Evo Boozy Scribbler

There was much to do last Saturday, culminating on the night with a trip to Tamworth to see my mate Sean’s band perform. I had missions first though. Bloxwich and back to Cool Hog the pork scratchings shop as they now do hot pork baps, and it was epic.

Then Tesco. First up was to claim my first ever Euro Millions win. A whopping £2.60 for getting two main numbers. I was 35% embarrassed at collecting such a small amount and 65% they aint bloody keeping it. Although the ticket had been in my wallet unchecked since July, so I hoped it was still valid. It wasn’t so long ago I had a £1 scratchcard go out of date as I left it so long to collect. Yeah it was only a quid but that’s two samosas. Anyway the ticket worked and it’s another £2.60 into the Gibraltar fund. I must say though that the Euro Millions is shit. I only play it when it’s the 10 guaranteed millionaires thing. You have to jump through hoops to get £8. Aint nobody got time for dat.

Whilst in Tesco I went a bit crazy as per normal. I bloody love shopping and would do it all the time if I had the money. Also as per usual there was someone with a trolley in the basket shop checkout area. They got the standard narrow eyed stare as I marched past.

Sean is a great singer, and I’ve seen him in action so many times, both when we were performing in stage shows together in AMCS and of course as the lead singer of a band. I’ve seen him in 3 different bands now. Destroyed Beyond Belief, Rock Revolver and his present one Delayed Response. I first saw his current line up when they played at the reopening of The Watering Trough in Walsall. I didn’t see much of the second half of that night as it was that busy I couldn’t get served. The second time was also at The Trough. This time I could get served, got absolutely twatted and can remember very little other than dancing around in front of the band on my own like a nob.

So this would be my third time seeing Delayed Response putting them on level terms with some of my favourite artists that I’ve seen that amount of times like Belinda Carlisle, Boy Kill Boy and Maroon 5. I was very excited so to calm things down upon putting the shopping away I chilled out with a mug of green tea and put on a bit of Lana Del Ray.

On the train and as we pulled into New Street the conductor announced where the lifts on the platform are located, following up with “as the escalator probably won’t be working as per usual.” Regular readers of this blog will know of my disdain for the non working escalators at New Street so I loved this comment. They were working by the way.

On the busy train to Tamworth, I offered my seat to 4 women and they all turned me down. The last one though, when the train jolted turned around, pointed at my lap and said “I might end up on there in a minute.” “That’s perfectly fine with me” I replied which got a big laugh from her and her friends. You know, I might finally be getting good at talking to strangers. 2023 me would never had said that.

The gig was at The Crafty Two. Sean and his partner Sammy’s favourite pub. It’s where the three of us used to record our podcast The Long And Shot Of It, but I’ve only been there once since that finished, when Tamworth hosted Walsall in a pre season friendly in August last year. I’d never tried to find it in the dark, but hey I know the way yeah?

My trouble is, when I walk I start thinking about shit and not concentrating where I’m going. Once – in Blackpool I left everyone in the pub and decided to save money and walk back to the hotel for an early night. I ended up walking miles and having to pay £7 in a taxi to be driven back the way I’d walked.

On this walk I saw a petrol station. This wasn’t good. I’ve never seen a petrol station in Tamworth. Never thought about it but assumed they had them. I decided to take a couple of right turns and that would put me in the right direction. Like so many of my other great ideas it went tits up. After a decent walk I ended up back at the railway station.

I tried again, taking a different turn and got completely lost. I had to find a George to ask, and you know I hate asking for help but this was getting urgent. Fortunately someone pointed me in the right direction. I hit the town centre in a completely different direction so it was a big relief to see Santander as this helped me get my bearings.

Turning the corner toward the pub and although I needed no further clarification that I was nearly there, I could hear Sean singing from down the road. As I walked in he was belting out “won’t you please help me?” which I thought was quite apt in the circumstances.

The bar area was very busy so I grabbed a drink and found an empty chair in the back where I could still enjoy the music. We had a rendition of “Proud Mary” which I absolutely loved as a kid so this was the highlight. Final song of this set was Turning Japanese, another classic from my childhood which really came into it’s own during my teenage years. The place was bouncing due to the fine entertainment but also I suspect as the locals may have been celebrating Tamworth FC qualifying for the first round of the FA Cup that afternoon..

At the half time I was waiting for people to go loo and cigarette smoking so I could move into the main area but Zoey en route I assume for the loo spotted me, fetched Sean’s partner Sammy who came and led me into the bar.

I caught up with Sean during the break. I’d seen him at a wedding night in August and he said he was planning to ask Sammy to marry him in December and asked if I would be his best man, which really shocked me. He knows hundreds of people so was surprised he picked me but I was absolutely delighted. At this point he said he was bringing the proposal forward to tonight. I was glad I’d came.

I took the opportunity to take some pub pictures, Sean commenting “are you being a tourist?” He knows the score. The place was decked out in Halloween attire, and there was a big television showing scenes of Motocross riders coming off their bikes which grabbed my attention. Normally I wouldn’t have given it a second look but following my first trip to watch Speedway recently at the Birmingham Brummies last ever match at Perry Barr as reported here, I gave it a watch.

Second half started with a bit of Black Sabbath. I got an “alright Evo?” over the mic from Sean which I absolutely loved. I confirmed that I was. At one point he sang the opening lines to “Pink Pony Club” by Chappell Roan before cutting it short and going into rock mode again. If he had started her current song “The Subway”, which I bloody love, I’d have been up there and finished it myself.

There was a belting rendition of “Alive” by P.O.D and the final song of the night was “99 Red Balloons” and then came the main event. Other than film and tv I’ve only ever seen one live marriage proposal which was in The Fitters back in the day, and I missed some of it as I was in the loo. I wasn’t sure how serious it was but the wedding didn’t happen and they are not together anymore.

Sean started with a little speech about how wonderful it was having so many loved ones here and then called Sammy forwarded. He went down one one knee and she said “yes” it was amazing and very emotional. To quote Monty Python And The Holy |Grail “there was much rejoicing.” On came “Learn To Fly” by Foo Fighters which is epic but this gave way to Elton John’s “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?” which was a bit more appropriate.

I saw Sean shortly afterwards and he said “sorry geezer, this is the one night it couldn’t be all about you.” What a line. Made me laugh. I didn’t mind. I’m happy to share the limelight on special occasions.

Many congratulations Sean and Sammy. I can’t wait to be a part of your big day. This will be my 5th time as a best man and it’s such an honour. There ares some right plans to be made.

A quick check on the National Rail app suggested I wasn’t going to make the train home, so I asked Sean to sort me an Uber which he happily did. It came while I was in the loo. Standard. It was a proper sexy vehicle. Individual seats inside. Don’t ask the make or model. I could identify a 1980’s era Renault (especially the 4, 5, 11, 12, 20 and Feugo) but modern cars? Absolutely no chance.

It took half an hour to get back, the taxi driver did not want to chat – fine with me and it only cost £20. Can’t argue with that. Thought it would be double that. Especially as in a standard taxi it’s now £7 to get from Tesco in Walsall back to my house – even with a 45 minute wait which happened recently.

Fab night, great set and here’s to the soon to be Mr & MNrs Westwood. Sean, I think we need one of our renditions of “Caravan Of Love” on the big day.

Monday, September 29th, Craig and myself were both off work and we arranged to go to Kenilworth to tick off the new JD Wetherspoons pub there which opened in July.

At Walsall Railway Station I asked for a return to Tile Hill, requesting the return for the next day. For the second visit to Craig’s house on the bounce I was told this wasn’t possible and that I’d have to buy two singles. It’s plausible I guess but I actually think it’s bollocks. Two singles means more cost. I always use the ticket office when doing local trips but from now on I might just go trainline where open return is a standard request.

At New Street the escalator was working which was good because I’d damaged my left knee a couple of weeks earlier doing that highly dangerous but thoroughly exciting task of walking down my stairs. It still hasn’t forgiven me but is on the mend. I was glad to not need to walk up that bad boy again (I’d forgotten about the lifts).

At Tile Hill I met Craig and he set off to Kenilworth. This was a maiden voyage for me but he has been regularly for quiz nights and he took on the role of tour guide as he drove along. He drove through Burton Green and explained about how they’d got a new village hall as the old one was demolished for HS2. I commented that there didn’t seem enough houses for a village hall. He agreed saying, “yeah, I’m not sure if this is classed as a village or a hamlet. What’s the difference between a village and a hamlet?” “That’s easy” I replied “one is where people live, the other is a type of cigar.”

Driving along and it became apparent that Kenilworth is somewhat out of my price range. Very nice place though. A bit of sightseeing was first on the cards. We pulled up at Kenilworth Castle. Craig had a blog challenge for me which he piped up with here. “Why don’t you see how many Duran Duran song titles you can get in today’s blog?” He was well aware of why we were visiting the new Wetherspoons on a Monday just so I could do the play on words of my favourite song of theirs New Moon On Monday for the title. I’m no Duran Duran expert. Whilst my friend Shaz has seen them in concert probably as many times as Yasmin Le Bon has, I know a handful of their songs. Please bear with me now as I go and make a mug of tea and study their discography on Wikipedia for a bit.

We admired the castle and I posed for obligatory photos (which I opted not to publish as my t-shirt looks like a maternity dress). The top of the castle must have provided a great view to a kill for the home team when attacking forces arrived.

We found a side street and parked up. Craig paid for 90 minutes deducing that that would be enough. He’d clearly forgetting that he was with me and my fondness for fannying around. Today this consisted of crossing the road to take photos but then also going for close up shots too. I also – to kill a bit more time, used the worlds dimmest cashpoint. I’ve heard of energy saving light bulbs but are energy saving cashpoints now a thing? Is there something I should know? All helps towards net zero I guess.

Inside The Dictum Of Kenilworth, and well it’s all (and still feels) new. First thing that caught my eye was the Roman Numeral clock, correctly displaying 4 as IV, so points for that. We found a booth a perused the menu. Craig spotted that on Monday it’s 3 small plates for a tenner or so. Motion carried. I was all over that.

