Evo Boozy Scribbler

I love Blackpool, not gonna lie. We went every year as kids and now I occasionally visit so last weekend I was up as Walsall were at Fleetwood on the Saturday. My last trip was in 2022 on that very boozy 3 day visit in between leaving SciChem and starting at Cardboard Boxes 2 Go. I blogged about all 3 days and at the time the Saturday edition was one of my favourites, although the Sunday one gets the Google traffic.

I nearly missed the train from Walsall as I was fannying around repeatedly checking I’d turned iron, lights and taps off and locked doors etc. In Birmingham I alighted the train which I believe is the posh word for it and saw people waiting for the lift. ‘I’ll have me a bit of that’ was my though. No escalator not working hilarity on my part for you this time New Street.

The lift brought me out right by the Avanti 1st Class Lounge. I noticed it wasn’t closing early this time. Academic anyway as I’m not due to travel first class again until 2030. No, I’ve not missed a dot out there. I’m not first classing at 8.30 tonight.

On the train I settled down and resumed reading my new book Dear Bill Bryson by Ben Aitken – the second book of his I’ve read. He goes to lots of places that that the title person also visited. I’m hoping to learn about being a travel writer by reading a travel writer. My post it note bookmark has now been upgraded to a Highgate Brewery beer mat.

A couple got on at Crewe. I assumed they were a couple. She was clutching a bunch of flowers. They had a very visible £6 label on them. I was eager to know if he had bought them for her or were they from work or sommert? None of my actual business I appreciate but the wannabe investigative journalist in me refuses to die. It reminded me of the time I was very keen on a checkout lass at Tesco so I purchased flowers from there and presented them to her. Nothing came of it but I got some Clubcard points, so not all bad.

In Blackpool I was staying on Springfield Road and yes I had the “we put the spring in Springfield” song from The Simpsons in my head as I walked up the street.

At the entrance there was a note saying that the bell doesn’t work. Trying to make me feel at home already. Nice touch. I was let in and welcomed then told “the last occupant in your room broke the shower. It still works but….” I stopped listening. I got the shower working in Eastcote and was up for another challenge.

My room had 8 tea bags waiting for me, they’d clearly done their research. I’d forgotten my strictly one a day rank tasting weight loss tea bags so one of this stash perished straight away. I got the shower working and also had a go on the hair dryer. Not used one of those for 35 years but it was listed as a feature of the room when booking so as I’d paid for it, what the hell?

I lay on the bed, Radio 2 for company and pondered my options. I was meeting Jane (known as Blackpool Jane in the blogging and Twitter universes) at 6. My plans for the weekend had been watered down somewhat from the original draft. My boiler blew on the day before so with a repair bill incoming I shelved plans to go up the tower and the waxworks. I even considered not going to the game but I had a word with myself as it was the whole point of the weekend.

When searching for hotels I regularly go for the cheapest option but this time I was a bit blase and went for the second cheapest. I had considered cancelling and booking the cheaper one when the boiler went.

In the end I just chilled out for a bit and was at Cask & Tap in good time to meet Jane. I hadn’t seen Jane since the legendary Preston trip last October so there was much to discuss and catch up on. She’d returned from a trip to France with her boyfriend Lee that very day do I was chuffed she was able to make it out.

Curry was on the agenda. Jane had two options, Akash where we went last time or a different one just down the road. I fear change so we went back to Akash. Jane was greeted like royalty upon arrival and the main man asked loudly “where’s Lee?” Jane gave his apologies then he looked at me and demanded “who’s this guy?” Jane explained how we lived together when she was in Walsall and that I was here for the football. Turns out he used to go to Bescot with Blackpool Hotel owner Clive Welch back in the Kenny Hibbitt days. He didn’t mention going after that. I guess some of the performances during that spell put him off. I nearly stopped going to be fair. Jane explained how the lad loves Lee and is obsessed with him. All good.

We got menus and Jane announced “I’ll pay for the curry.” “Are you sure?” I asked. “Yes, I’ve not seen you in ages.” Thanks Jane, very kind of you.

I had chicken tikka naan with tandoori chicken masala. It was amazing. We got talking of itinerary. Jane said there was a band playing nearby that plays our music. She showed the artists being covered and I was straight in. I asked where Church Street is as I had a retro fruit machine arcade on my to do list and Google had shown it was close by here but not pinpointed it precisely. It was right by where the band were playing. Beautiful occurrence.

I must point out at this juncture that I’ve not played a fruit machine since 2003 when I put £6 (the last money I had on me including my bus fare back to Darlaston) in one in The Brewery Stores and got nothing out of it. In hindsight I could have used that money to buy flowers for a woman in Crewe.

We departed and heaedd to The Reel Vegas. It started pissing it down. Jane had no coat and I’d made a last minute decision to bring a rain mac. I offered it to her twice but she refused. Had it not been a Walsall FC mac she might have gone for it. She is a proud Blackpool fan so I totally get this.

At the arcade I was initially disappointed as all the machines were the shit modern ones, then I spotted an open door and a sign saying “retro slots downstairs” and hell yeah. Loads of 90s style machines. I wanted to have a go on a Monopoly one. This was quickly usurped when I found the Viz one. Melons and plums as the fruits rather than the usual ones, and as I recalled on the feature Big Vern saying “banged up in the chokey” meant game over whilst Sid The Sexist saying “I’ve pulled” meant instant jackpot.

We continued to peruse and I found a Monopoly one. That was it. They say “you should only gamble what you can afford to lose.” I deduced I could afford to lose a tennar and changed one for pound coins. It would have been £5 if Jane hadn’t paid for the curry.

I went on Viz first. I wanted to get on the feature but it wasn’t to be. However the rude noises when using the hold buttons made me laugh. After £5 went in I’d won just £1.20 so walked away. I put a quid in Monopoly, got on the board straight away, was offered £1.80 for landing on Bow Street and took it. Kept to the tradition of putting £6 in.

On the way out I asked if I could take a picture of the place. The security guard granted permission and moved out of shot but asked “do you work for Admiral?” “no, I just like to keep a record of where I go.” I should have said yes and seen what he gave me. Knowing my luck though he would have meant Admiral the insurance people and asked for a quote on contents and building cover.

We went to Rythm And Brew Room. The bar is coolly decked out with various beer branded bottle crates hanging from the ceiling and an old BBC Live On Air light lit up behind the band. I want one of those when I eventually manage to save enough to get my house rewired.

Jane grabbed drinks. She got a can of Slurm, named after a highly addictive drink in the show Futurama. The reference was wasted on me though. A lady from an adjacent table rushed over to see what this green drink was and she knew of the drink having seen the show. Jane was pleased that someone else knew it. This lady, we’ll call her Lady Futurama had a little chat and then went back to her group.

Jane grabbed beer mats as her friend collects them but didn’t have anywhere to put them so I stuck them in my coat pocket for her. It’s got to be 20 years since I pocketed a beer mat. Good job I didn’t have my new bookmark with me or she might have wanted that too. Nice to see beer mats. Lots of places don’t bother with them nowadays preferring the wet table approach. It’s a bit poo to be honest.

Random song of the day came on just before the band started. “Flat Beat” by Mr Ozio. I joined in with the head movements like the puppet (Flat Eric) on the Levi’s advert. I must have looked like a bit of a nob, but hey when has that ever bothered me?

The band, Midnight Rockers Club were great. Took to them straight away. They opened with “Ruby” by Kaiser Chiefs and went into “Laid” by James, no censoring of the “she only comes when she’s on top” lyric like you get on radio versions nowadays. Other first half highlights were my joint favourite Beatles song “Come Together” – (the other being A Day In The Life, now that Twist And Shout has been disqualified for not being a Beatles original.) We also had “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World which is just one of the best songs ever although I was a bit disappointed that everyone didn’t strip to their underwear like in the video. I’d have seriously considered getting involved with that.

This set was wrapped up with a cover of Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now”, hopefully inspired by the Green Day version and Jane’s favourite ever rendition of “Don’t You Want Me?”

At half time I went up to try and get a picture of the BBC live light. The band thought I’d gone up for a chat so had to explain my movements. We did indeed have a natter though and they are decent lads.

The toilet or “beer recycling centre” as it says on the door is cool. Big Beatles Abbey Road poster above the urinals and there is hardly a bit of wall space without band stickers on it. Even the hand drier has a covering of these too.

Second half began and I’ll be honest, as I clambered out of bed that morning, I didn’t expect to be seeing a live band this evening, certainly not a segway of Blink 182 “All The Small Things” into Busted’s “Year 3000.” Another highlight was Wheatus “Teenage Dirtbag”. Lady Futurama and her friend who had been up front dancing most of the night were invited on stage to sing the “Mena Suvari” bits. That was awesome

It was a fantastic set, every song singalongable and I got through some serious amounts of air drumming. Phenomenal night.

At the end Jane headed out as Lee was coming to pick her up. I was about to put my coat on then Lady Futurama asked “are you staying for another drink?” I lied and said “yes” We got talking through the medium of a couple of q & a sessions. First up she asked questions about Jane and I as she ascertained our relationship status. I confirmed more than once that Jane had gone home with her boyfriend and I was wondering where this was going then she chucked in a throwaway line about her husband, who was sat opposite.

Next she quizzed me on tv. It went a little like this. “Do you also watch Futurama?” “I’ve only ssen 1 episode. I’m more of a Simpsons man.” “You’ve watched Game Of Thrones though right?” “Never seen an episode.” I forget what the third programme was but it maintained the negative responses. I followed up meekly with “I’m more of a radio person” before throwing in that I’d seen all of Baby Reindeer which went down well, especially when I revealed I’d been to the actual pub in it. In all honesty, she’d have been better off asking me about Astro-Physics. I know shit all about that as well.

She then pointed at a lad and a lass on her table and asked me which one I’d most like to be with. I pointed at the female. She then asked him the same question about me and the lass. I didn’t expect to win this one and so it proved.

She talked about herself, coming from Manchester and spoke about Blackpool in general, expressing surprise that I was walking back to my b & b on my own and urged me to get a taxi.

I had a brief chat with her husband when she was outside and they were both really nice people but it was nighty night time. I said my good byes to her outside, and she checked that I was going to get a taxi. I said I would. I didn’t. I took a gentle amble along the prom. Cracking night. Cheers Jane. Oh I do like to be beside the seaside.

I got up late last Saturday. Standard. The plan was to go on a mission to Bloxwich then for breakfast at the Walsall Arms. It was 10am when I rose, very lazy yeah so brekkie was pushed up the batting order.

When the Walsall Arms started doing Saturday breakfast last year, I was there for the first 9 weeks – missing out on the perfect 10 because of a wedding in Kent. Over the last few months though it has become a rare treat and boy did I need one of those on this day. I strolled in and instructed Jodi to “inject the fried bread into me.”

Breakfast was good. I stayed for an extra cuppa and used this bit of down time to finish reading “Everybody died, so I got a dog” by Emily Dean. It is heartwarming, has some brilliant lines in it but also a tragic side which really resonated with me. Emily used to co host the Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio so she was the voice of my Saturday mornings for 15 years, so it felt right to finish her book at that time. A great line that stays with me was from her father “be wary of people who make more noise than impact.” Nobody noticed my makeshift bookmark, fashioned from a spent work post it note. Even when looking cultured by reading a book, I still manage to make it uncouth.

Anyway it was a pleasant time. I’ve really cut down on the Walsall pub visits these past few months so it was nice. I’ve been trying to save money so I can travel more. Collated a bit but the plan is generally being scuppered be me keep going away for weekends. Oh well, the water bill free months are coming. I’ll save then. As I was about to leave, “Undressed” by Sombr came on which is my favourite song of the moment so I delayed the departure a little. I nearly ordered another cuppa.

