Evo Boozy Scribbler

On October 1st last year I went to Hednesford for a blog “research” night with Dean Neville. It was a good evening but on the way home I lost my phone, and with it all my notes and photographs. So it was decided that we would have to do it again. It’s taken nearly a year but it’s finally happened.

I first met Dean around 20 years ago when he joined Steve Stuart and I in travelling up to Manchester to represent Walsall FC on the ITV Sport Channel quiz show Do I Not Know That? Dean was epic on that, knowing the Italian team known as The Flying Donkeys was Chievo where as I got Burnley and Barnsley mixed up. And we lost that show by one point to eventual series champions Leicester City by 1 point. I still blame myself. If VAR was around in those days I’d have claimed that they misunderstood my accent and had them look into it.

Deano is a top lad and along with our mutual love for Walsall FC we are also bonded by a fondness for the songs Story Of the Blues (Mighty Wah), Another Nail In My Heat (Squeeze) and Red Light Spells Danger (Billy Ocean) so it’s always good to see him. He is also known for shouting “yooooou bastard referee” at Walsall games.

It was a week last Friday, the day after our beloved Queen died. I was still in a sombre mood but there was beer to be drunk and I’d been looking forward to it all day. I arrived early in the hope of getting a pint in The Bridge. I’d heard that planning permission had been granted to turn it into a coffee house so I was praying it was still open.

En route I got the odd incident of the day safely under my belt. A lad passed and as he did he enquired “mate, is your head cold?”. I confirmed that it wasn’t and also that it isn’t Winter. He said that his was and he carried on with his journey. And so did I.

As I approached the island the pub sits on I noticed a big metal storage unit outside and it didn’t appear to have any lights on. Deducing that it had already closed I turned my warm head and walked back.

Dean arrived and we set off to the first venue. The Queen was the first topic of discussion. Whilst I’m a massive Royalist it’s fair to say that Dean certainly isn’t but he was respectful so all was good. I then moved onto my aims for the night and he mentioned that he thought The Hen House had closed down. This panicked me. My 5 pub crawl was now going to be 3 and my picture with the seafood seller man which happened last time would not be repeated. I crossed everything and hoped he’d mis-heard.

First port of call was Kraftt, a modern feeling bar in a former shop unit. The Song Of the Night Award was clearly in no mood to hang around with the epic Baby Fratelli by The Fratellis coming on as we approached the bar and no other tune that night came close to topping this. There was no ale on less than 5% with a epic sounding New Invention Brewery stout at 5.6% available. Now I needed a drink after the previous day’s news but it was a bit early for that. Last pint of the night and I’d have been all over it. We both opted for a 4% rhubarb cider.

Along with ales, and gins this place also does a selection of cakes. On the last visit I had a lemon meringue one but I’m probably still trying to burn off the calories from that one so I gave it a miss this time.

It was a pleasant pint. I like this place and the standout feature is a clock so big it should have a person sat either side of it trying to form words from a selection of 9 vowels and consonants. The clock however loses points because the 4 is represented as IIII and not IV which always makes me cross.

As we walked to the next place I spotted a bar in another unit. It has two signs Indian Smokehouse and Peri Peri Pizza. Dean said it was a food place but you could also sit in there and drink and there is usually some Walsall fans in. I was sold and in we headed.

It was very lively in there. A French football match was on the big screens which people were getting into and there were 2 Walsall fans I know in there. Hi Dan and Sam.

After a very enjoyable pint it was time to see if The Hen House was open. Well it was but none of the exterior lights were on. It was like they knew we were coming and wanted to throw us off the scent. The seafood man turned up while I was taking the obligatory photo. Suddenly everything was falling into place.

Dean got the beers in and I got my photo with the seafood man. To thank him I purchased a packet of prawns (with added vinegar naturally). As I stood there eating them I got a smile off a lass. So that’s the secret then? Next time I go clubbing I’m taking prawns with me, and smuggling in a bottle of Sarson’s. On the way out we noticed the outside was now lit up. Bit odd.

Heddin’s Ford for me is the stand out pub of Hednesford. Located in a former bank and run by Kez who used to work at The Fountain in Walsall. The welcome was friendly as is standard and the beer was in top form so we stayed for two. This place is nicely decked out with nods to Highgate Brewery earning bonus points. I learned in here that The Bridge Inn is still open and the storage unit outside has been there for 18 months. Oh well.

The toilet here is class. A small room with a proper toilet and a urinal with nothing to separate them. Ideal if you have some gossip you can only tell one friend. Lock the door, decide who is having a shit and who is having a piss then spill the beans. Everybody’s happy.

During the second pint we were joined by Jake Kimberley. Kimo had been to the gym so had more than earned a beer. I am thinking about joining a gym but it will have to be when money and time allows. So not imminent in either case.

It’s always a wrench to leave the Heddin’s Ford but with time moving on it was Wetherspoons time. Set in a very grand looking building, and right by the train station Hedgeford Lodge is perfect for that last cheap pint and piss before the train home.

With Kimbo now with us we needed a new team photo. I scanned for who was going to take it and opted for a bloke just heading to the bar but he looked round and gave me evils so I opted to try a selfie and it worked.

As is the norm with Wetherspoons the toilets are upstairs but there are a couple of small rooms to negotiate too, and I always get lost and this was no exception. I didn’t take a wrong turn for once but did have to look round whilst keeping walking. I didn’t want to stop and look like a tourist in Leicester Square.

Train time arrived so we bid farewell to Kimbo and headed to the platform. With work the following morning I decided to be good and head home upon arriving back in Walsall. And I’m delighted to say that my phone made it back this time.

On Saturday it was a Friends Of Highgate Brewery coach trip to Thornbridge Brewery. The stomach needed lining and I’m pleased to say that after last week’s blog announcement about going off full English breakfasts, I’m now back on them. I headed to the Brewers Fayre for the all you could eat jobbie. I wasn’t overly hungry but with the clock ticking I liked the idea of everything I wanted being already cooked and I could just grab what I fancied. I only went up once but the bacon was bang on and really warranted a second sampling but I was good.

The coffee machine threw a mard when I tried to obtain a latte and suddenly threw out plumes of steam, making me think I was on Stars In Their Eyes, I nearly belted out a bit of Shirley Bassey but a member of staff came rushing over. the machine was out of milk so he put this right and I soon had my coffee.

Before departing I popped to the loo, pushed the cubicle door open and the sight that greeted me immediately reminded me of that scene in The Young Ones when they are on the train to University Challenge and Vyvyan announces “I’m off to put loads of paper down the toilet”. Obviously I took a picture but if I post it here it will be the cover picture for the blog and nobody wants that.

I made my way to the coach, and do you remember from the Coventry night blog, that I bailed on the last FOHB trip, to Milton Keynes when the coach was barely metres into its journey due to the lack of toilet? Lots of booze + weak bladder x no toilet on coach is a sum that I never want to work out but this time there was loo facilities on board. I was informed of this before I had even got all the way up the steps and I got lots of banter as I made my way along the coach which I loved.