I don’t follow any Wetherspoons groups on Facebook but they pop up in that infuriating way that you get loads of pages unsolicited in your feed. The Wetherspoons Game is the one I see the most and I don’t mind this as it’s usually good looking women that post pics of themselves, along with pub name and table number then strangers send drinks via the app. I did say to Craig that I didn’t think we’d do as well on this as attractive ladies so we didn’t post our details.

Other groups are about the amount of chips served and the Wetherspoons carpet group as each pub has a unique one. When the food came I got Craig to count his jobs but he soon got bored and said “about 20”. We were against the clock, no time for counting fried potato products.

The food had come quickly, with one waitress carrying 3 plates and her colleague alongside holding one which we both thought was a bit unbalanced, The one carrying 3 had earned the right to take our picture which she happily did.

Craig liked the pub, commenting on the carpet being vomit stain clean but wasn’t so keen on the waterfall painting around the skylight, which I loved.

The was still time for me to make a couple of raids on the coffee machine, with the first refill overflowing. I should have used the reflex and whipped the cup away but I was just watched dumbfounded, causing a man behind to ask if I wanted a Flake in that. Go on then George, go grab me one please, I felt like saying. If he’d said a Lion Bar I’d have frogmarched him to the local shop to take him up on this.

I opted for an iced latte on my final visit to the machine. I made my selection then turned away to survey the scene. Turning back I saw a message “have you bought a glass and ice from the bar?” No I bloody haven’t. I went back to normal latte, just to be less of a ponce of course.

We made it back to the meter in time and headed back to Craig’s house. En route we had a look at some of the HS2 works which is decimating the local greenery and at one point he announced that we were on Kenilworth Road which surprised me as I thought that was in Luton.

At Craig’s, he got busy making me a cuppa and also putting the washing on, but not before announcing he hadn’t got enough for a full load and asked if I’d brought any dirty laundry with me, which funnily enough I hadn’t. I made a mental note to bring a bag full next time. I’m partial to airing my dirty laundry in public, but I’ve never taken it to a friends house. Crags, get a box of Daz in. I’m bringing a white wash round.

We headed to a local pub for the quiz. Early impressions were good with Rock The Casbah (The Clash) and It’s The End Of the World As We Know It (REM) being amongst the first songs played.

Craig entered the quiz with the standard name of The Usual Suspects. He could have gone for The Wild Boys to help me out with his Duran Duran challenge. Talking of team names, back in the day Craig and I went to a charity quiz. It was at the time when former MP Jacqui Smith was in the news as her husband had watched some naughty films. I called our team “Jacqui Smith’s DVD Collection” which got a big laugh from the room.

Anyway, back to this edition. Craig did all the work as per normal. I think I contributed one answer, knowing that Ljubljana is the capital of Slovenia. I once impressed a barmaid from said country by knowing that was the capital of it. We didn’t swap numbers. Imagine the cost of calling there. That would be an after 6pm jobbie.

The last round was a tv theme tune round. It was the same one as the night before which was odd. If I could have got away with repeating quiz rounds when I was quiz master at The Fitters I’d have been all over it. Eddie and Joan in the classic quiz show episode of Early Doors would have also been over a quiz being repeated.

Craig, by his own admission was “bollocksed” the night before and thus couldn’t remember all the answers. We come undone by not knowing the theme tune to Joe 90 (a nickname I hated at primary school due to being the only glasses wearer). A couple of themes were obvious by repeated references to the title (South Park and Fresh Prince Of Bel Air). At the end of the round the quizmaster asked for any repeat requests. I urged Craig to ask for number 5. He was puzzled. “We’ve got it.” “I know. I just want to hear it again. It’s a great piece of music.” Thankfully another team asked for it, but I still nearly asked for it a 3rd time. It was The Crystal Maze if you’re wondering.

We came second by a point. Bloody Joe 90. Craig is notorious for not being happy when not winning but was okay this time, blaming himself for not remembering every answer from the previous nights last round.

The pub kitchen had been closed when we got in, which I had been planning on using. By the end of the quiz I was hungry like the wolf so we went to the local Tesco making it with minutes to spare. We filled a basket with snackage, Craig asked if I wanted a drink. I should have had a can of Rio to get another song title in but didn’t think. Neither of us were willing to buy a bag for life so we walked out with arms full of stuff which looked highly suspicious. Craig paid but let me have the Clubcard points. Cheers fella.

The following morning Craig dropped me off at Canley Railway Station and the very nice lady in the ticket office talked me into having a network day saver which would get me on all trains and buses all day for just 80p more than my train fare. I accepted and was already planning a mission to use it on, on the night. More of that another time. I bet she could have given a return for the next day.

I was soon on the train heading back to Walsall, which and I know I’m biased is my favourite place on Planet Earth. Back in my home town I went to Tesco and the chilled reduced section had lots of stuff with some decent discounts. This took me by surprise and really caught me off guard so I panicked and filled my basket.

Superb time, cheers to Cragga for accompanying me and I can now tick Kenilworth off on my Big World Tour Of England.

And I make that 10 Duran Duran song titles included. Cheers for reading.

My alarm went off at 5.50 am last Saturday. 20 minutes later than when the seagulls in Blackpool had woken me a fortnight earlier and at least this time it was on my terms but it was still early for a day off. I had to be up and about though. I recently discovered how cheap coach travel is and as I was bothered by not visiting Bucket List Coffee in Eastcote during the Pinner/(Barnet (a) weekend, I decided to go back, with a side mission of heading to Essex to visit Theydon Bois for the first time to tick off two pubs.

I headed to Walsall Railway Station, questioning my life choices as the bus to Birmingham passes the bottom of my road. I usually only leave my house in the dark to go to work. This was leisure though so there was an albeit sleepy, spring in my step

At Digbeth, the coach was bang on time. As it was taxi-ing (not sure if this term works with coaches) the man on the seat across the aisle from me decided to start filming. As he panned across my face I gave him a smile. I was tempted to give him an invoice for filming rights and administration fees.

I hadn’t used the toilets at the coach station due to the 30p charge. Robbin bastards and all that. To quote the voice over man on Dragons Den “I walked away from the deal.” I didn’t want to be the first on the coach to use the onboard facilities as everyone would point and throw things so it was a big relief when someone else went first. I noticed that each time someone went, the man across the aisle would turn and watch them move up the coach. Although after his earlier antics I was surprised that he didn’t follow them in and film them.

It was disappointing there wasn’t a coach wide sing song like in the film Trains, Planes and Automobiles. There must have been some people on board going to the Oasis gig at Wembley that could have got a rendition of Acquiesce going.

I had bought a copy of Viz (which I’ve not done since 2013) and the plan was to read it on board but it was a bit gloomy so I decided to unwind. I don’t often get time to do nothing so I went into stand by mode. No Facebook or Twitter. I could have used this time to check the two lottery tickets in my wallet but I deduced that they’d keep. Those millions could wait another couple of months.

Further down the motorway I snapped back into the real world and jumped on social media. Josh timed this perfectly messaging with a somewhat random quiz question. “By law what is the minimum am-mount of pork that must be in a sausage?” I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t know. Capital of Greenland? I’d have been all over that but this was a no. I guessed and wasn’t far off. It’s 42%. Everyday is a school day eh? It’s always good to have gaps in my knowledge filled in even if I didn’t realise that said gap existed.

My coach was due in Victoria at 11.30. I’d done all my planning. Victoria Line to Oxford Circus, jump on Bakerloo Line to Baker Street, then hop on Metropolitan Line and head over to Eastcote. The night before though when researching, the website had advised of “severe delays ” on the Victoria Line.

At 10.30 we arrived at Golders Green. I pondered. Wikipedia is a God send. Within seconds I knew Golders Green had an underground station (it was across the way but obscured by the iconic red London buses). I could get the Northern Line to Euston, then stroll over to Euston Square – a path I know as well as my house to Bescot Stadium. Sod it. Let’s do that.

At Golders Green, there is Bar Linda. I really wish I’d taken a picture as it certainly looked my kind of place, and I believe it was open too. But I was hunting for the loo having not paid the 30p at Digbeth or gone on the coach in fear of being pointed at or filmed. Found the loo, jumped on the Northern Line, and by 11.20 I was on the Metropolitan Line hurtling towards Eastcote when theoretically I should have still been on the coach. I love it when a plan b comes together. Of course, this plan meant that I didn’t get to change at Baker Street. “Change at Baker Street” is slang for a sexual act so quite appropriate that I didn’t get to perform it. Story of my life.

There was a slight issue upon boarding the train though. A lady was severely nonplussed at me politely asking her to move her bag off the adjacent seat. She pulled a face but did so. I think her opinion of me worsened when I sat down, started reading Viz and laughed very loudly (at a couple of readers letters about farts).

As previously mentioned, in Eastcote I had one mission. Bucket List Coffee. I could have visited it on the Sunday that I was in town but I’m too cautious for my own good and opted to get to Euston “to make sure I got there in time”. I did. I had 90 minutes there, being asked for money and topping up the vitamin D levels in the sun.

It’s a smart place is Bucket List. I was warmly greeted and looked up at the menu. Sexy Latte jumped out at me so I opted for that. I perused the cakes and asked about a Lemon variant which there wasn’t so I went for a chocolate croissant as a nod to my French grandfather.

The place was relaxed. Music was provided by chilled out versions of hits with a great rendition of the Of Monsters & Men classic “Little Talks” being the pick. The toilet is a singe person unisex affair but it has the music playing within which would get my mate Swill’s seal of approval.

Coffee was great, as was the croissant along with the ambience. Good visit and glad I finally ticked it off. Was it worth all the jaunt though? Basically yeah. Will go again, not that I have any trips to Eastcote in the diary but you never know eh?

It was time to cross London. Metropolitan Line to Liverpool Street and then Central Line to Theydon Bois in Essex. Got to be honest, I’d not heard of Theydon Bois until a contestant on The Easiest Quiz on The Scott Mills Show on Radio 2 said he was from there. It was said of it being at the end of the Central Line and I duly added it to my to do list.