I was soon on the way to Bloxwich. It was the opening day of a pork scratching shop, the kind of retail outlet that I can really get on board with. Cool Hog is based on Park Road by Windsor Fish Bar and they have a palindromic post code WS3 3SW, which I approve of. Love a palindrome – “step on no pets” is one of my faves. I used to serve the Cool Hog owner Luke in the trade counter at Cardboard Boxes 2 Go so it was good to go and reverse the roles.

Kid in a sweet shop is a bit of a cliche but grown man in a scratchings shop is the future. There are different flavours – I opted for the biggest jar of maple plus some other bits and bobs including a cookie. Hot scratchings are available which I discovered for the first time on the legendary Erdington day. I resisted the urge this time though as everyone on the 32 bus would have wanted one. It was all very exciting.

Because I’d spent above a certain amount (I forget what) I got to spin the wheel to see if I won a prize. I didn’t. Great shop though with friendly staff. I wish them well. They are open Tuesday to Saturday 9am until 6pm (5pm on a Saturday. Check out http://www.coolhog.co.uk or find them on Facebook. (As I type this 3 days on I’ve now tried the maple flavour and they are amazing. I’d be having to go to Scratchings Anonymous if I lived close by.)

I was meeting friends on the afternoon, arriving last to the Black Country Arms. I’d been editing last Sundays blog – not gorging on scratchings and I loitered at the bar to check the Walsall score and was pleasantly surprised to see us 1-0 up at MK. I grabbed a Diet Coke and headed upstairs. Mark, Swill and Morti were already there along with Gareth and Tina who were up from Wales. Gareth and I go back to the 90’s but this was only my second time of meeting Tina. At home I’d grabbed a shirt out the wardrobe and then because I’m a bit weird I checked what I was wearing the last time I met Tina. It was the same shirt. I swapped it for my Brasseye “Drugs” episode t-shirt.

Swill had got an umbrella. I asked if there was a sweepstake for when he’d lose it. Walsall held on for the win which was a cracking result. How did Swill and I celebrate this stunning win? Well we had a chat about death. We certainly know how to party. By 17.39 Swill was starting on the poo anecdotes. This should have been another sweepstake.

Mark disappeared and shortly afterwards we hit The Tap & Tanner. En route we passed the new barbers on the market. It was pointed out that they had an available chair for me. Quickest response I could muster on the spot was “I’ve got to have a back, sack and crack. Catch you up.” I had been looking for a reason to start reviewing all these new barbers in town, don’t worry. I won’t include photos.

In The Tap, Swill was talking of his exploits on AI. He said that he could take a picture of me, make me naked and put in any woman that has a picture on the internet. I was torn between being bemused by this or giving him my bank details and telling him to make me an album. I opted for the former. Talking of AI. I was asked recently if I use it to write my blogs. I honestly don’t. For 2 reasons. I wouldn’t know how to and no computer would be able to replicate the thought processes that go through my head.

The music started at 7.30 and it was really loud, conversation stifling (although I didn’t mind this when Rick Astley was played. Opps, there goes my street cred running out the door again.) When UB40 came on we scarped across the road to The Registry.

We found a decent booth in The Reg and really put the world to right. Music was at a decent level and it was a pleasant visit. Morti departed and the remainder of the group headed up to Katz.

There was a live band on in Katz and it was busy but we dropped lucky with seats as a group was leaving. I didn’t know any of the songs but the band were good. Swill was impressed with them and he knows his way around a guitar. He delighted us with a bit of air guitar on his umbrella, getting the handle fully erect for added effect.

We finished up in The Walsall Arms. Jodi was back on duty although no longer behind the bar taking breakfast orders, she was now on the dj decks taking requests. At the end of the Erdington day it was also her request night. I didn’t ask for anything that time and one of the first we heard in here on this occasion was “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry and to be honest, nothing I could choose was topping that. Also I’d got “Light The Night” by Andy Burrows – theme tune to The Snowman & The Snowdog in my head. As great a song as it is, not really suitable for the last Saturday in August.

Swill still had his umbrella. Unprecedented. To celebrate this he fully opened it and had a dance around with it. Don’t ask what song, no idea. I don’t minute everything. He said his goodbyes shortly afterwards. He’d left over half a pint. I pulled it alongside mine. It’s what he would have wanted.

It was a top end to an amazing day. Nice to catch up with great mates. Jodi finished with a bit of Backstreet Boys “I Want It That Way” and we called it a night after giving that a sing song. I had a reduced price Tesco Finest “luxury” prawn cocktail waiting for me in the fridge.

I took a slow amble home, checking if Danny’s Chicken was open, which it wasn’t. I mnade it home and crasjed out. I had the prawn cocktail for breakfast,.

A couple of weeks ago I got a message, random by his own admission – from Josh asking if I wanted to go to the last ever Birmingham Brummies Speedway event at Perry Barr. In our friendship it’s normal my job to send the random messages but I’m now clearly influencing him. At first thought I wasn’t that keen but then the idea of something different and a bit of history with a top man won me over. I’ve never been to Speedway but a few years ago Walsall FC were away at Swindon on a Tuesday night but instead of it being live on Radio WM, they opted to commentate on Speedway instead and it was tedious. I hoped it would be more exciting watching it.

I have absolutely no knowledge of the sport and can only name one rider – Sam Ermolenko, who the sport man on Beacon Radio was absolutely obsessed with when I was a kid.

Fast forward to last Monday and Josh messaged at half 8 asking if I wanted more time that day with him. I was very keen and replied reflecting this. He replied saying that he’d pick me up at 10.30, which I was less keen on, as I’d dropped off to sleep again and didn’t see it until 10am. I nearly broke my neck in my haste to get in and out the bath quickly but all good in the end. I had no idea what he had planned but I layered up on factor 50 (thanks Carole) just in case.

He picked me up, along with his daughters Maizie and Grace and we headed towards West Bromwich. As we reached Sandwell General Hospital he slowed to a crawl. ‘Marvellous’ I thought ‘he must think I don’t see enough hospital during the working week, so he’s brought me to another one on my day off. Inject it into me.’ My hopes were dashed though, he was just getting his bearings and soon we were instead at Sandwell Valley. Somewhere I’d not been before.

The surprise was that we were attending the One Fest festival which I quickly clocked as having something of a Caribbean feel to it. Loads of food vendors, craft stalls, a funfair, two stages and an impressive amount of portaloos. Josh must have told them that I was coming.

We had an amble around. First random occurrence was a lady carrying two drinks made in coconut shells. She stopped and asked me to push one of the straws in. Not been asked that before but I did and we exchanged pleasantries whilst I resisted the urge to compliment her on her pair of coconuts.

I then spotted a nice lady walking around with “Talk to me” on the back of her shirt. I knew not the context for this, and of course I didn’t ask. I don’t have the confidence to go and talk to women, even when there is a written invitation on the back of her shirt. The phrase did give me Terry Tibbs from Fonejacker vibes though. I had visions of her marching up to a food stall and demanding “curry goat, with rice and pea. Talk to me!”

We headed towards the main stage which was blasting out music. Second song was “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” – the UB40 version. Josh took no time in taking the piss. He loves UB40 where as I’m somewhat indifferent. The Elvis version of that song though is one of my absolute favourites, so I did sing along.

I spotted a food vendor called Rastaurant which I thought was bloody brilliant and I said that “I’d be giggling about that all day.”

We headed back to the first field and found chairs. Live entertainment was starting on what I took to be the number 2 stage of the set up. A lass came out and she was really good but not many people were watching, with most being in the other field. At the end hardly anybody clapped and I felt really sorry for her. There was more applause after our dreadful defeat to Accrington in April.

The Ice Cream van was calling. I pondered a Cornetto but I would have had Jay from The Inbetweeners in my head while the lady was serving me. I had a double headed cone with two flakes. It was called Twin Bunny Ears. I’m old school though and for me it should have been a called a 198. I did that sum in my head. Hey check me, I only got an E in GCSE Maths.

We went to the fairground bit so the girls could check out some rides. Not my scene in the slightest. I stopped going to fairgrounds when I was 8 having already deduced by that age that they are shit. And since then I’ve seen Final Destination 3, plus the only episode of Casualty that I’ve seen, back in the 90’s started with some kids going to a fair. I had an uneasy feeling that something bad was going to happen and lo and behold, one of them ended up in hospital. Josh thought that he was joining the girls on The Crazy Caterpillar but got out of it at the last second, rejoining the boozy bezzie in the shade.

After a quick food van mission (1/2 pound cheeseburger for £7 – take note Barnet FC) we headed back into the main field. Red Red Wine by UB40 came on. It was inevitable. I lay down and moved around trying to get comfy. Half an hour later we were off. I got up and was absolutely covered in dried grass – not that sort. I’d turned into Worzel Gummidge in no time at all. I glanced around to see if Aunt Sally was about offering a cup o’ tea an’ a slice o’ cake. She wasn’t.

Back in the car and the first song that came on was “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding which I love and I gave it portions. Not sure Josh was impressed but when you have a stage performer in the vicinity you can never rule out a spontaneous song outburst.

We headed to Josh’s where he resumed his mission of fattening me up for Christmas (he feeds me like he’s my personal Marcus Rashford – his line) and I got down to fussing his dog. I’m really not a dog person having been bitten by a Great Dane when I was nine but Mad Max is urging a rethink and we really have hit it off. Josh’s wife Lyndsey says that I’m Max’s favourite person. I’ll take that.

It was time to start thinking Speedway. The last ever race meeting at Perry Barr Stadium, Birmingham Brummies v Leicester Lions, before it is flattened for housing. To my none West Midlands readers, Perry Barr is an area of Birmingham – not a pear cider stall at a beer festival.

I’d mentioned earlier on that whilst mooching around Perry Barr 10 years ago I’d found a pub by the stadium (which used to hold greyhound racing) called The 7th Trap but it was closed and hoped it might be open this evening. Josh didn’t know of it but researched it. “It’s coming up permanently closed” he said. “Oh, it’s not there anymore. They’ve put a McDonald’s on it.” “Well” I replied “that’s one way of permanently closing it. Put a McDnald’s on it.” “Ronald, we’re not lovin’ it.” Nice line Josh.

My ideal Happy Meal is a cheese, onion and black pudding crusty cob, packet of pork scratchings and a pint. Yeah, keeping the pub would have been better.

As I’d not been to Speedway before I had questions. “What end are we going in? As it’s the last night, are we allowed to invade the track at the end and grab souvenirs?” There were probably others.

We got to Perry Barr. Josh pointed out the McDonald’s. I flicked the v’s at it. We walked to the round. Josh, now accompanied with his son George strolled in, whilst I fannied around taking pictures. As I approached, the gate was closed on me. I was puzzled. “Have I got to use another entrance?” I asked. “We’re full” the gatekeeper said “not letting anyone else in.” Regular blog readers will know that I never query anything. Josh noticed I wasn’t alongside and came back to the gate as I just stood there. He told the man that I was with them and I was allowed in. Cheers Josh. I was already planning what I was having in McDonald’s whilst waiting for them. (Double Fillet O’Fish meal with large toffee latte and a Jaffa Cake McFlurry side mission if you must know.) Josh had said that the McDonalds should have 7 traps in the toilet in honour of the pub name and I’d have certainly checked that out. Should have been insisted on in the planning application. The pictures I had taken were shit by the way. It was a brutal lesson in not fannying around.