I thought that after Thornbridge we were having a pub crawl of Bakewell but I quickly learned that it was in fact Buxton we were visiting. I’d done my pub research for Bakewell and bought along an additional “tart budget”. Fortunately Bob, one of the organisers had bought along maps and pub guides to Buxton so myself and coach buddy Martin Wall set about doing research.

The onboard raffle occurred, and I’m normally good on these and it proved again as I won 5th prize and opted for a set of Timothy Taylor posters rather than a book on trains. I don’t really have much room left in my house for wall decorations, some of the remaining space is earmarked for a poster about The KLF and a few more pictures of me but I’ll erect them somewhere.

We arrived at the brewery in good time. I’ve been to their first site at Thornbridge Hall a couple of times but this was my maiden voyage to the new place. The tap is massive. Think an aircraft hanger but with no planes and booze instead and you’re about right. It’s a really good set up there. Service was quick and friendly and there were a good range of ales available.

After a very pleasant 90 minutes (it’s not often a Walsall FC fan can say that) it was time to depart so I headed to the shop for a couple of souvenirs. I was taken by the socks but they were £10 a pair and my sock budget doesn’t stretch that far. I don’t mind spending good money on pants that nobody will ever see but I don’t splash out on socks that nobody will view. So I ploughed the sock and Bakewell Tart budget into a few bottles of ale.

I will go back to Thornbridge and hopefully stay longer but if you’ve not been I really recommend it. If you want someone to come along and hold your hand, just shout up.

We arrived at Buxton and I teamed up with Ade and Dan who were heading as far from the coach as the guides we had allowed and then working their way back. First pub was Old Sun Inn, this was dimly lit and I gave too much coinage for my pint which the barmaid happily refunded. The music was excellent in here with the REM classic “It’s The End Of the World As We Know it” playing as we found our table and it was followed up with Blondie, The Clash and The Jam. This is the good music pub of Buxton.

Cheshire Cheese was next. The guide said it was a Greene King pub but a range of Titanic beers greeted us, which was nice. I went for Steerage. The sign outside had 4 bullet points on it one of which was “Enthusiasm for proper pubs”. Although knowing me it could have said “Enthusiasm for shit pubs” and I’ve have still been clammering to get it in.

The barman in The Swan was a top lad and he liked me as I agreed that cash is king while Dan was struggling as his £4 pint was below the card payment minimum amount. He then found some notes and everyone was happy. They have a meat raffle in here and I still haven’t taken part in one. Someone in Walsall please get a meat raffle in your pub. You have guaranteed customer from me on draw day.

The Queens Head was the me pub of the day. A pinball machine and two quiz machines are in here. The two Pointless jackpots amounted to over £11 so I had a quick go on the one with the higher purse only to crash and burn due to my lack of Championship mascots from 2012 knowledge.

The Kings Head was very busy but I liked the feel of the place. It was like someone had been to several Marstons pubs for inspiration then mashed it up with input from The Hosghead in Wolverhampton.

The Old Club House had tables either half full or reserved so we had to stand but when I went exploring I found a side room which I assume was for diners that had just two people in it. I wanted to ask if we could sit in there but I was scared so I didn’t.

Last visit of the day was to The Old Courthouse. Upon arrival I needed a piss and a pint (I’d stuck too halves all the way round the crawl) but I saw a tent selling food. Not one pub we’d been in had sold cobs. Sorry toilet and bar but I need grub. A well received £3.50 tray of fries later and the other two missions were ready to be completed.

It was a superb day out. The coach back was interesting as it made its way down narrow twisty roads and passed desolate moors but we were soon back in Walsall.

Martin and I had a couple in Wetherspoons and I headed home via the Walsall Arms to break up the journey. The problem I had here is the little short cut that I use to get to said pub now has a chain across the car park. Not normally a problem but by now I wasn’t at my most sober and the carrier bag containing the Thornbridge bottles was close to splitting so I was having to hold it clutched to my chest, like how Rizzo in Grease holds her books whilst singing “There Are Worse Things I Could Do”. I had a couple of goes at negotiating the chain but I couldn’t get my leg over. I had to sit on the partially demolished wall next to it and ease myself over. It felt like I was on It’s A Knockout but without a leaking bucket of water to protect it was lovely booze instead. I expected someone to turn up and start throwing wet sponges.

Anyway I made it to the pub and had one last pint to round off a great day. The carrier back survived the final part of the journey and on Tuesday I went to Mozzas and bought a Bakewell Tart which I demolished when I got home.

At the risk of sounding like an absolute food heathen, I’ve kind of gone off the full English breakfast of late. However I woke up on Bank Holiday Monday craving one like I’d given them up for Lent and it was now Easter Saturday. A quick inventory of my food supplies revealed I had the ingredients for an egg sandwich with a side salad of baked beans. Oh and a mug of tea. I always have the ingredients for a mug of tea, and beans of course.

I was heading to Pelsall on the afternoon but couldn’t do this on just an egg sandwich so off to Saint Matthews Hall it was. My normal Wetherspoons breakfast of choice is the Eggs Benedict but again this wasn’t cutting the mustard this time so it was the large breakfast with the free refillable mug of tea. It costs just over £7 but with the current climate I’m guessing that most of this cost was the two small packs of Lurpack.

The highly sought after odd incident of the day didn’t take long to occur. A man walked up to my table, clutched the chair opposite me and asked “is anyone sitting here?” I said “no” and down he sat despite numerous other tables being vacant, and I was still eating. It’s not the first time that this has happened but at least this guy asked. I pondered as I ate. Do people see me and think that I look like I’d be good company, only to plonk themselves down and find out that I’m really not? Anyway I finished my meal, refilled my mug and sat down at the vacant table behind where I’d been sitting.

I’m no stranger to Pelsall. We used to go there all the time as kids because my parents best friends Mike and Mavis Thacker lived there, and I still remember them fondly whenever I go there nowadays. The no 8 bus was on time and off we set. The timetable had said the stop was adj The Fingerpost which I assumed was the pub not the actual sign but it turned right before the road the pub sits on and dropped me off in what could best be described as a small clearing in a long hedge. Still it was a nice day and I enjoyed my walk back.

Absolutely no issue with being served here as the barman asked what I wanted before I’d got near the bar. I quickly glanced at the options and then a Breakspear Gold was coming my way. As I made my way outside “Reach” by S Club 7 came on.

I love the outside section of this pub. I find a pint next to water just so relaxing and as nobody else was about it was a nice quiet time to myself and I was able to collect my thoughts after a busy couple of weeks. In the Ozzy Osbourne song “Dreamer” he sings “if only we call all just find serenity”. Well this is where I find it. I really should come more often. Especially as I now know where to get off the bus.

I headed back inside and opted for a Kingstone Press Wild Berries cider. The barmaid asked for £4 which I happily handed over but just as I was about to walk away she called me and said she’d made a mistake, forgotten it was happy hour and gave me 40p back which she really didn’t have to do so I was pleased with that. I sat on a nice settee and relaxed once more. Then another S Club song came on, this time “Don’t Stop Moving”. Got to love a pub that plays happy music. Clearly there aint no party like a Fingerpost party. I’d have stayed but there were other pubs to visit.

