Last Saturday didn’t really go to plan. I had wanted to go The Registry for breakfast as it was its last day opening before it closed for just under a fortnight for a change in management company. However I had exciting sausages from Asda (“exceptional” bacon & maple syrup pork sausages – not sure how bacon in sausages works but I needed to find out) in the fridge, and I got straight to work with them. I remembered my Registry plan only as these sausages were coming out of the air fryer. They were good but apologies to the chef at The Reg.

Walsall were away at Crewe that day. This is the gradest A of grade A away games, but this time I had to choose. I opted to use my Crewe budget for a theatre ticket to see Fawlty Towers in Birmingham later in the week, instead. I’ve changed.

Anyway, we won the match 3-0 which was pleasant so I was in a jubilant mood when Craig turned up. We wasted no time in heading to the pub. Black Country Arms to be precise. There was complimentary nibbles on the bar so I grabbed a sausage roll and a a slice of black pudding while Craig got drinks, then we headed upstairs. He’d got a pint of Pulp “Tequila Sunrise” and we both confirmed it was a great name for a brewery. His drink however was not really Tequila-ey or sunrise-ey. “Do you want to watch the Rugby?” Craig asked. “I’m not arsed. I would if we had a chance of winning the title.” My glory hunting isn’t just confined to football. Craig wasn’t too fussed either as he thought a heavy defeat was incoming.

I sat with my back to the screen but I glanced round while Craig was in the loo and I thought we had scored early on. By we I mean England, before people pipe up about my French granddad. Turns out it was France in a not much less white top than what we were wearing. On closer inspection it looked a very light blue top. I thought that France wore a dark blue kit at home. I know these 6 Nations matches come thick and fast but I thought they’d have time to get the normal home kit washed and dry between games.

We discussed the evenings plan of attack. The Registry were having a “drink the bar dry” party for the last night, so I fancied seeing how that was going, plus I wanted to tick off the new venture at WS1/Religion, now called WS1 Live Lounge. Katz was mentioned and he asked what was on at Walsall Arms and I said it was the monthly Northern Soul night which I wasn’t fussed about as I’m not a big fan.

Craig then starts naming great Northern Soul songs and I chipped in with suggestions including “Nowhere To Run” by Martha and The actual Vandellas. He confirmed this counted and I then had this in my head as I headed to the loo. Seeing the room empty I burst into a rendition only realising I wasn’t alone when I got to the hand basins to see in the mirror a bloke in the cubicle having the piss of his life who hadn’t shut the door. The roll a 6 to begin taps worked first time which cut the rendition short.

We got to the The Registry and it was deserted. I walked in tentatively and asked the bouncer somewhat timidly “are you open?” “We are, but we’ve got no draught beer left.” The drink the bar dry party had clearly been a success. Craig wasn’t feeling the lack of draught so we moved on.

The WS1 Live Lounge opens at midday with cheap beer prices and entertainment like singers, comedy nights and live sport screening – they have posted on their Facebook page targeting the pre Walsall match drinkers. There is an upper (rooftop??) area for dj’s and a games room. There were bouncers on and Craig, wearing shorts declared that we had 5% chance of getting in. However we were waved past by the bouncers and in we went.

The stairs brought back a memory. My first time here as WS1 (I’d had my 21st here when it was Bridge Street Social Club back in the 90’s) around 2006 as I got to the stairs, a lady at the top fell down them and landed at my feet. Anyway, we scurried up the stairs and in.

It’s a far cry from it’s nightclub days. Now with tables, tablecloths and those little lights that look like candles, it’s certainly now set out for stage entertainment rather than a floor full of dj inspired dancing. We had a singer on called Amy C and her singing was good with entertaining patter between songs. Craig was irked when she started to play “Don’t Stop Believing” and stopped it. This would have been her song of the night in his eyes.

The songs ranged from Lionel Richie, The Killers and a great rendition of Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For A Hero” which had the lyrics changed to “he’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast and he’s got to bring me a McDonald’s at Midnight.” Now the first two parts of that would rule me out but I’d have no issue with venturing to the the 24 hour McDonald’s by Tesco for a couple of turf and surf burgers, if they are still a thing of course. Not been in Maccies for a while as I’ve given up Toffee Latte for Lent. Please note that the large latte with almond or caramel syrup at The Light Cinema is not subject to this 40 day sanction.

At the end of this song she asked “are their any heroes in Walsall?” so I stuck my hand up and gave a “whoo.” Not quite a Ric Flair style one but not far away.