In the queue to get in I had another of my stupid moments. I thought ‘God the traffic is bad around here’ upon hearing the sound of numerous motorbikes. Totally forgetting that there was a motor bike event starting to the left of me. I felt a bit bad as I may have taken the place of someone who had been coming 40 years and there was soon a lengthy queue by the gate but more folk were let in so I relaxed.

We missed the first race due to being in the bar, well we had to bring a bit of a Walsall FC match feel to the proceedings but we were in the stand, almost level with the finishing post – for race 3 and I got into it. Josh explained that the match could finish 45-45 and then a super heat would decide it. 45-45?That would impress Zager and Evans if they are Speedway fans.

Josh made friends with the people behind and set about asking them lots of questions which I ear wigged in on. If it was left to me to do this research it wouldn’t have happened and I was more than happy to sub let this job to him.

Between the races there are random songs played. At one point we had Wannabe, The Lion Sleeps Tonight into Wunderbar. There is a two minute warning for the riders to leave the pits. I wanted this. When I’m out with Chris Kelly he always gives a 2 minute warning ahead of leaving the pub and it would have been nice to play this for him.

A man en route to the loo manged to kick Josh and George’s drinks over. Mine was on safer ground in my hand. Josh rushed off to get replacements. He rang me shortly afterwards but I couldn’t hear a thing as, you know there were loud motorbikes going by.

The man returned and said he’d get replacement drinks and I said Josh was already on the case. He said he still wanted to get them so asked what Josh looked like. So I described his outfit. “Yeah but what does he look like?” I went straight into don’t do this to me mode. I can’t describe what I look like and I know how I look off by heart. I tell you, if I ever have to give a statement to the Police, my assailant would look nothing like the artists impression. I showed the man a picture of Josh and off he went in the direction of the bar.

A few minutes later Josh called again, and I could hear him this time. He asked me to bring the plastic glasses as they’d run out. I mentioned that the man was on the way to buy replacements but I was told to bring them anyway. He’d totalled George’s glass. In the bar Josh was at the front, somewhat exasperated but easy to find. There was no sign of the man. I deduced that the search party had been called off pretty quickly. Back outside and Josh had me trying to identify the man. The evening was turning into an edition of Crimewatch.

Back on the track and a rider came off his bike causing the race to be red lighted and stopped. The dj immediately started to play “Red Light Spells Danger” no idea if this was coincidence or deliberate but I loved it.

After the 10th race we had “Snooker Loopy” over the p.a system. “Has the dj just thought it’s the last night night, fuck it. I’m going off the play list” was Josh’s thoughts on this utter randomness.

The man to my left had been getting a bit animated and at one point we made eye contact. He smiled and said “this is hard work.” I smiled and nodded in agreement, not knowing really what I was agreeing to. At the start of the next race he shouted “for fucks sake.” Yep, deffo hard work.

I decided on a toilet visit. On the way into the bar there was a lady carrying a tray with a least 10 pints on it. Possibly more. I didn’t stop to do a proper audit but I did start to think that love at first sight really could be a thing.

The urinals were busy so I headed into a cubicle. It was already proving to be an emotional night and it looked like someone had been crying all over the toilet seat.

Before the last race they played “The Final Countdown” prior to the last 2 minute warning. That got me emotional. Leicester won the night 58-32. Afterwards there were speeches and riders did final laps and wheelies over the finishing line.

Josh asked his new friends how the attendance compared to normal nights and they said it would be less than a quarter of this, and I felt guilty again. I thoroughly enjoyed the night though and it was good to be a part of history. Speedway is a million times better watching than listening to commentary.

Walking down the street afterwards I heard an announcement on the p.a and commented that it was a nice touch. “What is?” asked Josh. “They are going to let people walk around the track and take pictures.” “Do you want to?” His voice was an octave higher than his default vocal tone. “Not really” I replied. “Oh Evo.” His voice had quickly dropped to 2 or 3 octaves lower than his default setting.

It had been a superb day in the Sun. August Bank Holiday Monday used to be all about Walsall matches but that doesn’t happen anymore so it was great to do new things. We rounded the day off with a bit of sight seeing on the journey back to mine.

Josh dropped me off and I was soon tucked up in bed ready to go back to work. I was still chuckling at Rastaurant.

October 2025 update and the Perry Barr stadium is now being demolished https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/birmingham-landmark-gone-forever-bulldozers-32735056

.

A week last Saturday Walsall were away at Barnet. I’d stopped the night at a hotel in Eastcote following an evening in Pinner. But now it was time for the main part of the weekend. Football.

Barnet are back in The Football League after running away with the Conference title last season. Since we last played them they have moved to a new ground so lots of us were up for getting a new tick. Barnet made the ticket arrangements a bit odd though. Our season ticket holders were sent a code which would allow them to buy tickets. Josh and I have swapped roles as season ticket holders this season. He got one while I dropped off. Thankfully he got me a ticket but many of us raised an eyebrow (or two) at the cost of £26. I took the Stella Artois approach though. Walsall FC “reassuringly expensive.”

Josh said he’d pick me up from my hotel. (The people in room 53 still had the do not disturb sign on). I’d barely got my seat belt on and Josh started the banter, “you got your ticket geezer?” I laughed at his question “yeah good one fella.” He shot me a look. “I’m not messing. Haven’t you got it?” “No, you didn’t give it me.” Somehow he’d brought his and his son’s but not mine. He came up with a plan. He phone the hotel, pretended to be me and asked if they could print the ticket. I was quire disappointed that he didn’t do an actual impression of me though. I’d love to hear that.

He drove us to Pinner. He’d researched and we were soon at Silver Grill Cafe. It was busy. Always a good sign. We got our drinks. “Do you want sugar?” he asked. “Is there a sweetener?” I asked. “You’re such a ponce” he retorted. I settled for brown sugar. Mick Jagger would have been very impressed. He was right with the ponce bit though. At this point he was one of only 3 people that knew about my cheese and wine antics from the night before.

I paid up. It was a friendly place but I did wonder how they keep tabs on folk. I’m used to cash up front for breakfasts.

We headed back to Eastcote to my hotel. Josh – still pretending to be me, went into Reception to print my ticket. Thank God it was a different Receptionist or she’d have been thinking ‘he seems taller, thinner, younger and better looking than yesterday. And where did he get that hair from? He was bald yesterday’ He got back in the car clutching A4 goodness. He didn’t go all Neville Chamberlain “I have in my hand a piece of paper.” He was parked on a bend though so really not the time for pre World War 1 impressions.

Josh didn’t fancy paying to park at my hotel so we found a parking space by the tube station. Final song we heard before parking was “Push The Button” my second favourite song by Sugababes. Nice nod to founding member Siobhan Donaghy who was born in Eastcote, although she had left the group 4 years before that song came out.

We got the Metropolitan Line, but had to change at Wembley Park. Josh’s turn for the bad memories of May to come back. We were soon on the Jubilee Line and heading to Canons Park. Josh knows how much I love the London Underground so it was good to have him with me on it. I’ve only used it about 8 times but am addicted to all the “we got to get to this station to get that line” stuff. Marvellous.

Barnet no longer play in said town but are now based at The Hive near Edgware. I loved the old ground Underhill. I went 4 times. The fabulous 3-1 win in April 1995 on the way to promotion is the standout result but a 3-0 defeat in early November 1992 which had us Saddlers singing Christmas Carols, hymns and Andy Collins doing some very vigorous air organ playing was memorable. The chant of “Barnet, give us a hymn. Barnet Barnet give us a hymn” remains with me. They didn’t. It was probably my favourite 3-0 defeat ever. Barnet’s only win over us I think but more than willing to be wrong.

My final visit was for a random Tuesday night 0-0 (could have been 1-1, I’ve slept since then)in a 2001 friendly. I missed the draw in 2006 on our way to the league title as I was moving home yet again. That was our last visit.

Anyway we arrived at Canons Park, now accompanied by Shaun and Julie and had no trouble finding the ground. We then obviously found the pub. Moranos. This was a narrow, dimly lit (as most are nowadays) pub with plenty of Saddlers fans (big hellos to Claire and Adam) and a few Barnet for balance. We grabbed drinks and headed outside. We were joined by my former SciChem colleague and absolute legend Don Mills, his son Chris and grandson Alfie. We’d bumped into them down the road, and they were walking towards the ground. We talked them into an about turn.

Don and I soon got chatting. He said that he’d read on my blog about me not having a working tv since 2023, and asked if I wanted a spare one in his garage. I readily agreed. He explained that it’s a curved tv. Being a technophobe that meant nothing to me but it sounds really advanced so will stick out like a sore thumb in my house.

We had a few laughs, along with Chris who is an absolute top lad and I’m still grateful to him for putting me in touch with my mortgage adviser/miracle worker. Back in 2017 than only thing in worse shape than my physical form was my credit rating. How she got me a mortgage still astounds me.

We weren’t the last Walsall fans to leave the pub. I’ve changed. At the ground I lost Josh when I was held up at the security checks. I wasn’t trying to smuggle anything moody into the ground, honest.

First person I saw in the ground was Rob Harvey who was on the front row so I joined him. We took the lead within two minutes. I rushed forward hoping to be seen on the tele celebrating but I’ve not had chance to view the footage yet. It was 2 nil soon afterwards and it was looking like we’d run riot. Barnet got a poor goal back and I headed for the loo.

I took a wrong turn on the way (honest) and ended up in the bar. I wasn’t drinking though. I’d seen a Facebook post about how expensive the beer is at the ground. Someone from Dublin had been at their first game and called the £8 for Guinness “extortionate.” If someone who has likely been in The Temple Bar is calling your beer expensive then it needs a look at at. I popped to the food kiosk and there was no queue. Perfect. I glanced at the menu on the counter. Cheeseburger £9. I paid that price for cheeseburger and chips at Wembley so wasn’t feeling paying the same for just the burger. The lad however had come over to serve me so I felt committed. “A cheeseburger please” I said. He checked with his colleague. “They’ll be about 5 minutes” he said. “No problem” I said cheerfully, “I’ll pop back” and I fled.

I joined Josh in the stand and at half time we went to the bar. It’s a great set up to be fair. The bar area is massive. They could hold a Subbuteo tournament in there with all the first round matches taking place at the same time and there would still be room to queue for beer. Upon walking in I got a chant of “Evo Evo Evo” from a couple of folk. Josh thought ‘he’ll love that’ and he was right.

I spoke to Dean and Kerry. When shaking the former’s hand he commented how soft my skin is and invited Kerry to have a feel. Possibly the strangest half time experience in a while. I got talking to Paul and Simon who despite living in Yorkshire, go to all Walsall games. I only did one away game in the league last season so was called a “new ground wanker” and “part timer” which made me laugh. Guilty as charged on both counts.

I caught up with a few folk at half time. John, Kimbo, Ian, Granty, James, Ian, Jayne, Dan, Asps, Tomo,Sean and Panda. Panda asked “have you had a burger?”. “no” I replied “they are £9”. “And they’re shit” he responded. Nice one Panda. I could learn a lot on the art of food reviewing from him. Short and to the point. Apologies to anyone that I’ve missed.

Barnet had a man sent off, I can’t comment as I was still in the bar even though I wasn’t drinking. I made it back up into the stand around the 60th minute. Despite our man advantage Barnet played well and we really had to dig in but held on for the win. I initially thought our second half was shit but now appreciate that we fought and battled for the shirt, and did what we had to. Bit more of that in the second half of last season and this fixture wouldn’t have happened. I thought referee Abigail Byrne had a really good game. I was chuffed at full time as it’s always nice to see an away win. Especially when the home fans have a drum.