At Liverpool Street I paused on the platform to take pictures. I must have looked so touristy. We visited the pub at Liverpool Street on the Monopoly Pub Crawl in 2009, and the article on that weekend was my first attempt at non fiction writing. It’s the least read blog on my site and you can catch it here. I’d be overjoyed if it got some love. Anyway, I digress. After that pub visit in 2009 it was good to finally use Liverpool Street station for what it was designed for.

The first train that arrived was for Hainault on a different branch of the Central Line than the one I needed. Shame it was terminating there as the next station is Grange Hill, a tv show I loved as a kid. I’ve always wanted to recreate the opening credits by throwing a sausage at someone, although now with the knowledge gleaned earlier, I’d be checking the Pork content before deciding whether to launch it.

Soon I was on the way to Essex. I knew from Wikipedia that Theydon Bois has no street lights, although with the new trendy and very shit ones we have now in Walsall, I think we are trying to recreate this. I also was aware that David Sullivan the man behind the Sunday Sport newspaper is from the place. It did cross my mind if I might bump into him in a pub and maybe show him some of my writing. I’ve always fancied a weekly column in a newspaper.

First thing upon leaving the station drive is a curry house. The town planners have got it right here. Imagine come back from a night in London and making it into the curry house for last orders. Marvellous. I had a mooch about. There is a beauty shop called “Small And Cute” which I think describes me perfectly. Ok, I jest. I know the cute bit is absolute bollocks.

There are two butchers. I pondered playing them off against each other with the Pork content of their sausages but this quickly passed. There used to be 4 pubs, but this has been halved. One of the closed ones was called “Sixteen Stringed Jack” named after a local highway man who was hanged in 1774. You can’t beat a unique quirky pub name and it’s a shame that it got demolished.

Theydon Bois is a village in Epping Forest, it’s very picturesque and has a big stretch of green land where (I assume) they hold their annual Donkey Derby where local children race the animals and small wagers are allowed to be placed. Good job I wasn’t a kid round here. I tried riding a donkey in Blackpool when I was about 8 and was terrified.

Pub time. The Queen Victoria was first. A serving man eyed me suspiciously as I entered. To be fair, if i was working somewhere and someone like me walked in, I’d be suspicious. It did make me feel a bit guilty for some reason though and I was almost apologetic as I asked for a coffee. He was fine though and I soon had a drink and a nice table.

Before departure I used the loo. Urinals were busy so I popped in a cubicle and was greeted by something very strange. A solid toilet roll. Not seen one of these before and it threw me. I couldn’t cope with it. I usually pick up a loo roll, like I do a bowling ball. Must be a cardboard saving thing and I guess you get more roll instead of a big hole but come on. Polo Mints have holes, so should toilet rolls. Thinking about the bowling ball comparison, the way I bowl I’d be better of launching solid toilet rolls at the pins.

Next up was The Bull. I’d glanced at the two pub menus a couple of days before. The Bull does soup of the day with a sandwich combo for £10.50 which won the deal. I don’t do soup generally but with it now being Autumn I was game. I headed up the bar. The barmaid advised that the soup had just been changed and went off to find out what the new one was. This was far more pensive that I expected. What if it was sprout and cauliflower? I almost retched at the thought. I didn’t know soup pensiveness was a a thing. Sounds like a Manic Street Preachers song. You can have that one lads. Anyway the new soup was carrot and coriander. That with a fish finger baguette and a coffe was £14.50 Bargain. If you’re wondering why I’m on coffee, I didn’t want to be bursting for a toilet on the Underground. Bizarre yeah travelling all the way to Essex to visit two pubs and not drink? Who needs The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown when you got the baffling one of Mikee Evans?

Soup was great as was the baguette. Two good pubs these. Liked them both. Before departing this one I made another toilet visit. This one was a bit odd. Standing at the urinal and the window was open so I could see ladies walking past, and they could see me. And I think they knew what I was doing. None of them made eye contact.

I was soon back on the Central Line. Cheers Theydon Bois for a great couple of hours. I had to change at Mile End. It was just across the platform to pick up the District Line. I love the Underground. It’s a piece of piss to navigate. Even with my notoriously shit sense of direction. Going to plan b earlier in the day meant I was only using 4 of the lines rather than 5 but I still loved it. I was soon at Victoria. The signs for the coach station quickly dried up after leaving the Underground and I eventually found it via using one of those on street map things. I was glad I’d allowed myself 90 minutes for this mission as it wasn’t straightforward.

I’ve only used Victoria Coach Station on two previous occasions, so not familiar with the area so as I had time I went for a mooch around. I attempted to cross a road. Cars had stopped for red, I’d got the green man so stepped into the road. Admittedly I didn’t look right, and nearly had a coming together with a cyclist who’d decided that the red lights the cars had adhered too didn’t apply to him. Despite being in the wrong, he was not happy with me and made it very clear. I responded with 7 letters spread over two words. I’m not one for prolonged dialogue with people I don’t know. Exchange over we both went about our day.

After a stroll I discovered that I was on Buckingham Palace Road. I got excited. I’ve never seen that place live. I check another of the street maps. I was at one end of the road, Palace was at the other and it looked quite long. Like the lottery tickets in my wallet, I decided it’d keep. I’m sure it will still be there next time I’m in town. I’ve never actually done a touristy day in London so I need to get on that one day. Houses Of Parliament and Elizabeth Tower, London Eye and I’ve never been on a red London Bus. Get me on it.

I had a very pleasant amble around. I found a Shell petrol station and bought a sausage roll. I checked the pork content. I’d told Josh that this would be my new obsession, not that I need anymore of those. It was 25%. Not bad considering there is pastry to throw into the mix.

I was back inside the coach station at 5.50 in good time for the 6.30 departure. At said time though it came up on screen that it was delayed until .7.15. Typical. I could have gone to Bucking Palace after all and even had time to pop in for a cup of tea with Kate Middleton.

Eventually we departed at 7.23. Bit annoying when the coach had been parked outside, taunting us for at least 25 minutes. Journey back was uneventful. By the time we reached Birmingham I was yawning as loudly and regularly as when I’d recently watched The Long Walk at the cinema. The coach was actually going to Walsall. I’d only paid to get to Birmingham – I knew not of the Walsall stop. I’m really not one for fare dodging but as they’d been nearly an hour late in departing I thought they owe me not walking through Digbeth and waiting for the train back.

We were dropped off on Hatherton Street. At the rear of the coach my favourite taxi driver was loitering. I think we were both glad to see each other. He always does me a a decent price as he says I’m “a great guy”. I gave him a bigger tip than normal as he’d saved me walking through the bus station and hunting or a taxi.

Back home, the clock struck 23 and as my day entered its 17th hour I declared and went to bed. Fantastic day going on a 320 mile round journey for 3 coffees – no actually. Make it 4. I grabbed one from Greggs to kill some of the Victoria Coach Station “injury time”. I didn’t get up at 5.50 the next day.

Been a bit peckish of late so I’ve done 4 more not exactly informative Walsall food reviews.

Regards – 47 Anchor Road, Aldridge. Reviewed 24/07/25

Me and my mate John were talking curry one night and he mentioned this place. He is something of a regular whereas I thought I’d been once many moons ago but was more than happy to be wrong. We decided to make sure I’d I had it ticked off. This was an easy decision.

Upon arrival John was treated like a royal which is fitting for a legend like him. We got menus and poppadoms. We’d decided on the way over to just have a main meal but a sign in the window advised of a 3 course meal for £13 on Mondays. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, with Thursday – the day of our visit hastily added on below in pen. This suited us. Motion carried.

A glance at the starters was pleasant. Nargis Kebab was listed. Michelle Gayle once sang that someone’s sweetness was her weakness. Well Nargis Kebab is mine. John had never had one but knows I love them and said he’d try one. The waiter approached. “Can I have a Lord Nargis?” asked John. The waiter was confused. “A Lord Nargis?” he asked. For those not in the know, Lord Nargis is my Twitter name (along with @EvoBoozySaddler). This nickname was given to me by two of my Scientific & Chemical Supplied Customer Service office colleagues because of my love for this starter. I explained this to the waiter and John ordered the correct thing. Can I have a Lord Nargis? At least buy me a drink first John.

The Nargis was bang on but it was the first time that the “Scotch Egg” had come cut in half. John enjoyed his which was a relief. It’s always slightly stressful when someone tries the starter that I rave on about for the first time.

I’d gone for chicken tikka balti, with no onion or tomatoes for the main and it was ace and served in a proper balti bowl. We had coffee which is a first for me in a curry house and it was very civilised. Upon paying the bill the waiter asked if we wanted a Baileys. John said yes but I hesitated and I don’t know why. I felt John and the waiter were staring at me so I agreed and wolfed it down.

Thoroughly enjoyable visit this and and absolute bargain with the special offer – well it was an absolute bargain for me as John paid. Cheers fella. I’ve got two more curry houses in Aldridge to tick off but if you’re heading here soon, give them my Regards and tell them I’ll be back soon.

Brisk Coffee Co – 70 Lower Hall Lane, Walsall. Reviewed 27/07/25

Situated just along from the famous Walsall Market Bell, this place was Digbys for decades but recently changed names a couple of times. First Swifts Cafe and now Brisk. Think my mom brought me here once as a kid – she was more of a Chipmasters across the way kind of person. So it was nice to make a revisit. It was a Sunday morning of my visit and I was off to do my monthly Tesco shop and you know how you shouldn’t shop on an empty stomach yeah? So I took the precaution of filling it with a full English.

There was no music in the cafe and the other customers weren’t talking so as I tried to adjust myself on the leather chair, it made a very loud and familiar sound. Still nobody spoke. Not even a mutter of “the dirty bastard” but it made me giggle to myself for quite a few minutes.