As I walked to the Old House At Home the sun came out and a rare good mood washed over me. So much so that I started singing “Reach”, quite loudly although I calmed it down as people approached.

The Old House At Home is a Marstons very foody pub and not really my cup of tea but it also serves booze so I’ll always pop in. The food though smelt amazing so I perused the menu. I find the menus in pubs a bit meh but this one had things on it that grabbed my attention but the thought of the cauliflower and red pepper curry had my ready to go and retch all over the car park.

I really wanted the Sicilia Lemon Muffin Cheesecake. I know that there are now shops that sell just desserts but I wasn’t sure about the etiquette of ordering just one in a pub. I’ll go back one day and order this along with a starter and main just to be sociable.

Next up was The Queens. This is the me pub of Pelsall. My local should I ever move to Pelsall. I’ve only ever sat in the front section but this time I had a bit of time to explorse and I found a superb outdoor section at the rear. It was ace. I sat there for a while then ventured inside to a previously undetected panelled room which I also utilised. I eventually moved back into the front part and was treated to some excellent 80’s music in the form of Belinda Carlise and Curiosity Killed The Cat. This was a great visit.

Last pub of the day was the railway. They had a beer festival on and live music which my mates H and Al were performing in with their band Hal. While they were setting up my mate Mark turned up. It was good to see him and we had a catch up. Despite being very close at Walsall games we don’t really get to talk as there are normally 3 or 4 people in between us plus the other problem of him spending the 90 minutes watching the game while I spend most of it in the bar.

Hal performed some great covers and the sizeable turn out enjoyed it. The only fly sorry wasp in the ointment being one of those appearing right in front of me. I’m not scared of wasps as most people think, I just don’t like them. It moved onto the lass next to me who couldn’t have given less of a shit about its presence. I was jealous.

With my alcohol levels rising and wary that it was back to work tomorrow I headed back to town for one last pint and a bit of food. It was off to Blue Ginger on Bridge Street. Earlier in the day the owner Mo had sent me a message saying it was his last day there. Well I had to go and say goodbye. He is always so welcoming and upon my first visit, after just two Facebook messages he recognised me as I walked in and addressed me by my name. Anyway we are used to a departure from Walsall just before the transfer window closes but I wasn’t expecting this. He is looking to open a new place in Shropshire and I wish him well. I had a Nargis Kebab and a kind of cheesy chicken tikka dish which were both ace as was the pint of lager.

Anyway it was a class day. Pelsall I shall be back, don’t eat all the cheesecake.

Yesterday, a lot of people I’m guessing woke up feeling fine, having got Walsall FC on their minds. I on the other hand work up an hour later than I wanted (10am), bursting for the loo and with the UK’s 1995 Eurovision Song Contest entry “Love City Groove” stuck in my head as Craig and myself had been discussing it in The Registry the night before, and I don’t know how it cropped up in conversation.

The plan had been to pop to town to renew my passport and then head to Brewers Fayre to demolish the all you can eat breakfast which I’ve not done for many years. I played the Motive by Then Jerico on You Tube whilst ironing my t-shirt to try and shift Love City Groove (it worked) but by the time I was ready to leave the house it was only time for a quick breakfast in Jack & Ada’s as I had to to be on a bus to Wednesfield as the Walsall and Wolverhampton branches of CAMRA were having a joint social round there.

After an arduous two bus journey I was in The Royal Tiger, the Wednesfield Wetherspoons. The beer choice was a bit meh so I had the Ruddles as it was the cheapest. I also needed refreshment after that journey so had a bottle of Hooch as well, something I’ve had only once previously and had nothing but disdain for people who drank it in the 90’s. I will admit now though that it is nice.

I joined the lovely Amanda from Wolverhampton CAMRA. She apologised for the lack of turn out from her branch (just her), I apologised for the lack of turn out from my branch (just me) and we got down to drinking. Amanda had bought three 3 friends along though Keith, Simone and Helen who were to be good company.

I was still peckish, having eaten far less than I had planned too and I was just eyeing up the ham, eggs and chips which was on special offer when Amanda announced that we were moving on.

Our next port of call was The Dog & Partridge. A sign on the door advised “no large groups” which I’ll certainly bear in mind if I’m ever that way with my bevy of beauties. In here it was Hobgoblin Gold and a £1 ham cob which was epic. There was a decent discussion about Tupperware, and whilst I own a piece or two of this I really didn’t have an anecdote that I could contribute. As the conversation moved on Simone, clearly still influenced by the prior conversation started a story with “at a Tupperware, erm no Ann Summers party….”. Imagine getting those mixed up for real. Heading out to buy something to store your salad in and coming back with a sexy white bra and pants set. Your lettuce might be limp the next day but your boyfriends willy wouldn’t be.

Amanda told how she was proud of me, having in her words “bullied me into joining CAMRA and that I was now Walsall Branch Chairman”. She was less impressed later when I mentioned that I’m stepping down from that role and have only 1 branch meeting left

Next up was The Vine. A superb pub run by Black Country Ales. They had my favourite ale Salopian “Lemon Dream” on. They also got my peanut order right (dry roasted every time) unlike a pub in Darlaston last week, which I didn’t notice until having a mouthful. Devastating times.

The first discussion in here was about motorbikes which again I couldn’t contribute too although my mind drifted back to when 11 year old me and my friend Nitesh used to ride around his garden on my bike pretending that we were Street Hawk. Although I stopped doing this on my 12th birthday as part of my strict growing up procedure.

We were in the quiet back room with only one other customer and were soon joined by a barmaid selling raffle tickets with the prize being a Wolves away shirt. It was left to Amanda to break the silence. “He supports Walsall, he supports Aston Villa.” The barmaid left us to it.

We were joined by John and Joanne, two local CAMRA branch members who were really nice but soon it was moving on time.

It was just Amanda and me who walked back down the High Street. It was time to visit The Angel. On pub challenge one when I said I was going to Wednesfield, 2 Wolverhampton based colleagues warned me not to go in The Angel. When people tell me that it makes me want to go in more. That night it was superb, everyone was friendly and I remember the barmaid apologising for the toilets but I cant remember why.

I thought I’d be doing this one on my own but Amanda said she’d join me, and she bought the round. I insisted on buying it but she ordered the barmaid “don’t let him pay”. My ex missus could learn a lot from her.

It was standing room only so we headed out back where there was a really nice grassed area, in the sun which was totally deserted. “They must be vampires round here” was Amanda’s thoughts. We had a very pleasant chat but then it was time to go our separate ways.

I had a little time to kill before my bus arrived and because the stop was right by The Vine, I popped back in. The Lemon Dream had gone so I had half of Strawberry Cider and enjoyed the playing of “Oblivious” by Aztec Camera which was song of the day by a good distance.

