Evening In Birmingham That’ll Be Hard To Beat.

I’m very superstitious and have long wanted to try booking a Friday the 13th off work and just staying in bed all day to be safe. No chance of me doing it this time though as there was the small matter of seeing Hard-Fi in concert on the evening. I love this band and they are the group I have seen live the most and this 5th time would see them put daylight on the leader board between them and the 3 artists that I’ve seen 3 times that are in 2nd place.

It was a busy day at work but I was very giddy and it went quickly. At dinner on Twitter the band had announced the set times. Tom A Smith 8pm. Hard-Fi 9pm. I quoted the tweet putting Alcohol 6pm. The band liked this tweet which just added to my excitement. During a discussion with Carole on the afternoon about the evening I was so hyper I couldn’t get my words out. Leaving work and walking through the hospital I burst into a rendition of Hard To Beat, startling a couple of ladies coming out of ward 11.

I was wearing my Hard-Fi t-shirt which I’m delighted to say now fits me. If anything it’s a bit big but when I purchased it back on the first tour I didn’t try it on at the time, and when I got home it made me look like a pregnant lemon.

I headed to St Matthews Hall, Walsall Wetherspoons and waited for Woza. After a pleasant pint we headed for the railway station. The man in the ticket office was very helpful and jovial, offering the customer in front advice on how to get a cheaper journey. The customer replied “I don’t mind paying full price”. The man continued his advice to be shot down “I really can’t be bothered”. Fair play to him. Ticket office man wished us both a good evening but gave no advice on how to make our returns to Birmingham cheaper. Boooo.

I’d not been to the new Wetherspoons in New Street station before. The London & North Western was busy, had a good atmosphere and was reasonably priced for a station bar. £4 something for a Coors. Our mate Madels was already there so we had a quick pint and moved on.

We passed the Bull Ring Tavern which is usually a must visit when in that part of town but time was against us so couldn’t go in even though they were blasting out Baby Come Back by Pato Banton. I love that song and despite how much I hate UB40 I will accept that the Campbell’s did well on that.

We did visit The Big Bulls Head. It’s tradition to go there pre gig. It was busy and playing stuff like Arctic Monkeys and Kasabian. I ordered a Madri and was very pleasantly surprised to get a fiver in my change from a tenner. I went to the toilet, which took a while as people didn’t hear/ignored my polite “excuse me” requests. I also nearly walked into the kitchen. On the way back I walked out the pub and went the street way round figuring it would be quicker only to walk in and fins all the big group had left.

Madels, me and Woza. How does the lyric go? Oh yes “can’t you see the camera loves me?”

There was no queue outside the O2 Institute which was good as we were straight in but the room itself was rammed. I walked into a sizeable crowd of fellow Walsall fans on entry though. I wasn’t expecting a chant of “Evo Evo Evo” as I walked in so that was ace. There wasn’t much scope for moving forward so we just settled at the back. Woza came back from the bar with is beer and mentioned “it’s £7.50 a pint”. Jesus. I mean I’ve got some money to spend, living for the weekend but I’m not paying that. To quote Major Misunderstanding out of Viz “they’ll not be getting a penny out of me”. It’s a good job I didn’t put “alcohol 8.52 pm on that earlier tweet.

My first time here since The Vaccines around 13 years ago.

The backdrop lit up revealing the iconic CCTV camera logo and out came Hard-Fi. Despite being at the back I could make out the two guitarists and occasionally Richard Archer the singer when either he or the lad 3 rows in front that could have given a medium sized tree a run for it’s money moved around.

Opening with Middle Eastern Holiday which was epic with the first real big crowd pleaser being Tied Up Too Tight. Everyone seemed to put real feeling into Better Do Better suggesting a lot of bitterness to former partners was in the room. Cash Machine produced the first multiple camera phones in the air movement and the crowd a cappella rendition of the chorus at the end of that was immense.

Time was getting on. I started to wonder about Stars Of CCTV. Title track of the first album and my favourite Hard-Fi song by some distance. One of the best instrumental breaks which has to be air drummed to, along with great lyrics. Would they be doing this? It was only an album track and I was well aware that the 3 artists tied for second place on my viewed list all failed to perform my favourite song the last time I saw them. Belinda Carlisle (Runaway Horses), Maroon 5 (Must Get Out) and Boy Kill Boy (Ivy Parker) respectively.

An outstanding performance of Hard To Beat took us into the encore. Woza said “I want Move On Now”. He didn’t need to ask what I wanted. They came back on and launched into Move On Now. Happy Woza. Then came Stars Of CCTV. Happy me. Naturally I gave it portions and the flashing blue lights at the end was a good nod to the lyrics. The final song was Living For The Weekend and it rounded off a brilliant gig. I truly loved it as did Woza and Madels.

The advantage of not drinking was no mid gig piss, plus being at the back meant we were early in the queue for the somewhat limited toilet facilities post gig. Everyone was singing the chorus to Suburban Knights on the stairs on he way out which was ace.

Outside it was decision time. Madels had to go one way whilst us the other. We split the difference and I suggested Bullring Tavern. Motion carried. We got in just as last orders was called. I don’t often do good timing but this was one. Some of the other Walsall lads also came in. A quick fottie discussion with Rob led to him sorting my friend for a fiver ticket for yesterdays match against Gillingham. Cheers Rob. Top lad.

I checked the train app (thanks again Mase) and was surprised to see that the last train back to Walsall was 23.24. Nice. Bit more drinking time. When West Midlands Trains took over the franchise they did mention a later last train back from Birmingham. It’s only taken 7 years and it’s just 6 minutes later but it’s a start. (Please check train times before you travel in case this was a one off, although it wasn’t showing as delayed).

Back in Walsall we headed to the Tap & Tanner. Karaoke was on which was quite entertaining. Paradise By The Dashboard Light performed by a lad who kept running up and the steps and finally did a circuit of the pub whist singing was good. This was followed by a lady doing Whitney’s I Want To Dance With Somebody but she forgot the Ric Flair impression at the start. I didn’t though.

I’ve long wanted to do Divinyls “I Touch Myself” on the karaoke and considered putting this in but I was a bit knackered and still far too hyper from the gig. I’d have nailed it, made it all about me and probably touched myself a bit too much, even for the post encryption after Midnight slot.

It was a brilliant night. Throughly enjoyable. This superstitious guy would just like to say “Friday the 13th? You did good.”

A Whistle-stop Tour Of Wolvo Micro’s.

I don’t see my mate Chris very often so when he text asking if I fancied visiting a micropub in Bilbrook then beers in his local Hail To The Ale in Claregate I eagerly agreed. We set a date of Friday and all was good.