I went for the large full English noting that tomatoes, mushrooms or hash browns weren’t’ listed although the option to add the latter for £1.30 was available, which I opted against. There was a choice of how I wanted my eggs which was unusual so I opted for poached as I’m trying to be healthy these days….

Think it came to £10.90 if I remember correctly. On the way back to my table I spotted the amazing looking Lemon Drizzle Cake in the fridge which I also opted against but this was more touch and go than the hash brown I can assure you.

Food came quickly and lo and behold it did come with tomatoes, mushroom and hash brown after all. It was really good and I enjoyed it. Before departure I heard one of the ladies serving say “sorry, that’s not available. We’ve got no mango.” I was willing to bet that that line wasn’t used on my previous visit back in the 80’s. Good visit this and nice to revive a childhood memory.

Walsall Wood Fish & Pizza Bar, 23 High Street, Walsall Wood. Reviewed 11/08/25

A few days earlier I’d seen on Brownhills Bob a post from this place with an amazing looking pizza box containing chips, kebab meat, 12″ garlic bread, salad and choice of sauce for £10.99. I replied asking how much without the salad. To be fair they replied quickly saying no difference. I don’t think they realised I was joking. But the post had done it’s job, and grabbed my attention. 3 days later and I had to be in Willenhall at 7.30 so I made it a straight from work mission to go to Willenhall via Walsall Wood.

I don’t catch the number 10 often but it does seem partial to a bit of not turning up hilarity and today was no different. I’d got time on my side so wasn’t too fussed. To make up for lost time I broke the habit of a lifetime and got off the bus at the correct stop in Walsall Wood.

The guy, I presume to be the owner caught me, from behind taking a picture of the place. I said it was my first visit and threw in a bit of extra waffle for good measure.

The owner and the young lass serving were both very friendly. I asked for large mixed kebab meat on naan with chips. Mr Owner Man asked “plain or garlic naan?” I wasn’t expecting this but it wasn’t a hard choice. “Oooh garlic please. Just to keep the vampires away.” A decade ago I’d have been all over that kebab pizza box but I’m trying (and generally failing) to be a good boy these days.

The lass asked “would you like to try our homemade sauce while you are awaiting?” Another easy decision this and I was quickly handed a plastic plate with a scoop of chips and sauce on. Really nice touch this and very much appreciated. Sauce was good.

There was a slush puppy machine whirling away happily with red and blue varieties. It was a hot day. Had the Drunken Duck been open I’d have grabbed a red one and popped in there for them to throw a gin or two in it.

The food was served in a nice paper bag, the kind like you see ;ladies sauntering out of Selfridges in London with. It weighed a ton too, carrying that saved me a trip to the gym. I thanked them and headed out. I sat on a bench outside The Duck and got to work. The battered chips were amazing, and the kebab naan was epic. Have to admit the naan bread beat me and I had to leave a bit. 2016 me would be turning in his grave at that.

I swear, if you’re local to Walsall Wood, get in this place. If you’re not local to Walsall Wood, sod it. Get in this place. Definitely gone on the “must go back to” list. The slogan on the menu for this place is “good food good mood.” Well it was a Monday and I’m with Bob Geldof with regards to that day but I walked away in a great mood on that day.

Bombay – 11 High Street, Brownhills. Reviewed 28/08/25.

John and I wanted another curry mission so we opted on a Brownhills evening. He was accompanied by Shelley and picked me up not long after work. No point hanging around when curry is on the cards.

He had Capital Radio on which was a surprise, but not as much as me knowing two of the songs from Ravyn Lenae and Lewis Capaldi. I’m still down with the kids. I joined in with both. It was only my second time of meeting Shelley but she knows I like a sing song having seen me perform in the controlled environment of the Walsall Arms karaoke.

We popped in The Jiggers Whistle first which is a must when in Brownhills. I’ve not been in since April 2024 so it was nice to see Colin and Teresa again.

They had menus on the bar from the curry house so I grabbed one and perused. First thing I saw? They do gift vouchers. It would of course be churlish of me to mention at this juncture that Christmas is coming yeah? No £ signs on the menu, small pet peeve there but quickly cancelled out by the sight of Nargis Kebab on the the starters.

Amongst the signature dishes was “Staff Curry Of The Day.” New one on me but if it’s good enough for the staff, it’s good enough for me.

We headed next door to Bombay. Completely new tick for me. It’s had a couple of names but now called Bombay – maybe renaming to Mumbai in a few years though? I did wonder if any Bicycle Clubs had a meet up here.

I was fannying around taking pictures so last in (nice waiting area with two settees), John and Shelley were already getting seated so I rushed over. For some reason I was really excited. I commented to Shelley that I was like all of The Pointer Sisters I had two poppadoms as is the law. The three sauces were ace.

We picked up menus. John asked what I was having. I could feel the glint in my eye burning brightly. We were doing the special offer again – same deal as Regards in Aldridge. I ordered the Nargis along with tandoori chicken balti, stressing as usual for no chunks of onion or tomato in the sauce.

I had my back to the restaurant and only looked around when Shelley commented on the decor. In my haste to rush to the table I hadn’t looked around. I now notice the slightly raised other section. Standard for me and John to be in the lower tier like at Walsall FC. I also loved the lights. White and purple. my first and third favourite colours If, as I project in 20 years time when I have saved up enough to have my house rewired, I’m deffo having those lights.

Starters came out and the Nargis was slightly over cooked. It still got demolished though. At this point 4 ladies came in and sat a couple of tables away. Then two men came in and sat next to them. One lass introduced the ladies to them. I did briefly consider pulling up a chair and gatecrashing the introductions but then remembered that I’m rubbish at meeting people so that moment passed.

The mains came out and my God. I needn’t have worried about asking for no tomato or onions, seriously there would have been no room. In a lot of curry, the meat is somewhat free range and has plenty of room to breath. Here it was absolutely rammed with meat. No room for unwanted invaders. And it was bloody great. I didn’t leave a thing. I think the tin man on the roundabout would have heard me scraping the bowl.

The waiter was a top lad. When he brought the hot wipe things, I thanked him for putting down the empty tray for the used wipes. He asked “why are you thanking me for that? It’s empty.” “I like to be polite.” “That’s fine. It was nice to see you walk in here with such a big smile on your face.” Nice words from him.

When he plonked down complimentary Baileys I pointed at it and exclaimed excitedly “now that’s what I’m talking about it.” He replied “don’t talk about it, drink it.” I laughed and did what I was told.

Fair play to John who went up the bar and paid for all the meals. I’d gone running up waving my debit card around but he waved me away like a Premier League referee unconvinced by free kick appeals.

Great visit this and on the way out I chucked £4 in the tips jar as I’d enjoyed the service so much, John had said of the waiter “he likes you, doesn’t he?” Great first visit this and duly added to the ever growing get my arse back to pronto list.

My first thought last Saturday was ‘those seagulls can fuck off.’ It was justified. It was 5.30 and they’d just woken me up. I was next woken at 7.30 by the woman in the room next door who I think was walking around in steel reinforced stilettos. Sod it, it was time to continue working through that stash of teabags in my room.

I treated myself to some rare relaxation time and lay there listening to Radio 2. Dermot O’Leary played a cover that I’d never heard before. Noel Gallagher, Paul Weller and Paul McCartney performing The Beatles “Come Together.” After hearing it the night before it was becoming something of the anthem for the weekend.

Breakfast was a bit odd. I’d gone down, ordered my poached egg on toast and decided to have a crumpet too. I stuck it in the toaster and loitered, as you do while it cooked, which always seems to take forever in that situation. A lass came alongside and poured a bowl of Cornflakes. Might not have been Cornflakes. I wasn’t paying that much attention. Other cereals are (and were) available. Anyway, I was standing right by the fridge and I was basically in the way. I spend most of my life in peoples way so no change there.

I decided to be helpful and got the milk out and passed it to her. She turned it down. “I’m just going to have a yogurt” she said. Who doesn’t have milk on cereal? She didn’t get yogurt either and just had fruit. I didn’t follow suit re the fruit. I was puzzled. Did she think I was trying to pull her via the medium of milk passing? If she thought I was after a bit of crumpet, I’d already got that sorted with the content of the toaster.

It’s a tradition that whenever I’m in Blackpool I go and have a look at where we used to stay as a family on Carlin Gate back in the early 80’s. The self contained place was a 6 room affair and it bugged me at the time, and still does that we didn’t get to stay in room number 5. Even as a kid I liked to get full sets of things ticked off. It’s now and has been for decades a private residence so I’ll never complete that set.

In those days we used to walk along the front, past all 3 piers down to the fairground. I’d got hours before I needed to head to Fleetwood so thought that I’d do it once more for old times sake. I got about 2 steps away from our old residence and it started to rain. I thought ‘bollocks to this’ and decided to get the tram instead. As a kid I was always fascinated by the one destination on the front of trams – Starr Gate. It sounded really futuristic and it still does. I decided to finally see what it was all about.

One daysaver for the tram purchased and we were off. The South Pier/fairground is as far down the prom as I have ever gone so new sights were incoming. And then came the announcement. “The next stop is Starr Gate.” The end of the line. If you are also intrigued about Starr Gate and are playing to make the voyage one day, then look away now. Well, it’s a bit meh. Apologies to any residents reading but it’s just some houses and a very fenced off modern looking building. It looks a nice place to live but there isn’t even a pub. My absolute favourite song of all time is “Suzie” by Boy Kill Boy and it has the chorus line of “countdown, countdown, countdown to the disappointment.” Well 45 or so years is a bloody long countdown for this bout of it. At least it had stopped raining.

I got back on the same tram that I’d got off, earning me a bemused look from the conductor and it started it’s return journey. I was soon back in my room with a cuppa. Not the usual Blackpool pre match drinking that I’m used to. I stuck a YouTube playlist on as I made the bed and a couple of songs in, on came “Nothing Matters” by The Last Dinner Party. Forgetting where I was, I gave it potions as normal before realising I was belting out “and I will fuck you, like nothing matters.” If it was the woman from breakfast in the room next door she might have been thinking ‘bloody hell George, you only offered to pass me the milk. Calm down.’ That is of course, if she calls everyone that she doesn’t know the name of George like I do.