The no 9 bus was bang on time. It goes from Wednesfield to Walsall but via Bloxwich, Pelsall and Rushall. I’m sure it would sneak in Kent as well if petrol wasn’t so expensive. I got off in Bloxwich and left it to go on it’s long route back to town. I went in The Bell and then headed back to town.

I recently saw a post on Facebook from The Oak Inn that they now had Thatchers cider on but I hadn’t got round to going in so I did and was soon sat at the quiz machine with a cloudy lemon for company. I played Battleships and when you lose on this you get offered a bonus at the end, to entice you to play again. This time it was “same questions”. I’d got 1 right and crashed and burned on the second. Yeah, cheers for that. I politely declined.

I had a pint in The Registry then headed to Katz as the singer in the band they had on I’ve known for a long time but I was flagging so I grabbed the most expensive king prawn fried rice I’ve ever had (£6.20 from Lucky Star) jumped in a taxi and ate it whilst listening to Nick Abott on LBC.

Great day, always nice to do something different. Big thanks to Amanda and friends for the welcome. Next time though, I’m winning that meat raffle.

Yesterday was planned. Short overtime duty at work, do a couple of missions then straight on the pre-match booze. As I headed to Santander 3 lads approached. One pointed at me, laughed and announced “look, it’s him off The Simpsons”. I do love an odd incident and I really should have stopped to ascertain which character he meant. Hope it wasn’t Hans Moleman.

Anyway in the bank I paid some money into my savings account which I can assure you never happens. I’m expecting a letter in the next couple of days saying “there has been some very unusual activity on your account”.

Upon leaving the bank I switched to plan b. I was drained after leaving work so I sacked off the other mission and the booze and went home. I had a mossiv mug of tea and two hours in, sorry on bed instead.

I called a taxi and was soon headed to the ground. This driver unlike his counterpart in Solihull had heard of Walsall FC so no discussions were needed. In fact the driver didn’t speak other than to clarify destination and ask for his fare which I was more than happy with.

As I approached the turnstile Mase emerged out of a room that I hadn’t even noticed was there before. I was initially concerned thinking was it a medical treatment room, but it turned out to be where the free water station was. So I had me a pint of that. I’ll drink anything if it’s free.

I was in my seat not long after kick off and I was asked by people around me had I got suncream on my head. In my rush to leave the house I hadn’t given it a thought. Ross handed me a bottle of factor 50 and I got to work. Upon finishing I turned round to hand him the bottle back, and missed the goal. I duly added this to the list of bizarre reasons I have missed a goal.

Upon returning to my seat for the second half Jayne Mason kindly provided me with a hat so my head is fine this morning, both internally and externally.

Stevenage equalised in the 10th minute of 8 minutes stoppage time which was annoying as I though we’d just about ground out the win.

Back to the Bescot Bar and I ordered myself a Madri and Swill a Carling. I also decided to have a pie at a cost of £3.80. Once the card payment had gone through another member of staff piped up “oh, the pies have been reduced to a pound. Would you like 4?”. I wasn’t really feeling eating 4 pies but I do like a bargain and I was sure someone would help with eating them so I said yes. One of the main gripes of Walsall fans is pies running out before half time. I don’t know if the order had been duplicated this week but suddenly there was an outbreak of them. A lady appeared with boxes and boxes of them. I couldn’t tell if she was giving them away or selling them for a quid but suddenly I had competition for shifting my 4. Swill finally agreed to have one of the chicken balti ones whilst I tucked into the two steak ones.

All of a sudden there was a mass exodus. Had they stopped serving? Did they want to clear tables to make way for some more pies? Was Patsy Kensit outside? Stewards appeared and said we had to evacuate due to “an emergency”. Emergency or not, I wasn’t leaving my pint (even though I could see people walking out with theirs) so I downed it. I also didn’t know how long we would be waiting for a taxi so I dashed off for an emergency piss. This done I headed for the door only to be told they were letting everyone back in. I didn’t even get to enjoy the emergency outside. The shutters on the bar went back up and the beer flowed again. Swill tried to find out what the issue was and a suspicious package was mentioned. The only thing suspicious at Bescot yesterday was the stoppage time.

The bar closed so Swill and I grabbed a taxi to town. Upon arrival Swill couldn’t get the door open and had to ask the driver for advice. I just sat there humming the theme tune to The Crystal Maze which I’m sure he appreciated. Although I had struggled to even get in the cab to start with as the ledge to stand on was missing so I wasn’t really in a position to throw stones but when does that ever bother me?

We went to St Matthews Hall, the Walsall Wetherspoons and had a pleasant pint outside. I also ate the final balti pie while the staff weren’t looking. I remembered my trip to Evesham where I only had enough time left to grab chips or a final pint so I did both and was told off for eating the chips in the Wetherspoons.

We headed to Katz. Matt Stacky was outside with a few other Walsall fans. He gestured towards his crisps announcing “you can’t beat these massive bags of Monster Munch”. Those bags are all well and good until you buy a pack as I did before the Hartlepool game and nobody wants one and you have to eat them all yourself. Even as a crisps lover that is a big job.

The night was rounded off with a Madri or two in the Walsall Arms then it was back to bed with the fan on.

Decent day. The sun had certainly got his hat on, and I was glad to have one for the second half.

Hello. Apologies that this has gone a bit Star Warsy. Three instalments in quick succession then what feels like decades for the next one. Here are the next 5 reviews.

Y – Yaadgaar, Wednesbury Road. Walsall.

It was a Monday evening, I was peckish and heading to Wednesbury. The buses weren’t being overly helpful so I got one to the end of Pleck Road and walked round to this place. Really unsure of what wares would be available inside I did some homework (cue all my teachers falling off their chairs in shock at that statement), and I’d checked the menu online. I didn’t peruse it long. They do a fish finger wrap? How many takeaways do fish fingers? Motion carried, I was having me a bit of that.

A lady was placing an order as I strolled in. A second female joined us shortly afterwards and when customer no 1 was finished, lady no 2 went up. The server looked at her, glanced at me then looked back. The lady turned. I gave a sad looking face. “Oh, were you waiting?”. “Yes, but no problem. After you”. “No, you first” she insisted. So I did. To be fair, there was a problem. I was ordering fish fingers and was already looking like I would be late for the pub. This was not a time for messing around.

“Can I have the fish finger wrap and Terry’s Chocolate Orange milkshake please?” With the important part of the proceedings done it was time to look around for material. I saw a sign advising “red donner meat. The 1st in Walsall.” Quite a claim I thought. Whilst still looking around it was time for the 15-1 part where you get the quickfire questions.

“Do you want a meal?” “No”. “Do you want salad on it?” “No”. Do you want chilli sauce on it?” On fish fingers? I thought. I must remember to retch outside at the thought of this. “Do you have any Tartare Sauce?” I asked more in hope than expectation. “We have burger sauce. It’s similar”. “Go on then, thanks”. Final question was “sorry, did you want 3 milkshakes?” “Er, no. Just one will be fine.” I might have shit teeth but I’m not that desperate for Calcium.