There was a decent nod to Rishi Sunak to come with Chris messaging saying the plans were being scaled back as the Bilbrook part of the route was being axed. He asked if I minded which I really didn’t I just wanted a much needed catch up and didn’t mind where. But a government style u turn was to follow with Bilbrook being reinstated and also the option of an additional micro. Result.

I had a busy but enjoyable day at work and the bus from outside was bang on time. I meant to review a chip shop but McDonads Monopoly is currently on and as I still haven’t got Mayfair yet I opted to go there instead. I’m normally a regular at the home of Ronald during the Monopoly period but this was only my 3rd visit this time. Well 4th technically but one was a breakfast drive through mission with Craig and the Monopoly stickers are not available during that time which is probably for the best. If they were on sausage and egg McMuffins it would be the ruin of me, both financially and health wise.

So like I say my 3rd time of the promotion and I got Leicester Square for the 3rd time. That’s a set of some kind surely? Give me a free chicken nugget or something for that.

I got the 529 and headed towards junction 10. It was my first time of seeing this in daylight since it was completed. One lane was coned off despite no road works being performed. Surely defeated the object of building extra lanes.

We passed through Willenhall. The Prince Of Wales being converted was a depressing sight but the former Weetherspoons had an “under offer” sign which was intriguing.

I arrived in Wolverhampton and popped to the loo. The last time I used these facilities I was at the urinal in full flow when I heard “alright Mikee?” I turned and a lad that I honestly didn’t recognise was standing there beaming at me. It’s not often I get beamed at when I’ve got my willy out so was hoping for a repeat occurrence but there was no sign of him this time.

I headed towards Primark where Chris was parked and someone asked if I had a spare cigarette. I don’t smoke so his request was doomed to failure but I love it when I am asked this. If I did smoke I’d like to think that I would leave the house with enough of them to get me though the day so it always makes me happy to know that there are people even less organised than me out there.

Chris was parked by Primark but I know not what make/model/colour of car he drives. Even if I did know I wouldn’t have a clue. My ability to identify cars ended with the Renault 4 and 5 models. As a side note my dream if I ever become a famous rich writer is to own a white Renault 4. Plans are currently on hold as I don’t drive and the only money I have ever made from writing was in 2007 when someone in The Fitters gave me £20 (and bought me a pint) for writing a newspaper obituary for his Mother In Law.

Anyway it was now dusk and I picked the wrong car. Apologies to the bloke and his young lad who had me peering into his passenger door window. Chris was round the corner. I found him and we were off to The Keg And Comfort on Stafford Road.

First time here but I had heard good things about it. Big by micropub standards but it was busy. The bar was long and wide with several ales on along with a wide range of bottles, and randomly a plastic cup with Galaxy bars. There was a massive clock made up of bottles which I loved.

I love a toilet sign and one in here urged customers to clean up after themselves should they feel unwell. My twisted mind took this to mean the shits but realised afterwards they probably meant vomiting. Although both are feasible. Another sign on the hand drier said it wasn’t in use to save electricity which made me smile.

Next up was The Olde Vicarage in Bilbrook. We got a very friendly welcome and were given time to peruse the choice of 15 beers. A lady that came in after us was carrying a pizza box. The barman said she was allowed to bring it in but the barstaff had to be given a slice. I thought that this should be extended to first time visitors but then the lady said the pizza was horrible.

This blew my mind. How can pizza be horrible? Oh of course. It must have pineapple on it.

I explored and found a side room with a piano, guitars books and board games. There is also a crucifix on one of the walls. That priest from Father Ted who is obsessed with saying mass would love it in there, all the ingredients you need for a good service. There is bound to be something behind the bar that could pass as communion wine. I liked this place and we got cheerful goodbyes as we left and I said “thanks, see you soon” and I meant it. A must go back place.

Next up was Hail To The Ale. They had AJ’s Stuck In The Doghouse on and I always have Walsall ale when I see it outside the borough and it was in excellent nick.

This is an award winning micro pub, popular with humans and dogs, one of which gave me a big bark as I walked passed. I don’t mind dogs but am always slightly wary having been bitten on the shoulder by a Great Dane when I was 9. Both dogs in attendance seemed in a god mood so all was good. There was also a piano which had me racking my brains as the last time two consecutive pubs had this instrument. I’m still working that out.

Chris wanted to get home to watch the second half of the West Brom game so he ordered me a taxi which he paid for as he had done for the beers. What a bloke. The taxi came quicker than expected but we’d had a really good catch up and it was good to see him.

As it was early I opted to go to the Walsall Arms, George the driver was not messing around either and had the pedal to metal all the way and I was soon back.

The Arms had Lemon Dream on so I ordered that. Standard behaviour but a lady at the bar questioned why I wanted that and was it nice? She explained that she only drinks cider. Alison gave her a sample and she exclaimed how lovely it was. My work here is done etc. Karaoke was on which was good and ended a fine evening nicely.

5 Walsall Cafe Reviews. The Sausage & Egg Edition.

It was time to get back on the food reviews. Opted to do a cafe blog this time for a couple of reasons. (1) sausage and egg sandwiches are cheaper than fish & chips and (2) I wanted to give a mention to the former Corner Cafe in Caldmore. The place had closed down but I was ever hopeful of it reopening. I then saw it had been turned into a vape shop. Apologies to Kev Paddock who witnessed my near breakdown at this. The last time I unravelled like this in front of someone was back in 2008 when my mate Madels saw my reaction to Walsall FC selling Scott Dann to Coventry. I guess times change and nothing lasts forever but it’s still sad. Thanks for everything Corner Cafe. Many a drunken Saturday adventure started within your walls.

As a side note, I read this week that singing sensation Jorja Smith has moved back to Walsall from London. The video for her single Blue Lights was filmed around Walsall including a quick shot in The Corner Cafe. I hope someone tipped her off that the place has closed before she took the plunge to move back home. Anyway onto the reviews….

Chuckery Cafe, 3 Selbourne Street, Walsall.

Only my second ever visit to this place but it’s much changed from the last time. Now decorated in the painted artwork style including a camper van, a cheerful looking donkey, happy young girl and a beaming chef. Most importantly with pride of place above the counter a sizeable nod to Walsall FC. As I photographed this, a lady at the next table commented “oh it’s nice to see someone else appreciating the Walsall work”. Absolutely. We had a quick chat on the usual lines “need a win today” etc etc. We did win, beating Colchester 1-0.

The service was friendly and the food came out very quickly, and it was delicious. I demolished it in seconds. Onlookers must have thought I hadn’t eaten for a week. I forgot to write down the price but I’m sure it was £3.50 for sandwich and cuppa. Either way it was a bargain.

A group of lads came in and one ordered breakfast without bacon, hash browns and black pudding. I totally understood the no hash browns policy but was baffled by the other two. His mate commented “bro, why even order a breakfast?” which caused amusement to everyone in the place.

