Author Archives: evoboozyscribbler

I was a bit more flush in January than I am nowadays so I thought I’d rejoin The Light Cinema’s subscription service where you pay £15.99 a month but can watch all films free and get discounts on food and drink. I’d been a member previously but gave it up in 2018 when my then housemate moved out. And despite still needing a new house buddy I thought I could afford the fee no probs, though times were to change. It was quite straightforward to rejoin online, the longest part being choosing which picture of myself to use.

Swill is already a member and delighted to hear I’d rejoined. We quickly planned a film to go to see. First up was M3GAN. This was Swill’s choice. I had a vague idea that it was about a doll that went a bit loopy so thought it might be a bit Child’s Play-esque. When I arrived Swill was already there and deep in conversation with the lad behind the counter. Swill in a nutshell. He can talk to anyone about anything. I can only speak to people I know well and if the conversation is about me, pubs or Walsall FC.

I was excited heading up the escalator. After many visits, I was finally getting to tick off screen number 1. Remember the ABC/Cannon where screen 1 was the biggest by some distance and had the best curtains? I’d have loved those curtains when the place was flattened, although I’d have settled for the crinkly effect ones out of screen two. Anyway screen 1 at The Light isn’t quite as exciting. No curtains and I’m not sure if it’s bigger than the others.

The film was great. Swill chose well. Lots of people and a dog killed by the doll. Thoroughly enjoyed this one.

You wait years to tick off screen 1 and then get it twice in a row as I went to see Cocaine Bear next. Again I didn’t know much and whilst some people didn’t enjoy it, I really did. Another high body count and the ambulance scene was brilliant. I recommenced this if you like films that don’t challenge or make you think.

My plan was to go twice a month to make the subscription worth it but me being me it wasn’t happening. By the end of February I’d been just twice and it was around May when I next visited. It took the lovely Jennifer Lawrence to stir me back into action. I’d not seen her in a film since Passengers in 2016 so jumped at the chance to see her in No Hard Feelings, a film in which she is hired by a wealthy couple to date their shy son. Decent film this with some good scenes, the naked beach fight one being the highlight.

Fast forward to August and my next jaunt. By now I had got it into my thick skull after 4 months of working at the Manor Hospital that The Light is just around the corner and finally the after work movie scene was launched.

I went to watch Haunted Mansion. This was purely to test RunPee, an app that I’d recently downloaded that advises the best time to go for a piss during a film. I knew that 1 hour and two minutes in, a character called Gabbie would put some eggs on a table and say “just pick the shells out” and that I’d got 3 minutes 20 to go and relieve myself.

The film was a 12A, the new kid on the block of British Board Of Film Classification ratings. I’d not seen a 12A before or even it’s predecessor the 12. I knew that a 12 meant nobody under that age could watch but didn’t know what a 12A was. It was a a ghostly film but not quite on a par with the levels of Halloween hence its lower rating. Decent enough film and I timed the piss dash to perfection. I got home and did research. A 12A means kids under 12 can watch if accompanied by an adult. Hope you didn’t know that because I like to think that after almost 2 years this blog has finally been educational.

Next up was Cobweb, a film with no hype, all I knew was it was a horror but the big draw was Lizzy Caplan who I took a shine to during her portrayal of Amy Burley in series 1 of True Blood. Decent film with some good deaths but very odd. Odd film of the year by some distance.

Halloween saw me yet again trying to avoid trick or treaters so instead of sitting in the pub instead I went to watch Five Nights At Freddy’s. The auditorium was busy, probably the busiest I have seen it. Maybe it was a well hyped film, it was half term also but I suspect everyone like me was hiding from trick or treat.

The lovely thing at The Light is just before the film starts, a member of staff comes into the auditorium and greets you, gives some rules and wishes you an enjoyable film. I don’t know if it was the lass a few seats along’s first visit but when the staff member gave his loud cheerful “hello” she jumped out of her skin and gave a loud “fucking hell”. The lad got cheered and a round of applause when he finished his speech.

The film is based on a video game which may have swayed me not to bother had I known. More good deaths but probably the worst film of the year for me. There was a distressing scene where a pinball machine was smashed up.

As is standard for me when I get home I go on Wikipedia to read up on the stars and I was eager on this occasion as I didn’t know the main two. Oh, I do. The main guy was played by Josh Hutcherson who was Peeta Mellark in the 2 Hunger Games films that I’ve seen. To be fair it’s been a decade since I watched those and he has grown up a bit.

I was talking films with my colleague Tom one day and commenting on how you don’t seem to get 18 films anymore. I wondered if 15’s were allowed to be more graphic these days or if potential 18’s were toned down to try and get a bigger audience. Low and behold, a week later an 18 popped up on the listings.

The Royal Hotel is an Australian film featuring two American backpackers who get jobs working in a rough pub. When the 18 certificate came on the screen it advised of strong language, and the landlord of the pub used the C Bomb in one of his first sentences.

Enjoyable film this but yeah the adult rating was purely for the language. I’ve seen better fights in The Fullbrook.

Next up was to be a Sunday evening visit to watch Bottoms about two gay lads who set up their own fight club, but I got to the petrol station on Springfield Road, bought a grab bag pack of Prawn Cocktail crisps to eat on the way, then decided to go home and demolish them there instead so I missed that one.

Dream Scenario is probably the best film I’ve seen this year. I mentioned on the day to Tom that I’d never seen a Nicholas Cage film before so I was well up for this one. A phenomenon starts where people start seeing Cage’s character in their dreams. It all starts well but then when something goes wrong in real life he starts getting violent in the dreams and people take it out on him in real life. Great film and I recommend it.

The Jester was another horror film, and this was villain of the year. I loved the creepy sinister but smartness of the title character. More deaths, some comedic but I didn’t understand the end and there was no Wikipedia page for me to read up on afterwards.

So you know that lack of 18 films yeah? Well the following week I was off to watch another. Thanksgiving starts with disorder at a Black Friday sale and as an Englishman who doesn’t really get Thanksgiving and Black Friday I just took this as a low budget, let’s kill people flick. The sole reviewer on RunPee gave it a grade of D+ so I wasn’t expecting much. Wrong, the disorder in the store scene was immense, the killings good and I didn’t guess the killer, having opted for the easy option of the most likely candidate. Great film.

With that run of films I’d been to the cinema 3 times in 5 days and was starting to think the staff might suspect me of stalking them so I gave the place a break for what turned out to be over a month. There was a one off showing of Die Hard, my favourite Christmas film on December 15th. However that is too early in the month for me to be getting festive so I gave it a miss. I know a minority of people say it’s not a Christmas film and while I respect their opinion we cannot let them win. If they do, next they will be saying Halloween isn’t a Halloween movie and heaven knows what after that.

My final visit of the year came on the 28th and another straight from work trip. It was tied between Wonka and Anyone But You. Wonka appealed due to stars of Peep Show being involved but I thought it would look odd with an old man going to watch a kids film, so I opted for the latter. I’ve never watched a romcom before but this sounded good.

I got there early as I was having a rare treat of food and drink in the form of hot chocolate and garlic bread. Both were good but I ate downstairs as I reckoned the good people of screen 5 didn’t want the place stinking out of garlic. I also figured that with garlic breath there would be no kissing in the back row of the movies on a Thursday night should I have encountered a nice single lady. Oh well, The Drifters won’t be coming to me for song idea inspiration.

