet break – I wasn’t risking missing that quiz question, but darted straight there at the end. Only a 3 man trough and a cubicle so there was a bit of a wait and I had to do a quick rendition of my I need a piss dance. I made it back out and Chris was outside the door. “You’ve just missed her.” he said “she was just here. This lad was talking to her and I was thinking come on Evo come on Evo, and I’ve just shook her hand. You missed her by 10 seconds.” Fuck sake. I’d have been washing my hands so at least those 10 seconds were spent productively. I could have been failing to name 3 Backstreet Boys songs instead. Anyway, here’s some pics that I took during the gig.

She’d gone back into the main room and was doing a meet and greet and signing things. We had a quick COBRA meeting. There was a bus due. and knowing how unreliable they are I didn’t want to risk the next one not turning up so I suggested we depart. “You sure?” Chris asked. “Mate, I’ve seen her sing Right Beside You and she was so close I could have touched her. I’m happy.”

We deduced that getting the bus now would afford us a very quick drink back in Brum but then getting us the penultimate train home, giving time for one in Wetherspoons back in Walsall. Absolute plan.

The bus was slightly late but it wasn’t long before we were back at Moor Street. “We could still get the 51” Chris said. “Chris, you’re obsessed with the 51.” He explained that the 51 would get me close to my house whilst the train would be a good walk. This fell on deaf ears. I was far too excited for technicalities, plus I liked the thought of getting a signed ball from some Network Rail staff to mark my 3rd arrival at New Street that day..

We had a quick half in the newish Wetherspoons then headed for the train. Back in Walsall, just to keep Chris happy I said I’d get the 51 home after Wetherspoons. He commented that it was in 47 minutes or the nest one was at 4.26am. I said if I missed the one in 47 minutes I’d just wait for the next one. Those 4 hours would fly by and would probably be quicker given how long it takes me to walk up Church Hill nowadays.

On the little walk, Chris brought up the issue of Sophie’s sexuality. I said “she certainly likes the ladies but on Wikipedia it says she classes herself as omnisexual.” “What does that mean?” I had no idea and maybe should have researched it. “Perhaps she only likes doing it during the Eastenders omnibus.” It was the best I could come up with at such short notice.

In Wetherspoons Chris bought two packs of crisps. He opened these ok this time but then had about 3 of them. He went to get his bus and I walked up to Wishbone. By the time my pizza was ready the 51 had gone (sorry Chris) so I took a slow walk whilst munching. I was off work the next day so was in no hurry.

Brilliant night this. Cheers to Chris for the tickets and Chris for the company, food and drinks. As I lay me down that night I had a massive smile on my face. I’d always wanted to see Sophie B. Hawkins in concert, so it had that effect. Could have been the pizza though. Probably both to be fair.

As a side note as I listened to “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover” I saw one of the comments on YouTube and it was from a lass who fancied a bloke, so she bought a blank cassette, taped the song and sent it to him with no note. He asked if she’d sent it and hoped it was her. They’ve been together for 30 years now. I’ve just bought 100 blank cassettes and a shitload of jiffy bags off Ebay..