Great visit this and as it’s walk-able from my house but also handy for the Walsall Arms,a dual visit must be on the cards.

I stepped outside and bumped into friend of the blog Colin which rounded off the trip nicely.

Bakers Sandwich Bar, 34A Birmingham Road, Walsall.

Cafe that opened in 2019 which made headlines months later by serving Christmas Day dinners to the homeless and lonely.

Despite being the closest cafe to my house I think this was only my 4th visit. Radio 2 was belting out Alison Moyet’s “That Ole Devil Called Love” as I entered. No menus on the tables and I couldn’t be arsed to read the one taped to the side of the counter so I just ordered and sat down.

There were newspapers dotted around which sated most political viewpoints of customers. I get my news now off LBC or Twitter so didn’t pick any of these up. Service was quick and the sausage and egg sandwich with a cup of tea,along with an Orange Club Bar which I hadn’t asked for come to £5.

Food was good although when I came to eat the Club a combination of the near 30 degree heat and leaving it resting against the cuppa too long had completely melted the chocolate. I decided it would be easiest to eat it straight off the wrapper but this left me with melted chocolate on my nose. Never a god look.

Nice little cafe this. Arty in its decor and the owner gave me a couple of pats on the shoulder and a “thanks buddy” on the way out. I like stuff like that.

Penguin Cafe, 511 Bloxwich Road, Leamore.

Cafe opposite The Railway pub that I’ve been past on the bus many times but never visited. With a day of missions that required a daysaver it was an ideal time to visit. As you’d expect it is decked out with penguins mostly in art form with the biggest on the toilet door but also some physical ones.

I ordered the sausage & egg sandwich with tea (£3.90) and was surprised that the drink was self serve with you filling the cup from a hot urn on the counter. This was a new one on me.

I sat at a table in front of the radio which was gently playing Heart FM and treating me to Katy Perry, Snow Patrol and Olly Murs. It was quite busy for a Monday morning along with some lads on the next table discussing their visit to Salford on the Saturday to see Walsall win.

Service was friendly and the food came out super quickly. I’d barely got into my Twitter feed when the phone was put down due to another type of feed incoming. The food was good and I really enjoyed this visit.

Lockside Cafe, Old BHS, 71-75 Park Street, Walsall.

I liked this place when it was BHS, especially the juddery lift but I’d only been in once since it was carved up into individual units and the cafe in there had closed down on that visit. However it reopened last Saturday (16th) by the lad who used to have The Wharf Bar, who incorporated the steakhouse of the same name in there.

Smooth Radio was on the television as I entered with George Michael performing “Freedom”, sadly his solo hit not the Wham song of the same name which is far better imo.

The sandwich orders in here are simple. No differing prices for bacon & egg or sausage and egg etc, it’s charged on the number of items contained. So my sausage and egg came in at £2.60 (£3.90 with the cuppa). I’m no Carol Vorderman but I quickly deduced that a 4 item sandwich of bacon, sausage, egg and black pudding would be £3.80. Something to consider after payday.

Food arrived quickly and it was good. The nice lady on Smooth dropped a pretty decent hint that “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding was coming on after the news, so I nursed my tea and was rewarded with that classic shortly afterwards. Another good visit and I hope this place does well.

Jack & Ada’s Cafe Restaurant, Units 3-4 St Pauls Buildings, 1 St Pauls Street, Walsall.

Situated at the main bus station, I’ve name checked this place in the blog many times as it’s my favourite cafe but I’ve never actually reviewed it per se. So here goes. I’d got the day off work, I woke up feeling peckish which isn’t unusual for me and I thought what the hell. Let’s get reviewing.

The usual friendly welcome was afforded me along with some footie chat as the owners are Walsall fans which is reflected in the pictures of Bescot Stadium and Fellows Park on the wall.

The cafe is split in to two levels and I got my favourite table (no 5) in the upper tier. I was ravenous so went for a side salad of a slice of fried bread to go with the sausage and egg sandwich and cup of tea which all came to £5.70.

The cafe is licensed and it was good to see that bottles of SPA and IPA from Walsall brewery AJ’s Ales were available. The menu is extensive, it’s the size of a broadsheet newspaper and double sided. They do a Walsall Omelette which contains 3 eggs, cheese, ham, bacon, onion, mushroom, tomato and peas. They really had me until I saw the last 4 ingredients. They also listed vegan pork scratchings which really confused me.

The music was 60’s which is the norm, the food arrived quickly and was delicious. Also the norm.

The place is nicely decked out. Paul and Sam have created a nice vibrant place to eat and meet. There is a exhibit from Walsall Illuminations on one wall and if you are a fan of The Fab 4 you can sit in Beatles Corner. If you hate The Fab 4, other seats are available.

I hadn’t been in for a little while so it was good to see the place is still on top form. Another good visit.

Thanks for reading everyone. I enjoyed the research for this one. While I’m on, here is another episode of The Long And Shot Of It featuring Sean and myself.

Lemon Dreams Can Come True.

Apologies for the lack of blogs of late but I really don’t have the cash to go out on missions at the moment. However it was payday last Friday so I set myself a weekend budget, ensuring that some would be left for Sunday.

After good Friday and Saturday times, I was up for a lighter Sunday. Shopping first though. Savers for soap and vitamins, Heron for bread and Pot Noddles. The doctor has told me to eat more fruit and veg so to tick this box I no longer undertake the arduous task of removing the sweetcorn from Pot Noddles. I now feel like I’m getting full value for my purchase of them so win win.

I had no idea that Savers did Pot Noodles and at 30p cheaper than Heron I took advantage. I sacked Heron off and headed to the Co-Op instead for bread. As I approached the checkout a man appeared and broke into a brisk march in a bid to get there before me. Bloody hell George, if you’re in that much of a hurry, be my guest. I heard him ask for a number 18 scratchcard so I purchased one myself hoping he’d lose and I could take advantage.

I popped to St Matt’s Hall. They had Salopian “Lemon Dream” my favourite beer on. Motion carried. One of those please. I’ve just given up my CAMRA membership and pondered using a 50p off voucher (whilst still valid) which I never do but on the morning I really couldn’t be arsed to look for them. Still, at £2.55 it was bargain and tasted great. I got the scratchcard out and won £20. Best quid I’ve spent in a while.

Next up was Katz. I’d been in the day before and was intrigued by a beer called Fanny Ebbs. However the main purpose of that visit was for the pig roast which I was very excited about. So much so I panicked and just ordered my usual beer. The pork bap was amazing though.

On arriving at Katz I was disappointed to see that the beer had gone. Joe the barman explained that it had flew out the day before. Missing out on the fanny. Absolute story of my life.