Anyone But You is based apparently on Much Ado About Nothing, it started well with me relating to the bursting for the toilet and subsequent wash basin mishap in the first scene. It was a good story line with a nod towards Meet The Parents once or twice. I thoroughly enjoyed the film and even shed a little tear at the end. God I’m getting soppy in my old age. It was also nice to see a film without lots of deaths for a change. At the end credits there was a recreation of There’s Something About Mary where the cast are performing Build Me Up Buttercup in previous scenes. The cast of this film do it to Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield and I’d have loved to have been one of the extras giving it portions in the aeroplane.

So that’s it then. I’ve now paid for membership for 12 months so I think I can cancel, which I may do as I still didn’t get enough use out of it but I’ll ponder. Swill messaged on Friday night saying he is going to do the cinema more in 2024 so that may swing it.

Thanks for reading my blog this year. Wishing you all an amazing 2024.

December marks the month of Whamageddon where participants try to avoid hearing the original version of Last Christmas until midnight on Christmas Eve. I’ve gone out on day 1 the last two years so was hoping for better this time.

I got to work at 7.30 on the 1st and checked my phone. Hmmm, a message. What could be so important that someone has messaged this early? It was my great mate Matt Mason. He was already out and fuming. But yes, it was important.

We have Heart 80’s on at work but I explained the situation and it was agreed that it would be swapped to Heart 90’s for the duration. Good start.

Day 2 was the postponed Alfreton match drinking session, but I survived that and on the Sunday Josh had invited me round for dinner. He drove me back afterwards and put the radio on. On came that Mariah song. “Have you got a Christmas station on?” I asked somewhat urgently as the song was finishing. He confirmed that he had so I explained the situation. What came on? Only bloomin “Underneath The Tree” by Kelly Clarkson. He was reaching to change the station. I hadn’t heard this song yet this year at the time. “No no no, leave this on” I yelled. Now Josh and I are very close and he’s seen me in all kinds of emotional states like Walsall FC induced joy/despair, drunkeness. skintness, pre best man speech nerves etc but panicking at Christmas songs is surely a new one. Anyway I got through the first weekend.

I don’t get to listen to Absolute Radio after 8am usually but I was off on the 4th and 5th and they do a feature where they report on people being Whammed. My favourites this time were the stadium announcer Whamming the whle crowd at Northampton v Portsmouth and a bloke who said he got Whammed at his son’s primary school Christmas Fete. His wife had laughed at him when it happened and he swore at her in front of his son’s teacher. I love this kind of stuff.

I had to go to New Cross Hospital on the 4th and they had Greatest Hits Radio on in the waiting room. I was nervous about this, even more so than the procedure. Every time a song ended I’d glance nervously at the screen. Fortunately they announced that a Golden Hour type feature was coming on and from the initial clues I knew that it was 1977 so I could relax for a bit.

On the Saturday I had to go to ASDA and on the way out I had a cheeky toilet which is standard procedure. Do They Know It’s Christmas was happily playing as I went about my business but as it finished I had this feeling that I was about to get Whammed. The hand dryer drowned out the last bit of DTKIC?and I pondered staying there for the next 5 minutes. Somebody walked in though and I panicked and tan off. I can’t remember what was playing but it wasn’t even a Christmas song.

Cover versions are allowed to be heard during this period and one day Radio X played the Jimmy Eat World version which whilst magnificent, I had forgotten about it. It was a nice guilt free treat to hear that and I’ve played it numerous times since.

I thought the 14th would be the day it was all over. Craig and myself were going to a Christmas quiz at The Fountain. It was very busy, another magnificent ham cob was demolished but there was a festive music round and he was playing seasonal numbers in between question. I felt like a sitting duck. Well not, quite. Despite being defending champions from the previous quiz we had to stand at the bar for the first two rounds. The high table by the shelf full of bric-a-brac became available. I sat closest to the shelf and started to ponder whether it would be some bric or a piece of brac that I would launch when the inevitable happened. Except it didn’t. No sign of that song at all, and we retained our title with an increased majority. I say we. Craig won is more realistic. I didn’t even get the answer right that I knew about the kinds of settings that the 3 wise men traverse while following yonder star.

The following day word reached me from my colleague Tom that everyone on Ward 1 had just been Whammed by Smooth Radio.

I was in Birmingham on the Saturday. As I walked to the Post Office Vaults 3 lovely ladies were singing it as we passed. Again covers are allowed and they sang it well but I didn’t stop and applaud as I needed a pint.

On the 18tn there was an early morning scare. Ian Payne on LBC was doing a countdown of the greatest Christmas films and playing clips. At 4.45 just as it was finishing somebody text in mentioning Last Christmas. I didn’t even know there was a film about it. As I panicked and reached for the off switch Ian mentioned Whamaggedon and referenced the Northampton incident. Phew, the closest call yet.

It ended on day 20. My supervisor came out to help clear the workload and she had Heart Christmas on. I knew it was coming but I had a final hour and 18 minutes still in the game before it happened. They were determined to be fair as I got a second dollop of being Whammed before dinner although they made up for it with double helpings of classics “Warm This Winter” by Gabriella Cilmi and “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis.

Day 21 and I woke up to a notification my phone from You Tube “for you. Wham – Last Christmas.” Alright guys, you’re a bit late trying to tempt me now.

On the way to work on day 22 I got to hear on Absolute Radio about ITV Whamming all their viewers with a clip of the song on the early evening news. I tried the Taste Cafe in the foyer of the hospital for the first time and heard a clip of the song whilst eating. It would have been galling to go out on just a snippet, especially as I was already a bit grumpy as they had no eggs to go on my breakfast roll. We had Heart 80’s on at work that day and I didn’t hear Last Christmas once. Typical.

I heard it once more on day 23 at 3.50 am in The Registry. Had this been the time of my demise it would have been my own fault, I’m 49 now and really shouldn’t still be out drinking at that time in the morning.

So it’s the final day. If you’re still in, well done. You’ve only got to make it to midnight. I’m disappointed at going out at work three years on the trot but I had my best run in years. I might book all of December off next year to avoid it happening again.

Happy Christmas to you all. The Christmas Eve boozing starts in a few hours but before that I’m going to blast Kelly Clarkson “Underneath The Tree” a couple of times and cook myself breakfast. Wuth an egg this time.

P.s whilst I’m on thanks so much for all of the lovely comments after Tuesday’s blog. It wasn’t meant to be a fishing for compliments article but I loved them all and gobbled them up like you would with unexpected pigs in blankets on your Christmas dinner.

So I’ve finally reached edition 100 of this blog. Big thanks to all my readers, it’s very much appreciated. This one is just about me, and how I got here really.

I hated school. Well I say that, I enjoyed the dinners and as the only person at St Mary’s who liked Semolina, I used to get extra helpings of that.

I did like English though, but not enough to properly learn from it which is why I still don’t know what a Verb is, and have poor knowledge of grammar and the correct use of punctuation marks?