I was still in my room at 1.40. I thought the match at Fleetwood might be in doubt with all the rain we had had, it had been battering my window during the night, but there was no news on this so I headed out. I needed to put the lottery on. I only pay this nowadays when it is a “must be won” jobbie and today it was one of these with a super £15 jackpot. I headed to the local shop. There were 3 men and a woman loitering outside. I got an instinctive feeling that they were up to no good.

I marched in and was pointed to the lottery stand. There was no pen at the end of the chain. “George, there’s no pen” I called out. The man came up and with a sigh, pointed at the 4 outside and said “they’ve got it.” I looked out at them. They did not seem to be doing anything that necessitated the use of a pen. He repeatedly asked them for it back and was ignored. Eventually he pointed at me and said “I’ve got a customer here.” Even I waded in at this point “come on, I’ve got a tram to catch.” This sparked a response. The man with the pen launched it into the road. He then stomped off followed by the two other lads. The shopkeeper retrieved the pen. It was devoid of the plastic casing and was just the inner thing (I know not the technical name for it). I looked at it and the man went off to get another one.

For some reason the lass from the group took an interest as I was making my selections and stood very closely, asking questions. I didn’t realise how hard it is to mark off your numbers when being distracted, using just your weak hand because your strong one is on phone guarding duty in your pocket due to the proximity of an unknown woman. She was really interested though. I was wondering if I’d pulled. Have I been doing it wrong all these years? Instead of visiting thousands of pubs I should have been going round newsagents putting the lottery on. Right, that’s the future. I’ll soon have Gambling Anonymous on speed dial.

Anyway the shopkeeper told her to clear off in the end and I put my numbers on. I’m really looking forward to 6 months time when I eventually get round to checking the ticket to see if it was all worthwhile. As I walked away I thought ‘just for once in my life can I have a normal straightforward day with nothing odd happening?’ I’m not holding my breath. If I win millions, I’m buying that place on Carlin Gate.

Finally on the tram, I was invited to sit with Laura and Joe which was nice. We were soon at Fleetwood. I’ve only been to the ground twice. In 2010 for the F.A Cup when Fleetwood were still non league and Walsall fans absolutely rammed the now closed Jolly Sailor pub. The cute but very stressed lone barmaid had a very busy shift. Just one more barmaid and they’d have made millions.

Anyway, we were shit that day scraping a lucky draw and the only highlight being with the new stand under construction they had a crane on loan from a Walsall company and we were chanting “we want our crane back.” I was also at a late season game in 2018 which we lost. The other visit was on a soaking wet day in December 2015. A big group of us were in The Strawberry Gardens when news came through of the match being postponed. Not one person shed a tear and more drinks were quickly on the cards. Woza and I went on a pub crawl of Fleetwood and I got absolutely twatted. Steaming by the time we reached The Steamer was my summing up of the day.

I had to visit the ticket office, and bumped into Tim Warner who had chips. He offered me one but threw in the caveat that they were shit. He said a better chip ship was round the back so I declined his offer and went to hunt for that one. The Highbury Chippy is right by the away end and unlike me I found it easily. I marched straight in with my order of smallest chips, biggest fish on my mind. I was behind Wurzel (I don’t know his real name) and soon I was outside gorging on Omega 3. Suddenly I heard a noise. Two seagulls were descending my way. Those seagulls can fuck off seemed to be the theme of the day. Wurzel scared them off which I was very grateful for. He then stood behind me and kept guard as they sat on the road plotting their next sortie.

There had been a steady stream of fans heading in but suddenly there was a deluge. The pub must have emptied. I decided now would be a good time to go in just to convince everyone I had been drinking. The queue was sizeable but moving nicely. It needed a bit of chaos. Enter stage left – me. My ticket wouldn’t scan. There wasn’t anyone sitting there to show the ticket to like at other grounds so I tried again and again. Admitting defeat I waved the person behind me through. A female steward asked what was up. Turns out I’d been given a ticket for the seats. I hadn’t checked it. She was a top lass though and let me on the terrace. What a star.

As I’d missed kick off and with the terrace very full I just headed down the other end in search of a gap. I found one and took it, approaching from behind, and looking at the pitch not at where I was going. It took 10 minutes to realise I was next to Panda, Sean and Jack – it was Sean who spotted this. We quickly went a goal down but pulled it back level. Aden Flint was amazing one goal saving tackle was unreal and a header nearly reached the half way line. I could have done with him outside defending me from the seagulls. He’d have headed them to Bispham.

Honours even at the end. I’ll take that as they dicked us 8-2 over the two league games last season. Nice to see Kimbo, Kirsty, John and Shelley (Shelley making her Walsall FC debut), Jay, Rob, Dave O’Shea, Mase (who I think I headbutted in my eagerness to give him a hug), Martin, Paul and Simon, Micky Lees and the two Jonah’s who caught me munching outside. Apologies to anyone that I’ve missed.

John had mooted Strawberry Gardens after the game so I headed there, albeit with a wrong turn or two. He was there with Shelley, his son Harvey, Nathan and Sue & Tomo. After a pleasant hour I done one. Again I had Joe and Laura for tram company. I got off by Central Pier, as I had another retro slot machine arcade to tick off following the success of the one the night before.

This arcade only had 1 machine that I wanted to play – Road Hog. My first pound coin dropped through, I tried again, the same then it swallowed a £2 coin. I was not happy. I stormed out and stomped off down the promenade. I wasn’t in a mood for long. How could I be? I was on the front in Blackpool. The sights, sounds and smells as you walk along just lifts your mood. I had only one thing left on my to do list so I pressed on, southwards.

It started to rain. ‘It’ll quickly pass like all the others have’ I thought. It didn’t. I was now in that stretch between the Central and south Piers where it’s all hotels. Nowhere to hide. It absolutely pissed down. I made it to Dutton Arms which used to be the must visit pub in Blackpool but it lost that franchise after a couple of crap trips there, so I turned the corner.

At this point, the rain somehow manged to intensify. I was nearly at The Bull though. What song popped in my head? B*Witched “Blame It On The Weatherman.” “The rain goes ooooooon, ooooooon and on again.” Great even my brain is having banter with me now. Won’t blame the weatherman/woman though. They can’t help it being shit but I did consider raising the issue in a slightly flirty email to Lucy Verasamy.

On the way I’d noticed that Yates’s had closed down. If that can’t stay open then nowhere is safe. (November 13th update. It’s been demolished. Yates’s Blackpool demolished. Iconic art deco building gone. What a shame.) I prayed that The Bull was still open and there it was. Apologies for the lack of a photo but you know. I wanted to get inside. As I squelched in I got the obligatory “is it raining?” question. God job I’ve got a manic sense of humour. I was absolutely soaked to the skin. I could have jumped off the end of all 3 piers and still been dryer. The barmaid was nice and smiley which lifted my mood. I only stayed for one (after all that). Katy Perry came on just as I was finishing but even she couldn’t tempt me to stay longer. I was cold, wet and hungry. I needed food. McDoanlds is close and I’ve not yet had a dabble with the Monopoly game but I reckoned that the world and their mom would be sheltering there so I had a moment that sounds like a Chance card. “Go to hotel. Go directly to hotel. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200.” Although doing the last bit of that would have been pleasant.

I jumped on the tram and got off at North Pier. I grabbed a burger, not off the front. I’m a tight was and believe that things are cheaper up a side street so I grabbed 1/2 pound cheeseburger (only £1 more than a 1/4lb – no brainer) and walked back.

I had a row with the lock on the front door. Trying to use my weak hand to unlock it while the strong one clutched my food. I was cold, wet, shivering and miserable. I was also about to piss myself, not that that would have made much of a difference at that moment.

I made it in, and to the loo in time. I had to peel my jeans off me – calm down ladies, but soon I was under the duvet with a cuppa warming up, listening to the Legal Hour on LBC. In bed at 9.30 on a Saturday night in Blackpool. God I feel my full 51 years.

Following morning I headed down for breakfast. I stopped on the way into the room and rubbed my eye. “Heavy night?” asked the sole other person. I laughed, but gave him the truth “no, I had two Diet Coke all day.” I didn’t realise doing Coke made you look so rough. I’ll remember that.

I went to check out at 10 and asked the nice lady if I could sit in the bar to make some notes. She asked if I’d like a cup of tea which I was never going to turn down. She then said that my room wasn’t being used that day and did I want to go back up there to relax until my train. That was so decent of her and I was very grateful as I’d got no plan on how to fill the next 3 hours after departure.

Just before departure I played “Come Together” – The Beatles version as it had been the song of the weekend and I found £2 under the bed which made up for what the fruit machine had robbed the night before.

I stopped at the Greggs at Blackpool North railway station, had a laugh with the nice lady serving. It was a superb weekend and a train coffee was a nice way to round things off. Shocking on my part though that I didn’t make it to a Ma Kellys all weekend and there was one 5 minutes walk from my hotel. Must try harder.

At Preston the trains had been misbehaving. The ones before mine had had an hour and 40 minute delays respectively. Ours was only 3 minutes late. Phew.

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I love Blackpool, not gonna lie. We went every year as kids and now I occasionally visit so last weekend I was up as Walsall were at Fleetwood on the Saturday. My last trip was in 2022 on that very boozy 3 day visit in between leaving SciChem and starting at Cardboard Boxes 2 Go. I blogged about all 3 days and at the time the Saturday edition was one of my favourites, although the Sunday one gets the Google traffic.

I nearly missed the train from Walsall as I was fannying around repeatedly checking I’d turned iron, lights and taps off and locked doors etc. In Birmingham I alighted the train which I believe is the posh word for it and saw people waiting for the lift. ‘I’ll have me a bit of that’ was my though. No escalator not working hilarity on my part for you this time New Street.