I was peckish but although Katz and The Walsall Arms do amazing Sunday dinners, I wasn’t quite feeling one of those. To my surprise and delight, Jean the dinner cook came out with a big tray of free samosas, and insisted I had 2. Well I prefer even numbers so I kept her happy.

Earlier in the week it had occurred to me that I hadn’t been to a pub bbq or even heard of any this year. Appreciate that the weather has been pants this Summer so understood why they weren’t happening but then Jaz from The Walsall Arms posted they were having a Bank Holiday Sunday one so once the start time of it came I headed up.

Double delight as they had also got Lemon Dream on. Kerry the lovely barmaid was her usual welcoming self and she didn’t need to ask what I wanted. I think she was raising the glass to the Lemon Dream nozzle as soon as my mossiv head appeared turning the corner into the bar.

This though.

The bbq was on with the added bonus of the food being free but with the request for donations to the staff Christmas party fund. No problem there. The donation tin was by the karaoke booth and it felt a bit strange approaching that and not requesting a song to sing. A lot of people were watching Newcastle v Liverpool and I guessed they wouldn’t want me nailing “Shut Up And Dance” over the top of the commentary.

I’ve got to be honest, I stayed longer than I planned to. The songs between the karaoke were all classic disco songs, “Red Light Spells Danger” being the pick of these but the singers were good too. A very energetic rendition of 4 Non Blondes “What’s Up”? was entertaining.

Shortly afterwards another singer was due and the opening lyrics came up on the screen which was “mmm mmm mmm” leading me to believe we were getting some classic Crash Test Dummies action but then Mad Marie as she is known called up the singer and announcing she was doing Celine Dion. I didn’t pay much attention until near the end when I decided that I liked the song and wanted to hear it again. I just about managed to type the lyric “bless the day” into my notes and Google has just worked out that it’s called “I’m Alive”. So I’m listening to it now as I type this. I’m no Celine Dion expert by any means but this bought back memories of the time back in the 90’s when Paul Mitchell and I were arguing in The Fullbrook about who was the bigger fan of her. I won as he’d never heard of “Only One Road”. You had these type of conversations in The Fullbrook in those days whilst waiting for the next fight to watch.

Mase and Martin had arrived and the former quizzed me on my shopping. It felt a bit Generation Game as I listed what I’d purchased earlier. He was impressed at my soap choice of Imperial Leather. I explained that it’s the only bit of luxury that I get these days.

Anyway the pub was busy. it was a great atmosphere and I had a really good time. Thank God for the free food though else that 4.5% Lemon Dream would have kicked my arse on the walk home.

While I’m on apologies again for the lack of blogs but if you want more me content with some Sean action too here is another episode of The Long And Shot Of It, this one from Katz. This episode is different to the one I posted on Facebook and Twitter on Monday. All previous episodes are on the You Tube channel. Cheers.

Bring Me Sunshine? We Got Rain.

Yesterday was the first day of the football season so it was an early rise again for a trip to Morecambe. I really couldn’t afford to go so massive thanks to my amazing friends and Niece Swill, Sarah, Kev, Morti, Mase, Beth, Josh, Amber, Alan and Mark who secretly had a whip round to pay for my match ticket, travel, hotel and refreshments. Much love and thanks to you all.

Kev picked me up and we hit the M6. First discussion was the likelihood of Storm Antoni affecting us. My made Comedy had already posted that it was hitting them on holiday in Wales. I’d checked the BBC Weather site for Morecambe and it had advised 0% chance of rain all night, until 6am when it jumped to 80% staying like that all day until 5pm when it dropped to 79%. I commented on looking forward to that 1% drop on the walk back to the pubs.

My bladder was in a good mood for once so it was some way up the M6 before we stopped which was at Charnock Richard. I still wasn’t exactly bursting upon getting there which was a good as I struggled to find the loos, traipsing mournfully through restaurants and doing u-turns before eventually finding them. My visit was peaceful unlike Kev’s. His cubicle door wouldn’t lock so had 4 men try and join him in there plus his sat nav was still active on his phone so he was getting instructions mid flow. Good job this wasn’t me as if I’d had someone saying turn left/right whilst peeing, the bloke at the next urinal would have had wet shoes. They had new Dyson hand driers which was very exciting, they look like handle bars. Not as good as the Airblade that you stick your hands in. Sorry James.

We departed as Radio X played “You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party”. What a great song to depart a service station car park too. We wondered whether Charnock Richard was an actual place or named after a local legend. Kev liked the idea that that they were two blokes. “Love, I’m just off to the pub to meet Charnock and Richard.”

We got to Morecambe and on getting out of the car a local pub started blasting out Bring Me Sunshine. What a way to announce our arrival. We couldn’t check into the hotel until after the game so we had no choice but to go to the pub and The Kings Arms looked lively so we dived in there.

Marvellous Matt Stacky was in there and I’d barely got through the door and he was shouting “Evooooooo”. It’s always good to get the first “Evooooo” of the season in early doors so nice box ticked.

The pub was already doing a brisk trade, so brisk that I was put off from having a go at the balance a 20p coin on the lemon game on the bar. Soon there was a full on sing song going on and it was ace. Matty Lunt who was leading most f these then pointed at me and gave it the “Evo give us a song, Evo Evo give us a song”. I hadn’t had my vocal warm up though so politely declined. A short while later the young son of the delightful Shelley Large started a song. I was very impressed but also a bit jealous.

We’d dodged the torrential rain on the walk from car to pub yet within 20 minutes people were walking in soaked though. We somehow missed it again when moving onto Harrys Bar. This was a bit more sedate and provided good conversation time. I also took full advantage of the shop next door. Well you have to buy a stick of rock when at the seaside don’t you?

There were no taxi’s so we had to walk to the ground which was a jaunt. I thought I’d got my steps in for the day hunting for the toilets at the station of Mr Charnock and Mr Richard, but no. There was more. As I approached the turnstile people were being frisked. wondered if he would feel the stick of rock in my pocket. If he did, he didn’t comment.

Anyway the match was a bit poo. We went behind but equalised before half time. I’ve seen lots of Walsall goals but also missed plenty. This was the first one I’ve seen with a stick of rock in my gob.

Half time was really good chatting to lots of people. We really are a tight knit fan base. We don’t have massive crowds, Walsall FC have a strict quality over quantity policy when it comes to supporters and I’m chuffed to know so many of them.

Second half was much better but we managed to throw it away in true Walsall FC style. We headed back, the chances of rain at 5pm had thankfully receded by 79% and we checked into the Auckland Hotel. This is a modern but traditional feeling hotel. You don’t have to put a card in a slot to turn the lights on which is nice. The shower comes with a reflective knob which allows you to see yourself when sitting on the toilet. I like to think this is a key criteria for some when searching for somewhere to crash.