We were soon back at Wembley Park. My previous visits have been football related but this time the football was all concert goers, mostly female dressed in an array of styles and varying levels of skimpiness. I risked a smile at a lass and she reciprocated. Then headed up the stairs with her boyfriend. I certainly didn’t smile at anyone at Wemley Park after the match in May.

Josh’s son George who is 6, thought out train was two minutes away but it wasn’t for us. Josh gave him a quick lesson in how the Metropolitan Line has different branches. Go on Josh, get the London Underground buzz in him early. Said train, heading to Watford pulled in. “Train comes and I know it’s destination.” At last, a Sugababes lyric that Siobhan can get on board with. A train to Uxbridge followed and on we hopped on. Josh dropped me back at my hotel and headed home.

The people in room 53 still weren’t up for being disturbed so I quietly entered my room. In the bathroom I applied some of the complimentary hand cream. Now I know how smooth my skin is, I want to keep it that way. I ventured out into Eastcote. There are loads of food places but I was fancying curry so headed into Mumbai Zing. This was busy at 8.30 and I felt guilty at occupying a table for four. I went into sod it I’m on holiday mode and ordered a starter as well as main. Chicken Lollypops which I’ve never heard of. Food was excellent. Only a couple of little quibbles, the starter being slightly dearer on the bill than on the menu and the Roman Numeral clock displaying 4 as IIII instead of IV, a minor pet peeve of mine. I was more bothered by the clock to be honest and I’d exchanged smiles a couple of times with one of the female staff, so let both slide.

I headed into Three Wishes and it was decked out exactly the same as the one in Pinner the night before, albeit it with the 70’s style lampshades at the other end. I wondered if this was a local chain as my mate Asps had checked into a place with the same name in Edgware before kick off. I only had one in here and headed back. Still no movement from number 53. I was starting to wonder if they were dead.

On the Sunday as I was leaving my room I noticed that the people in number 53 had changed their sign to “please make the room up.” I don’t know if I was excited, relieved or just plain jealous that they’d not been disturbed all weekend. Either way in my excitement I left the door card in the slot and gave a grovelling apology to the man on on Reception as I checked out.

I had planned to have breakfast in the hotel, but the day before I spotted a cafe when Josh was looking for a space, the other side of the station so i would have missed it if it wasn’t for Josh. Picnic Cafe was busy for a Sunday morning. I got a table right by the door and the man was over to take my order before I’d even sat down. I had a marvellous breakfast and 3 quid cheaper than would have been at the hotel. Again they were very trusting and brought food out without payment first. In Walsall it’s strictly “no bunce, no bacon.”. I had a street view with a welcome breeze and could watch the world go by.

I had wanted to visit Bucket List Coffee but basically I fucked up and opted to head straight back to Euston “just to make sure I got there ok.” I’m too cautious for my own good at times and was there 90 minutes before my train. I sat outside in the glorious Sun for an hour.

On the train I was sat by a very attractive lady who was already in her aisle seat. I asked if she’d like the window seat but she declined saying “I prefer the aisle seat”. I wondered to myself if it was just so she could get away from me quicker at New Street. Yep, she was off with her luggage whilst the train was still moving. The last carriage was possibly still leaving Birmingham International.

I exchanged smiles with a lass across the aisle. Turned out it was a lady I’d done a panto with in 2016 but I didn’t recognise her. She did me though. Off the train, New Street was doing it’s usual escalator not working hilarity. She struggled to lift her case up the escalator so I offered. I think she was smuggling house bricks. In hindsight I should have slung my bag over my shoulder and double handed her case. People behind me were tutting. One bloke shouted “I’m going to miss my connection, you fat prick.” He didn’t really. I made that bit up to keep you interested.

Train back to Walsall was on time and I was soon home with the kettle and radio on. Standard for me upon entering the house. Superb weekend. Cheers all.

I decided to make a weekend of Barnet (a). I booked a hotel in Eastcote for the weekend at £100 a night, not including breakfast but then I remembered two big factors. London and August. I also decided to treat myself to a first class train for the journey there. Bit swanky for a working class lad but I thought ‘sod it.’ I recently went 4 weekends without drinking booze so I thought the money I saved could go towards some nice things. Although to be fair, the money that old me would spend on booze in just 1 weekend would have covered that ticket.

This came with 2 hours in the first class lounge at Birmingham New Street and an hour upon arrival in Euston. I immediately wondered if there might be celebrities in the lounge at Euston. The first one that came to mind? Kelly Clarkson. Not sure why she would be at said terminus at rush hour on a Friday. Unless it was for song inspiration. But I don’t think My Life Would Suck Without Euston would have been such a worldwide smash hit.

I got to New Street about 2 hours and 10 before my train. I decided to loiter on the concourse by the mossiv destination boards. I didn’t want to get to the lounge bang on for the start of my 2 hour slot. Well, actually I did but you know what I mean. Let a few minutes slide first to make it look good.

I heard from alongside me “fuck sake! Really?” A man was looking up at the boards. I could see cancellations of a train to Manchester and also Walsall. Not sure which had irked him. I love Manchester but could totally understand if his arrival in Walsall was what had been delayed.

Whilst standing there a man approached. “Are you a Walsall fan?” he asked. I get this a lot and it’s my favourite question so I said “yes.” “Do you write food reviews?” I confirmed this and he said “Oh I thought I recognised you. I love reading them.” I thanked him, shook his hand and wished him a good weekend. Proper made me smile that interaction.

It was soon time for me to say “fuck sake! Really?” The first class lounge was closing at 2pm. I’d already shaved 15 minutes off my allowance by playing it cool and now I was losing 40 minutes off the other end. The lady was apologetic saying there was no staff to cover the afternoon shift. I accepted the apology. Not her fault, and if she’s done for the weekend then she’s entitled to go home. If my train had been at 4pm though I’d have had the place up.

I made use of the complimentary snack and drinks until chucking out time and spent while reading a book on the concourse. On board the staff were keen to get down to business. I’d got a coffee before leaving New Street and a free ham and egg roll before we reached Birmingham International.

At Euston I had to hunt for the lounge. Turns out it’s upstairs. Last place I looked. Didn’t know there is an upstairs. I had more complimentary snacks and drinks. This was purely an exercise in clawing back some value from the £4.50 egg mayo sandwich that I bought at this station after the play off defeat in May. I didn’t spot any celebrities. Good job really as I was walking round with my now trademark loose shoelace, flapping about. A bloke that looked like Lewis Capaldi was as close as I got to a celeb.

The Metropolitan Line was not messing around and I was soon in Eastcote, although I could have done without the stop at Wembley Park. I wasn’t ready to see that so soon after the play off defeat.

It was a glorious day as I left the station. Passing Aldi, a lady exited and put her umbrella up. I glanced at the sky. Barely a cloud. Perhaps she saw me and thought ‘it’s raining men, hallelujah. Actually I might shield myself from that one.’

I was in room 54 at he hotel and the people in room 53 had the “do not disturb sign” on the door. They must have been having a good time if they still didn’t want disturbing at 6pm. Fair play to them. My lack of grasp of technology continues. In the shower I had to fiddle with a knob to get it to work. But then, what I had been waiting a couple of months for. Pinner Time.

Pinner, in North West London is the home of Chris Stark. Scott Mills’s last co-host on Radio 1. Chris used to be a part of The Who Game on Scott’s show. On this, people would say a thing or person that you don’t do or hear of anymore like going to a video shop or using a payphone then give it a big “whooooooo.” It’s much funnier than I’ve made it sound.

First mission upon reaching Pinner was to find a taxi rank or base. As much as I love the Underground “I don’t want to go down in a tube station at midnight” and all that. I’d done no research prior to arrival on pubs and stuff which is unlike me. This time I wanted to explore like a modern day Erik The Red. I saw a cafe called The Pinner Table which I liked the name of but sadly closed. I found a proper old school red phonebox, which is now doubling up as a book swap hub. The phone is still in there though. If I’d had some change I’d have made a call just in case Chris Stark was passing and wanted to give me a “whoooooo.”

I couldn’t find taxi facilities. I had my mate Rollo’s voice in my head saying “get Uber on your phone.” Yeah yeah Rollo, one day. I was giving up, walked just a bit more, decided to have one last look down a side street, and found a pub. Oddfellows Arms. Go on then, while I’m here.

The man I assumed to be the landlord was wearing a shirt and tie. Can’t remember the last time I saw this. The sign on the door advised “over 21’s.” I must be starting to look over 21 nowadays as they didn’t ask for i.d. I sat by the open door with a nice breeze blowing through. It was still really hot. Not hot enough for a lady that I’d followed out the tube station in Eastcote who had a big coat on.

There was a nice yard out the back with covered seating and more of a breeze. This was a nice start but there was more wandering to do. Next up was Three Wishes. I had 3 wishes. 1) Find a taxi rank, 2) get Uber on my phone. I’ll save the third for when I’m back in my hotel.

This was a great venue. It had 1970’s style lampshade at one end of the bar with modern lighting through the rest of the place. Loads of retro advertising signs, some of which would look good alongside the ones in my kitchen. There was also lots of football ground signs. I couldn’t see Vicarage Road though, home of Watford who must be the closest club. Mind I couldn’t see Bescot Stadium, home of my beloved Walsall FC either. That one must be still on the way from the manufacturer in China.

The barmaid was really friendly so after a bit of fresh air out the front (standing room only inside) I went back up the bar and asked her about taxis. She gave me a local number. I’m starting to get good at this asking people stuff lark.

I went to Queen’s Head next. I made a canine friend as soon as I walked in and gave him a fuss. In here there was a freezer full of ice cream in front of the bar, genius and another book swap. They clearly don’t like holding on to books round here. I tried to find the toilet and ended up outside in an area called Mix And Mingle. Too quote Kryten from Red Dwarf “there were just two small drawbacks” in my case here 1) I don’t mix. 2) I don’t mingle. Academic anyway as I was quickly moved on from the table I had plonked myself down on by a couple claiming it was theirs. No probs, I headed back inside.

A couple were now delved deep into the freezer of ice cream. I don’t really dabble with the 7 Deadly Sins nowadays but I must confess to a bit of Envy at this juncture. Yes I could have bought my own but you know, my budget was only for alcohol. Not dairy products.

Across the road is Hand In Hand. There was only 3 draft lagers in here and I hadn’t heard of any of them. The barman started to go through the bottles but I just grabbed a Diet Coke and sat outside the front.

On my earlier mooch I’d found a cheese and wine bar called Mouse & Grape. This had to be done. I had the Monty Python Cheese Shop sketch going through the my head as I entered. The counter was full of cheese though unlike that shop. I considered asking for Norwegian Jarlsberg but I’m boring and went for Cheddar. You know I said earlier that I didn’t have budget for dairy products? Yeah, bollocks to that. I wanted both of these words colliding. I’m no wine expert but like a Rose. She asked what size and gave options. I was never going to go for the smaller glass.

First song that came on when I sat down was Hotel California. I smirked at the line “So I called up The Captain. “Please bring me my wine”. He said “we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969″”

The cheese went first, then I started on the wine. Over the past few years I have started to acquire the reputation of being a ponce amongst my friends. Thank God none of them will ever know about this. Next song was “You Can Go Your Own Way” and I started to think this was a good idea. The plan had been to go to a pub called The Case Is Altered the other side of my hotel but I was now thinking bed. After eating cheese. Not a great plan.

I’d seen stairs on the way in and wondered if there was a loo up there. Turns out it was in the room but behind a door with all the snacks assembled on. Great marketing. Need a pee? Check out our range of nibbles en route.