The lift brought me out right by the Avanti 1st Class Lounge. I noticed it wasn’t closing early this time. Academic anyway as I’m not due to travel first class again until 2030. No, I’ve not missed a dot out there. I’m not first classing at 8.30 tonight.

On the train I settled down and resumed reading my new book Dear Bill Bryson by Ben Aitken – the second book of his I’ve read. He goes to lots of places that that the title person also visited. I’m hoping to learn about being a travel writer by reading a travel writer. My post it note bookmark has now been upgraded to a Highgate Brewery beer mat.

A couple got on at Crewe. I assumed they were a couple. She was clutching a bunch of flowers. They had a very visible £6 label on them. I was eager to know if he had bought them for her or were they from work or sommert? None of my actual business I appreciate but the wannabe investigative journalist in me refuses to die. It reminded me of the time I was very keen on a checkout lass at Tesco so I purchased flowers from there and presented them to her. Nothing came of it but I got some Clubcard points, so not all bad.

In Blackpool I was staying on Springfield Road and yes I had the “we put the spring in Springfield” song from The Simpsons in my head as I walked up the street.

At the entrance there was a note saying that the bell doesn’t work. Trying to make me feel at home already. Nice touch. I was let in and welcomed then told “the last occupant in your room broke the shower. It still works but….” I stopped listening. I got the shower working in Eastcote and was up for another challenge.

My room had 8 tea bags waiting for me, they’d clearly done their research. I’d forgotten my strictly one a day rank tasting weight loss tea bags so one of this stash perished straight away. I got the shower working and also had a go on the hair dryer. Not used one of those for 35 years but it was listed as a feature of the room when booking so as I’d paid for it, what the hell?

I lay on the bed, Radio 2 for company and pondered my options. I was meeting Jane (known as Blackpool Jane in the blogging and Twitter universes) at 6. My plans for the weekend had been watered down somewhat from the original draft. My boiler blew on the day before so with a repair bill incoming I shelved plans to go up the tower and the waxworks. I even considered not going to the game but I had a word with myself as it was the whole point of the weekend.

When searching for hotels I regularly go for the cheapest option but this time I was a bit blase and went for the second cheapest. I had considered cancelling and booking the cheaper one when the boiler went.

In the end I just chilled out for a bit and was at Cask & Tap in good time to meet Jane. I hadn’t seen Jane since the legendary Preston trip last October so there was much to discuss and catch up on. She’d returned from a trip to France with her boyfriend Lee that very day do I was chuffed she was able to make it out.

Curry was on the agenda. Jane had two options, Akash where we went last time or a different one just down the road. I fear change so we went back to Akash. Jane was greeted like royalty upon arrival and the main man asked loudly “where’s Lee?” Jane gave his apologies then he looked at me and demanded “who’s this guy?” Jane explained how we lived together when she was in Walsall and that I was here for the football. Turns out he used to go to Bescot with Blackpool Hotel owner Clive Welch back in the Kenny Hibbitt days. He didn’t mention going after that. I guess some of the performances during that spell put him off. I nearly stopped going to be fair. Jane explained how the lad loves Lee and is obsessed with him. All good.

We got menus and Jane announced “I’ll pay for the curry.” “Are you sure?” I asked. “Yes, I’ve not seen you in ages.” Thanks Jane, very kind of you.

I had chicken tikka naan with tandoori chicken masala. It was amazing. We got talking of itinerary. Jane said there was a band playing nearby that plays our music. She showed the artists being covered and I was straight in. I asked where Church Street is as I had a retro fruit machine arcade on my to do list and Google had shown it was close by here but not pinpointed it precisely. It was right by where the band were playing. Beautiful occurrence.

I must point out at this juncture that I’ve not played a fruit machine since 2003 when I put £6 (the last money I had on me including my bus fare back to Darlaston) in one in The Brewery Stores and got nothing out of it. In hindsight I could have used that money to buy flowers for a woman in Crewe.

We departed and heaedd to The Reel Vegas. It started pissing it down. Jane had no coat and I’d made a last minute decision to bring a rain mac. I offered it to her twice but she refused. Had it not been a Walsall FC mac she might have gone for it. She is a proud Blackpool fan so I totally get this.

At the arcade I was initially disappointed as all the machines were the shit modern ones, then I spotted an open door and a sign saying “retro slots downstairs” and hell yeah. Loads of 90s style machines. I wanted to have a go on a Monopoly one. This was quickly usurped when I found the Viz one. Melons and plums as the fruits rather than the usual ones, and as I recalled on the feature Big Vern saying “banged up in the chokey” meant game over whilst Sid The Sexist saying “I’ve pulled” meant instant jackpot.

We continued to peruse and I found a Monopoly one. That was it. They say “you should only gamble what you can afford to lose.” I deduced I could afford to lose a tennar and changed one for pound coins. It would have been £5 if Jane hadn’t paid for the curry.

I went on Viz first. I wanted to get on the feature but it wasn’t to be. However the rude noises when using the hold buttons made me laugh. After £5 went in I’d won just £1.20 so walked away. I put a quid in Monopoly, got on the board straight away, was offered £1.80 for landing on Bow Street and took it. Kept to the tradition of putting £6 in.

On the way out I asked if I could take a picture of the place. The security guard granted permission and moved out of shot but asked “do you work for Admiral?” “no, I just like to keep a record of where I go.” I should have said yes and seen what he gave me. Knowing my luck though he would have meant Admiral the insurance people and asked for a quote on contents and building cover.

We went to Rythm And Brew Room. The bar is coolly decked out with various beer branded bottle crates hanging from the ceiling and an old BBC Live On Air light lit up behind the band. I want one of those when I eventually manage to save enough to get my house rewired.

Jane grabbed drinks. She got a can of Slurm, named after a highly addictive drink in the show Futurama. The reference was wasted on me though. A lady from an adjacent table rushed over to see what this green drink was and she knew of the drink having seen the show. Jane was pleased that someone else knew it. This lady, we’ll call her Lady Futurama had a little chat and then went back to her group.

Jane grabbed beer mats as her friend collects them but didn’t have anywhere to put them so I stuck them in my coat pocket for her. It’s got to be 20 years since I pocketed a beer mat. Good job I didn’t have my new bookmark with me or she might have wanted that too. Nice to see beer mats. Lots of places don’t bother with them nowadays preferring the wet table approach. It’s a bit poo to be honest.

Random song of the day came on just before the band started. “Flat Beat” by Mr Ozio. I joined in with the head movements like the puppet (Flat Eric) on the Levi’s advert. I must have looked like a bit of a nob, but hey when has that ever bothered me?

The band, Midnight Rockers Club were great. Took to them straight away. They opened with “Ruby” by Kaiser Chiefs and went into “Laid” by James, no censoring of the “she only comes when she’s on top” lyric like you get on radio versions nowadays. Other first half highlights were my joint favourite Beatles song “Come Together” – (the other being A Day In The Life, now that Twist And Shout has been disqualified for not being a Beatles original.) We also had “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World which is just one of the best songs ever although I was a bit disappointed that everyone didn’t strip to their underwear like in the video. I’d have seriously considered getting involved with that.

This set was wrapped up with a cover of Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now”, hopefully inspired by the Green Day version and Jane’s favourite ever rendition of “Don’t You Want Me?”

At half time I went up to try and get a picture of the BBC live light. The band thought I’d gone up for a chat so had to explain my movements. We did indeed have a natter though and they are decent lads.

The toilet or “beer recycling centre” as it says on the door is cool. Big Beatles Abbey Road poster above the urinals and there is hardly a bit of wall space without band stickers on it. Even the hand drier has a covering of these too.

Second half began and I’ll be honest, as I clambered out of bed that morning, I didn’t expect to be seeing a live band this evening, certainly not a segway of Blink 182 “All The Small Things” into Busted’s “Year 3000.” Another highlight was Wheatus “Teenage Dirtbag”. Lady Futurama and her friend who had been up front dancing most of the night were invited on stage to sing the “Mena Suvari” bits. That was awesome

It was a fantastic set, every song singalongable and I got through some serious amounts of air drumming. Phenomenal night.

At the end Jane headed out as Lee was coming to pick her up. I was about to put my coat on then Lady Futurama asked “are you staying for another drink?” I lied and said “yes” We got talking through the medium of a couple of q & a sessions. First up she asked questions about Jane and I as she ascertained our relationship status. I confirmed more than once that Jane had gone home with her boyfriend and I was wondering where this was going then she chucked in a throwaway line about her husband, who was sat opposite.

Next she quizzed me on tv. It went a little like this. “Do you also watch Futurama?” “I’ve only ssen 1 episode. I’m more of a Simpsons man.” “You’ve watched Game Of Thrones though right?” “Never seen an episode.” I forget what the third programme was but it maintained the negative responses. I followed up meekly with “I’m more of a radio person” before throwing in that I’d seen all of Baby Reindeer which went down well, especially when I revealed I’d been to the actual pub in it. In all honesty, she’d have been better off asking me about Astro-Physics. I know shit all about that as well.

She then pointed at a lad and a lass on her table and asked me which one I’d most like to be with. I pointed at the female. She then asked him the same question about me and the lass. I didn’t expect to win this one and so it proved.

She talked about herself, coming from Manchester and spoke about Blackpool in general, expressing surprise that I was walking back to my b & b on my own and urged me to get a taxi.

I had a brief chat with her husband when she was outside and they were both really nice people but it was nighty night time. I said my good byes to her outside, and she checked that I was going to get a taxi. I said I would. I didn’t. I took a gentle amble along the prom. Cracking night. Cheers Jane. Oh I do like to be beside the seaside.

I got up late last Saturday. Standard. The plan was to go on a mission to Bloxwich then for breakfast at the Walsall Arms. It was 10am when I rose, very lazy yeah so brekkie was pushed up the batting order.

When the Walsall Arms started doing Saturday breakfast last year, I was there for the first 9 weeks – missing out on the perfect 10 because of a wedding in Kent. Over the last few months though it has become a rare treat and boy did I need one of those on this day. I strolled in and instructed Jodi to “inject the fried bread into me.”