My round so I headed up the bar. £6.20 for a Carling Dark Fruit Cider and half a Diet Coke which I thought was reasonable. Walking back though, having flown up the stairs to get in the place, my knee had a little wobble as I got to the two steps up to where we were sitting. A nice lady came and grabbed the drinks which i was grateful for. I think Craig was taken aback though when an attractive lady suddenly appeared baring his cider.

We left during the interval as we’d started late and still had places to get to, plus Craig had gone from not wanting to watch the rugby to going “we are missing the greatest 6 Nations match in History.” The two tv screens in there were showing golf, so we dashed off. Good place though, I’m going to use it more, I fancy the comedy nights and they did post that from the next day they would be doing curry, which I am all over. Need to review that.

As we left they played “Show Me Love” by Robin S promting me to comment of it being the second best 90’s song called “Show Me Love” by someone of that name with the Robyn version being the best. Craig said I’d got it the wrong way round and by some distance so we had another one of our famous musical discussions. We argue about music regularly and I always win so it was nice to get another victory under my belt.

We headed to Katz for a bit of glam party band action but ventured to the front room. There were two pizzas on the bar which smelt amazing and I wondered if they were up for grabs, as a bit of push back to the Walsall Arms giving away pizza on a Friday night. No, they had been brought in by customers but it did cause a rethink about our food for the night and we opted to give the curry a miss and head to Wishbone instead. Anyway, we made the last five minutes of the rugby with England going in front at the death then the ref gave France a penalty and I didn’t know why and they nicked it.

We were in a fruity mood and Craig had the twisted lime cider which I assured him was amazing while I had a can of Tango Mango. If only Tango had thought of that flavour in the 90’s. Imagine the adverts. You know when you’ve been Tango Mangoed. Britvic, if you’re reading you can have that one.

We opted to cut the night short and just grab food and go back to mine. As we got to Lucky Star (formerly Eat Well) I stopped in my tracks. I’d been craving sweet and sour crispy king prawn balls since the day before and had announced this to my work colleagues. I announce a lot of things to them, mostly stuff they don’t need to know and I had pondered to them if I could leave work, get to Lucky Star, go home and perform an ac of demolition on them and still make the 7pm showing of Friday 13th at The Light Cinema. In the end I hadn’t risked it but I enjoyed the film (spoiler alert, Mrs Voorhees is a bit odd.). So I said to Craig, “if you want Wishbone, carry on. I’m going in here and I’ll meet you outside Ablewell” (taxi olace). This threw Craig a serious curveball and we had a committee meeting before we both headed in.

I was breaking my fast that had been in place and held firm since the black pudding and saud sage roll in The BCA so went for it. Crispy chicken wings and the aforementioned crispy balls. Craig also went for two dishes. Because I’m a nob and I like amusing myself I sang “you can be my lucky star” but the lady serving blanked it and just looked angry.

I told Craig my theory about how many places in Walsall had been named after Madonna songs like Lucky Star, Vogue and Retro and how Club X could have been changed to Beautiful Stranger. This led to a discussion about how many Madonna songs could be used as names for strip clubs. Quite a few to be fair.

Although we’d paid separately Craig wondered if between us we had spent enough to get free prawn crackers, and as the lady handed the food over she said “I’ve given you something extra” which intrigued us. Walking to Ablewell Craig asked “do you think you’ll get a blog out of tonight Chief?” “I might get a couple of paragraphs.” I concluded.

Back at mine, we couldn’t see anything extra and there was no free prawn crackers. I thought Craig would be miffed but not really mention it. Bit wide of the mark. We got a good tirade between mouthfuls, he critiqued the food as well and by the end I think they’d had more points deducted than Sheffield Wednesday. If you listen to LBC, you’ll know that at the start of each hour the presenter does a 10 – 15 minute intro into a subject to get people to call in. It was like one of these. I nearly opened the phone lines. I was beginning to deduce that Craig wouldn’t be going there again and he duly confirmed this. Maybe I should have sang “Live To Tell” – Madonna’s best song at the counter instead. At this juncture having read that, I can see Craig jumping into his car to come and discuss Madonna’s best song. No doubt he’ll say it’s something crap like “Die Another Day” to wind me up. For balance, I must say that my chicken wings and crispy balls were great and I will be going again.

As I type this, a week later I’ve just been in touch with Craig and he is still #fummin. I think Prawncrackergate will be referenced for years to come.