New Oriental Garden – 3A Beeches Road, Leamore.

Every now and then Rob Harvey will message and ask if I want Chinese. I say “yes, cheers” and he goes to this place and brings goodness to my house. It’s a well rehearsed format and works well. One day I said I’d like to pay a visit and give a review. So we did. Fair play to him, he drove from North of Walsall, to my house in South Walsall then took me here.

I was first out of the car as I had to take the usual picture. Much to my surprise and delight, there was a cat close by. This changed things. I needed a shot with him in. Rob was visibly less excited about the cat than I was. He just marched past it and into the empty shop. A couple of minutes passed where Rob could have been ordering, but no. I was still outside going all David Bailey on the cat.

I finally made it inside and started studying the starters. I heard the lady behind the counter say “what would you like?”. I thought give me chance love, only to then realise she was on the phone.

I went for curry chicken wings and the usual king prawn balls with sweet and sour sauce. Rob is well travelled and says he has never found better chicken and king prawn balls than this place so he had the mixture of those. I got my wallet out but Rob said “I’ll sort this out.” I tried to argue but he was having none of it so I shut up. I know when an argument is lost.

Initial observations. No television again. Perhaps it’s more common than I thought. There was still a Covid screen up on the counter but with the size of the place, enforcing the 2 metre social distancing may have been problematic.

The children’s meals caught my eye, especially the “Special Box” containing chicken nuggets, fish fingers, chicken wings, a sausage and chips. Pot of curry sauce and that would be bang on for me. I mentioned to Rob that I’d be having that next time. He said “it’s for kids. You aint got kids.” “Well, I’ll bring Patsy Kensit with me. Try and make it look a bit feasible that I’ve got a kid.” I started to eye up the set meals for 2 just in case this scenario happens.

With no tv to entertain, I went back outside to fuss the cat. It’s a shame that the Cat Reviewer account on Twitter is no more as the below pic would have got millions of retweets. Cat was ace, very friendly and accepted fuss. Would stroke again 9/10. I was summonsed back to the car with a class line of “come on you cat botherer.”

Back at mine and Rob unpacked whilst I just stood there looking very cool. They’d dropped a clanger as they’d put extra of my chicken wings in. Not exactly “bank error in your favour, collect £200” like in Monopoly but a nice little bonus. No food pic this time as what I’d had isn’t the most picturesque.

Rob had one of the spare wings and reported that they were very hot. I didn’t feel this. The king prawn balls were epic as were the wings. Proper enjoyed this. Mid munch though I suddenly realised that we didn’t get any free prawn crackers. I always grab a menu so I checked. Free prawn crackers on orders over £16. However the next line said free curry chicken wings on orders over £25. That explained the freebie. We had literally crept into level 2 of the bonus scheme. (Free prawn crackers and wings on order over £35.)

Great visit this. Place isn’t open on Tuesdays. Cat may still be available for fuss though.

Britannia Cafe, 18 Stephenson Square, Beechdale.

I’d got to have some 69 action. The bus service that is. I’ve used this bus a few times and had noticed this cafe, so on this occasion I decided to break up the journey and stop for brekkie en route.

I alighted the bus but my entrance was delayed as I loitered in the Sun listening to the Ten To The Top music quiz on Vernon Kay’s Radio 2 show. (I got 9 out of 10, only being let down by my lack of knowledge of the members of Little Mix.)

I was slightly confused upon sitting down as all the menus gave the address as Bloxwich making wonder if I’d got the wrong bus. There are 10 different breakfast options, so I just grabbed a smaller one than usual (I’m trying to lose weight – honest). This was £7.90 and came with a choice of tea, coffee or can of pop. I went for tea which is standard. I only drink coffee at work or in McDonalds.

Music was set low but we had some tunes like “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong”. Classic. Breakfast came quickly and was really good.

Whilst munching a couple of blokes came in and one recognised me as a Walsall fan. He waited until I had a mouthful of food before striking up conversation. This happens to me a lot. Good chat though once I was able to respond.

Good visit this, the lady serving was friendly and courteous giving me a “see you soon” upon departure. As she may well do. But It’ll be the £8.50 breakfast next time.

Hing’s Welcome – 28A Allens Lane, Pelsall.

Back in the 80’s my parents best friends Mavis and Mike lived on Avon Crescent so we were regular visitors to Pelsall and I’d seen this row of shops millions of times but never been in any of them. Then recently my mate John mentioned that there is a Chinese takeaway amongst them and it’s really good. The rest is history. It would be nice to finally visit this row of shops and to get food and a review out of it too? Absolute bonus.

John picked me up and we headed over. He used to deliver for them so was greeted like royalty when we walked in. I’d done my research and needed no time to peruse before ordering spiced salt and pepper crispy chicken wings with a king prawn curry. I normally order chicken curry and as you know I fear change so this was a big thing for me.) John went for beef fried rice, and she always puts some curry sauce on top for him as standard. He still gets the staff benefits.

Entertainment was provided by a television showing Sky News and there was a copy of that days Daily Mail. A sign behind the counter advised the “10 Commandments For A happy Life.) I free styled and made number 11 “order salt and pepper chicken wings and king prawn curry. There was a fan on the counter which was very welcome.

Another customer walked in also called John. I suddenly felt out numbered. The John’s were taking over. There is never another Mikee walking around when you need one is there?

