A week last Saturday Walsall were away at Barnet. I’d stopped the night at a hotel in Eastcote following an evening in Pinner. But now it was time for the main part of the weekend. Football.

Barnet are back in The Football League after running away with the Conference title last season. Since we last played them they have moved to a new ground so lots of us were up for getting a new tick. Barnet made the ticket arrangements a bit odd though. Our season ticket holders were sent a code which would allow them to buy tickets. Josh and I have swapped roles as season ticket holders this season. He got one while I dropped off. Thankfully he got me a ticket but many of us raised an eyebrow (or two) at the cost of £26. I took the Stella Artois approach though. Walsall FC “reassuringly expensive.”

Josh said he’d pick me up from my hotel. (The people in room 53 still had the do not disturb sign on). I’d barely got my seat belt on and Josh started the banter, “you got your ticket geezer?” I laughed at his question “yeah good one fella.” He shot me a look. “I’m not messing. Haven’t you got it?” “No, you didn’t give it me.” Somehow he’d brought his and his son’s but not mine. He came up with a plan. He phone the hotel, pretended to be me and asked if they could print the ticket. I was quire disappointed that he didn’t do an actual impression of me though. I’d love to hear that.

He drove us to Pinner. He’d researched and we were soon at Silver Grill Cafe. It was busy. Always a good sign. We got our drinks. “Do you want sugar?” he asked. “Is there a sweetener?” I asked. “You’re such a ponce” he retorted. I settled for brown sugar. Mick Jagger would have been very impressed. He was right with the ponce bit though. At this point he was one of only 3 people that knew about my cheese and wine antics from the night before.

I paid up. It was a friendly place but I did wonder how they keep tabs on folk. I’m used to cash up front for breakfasts.

We headed back to Eastcote to my hotel. Josh – still pretending to be me, went into Reception to print my ticket. Thank God it was a different Receptionist or she’d have been thinking ‘he seems taller, thinner, younger and better looking than yesterday. And where did he get that hair from? He was bald yesterday’ He got back in the car clutching A4 goodness. He didn’t go all Neville Chamberlain “I have in my hand a piece of paper.” He was parked on a bend though so really not the time for pre World War 1 impressions.

Josh didn’t fancy paying to park at my hotel so we found a parking space by the tube station. Final song we heard before parking was “Push The Button” my second favourite song by Sugababes. Nice nod to founding member Siobhan Donaghy who was born in Eastcote, although she had left the group 4 years before that song came out.

We got the Metropolitan Line, but had to change at Wembley Park. Josh’s turn for the bad memories of May to come back. We were soon on the Jubilee Line and heading to Canons Park. Josh knows how much I love the London Underground so it was good to have him with me on it. I’ve only used it about 8 times but am addicted to all the “we got to get to this station to get that line” stuff. Marvellous.

Barnet no longer play in said town but are now based at The Hive near Edgware. I loved the old ground Underhill. I went 4 times. The fabulous 3-1 win in April 1995 on the way to promotion is the standout result but a 3-0 defeat in early November 1992 which had us Saddlers singing Christmas Carols, hymns and Andy Collins doing some very vigorous air organ playing was memorable. The chant of “Barnet, give us a hymn. Barnet Barnet give us a hymn” remains with me. They didn’t. It was probably my favourite 3-0 defeat ever. Barnet’s only win over us I think but more than willing to be wrong.

My final visit was for a random Tuesday night 0-0 (could have been 1-1, I’ve slept since then)in a 2001 friendly. I missed the draw in 2006 on our way to the league title as I was moving home yet again. That was our last visit.

Anyway we arrived at Canons Park, now accompanied by Shaun and Julie and had no trouble finding the ground. We then obviously found the pub. Moranos. This was a narrow, dimly lit (as most are nowadays) pub with plenty of Saddlers fans (big hellos to Claire and Adam) and a few Barnet for balance. We grabbed drinks and headed outside. We were joined by my former SciChem colleague and absolute legend Don Mills, his son Chris and grandson Alfie. We’d bumped into them down the road, and they were walking towards the ground. We talked them into an about turn.

Don and I soon got chatting. He said that he’d read on my blog about me not having a working tv since 2023, and asked if I wanted a spare one in his garage. I readily agreed. He explained that it’s a curved tv. Being a technophobe that meant nothing to me but it sounds really advanced so will stick out like a sore thumb in my house.

We had a few laughs, along with Chris who is an absolute top lad and I’m still grateful to him for putting me in touch with my mortgage adviser/miracle worker. Back in 2017 than only thing in worse shape than my physical form was my credit rating. How she got me a mortgage still astounds me.

We weren’t the last Walsall fans to leave the pub. I’ve changed. At the ground I lost Josh when I was held up at the security checks. I wasn’t trying to smuggle anything moody into the ground, honest.

First person I saw in the ground was Rob Harvey who was on the front row so I joined him. We took the lead within two minutes. I rushed forward hoping to be seen on the tele celebrating but I’ve not had chance to view the footage yet. It was 2 nil soon afterwards and it was looking like we’d run riot. Barnet got a poor goal back and I headed for the loo.

I took a wrong turn on the way (honest) and ended up in the bar. I wasn’t drinking though. I’d seen a Facebook post about how expensive the beer is at the ground. Someone from Dublin had been at their first game and called the £8 for Guinness “extortionate.” If someone who has likely been in The Temple Bar is calling your beer expensive then it needs a look at at. I popped to the food kiosk and there was no queue. Perfect. I glanced at the menu on the counter. Cheeseburger £9. I paid that price for cheeseburger and chips at Wembley so wasn’t feeling paying the same for just the burger. The lad however had come over to serve me so I felt committed. “A cheeseburger please” I said. He checked with his colleague. “They’ll be about 5 minutes” he said. “No problem” I said cheerfully, “I’ll pop back” and I fled.