It didn’t take long for my goodies to arrive, served by a lady who gave me a lovely smile.. The wrap was ace and the milkshake was really good.

It’s not often I walk past this place but I’m going back to try this red kebab meat and the Skittles milkshake next time.

Z – Zi’s Kebab, Pizza & Grill. Bradford Street. Walsall.

I’ve been in this place before. Most of us have but it’s unticked by me under it’s current name but it was formerly the legendary Kebab Ranch. Oh the memories. Superb curries and also fondly recalling the mid 90’s when Dominic Owen and myself would call in on the way back from the Wednesday night karaoke at Fibber McGee’s for large mixed kebab on naan bread.

I’d earmarked this for my Z tick right from the start but then a month or so in it closed down. They taunted me a few weeks later by leaving the shutters up for a couple of days but remaining closed. The one night as I trudged towards it from work it was open. I’d been looking forward to fish fingers all day, home cooked not from Yaargaard but now these were off the menu. I had to get this in just in case they changed their minds and closed again.

I was warmly greeted by the man serving but as I looked up at the menu he gestured towards it and barked “all those are out of date. Everything’s gone up”. I thought he might want to rectify that before the drunken argumentative Friday night crowd rock up.

I opted for the large kebab meat and chips which I think was a fiver. The food was okay but not on a par with the Kebab Ranch days with the man in his green overall with the iron mark on the back. I’m glad it’s back open though.

O – Oregano, Wolverhampton Road. Walsall.

Dave joined me on this visit but he couldn’t wait to tell them they were being reviewed for a blog. He was blabbing before he’d even got through the door. I mentioned to him afterwards that these things are usually done without the staff knowing.

This is a modern feeling pizza place with 35 standard choices available along with the usual create your own option. I wasn’t feeling particularly creative so I went for number 32 Chicken Supreme. Just chicken on there and no sign of vegetation, an even number too which always pleases me.

It was £12.99 for a 10 inch which I thought was a bit high but then he explained that this was the buy one get one free price. Dave suddenly went a bit odd and decided he didn’t want anything so the man did mine for the “standard” £6.99. I ordered the Ferrero Rocher milkshake but the man explained his sign menu display was out of date and went into a spiel about how it didn’t keep long, not many people ordered it but I quickly stopped listening and went into stand by mode as I contemplated that the ambassador would not be spoiling me.

This place is nice to visit. The wood fire stove takes pride of place behind the counter and it is very satisfying watching the flames while waiting for the food.

There are a couple of ornate benches like you see in parks although none of them have metal plaques on them like those ones usually do. If I shuffle off this Earth soon I’d quite like a plaque on one of the benches. “Evo Boozy Saddler. He loved pizza and this place, even though he only came once” would suffice.

The food arrived quickly and we headed for the 529. I used my belly and the frame of the bus stop to wedge the box into position as I tried to tug a slice free, but then the box started to cave in and the pizza started to slide. I rescued the situation, even making a panicky noise whilst doing so. I’m glad I saved the pizza. Had it gone on the floor and been rendered inedible I would have to deduct them points.

Anyway the pizza was superb. Absolutely delicious. I offered Dave a slice. “What is it?” he asked. “Chicken Supreme”. “What’s on it?” “Chicken” I replied in my most deadpan voice. He really ought to know by now not to ask me daft questions.

Great visit this one and big thanks to my mate Darren Clayton for the recommendation.

R. Royal Punjab, Wisemore. Walsall.

A curry house that opens in the afternoon? That’s my Sunday dinner sorted one Sabbath day I thought. Due to extreme laziness I missed my desired arrival time of 1pm by three hours. Also due to this all I had eaten for breakfast was a pack of Rustlers pancakes and some salt & vinegar crisps. I was ravenous upon arrival and it looked like dabbling with my favourite Deadly Sin Gluttony would once again be on the agenda.

This stylish curry house is set in one of the new build units opposite the main entrance to Tesco. It opened last October with a £1 curry promotion on the first 3 Sundays. I had rehearsals on those days and despite it being unlicensed (a big bugbear of mine) I still wanted to pay it a visit.

“Table for one please” I said on arrival. The waiter took me across the floor and put me at a table set for two. Then asked “table for 4 was it?” I was a bit confused and had to reaffirm that I was eating on my own.

The kids menu had fish fingers on it. Would they put some on a naan bread I wondered. Would that work? Bacon on naan certainly does. If I asked would they call me a dirty bastard and chuck me out? I opted not to ask.

I went poppadoms, starter and main. Lavish food on me please. I ordered the Strawberry Mohito “mocktail” too. The service was quick. My chicken Pakora starter was out before I’d finished the 1st poppadom. It was superb and at a bargain price too.

The chicken tikka masala was good too. There was a bit of a wait for the bill but when it finally came the waiter apologised and said it was because the other waiter went for food. This made us both laugh and all was forgiven. I had to deduct a couple of points as there was no complimentary chocolate or hot hand wipes provided at bill paying time but the food and ambience was so good I let that slide. And I had a red Bounty on the way home to make up for the former. Another good visit.

I. ISO Sushi Wok & Grill. Upper Bridge Street. Walsall.

I’ve been in this building during 2 of it’s former incarnations, firstly when it was an amusement arcade and then when it was the splendidly named takeaway Oi Nosh. Although had I eaten a pinball machine when it was the former it probably would have tasted better than the food I had when the latter.

I arrived straight from work on Thursday and this was right out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know many of the dishes. My mate Sean Harris loves this place and he recommended the gyozas. A quick internet search revealed that they contain Chinese cabbage and as I don’t do veg I discounted these. I should have got a second opinion and asked Jeeves. I’m sure he would have given a better answer.

I could have asked the guy behind the counter for advice but as you know, I’m not one for making conversation with people I don’t know so I did more internet before opting for Prawn Nigri and Chicken Fiery Rice. With the added bonus of Coke out of a glass bottle. It’s so much better out of glass along with ketchup and beer.

The Nigri came out first and I was still trying to get the hang of using the chopsticks when the rice came out. I did master the sticks but I don’t think I’ll be catching a fly with them like the Karate Kid anytime soon.

The rice was ace. I could eat rice all day and this was no exception. It wasn’t that fiery after I asked for that to be calmed down a bit. It had decent pieces of chicken and a really good flavour. I wolfed it down the like The Simpsons eat their food and I didn’t care that I was sat by the window for all passers by to witness.

I’ll deffo return here and next time I will be brave and try a proper Japanese dish.

That’s it then for this instalment. One more to go. My U option has disappeared though so if you know of an eaterie beginning with that letter, please let me know. Cheers.

I’ve got to say I wasn’t really feeling yesterday. When I woke at 9am I could have happily stayed in bed but there was beer and football in store so I eventually prised myself off the mattress and got ready. My mate Craig had stopped over and as he dropped me off outside Katz he announced he was going home to have a couple of hours in bed. I was so jealous. Although had Katz been open at that time I could have seen myself spending those same two hours in there.