Breakfast was good. I stayed for an extra cuppa and used this bit of down time to finish reading “Everybody died, so I got a dog” by Emily Dean. It is heartwarming, has some brilliant lines in it but also a tragic side which really resonated with me. Emily used to co host the Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio so she was the voice of my Saturday mornings for 15 years, so it felt right to finish her book at that time. A great line that stays with me was from her father “be wary of people who make more noise than impact.” Nobody noticed my makeshift bookmark, fashioned from a spent work post it note. Even when looking cultured by reading a book, I still manage to make it uncouth.

Anyway it was a pleasant time. I’ve really cut down on the Walsall pub visits these past few months so it was nice. I’ve been trying to save money so I can travel more. Collated a bit but the plan is generally being scuppered be me keep going away for weekends. Oh well, the water bill free months are coming. I’ll save then. As I was about to leave, “Undressed” by Sombr came on which is my favourite song of the moment so I delayed the departure a little. I nearly ordered another cuppa.

I was soon on the way to Bloxwich. It was the opening day of a pork scratching shop, the kind of retail outlet that I can really get on board with. Cool Hog is based on Park Road by Windsor Fish Bar and they have a palindromic post code WS3 3SW, which I approve of. Love a palindrome – “step on no pets” is one of my faves. I used to serve the Cool Hog owner Luke in the trade counter at Cardboard Boxes 2 Go so it was good to go and reverse the roles.

Kid in a sweet shop is a bit of a cliche but grown man in a scratchings shop is the future. There are different flavours – I opted for the biggest jar of maple plus some other bits and bobs including a cookie. Hot scratchings are available which I discovered for the first time on the legendary Erdington day. I resisted the urge this time though as everyone on the 32 bus would have wanted one. It was all very exciting.

Because I’d spent above a certain amount (I forget what) I got to spin the wheel to see if I won a prize. I didn’t. Great shop though with friendly staff. I wish them well. They are open Tuesday to Saturday 9am until 6pm (5pm on a Saturday. Check out http://www.coolhog.co.uk or find them on Facebook. (As I type this 3 days on I’ve now tried the maple flavour and they are amazing. I’d be having to go to Scratchings Anonymous if I lived close by.)

I was meeting friends on the afternoon, arriving last to the Black Country Arms. I’d been editing last Sundays blog – not gorging on scratchings and I loitered at the bar to check the Walsall score and was pleasantly surprised to see us 1-0 up at MK. I grabbed a Diet Coke and headed upstairs. Mark, Swill and Morti were already there along with Gareth and Tina who were up from Wales. Gareth and I go back to the 90’s but this was only my second time of meeting Tina. At home I’d grabbed a shirt out the wardrobe and then because I’m a bit weird I checked what I was wearing the last time I met Tina. It was the same shirt. I swapped it for my Brasseye “Drugs” episode t-shirt.

Swill had got an umbrella. I asked if there was a sweepstake for when he’d lose it. Walsall held on for the win which was a cracking result. How did Swill and I celebrate this stunning win? Well we had a chat about death. We certainly know how to party. By 17.39 Swill was starting on the poo anecdotes. This should have been another sweepstake.

Mark disappeared and shortly afterwards we hit The Tap & Tanner. En route we passed the new barbers on the market. It was pointed out that they had an available chair for me. Quickest response I could muster on the spot was “I’ve got to have a back, sack and crack. Catch you up.” I had been looking for a reason to start reviewing all these new barbers in town, don’t worry. I won’t include photos.

In The Tap, Swill was talking of his exploits on AI. He said that he could take a picture of me, make me naked and put in any woman that has a picture on the internet. I was torn between being bemused by this or giving him my bank details and telling him to make me an album. I opted for the former. Talking of AI. I was asked recently if I use it to write my blogs. I honestly don’t. For 2 reasons. I wouldn’t know how to and no computer would be able to replicate the thought processes that go through my head.

The music started at 7.30 and it was really loud, conversation stifling (although I didn’t mind this when Rick Astley was played. Opps, there goes my street cred running out the door again.) When UB40 came on we scarped across the road to The Registry.

We found a decent booth in The Reg and really put the world to right. Music was at a decent level and it was a pleasant visit. Morti departed and the remainder of the group headed up to Katz.

There was a live band on in Katz and it was busy but we dropped lucky with seats as a group was leaving. I didn’t know any of the songs but the band were good. Swill was impressed with them and he knows his way around a guitar. He delighted us with a bit of air guitar on his umbrella, getting the handle fully erect for added effect.

We finished up in The Walsall Arms. Jodi was back on duty although no longer behind the bar taking breakfast orders, she was now on the dj decks taking requests. At the end of the Erdington day it was also her request night. I didn’t ask for anything that time and one of the first we heard in here on this occasion was “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry and to be honest, nothing I could choose was topping that. Also I’d got “Light The Night” by Andy Burrows – theme tune to The Snowman & The Snowdog in my head. As great a song as it is, not really suitable for the last Saturday in August.

Swill still had his umbrella. Unprecedented. To celebrate this he fully opened it and had a dance around with it. Don’t ask what song, no idea. I don’t minute everything. He said his goodbyes shortly afterwards. He’d left over half a pint. I pulled it alongside mine. It’s what he would have wanted.

It was a top end to an amazing day. Nice to catch up with great mates. Jodi finished with a bit of Backstreet Boys “I Want It That Way” and we called it a night after giving that a sing song. I had a reduced price Tesco Finest “luxury” prawn cocktail waiting for me in the fridge.

I took a slow amble home, checking if Danny’s Chicken was open, which it wasn’t. I mnade it home and crasjed out. I had the prawn cocktail for breakfast,.

A couple of weeks ago I got a message, random by his own admission – from Josh asking if I wanted to go to the last ever Birmingham Brummies Speedway event at Perry Barr. In our friendship it’s normal my job to send the random messages but I’m now clearly influencing him. At first thought I wasn’t that keen but then the idea of something different and a bit of history with a top man won me over. I’ve never been to Speedway but a few years ago Walsall FC were away at Swindon on a Tuesday night but instead of it being live on Radio WM, they opted to commentate on Speedway instead and it was tedious. I hoped it would be more exciting watching it.

I have absolutely no knowledge of the sport and can only name one rider – Sam Ermolenko, who the sport man on Beacon Radio was absolutely obsessed with when I was a kid.

Fast forward to last Monday and Josh messaged at half 8 asking if I wanted more time that day with him. I was very keen and replied reflecting this. He replied saying that he’d pick me up at 10.30, which I was less keen on, as I’d dropped off to sleep again and didn’t see it until 10am. I nearly broke my neck in my haste to get in and out the bath quickly but all good in the end. I had no idea what he had planned but I layered up on factor 50 (thanks Carole) just in case.

He picked me up, along with his daughters Maizie and Grace and we headed towards West Bromwich. As we reached Sandwell General Hospital he slowed to a crawl. ‘Marvellous’ I thought ‘he must think I don’t see enough hospital during the working week, so he’s brought me to another one on my day off. Inject it into me.’ My hopes were dashed though, he was just getting his bearings and soon we were instead at Sandwell Valley. Somewhere I’d not been before.

The surprise was that we were attending the One Fest festival which I quickly clocked as having something of a Caribbean feel to it. Loads of food vendors, craft stalls, a funfair, two stages and an impressive amount of portaloos. Josh must have told them that I was coming.

We had an amble around. First random occurrence was a lady carrying two drinks made in coconut shells. She stopped and asked me to push one of the straws in. Not been asked that before but I did and we exchanged pleasantries whilst I resisted the urge to compliment her on her pair of coconuts.

I then spotted a nice lady walking around with “Talk to me” on the back of her shirt. I knew not the context for this, and of course I didn’t ask. I don’t have the confidence to go and talk to women, even when there is a written invitation on the back of her shirt. The phrase did give me Terry Tibbs from Fonejacker vibes though. I had visions of her marching up to a food stall and demanding “curry goat, with rice and pea. Talk to me!”

We headed towards the main stage which was blasting out music. Second song was “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” – the UB40 version. Josh took no time in taking the piss. He loves UB40 where as I’m somewhat indifferent. The Elvis version of that song though is one of my absolute favourites, so I did sing along.

I spotted a food vendor called Rastaurant which I thought was bloody brilliant and I said that “I’d be giggling about that all day.”

We headed back to the first field and found chairs. Live entertainment was starting on what I took to be the number 2 stage of the set up. A lass came out and she was really good but not many people were watching, with most being in the other field. At the end hardly anybody clapped and I felt really sorry for her. There was more applause after our dreadful defeat to Accrington in April.

The Ice Cream van was calling. I pondered a Cornetto but I would have had Jay from The Inbetweeners in my head while the lady was serving me. I had a double headed cone with two flakes. It was called Twin Bunny Ears. I’m old school though and for me it should have been a called a 198. I did that sum in my head. Hey check me, I only got an E in GCSE Maths.

We went to the fairground bit so the girls could check out some rides. Not my scene in the slightest. I stopped going to fairgrounds when I was 8 having already deduced by that age that they are shit. And since then I’ve seen Final Destination 3, plus the only episode of Casualty that I’ve seen, back in the 90’s started with some kids going to a fair. I had an uneasy feeling that something bad was going to happen and lo and behold, one of them ended up in hospital. Josh thought that he was joining the girls on The Crazy Caterpillar but got out of it at the last second, rejoining the boozy bezzie in the shade.

After a quick food van mission (1/2 pound cheeseburger for £7 – take note Barnet FC) we headed back into the main field. Red Red Wine by UB40 came on. It was inevitable. I lay down and moved around trying to get comfy. Half an hour later we were off. I got up and was absolutely covered in dried grass – not that sort. I’d turned into Worzel Gummidge in no time at all. I glanced around to see if Aunt Sally was about offering a cup o’ tea an’ a slice o’ cake. She wasn’t.

Back in the car and the first song that came on was “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding which I love and I gave it portions. Not sure Josh was impressed but when you have a stage performer in the vicinity you can never rule out a spontaneous song outburst.