I made a coffee and checked the footie scrores including The F A Cup and there was exciting news. Not only is Charnock Richard an actual place but their team played in said competition beating Squires Gate 7-0. Walsall FC announce Charnock Richard (a) in the first round, especially as I now know where the toilets are at the services.

The Morecambe Bra Bar. Well they certainly had the bras but no bar. Shame. My order would have been “a pint of Lemon Dream and a white lacy 36D please landlord.”

I met the lads in The Old Bank but before I’d got served Jay announced we were moving on and headed round the corner to Palatine. This is a great bar, the upstairs Manhunter Restaurant raised my interest. A very ignorant woman barged into me whist on her way for a piss and despite us being served I had to wait for my beer as the barmaid explained the good places to go in town.

It was a good vibe in here, there was a singer on although Rob was out performing him with his new Danny Johnson song. We were joined by more Saddlers like Derek and Thompo and it was a great couple of hours.

As we left I announced to Kev that I was going to grab a Chinese and go back to the hotel. He opted to join me which was good because as we walked in it became apparent that it was a restaurant not not a take away but before I knew it Kev was sat down asking for a menu. “Oh, were staying then?”. The waitress found us a nice table for two at the back. Kev commented “this suddenly fees like a date”. “Mate, I’ve not had a date in 10 years so I’m fine with that”. He even stuck a flower behind his ear for added effect.

The food came really quickly. Kev asked for a crash course in using chop sticks. I wasn’t that interested to be fair. I’d rather learn how to use drum sticks than the chop variety, but after finishing my divine curry which was rammed full of chicken I had a little go with the sticks. First attempt failed. 2nd go I got a chunk of rice in my mouth, 3rd attempt I got the rice up close before it all fell away. Those toy grabbing machines on the front would have nodded in appreciation at that.

We departed and were followed out by 3 blokes who we got chatting too. A Morecambe fan who admitted they didn’t deserve the win, a fellow Saddler and a bloke from Luton who supports them, MK and Man United. This blew mine and Kev’s minds. How can you support Luton, MK and Man U? I don’t get the whole second team thing, let alone 3rd teams. I find supporting 1 team is more than enough.

The Morecambe fan tried to get us to join them for more supping but we politely declined. We headed back and I was soon in my room listening to Nick Abbot on LBC and reflecting on a wonderful day.

Apologies for ending on a slightly maudlin tone but last month was the 10th anniversary of the death of my mom and one of my memories of her was her posing by the Eric Morcambe statue and I wanted to recreate this. It wen well to be fair and on the various social media platforms I saw many other Saddlers also doing this.

A Boozy Dash Around Halifax.

On Saturday I went on a trip to Halifax, a town I’ve only been to 3 times previously, all for football. Two dismal defeats and one splendid 4-0 victory. One of the former including an odd incident where the food van for the away end didn’t turn up so after much persuasion a steward opened the gate and let 10 of us out to leg it to a local petrol station for half time snackage. The latter included a joyous conga breaking out in the away which eventually also included two Gillingham fans who were there to cheer us on.

So my only drinking in Halifax had been at The Shay pub by the ground, a place that on the noticeboard had a list of all the currently barred people, for how long and why. More pubs should do this.

At the Friends Of Highgate Brewery AGM in February when a list of potential trips was being mooted I happily cast my vote for Halifax and was delighted when it won.

After a pleasant breakfast at Walsall Wetherspoons I headed for the coach and for once I wasn’t last. I’m never late but I really do tend to be the last to arrive but not this time.

The motorway service station was odd. The toilet only had cubicles which was strange (it wasn’t the women’s as I’d passed them on the way). The toilet itself didn’t have a straightforward lid and took some fathoming out before I discovered a latch underneath. It was like being on The Crystal Maze. Richard O’Brien should have been standing outside playing a harmonica rather than the delightful “Bulletproof” by LaRoux being played. Anyway it sounded like the bloke in the next cubicle was also having the same trouble given the banging and frustrated noises emanating from there.

Anyway everyone loves a motorway fact yeah? I know I do. The M62 at junction 32 is the highest point above sea level of the entire motorway network. To recognise this my ears popped. Nice. We made the Halifax junction speedily but then lost a vital 30 minutes drinking time because of roadworks all the way in.

First pub was The 3 Pigeons which was magnificent but I’ll chat about that anther time – read about it here. From there we got a taxi to Big 6. A marvellous heritage pub out of town and down a random side street, a proper you have to know it’s there venue. Despite it’s vintageness it was also doubling up as a 2020 theme pub as it had hand sanitiser stations and signage all round the pub and the toilet door still boasted a “one in one out sign”.

Rear view of Big 6 from the un-adopted road it backs onto.

The beer in here was cheap and decent. One man in the group nearly fainted because his two halves only came to £3.80. My pint was £3.50. If he’d had that I may have had to summon colleagues from the Cardiac Department.

We headed back into the town and Victorian Craft Beer Cafe was next. It certainly did feel Victorian with old pictures, books and bric a brac dotted around and with a rather rustic looking bike outside. Despite it saying Craft Beer there was plenty of cask options but with the word cafe in the name there were no menus offering sausage and egg sandwiches which I could have done with at that point. The beer was good though and it was a great bar.

Victorian Craft Beer Cafe.
I didn’t go in but I’ll take a prescription on my next visit.

Bob and I broke from the group and switched to halves to get more pubs in. Next up was The Upper George. A traditional pub but with mod cons. The only pub of the day to feature a pool table. A couple were playing and every time he potted he got a snog off his missus. Bob commented “he’s going to need some more chalk on his cue in a minute”. I briefly pondered what his reward for potting the black would be.

The pub was slogan free apart from above the gents (the door to which saying gents was fully open and thus not visible from the bar). It said “Push it to the limit”. Like I say there was no other slogans like this around so I was wondering how it translated into blokes, below is where you go for a piss. Perhaps Ted Rogers from 3-2-1 was asked to provide the clue.

The locals were decent and the highlight for Bob was one of them querying a price by saying “are you out of your tits?” Naturally I missed this as I was busy pushing it to the limit.

Our next tick was The Grayston Unity micropub. Pub Of The Day this. Quirky place with a friendly barman, a ladder that goes nowhere, a random coathanger and various other talking points, of which the splendid beer was one. We sat on a church pew but round the corner were 3 cinema style seats. Good job I didn’t sit ther as instead of booze I’d have wanted an SRB hotdog whilst everyone in the vicinity sang the Pearl & Dean song. The toilet was just a plywood shack decorated with pages from a 70’s magazine. No, not that kind of magazine. I’ll have none of that on my blog. They are moving to a new bar in 4 weeks so I’m glad I got to tick this one off.