I finished my wine, ordered my taxi and thanked the two lovely ladies who were behind the counter. I gave the driver my standard £1 tip totally forgetting that I was in London. Feel free to write in the comments what you can buy in London for a quid. I’ll wait.

Back at the hotel, the people in room 53 still didn’t want to be disturbed. I turned the tv on but it was of the smart variety. Not the sort I’ve used. I tried to find the channel guide but couldn’t. I went on YouTube. I knew from going to Josh’s house that YouTube on his tv has a little keyboard thing so I found the Roxette “Look Sharp” album and stuck that on, turning it down a bit so as not to disturb the folk in no 53.

A short while later, in bed I stretched and my elbow hit the remote control. No idea how I did it but it brought up the tv guide. Actually, I missed a bit of vital information there. It brought up the tv guide which was set to Babestation. It was reassuring to know that the previous occupant of my room had enjoyed his stay.

Fab night. I really liked Pinner. Sod it, I wanna relive it. *Goes to grab cheese and wine from fridge and yell “Alexa. Play Hotel California.”*

I was recently invited to a joint stag/hen do for my friends Nick (also known as Antony) and Michelle. Not been to a joint one before, and it was at Ming Moon in Birmingham, which I was at for the legend that is Sean Westwood’s birthday last year so I had no hesitation in accepting the invite.

I first met Nick at a Creative Writing course in 2009, where we did this over two academic years, although I missed the first 4 months of the second year as I couldn’t afford it. It was him who got my into the AMCS am dram, and it was through this that I met Michelle in 2014 when they became a couple.

It had been a lazy day. All I had done was pop to town. I needed some vitamin pills, and I spotted some over 50’s ones so opted for them as that is what am I nowadays – I still identify as a twenty something though. Typically, the lass serving was fine and here I was buying probably the most uncool thing I ever have. This coming from a man who purchased a Sonia single from Sundown Records back in the day. Not even the big Sonia hit. I also listened to the Walsall match against Gillingham on WM which sounded shit.

At Walsall Railway Station, my Investigative Journalist tenancies kicked in when I spotted across the tracks, a man enter the station on platform 1. He walked all the way down, passing all the benches and into the dark bit where nobody goes, unassumingly up to the barrier. I couldn’t see what he was up to due to a large bush but he was there about a minute then walked back out onto the street. I have my suspicions as to what occurred.

Train was on time and I was soon at Birmingham New Street with the usual array of sights that are afforded there from a lass looking stunning in a white dress and (I assume) Doc Martin boots through to a man with a traffic cone on his head.

I was outside Ming Moon before most of the others. I was too scared to go inside so loitered outside. There was a cycle lane next to where I was stood with concrete blocks at the end and it was like watching a real life version of the 1980’s arcade classic Paper Boy as cyclists tried to dodge pedestrians, vehicles and those blocks.

Soon the limo carrying the main bulk of delegates for the party arrived. Nick is an atheist as just as people were getting out of the limo, along came a man loudly proclaiming how great God is. He couldn’t have timed it any better. As a footnote, those words were wasted on me. I saw Martin O’Connor play for Walsall so am already quite aware of how great God is.

Michelle’s bestie Emma Cartwright rushed over to give me a badge for the night which I quickly popped on my shirt. It was then hellos to some very good people who I’ve not seen in a while like Emma Padley, Mark Nicholls, Lynn, Nicks kids Eleanor and Matthew, Bethany and her mom Angie and we were soon joined by the absolute top lad Danny and his wife Tara. I’d only met Tara once before, on my birthday bash in 2021 where it’s fair to say that I was a little bit refreshed by the time they turned up so it was nice to finally speak to her properly.

We were in The Peaky Blinders room, named The Garrison Tavern and decked out in people from the show. Wasted on me mind, I’ve never seen a second of it. This room is situated on the main floor of the place. No going down a spiral staircase with plates of food like last time. I could have worn my high heels after all.

I have a tendency to over think things and today’s bout came while the karaoke machine was being set up. I wondered if someone requests a Milli Vanilli song, do they then have to get someone else to perform it to keep it realistic? One for AI there me thinks.

First son that came up had Chinese words. Tara and I swapped puzzled glances. “The only Chinese I know is sweet and sour king prawn balls” was my contribution to the situation.

The first English song that came up was “Don’t Stop Me Now” but nobody claimed it. Me and Danny were singing along and a microphone was thrust in my face. I pulled back and said “not without a beer in me.” I still hadn’t been to the bar at this point. I sat forward and the microphone was again presented to me. I cleared my throat and said into it “A pint of Carling please.” Maybe I should have sung it but I hadn’t had a vocal warm up.

Nick who actually hates karaoke was first up singing a song from School Of Rock. Main character Dewey Finn was Nick’s dream role to play and he got to do it recently and he totally nailed the song.

We hit the bar. Madri was £5.79 a pint. I’ll take that. Not bad for Birmingham City Centre. I’ve not had a Walsall FC Madri yet this season but I bet it’s in touching distance of that now. We relaxed with beer in front of us. Danny leaned forward. “I’ve got a question, and if anyone knows it, it’ll be you.” “Oooh, go on.” “I heard this today.How many Wetherspoons are there in the whole of the country?” “I don’t know for sure. and they have got rid of a few lately. I’ll go 790.” His face was a picture. “Bloody hell, you’re 13 out. It’s 803.” I’ll take that. He went up the bar and got us Jagerbombs, I’ll take that as a prize for nearly getting a question right.

Food time. I’d warned everyone in the event group chat to get to the pork belly before me or face disappointment. The plates here are slightly on the small size but there is no limit to the amount of times you can go up. After the last visit I did toy with the idea of taking my own big plate along like Alan Partridge. Anyway, I got pork belly, crispy king prawn and lemon chicken along with other goodness. Marvellous.

I didn’t have as much on my second run but then spotted battered fish which I’d missed the first time. The piece on top was noticeably the biggest and suddenly my plate looked full again, not that I give a shit about that. I moved towards the penultimate tray which had the chicken curry in, which I’d also missed on the first run. A man was carefully sifting out the mushroom from this. Scandalous. You’d never catch me doing that. Anyway, I got this curry, after sifting out the mushroom of course and was about to walk away when a man appeared. “Can I take a picture of your plate for Instagram please?” I was taken aback but muttered a half hearted agreement and he took it. I looked at the massive fish. I’m not on Insta but have been meaning to get on it. I guess I’m now on there. Not quite how I had in mind though. Not sure if hash tags are a thing on there but if they are I bet #lookatthisfatfucksplate was soon being used. I’m glad I hadn’t done a Partridge and taken my own big plate.

After my 2nd trip to the bar, upon returning to The Garrison Tavern, a big round of applause went up. Either a) a cracking song had just finished, b) they were all really pleased to see me back in the room or c) I was famous on Insta already. I’m taking option b but guessing it was a. I thanked them for the applause anyway and made it all about me. Standard.

I hadn’t put a song request in. I was in a room full of much better singing stage performers, so was happy to let them entertain me. I had thought of doing my moody version of McFly’s “Obviously” but thought that might bring the mood down. Not that that usually bothers me. Nick got up to sing “1985” by Bowling For Soup and I was immediately “I’ll have me a bit of that” and jumped up hoping to piggy back his performance. He handed me a mic and we nailed it.

I popped out for a dessert and found a row of big food pots at the back of the room, which I’d never seen before. One was absolutely crammed full of king prawns. I nearly unplugged and carried it back to the room. Stick that on Insta George. Instead I had an ice cream and a negligible amount of profiteroles.

There were some more great performances in the room. Nobody claimed “Someone Like You” by Adele so Danny was offered the mic, and despite protesting “I’m a man” he did a great rendition. Had it been “Hello” by said songstress, I’d have been all over it. I regularly belt that out whilst washing up.

Wlwanor did a fab rendition of “Demons” by Imagine Dragons. I once had tickets to see them in Manchester but was frustratyed by a rail strike so it was good to finally hear this sung live.

Nick did the final two. “Bohemian Rhapsody” which turned into a room wide sing along and then Green Day’s “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” A magnificent song to round things off.

We headed outside. I was last out of the restaurant. I always liked to be last off stage in AMCS shows so it was fitting to recreate that with so many of them in attendance.

Outside Danny asked what I was doing, I said “quick one in Wetherspoons at New Street then last train back.” Got to New Street and I could be arsed so just went to the loo. All the urinals had clientele so I dived in a cubicle, which is unusual for me. I’ve seen some sights in these over the years, some grimmer than others. Here along side the loo was the packing from a meal deal. Was a bloke on a diet and snook off from his missus to demolish some calories on the sly or was he just being polite to his fellow passengers by not eating on board the train? I couldn’t call this one. You decide. No public vote like on Big Brother.

Train was on time and I was joined by 3 ladies, one of whom clocked my badge asking if I’d been on a stag. Nice ice breaker and I actually spoke once or twice. One of them used to go out with a Big Brother contestant, and whilst I’m no eavesdropper I couldn’t help but hearing some decent insights.

Back in Walsall I pondered a night cap as I’d only had two pints all night but instead took a very pleasant amble home over Church Hill.

Thanks to Nick and Michelle for the invite, and to Emma for organising it. Hope you have a brilliant wedding day. I’ll try and make the start.

Two weeks ago my mate Daz messaged saying “I have a mission I need you for.” I was immediately intrigued and responded reflecting this. He came back saying he wanted to visit a heritage pub in Erdington along with a couple of others and thought I’d be up for it. He knows me well. I was.

We arranged it for last Saturday but messaged on Friday to make the final arrangement. Meet at Walsall Railway Station at midday, change at Aston, job’s a good un. I did suggest maybe changing at Duddeston as it’s the same island platform, to save walking the streets to change at Aston. He knows I’m obsessed with Duddeston and called out my agenda immediately. However, he’s never ticked off that station so was fine with this.

My t-shirt ironing songs, as a YouTube mix was on, were “Rush Hour” by Jane Wiedlin and “Still Life” by The Horrors. Two great but somewhat different songs. I’d love to do both on karaoke but the latter might freak out all the ladies in the pub. Imagine me belting out “when you waaaaake up, when you waaaaake up, you will find me.” They’d all want to stay awake like in Nightmare On Elm Street.

Daz’s bus was held up in traffic as Stafford Street has gone to shit at the mo but we made the train with seconds to spare. It pulled out just as our arses touched seats. First randomness of the day was when someone got on at Perry Barr singing the Postman Pat theme.

“We changing at Duddeston?” he asked. I confirmed but was quick to stress that it’s not quite as picturesque as Moor Street. “That’s fine. I’m intrigued.” We were soon there and just loitering on the platform when a lady marched up. “Is this where I get the train to Lichfield?” she asked. I said “Yes, usually but this one isn’t going as far as Lichfield, only Four Oaks.” “Why isn’t it going to Lichfield?” she demanded. Proper arsey. “I honestly don’t know.” I felt helpless. I don’t like having gaps in my knowledge even though there are millions across a wide range of subject. We saw the next one was also only going to Four Oaks. She used the intercom and was told to change at Aston. The man on the intercom didn’t sound convincing. We weren’t convinced. I don’t think she was. We wished her luck. We still had 18 minutes till our train. “Shall we explore?” I asked Daz. Of course he agreed.

We had a mooch upstairs and out on the street- Daz showing off by looking over the bridge which was above my head height. It was almost time for the train but there was one last bit of exploration to do. “Shall we get the lift?” I asked. He nodded. The doors opened, which half surprised me. Daz was like “it’s a bit pungent.” “Yeah” I agreed “Tell me the station doesn’t have a toilet without telling me the station doesn’t have a toilet.”

