A couple of weeks ago I got a message, random by his own admission – from Josh asking if I wanted to go to the last ever Birmingham Brummies Speedway event at Perry Barr. In our friendship it’s normal my job to send the random messages but I’m now clearly influencing him. At first thought I wasn’t that keen but then the idea of something different and a bit of history with a top man won me over. I’ve never been to Speedway but a few years ago Walsall FC were away at Swindon on a Tuesday night but instead of it being live on Radio WM, they opted to commentate on Speedway instead and it was tedious. I hoped it would be more exciting watching it.

I have absolutely no knowledge of the sport and can only name one rider – Sam Ermolenko, who the sport man on Beacon Radio was absolutely obsessed with when I was a kid.

Fast forward to last Monday and Josh messaged at half 8 asking if I wanted more time that day with him. I was very keen and replied reflecting this. He replied saying that he’d pick me up at 10.30, which I was less keen on, as I’d dropped off to sleep again and didn’t see it until 10am. I nearly broke my neck in my haste to get in and out the bath quickly but all good in the end. I had no idea what he had planned but I layered up on factor 50 (thanks Carole) just in case.

He picked me up, along with his daughters Maizie and Grace and we headed towards West Bromwich. As we reached Sandwell General Hospital he slowed to a crawl. ‘Marvellous’ I thought ‘he must think I don’t see enough hospital during the working week, so he’s brought me to another one on my day off. Inject it into me.’ My hopes were dashed though, he was just getting his bearings and soon we were instead at Sandwell Valley. Somewhere I’d not been before.

The surprise was that we were attending the One Fest festival which I quickly clocked as having something of a Caribbean feel to it. Loads of food vendors, craft stalls, a funfair, two stages and an impressive amount of portaloos. Josh must have told them that I was coming.

We had an amble around. First random occurrence was a lady carrying two drinks made in coconut shells. She stopped and asked me to push one of the straws in. Not been asked that before but I did and we exchanged pleasantries whilst I resisted the urge to compliment her on her pair of coconuts.

I then spotted a nice lady walking around with “Talk to me” on the back of her shirt. I knew not the context for this, and of course I didn’t ask. I don’t have the confidence to go and talk to women, even when there is a written invitation on the back of her shirt. The phrase did give me Terry Tibbs from Fonejacker vibes though. I had visions of her marching up to a food stall and demanding “curry goat, with rice and pea. Talk to me!”

We headed towards the main stage which was blasting out music. Second song was “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” – the UB40 version. Josh took no time in taking the piss. He loves UB40 where as I’m somewhat indifferent. The Elvis version of that song though is one of my absolute favourites, so I did sing along.

I spotted a food vendor called Rastaurant which I thought was bloody brilliant and I said that “I’d be giggling about that all day.”

We headed back to the first field and found chairs. Live entertainment was starting on what I took to be the number 2 stage of the set up. A lass came out and she was really good but not many people were watching, with most being in the other field. At the end hardly anybody clapped and I felt really sorry for her. There was more applause after our dreadful defeat to Accrington in April.

The Ice Cream van was calling. I pondered a Cornetto but I would have had Jay from The Inbetweeners in my head while the lady was serving me. I had a double headed cone with two flakes. It was called Twin Bunny Ears. I’m old school though and for me it should have been a called a 198. I did that sum in my head. Hey check me, I only got an E in GCSE Maths.

We went to the fairground bit so the girls could check out some rides. Not my scene in the slightest. I stopped going to fairgrounds when I was 8 having already deduced by that age that they are shit. And since then I’ve seen Final Destination 3, plus the only episode of Casualty that I’ve seen, back in the 90’s started with some kids going to a fair. I had an uneasy feeling that something bad was going to happen and lo and behold, one of them ended up in hospital. Josh thought that he was joining the girls on The Crazy Caterpillar but got out of it at the last second, rejoining the boozy bezzie in the shade.

After a quick food van mission (1/2 pound cheeseburger for £7 – take note Barnet FC) we headed back into the main field. Red Red Wine by UB40 came on. It was inevitable. I lay down and moved around trying to get comfy. Half an hour later we were off. I got up and was absolutely covered in dried grass – not that sort. I’d turned into Worzel Gummidge in no time at all. I glanced around to see if Aunt Sally was about offering a cup o’ tea an’ a slice o’ cake. She wasn’t.

Back in the car and the first song that came on was “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding which I love and I gave it portions. Not sure Josh was impressed but when you have a stage performer in the vicinity you can never rule out a spontaneous song outburst.

We headed to Josh’s where he resumed his mission of fattening me up for Christmas (he feeds me like he’s my personal Marcus Rashford – his line) and I got down to fussing his dog. I’m really not a dog person having been bitten by a Great Dane when I was nine but Mad Max is urging a rethink and we really have hit it off. Josh’s wife Lyndsey says that I’m Max’s favourite person. I’ll take that.

It was time to start thinking Speedway. The last ever race meeting at Perry Barr Stadium, Birmingham Brummies v Leicester Lions, before it is flattened for housing. To my none West Midlands readers, Perry Barr is an area of Birmingham – not a pear cider stall at a beer festival.

I’d mentioned earlier on that whilst mooching around Perry Barr 10 years ago I’d found a pub by the stadium (which used to hold greyhound racing) called The 7th Trap but it was closed and hoped it might be open this evening. Josh didn’t know of it but researched it. “It’s coming up permanently closed” he said. “Oh, it’s not there anymore. They’ve put a McDonald’s on it.” “Well” I replied “that’s one way of permanently closing it. Put a McDnald’s on it.” “Ronald, we’re not lovin’ it.” Nice line Josh.

