*Written in 2018*

Grab a cuppa before proceeding. There could be a word count looming.

So with the adultness of a mortgage looming, I thought I’d have one last go at the visiting 365 pubs in 365 days challenge before the cheap rate for the first 2 years expired. With 771 pubs from the first 2 challenges now unavailable to be ticked off I threw a couple of sub challenges in to encourage myself to travel. First one was to visit every English county that I’d not been to on the previous two attempts (this was abandoned 9 months in with time and financial constraints kicking in.) I also decided to visit 10 former Football League towns. For some reason I upped this to 12 one day when I was bored.

There were cracking days out in London, Leeds and Stratford to start with followed by a very damp night in Albrighton. But then came a couple of trips which had me considering throwing the towel in. Walsall played a pre-season match at Chester and whilst the game was a win, a couple of offers of companionship for the day of drinking fell through and late on I was sat on my own in a dark beer garden where I had dashed to escape the run of UB40 songs wondering what I was doing with my life. (As I left the dj kicked the jukebox off by the plug switch. I’d considered doing it a couple of songs earlier but much higher). 3 Weeks later I’d had to text Blackpool Jane and Mase begging them to find me an earlier train to save me from a dreadful day out in Ledbury. I was ready to give in.

But I’m not a quitter. Especially when it comes to pubs. Around this time a friend (2026 edit he’s now a former friend) started telling people that I’d failed Pub Challenge 2. Ok I only passed it by 1 but it certainly wasn’t a fail but this helped spur me on.

On the Monday after Ledbury I was on the very dull bus journey home from work (it’s that tedious I recently read a whole article in the Metro about how often women should wash their bras) and an old Mr Logic strip out of Viz from about 20 years ago popped into my head. At the start of the strip Mr Logic is stopped by the police with one of them commenting “Oh, a yellow car. I need a yellow to complete my 147 break”. This got me thinking. Could I complete a 147 break ticking off pubs with the snooker colours in their names? I scurried home, silently cursing all the pubs with colours in their names that I’d ticked off previously and were now unavailable then got to work. I’d like to say that the snooker 147 arm lightly rejuvenated the main challenge, but this would be under egging it by about 50 omelettes. I went totally bat for lashes into it. It became an obsession. Had I been in the Question Time audience my first interrogative poser would have been “Amber Rudd, any pubs round here with colours in their name me darlin?” I spent hours upon hours on the Pubs Galore website researching. On my first inquiry I found out that Berwick had 2 Red Lions and a Brown Bear. A week later I was on a chuff chuff heading north for a bank holiday away.

Berwick is a super place and the locals are great. I’m a shy fella, and not good at meeting people so if a conversation is going to start in a pub it has to come from the other person. Fortunately these people were up for it. One fella who struck up a conversation asked “Where are you from?” With my proudest voice I replied “Walsall”. “Oh” he replied excitedly “My son is from Pontefract”. Oh right. Ok. (2026 edit. Walsall is 117 miles from Pontefract) Also in Berwick a chap I’d befriended wanted me to dance with him to Darude’s Sandstorm. Sadly my glass was empty and it was time to move on. Not everyone in town was happy to see me. A lass in The Kings Head was on the karaoke and made the mistake of singing my favourite Belinda Carlisle and Roxette songs. I joined in and gave it portions. I was right by her and she kept looking round and glaring.

My only regret from Berwick is that I’d done all the pubs that I wanted to and I was on 99 for the challenge. I then read of the most northern pub in England but opted not to go as I didn’t want to do pub 100 on my own. Pub 100 turned out to be a crap un in Cheslyn Hay but I was with great company in the form of Mase and Dave Roe. (2026 edit. Not visiting the most northern pub in England still haunts me.)

Some excellent folk were met on the tours. The landlord of The Cottage Of Contempt (a rock pub in Chasetown) eyed us suspiciously as we approached – 4 non rock looking people each with portions of chips. We told him of the challenge, he loved it and on the way out he shook our hands and said next time we were in Chasetown to let him know and he’d come round with us. In Nottingham my mate told two lovely ladies what we were doing, and they invited us to join them at thier table and they then joined us as tour guides for the rest of the day. That has never happened before (or since).

In Shenstone we met a pub landlord from Pelsall. We thought he might be happy with some fellow Walsall lads in but he couldn’t have given less of a shit. In Hinckley a chap we were talking to proudly boasted that it was only 2pm and he was on his 3rd pub of the day. We pointed out it was our 5th and he calmed down.

Other things that entertained was a lass in Chasetown giving the Who The F*** Is Alice song a very loud rendition on the karaoke, a chap in The Manor Tavern in Aston (great pub – just missed the top 10) who had his phone on charge behind the bar. When the barmaid handed it back he asked “have you put your number in it?” He got the flattest “No” ever. And I’ve had a flat no or two in my time.

Other oddities included me trampling on a dog in The Lamp Tavern in Dudley. He was on the floor right by the door, I was looking at the bar and my glasses steamed up. Deffo not my fault according to the VAR folk. In the 3 Tuns in Tamworth one room just had two old gents in and they were having a chat as a song from about 10 years ago played very loudly. The lyrics go “Lick my neck, lick my back…” I’ll stop there but it was a surreal moment.