Our first pub in Erdington was The Red Lion, the heritage pub that Daz wanted to tick off. Just 3 minutes walk from the station. “It was built in 1899” Daz said. “Hmmm. Convenient” I said. “Highgate Brewery opened the year before. The elders of the town must have demanded somewhere to drink this goodness from Walsall.”

Daz headed in while I fannied around outside taking pictures. He got the beer and we sat down. “It’s really friendly in here” he said. “Everyone said hello when I walked in.” “They all ignored me” I replied. Yeah, I told them to.”

Initial thoughts were that the pub interior, especially the tiled bar reminded me of The Bartons Arms. It’s been that long since I’ve been in there though so I could be talking utter shit. Wouldn’t be the first time. Music was varied starting with The Kooks and at one point “YMCA” got an airing. “Shall we get up on the table and do the dance?” asked Daz. I’ve done this dance on my own in front of a packed Prince Of Wales theatre audience, but wasn’t reeally feeling it at this point.

There were two model skeletons behind the bar – well I assume they were models. I instructed Daz to find out their names. I was never going to ask and as the locals liked him so much it would have been better for him to ask. Daz said his Guinness was the best he’d had in a long time. Really good pub this and a great start to the day.

We headed back the way we came. Daz spotted The World Karate & Kickboxing Association. He wondered why it was here, above a dessert shop in Erdington rather than the far East. I pondered if they have tournaments and the winner gets a Lemon Meringue from downstairs. I started regretting only going to two karate lessons as a kid as referenced in last week’s blog.

Next up was The Swan. My mate Cara worked here for 18 months in the 90’s and was included on my only previous Erdington crawl that myself, Cara and her now husband Paul did back in the day. I made a friend on the way in who loved my Donkey Kong t-shirt. I was amazed at a sight on the bar though. A hot pork scratching dispenser. Never seen one of these before. It had to be done. Delighted to announce that they were great. They are the future. I did’t think that I am future ready but maybe I am. Ray Gray Snacks need to get one or two of these at Bescot Stadium. They’d sell shitloads. The queues would be longer than for the beer. Actually that’s pushing it a little. That Bescot Bar beer queue takes some beating, especially when the match is shit.

Another new thing for us both in here was a sign advising of an app where you can pay for and select songs on the jukebox from your phone. How amazing. You could put on your most embarrassing guilty pleasures and nobody would have a clue. Genius. It’ll no doubt take me 30 years to get this app. By then you’ll probably be able to press a button and the band will appear in front of you to play the song. Actually, I’m already seeing problems with this prediction. I doubt I’ll be presenting Tomorrow’s World any time soon. Anyway, this pub was very busy and quite frankly, great.

We were strolling to Wetherspoons and I spotted something across the road. “Pound Bakery.” I declared. “You read my mind. Shall we?” Daz replied. It was motion carried. Get some hot pastry goodness in me. We were served quickly by two friendly ladies, but then Daz was offered some freebies. Festive Bakes and something else that I didn’t catch the name of. The one lady said that they were trying to get rid of them. I’d spent double what Daz did. Why was he getting freebies? Perhaps they thought I’d got more than enough food, which was true to be fair.

I raised this as we walked round the corner. Daz was also puzzled but said he’d share them with me. “I’m still boycotting the place” was my response. We started to share boycotting stories as he is as up for this course of action as I am. He opened the bag of freebies and offered me one. “I don’t know if I’m too offended to have one or if I should just to show them.” “If I chuck them in the bin, would that make you happy?” he asked. This made us both laugh. His question was academic anyway as he polished them all off before I’d finished my purchases.

Next up was Wetherspoons. The Charlie Hall, possibly the only Spoons where the name is a hybrid of two Walsall FC midfielders from the 24/25 season. We found a table and Daz decided to order via the app. 20 minutes later and we still had no drinks, whilst a couple that walked in with us got their food in half the time. Daz went up the bar and sorted it out. I think me ordering a latte had caused a glitch in The Matrix. Decent enough Spoons this with toilets on the same level.

We continued our walk and saw a shop with it’s own sort of market outside. There was a box of Just Eat shirts. I didn’t believe this until I checked the packaging. “Oh God Daz, just think of the mischief that we could get up to with these. I could walk into McDonald’s in the morning, point at the screen and say I’m here to collect that. Then get outside and moan bloody hell George, you could have ordered a double sausage and egg McMuffin.” I just need to point out here that I would never steal another persons breakfast. This was in jest. Another man’s double Fillet O’Fish on the other hand…My next idea was for us to be the Just Eat strippers. Turn up at hen do’s with food and then undress a bit. Yeah I’m realistic enough to know the woman would only want the food part from me.

Our last Erdington pub was The Church Tavern. Daz had said that this would be the most me pub of the day. I like surprises but this time I decided to check my usual pub website. Only 3 reviews and none of them great. The most positive was from a guy that said it was a locals pub with local language but he didn’t feel threatened. Another said it was “a poor excuse for a pub” and the first one came with guidelines. Don’t go in if you’re alone, a single woman or a wimpy person. (I used to be a Wimpy person but then the one in Walsall became a Burger King.) He continued that he got mutterings and stared at when entering in and (quoting Angry People In Local Newspapers off Facebook here) used the “vows never to return klaxon.” I will point out that that review was 15 years ago and the other two from 2015. I knew straightaway that I wanted to visit this pub.

There were people in the doorway so I loitered over the road trying to get a decent picture without them in. This caused annoyance to a lady with a pram who rocked up alongside me, hoping to cross the road. She clearly didn’t expect this rotund person to be loitering and fannying around with his phone, blocking her view of oncoming traffic. We both made it across safely. I then took a close up shot anyway.

I got a “hello” from a local on the way in. I was liking it already. It was busy but we soon clocked there was a 60th birthday going on for a lady called Alison. The dj was playing some great songs from “You Got It” by Roy Orbison to “Walk Away Renee” (Four Tops version), and also some Black Sabbath as a nod to the local hero Ozzy Osbourne.

The buffet was declared open by the dj but nobody went up. In Walsall a queue forms before the first bit of cling film has been fully removed. Eventually some people did after an hour.

We stayed much longer than planned as it was so good in there. Daz cleared all the cans of Red Stripe whilst I had just a couple of Carlings. At one point a barmaid on glass collecting duty dropped one in front of me. I immediately bent down to pick it up while Daz pooed himself thinking somebody had thrown it.

We had a great time in here and it was easily pub of the day from me. We departed and started to walk back, discussing the day. “All great pubs” Daz started “but if I come to Erdington again and could only do 3 pubs, I’d miss the Wetherspoons.” “Yeah” I agreed, “I’d miss the Wetherspoons and the Pound Bakery.” At this precise moment, Daz – whose eyes are better than mine saw further up the road. “Has somebody thrown paint up the Pound Bakery?” Whilst not up the shutter, someone had definitely had an accident right outside with some gloss. “I actually think you did it” said Daz. “Great, you’re supposed to be my alibi.”

We missed a train by seconds but didn’t have to wait long for the next one and it gave us chance to speculate if that lady at Duddeston had made it Lichfield. We both thought no. We changed at Aston this time. Upon taking the street walk to the other side, I said I’d take the lift. Daz looked at the stairs and said “race ya.” He won but I think it nearly killed him. I settled for the Silver medal and still being able to breathe.

The train was one of those new ones but the token out of order toilet was still present. Upon arriving back at Walsall we both needed the loo. I suggested a piss and pint pit stop in The Red Lion but Daz wanted to go more central. Upon reaching The Tap And Tanner we both dashed to the loo. Daz may have won the race at Aston but was a distant second here. I had no desire to round of a good day by toileting myself.

The Tap sells Inch’s Cider so it was one of those for me. There was also one pack of Bacon Fries left on it’s display card looking sad and miserable so I purchased it. Daz only had a couple of these. Must have still been full from his free goodies.

It was good in The tap. We were joined by Liz, Daz’s missus who I’d not met before and she was lovely. She happily listened to my now numerous travel wishes, even being up for one or two of them. There was a slight incident when a glass collected tried to take mine while there was still a bit of Cider left in it. I quickly stopped her and necked it. I shouldn’t moan. It’s been a while since a woman has tried to grab my Inch’s.

I said my goodbyes and popped to The Walsall Arms for one. Jodi was dj’ing and doing a request a song night. Requesting a song for me is like cracking open a tube of Pringles. Once I’ve popped, I can’t stop. I was only having a quick night cap so couldn’t hang around while Jodi worked through my Live Aid length list of requests. As I type this, a week later I realise in hindsight that had Daz been with me I should have requested “Paint” by Roxette and “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy to continue the main talking point of the day.

Final nightcap came courtesy of Danny’s Chicken. Not been in here since May and they must be missing me as I recently got a leaflet through my door. Not that they know where I live but it was a sign in my eyes. The lad was pleased to see me and gave a decent piece of chicken for free with my order. Hence no paint on the pavement outside Danny’s.

Superb day this, cheers Daz for asking me along. We never did find out the names of the skeletons in The Red Lion though. I guess we’ll have to go back soon. Is there a Greggs in town perchance?

The Robin Hood in Willenhall won Walsall CAMRA’s Pub Of The Year in 2024, and retained the title this year. However this time they made it a double by winning the West Midlands County Pub Of The Year in the next round. Absolute fair play and I believe it’s the first time that this particular accolade has come to Walsall since The Black Country Arms won it in 2015. Even The Sheriff Of Nottingham would have his work cut out trying to quell this Robin Hood’s success.

I am something of a disciple to Salopian and was chuffed that when they moved to their new brewery, Walsall CAMRA were the first group to be invited and I got a free bottle of my favourite beer Lemon Dream on the way out. I’d already bought two as well.

Josh and I regularly pass the pub when we drop off his wife at work and he’s said numerous times how much he’d like to tick it off as he’d never been in. I told him about this award presentation and the entertainment being provided and that I’d really like to have a go at the Archery. He called me Fryer Tuck which is probably quite fitting. Despite this, because I’m such a dumb ass, it still took until 2 days after the presentation for me to make the link between the pub name and archery. Sometimes I need flashing neon lights to spell things out for me.

Last Sunday was presentation day. I was letting YouTube do its thing so song choices were random so my shirt ironing music on this occlusion was “Glory Of Love” by Peter Cetera, from the film The Karate Kid. Great song and always reminds me of my couple of karate lessons as a kid when my parents were trying to find anything that I was interested in or good at. They failed on both counts. I didn’t really take to karate and looking back it would have felt like a bit of a scam buying all those different coloured belts when I’d have been happiest in the white one.

I stopped off at McDonalds en route. Purely because I’d heard there is now a limited edition double Fillet O’Fish. A while ago I was told you could customise your double sausage and egg McMuffin on the selection machine and add an extra sausage. I tired this straight away. I tried to customise a Fillet O’Fish with double sea goodness next time I was in but the option wasn’t there, so I had to dive on this opportunity. It was amazing. The triple sausage and egg McMuffin on the other hand was too much and has not been repeated. I walked out bouncing with all that additional Omega 3 surging through me.

The 529 was on time and we were soon hurtling through Bentley. I knew my journey was nearly done when I head the announcement “next stop, Warwick Avenue.” I always start singing the Duffy hit of the same name at this point. I’d like to think that I’m not the only person who does this but I probably am.