It was in English where I first started to write stories, and I loved this as did my teacher. Her comments in the end of year report would be the only good point in a sea of negativity. My favourite comment of hers was “I always enjoy reading his stories”. This was nice as it gave a bit of balance to the other remarks which were like “he has shown little interest in this subject and made no progress”, “kid’s a fucking idiot” “I’m surprised he can spell his own name” “I put more crosses on his work than on my Spot The Ball Coupon” and “I predict F’s in his GCSE’s only because Z’s aren’t a thing”. Okay, I made 4 of those up.

I started writing short stories outside of school off my own back and Swill would also join me in those days. The stories in this era would all end with the characters getting killed in the final scene.

Aged about 16 I wrote my first big story, this one about a football team called Caldmore Casuals. I opened my non league annual on a random page, picked Clevedon Town off it and replaced them in their league with The Casuals. To this day I’d still like to visit Clevedon to see what pubs the Casuals fans would have got to visit had I picked another team to displace.

I don’t remember much about this story other than that the Chairman was desperate for the supporters to love him and the Manager got wind of this so whenever he requested something he’d say “it’s what the fans want”. I still use this phrase regularly to this day. The other memory from this was one weekend The Mighty Saddlers weren’t playing so the Walsall Advertiser were covering the Casuals game and putting a report on the back page which the Chairman was very excited about. Unfortunately a 3-0 home defeat at The Old Cemetery Ground was incoming and the headline on the back page was Shit! Shit! Shit!.

In 1991 I wrote a story which I recall nothing about only that as I was having problems with Midland Bank at the time there was much slagging off of them in it, I was also deeply unhappy in life at the time and I found much needed escapism in this work.

The pen went quiet for a few years after that but then I became mates with the editor of the Walsall fanzine Blazing Saddlers, Pete Holland and he published a letter I’d written. I was really excited and chuffed at this. Unfortunately my mate saw it, called me “sad” and I never wrote for it again.

My next story was in 1996, set on Hawes Close where I was living at the time with Paul and Cara. A footballer got released, signed for Walsall and moved into the vacant flat next door to us. I loved this story and Cara in particular enjoyed reading about herself in it. All fictitious characters got killed in the final scene.

Again I went quiet for a while, writing a couple of things for then Walsall fanzines around the 2001 mark, under the name Scott Thompson whist also contributing to other articles via discussions with Steve Stuart.

More years passed until 2009 when myself and 4 friends went to London to do the Monopoly Pub Crawl. It was so good I wrote a Facebook note article about it which I have subsequently shared on here.

Next up was my first foreign holiday. Thailand. So much happened there that I had to have an article. I went up to the Sales Office at work a couple of days later and everyone was laughing their heads off. I asked what was going on. Turned out Don had shared the article out and they were all loving it. Please note the Sales Office was always quiet in August due to schools being shut, they weren’t skiving on the job.

The no nonsense Yorkshire lass actually came down to see me. She only ever came downstairs to use the loo or go home so it was a surprise to see her by my desk. She said “I’ve just come to shake your hand. That Thailand article was the best thing I’ve read in ages.”

Off the back of that a couple of people urged me to join a creative writing course. I did research, found one and decided to join. Unfortunately the day before class started my then flatmate announced he was moving out. So I decided not too go. I did some sums at work the next day, and decided that if I cut things back a bit I could still join up and so I did. And I’m so glad I did.

The teacher Cath was great and I met other good writers too including Nick who remains a great friend to this day. At the time Nick was doing a weekly blog called The Sunday Roast which was always a good read. I was inspired and soon my weekly Facebook blog Evo Elaborates was born. This proved very popular but then one week it only got 4 likes, I took the umph a bit and decided to have a couple of weeks off and it never returned.

At this time I wrote my first novella about a somewhat troubled lass. Split into 3 parts A Year In The Life Of Helen Bailey, Helen Bailey And The Dissident Philanthropist and Helen Bailey Chasing Storm Clouds. The title character’s name came off a returns form at work, and as soon as I saw it I wanted to use it in a project. I learnt a lot from writing this and the feedback I got at the time.

Through Nick I got to meet Amy, Dawn and Neil from Walsall Writers Circle. All great very different writers. I joined that group but the 6 of us would meet up regularly outside of that forum along with another lad Rich. I entered the end of year short story competition at the Writers Circle twice and was runner up both times.

Then came the big project. My two novels. About Warren Street and his best friend Blake Hall. I’m a bit of a London Underground geek so it was only right that both main characters were named after stations. Warren was a lad who was absolutely rubbish with the ladies. Write about what you know eh? Lots of work went into these two novels and I’ve been told they are good but I’ve never sent them off anywhere and they are still stranded on a broken pc in the loft.

I did continue to occasionally write Facebook articles about trips and pub challenges until that platform discontinued the notes feature. Around this time I resigned from the Walsall CAMRA Committee (before returning a year later) but offered to stay involved and start writing articles for the magazine. We won West Midlands Region Magazine Of The Year while I was writing for it which I’m still very proud of.

Just before the closure of the Walsall Advertiser print edition I was once allowed to write The Supporters Trust column which I was very proud of, even if the article did get edited a bit so it didn’t make quite as much sense, but then again when does my work?

A big turning point came when Blackpool Jane asked me to write an away day article for her excellent blog site. Needess to say I was like a dog with two dicks writing this, I loved it. Jane enjoyed the article too and it went down well when published. I expressed my frustration that the feature on Facebook that I used for my writing was no more, so she and the wonderful Vincent Fox on Facebook urged me to get my own WordPress site, and 99 editions later, I still don’t really know how to use the site other than to write and post pictures (and of late You Tube links) but here we are today. It’s been great, especialy doing the research.

Away from the blog I’m currently writing a very silly show called Greg Doesn’t Date. It’s about a lad called Greg who is rubbish with the ladies. Still write about what you know eh? I shall be playing Greg and thankfully he isn’t as cynical, world weary and best friend hen pecked like his predecessor Warren Street. It will be 6 episodes long and hopefully be filmed and on You Tube next year.

The State Of The Blog Address.

Whilst it’s been great fun, I’ve struggled for ideas of late, it’s been a tough year for money and I appreciate that I went a whole month without a post recently. Viewing figures are down this year too so I’ve been thinking of knocking it on the head. My renewal is in January and I said to Craig “If I can get to 100 before Christmas, that’ll do. I’ll remove my helmet, raise my bat and declare.”

However, I think next year should be better for money, I am starting to get ideas of how to push this in other directions so I’m renewing. I’m 50 next year and planning to milk that for all it’s worth so if that doesn’t generate material nothing will. So keep setting your alarm clocks for 9.30am on Sundays, as more of this is coming.

Before I shoot a big big thank you to everyone who reads this, likes it on the social media platforms, comments on it, shares or re-tweets it. It’s very much appreciated.

Right, It’s now time for The State Of The Blog Undress, but that’s for Premium subscibers only.

 

 

Last Saturday I was heading to Birmingham, to hopefully get one blogs worth of material and visit the two pubs I needed to finish another. However when I got up it was raining so out came the postponed signs again.