The Grayston Unity.

Penultimate place was Kobenhavn, a smart bar which was pleasant enough and another decent drink. Final beer was in Meandering Bear which was basically full of everyone off the coach getting one (or two in some cases) beers in. As soon as I saw several people getting there seconds in I necked mine and dashed to the chip shop next door.

The journey back was quick and I rounded the day off with another drink in Walsall Wetherspoons.

An epic day. Get Halifax back in The Football League please.

Chase Line Beers Once Again.

As you are aware I’ve spent most Sundays since March recording The Long & Shot Of It podcast with Sean and Sammy either in Walsall or Tamworth, alternating between the two for each episode. Tamworth involves the not exactly punctual 11.07 am train from Walsall with a very brief window to negotiate that bridge at Rugeley Trent Valley before catching the the train to Tamworth.

We recently finished series one so how did I spend my first Sunday off? Of course I was on the 11.07 train from Walsall, back on the Chase Line but this time only as far as Cannock. It was a late decision to go to Canock, my previous plans collapsed and when I saw that Tony, landlord of Newhall Arms had a cloudy sour lemonade IPA on I thought I need to try that. I summonsed my great mate “Comedy” Dave who lives that way and it was game on.

I went to Linford Arms first, the local Wetherspoons. Service was quick and friendly with plenty of seats available so all good so far. Comedy arrived and we had a really great chat, mostly about me which is one of my favourite topics for discussion.

We moved onto Newhall Arms. The music was good, ale excellent and barmaid friendly. More discussions, and I’m not sure how we got onto it but Dave asked if I’ve had passion fruit. I replied yes but apparently it doesn’t count when it is in cider form. The last pint here was the lemonade IPA which was really good. It was worth the trip over to sample it. After a very decent hour and half or so, a large amount of which it took me to eat a packet of crisps much to Comedy’s disgust we departed. Dave headed off and I went for a pre train pint in The Arcade.

Wise words in Newhall Arms.
Probably my favourite picture of Comedy, without me in it.
Normal service resumed.
The mirror could do with being a bit lower in Newhall.

Again there was a friendly welcome from the barman although he went down in my estimation a bit when asked who performed Common People which was playing and he didn’t know. There was no option for me to offer the answer like on Bullseye which was disappointing. There is a good range of beer in here but also Scotch Eggs, including a balti variety which I’ve never seen before. I wanted to try one but I was far too excited.

I took a seat, and Enola Gay by OMD came on. I pondered going back to the bar to see if the pop quiz was still on but I couldn’t be arsed. There is now a retro gaming machine in there and once vacant I started to check out the games on it. This was to prove a bit too distracting as the next time I checked my phone my train was in 6 minutes.

I like the “please do not eat” label. Must have known I was coming.

6 minutes? I can make that. I necked my drink and departed. Of course I hadn’t factored in that the train to Walsall is the other side of the bridge, plus there is that very long upward ramp to get to the platform. The train was pulling in. I had no choice. Run. I don’t run very often. The last time I think was about 3 years ago when I was chasing my then work colleague Giggsy round the office with a breakfast sandwich while singing “Gavin would you like some sausage?”. You will have needed to see the epic but somewhat bizarre comedy film Freddy Got Fingered to get that reference.

Anyway it felt like running up the travelator at the end of the assault course on 90’s tv show Gladiators. As I neared the top of the ramp a passing lady said “go on, you can do it”. I know not if she was offering genuine encouragement or taking the piss but if it was the latter I would have been disappointed that she didn’t go the whole hog and start humming the Chariots Of Fire theme. With all the people about it could have turned into a right rendition. Everyone loves a impromptu flash mob song.

Anyway I thanked her, took it as encouragement and made the train. Unlike at the top of the travelator there wasn’t a rope for me to swing onto the train. Shame as that would have looked cool. I’m so unfit and spent until the next station Landywood gasping for air. I had to alight here as the next port of call Andys’ Ale House in Great Wyrley was to be visited. I was here for its opening night but sad to say I’ve only been back once which is poor on my behalf. I struggled to find it initially which in a way was good as I’d got my breath back when I finally walked in.

Great micro pub is this, run I believe by two fellow Walsall FC fans both called Andy. Every Sunday they do a cheeseboard which I’ve really wanted to do and what timing as I got to sample Double Gloucester and something called Charcoal Cheddar for the first time. Both superb as was the beer.

I caught the next train and when back in Walsall I visited The Watering Trough and Walsall Arms to break up the arduous walk home.

Another cracking day.

A Tale Of Two Re-ticks.

You know the rules, when a boozer changes its name or has a big refurb it has to be re-ticked and there are two that are currently eligible.

The Met. (Or Bar 10 or The Wharf Bar).

I meant to do gardening after work on Wednesday but as I departed I felt rain. Well I aint using a lawnmower while it’s of a damp nature so I opted to go to The Light Cinema to watch the current Jennifer Lawrence flick No Hard Feelings. It was decent enough but upon leaving it was too early to go home and I was kinda thirsty so I went to The Met.

My last visit here was around Covid times where we were shouted at twice upon entry and were served crap expensive lager in plastic glasses so this place has been off my radar for a while.

It shut in April and was closed for two months which surprised me as it’s not the biggest of buildings so I was eager t see what had been done. Well it’s different. The bar and toilets are in the same place but that’s where the similarities end.

It’s now very much a sports bar with an American feel. The sign for the toilets saying restrooms was pushing this theme a bit much for my liking though. Service was quick and friendly with Madri in a proper glass coming in at £4.90.

There is a retro gaming machine, table football, a couple of gamblers and 2 pool tables. Those booths on the canal side are now gone so it feels a lot more open plan. There were a few people in for a rainy Wednesday evening and the mood was relaxed.

The biggest change is in the toilets. The layout is totally different. The trough has been replaced by individual urinals and the cubicles have moved too with the added bonus of now having doors that fit so when you have a poo there is no longer a gap between frame and door for delighted passing voyeurs to glance into. One cubicle door is adorned with the Gazza crying in 1990 picture with the other one sporting that picture of the female tennis player scratching her bare arse, a picture I was on about only last weekend saying how I’d like a game of tennis one day and to recreate that. The other difference in the toilets is that they no longer smell like a giraffe house (reference nicked from an old guy in The White Lion years ago).

The bouncer on the door was friendly too. He greeted me warmly on the way in asking if he looked good in the picture that I took. I assured him that he did. He was friendly on my way out too. This place has clearly had money and some thought put into it. I wish them well and I’ll certainly not be a stranger. But at that moment in my life I needed a Thatchers Cloudy Cider so I ran up to The Oak Inn.