I needed food and as I’ve not had a Wetherspoons breakfast in ages, St Matthews Hall is where I was headed. I was very excited about my order, so much so it took me three attempts to say Eggs Benedict and I’m still not sure I got it right. I’m not very good at talking during my first awake hour of the day. Fortunately the top lad that is Matt was serving and he knew what I wanted. It arrived quickly and once I’d removed all the rocket, the meal was polished off quickly.

As I passed St Pauls, a nice man stopped me and asked if I wanted to do market research and I’d be paid £5 for sampling 3 strawberry yogurts. I don’t do strawberries, rarely do yogurt but I do like free £5’s, especially as that amount brings back memories of Mark & Lard on Radio 1. “£5? Blimey Charlie, it’s a lot of cash” and all that.

10 minutes later I was back outside with my gut enjoying this rare influx of friendly bacteria and my wallet boosted with another £5 towards Josh’s stag do weekend.

Just like last Saturday Tim was on the platform of the train station so we travelled to Brum together before he went for the the easier route to the ground and I opted for the more alcoholic one.

We separated at New Street and I headed to Moor Street. This is the simply a beautiful station. Like catching a train in the 1930’s. I should have got a picture but the train was due and I needed the loo. Google image it if you want.

It didn’t take long to reach Solihull and on the way to the town was a Waitrose. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of these with my own eyes before. I really was tempted to pop in for a laugh but there was the serious business of pre match supping to be done, not a time for laughing.

The first pub I found was Wetherspoons The White Swan. There was a civilised queue for the bar and it didn’t take long to get served. I headed outside to enjoy the view of a multi story car park and the banter of Dave O’Shea and his friends.

Next up Was Yates’s. Quite a few Saddlers were in here so that was good. After a couple of sips of my pint I started to get the munchies. The Eggs Benedict and 3 yogurts were wearing off. Perhaps I should have eaten the rocket. I headed back up the bar with menu in hand as is standard procedure. I went for the two small plates of Hunters Chips and Scampi. The extremely friendly barmaid explained the special offer and for just 1p more I could have a third plate. Bargain. Lavish the cheesy garlic bread on me. The food was really good and the garlic bread divine for just 1p. I won’t feel bad about winning the lowest prize on Deal Or No Deal now I know what it can get me.

I liked the look of the entertainment in this place especially the Wednesday night Drag-aoke hosted by the splendidly named Tanya Minge. It’s a free shot for every singer and a £20 bar tab for the best performer. Apologies in advance to my liver for all of these incoming bar tabs.

It was now 2pm and I’d only had 2 pints. I know it’s pre season but it’s a really poor showing on my behalf so I needed another venue. The top lad Matt Stacky was close by and he drives around for his job so I asked his advice. He suggested Popworld across the road but it was closed. Good job really as another pint and a couple of Katy Perry songs and I wouldn’t be making the game.

As I left Yates’s my eyes initially struggled to adjust so I made my way very carefully down the steps. Passers by must have thought I’d had about 12 never mind just the paltry two I was on. My eyes adjusted quickly and I spotted O’Neils across the road. That’ll do.

As I was in a posh town I thought I’d go for a more upmarket beer in here and opted for Camden Hells. Upmarket price too £5.75. Hmmm John Smiths next time I think.

From there it was a black cab to the ground. The driver was eager to talk football until he came out with the line “Walsall? Are they even a team? I never see them on the tele.” Now I can take comments about my looks, my height, weight, lack of hair, lack of sex life etc but diss my football club and to quote our mutual friend Celine Dion “this is getting serious”. His comment bought out different responses from various parts of my body. Mouth said “yeah we don’t get picked up by Sky very often” in a tone which cut short the conversation. Brain thought “carry on like that and I’ll withhold your fare then overturn and torch your cab”. Throat thought “what’s all this talking? I need beer”.

The fare was £8.90 (I always tip but didn’t on this occasion) and soon I was outside the club with a pint and enjoying the company of Matt Stacky, Lee and Michelle. It’s a really good setup at this ground. The main club has an additional bar out the front of it which is what we were using. Home and away fans were drinking and mixing happily. I’m sure Neighbours fans would also do this.

By the time I’d finished my pint and made a few notes it was 3.30 and too late to go into the stand so another pint was in order. We took the lead before half time and I finally made it into the stand abut 15 minutes into the second half just in time to see us score our second.

We won 2-0 and I was back up the bar just in time to hear the barmaid inform the customer in front of me that she was from “the shit part of Solihull”. He went and she asked me if the match was finished and I replied “yes” thinking this was also going to spark a conversation which would reveal personal life details but I got a “oh in that case I have to close. We finish when the game ends”. The main bar in the clubhouse was still serving and we had a pleasant hour and Matt let me jump in his Uber back to the station and only wanted a pint for it – which I still owe him. Next Saturday in the Bescot Bar Matt.

I rounded the day off back in Walsall with visits to Tap & Tanner, Katz and Walsall Arms. It was a really enjoyable day and I could have missed it due to being too lazy to get up or dancing around to Katy Perry in Popworld.

Pre-season is over then and my record is played 2 won 2 goals missed 2 goals seen 2. Lots of even numbers there. Bring on Hartlepool on Saturday. Proper football is back.

I’d missed the first couple of pre season games but yesterday football was back in my life. It was a friendly away at AFC Telford United so it was a day of sunshine, beers and a chance to meet up with folks I hadn’t seen for a while including Ashley a Telford fan who I’ve not seen since my last visit to their ground in 2006.

I arrived in Wellington just after midday and accompanied by Tim, a fellow Saddler we set off to find The Boot micro pub. We couldn’t locate it so dived into The Pheasant. This has 9 handpulls and at first I thought they didn’t do lager as there was no pulls but then I spotted them attached to the back wall. I had an ale, “Apollo” which was decent. Tim had his own itinerary for the day so he departed and I left to try and find The Boot. After a walk around the market place and a stop for a can of full fat Coke I spotted The Beacon and headed in there.

The Beacon was dimly lit but playing ELO which is always good. I ordered a Carling and sat in a quiet corner. The tv’s were playing Now 80’s, ELO gave way to Madness and then Ashley arrived. We had a good catch up, well needed after about 16 years talking football and about the fottie forum that we had become mates on, and its posters.

The musical highlight was Fantasy Island by Tight Fit. Had I been a couple more pints down the road, and there been some ladies on the dancefloor then I would have been up their doing all the moves including lassoing. I mentioned to Ashley that he’d been lucky to not have to watch that.

Next up was The Boot. A new micropub that has only been open a couple of weeks. There was a great range of beers and whilst I was studying the form a lady behind us was loudly telling an anecdote which ended with “there was skid marks all over the sheets”. I wish I’d caught the start of this as it sounded a classic. She then reiterated that it was hilarious. I wanted the back story and also to know if she had found or left the skidders. Probably the latter as finding them usually isn’t that funny.