Then Josh messaged asking if I wanted to go to his to watch Walsall playing at Notts County. Hell yeah to that. Josh and his wife Lyndsey have been welcoming me round lots of late for Sunday dinner. I wasn’t aware that dinner was to be provided this time as well, and what a blinder Josh played. Fish, chips, beans, and a slice of meaty pizza with the peppers removed (he knows me well) and bread too. “Are you happy with your sandwich?” he asked. Oh right, it’s not just plain bread then. Turned out it was a fish fingers and baked beans sandwich as I’d mentioned my fondness for them that morning in a message. Absolute stunning meal as was the Walsall win. I really must give Josh’s food a good review on Tripadvisor.

Afterwards Josh dropped me in town and with the Birmingham budget still in my pocket I decided to have a wander around. I passed what was Taylor’s Music Shop/Beneficial Bank/WM Travel shop whichever you remember it as. I think planning permission has been granted to turn it into a restaurant and work is certainly going on inside but it was now also being used to advertise a “Winter Funland” with 19 posters for said attraction being plastered across the windows. This is a particular bugbear of mine. Why not just one poster? I can only assume they are on commission for each poster planted, then again when you are boasting of the world’s largest bouncy castle I guess you have to make sure the message gets out there. I hate Winter and I don’t want to go to a land, fun or otherwise devoted to it.

I went to St Matts Hall first, as it’s always good to start with a cheap Wetherspoons pint. A nice bit of Walsall FC chat ensued at the bar and I opted for White Christmas, a beer I’ve never had before.

A group a couple of tables along burst into a rendition of The Beatles classic “8 Days A week”. Whilst it was good I really hoped they didn’t follow it up with the new song “New And Then”. They didn’t and everyone let out a sigh f relief. Before departure I popped to the loo. Coming back I got to the top of the stairs just as a lad got to the bottom. I gave him right of way as his need was greater than mine, and he ran up the stairs. Actually ran up those stairs in Wetherspoons, even doing 2 or 3 jumps over some of them. Very impressive. I almost applauded him when he got to the top but I was far too excited.

Black Country Arms was next and another untried beer, this time a Salopian called “Push”. Decent name and I approved as I’m far better at pushing than pulling. I went upstairs. A group of people arrived on the next table and they included a nice lady who recognised me, said she’d read my blog from the week before and had shown it to the owner of Silhill Brewery who was really chuffed at their mention.

Also on her table was a lad who struck up a conversation, starting with Walsall FC, always a good place to start. We ended having a really good chat about all sorts of things. What’s this? I hear you ask. Me talking to people i don’t know in pubs. Whatever next? I enjoyed the conversation so much I stayed for a second pint. I supped up and bid them both farewell, I even wished them Happy Christmas which is something I usually refuse to do before I’ve broken up from work

The music is always good in the Black Country Arms but as I was leaving on came a curve ball. Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up. What a tune. When do you ever hear that? I wondered if their follow up single All 4 Love, which I think is better was also coming on. I didn’t have a set schedule for the evening but I was already behind it so I left.

The walk to Karz was in a record quick time though I will admit it was wind assisted and not coming out my arse like normal. It was blowing a gale behind me as I headed down Goodall Street, and as I turned into Bridge Street there was an outbreak of fireworks somewhere nearby. Okay guys, Walsall won today. Let’s not go overboard with the celebrations.

Katz was rammed and with a rock band on, who were going down a storm. Standing room only in both bars so after a quick pint I headed to The Watering Trough. It’s had a bit of a face lift of late and looks good so stopped for a photo. The bouncer asked why I was taking a picture so we stopped for a chat. He was a decent lad and told me about events. I then wished him a speedy shift and headed inside.

The Trough isn’t a rock pub anymore and Bob Marley was playing as I walked in which was fine withh me. I was a bit jealous of the couple sat at the bar with a take away, even having one of those big fuck off plastic tubs of salt like you get in supermarkets. i headed outside for a mooch. The big punch machine has gone which was ok. I’m a lover not a fighter. Yeah I wish.

After a quick pint I headed off, having another chat and a handshake with the bounce. Last up was The Walsall Arms and another untried beer this time another Salopian called “Low Hanging Fruit”. I don’t do fruit, be it low hanging or giraffe approved but I was intrigued and it was decent. There was a live singer on and as I got served he launched into the amazing Red Light Spells Danger. I’ve never heard this performed by anyone other than Billy Ocean and he did a great rendition. Unfortunately I find that when you get some yin, then a good dollop of yang isn’t far away and this was to come with 3 UB40 songs. By the third I had to escape outside. I’m still in Whamaggedon so am trying to not hear Last Christmas during December. Avoiding UB40 however is a lifelong struggle.

I needed a song to pop into my head to try and block out what was emanating from inside and what was it? It was the song from an advert off those Jasper Carrot compilation shows. “I think I’m wearing no knickers.” It was still in my head at work on Monday and probably not for the best as when a nurse appeared from nowhere and I was standing by my bench singing “I think i’m wearing no knickers”.

From inside I could hear the singer had moved onto Eddie Grant’s “I Don’t Wanna Dance”. Great song. Nobody was dancing as I walked in which I thought was a nice touch of respect from the drinkers.

I finished my beer and headed home. I don’t do pubs anywhere near as much as I used to and I’ve not done a solo Walsall crawl in ages so it was a good fun night, and I didn’t have to go to Winter Funland for it.

Cheers for reading as per usual. I’m off for a cuppa and I ought to get dressed as I think I’m wearing no boxers.

5 More Walsall food reviews for your delectation.

Silver Court Cafe, 16 Silver Court, Brownhills.

I don’t catch the bus much nowadays. Since they axed the £3 Walsall day saver I don’t venture far from town. However every so often I have to go on a mission and on Black Friday I had to be in Cannock on the night so I bought one of those all day bus and train jobbies and went straight for the no 10 to Brownhills.

I’ve got to be honest I’d never heard of this place or noticed it on previous visits but I saw a review of it on the Brownhills Bob Facebook page and that was it.

The cafe is in a row of shops set back from the road so easily missed by passing bus passengers like me. It’s very clean and tidy. Just 4 tables are inside with another outside. It’s painted in purple and white, my 3rd and 1st favourite colours respectively so that worked.

I went for the regular breakfast at £7 but asked for the tomato and mushroom to be left off. No tea included so it came to £9 with a cuppa. No Black Friday offers but I don’t go for that anyway so that was fine.

Food came quickly and it was really good. Quality ingredients and the bacon was cooked how I like it, rather than just being briefly introduced to the heat like other places. As is the norm, I had a mouthful (sausage this time) when the question came in if everything was ok. I gave good nods and a thumbs up to convey my response.

There was no background music which I was fine with. I’d had a Green Day fix courtesy of Absolute Radio prior to entering.

Nice visit this. Friendly, welcoming with tasty well presented food and drinks. I wish them well.

Afghan Grill, 14 Bradford Street, Walsall.

It was at the time of visiting the coldest day of the year, I’d left work in a bad mood and decided I couldn’t be arsed to cook.

This place has had various names since becoming a fast food venue and I’ve ticked them all off apart from in it’s current guise. I’m willing to be wrong but I also believe this unit was called Sight And Sound back in the 80’s where I would visit every Saturday to hire a Atari 2600 game.

Afghan Grill is located in Bradford Place and if bus stops are how you get your bearings you’re in luck as it is behind the now obsolete disused former no 36 stop. There are meal offers in the window which I stopped to peruse. Underneath these it advised that salad could be added for £1. Good luck with that guys.