Food came quickly and we sped off. Absolute Radio treated us to some belters on the way back. The food smelt amazing and we got some extra time to enjoy the aroma as when we came past the Arboretum it seemed like the whole world and their mom was turning right into Mozzas. (I still called it Safeway to be honest but as this is a public blog I thought I’d better be professional and call it by its new name).

We got back to mime and saw that we’d got free prawn crackers. No clues on the menu as to what you have to spend so it could just have been because they love John. We sat up the table like civilised adults. I stuck YouTube on and we were treated to Kelly Clarkson covering the Sophie B. Hawkins classic “Damn I wish I was Your Lover”. One of my favourite ladies covering a song by one of my favourite ladies, whilst eating Chinese. Absolute perfection. Food was really good. Had I lived on Avon Crescent I could have easily seen me staggering out of The Red Cow of a night and heading into Hing’s Welcome. John, get your delivery job back please. You know where I live.

Moon Palce – 19 Old Birchills, Walsall.

I was a regular here when I lived on Lewis Street, sometimes popping out of the Rose & Crown, ordering food then going back in the pub for another pint while they cooked it. . One night, Woza had yet again get me out of another one of my self induced crisis’s so I offered to buy him a Chinese and I brought him here. He asked for an omelette. I was aghast. I pointed at the mossiv menu on the wall and said “all this nice food and you want omelette?”. Of course, muggins here had to go up the counter and order it. The woman serving was fummin and even a another customer was livid. In truth he probably didn’t give a shit but I told Woza he was anyway just as it suited my narrative.

Anyway, I didn’t go back in after omelettegate and moved back to this side of town shortly afterwards. 10 years had passed so I said to Woza “geez.” Most of my conversations with him star like that. I said I wanted to review this place and if I paid would he come with me. He agreed. I asked Jase at Katz if we could munch there which was agreed to and off we set.

The trip from my house to Moon Palace was slightly held up by an articulated lorry complete with trailer doing a U turn on Stafford Street, which was somewhat captivating, but we were soon at our destination. Well it’s been painted in the last decade. It’s now very orange. “you’ve been Tangoed” was Woza’s opening observation.

I’d announced en route that just for banter and investigative journalism purposes, that I’d be trying the omelette. I’ve took the piss out of Woza many times since that night but now I wanted to see how it was.

We were greeted warmly by the lady who commented that she hadn’t seen us before. Woza stepped up an took charge of the conversation, explaining my past usage. “Nice to have you back” she concluded. So I ordered. King prawn omelette. It felt odd. I asked Woza what he wanted. “Chicken and mushroom omelette.” The woman looked taken aback. “You’re both having omelette?” she queried. She must have thought we were very odd and she’d have had a point. Our two omelettes and a pot of curry sauce came to £20.50. I had notes in my wallet but the only coin on me was a 50p. It was clearly meant to be.

She disappeared intot he back and I surveyed. No television or newspaper for entertainment so I studied the large menu on the wall. Free small bag of prawn crackers on orders over £13 and a large bag on orders over £18. I like the 2 tier approach here, especially as we’d hit band 2.

Woza having omelette again did puzzle me so I asked “do you not like Chinese food geez?” “I sort of like curry” was the response. Not enough to have it though.

Food came quickly. The lady gave a “hope to see you again” I was brave and attempted a funny. “I’ll try not to leave it 10 years next time, which did get a laugh out of her along with a “hopefully I’m still here in 10 years.”

We headed to Katz and tucked in. “How is your omelette geez?” Woza asked. I was honest. “It’s really good. But I’m not having it again. Back on the proper food next time I go there.” I asked how his was. “yeah, it’s alright.” Channelling his inner Keith from The Office there. He congratulated me on having the most expensive omelette available. He knows better than most how much of a penny pincher I used to be.

Good visit this and I will go back. Won’t leave it a decade else I’d be 61 by then and I aint waiting that long to try the curry samosa starter which did intrigue me.

This place isn’t open on Mondays and it’s cash only according to the menu.

After a pleasant hour in Katz, Woza dropped me off and I waved him off with a large unopened bag of prawn crackers. Never done that before. I did offer to share but he was having none of it. I didn’t argue.

Saira’s Grill – 45 Birchills Street, Walsall.

On Friday, I was meeting Mase, Swill, Chris and Mart in The Rose & Crown in a straight from work jobbie. Only been in this place once and it had a different name back then. I’ve gone through the years on streetview on Google Maps and neither of the names that it had during my time living in Lewis Street leaped out. Anyway, it’s a straight road out of The Manor Hospital to here so I perusing the menu just minutes after clocking out.

There are 34 deals listed on the wall behind the counter. I’d got to number 3 when I was asked what I wanted. I just went for a 8 inch pepperoni pizza at £4. Not one of the 34 deals.

No music in here but that was fine. I’d had plenty of tunes during the workday as we’d had Radio X on. The food came out and the man asked if I wanted any sauces. I declined. I was only having pizza. He seemed genuinely taken aback. “No sauce?”. I confirmed this but accepted serviettes instead.

The pizza was good. Couldn’t fault it for 4 quid. I might come here again next time I’m on a straight from work mission. Good visit and I then had a nice amble up Dalkeith Street, which is where my parents moved to after they got married. Good times.