The second re-tick was going to be Room 112 which has recently changed its name from Flying Tiger Bar but it spent most of its life as Bar NV. Unfortunately the two times I visited this week it has been closed, hopefully not permanently.

For the 2nd blog running “denied”.

The County – Willenhall.

This pub has just reopened after a major refurbishment and from the outside you immediately see the difference. The tired old signage has gone and new elegant ones have gone up and the building looks so much better.

It just looks great.

The two old style doors as you enter have been retained which is nice as I like those and it was nice to see on entry that walls have been kept too. I like it when pubs keep their individual original rooms rather than going fully open plan.

The music on entry was Valerie and it was the proper version by The Zutons which just doesn’t get played enough. This was followed by Arctic Monkeys Mardy Bum and Libertines Don’t Look Back Into The Sun. An excellent start. Carling is£2.90 a pint which is decent these days but there isn’t any real ale pulls.

Both rooms were busy and it was a really good vibe. The indie disco gave way to a singer who started with Oasis then threw in Kings Of Leon plus Angels by Robbie Williams. I’ve been very lucky with regards to Angels as I have rarely heard it being sung on karaoke over the years so I was happy to hear it. Also people were joining in and it reminded me of the end of Early Doors which is always good.

I popped into the beer garden which I had no idea was there but there was a bit of a windchill so I headed back inside.

They have done a great job of this refurb. The place looks good and it was nice to see a few people in. I look forward to going back.

A Great Day In Great Barr.

Back in 2021 when Covid restrictions were at their oddest I arranged to meet Sharon and Kina, the two ladies outside family that I have known the longest in my life at The Cat And Fiddle in Great Barr. At the time you could only venture into pubs to have a toilet along with table service and ordering drinks via text message and whatever other rules Boris plucked randomly from the Downing Street suggestion/let’s see if the public do this box. I messaged the pub to reserve a table. Turns out the Saturday I chose was going to be Monsoon Season and the pub called back to say they were not going to open. “We’ll reschedule soon” went into the Facebook chat.

Fast forward 24 months. Towards the end of last season my mate Andy who I sit by at Walsall FC home games suggested a close season pub crawl of Great Barr. Excellent idea. I’ll get the ladies along and it would be nice to see Andy during close season and have a catch up especially as I didn’t see much of him at the last few matches due to how much time I spent in the bar.

So it happened last Saturday. I got up somewhat later than planned but then marched int town with one thing on my mind. A sausage & egg sandwich from the red van at the bottom of the market. Got there and no red van. Talk about a Wayne’s World style “denied”. However I know there is a chip shop by The Cat & Fiddle as I was going to review it on that Saturday in 2021. We have a Chaplain at work who comes around every week asking if we need a prayer. Now I did. Please Lord, let that chip shop be open.

As I ambled to the bus station a busker was in full voice belting out a Buddy Holly classic. It might be Raining In Your Heart fella but it’s now absolutely pissing it down in my stomach due to that lack of sausage and egg.

I sometimes catch the 934 bus from town to by my house but this was the first time I’ve gone beyond that point on it. It’s a most picturesque route and the driver was not messing around. I know not if he was on a promise back at the depot or just aware that I needed food but he got us to The Cat & Fiddle in no time at all.

It was too hot for chips so I opted just for a scallop and jumbo sausage. I headed outside to start munching and loitered around by a parked car to do so. A fine looking lady departed a beauty salon along the row and advanced towards me just as I was putting the sausage in my mouth. We didn’t make eye contact. She didn’t request my number.

Kina and Sharon were already in The Cat and the former rushed off to get me a pint while I exchanged pleasantries with the latter. My only previous visit to this boozer was on Pub Challenge 1 back in 2011. The room we were in had Walsall FC representation both on the wall and with the Saddlers supporting lass that was serving. She was lovely and rightfully won “Barmaid Of The Challenge”. She didn’t win this just because of being a Saddler but it did glean her bonus points that not many of her competitors got.

Anyway the pub has recently been re-furbed, the rooms knocked into one and now family friendly. Very Greene Kingy was my assessment. Andy arrived and told of how when the pub re-opened they had an ABBA tribute act on, featuring just 2 people. I queried which two members were represented and he confirmed it was the two ladies. Imagine the outrage had it been the blokes. Had I been there and they’d performed “Under Attack” they’d have soon had a third member up there with them belting it out. The lasses would no doubt have then sang “Give Me Give Me Give Me This Man Before Midnight”.

We moved onto The Old Horns. No outside seating was spare at The Cat but here we had some and it was gratefully received. Face painting was apparently available here which I was urged to partake in. I declined for a variety of reasons (a) I’m a miserable sod and actually no, that’s the sole reason. I declined this service at Josh’s wedding do (with much more urging) where I was one of the best men so if I’m not doing it when on official duty it certainly aint happening on a normal day.

Me and Andy.
Kina, me and Shaz.

We moved onto another pub which I’ll report on in a later edition then went to The Beeches. Again outside seating with astro turf to cushion our walk to a table where the previous occupants had left a can of Lynx in a half drank pint of Carling.

I want the back story.

There was a massive screen showing crickets and what looked like a sizeable old style toilet block now converted into seating. Andy’s mate Matt and his son Dennis joined us. They are both Sheffield Wednesday fans. I don’t know if they hail from that city but I like Sheffield people and these were top lads so I’m guessing they were.

Condiments in The Beeches. I have an empty Welsh dresser and probably as many bottles of sauce in my pantry. I might recreate this.

I tried to make some notes and picked up Shaz’s phone by mistake. Surprisingly it wouldn’t accept my passcode and after a few attempts I put it down and shrieked “my phone’s been hacked”. Very dramatic of me as per usual. Kina asked “why were you trying to unlock Sharon’s phone?” I sheepishly reached into my pocked to find my phone.

Andy and I made one last port of call The Scott Arms where there was the major highlight of a big pack of Quavers. I’ve not had these for yonks and regular readers will know of my battles to try and get these out of the Bescot Bar vending machine.

A band was starting up and the first song was The Smiths classic Panic. “Panic on the streets of London. Panic on the streets of Birmingham as unknown strangers startles local lass with his jumbo sausage”. They also performed Turning Japanese and All Day And All Of The Night which is an absolute classic but the combination of booze and no chips had me feeling like I had been drinking that long. I had one more for the road and then timed my run to the 51 bus to perfection. Another speedy journey and I was home in no time. Another superb day, cheers all.

We Hope It’s Chips, It’s Chips vol 2.

I’ve been off reviewing Walsall chip shops again as I’m finding it increasingly moreish. Here’s 4 more for your delectation.

Carol’s Chippy, 125 Franchise Street, Darlaston, Walsall.