Despite the name it’s a standard takeaway doing the usual fare although had I been wearing my professional food reviewer hat I would have tried the Afghani Kebab but instead went for the 2 pieces of chicken and wings deal.

Service was friendly and the meal should have been £5.80 but when he asked what drink I wanted I said I’d leave that so he knocked 80p off which was very decent of him.

Food arrived quickly and came on a tray rather than a box which was nice. It was good food and I enjoyed it. There was a steady stream of customers which was good for the owner but not so for me as I’d chosen the table right by the door and got an icy blast each time it was opened.

Good visit this and as it’s on the way home I’ll no doubt pop in again.

Daz Chicken, 62 Bridge Street, Walsall.

Situated at the top end of Bridge Street, newly opened in one of those long time empty units under what was the tax office back in the day.

I’d been drinking all day so was ravenous and ready for anything so was happy to give this a try. I went for the 2 pieces of chicken meal, the fries were freshly cooked and the friendly man applied the bbq sauce for me. I think it was about a fiver but I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t care about the cost at that stage of the day. To quote Jessie J “forget about the price tag”.

The chicken pieces were a very decent size, and fries good. No music which I was fine with. I didn’t want the can of pop and it’s still in my porch a week later. Another good visit. I can see a few more post pub visits to this place.

Broadway Chippy, 8 Hawes Close, Walsall.

I had the day off, was feeling peckish and opted to see if I could have a rare dally with those two words that I don’t often get to savour “lunchtime special”.

Broadway Chippy is longstanding, opening in the mid 90’s and as I lived above the chemists in the same row of shops at the time, I was something of a regular in those days. Visits nowadays are very rare as I don’t pass it so i was looking forward to going back.

I didn’t really get time to study the menu but they do “all day specials” rather than limiting them to lunchtime. I opted for the mini fish, chips and sauce special which was £6.30. She didn’t ask what sauce I wanted, wrapped the fish and chips up and asked for £4. Bargain, I thought. No sauce but save £2.30? Deal Mr Banker.

I put 4 £1 coins in her palm and she then stared at them with a confused look. I doubted myself. Can I not count anymore? Had I given her a dodgy coin? She looked up “oh sorry, it’s £6.30. I handed her the rest and she passed the food. “Do I still get the sauce?” I asked very sheepishly. I mean really. I’m rubbish in these situations and the final part of the question must have sounded like a terrified schoolboy. Vibes of Oliver Twist “Please Miss, can I have some sauce?” and all that.

“I can put it on the top for you”. “Yes please” I replied. “What would you like?” “Could I have curry sauce please?” in my almost back to normal voice. I got to by the Fullbrook and opened up once there was a bin handy to put the excess paper in. I’d got mushy peas, which I’m not a massive fan of. She must have been having a bad day. It could have been worse, if mushy sprouts were a thing… well it doesn’t bear thinking about. We all make mistakes at work so I let it ride.

Fish was nice, I left some of the chips with the peas on and headed home to work on my scared schoolboy voice.

That’s it for this edition, I was hoping to tick off another place on Friday but it still isn’t open so that’ll be for next time.

I need to start this blog with a follow up to last weeks edition. Mainly the frozen bread/Wetherspoons breakfast incident. It occurred to me on Friday evening that bread can be defrosted in the microwave. I did this once or twice back in the 90’s but it completely slipped my mind last week. Tried it and it worked a treat. Still glad I did Wetherspoons last week though as it was a good visit.

Anyway yesterday I woke up very excited. My beloved Walsall FC were going to be playing in The F.A Cup with the match being broadcast live on BBC1. The national broadcaster’s main channel. Apparently we were live on this back in the 80’s before my time as a Saddler but this was to be a first for me.

I was meeting the lads in Katz but needed breakfast first. Jack & Ada’s was busy, no setas available and the queue the longest I’ve ever seen it. The magic of The F.A Cup does have its downsides. It was 10.50 so I dashed round to McDonald’s. God bless whoever sanctioned the end of the breakfast menu being moved from 10.30 to 11.00.

I walked in and Christmas music was playing which concerned me as I’m taking part in Whamaggedon (a game where you have to go as far into December as possible without hearing the original version of Last Christmas) and was still alive on December 2nd after 1st day knock outs the past two years.

One double sausage and egg McMuffin and no Wham songs later I was heading to Katz. On entry Prince Charming by Adam & The Ants was playing. An excellent song to hear when you are avoiding Wham.

Swill, Matt Whelan, Josh and his daughter Maize were already in the upstairs room along with a few other Saddlers. Goughy and his dad joined us too. The room continued to fill, the jukebox was loaded with Blur songs and all was good in the world. Then the coverage started.

Kick off time approached and all of a sudden the match was called off. I felt for all my mates that had travelled to Alfreton but knew they’d just hit the local pubs so would make the best of it. I had been worried about the game, playing a non league team two levels below us as we are bang out of form to go with it.

Pezza arrived just after what would have been kick off, declaring just a few minutes earlier and he’d have gone home. We went downstairs and got stuck into the drinking. Cat anecdotes, Tinder comments and BBQ tips were all on the agenda for discussion.

We moved onto the The Fountain, a pub renowned for good beer and great cobs although upon entry the tray usually containing the latter was empty. Fair play to the barman who offered to rustle me up a ham and cheese cob. Goughy Snr rushed over to recommend the Silhill “Blonde”. Silhill is a brewery I know little about but their beers seem to be popping up in Walsall more and more, they are always good and this was no exception.

I was glad he made this shout as I had been struggling to read the beer menu chalked on the wall. I know dimly lit pubs seem to be all the rage nowadays but a least provide a bit of light in the appropriate areas.

This was another good visit but by early evening the group was dispersing. So I headed to Wetherspoons for a night cap, as you do at 5.30. Upon arrival though I really needed a toilet visit and not the urinal type. I vary rarely use the cubicles in pubs so it was a trip into the unknown. Trap 1 had a lock on the door but no seat on the loo. Trap two had no lock on the door but a seat on the loo. Trap 3 was occupied so he must have got the best of both worlds. It was getting time sensitive so I headed back to trap 1 and got to work.

Class day with great people. I got home earlier than planed, under budget without having my team embarrassed on national tv….and I’m still in Whamaggedon.

I woke up yesterday morning ready for a sausage sandwich. As per usual with my life there was a snag. The previous night I was to come home from the Prince Of Wales Theatre in Cannock and get bread out of the freezer. Unfortunately as I came through the bus station the 51 was in and this service goes by my house, but also by the Walsall Arms, one stop earlier. To conserve my Carbon Footprint of course I got off at the earlier stop and went to the Arms. 3 quick but decent pints later I went home and bread duties went out the window. You had one job etc etc.

So instead I went to Wetherspoons for breakfast. I didn’t shave or iron my t-shirt thinking I’d be in and out and nobody would see me. Wrong. The whole world and their mom were there. I was joined by Matty Lovatt who after getting over the shock of seeing me drinking coffee provided good company and conversation. More fellow Saddlers in Dave O’Shea, Leechie and Goughy made cameo appearances. Even Jaz the lovely landlady of the Walsall Arms was in.

