Monday, September 29th, Craig and myself were both off work and we arranged to go to Kenilworth to tick off the new JD Wetherspoons pub there which opened in July.

At Walsall Railway Station I asked for a return to Tile Hill, requesting the return for the next day. For the second visit to Craig’s house on the bounce I was told this wasn’t possible and that I’d have to buy two singles. It’s plausible I guess but I actually think it’s bollocks. Two singles means more cost. I always use the ticket office when doing local trips but from now on I might just go trainline where open return is a standard request.

At New Street the escalator was working which was good because I’d damaged my left knee a couple of weeks earlier doing that highly dangerous but thoroughly exciting task of walking down my stairs. It still hasn’t forgiven me but is on the mend. I was glad to not need to walk up that bad boy again (I’d forgotten about the lifts).

At Tile Hill I met Craig and he set off to Kenilworth. This was a maiden voyage for me but he has been regularly for quiz nights and he took on the role of tour guide as he drove along. He drove through Burton Green and explained about how they’d got a new village hall as the old one was demolished for HS2. I commented that there didn’t seem enough houses for a village hall. He agreed saying, “yeah, I’m not sure if this is classed as a village or a hamlet. What’s the difference between a village and a hamlet?” “That’s easy” I replied “one is where people live, the other is a type of cigar.”

Driving along and it became apparent that Kenilworth is somewhat out of my price range. Very nice place though. A bit of sightseeing was first on the cards. We pulled up at Kenilworth Castle. Craig had a blog challenge for me which he piped up with here. “Why don’t you see how many Duran Duran song titles you can get in today’s blog?” He was well aware of why we were visiting the new Wetherspoons on a Monday just so I could do the play on words of my favourite song of theirs New Moon On Monday for the title. I’m no Duran Duran expert. Whilst my friend Shaz has seen them in concert probably as many times as Yasmin Le Bon has, I know a handful of their songs. Please bear with me now as I go and make a mug of tea and study their discography on Wikipedia for a bit.

We admired the castle and I posed for obligatory photos (which I opted not to publish as my t-shirt looks like a maternity dress). The top of the castle must have provided a great view to a kill for the home team when attacking forces arrived.

We found a side street and parked up. Craig paid for 90 minutes deducing that that would be enough. He’d clearly forgetting that he was with me and my fondness for fannying around. Today this consisted of crossing the road to take photos but then also going for close up shots too. I also – to kill a bit more time, used the worlds dimmest cashpoint. I’ve heard of energy saving light bulbs but are energy saving cashpoints now a thing? Is there something I should know? All helps towards net zero I guess.

Inside The Dictum Of Kenilworth, and well it’s all (and still feels) new. First thing that caught my eye was the Roman Numeral clock, correctly displaying 4 as IV, so points for that. We found a booth a perused the menu. Craig spotted that on Monday it’s 3 small plates for a tenner or so. Motion carried. I was all over that.

I don’t follow any Wetherspoons groups on Facebook but they pop up in that infuriating way that you get loads of pages unsolicited in your feed. The Wetherspoons Game is the one I see the most and I don’t mind this as it’s usually good looking women that post pics of themselves, along with pub name and table number then strangers send drinks via the app. I did say to Craig that I didn’t think we’d do as well on this as attractive ladies so we didn’t post our details.

Other groups are about the amount of chips served and the Wetherspoons carpet group as each pub has a unique one. When the food came I got Craig to count his jobs but he soon got bored and said “about 20”. We were against the clock, no time for counting fried potato products.

The food had come quickly, with one waitress carrying 3 plates and her colleague alongside holding one which we both thought was a bit unbalanced, The one carrying 3 had earned the right to take our picture which she happily did.

Craig liked the pub, commenting on the carpet being vomit stain clean but wasn’t so keen on the waterfall painting around the skylight, which I loved.

The was still time for me to make a couple of raids on the coffee machine, with the first refill overflowing. I should have used the reflex and whipped the cup away but I was just watched dumbfounded, causing a man behind to ask if I wanted a Flake in that. Go on then George, go grab me one please, I felt like saying. If he’d said a Lion Bar I’d have frogmarched him to the local shop to take him up on this.