There is a tradition in our family that dates back centuries. The weekend before your 49th birthday, you have to demolish fish and chips. Eager to keep my forefathers happy I left work at the Manor Hospital and headed for the conveniently located 39 bus stop. Said bus arrived shortly afterwards and before long I was in Darlaston and heading to a chip shop that I was a regular at when working nearby in the 1990’s.

As I approached the shop Andy Bush on Absolute Radio announced that The Clash would be on next, now as much as I like that band, I was peckish and didn’t want to wait around listening to whatever song it would be and as there was no queue I headed in. There is choice in this place. My God there is choice. Signs in the window. 3 TV screens with menus are inside and most of the remaining wall space has other menus or food pictures. I opted for the £6.60 medium cod box. Fish, chips and choice of sauce (gravy of course as it’s the law.

I must learn how to take a straight photograph.

Service was quick and to my surprise the box was sealed with strips of sellotape. That’s never happened before but it must be a common part of the service as there was two tape dispensers on the counter.

By the time I’d got served, found a suitable wall for photo taking purposes, broken the sellotape, taken the picture and put my headphones back on I’d missed The Clash. With the two pubs on Franchise Street both now departed there was nothing to loiter around for so I ate as I walked. Trying to balance the box, eat and not spill any of the gravy in the very full pot made it feel a bit like It’s A Knockout as I ambled along but the food was epic. Really good. Chips divine and fish bang on.

That fish though. “You’re gonna need a bigger box”.

A successful visit although it was sad that Carol wasn’t behind the counter but it has been 25 years since I last went in so she may have sold up. I got my fix of The Clash by playing Bankrobber when I got home.

Copper Fish, 1 Leamore Lane, Leamore Lane, Lemore, Walsall.

There is a tradition in our family that dates back centuries. The weekend after your 49th birthday you have to demolish fish and chips etc etc. Another straight from work jobbie this time jumping on the 32 to Leamore. The 31 was also in but I don’t like odd numbers so I ignored that one.

I met Dave by Farmfoods and we strolled over. I sent him in to the shop first to distract the staff whist I took a picture of the place. All good. There was a sign in the window proclaiming “We serve kebabs that you can trust”. I don’t have trust issues especially with food so there was no need to deviate away from plan A which was fish and chips.

I’d tried to do a bit of research about the menu earlier in the day but the most recent post on their Facebook was about The Queen dying. Now I’m a massive Royalist but even I was thinking “come on, it’s been months now. Let it go and post something about chips”. So I had no clues to the menu as I headed over but it’s a chip shop, so I knew I was on safe ground.

They do curry sauce and Chinese curry sauce which was exciting as you normally only get one option, but it wasn’t exciting enough to tempt me away from the gravy. I scanned the menu in search of material to write about and as I did that I missed the start of the conversation of the old lady next to me. I’m not an eavesdropper but I tuned in to the second part of her chat which was about how she always counts her chicken nuggets in McDonalds as she usually only gets 17 or 18 instead of the 20 ordered. Is Hamburglar now targeting nuggets instead of Ronald’s beef goodness? Either way it sounds like this lady needs to stick to kebabs that she can trust.

Service was quick and very friendly. The package was quite hefty which made me glad I’d done a manual handling refresher course at work the previous week. The total was £10.80. The bundle was wrapped in 4 sheets of paper which brought back happy memories of playing Pass The Parcel as an 8 year old. Chips were ok but the fish was really good. Nice first visit to the place this one.

Sandbank Fish Bar, 95A Elmore Green Road, Bloxwich.

It was National Fish & Chip Day. Well, it had to be done. Rob Harvey picked me up and off we set. Another first time visit this one so it was all very exciting.

See, I can look happy occasionally.

Service was quick and the young lady serving was very friendly, enquiring about my day. I explained about it being National Fish & Chip Day and she said it was always that day when she was working. Good point. Me and Rob both had fish and chips but he caused outrage on my behalf by ordering a portion of mushrooms.

The fish and chips were both freshly cooked for us. Rob requested extra salt on his so the lady mentioned that she had marked mine with a star so I knew which was which. I liked this. I’ve not received a star since my school days. Actually that’s fake news. I was crap at school (no O levels Evo they call me), and I don’t recall ever earning a star at either of the shit holes I went to.

Anyway I digress. A comment on the one blackboard read “Keep calm and order fish & chips”. Box ticked. There is a small tv to keep you entertained but I couldn’t tell you what programme was being shown. There is also one chair so lads, let the missus sit and earn some gentleman points.

Our fishes were wrapped separately to the chips which was something I’ve not encountered before but we were soon sat on the car park to the side with the doors open and the sun smiling down on us. It was a big portion and I had to leave some chips but it was a very good visit, especially as Rob paid for my food.

Mmmmmmmmm cheers Rob.

We timed it well as by the time we had finished eating, the shutter had gone down on the shop. A very successful mission.

Chipmasters, 166 Wolverhampton Road, Walsall.

What do normal people do on the hottest day of the year so far? Go for a nice amble in country? Pub beer garden with friends? Or sit on sweltering buses in search of hot fried potato strips? Yeah I chose the latter. First up was Middleton’s in Darlaston but it was closed and not looking like it was reopening anytime soon. So back on the bus, I spent a great hour in the Central Library writing my new project whilst considering my options and when that place closed it was onto the 529.

The man in Chipmasters was very friendly and welcoming and he was regaling the other customer with anecdotes as I mooched around. First thing that caught my eye was a sign on the far end of the counter advising that due to current guidelines customers were requested not to stand by the counter. Trouble is you had to stand by the counter to read this. Another sign advised that carrier bags are 10p each which I’ve never known in a chippie before. 2 signs advised of a long established chip shop in Darlaston that was up for sale due to ill health. Middletons maybe?

The menu was pretty standard but included battered beef burgers which I’ve not heard off before and something I’m not sure I can cope with. The man serving took my order, called me Sir which was nice and explained it would be an 8 minute wait which I was more than happy with.

The food didn’t take long and as he wrapped it the man apologised for the delay but assured me that I knew it was fresh. He also explained that they don’t cook much fish in advance nowadays due to the cost of it and concerns that it won’t sell which is a very sad state of affairs. He did say that the mini fish has become very popular so they do have some of those ready to go.

I’ve got t be honest, I couldn’t really afford this mission yesterday but I was so keen to get a blog out that I went ahead with it. No gravy this time though to save money and I turned down a carrier bag. Aint paying 10p for one of those when I am under emergency tax wage restrictions.

I left, the storm was just beginning and I sat in the bus stop as thunder and lightning occurred. The chips were superb. Lightly battered, with those bits in the bottom and the fish was glorious. A great visit this, and the man serving was so good with his customer interaction I want to go back for more.