I love a sign. Who doesn’t? And my faves were “No smoking. No drugs. No shagging” in the toilets in the Waggon & Horses in Tipton, and one in The Vine Inn in Brum advertising “Brummie Tappas” which was chips and curry sauce. I couldn’t have it though as they had no curry sauce. Fummin.

Last anecdote. In Mind The Gap, a railway themed Broadstairs micropub the decoration is only those orange railway tickets you get. Sensing they needed some Walsall representation I handed over one of my train tickets to join the hundreds already on the wall. As I finished my pint, something nagged at me so I checked my wallet. Yep, I’d only given them my return ticket back to DH. I had to sheepishly walked back to the bar and swap it over.

Right enough waffle. Time for the top 10 pubs of the challenge. As mentioned on the last blog, these pubs only get one pint to impress and it doesn’t take me long to shovel it down (as commented on by a chap in The Black Swan in Darlington).

10 – Bonds Bar – Tamworth. This wasn’t on the to do list but Jane spotted it as we went past and wanted to go in. It was cool, the music was superb and it was a good atmosphere. Pretty much the same as fellow POTC contender The Boars Head in Kidderminster. But Bonds Bar had a cat inside which earned it the 10th spot.

9 – The Cornubia – Bristol. Very patriotic pub. A picture of the Queen behind the bar. Mossiv dog. Tank full of terrapins. Loved it.

8 – Peaky Blinders – Birmingham. A pub I had no knowledge of but my mate Daz took me there. The bouncer warned us it might not be our cup of tea but we went in anyway. The pub was rammed, a lot of them were in pajamas and everyone to a man joined in with a karaoke Adele song. It was superb in there. Even a random used tissue on the shelf behind us didn’t earn it a points deduction. I even made a drunken friend.

7 – Worlds End – Camden Town. When you walk into a pub and Foo Fighters are playing you know it’s gonna be good. Such a cool place. One tip jar on the bar said “Tip and you get laid”. I chucked a quid in and asked if it was legally binding. I’m still waiting. You simply have to love a bar that does a cocktail called “Adios Mother Fucker”.

6 – The Southfield – Middlesbrough. Was after somewhere to watch boxing and someone suggested this place. It was on a university site and I expected it to be empty as it was Easter. No, it was rammed. Everyone was friendly – even women smiled at me in there. Had a right laugh with a group of locals and the celebrations at the end of the boxing were epic. And one barmaid was amazing.

5 – Bouncing Barrel – Herne Bay. Dambusters themed micro pub. Very welcoming and it’s set up so that the seats go around the room and everyone is facing each other. Guessing the landlord had strangers in that day as he got everyone to introduce themselves and say what they were doing in town. It was like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. But with alcohol.

4 – Fez – Margate. Really cool micropub. 1960’s record player. 2nd barbers chair of the challenge. Very welcoming landlord. Cracking ale. All good ticks.

3 Jinky’s – Oakham. This place wasn’t (and still isn’t) on any of the pub websites I use so I had no prior knowledge of it. There is no sign. I just spotted the bar at the back as I walked past. I crossed the road to have a better look, and met a bloke who was also trying to work out if it was a pub. We walked in and were greeted like long lost sons. The locals were all friendly (unlike the quiz machine) and I had a cracking time. Everyone shook my hand on the way out and wished me luck for the rest of the challenge.

2 Queen’s Head – Hinckley. Bit biased here. It’s a great pub per se but it was helped by being run by the best friend of one of my earliest Walsall FC heroes Willie Naughton. So much of the chat was about him and the team at the time. My mate also told two ladies that we were in town looking for big breasted single women which had them thrusting their norks out. Then they realised he said single and pulled them back in again. Superb time in here.

1 Four Candles – Broadstairs. It was love at first sight when I entered this micropub. I bought a t-shirt before I ordered a beer. The locals were friendly (one of them offered me a pork scratching which has never happened anywhere else), landlady was immense. Beer good. I really wanted to break strict pub challenge rules and stay for a second but I had a busy day ahead. I did treat the locals to a quick parade of me in my new t-shirt which went down a storm .

Barmaids of the challenge. In second place was the barmaid in Three Crowns in Dudley. Efficient, polite, cute and entertaining. In first place was the barmaid in The Red Bull in Stockport. Pretty, superb outfit and friendly. She didn’t bat an eyelid at me running in and past her to get to the loo or my mates jokes which were dying on their arses. Honourable mention to the barmaid in The Black Boy Hotel in Bewdley (Bewdley has 2 Black Boy pubs, this one was late in the day). We walked in and Mase headed straight to the loo. Barmaid commented “funny how many men have dashed to the loo since the blond lass walked in.” I scanned but couldn’t see said blonde.

So I finished the main challenge on 407 pubs – a pb. I finished the snooker challenge with a week to spare (you can read a separate blog about that challenge here) and I visited 12 former Football League towns/cities Barrow, Durham, Gateshead, Kidderminster, Northwich, Stalybridge, Stockport, Darlington, Glossop, Workington, Chester and Loughborough. (2026 edit, yes 2 of these are now back in The Football League and have beaten Walsall since doing so.) I took the challenge to 16 counties for the first time. I took in Northumberland, Cumbria, Kent and Cornwall so visited every corner of this great land. It’s been a fab 12 months and big thanks to anyone who has joined me in ticking some pubs off. Finally to all my drinking pals, I promise never again will I message you asking if we can go to a pub with a colour in the name. Apart from The Black Country Arms obviously.