If you’ve not been here before it is a Black Country Ales pub so plenty of hand pulls and amazing looking cobs. Ideal if you’ve not had a double fillet O’Fish on the way. It’s on The Crescent, that road from Darlaston to Willenhall that brings you out by the McDonalds. If you’re on the 529, get off by the Sikh Temple. You’ll just be getting to the chorus of Warwick Avenue by then.

Ambling down The Crescent. I heard “Evo.” Josh and his entourage where already there. I stopped to take pub photos whilst Josh, his wife Lyndsey and their 3 kids headed inside. Inside it was standing room only. Josh and co headed outside whilst I found the Walsall CAMRA Merry Men that were in attendance. They were in the new extension that wasn’t there the last time I blogged about this pub in 2023. The wonderful Wendy and Paul who I’ve not seen for a couple of years were also in. Nice to see you both again.

We were soon joined by CAMRA’s West Midlands Regional Director Shelly Bentley and two of her friends. There were sporting new badges proclaiming “I’m a nice CAMRA member.” I’d like one of those badges but I’m sure nice isn’t the adjective that would be used on mine.

The presentation went well with speeches from Shelly and Alex. They got a well deserved ovation.

It was also announced at this point that due to the totally rubbish weather forecast, that both the Archery and Morris Dancing displays had been cancelled. This was slightly disappointing. The last time I had encountered Morris Dancers was at Birmingham Beer Festival a few years ago and they’d asked for people to join in. My mate Daz did but I was too scared. This time though I was up for it. I’d worn my second baggiest shirt to stoop people seeing my moobs bouncing up and down whilst doing this. This shirt is also one of my smartest. I was, you know, hoping that there might be a Maid Marian in the pub hoping to find her erm Fryer Tuck.

I was also hoping to have a go at the Archery, even though my recent attempts at Darts have been hopeless. I’d been practising singing Bryan Adams’s hit “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” to really set the mood while this was going on. Lucky escape for everyone else then.

Presentation over and I headed outside to find Josh and co, and a dj/singer took over the entertainment. The first song he played was “So You Win Again” pointing out this nod to the pubs awards success. He then started his singing duties with the excellent “Out Of Time” by Chris Farlowe up first, which he nailed.

Josh departed soon afterwards so I joined all the CAMRA folk who had now also headed outside. The nice-ish weather appeared to have clocked off for the day. The singer was belting out “The Sun Aint Gonna Shine Anymore”which certainly seemed feasible, for that day at least, with a glance skywards. The singers best song of the day was “Have I The Right?” by Dead End Kids. I’ve not heard this sung live since my Corroy Products colleague Carl randomly burst into a rendition of it around 1998. The 90’s weren’t all about Brit Pop.

The garden was busy, with a hog roast van also in attendance. Several wasps had also turned up to celebrate the occasion. Dennis managed to catch one in his glass. It took a shine to the remnants of his pint of Golden Thread. “Oh it likes real ale. We ought to sign him up as a member.” Fair play to Dennis, he takes his role as Membership Secretary very seriously. Whilst he was saying that I was thinking how marvellous, making wasps drunk and more aggressive whilst ponder if they would get “Nice CAMRA Member” badges. I think not.

At 4.23pm the heavens opened, and then opened some more. It absolutely pissed down. The garden emptied quickly. I’d say 98% of people got up and ran. It reminded me of the end of the Travis “Driftwood” video. There was only us and a group on another table left. I tried to stand under the umbrella but rain poured down my back. Bloody baggy shirt. Dennis told me to sit on the table which I did. If I’d had a fishing rod I’d have looked like a gnome.

By 4.50 the rain had stopped and it was glorious sunshine. Best weather of the day. The singer had now resumed dj duties and a fair few folk were dancing. I popped to the loo. A sign in front of me advised of a Subbuteo night. I loved playing that as a kid. I was shit but could be tempted by another game. Further along was a sign for (I think) weekly archery sessions. By the time I’d washed my hands, a man had come in and stood next to the sign. I paused to have a quick look but he turned round. He must have thought I was trying to look at his willy but I was honestly trying to read the sign. I’ll have a proper look at the Subutteo night.

I grabbed one last pint. The dj was now playing “Cha Cha Slide”. I’m usually straight in for a bit of this but everyone had stopped dancing and as I approached the decks the “one hop this time” line came on and I wasn’t doing that with a full pint.

At 5.20 we had a big clap of thunder. These got nearer. Dennis offered to get us both a taxi and pay for it. I offered to go halves but he refused so I ceased offering and resumed drinking.

We were soon back in The Black Country Arms. Keeping it corporate with Black Country Ales. After a quick one I headed home.

Superb day and well done again to The Robin Hood. Big shout out to all the barmaids too who had a very busy shift and certainly earned their wages. Good luck in the regional round to you all.

New Oriental Garden – 3A Beeches Road, Leamore.

Every now and then Rob Harvey will message and ask if I want Chinese. I say “yes, cheers” and he goes to this place and brings goodness to my house. It’s a well rehearsed format and works well. One day I said I’d like to pay a visit and give a review. So we did. Fair play to him, he drove from North of Walsall, to my house in South Walsall then took me here.

I was first out of the car as I had to take the usual picture. Much to my surprise and delight, there was a cat close by. This changed things. I needed a shot with him in. Rob was visibly less excited about the cat than I was. He just marched past it and into the empty shop. A couple of minutes passed where Rob could have been ordering, but no. I was still outside going all David Bailey on the cat.

I finally made it inside and started studying the starters. I heard the lady behind the counter say “what would you like?”. I thought give me chance love, only to then realise she was on the phone.

I went for curry chicken wings and the usual king prawn balls with sweet and sour sauce. Rob is well travelled and says he has never found better chicken and king prawn balls than this place so he had the mixture of those. I got my wallet out but Rob said “I’ll sort this out.” I tried to argue but he was having none of it so I shut up. I know when an argument is lost.

Initial observations. No television again. Perhaps it’s more common than I thought. There was still a Covid screen up on the counter but with the size of the place, enforcing the 2 metre social distancing may have been problematic.

The children’s meals caught my eye, especially the “Special Box” containing chicken nuggets, fish fingers, chicken wings, a sausage and chips. Pot of curry sauce and that would be bang on for me. I mentioned to Rob that I’d be having that next time. He said “it’s for kids. You aint got kids.” “Well, I’ll bring Patsy Kensit with me. Try and make it look a bit feasible that I’ve got a kid.” I started to eye up the set meals for 2 just in case this scenario happens.

With no tv to entertain, I went back outside to fuss the cat. It’s a shame that the Cat Reviewer account on Twitter is no more as the below pic would have got millions of retweets. Cat was ace, very friendly and accepted fuss. Would stroke again 9/10. I was summonsed back to the car with a class line of “come on you cat botherer.”

Back at mine and Rob unpacked whilst I just stood there looking very cool. They’d dropped a clanger as they’d put extra of my chicken wings in. Not exactly “bank error in your favour, collect £200” like in Monopoly but a nice little bonus. No food pic this time as what I’d had isn’t the most picturesque.

Rob had one of the spare wings and reported that they were very hot. I didn’t feel this. The king prawn balls were epic as were the wings. Proper enjoyed this. Mid munch though I suddenly realised that we didn’t get any free prawn crackers. I always grab a menu so I checked. Free prawn crackers on orders over £16. However the next line said free curry chicken wings on orders over £25. That explained the freebie. We had literally crept into level 2 of the bonus scheme. (Free prawn crackers and wings on order over £35.)

Great visit this. Place isn’t open on Tuesdays. Cat may still be available for fuss though.

Britannia Cafe, 18 Stephenson Square, Beechdale.

I’d got to have some 69 action. The bus service that is. I’ve used this bus a few times and had noticed this cafe, so on this occasion I decided to break up the journey and stop for brekkie en route.

I alighted the bus but my entrance was delayed as I loitered in the Sun listening to the Ten To The Top music quiz on Vernon Kay’s Radio 2 show. (I got 9 out of 10, only being let down by my lack of knowledge of the members of Little Mix.)

I was slightly confused upon sitting down as all the menus gave the address as Bloxwich making wonder if I’d got the wrong bus. There are 10 different breakfast options, so I just grabbed a smaller one than usual (I’m trying to lose weight – honest). This was £7.90 and came with a choice of tea, coffee or can of pop. I went for tea which is standard. I only drink coffee at work or in McDonalds.

Music was set low but we had some tunes like “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong”. Classic. Breakfast came quickly and was really good.

Whilst munching a couple of blokes came in and one recognised me as a Walsall fan. He waited until I had a mouthful of food before striking up conversation. This happens to me a lot. Good chat though once I was able to respond.

Good visit this, the lady serving was friendly and courteous giving me a “see you soon” upon departure. As she may well do. But It’ll be the £8.50 breakfast next time.

Hing’s Welcome – 28A Allens Lane, Pelsall.

Back in the 80’s my parents best friends Mavis and Mike lived on Avon Crescent so we were regular visitors to Pelsall and I’d seen this row of shops millions of times but never been in any of them. Then recently my mate John mentioned that there is a Chinese takeaway amongst them and it’s really good. The rest is history. It would be nice to finally visit this row of shops and to get food and a review out of it too? Absolute bonus.

John picked me up and we headed over. He used to deliver for them so was greeted like royalty when we walked in. I’d done my research and needed no time to peruse before ordering spiced salt and pepper crispy chicken wings with a king prawn curry. I normally order chicken curry and as you know I fear change so this was a big thing for me.) John went for beef fried rice, and she always puts some curry sauce on top for him as standard. He still gets the staff benefits.

Entertainment was provided by a television showing Sky News and there was a copy of that days Daily Mail. A sign behind the counter advised the “10 Commandments For A happy Life.) I free styled and made number 11 “order salt and pepper chicken wings and king prawn curry. There was a fan on the counter which was very welcome.

Another customer walked in also called John. I suddenly felt out numbered. The John’s were taking over. There is never another Mikee walking around when you need one is there?

Food came quickly and we sped off. Absolute Radio treated us to some belters on the way back. The food smelt amazing and we got some extra time to enjoy the aroma as when we came past the Arboretum it seemed like the whole world and their mom was turning right into Mozzas. (I still called it Safeway to be honest but as this is a public blog I thought I’d better be professional and call it by its new name).

We got back to mime and saw that we’d got free prawn crackers. No clues on the menu as to what you have to spend so it could just have been because they love John. We sat up the table like civilised adults. I stuck YouTube on and we were treated to Kelly Clarkson covering the Sophie B. Hawkins classic “Damn I wish I was Your Lover”. One of my favourite ladies covering a song by one of my favourite ladies, whilst eating Chinese. Absolute perfection. Food was really good. Had I lived on Avon Crescent I could have easily seen me staggering out of The Red Cow of a night and heading into Hing’s Welcome. John, get your delivery job back please. You know where I live.

Moon Palce – 19 Old Birchills, Walsall.

I was a regular here when I lived on Lewis Street, sometimes popping out of the Rose & Crown, ordering food then going back in the pub for another pint while they cooked it. . One night, Woza had yet again get me out of another one of my self induced crisis’s so I offered to buy him a Chinese and I brought him here. He asked for an omelette. I was aghast. I pointed at the mossiv menu on the wall and said “all this nice food and you want omelette?”. Of course, muggins here had to go up the counter and order it. The woman serving was fummin and even a another customer was livid. In truth he probably didn’t give a shit but I told Woza he was anyway just as it suited my narrative.

Anyway, I didn’t go back in after omelettegate and moved back to this side of town shortly afterwards. 10 years had passed so I said to Woza “geez.” Most of my conversations with him star like that. I said I wanted to review this place and if I paid would he come with me. He agreed. I asked Jase at Katz if we could munch there which was agreed to and off we set.