My ideal Happy Meal is a cheese, onion and black pudding crusty cob, packet of pork scratchings and a pint. Yeah, keeping the pub would have been better.

As I’d not been to Speedway before I had questions. “What end are we going in? As it’s the last night, are we allowed to invade the track at the end and grab souvenirs?” There were probably others.

We got to Perry Barr. Josh pointed out the McDonald’s. I flicked the v’s at it. We walked to the round. Josh, now accompanied with his son George strolled in, whilst I fannied around taking pictures. As I approached, the gate was closed on me. I was puzzled. “Have I got to use another entrance?” I asked. “We’re full” the gatekeeper said “not letting anyone else in.” Regular blog readers will know that I never query anything. Josh noticed I wasn’t alongside and came back to the gate as I just stood there. He told the man that I was with them and I was allowed in. Cheers Josh. I was already planning what I was having in McDonald’s whilst waiting for them. (Double Fillet O’Fish meal with large toffee latte and a Jaffa Cake McFlurry side mission if you must know.) Josh had said that the McDonalds should have 7 traps in the toilet in honour of the pub name and I’d have certainly checked that out. Should have been insisted on in the planning application. The pictures I had taken were shit by the way. It was a brutal lesson in not fannying around.

In the queue to get in I had another of my stupid moments. I thought ‘God the traffic is bad around here’ upon hearing the sound of numerous motorbikes. Totally forgetting that there was a motor bike event starting to the left of me. I felt a bit bad as I may have taken the place of someone who had been coming 40 years and there was soon a lengthy queue by the gate but more folk were let in so I relaxed.

We missed the first race due to being in the bar, well we had to bring a bit of a Walsall FC match feel to the proceedings but we were in the stand, almost level with the finishing post – for race 3 and I got into it. Josh explained that the match could finish 45-45 and then a super heat would decide it. 45-45?That would impress Zager and Evans if they are Speedway fans.

Josh made friends with the people behind and set about asking them lots of questions which I ear wigged in on. If it was left to me to do this research it wouldn’t have happened and I was more than happy to sub let this job to him.

Between the races there are random songs played. At one point we had Wannabe, The Lion Sleeps Tonight into Wunderbar. There is a two minute warning for the riders to leave the pits. I wanted this. When I’m out with Chris Kelly he always gives a 2 minute warning ahead of leaving the pub and it would have been nice to play this for him.

A man en route to the loo manged to kick Josh and George’s drinks over. Mine was on safer ground in my hand. Josh rushed off to get replacements. He rang me shortly afterwards but I couldn’t hear a thing as, you know there were loud motorbikes going by.

The man returned and said he’d get replacement drinks and I said Josh was already on the case. He said he still wanted to get them so asked what Josh looked like. So I described his outfit. “Yeah but what does he look like?” I went straight into don’t do this to me mode. I can’t describe what I look like and I know how I look off by heart. I tell you, if I ever have to give a statement to the Police, my assailant would look nothing like the artists impression. I showed the man a picture of Josh and off he went in the direction of the bar.

A few minutes later Josh called again, and I could hear him this time. He asked me to bring the plastic glasses as they’d run out. I mentioned that the man was on the way to buy replacements but I was told to bring them anyway. He’d totalled George’s glass. In the bar Josh was at the front, somewhat exasperated but easy to find. There was no sign of the man. I deduced that the search party had been called off pretty quickly. Back outside and Josh had me trying to identify the man. The evening was turning into an edition of Crimewatch.

Back on the track and a rider came off his bike causing the race to be red lighted and stopped. The dj immediately started to play “Red Light Spells Danger” no idea if this was coincidence or deliberate but I loved it.

After the 10th race we had “Snooker Loopy” over the p.a system. “Has the dj just thought it’s the last night night, fuck it. I’m going off the play list” was Josh’s thoughts on this utter randomness.

The man to my left had been getting a bit animated and at one point we made eye contact. He smiled and said “this is hard work.” I smiled and nodded in agreement, not knowing really what I was agreeing to. At the start of the next race he shouted “for fucks sake.” Yep, deffo hard work.

I decided on a toilet visit. On the way into the bar there was a lady carrying a tray with a least 10 pints on it. Possibly more. I didn’t stop to do a proper audit but I did start to think that love at first sight really could be a thing.

The urinals were busy so I headed into a cubicle. It was already proving to be an emotional night and it looked like someone had been crying all over the toilet seat.

Before the last race they played “The Final Countdown” prior to the last 2 minute warning. That got me emotional. Leicester won the night 58-32. Afterwards there were speeches and riders did final laps and wheelies over the finishing line.

Josh asked his new friends how the attendance compared to normal nights and they said it would be less than a quarter of this, and I felt guilty again. I thoroughly enjoyed the night though and it was good to be a part of history. Speedway is a million times better watching than listening to commentary.

Walking down the street afterwards I heard an announcement on the p.a and commented that it was a nice touch. “What is?” asked Josh. “They are going to let people walk around the track and take pictures.” “Do you want to?” His voice was an octave higher than his default vocal tone. “Not really” I replied. “Oh Evo.” His voice had quickly dropped to 2 or 3 octaves lower than his default setting.

It had been a superb day in the Sun. August Bank Holiday Monday used to be all about Walsall matches but that doesn’t happen anymore so it was great to do new things. We rounded the day off with a bit of sight seeing on the journey back to mine.

Josh dropped me off and I was soon tucked up in bed ready to go back to work. I was still chuckling at Rastaurant.

October 2025 update and the Perry Barr stadium is now being demolished https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/birmingham-landmark-gone-forever-bulldozers-32735056

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