We started to head towards the ground which is just a 20 minute walk from Wellington but we broke this up by stopping at The Railway which is Ashley’s usual pre match haunt. Proper pub is this. It has the football pub feel and I was straight away at home. Ashley wanted a Staropramen which I’ve never ordered and I really pronounced it wrong. The barmaid just pointed at it and said “pint of that?”. “Yeah, pint of that” I replied. “Pint of that it is then” she concluded. So I will know always know it as that and when I ever get round to ordering it for myself, it’s how I’ll ask for it.

The pub has 3 dartboards dotted around the place which adds to it’s proper pub feel. I had to use the loo, and in there is the biggest mirror ever. You can admire yourself almost down to your ankles whilst also keeping an eye on what’s going on at the urinals, if that’s your thing.

Rigt by the ground is The Cock Hotel. A Joule’s pub with a good range of ales on. Lot’s of Walsall fans were in here which kept me happy. I opted for a pork pie as I was peckish. It came with a knife which was odd as it was small enough to eat in two mouthfuls. However as they had taken the trouble to give it me I opted to use it. I learned that cutting a pork pie is not my forte and should have eaten it whole.

Ashley departed for the game but I stayed for another pint which is standard. I hooked with the marvellous Matt Stacky and his entourage for the walk to the ground. Upon arrival there were no turnstiles open and we were sent on a wild goose chase before eventually getting in at 3.25pm. I went straight for food and got a cheeseburger and small fries for £7 which was a tad expensive. All items wee wolfed down though.

I joined the queue for the beer and whilst doing this we scored. It was nice to get my first missed goal of the new American ownership era under my belt. At this point can I check you are sitting down? The next line might shock you. I decided that I didn’t want a beer and opted to see what half time in the stand is like. Turns out it was just people eating, talking about the game or watching the substitutes. Think I’ll stick to the bar in future.

Anyway I gather the first half was a bit poo, but we started brightly in the second half and scored again quite quickly with a well taken 20 yarder from Isaac Hutchinson.

The score remained 2-0 and it was an enjoyable afternoon in a nice ground. Afterwards I had time for one more beer before the train and it was a toss up between the Wetherspoons and the Station so I opted for the later due to it’s close proximity to the train home. Also because it had a quiz machine but this was no longer the case. They did have great looking cobs at £1.50 but like the beer I also know my limits with food so passed on these.

Wolverhamton Wetherspoons was visited on the way back for a drink with more fellow Saddlers. I also needed to get my steps in for the day so used the loos. As you know I like to use urinal no 2 and this is quite a walk from the door past 6 others so fitness levells went up a notch after that.

Back in Walsall me and Dave hit the Tap & Tanner just in time to watch James Beech Junior from Bloxwich boxing for the WBC Intercontinental belt live on BT Sports. He put up a great attempt but was stopped in the 8th. From there it was Wishbone for a kebab meat pizza and home.

A great day with tremendous people. Cheers all.

Saturday was good. I left work at 1pm and headed straight to McDonald’s. I chose a table near the front door and from there I could hear every word of the mic-ed up preacher outside. I left around 20 minutes later with a full belly and suitably reassured that God loves me and died for my sins.

I jumped on the train and at Bloxwich I was joined by Chris and James. Chris I’ve been friends with since 1996 but I rarely drink with, and James who I know to say “alright?” to in Rock Steady Eddies.

We arrived in Rugeley, which had been the destination for my superb birthday bash in 2015 and made our way towards town but as the railway bridge loomed Chris ventured to the right. “Town is this way fella” I said. But he wasn’t going the wrong way. He was taking me into un-chartered territory and to a pub I knew nothing about. Not many people can say that they have taken me to a pub I’ve not been to before but Chris joins this short list by taking me to The Mossley Tavern.

There was no ale available but the new Heineken Silver was on and I’ve not tried that so jumped on that. We settled at a table and the first pub discussion of the day was about Radio 2. A subject not normally on the agenda for debating over a pint but Chris was disappointed with the previous days news about Steve Wright being replaced by Scott Mills. On the other hand Scott is one of my favourite dj’s but he’ll still be on air when I’m at work so it’s academic to me. Chris was also sad at losing his title as “the last person to represent Walsall on Popmaster” this crown having slipped a couple of days earlier when my friend Sarah Sutherland went on and absolutely smashed it. Well done Sarah.

Our next stop was The Crown. This place was decked out with wall to wall Union Jacks and bunting. It’s so good to see that pubs are getting ready for the Queen’s 80th (Oak) Jubilee. Great stuff. Usher was playing as we walked in and when that finished was replaced by AC/DC, a leap that I wasn’t expecting. Soon The White Stripes came on and you don’t hear them in pubs often. Had I not been working I had been planning to wear my Jack White outfit of white t-shirt and red jeans. That would have been spooky with them playing.

In the week I’d sent Chris my wish list of 3 pubs to visit and our next port of call was The Vine which was on the list. This is a nice looking building and they have their own micro brewery on site. Chris whispered “Carling please”. I looked over quizzically. He fessed up that he was embarrassed to order this in a pub that brewed its own ale.

The Vine is a great pub, a Rugeley must visit but on my last trip to the town I simply couldn’t find this pub despite having already visited it. I will never ask for directions so I prefer to look at sign posts and glance around a lot in the hope that a passer by will offer help but on that day nobody did so I didn’t make it. It was good to go there again. Word of warning though. If you go there on a hot date, take your own jonnies as the condom machine gives no prices or clues as to what your options are. Totally blank machine as if a victim of a bizarre government ban of sexual sheath advertising.

Round the corner is Olly’s Bar and Chris was absolutely fuming that they didn’t sell crisps. “What pub doesn’t sell crisps?” he asked numerous times whilst in there. Maybe he could take this up with Scott Mills on Radio 2 soon.

En route to the next venue we spotted an array of wine bottles in a window and found it was Whitworth & Masons Lounge Bar. It’s so nice when you are on a planned route and you stumble upon a place that you had no knowledge of. This has happened twice before with Real Ale Corner in Chesterfield and Jinkys in Oakham. Places spotted whilst walking past. After a brief committee meeting we voted unanimously to give this place a visit. I’m so glad we did.

Firstly the barmaid was lovely. They did real ale, Madri (2 pulls for this), crisps (Chris was delighted) and loads of gin varities. The place was very quirky in it’s decor and the staff were friendly a welcoming. All too soon though it was time to review the toilet. Right, at this point I’m going to stop typing and grab a mug of tea. This could take a couple of paragraphs.

Remember The Crystal Maze yeah? If the Industrial Zone had toilets these would be them. There are 4 cubicles. The first 2 for ladies and the second set for blokes. Cubicle 1 has an empty door. The others have garden implements attached. Why is number 1 empty though? I’m sure the budget could have stretched to a hoe. Hmm perhaps not. Not a good word to associate with the lovely ladies.

I chose number three. The thing you grab to yank the chain (it must have a name, if the dot above the letter i has a name then this must) had the word pull on it. I’m crap with any kind of technology so am always grateful for instruction to use things. I’m crap at pulling but manged this with aplomb.