I joined Josh in the stand and at half time we went to the bar. It’s a great set up to be fair. The bar area is massive. They could hold a Subbuteo tournament in there with all the first round matches taking place at the same time and there would still be room to queue for beer. Upon walking in I got a chant of “Evo Evo Evo” from a couple of folk. Josh thought ‘he’ll love that’ and he was right.

I spoke to Dean and Kerry. When shaking the former’s hand he commented how soft my skin is and invited Kerry to have a feel. Possibly the strangest half time experience in a while. I got talking to Paul and Simon who despite living in Yorkshire, go to all Walsall games. I only did one away game in the league last season so was called a “new ground wanker” and “part timer” which made me laugh. Guilty as charged on both counts.

I caught up with a few folk at half time. John, Kimbo, Ian, Granty, James, Ian, Jayne, Dan, Asps, Tomo,Sean and Panda. Panda asked “have you had a burger?”. “no” I replied “they are £9”. “And they’re shit” he responded. Nice one Panda. I could learn a lot on the art of food reviewing from him. Short and to the point. Apologies to anyone that I’ve missed.

Barnet had a man sent off, I can’t comment as I was still in the bar even though I wasn’t drinking. I made it back up into the stand around the 60th minute. Despite our man advantage Barnet played well and we really had to dig in but held on for the win. I initially thought our second half was shit but now appreciate that we fought and battled for the shirt, and did what we had to. Bit more of that in the second half of last season and this fixture wouldn’t have happened. I thought referee Abigail Byrne had a really good game. I was chuffed at full time as it’s always nice to see an away win. Especially when the home fans have a drum.

We were soon back at Wembley Park. My previous visits have been football related but this time the football was all concert goers, mostly female dressed in an array of styles and varying levels of skimpiness. I risked a smile at a lass and she reciprocated. Then headed up the stairs with her boyfriend. I certainly didn’t smile at anyone at Wemley Park after the match in May.

Josh’s son George who is 6, thought out train was two minutes away but it wasn’t for us. Josh gave him a quick lesson in how the Metropolitan Line has different branches. Go on Josh, get the London Underground buzz in him early. Said train, heading to Watford pulled in. “Train comes and I know it’s destination.” At last, a Sugababes lyric that Siobhan can get on board with. A train to Uxbridge followed and on we hopped on. Josh dropped me back at my hotel and headed home.

The people in room 53 still weren’t up for being disturbed so I quietly entered my room. In the bathroom I applied some of the complimentary hand cream. Now I know how smooth my skin is, I want to keep it that way. I ventured out into Eastcote. There are loads of food places but I was fancying curry so headed into Mumbai Zing. This was busy at 8.30 and I felt guilty at occupying a table for four. I went into sod it I’m on holiday mode and ordered a starter as well as main. Chicken Lollypops which I’ve never heard of. Food was excellent. Only a couple of little quibbles, the starter being slightly dearer on the bill than on the menu and the Roman Numeral clock displaying 4 as IIII instead of IV, a minor pet peeve of mine. I was more bothered by the clock to be honest and I’d exchanged smiles a couple of times with one of the female staff, so let both slide.

I headed into Three Wishes and it was decked out exactly the same as the one in Pinner the night before, albeit it with the 70’s style lampshades at the other end. I wondered if this was a local chain as my mate Asps had checked into a place with the same name in Edgware before kick off. I only had one in here and headed back. Still no movement from number 53. I was starting to wonder if they were dead.

On the Sunday as I was leaving my room I noticed that the people in number 53 had changed their sign to “please make the room up.” I don’t know if I was excited, relieved or just plain jealous that they’d not been disturbed all weekend. Either way in my excitement I left the door card in the slot and gave a grovelling apology to the man on on Reception as I checked out.

I had planned to have breakfast in the hotel, but the day before I spotted a cafe when Josh was looking for a space, the other side of the station so i would have missed it if it wasn’t for Josh. Picnic Cafe was busy for a Sunday morning. I got a table right by the door and the man was over to take my order before I’d even sat down. I had a marvellous breakfast and 3 quid cheaper than would have been at the hotel. Again they were very trusting and brought food out without payment first. In Walsall it’s strictly “no bunce, no bacon.”. I had a street view with a welcome breeze and could watch the world go by.

I had wanted to visit Bucket List Coffee but basically I fucked up and opted to head straight back to Euston “just to make sure I got there ok.” I’m too cautious for my own good at times and was there 90 minutes before my train. I sat outside in the glorious Sun for an hour.

On the train I was sat by a very attractive lady who was already in her aisle seat. I asked if she’d like the window seat but she declined saying “I prefer the aisle seat”. I wondered to myself if it was just so she could get away from me quicker at New Street. Yep, she was off with her luggage whilst the train was still moving. The last carriage was possibly still leaving Birmingham International.

I exchanged smiles with a lass across the aisle. Turned out it was a lady I’d done a panto with in 2016 but I didn’t recognise her. She did me though. Off the train, New Street was doing it’s usual escalator not working hilarity. She struggled to lift her case up the escalator so I offered. I think she was smuggling house bricks. In hindsight I should have slung my bag over my shoulder and double handed her case. People behind me were tutting. One bloke shouted “I’m going to miss my connection, you fat prick.” He didn’t really. I made that bit up to keep you interested.

Train back to Walsall was on time and I was soon home with the kettle and radio on. Standard for me upon entering the house. Superb weekend. Cheers all.