The pub was decked out in Christmas attire. I know I’m a miserable sod and it’s different for pubs as they ave to appeal to the party goers but it’s still November. Mind you, Heart 80’s played Ghostbusters last week and Halloween is years away. The madness of forcing feast days on us early is spreading.

I had Eggs Benedict which was divine and quickly demolished. I say quickly, it didn’t start well. I must have had the bluntest knife in the place, only to realise it was upside down. To be fair I wasn’t very awake and not paying attention but it felt like payback for chuckling at the Rishi Sunak trying to use a hammer video a couple of days earlier. It was an enjoyable visit. Even a lass smiled at me twice as she passed. Yes I could have gone to the shop by my house for bread which would have been quicker and cheaper but where’s the fun in that? (P.s I’ve just had the sausage sandwich prior to typing this and it was bloody lush).

I went to ASDA. The good news is Mr Rustler had made a delivery so no empty fridge shelved this week. The bad news was the self service till being in an arsey and impatient mood, causing me to sigh repeatedly and thinking of the days when I’d be in the pub this time before a home match.

I went to the match. At half time we noticed that the vending machine had a precariously dangling pack of Rolo’s. We though of buying a pack of Quavers from above to dislodge them but regular readers of this blog will know of the frustration of trying to buy said snack product from said machine, dating back to last season. Yet again it came up as product disabled so that was out. Andy gave the machine a nudge and they fell. It was to prove to be the best attacking move by someone in a Walsall shirt all afternoon. He presented me with the whole pack. Now my previously relationships have not lasted long enough for me and the lass to reach the crucial “would you give them your last Rolo?” stage so to be given a whole pack was really good.

The match was shit and pretty dull. We have an impressive record of losing to teams at the bottom of the league so at least we broke that run with the uninspiring draw but there wasn’t much to get excited about. After the game Andy bought me a pint. A pack of Rolo’s and a pint off him? He got my vote for Man Of The Match.

I ventured out as I was meeting Woza because we were off to tick off a pub in Solihull. He was in the long line of football traffic so I stod on the corner of Wallows Lane and Bescot Crescent to wait. Yep, I was loitering on a street corner just down the road from Walsall’s famous red light district. I hadn’t been there long but a car pulled up. I know not what Woza drives, and it was dark inside so I approached tentatively, crouched down and looked in. It was Woza so I dived in but the bloke in the car behind must have thought he’d seen a live prostitute pick up.

The pub in Solihull was good but I’ll report on that another day. We headed back to Rushall so Woza could park up and get on the beers. First up was The Labour Club, a place I’ve never been in but I should have been on stage at this coming Friday as the fundraising team at work had organised a Trust’s Got Talent night. I’d been entered by my wonderful colleague Carole and was to perform the Jermaine Stewart classic “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes off”, but it got cancelled before I could publicise it. It will be rearranged though and I’m still practising and drinking the cherry wine.

We headed to The Manor Arms, passing the big McDonalds which sits on the site of a former pub The George & Dragon. One of my earliest memories was from outside that pub when I was stung by a wasp and I screamed the place down. Even as a little boy I didn’t turn down the chance to be very dramatic about the slightest of things.

In The Manor we talked Bond themes, as on Thursday I woke up somewhat hungover and had a lie in due to being off work. On Absollute Radio at about 10.30 they do a trivia question and this time it was “Which Bond theme song was recorded by Chris Cornell?” I’m quite good at Bond themes and said Quantum Of Solace and lay there waiting for the point to arrive. Except it didn’t. I’d got it wrong. It was Casino Royale. I asked Woza this and he said the same as me. Turns out the song for our choice as by Jack White and Alicia Keys which I didn’t even know was a thing. We then discussed over themes with me making references to the early Lucas/Walliams show Rock Profile where they play Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones where she is trying to claim other themes as hers and saying all the other Bond performers “don’t have the range”.

In The Boathouse there was a Ellie Goulding tribute act on. Woza doesn’t know any of her songs so on Wednesday I’d set him some homework which was to research some of her hits. “Did you do your homework?” I asked en route. “Did I fuck” he replied. I couldn’t say anything, at school I had a very casual approach to homework and I stil wonder why my GCSE results sheet contains enough E’s to make a drug addict jealous.

It was meant to be £5 in but due to the tickets not arriving in time it was made free. I can cope with that. Like any live music event I had a shopping list of songs I wanted to hear. This time it was “Burn”, “Love Me Like You Do” and “The Writer”. I’m always wary of tribute acts after heading back from a defeat at Scunthorpe a few years back which effectively secured our relegation but with a Shania Twain tribute on in The Wharf to look forward to. Only she didn’t do Shania’s best song “You’re Still The One”. Actual artists know the crowd pleasers, tributes not always. Would a Michael Jackson tribute not do “Dirty Diana” or “Leave Me Alone”? Would a Sophie B Hawkins one disregard her best song “Right Beside You”? (Sorry Craig, you know it’s true).

The singer was really good and she did Burn and Love Me Like You Do, both of which I joined in with enthusiastically. So from my shopping list it was a case of 2 out of 3 aint bad. Hang on, it wasn’t a Meatloaf night. Set one was all Ellie Goulding and set 2 was to be a mix up of songs which started with Kate Bush. I said to Woza “shall we go for curry? I came here for Ellie not Kate”. “But did you come here for bush?” he replied. “I always come for bush”.

We hit the curry house. Long time Rushall Balti but recently renamed Bollywood Tadka. It was warm and welcoming. The chicken tikka was the cheapest starter by a good margin so we both had that. For main I had butter chicken and butter naan. While Meghan Trainer is All About That Bass, I’m all about that butter. I know chips in a curry house is frowned upon in some quarters and I didn’t order the ones we had but I certainly helped polish them off.

The service was good and the food was excellent. Would definately reccomend. It’s licencend too as the pints of Cobra will testify. It came to just over £50 for our two meals.

The owner called me a taxi and I was home in no time. To make up for The Boathouse missing song I listened to The Writer on You Tube. Walking upstairs with Ellie Goulding, what a way to end an excellent day.

It was a bit damp on Saturday morning, and the rain postponed the chainsawing that I was going to do so instead I headed to town. I had to go to ASDA but as I had a bit of time to myself I had a wander around the town centre which I always enjoy doing.

As I made my way down the side of the bus station that green grocers was blasting out music which I’ve not known them do before. Annie Lennox’s No More I Love You’s. It was just starting so she was going through the do-be-do–be-do-do-do oh bits so I had to join in loudly. I bet the bloke in front was pleased that he was wearing headphones.

I got to ASDA and I’m not going to sound like a proper bloke here but I bloody love shopping. I’d do it more often if I had the money. I like marching down the aisles, hunting for bargains, glaring at people that leave fridge doors open and tutting at those who block the access to the reduced chilled section with their trolleys.

I need stuff for work so headed straight for the Rustler burger fridge, and the shelves were bare. Just sausage baps were available. I can only assume Mr Rustler was stuck in his lorry on a motorway somewhere. Mr Ginster got my custom instead.

I headed home as Craig was due round. It was the weekend before payday and I was not flush so I’d initially turned down his approach for a meet up but he offered to buy me booze and a curry and I can certainly deal on those terms so happily accepted.