Whilst washing my hands a lady departed cubicle one. We exchanged brief hellos but this really caught me off guard. It felt a bit awkward so I didn’t hang around and dashed back to the bar to finish my Madri. This was a superb bar and I’m glad we found it.

The Red Lion was also on my to do list and as usual was on good form. The locals were lively, to the point that the lovely barmaid Jodie felt the need to apologise to us for the language. Whenever I go to another place I always look for which pub would be my local if I lived there and this place certainly gets the Rugeley tick.

We moved onto The Albion where Chris seated by the pool table so we had 15 minutes of the players shoving those sticks in our faces which wasn’t fun so we went to Bojollys. Chris really struggled to use the jukebox in here and by the time he managed to select a song he realised that we would be long gone before it came on. He was already unhappy with the choices of other people so he also selected a song by Outhere Brothers just to piss everybody off. A level of pettiness that I can only hope to aspire to.

Last pub was The Plaza, the town’s Wetherspoons. For some reason all the urinals were out of use and covered in plastic sheeting meaning all users had to queue for two cubicles. A couple of blokes took matters into their own hands quite literally and ripped the sheeting open to dodge the queues.

It was time to catch the train but what a superb day it was. My general rule is that when I have been somewhere and blogged about it, I then have to leave it about 6 months before I go again. However I want to go back to Rugeley soon so I might join the 1922 Committee and get them to change the rule. I might even take one of my very underused garden tools for that first cubicle door.

The cover for the Hard-Fi single Living For The Weekend features a clock showing 18.00 hours which I’ve always thought was a bit late but again it was around this time when my weekend could begin and after the standard order in McDonalds it was off to The Lyndon to meet Craig and from there we headed to Black Country Arms.

It was a bit lively upstairs so for the 2nd pint (blood orange cider after a green pint of Stonehenge Sign Of Spring) we headed for the part of the pub I call the Study. In here we found a joke book which Craig read from. I also chipped in with some of my favourite jokes like”a skeleton walks into a pub and says can I have a pint of lager and a mop please?”.

From there we headed to The Lounge (formally Pen & Wig) which was re-opening that day. It is now a desi pub serving food and there were a few folk in which was good to see. On our last visit 3 days after Christmas 2019 it was just me, Craig and the landlord in there and it was still playing festive music which was odd.

As we hadn’t gone back upstairs in The BCA to use the loo before departing we both needed it here. Craig dashed in first whilst I got on with the important business of ordering the drinks. And then I dashed to the bogs.

I entered to find a bothered Craig having trouble washing his hands. He challenged me to get some water out of the taps. Upon finishing the matters arising I walked to the sink, used the left tap and it flowed freely. I don’t know what it is with Craig but he brings out my mainly dormant competitive side. With wet hands to prove my victory I bypassed the hand dyer and went out and flicked excess water at him. Had it been anyone else I’d have acted like my 48 years and just used the dryer.

There were food and drink menus to peruse. Cocktails include Strawberry Is Sexy and Sex On The Sofa. I might try those and in the latter case I might get round to having the drink at some point too. The food is the usual desi pub fayre. They do an amazing sounding mega deal which costs £49.95. I announced that next time I win £50 on a scratchcard, I’m having that. Craig mentioned that it was surely a meal for 4. “Fine” I replied. “I’ll bring Patsy Kensit, you bring Lucy Verasamy”. I didn’t think to check if he knows who Lucy is but either way I’ll have a flirt with her while he is at the bar.

From there it was The Registry then Katz. On the retro gaming machine we have found Super Pac-Man which is an a odd version of the original game with un-lockable sections and power pills which makes your man go all big and he can do what he wants for a bit. We had three games. I won one, Craig wiped the floor with me in the other two, so I’m putting this bit of the report second and hoping you don’t notice. He made some great scores and as usual drunk me was a bit blase with my Pac-Man. We headed to Blue Ginger to round the night off which is standard behaviour and it was ace. Also standard.

On the Saturday I was up early to head to work. I glanced ruefully at the railway bridge. Two hours later I should have been passing over it on a wacky one night trip to Kent rather than walking under it at an un Godly time to do overtime. With that trip off due to the train strike it was all about earning money rather than spending it.

It was pissing down as the clock struck 1, so a colleague (who quit suddenly in the time it has taken me to write this) offered me a lift to by The Saddlers Centre car park. Not a long walk but like the bloke in the Heart “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You” song, I had no umbrella, no coat so I was happy with the lift. He’d bought everyone breakfast earlier too so he was in my good books that day..

Anyway I went into the Saddlers Centre and grabbed a cheap pair of jeans for work from a charity shop. Size 30. I don’t think I’ve worn size 30 since I was about 7. I left the centre via the other exit into glorious sunshine. It hadn’t taken that long to get the jeans on honest.

I saw an ice cream van and I wanted in. I was drawn to the Raspberry Brain Rotter Sundae. Purely because I’ve decided that if I ever have to change my name or do a witness protection thing I would go for the name Sebastian Rotter (inspired by Faris Rotter lead singer of The Horrors). I might have to rethink this now I’ve revealed it in a blog that is read around the world. Vince Rotter it is then.

On the evening my mate Gareth was up from Newport in Wales. I warned him not to head to close to the football ground as he might get a 2 year contract as our manager Mickey Flynn hails from there and likes a signing from his home town.Gareth had bought his friend Dai along and we met up in The Lyndon. Upon leaving, I turned to inform Gareth that I was nipping for a quick piss. Only it wasn’t him. I don’t know who the bloke was but he didn’t seem too interested in my bladder emptying movements.

I had guided the lads to The Wheatsheaf as I was peckish and wanted to try the new BBQ. I was craving a burger but upon reaching the food area the chef said it was jerk chicken and goat curry and that the food was all cooked and inside. So I went to the window at the kitchen. They had no idea what I was on about so I went back to the bar. The barmaid directed me to go outside, which was what I was told first time around. She marched off outside and came backing saying she thought I had to order at the bar but wasn’t sure. Losing the will to live I ordered a ham salad cob and took great pleasure in extracting the non bread/ham content.

Gareth and Dai were getting stuck into the rum. Last time I tried this it was a spicy cherry version in Katz. I was showing off and drinking it neat. Next thing I knew I was being put into a taxi so I played it safe this time and had an ale. A bloke latched into Dai and eventually asked our names. “Mikee” I said. “Martin?” “No, Mikee”. “Nice to meet you Martin” he concluded. Oh well. I get called Steve and Andy so it’s nice to have another name to go by.

We went to Walsall Arms and met our mate Dan and from there we hit Katz and sat outside in the pleasant surroundings until the un June like temperatures put paid to that.

Dai wanted to go where the women were so it was time for The Registry. There were ladies about so that was good. I was flagging soon afterwards due to the busy long working week. Something need to liven me up. A final drink was doing the trick until this was usurped by the DJ playing “Set You Free” by N-Trance. This is just one of the best songs ever and always brings back memories of my 40th birthday bash when it was played late on and the whole room went up.

I finished my drink, thanked the lads for a cracking evening and headed home.

Kent? Soon. Maybe.