I opted for an iced latte on my final visit to the machine. I made my selection then turned away to survey the scene. Turning back I saw a message “have you bought a glass and ice from the bar?” No I bloody haven’t. I went back to normal latte, just to be less of a ponce of course.

We made it back to the meter in time and headed back to Craig’s house. En route we had a look at some of the HS2 works which is decimating the local greenery and at one point he announced that we were on Kenilworth Road which surprised me as I thought that was in Luton.

At Craig’s, he got busy making me a cuppa and also putting the washing on, but not before announcing he hadn’t got enough for a full load and asked if I’d brought any dirty laundry with me, which funnily enough I hadn’t. I made a mental note to bring a bag full next time. I’m partial to airing my dirty laundry in public, but I’ve never taken it to a friends house. Crags, get a box of Daz in. I’m bringing a white wash round.

We headed to a local pub for the quiz. Early impressions were good with Rock The Casbah (The Clash) and It’s The End Of the World As We Know It (REM) being amongst the first songs played.

Craig entered the quiz with the standard name of The Usual Suspects. He could have gone for The Wild Boys to help me out with his Duran Duran challenge. Talking of team names, back in the day Craig and I went to a charity quiz. It was at the time when former MP Jacqui Smith was in the news as her husband had watched some naughty films. I called our team “Jacqui Smith’s DVD Collection” which got a big laugh from the room.

Anyway, back to this edition. Craig did all the work as per normal. I think I contributed one answer, knowing that Ljubljana is the capital of Slovenia. I once impressed a barmaid from said country by knowing that was the capital of it. We didn’t swap numbers. Imagine the cost of calling there. That would be an after 6pm jobbie.

The last round was a tv theme tune round. It was the same one as the night before which was odd. If I could have got away with repeating quiz rounds when I was quiz master at The Fitters I’d have been all over it. Eddie and Joan in the classic quiz show episode of Early Doors would have also been over a quiz being repeated.

Craig, by his own admission was “bollocksed” the night before and thus couldn’t remember all the answers. We come undone by not knowing the theme tune to Joe 90 (a nickname I hated at primary school due to being the only glasses wearer). A couple of themes were obvious by repeated references to the title (South Park and Fresh Prince Of Bel Air). At the end of the round the quizmaster asked for any repeat requests. I urged Craig to ask for number 5. He was puzzled. “We’ve got it.” “I know. I just want to hear it again. It’s a great piece of music.” Thankfully another team asked for it, but I still nearly asked for it a 3rd time. It was The Crystal Maze if you’re wondering.

We came second by a point. Bloody Joe 90. Craig is notorious for not being happy when not winning but was okay this time, blaming himself for not remembering every answer from the previous nights last round.

The pub kitchen had been closed when we got in, which I had been planning on using. By the end of the quiz I was hungry like the wolf so we went to the local Tesco making it with minutes to spare. We filled a basket with snackage, Craig asked if I wanted a drink. I should have had a can of Rio to get another song title in but didn’t think. Neither of us were willing to buy a bag for life so we walked out with arms full of stuff which looked highly suspicious. Craig paid but let me have the Clubcard points. Cheers fella.

The following morning Craig dropped me off at Canley Railway Station and the very nice lady in the ticket office talked me into having a network day saver which would get me on all trains and buses all day for just 80p more than my train fare. I accepted and was already planning a mission to use it on, on the night. More of that another time. I bet she could have given a return for the next day.

I was soon on the train heading back to Walsall, which and I know I’m biased is my favourite place on Planet Earth. Back in my home town I went to Tesco and the chilled reduced section had lots of stuff with some decent discounts. This took me by surprise and really caught me off guard so I panicked and filled my basket.

Superb time, cheers to Cragga for accompanying me and I can now tick Kenilworth off on my Big World Tour Of England.

And I make that 10 Duran Duran song titles included. Cheers for reading.