The pre departure music was random even by my standards. Candy by Cameo was first up. At work in the week “3” a classic but largely forgotten 2009 Briney Spears song popped in my head even though I’d not heard it in years so I played that too. It’s a song about threesomes. I pointed out to Craig that he was still in the spare room on the night and I wasn’t planting the seed for a bit of late night action with an as of yet unknown lady. I think he was a bit disappointed.

We were going to meet Dave and Neil so it was off to The Lyndon House. I was asked recently when I last went in there and it really threw me. I want to say this year but I don’t think it is. Time is going so fast nowadays it could easily be last year. With the way time is flying I’m seriously considering not buying a 2024 calendar as it’ll feel like I’ll get 4 months use out of it.

Dave was already in the bar and had got the beer in so that was good. Ken Beckett the 1st person I met when I joined AMCS was in and he came over to say hello. “6 minutes” Dave exclaimed. “I wondered how long it would take you to see someone you know but six minutes?” I am quite well known to be fair.

Neil arrived and we moved onto The Black Country Arms. They had my favourite ale Lemon Dream on but I thought a 4.5% jobbie was a bit much for only my second pint so I opted for a 3.8% called Resplendent Perspective because I liked the name. Unfortunate that had just gone so had to choose again, I gave the wrong number in my panic and ended up with a 5.2% Enville stout. I don’t do stout but it was a good pint. I also had a pulled pork bap which was excellent.

We discussed The Wetherspoons Game which is a Facebook group where you announce the pub you’re in and which table number and then people send food and drinks to you. I can’t be doing with that to be fair as much as I love free food and drink. I do quite like the idea though of picking a random table in St Matts Hall and putting that out there and sitting back and observing as the freebies start to roll in and confusion arises.

We also discussed what our darts nicknames and walk out music would be. I lean towards the dark side of the force so said my name would be Darth Saddler although the lads thought I said Darts Saddler whilst appropriate but wouldn’t reflect my evil tendencies. I also stated my walk out music would be “How Can We Be Lovers?” by Michael Bolton as neither the crowd or my opponent would be expecting it.

We moved onto The Oak Inn and I settled at a reserved table. There is something nice about sitting at a table that is reserved for some one else. Craig commented “it;s reserved for the Mayor”. I’m not Mayor yet but I’ll take it.

We moved onto The Registry where my best friend Swill was, who was on a Quenn Mary’s School reunion event. My mate Martin was alkso there so it was good to see them.

From there we hit Katz as it is the usual end of night venue although when we got upstairs the retro gaming machine had gone. No games of Pleasure Goal. I deduced that The Pools Panel would award me a home win over Craig in light of our form from the last games. We rounded the night off with a curry in Gurka Bhojan which was really good.

Back at mine we did a music quiz featuring songs from 1990. The year I left my hell hole of a secondary school and got my first job. In those days I thought I had the world at my feet but it turned out I’d got the world at my arse instead which is a bit different.

Cracking Saturday though, and big thanks to Dave, Neil and Craig for the good times.

I think I’ve got a taste for this blogging lark again. I’ve also got a taste for takeaways so here we go again to quote Stakka Bo.

Taste Box, 8 Wisemore, Walsall.

Takeaway opposite Tesco that I have walked past thousands of times but never been in. It recently changed its name but I can’t think what it used to be called. A proper blogger would go on Google Maps and use the year selector to check, and yes I could have done that. But I also had the option to go on You Tube instead and pick Cathy Dennis videos. Which I did and I’m now enjoying. “Too many walls have been built in between us….”. Alright Cathy love, leave the negative stuff to me.

Anyway upon arrival I could’ve eaten southern fried scabby oss due to having my dinner at work an hour early and being in no hurry on my amble in the sun from the Manor along the canal into town. Inside it’s not as big as it looks from outside although a good portion of the place is hidden behind a wall of pizza boxes, which if any bigger it may have required planning permission. Actually I wonder if Cathy Dennis was standing behind it. She thinks too many walls…..

They do an all day collection only pizza offer, but and I’ll say this quietly because it will cause outrage but I didn’t fancy that particular dish. I opted for the fish burger and fries. “Do you want sauce?” “Do you have tartare?”. “No. Garlic mayo?” “Oh, go on”. This was £4, 50p dearer than on the menu but I couldn’t be arsed to argue. If anything it should have been cheaper than the menu as turned down the salad that came as standard. Food was ok. Standard really. Glad I finally ticked it off though.

Charleys. 93 Ablewell Street, Walsall.

Located in what was the long standing Rooster Hut just down from the Trough. I don’;’t usually like to take full frontal pictures of places in case the staff see me. On this occaion I was feeling brave and one did. A man came marching out. “Are you taking a picture?” he demanded. “Yes” I confirmed cheerfully. “It’s my first visit and I like to keep a record of where I’ve been”. Second time I’ve had to use that lie and I’m starting to get good at it.

I ordered the spicy chicken fillet burger (no salad, but mayo and cheese slice) meal which was £5. I studied the menu whilst waiting. One pizza is called fully loaded which is listed as “a bit of everything”. No thank you. I wouldn’t want my pizza to be that busy plus everything means good stuff but also baddies like mushrooms, pineapple and god forbid one of the staff has accidentally brought a cauliflower into work with them. No George, I just like pizza that I know in advance what’s on it. They also do donner meat. chips and cheese which I’ve never seen on a menu before. I’m having that one night on the way home.

My food was served in a cool paper bag by a friendly member of staff who confirmed my order then asked what drink I required. “Pepsi Max please”. “Pepsi?” he checked. “No, Pepsi Max”. He handed me a can of Pepsi. No use to me because of the sugar content. I again couldn’t be arsed. so I shoved it in my pocket.

The seating that was in Rooster Hut is no more so I ate whist leaning up against the wall of Flans, attracting envious glances from passengers on the 934 that stopped at the red light. Food was ok but I’m hoping for more from the cheesy donner next time. I left the unopened can of Pepsi on a table in Wetherspoons hoping it would find a good home.

Saleems, 8 West Bromwich Road, Walsall.

If you’re of a certain age this was the legendary Sang Kee or more commonly known as Mr Yip’s back in the day. Sorely missed by all who frequented it. It’s now just a generic takeaway doing all the standard fayre.

I’ve not used this place for ages. It used to be a port of call on the way home from the Walsall match either post Fullbrook or pre White Lion (occasionally both). With those now both closed I do my immediate post match drinking in the Bescot Bar then either taxi home or into town so I don’t pass it any more.

I perused the menu then went for large fish and chips with a scallop. It came to £5. Very reasonable. I didn’t realise I was getting 2 fish for my money. Absolute bargain. He asked if I wanted sauce. I hadn’t considered that but opted for curry sauce. “It’s not ready” he said “It’ll be 5 minutes”. This threw me. I’m used to having to wait for chips to be cooked but not curry sauce. England v Fiji in the Rugby World Cup wasn’t far off starting so I declined. Maybe when I’m Mayor of this great town I’ll have a bit more influence but at the moment I couldn’t foresee an announcement ringing out at the ground “we’ve had to delay kick off because a little bald twat in Walsall is waiting for curry sauce”.

