Last Sunday my beloved Walsall FC had our first round F.A Cup tie away at Eastleigh. A team I don’t believe that we have played before, who are currently mid table in The Conference, the top tier of non league and the division one step below us. Cup shock was written all over this hence it being shown live on BBC2

It was a ground tick, and I’ve not done an away game in the F A Cup since Jan 2016 – the beautiful win away at Brentford and revenge over our former manager Dean Smith. I had to research that before typing. Shocking on my part that it’s been that long.

I don’t think I’ve been on a coach to an away match since a friendly at Luton in 2016, at a time when we were above them in the football pyramid. This trip to Eastleigh was my first time travelling with Craig Swain’s away day service and the coach picks up outside the Town Hall which is ideal. I wasn’t late but was pretty much one of the last to board. We were away bang on time.

A short while into the journey Heart 80’s was was put on the radio. I could have had a million guesses but would never had said that Taylor Dayne “Tell It To My Heart” would be the first song that I heard on the day. As per the coach journey on Theydon Bois day, I didn’t want to be the first to use the toilet and after 48 minutes (I timed it) it got it’s first customer and I could relax.

Halfway down Swainy donned his outfit for the day. Chucky from the Child’s Play movie which was a bit bizarre but funny in equal measures as he moved up and down the coach.

“Chucky” came round doing a football card. Inspired by Tommy’s win on Early Door, I went for Huddersfield. Fulham won.

I needn’t have thought about being the first to use the coach loo, I made it to the pub Saints Bar in Southampton without going. I was joined at a table by Kimbo and his missus Kirsty She crashed the Red Leicester Mini Cheddars at one point and offered the pack to me. Unfortunately I’d gone into stand by mode, whilst staring at the television and I left her hanging. Sorry Kirsty. I accepted and had a couple to make up for it.

Pub was great, decked out with Southampton FC paraphernalia, and also skeletons, broomsticks and witches hats which I hope were just left over from the Halloween celebrations. Jukebox was playing random stuff with “Bank Robber” by The Clash the standout tune.

At Ten Acres – Eastleigh’s ground (known as Silverlake Stadium for sponsorship reasons) there is a Papa Johns pizza stall outside, which would have tempted me had I not just polished off my Tesco meal deal – first time I’ve taken an Innocent Smoothie to an away game. I noticed there is access to the Manager’s Office from outside the ground which must get interesting during tough times. The club are known as The Spitfires which is just one of the best nickname going.

As I approached the turnstiles the madman that is Rob Harvey randomly popped in my head and I wondered if he would be attempting. This was quickly answered as he was the first person I saw in the ground.

It’s a decent ground. Better than some Football League ones and the refreshment bar was very well stocked. I soon dived on a steak pie. Nice to see Jayne, Ryan, Mark and Daz before kick off.

Rob and I opted to stand not on the terrace but by the Pie Shack right by a sign saying that we couldn’t stand there. Rob asked how long it would take for us to be told to move. I went for 8 minutes whilst he went for 6 minutes 33 seconds. I admired the preciseness of his answer and I aspire to be more specific with any future guesses that I make.

We took the lead after 5 minutes. I nearly missed the goal as I was putting my pie debris in the bin but made it back just in time. Midway through the half an Eastleigh had an attacking throw in and the bloke was stood right next to me as he assessed his throwing options. Suddenly I realised I might be live on BBC2 to an audience of millions. I felt a bit awkward and I think I just grinned like a gormless berk. I know not if I made it on screen but apologies if my face put the nation off their Sunday dinners.

Late in the half Rob told me to have some nachos which I declined as I’m not Peter Crouch, however I offered to shout the coffee, he said “yes” and I went to march off before realising we had a attacking free kick. We missed it and Rob said “we’d have scored if you had been grabbing the drinks.”

Half time I saw Paul, Simon, Matt Stcky (who told me that he had responded to my review of Casa Gurkha in Brownhills by going and loved it, I’m coming with you next time Stacky, I need to fill that loyalty card) and Sarah who I assumed was on our coach and was worried she’d missed it when she didn’t get off it at the pub. She’d gone on a different one so all good. I saw Luke and Rob on the way to the loo with Robs hair looking great as he grows it for his Cancer Research fundraiser. I also saw Michael Lees in the loo which despite being like a potacabin was also decked out with Dyson Airblade style hand dryers. Apologies to anyone that I’ve missed.

I stuck my beanie hat on for the second half. Knowing that the match was on television I had to wear something white to look sexy for the cameras and it was the beanie hat that got the nod. It’s a bit Craig David and as he’s from round these parts, I hoped he’d appreciate it if he saw me on the box.

We were attacking our end in the second half. Behind the goal was split between some of fans and some of Eastleighs and the banter was good. I thoroughly enjoyed the Eastleigh fans chants of “you dirty Northern bastards.”

We eventually ran out 3-0 winners. Chucky could be clearly seen celebrating the second goal which must have looked great for the tv audience. Job done, banana skin avoided and pleasing as after we scored the first, Eastleigh took control and could have had 3 or 4. I put this down to us making it look good for the tv audience but it was a decent cup tie and full credit to Eastleigh. Decent club and I hope they do well this season. The ladies in Pie Shack were great and deserve a mention. I also saw all the goals, including the third which wasn’t visible on tv due to the Sun coming out.

The coach driver didn’t fuck about on the way back and we were in Walsall for 7.30. Walking past Golden Moments their Sunday buffet was in full swing and my favourite starter white chicken tikka was on. I had to drag myself away. I’m back on self administered austerity measures at the moment so had noodles at home instead. I think this was evident as I spent more at the Pie Shack in the ground than I did in the pub.

Cracking day. Cheers to Swainy for organising the coach and to Swill for sorting my ticket and travel. Bring on Gateshead (a) in the second round. Last time we played them it was a 3-0 away league defeat in 1960, as we won the 4th Division title and they they were voted out of The Football League. Bring it on.

Stop press. Ok, because I’m sad and have got absolutely no life, I’ve now been on the BBC I-Player to watch the game back, just to see if I was on tele for that throw in. Simple answer is sort of. The camera was our side of the ground so it was a side on shot of the throw in and you could just see the side of my head, and I had my black hood up as it was peeing down. (BBC weather app had said 8% chance of rain in Eastleigh at that point. However in the shot below as the 3rd goal went in, you can just see my white beanie hat in between the Papa Johns sign and the Pie Shack. Don’t think I can claim an appearance fee for that though.