The trip from my house to Moon Palace was slightly held up by an articulated lorry complete with trailer doing a U turn on Stafford Street, which was somewhat captivating, but we were soon at our destination. Well it’s been painted in the last decade. It’s now very orange. “you’ve been Tangoed” was Woza’s opening observation.

I’d announced en route that just for banter and investigative journalism purposes, that I’d be trying the omelette. I’ve took the piss out of Woza many times since that night but now I wanted to see how it was.

We were greeted warmly by the lady who commented that she hadn’t seen us before. Woza stepped up an took charge of the conversation, explaining my past usage. “Nice to have you back” she concluded. So I ordered. King prawn omelette. It felt odd. I asked Woza what he wanted. “Chicken and mushroom omelette.” The woman looked taken aback. “You’re both having omelette?” she queried. She must have thought we were very odd and she’d have had a point. Our two omelettes and a pot of curry sauce came to £20.50. I had notes in my wallet but the only coin on me was a 50p. It was clearly meant to be.

She disappeared intot he back and I surveyed. No television or newspaper for entertainment so I studied the large menu on the wall. Free small bag of prawn crackers on orders over £13 and a large bag on orders over £18. I like the 2 tier approach here, especially as we’d hit band 2.

Woza having omelette again did puzzle me so I asked “do you not like Chinese food geez?” “I sort of like curry” was the response. Not enough to have it though.

Food came quickly. The lady gave a “hope to see you again” I was brave and attempted a funny. “I’ll try not to leave it 10 years next time, which did get a laugh out of her along with a “hopefully I’m still here in 10 years.”

We headed to Katz and tucked in. “How is your omelette geez?” Woza asked. I was honest. “It’s really good. But I’m not having it again. Back on the proper food next time I go there.” I asked how his was. “yeah, it’s alright.” Channelling his inner Keith from The Office there. He congratulated me on having the most expensive omelette available. He knows better than most how much of a penny pincher I used to be.

Good visit this and I will go back. Won’t leave it a decade else I’d be 61 by then and I aint waiting that long to try the curry samosa starter which did intrigue me.

This place isn’t open on Mondays and it’s cash only according to the menu.

After a pleasant hour in Katz, Woza dropped me off and I waved him off with a large unopened bag of prawn crackers. Never done that before. I did offer to share but he was having none of it. I didn’t argue.

Saira’s Grill – 45 Birchills Street, Walsall.

On Friday, I was meeting Mase, Swill, Chris and Mart in The Rose & Crown in a straight from work jobbie. Only been in this place once and it had a different name back then. I’ve gone through the years on streetview on Google Maps and neither of the names that it had during my time living in Lewis Street leaped out. Anyway, it’s a straight road out of The Manor Hospital to here so I perusing the menu just minutes after clocking out.

There are 34 deals listed on the wall behind the counter. I’d got to number 3 when I was asked what I wanted. I just went for a 8 inch pepperoni pizza at £4. Not one of the 34 deals.

No music in here but that was fine. I’d had plenty of tunes during the workday as we’d had Radio X on. The food came out and the man asked if I wanted any sauces. I declined. I was only having pizza. He seemed genuinely taken aback. “No sauce?”. I confirmed this but accepted serviettes instead.

The pizza was good. Couldn’t fault it for 4 quid. I might come here again next time I’m on a straight from work mission. Good visit and I then had a nice amble up Dalkeith Street, which is where my parents moved to after they got married. Good times.

The Teapot Cafe – Walsall Wood FC, John Sylvester Stadium, Walsall Wood. Reviewed 25/06/25

Saw a post for this on the Brownhills Bob Facebook group and thought why the hell not? I jumped on the 10 and got off a stop early. Standard for me in Walsall Wood. I always get the wrong stop there. Oh well, it was a nice day and I was in no hurry.

I didn’t really know where I was going. I’ve been to the ground once, this was for a Walsall CAMRA meeting in the clubhouse a few years ago, I got a lift and it was dark. I just knew it was behind KFC.

I found the KFC and took a left. As I approached I thought this cafe is a bit off the main road. Wonder if it gets much use.

I was caught taking a picture outside by a man, I presume to be the owner who was wheeling in a large shipment of mushrooms (I think – I only glanced, I was concentrating on my shot). I quickly waffled an excuse that I’d seen this place on Facebook and was checking it out.

Once inside it was clear that there is footfall. It was busy with workers, casual customers and a large group celebrating a birthday. Not sure what age. There was an 8 and a 1 balloon but the slight breeze through the open door meant they wouldn’t keep still. They eventually settled on a 1-8 formation and to be fair there didn’t look anyone 81 in the group but if I live to see that age, I want my morning breakfast there.

No menus on the tables just a sizeable board on the wall with 3 breakfast types. I disregarded the smaller two and went for the jumbo option at £8.50 asking them to hold the tomatoes and mushrooms. Apologies to the man if he had been wheeling mushrooms in, there was no need on my behalf.

Breakfast came quickly and I was puzzled as a second one was plonked down opposite me. Was there a buy one get one free going on? I’d have been all over that but I called the waitress and basically fessed up that I was dining on my own. I would have added that I haven’t yet got Patsy Kensit to join me for breakfast but I doubted she’d know who she is. The spare brekkie was quickly on its way to its forever home.

Break fast was ace. The toast was not cut in half. They deserve a Michelin star just for this. I’ve never known a cafe not cut the toast, and I don’t cut my sandwiches so I was all over this. Let us decide how we want our toast yeah? And don’t start me on cafes that cut it in to non matching triangles. I don’t want triangles. I aint Pythagoras.

I really enjoyed the breakfast and there was a nice buzz about the place with songs from Pet Shop Boys, Pat Benatar, Savage Garden and also “Band Of Gold” – sorry the artist won’t come to me but because I know that I know it, I’m not allowed to Google it.

The fridge looked good with Apple Tango and those glass bottles of orange juice that the milkman used to deliver available. The condiment shelf had enough bottles of sauce to make a Wetherspoons jealous. There is even a choice of sweeteners for your tea too, I went for one out of a white dispenser.

The toilet is a one man at a time affair but I clocked this so timed my visit perfectly. I just missed the 10 bus back to Walsall and the next one took 45 minutes to arrive but I won’t let that put me off attending again. Superb place

The Boathouse, Park Road, Rushall. Reviewed 29/06/25.

I woke up on this Sunday in a seriously I can’t be arsed with anything mood. It took me an hour to make coffee. I finally made it onto Facebook and saw a post in Common People for The Boathouse Sunday dinners. I was in. Craig had stopped over at mine, I mentioned it to him and he offered me a lift. Motion carried – sorry given a lift there.

I knew what I was having straight off so no fannying around upon arrival. Straight up the bar and ordering chilli garlic prawns starter and an XL roast. Mug of tea also. I was advised of a 20 minute wait for the food. Absolutely no issue with this. It was nice to be advised of it though.

I’m no stranger to this pub – hadn’t been in for a while though but this was my first experience of eating there other than demolishing the buffet at Woza and Becky’s party in 2017.

The tea was first to arrive and sweeteners were brought along which was nice. The dispenser gave me two, must have known I only like even numbers. I’d said the food could all come out together and it was ace. I could eat prawns all day long and would have happily took another bowl of these outside afterwards to eat by the canal. The Sunday dinner was, well XL like it said in the brochure. Sausage on a Sunday dinner was a first. I ran out of gravy early on but a nice member of staff came over to ask if I needed anything and another boat was quickly rustled up.

Music was mainly 80’s from a tv channel that I couldn’t clock the name of, with a random modern hit in the form of Hand & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK which is an absolute belter.

This was a great visit. All the staff were friendly and courteous. The lad serving the food was great and looked proper chuffed at my feedback that the pork was amazing, promising that he’d go and relay it back to the Chef. I need to be honest now. I’m on a diet at the moment, yeah don’t sound like it. But I was going to have a little break from it and have the cheesecake, but I’d done my research and knew that the hourly 997 back into Walsall was due so I left it at the 2 courses.

They do food on other days too, check out the Facebook page. I’ll go back. I need that cheesecake.

Moghul Palace, 4 Norton Road, Pelsall. Reviewed 04/07/25.

I dragged Swill out for this one. Well in truth he didn’t need much dragging. I jumped on the number 9 bus, which was a first. I’m quite up on Walsall bus routes but had no idea there was a number 9. Only found out when I was researching times. It took a bizarre route though. By the time we finally reached Pelsall I was starting to wonder if I’d ever see family and friends again.

I met Swill in The Railway. He wanted The Old House At Home, I was pushing for The Queens so this was the compromise option.

After a couple of pints, and a bit of Emma Raducanu action on the big screen we set off for curry. We are no stranger to this place. We used to have our annual quiz team night out here until Alan, the Pelsall resident of the group moved away.

Moghul Palace is unlicensed so Swill marched across the road to get supplies whilst I walked in bang on 9pm which was the time I’d booked it for. Swill soon joined me with grave news. They had no Cobra where he’d gone. “Didn’t you tell them we were having curry?” I asked. Swill cracked the bottles open and served. The results were stunning in a way. My pint was frothier than a bath with a whole bottle of Mr Matey thrown in.

It’s the law that you have to have 2 poppadoms each so these were quickly ordered along with a fish pakora starter for me and chicken chat for Swill. Typical of him. He can have a chat anywhere.

The poppadoms came quickly. Swill seemed keen on getting some onion in my diet by depositing some of this in both poppadom dips. He then went on to play around with the touch activated lamp, going through all the different settings. I still had poppadoms left when the starters came out and Swill took the piss. I really am not a quick eater. I like to savour my food.

My fish pakora was amazing. Swill said his chicken chat was like a main course. We were both intrigued by the green thing the starters were served on. Swill tried a bit to see if it was edible. He deduced it was and ate the lot. I tried a bit and walked away from the experiment. He asked the waiter what it was only to be told it was a banana leaf and just used for decorative purposes. I tried to eat some of the salad on mine, also to Swill’s amusement. I’m still new to this healthy eating lark.

I still had poppadum left when the mains came out. I’d had chicken balti with no tomato or onion, along with a cheese naan. This was very quickly despatched, even with how I eat.

The bill came to £48.20 which was decent, there was also a free chocolate for both of us. Swill mentioned that a free shot would have earned a bonus point. “Yeah, they are not licensed Swill.” “Oh yeah.” Then again, you have to have a licence to sell alcohol but to give it away? This needs looking into. We also got the basket with facial wipes which included an extra one. “You can use that one to wipe your balls” said Swill. Hmmmm things I’ve got no intention of doing in a curry house number 2053 – wiping my bollocks with a warm facial tissue.

Swill checked out the loos, to see if the music was on in there to match the nice ambience in the restaurant. He does like to film himself dancing in curry house toilets. He came back with the news that the music isn’t in there and docked a point for this,

We still had a bottle of booze left so he cracked it open, and this time served it in a way that it bubbled over and went everywhere. Upon this being dealt with, it was then in his opinion my turn to play with the lamp and he took pictures of each setting. The waiter caught me doing this and thought I was really odd.

We departed and had a pint in The Queens. Swill left his umbrella somewhere – standard for him and then he sorted taxi’s. He’s got Uber on his phone where as I’m still a ask the barmaid for a number (hers or taxi company’s). Yeah fakey news corner. I’ve never had the balls to ask a barmaid for her number. Swill found that after ordering my Uber, it wouldn’t let him order one for himself but this was resolved once I’d been picked up. Decent curry visit this. Will go again. But I’ll get the number 8 bus next time.