The drink fridge was completely empty so no Pepsi mix up this time. Really good visit this, and it was nice to finally go there sober. If they start doing battered chips I’d become a regular and house prises in the vicinity would increase sharply

Dixy Chicken, 38 Freer Street, Walsall.

Opened in the last week of September, I’d been meaning to tick this off since but a combination of things including being a bit late for a train and Storm Babet had thwarted me but I finally went there, for Sunday dinner last week.

There were no other customers as I walked in and the lady serving was straight up “what can I get you?”. “Er, I’m not sure yet”. So I perused the screens, which had 25 meal options, sides and pizzas while she stared at me, which wasn’t at all unnerving. Thankfully another customer arrived which diverted her attention leaving me to continue looking. I was up to option 6 at this point.

Eventually I ordered the Chicken Supreme Burger with no lettuce, the latter vital point being confirmed. As it was Sunday dinner and I’d had a cheap weekend I opted for a side of bbq chicken wings. This came to £10.08.

Seating is available so I opted to eat in. There was no background music which I was happy enough with. The unit is bright and feels nice to sit in. I took a window seat so I could people watch the randoms walking up Freer Street.

The food arrived quickly. Sachet of mayo and a pot of sauce were included. Mayo went on fries and it was dive in time. There was an issue with the burger. It had no hash brown on it, not the end of the world. If they’d missed the chicken off I’d have had the place up but it did have lettuce on. I scrapped the lettuce off, which also cost me most of the mayo. Oh if only I still had that sachet. Yes I could have gone up the counter and asked for another one and I’m a big believer in if you don’t ask, you don’t get but on the flip side I’m firmly in the don’t ask camp as I’m not a fan of talking to people.

The chicken wings were great, smothered in bbq sauce gloriously messy to eat. The burger was nice to be fair. On the tray was a note thanking me for my purchase and support of a local business, which was a nice touch.

Nice visit this, and I’ll go back. The last Dixy Chicken in Walsall Town Centre on Bradford Street didn’t last long so I wish these all the best.

That’s it for this edition, I was going to review somewhere yesterday morning but rain and lethargy put paid to that. Thanks as always for reading.

I hadn’t seen Kev Paddock since Morecambe (a) in August so during a text exchange in the week we planned a meet up for food on Friday night. I suggested Sultans in Caldmore (a) as I wanted to review it (b) because curry is one of the best inventions ever and (c) because I figured all the pubs would be decked out in Halloween attire so a curry house would be a good place to avoid that malarkey.

The day was very busy. It felt like all the delivery drivers were dropping off every box on their wagons but it made the shift go quickly and at 4.30 I could escape and start to focus on those 3 little words that that mean so much to so many. Friday night curry.

I didn’t bother booking a table, A curry house isn’t gong to be busy at 8pm is it? To say I could write the gospel of schoolboy errors is an understatement and this was to be another entry. It was heaving. “What are all these people doing?” I asked Kev. “Don’t they know it’s the law that you don’t go to the curry house until the pubs close?”. Ok we were breaking that rule ourselves but as first time offenders I’d like to think we’d have got a lenient sentence if the judge was in a good mood.

The young waiter was perplexed at our request for a table for a two. He wandered around a bit and came up with nothing. A man sat at an empty table which seated 6 put his arms flat on the surface and gave us a look that more than reassured us that two of those spare chairs were not coming our way. Finally another waiter said we could have a table in 20 minutes which I turned down. Please understand I’m not an impatient man but I was very hungry and the sight of lots of people devouring food was not helping.

We headed back into the night. “Shall we go to The Bell?” asked Kev. “The Bell?” I queried thinking he meant the one on Birmingham Road, “Do they do curry?”. “No I mean The New Bell. Great Barr way”. Now my mate Andy Jones has longed raved about this place and has been on about taking me so I know it’s good so happily agreed. I felt a bit bad about sneaking off there behind his back but it was a desperate situation and hoped he’d understand.

We got there and the car park was full. You’d have struggled to get a Sinclair C5 on it. Street parking it is then. Hmmmm. Put it this way, if you’re a fan of double yellow line spotting you’re in for a treat round there, there’s miles of them. We drove around the block hoping a gap would appear on the car park but to no avail.

Critical times. Kev opened Google and asked for nearby curry houses, and it came up with Simla Spice. 4 minutes away. Yes please and thank you. As we approached Kev remarked that we’d been out for half an hour and not come close to seeing a naan bred. I said it would be just our luck to get there and a big banner would be above the door proclaiming “Tonight only. Free sex with every curry” and that the place would be rammed.

We walked in, there was just one other customer. Lots of tables. Both Kev and myself were very relieved and excited to see wood. We were given a corner table providing us both with our own radiators. This was welcome. It’s fair to say that the music was not the normal style that you get in a curry house. Jennifer Lopez was on as we walked in. This was followed by Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve. The Verve in a curry house? Amazing. Why have I not been coming here for years?

The lighting was subdued which I normally like but here I had to put the light on my phone to read the menu. Minutes latter I was ready to order Makani Chicken. I normally have 2 chapatis but I was still very excited so went for a cheese naan which I’ve never had before.

The food arrived quickly, and as per normal after just one spoon of it we were asked if it was ok? Why is it always before you’ve properly sampled it and just after you’ve shoved it in your gob? I was bought up not to speak with a full mouth so gave a couple of firm nods.

The place was nicely decked out with Kev commenting it looked like a beauty salon. I said it probably doubled up as one and they switched the sign at 5pm. This got my imagination going and before long I’d come up with the concept of a spa place with food called “Massage & Masala”. Please don’t nick this idea. Kev and me are taking it on Dragons Den. They’d all be fighting over it. Even Deborah “I’m out” Meaden would want in.

Livin’ la Vida Loca came on and I really had the urge to get up on one of the other tables, give it portions and gyrate around a bit but there was still food to eat and nobody wants to see that. The amazing AC/DC song “Back In Black” followed. I didn’t gyrate to that either.

“Losing My Religion” came on. I got emotional. “I’ve got great company, eating lovely curry and I’m listening to R.E.M. I’m so happy I could cry”. I followed this up with the inevitable “that’s me in the korma” line. It had to be done.

I needed the loo and I have this thing where I leave it to the last second to make my move but then have to scamper in a try not to piss myself move. I asked about the toilet to be pointed in the direction but informed that it was occupied. By whom we wondered. We were now the sole customers. Typical of me and my rubbish timing, I wanted the loo at the same time as the chef. Oh well, I made it.

The bill arrived which was very reasonable but as we mulled over it Red Hot Chillli Peppers came on. I’d just shoved an After Eight in my mouth so Kev was able to beat me to the “this is the apporiate band for in here line”.

So we ended up having a great evening. We learned that sometimes Plan C is better than Plan A, even if we didn’t get free sex with our curry.

Kev had work in the morning so he dropped me off at The Wheatsheaf. Daz and Colin were doing a dj set so I popped in to show my face. They were playing a remix of Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love”. I can;t stand Led Zeppelin and that is their worst song but fair play for someone trying to improve it. Daz assured me I’d like the next song which was Rhythm Of The Night and he was right. The Green Duck IPA was in god form but I only had one and headed home. A cheap and early night which was win win on both counts.