We headed to Josh’s where he resumed his mission of fattening me up for Christmas (he feeds me like he’s my personal Marcus Rashford – his line) and I got down to fussing his dog. I’m really not a dog person having been bitten by a Great Dane when I was nine but Mad Max is urging a rethink and we really have hit it off. Josh’s wife Lyndsey says that I’m Max’s favourite person. I’ll take that.

It was time to start thinking Speedway. The last ever race meeting at Perry Barr Stadium, Birmingham Brummies v Leicester Lions, before it is flattened for housing. To my none West Midlands readers, Perry Barr is an area of Birmingham – not a pear cider stall at a beer festival.

I’d mentioned earlier on that whilst mooching around Perry Barr 10 years ago I’d found a pub by the stadium (which used to hold greyhound racing) called The 7th Trap but it was closed and hoped it might be open this evening. Josh didn’t know of it but researched it. “It’s coming up permanently closed” he said. “Oh, it’s not there anymore. They’ve put a McDonald’s on it.” “Well” I replied “that’s one way of permanently closing it. Put a McDnald’s on it.” “Ronald, we’re not lovin’ it.” Nice line Josh.

My ideal Happy Meal is a cheese, onion and black pudding crusty cob, packet of pork scratchings and a pint. Yeah, keeping the pub would have been better.

As I’d not been to Speedway before I had questions. “What end are we going in? As it’s the last night, are we allowed to invade the track at the end and grab souvenirs?” There were probably others.

We got to Perry Barr. Josh pointed out the McDonald’s. I flicked the v’s at it. We walked to the round. Josh, now accompanied with his son George strolled in, whilst I fannied around taking pictures. As I approached, the gate was closed on me. I was puzzled. “Have I got to use another entrance?” I asked. “We’re full” the gatekeeper said “not letting anyone else in.” Regular blog readers will know that I never query anything. Josh noticed I wasn’t alongside and came back to the gate as I just stood there. He told the man that I was with them and I was allowed in. Cheers Josh. I was already planning what I was having in McDonald’s whilst waiting for them. (Double Fillet O’Fish meal with large toffee latte and a Jaffa Cake McFlurry side mission if you must know.) Josh had said that the McDonalds should have 7 traps in the toilet in honour of the pub name and I’d have certainly checked that out. Should have been insisted on in the planning application. The pictures I had taken were shit by the way. It was a brutal lesson in not fannying around.

In the queue to get in I had another of my stupid moments. I thought ‘God the traffic is bad around here’ upon hearing the sound of numerous motorbikes. Totally forgetting that there was a motor bike event starting to the left of me. I felt a bit bad as I may have taken the place of someone who had been coming 40 years and there was soon a lengthy queue by the gate but more folk were let in so I relaxed.

We missed the first race due to being in the bar, well we had to bring a bit of a Walsall FC match feel to the proceedings but we were in the stand, almost level with the finishing post – for race 3 and I got into it. Josh explained that the match could finish 45-45 and then a super heat would decide it. 45-45?That would impress Zager and Evans if they are Speedway fans.

Josh made friends with the people behind and set about asking them lots of questions which I ear wigged in on. If it was left to me to do this research it wouldn’t have happened and I was more than happy to sub let this job to him.

Between the races there are random songs played. At one point we had Wannabe, The Lion Sleeps Tonight into Wunderbar. There is a two minute warning for the riders to leave the pits. I wanted this. When I’m out with Chris Kelly he always gives a 2 minute warning ahead of leaving the pub and it would have been nice to play this for him.

A man en route to the loo manged to kick Josh and George’s drinks over. Mine was on safer ground in my hand. Josh rushed off to get replacements. He rang me shortly afterwards but I couldn’t hear a thing as, you know there were loud motorbikes going by.

The man returned and said he’d get replacement drinks and I said Josh was already on the case. He said he still wanted to get them so asked what Josh looked like. So I described his outfit. “Yeah but what does he look like?” I went straight into don’t do this to me mode. I can’t describe what I look like and I know how I look off by heart. I tell you, if I ever have to give a statement to the Police, my assailant would look nothing like the artists impression. I showed the man a picture of Josh and off he went in the direction of the bar.

A few minutes later Josh called again, and I could hear him this time. He asked me to bring the plastic glasses as they’d run out. I mentioned that the man was on the way to buy replacements but I was told to bring them anyway. He’d totalled George’s glass. In the bar Josh was at the front, somewhat exasperated but easy to find. There was no sign of the man. I deduced that the search party had been called off pretty quickly. Back outside and Josh had me trying to identify the man. The evening was turning into an edition of Crimewatch.

Back on the track and a rider came off his bike causing the race to be red lighted and stopped. The dj immediately started to play “Red Light Spells Danger” no idea if this was coincidence or deliberate but I loved it.

After the 10th race we had “Snooker Loopy” over the p.a system. “Has the dj just thought it’s the last night night, fuck it. I’m going off the play list” was Josh’s thoughts on this utter randomness.

The man to my left had been getting a bit animated and at one point we made eye contact. He smiled and said “this is hard work.” I smiled and nodded in agreement, not knowing really what I was agreeing to. At the start of the next race he shouted “for fucks sake.” Yep, deffo hard work.

I decided on a toilet visit. On the way into the bar there was a lady carrying a tray with a least 10 pints on it. Possibly more. I didn’t stop to do a proper audit but I did start to think that love at first sight really could be a thing.

The urinals were busy so I headed into a cubicle. It was already proving to be an emotional night and it looked like someone had been crying all over the toilet seat.

Before the last race they played “The Final Countdown” prior to the last 2 minute warning. That got me emotional. Leicester won the night 58-32. Afterwards there were speeches and riders did final laps and wheelies over the finishing line.

Josh asked his new friends how the attendance compared to normal nights and they said it would be less than a quarter of this, and I felt guilty again. I thoroughly enjoyed the night though and it was good to be a part of history. Speedway is a million times better watching than listening to commentary.

Walking down the street afterwards I heard an announcement on the p.a and commented that it was a nice touch. “What is?” asked Josh. “They are going to let people walk around the track and take pictures.” “Do you want to?” His voice was an octave higher than his default vocal tone. “Not really” I replied. “Oh Evo.” His voice had quickly dropped to 2 or 3 octaves lower than his default setting.

It had been a superb day in the Sun. August Bank Holiday Monday used to be all about Walsall matches but that doesn’t happen anymore so it was great to do new things. We rounded the day off with a bit of sight seeing on the journey back to mine.

Josh dropped me off and I was soon tucked up in bed ready to go back to work. I was still chuckling at Rastaurant.

October 2025 update and the Perry Barr stadium is now being demolished https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/birmingham-landmark-gone-forever-bulldozers-32735056

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A week last Saturday Walsall were away at Barnet. I’d stopped the night at a hotel in Eastcote following an evening in Pinner. But now it was time for the main part of the weekend. Football.

Barnet are back in The Football League after running away with the Conference title last season. Since we last played them they have moved to a new ground so lots of us were up for getting a new tick. Barnet made the ticket arrangements a bit odd though. Our season ticket holders were sent a code which would allow them to buy tickets. Josh and I have swapped roles as season ticket holders this season. He got one while I dropped off. Thankfully he got me a ticket but many of us raised an eyebrow (or two) at the cost of £26. I took the Stella Artois approach though. Walsall FC “reassuringly expensive.”

Josh said he’d pick me up from my hotel. (The people in room 53 still had the do not disturb sign on). I’d barely got my seat belt on and Josh started the banter, “you got your ticket geezer?” I laughed at his question “yeah good one fella.” He shot me a look. “I’m not messing. Haven’t you got it?” “No, you didn’t give it me.” Somehow he’d brought his and his son’s but not mine. He came up with a plan. He phone the hotel, pretended to be me and asked if they could print the ticket. I was quire disappointed that he didn’t do an actual impression of me though. I’d love to hear that.

He drove us to Pinner. He’d researched and we were soon at Silver Grill Cafe. It was busy. Always a good sign. We got our drinks. “Do you want sugar?” he asked. “Is there a sweetener?” I asked. “You’re such a ponce” he retorted. I settled for brown sugar. Mick Jagger would have been very impressed. He was right with the ponce bit though. At this point he was one of only 3 people that knew about my cheese and wine antics from the night before.

I paid up. It was a friendly place but I did wonder how they keep tabs on folk. I’m used to cash up front for breakfasts.

We headed back to Eastcote to my hotel. Josh – still pretending to be me, went into Reception to print my ticket. Thank God it was a different Receptionist or she’d have been thinking ‘he seems taller, thinner, younger and better looking than yesterday. And where did he get that hair from? He was bald yesterday’ He got back in the car clutching A4 goodness. He didn’t go all Neville Chamberlain “I have in my hand a piece of paper.” He was parked on a bend though so really not the time for pre World War 1 impressions.

Josh didn’t fancy paying to park at my hotel so we found a parking space by the tube station. Final song we heard before parking was “Push The Button” my second favourite song by Sugababes. Nice nod to founding member Siobhan Donaghy who was born in Eastcote, although she had left the group 4 years before that song came out.

We got the Metropolitan Line, but had to change at Wembley Park. Josh’s turn for the bad memories of May to come back. We were soon on the Jubilee Line and heading to Canons Park. Josh knows how much I love the London Underground so it was good to have him with me on it. I’ve only used it about 8 times but am addicted to all the “we got to get to this station to get that line” stuff. Marvellous.

Barnet no longer play in said town but are now based at The Hive near Edgware. I loved the old ground Underhill. I went 4 times. The fabulous 3-1 win in April 1995 on the way to promotion is the standout result but a 3-0 defeat in early November 1992 which had us Saddlers singing Christmas Carols, hymns and Andy Collins doing some very vigorous air organ playing was memorable. The chant of “Barnet, give us a hymn. Barnet Barnet give us a hymn” remains with me. They didn’t. It was probably my favourite 3-0 defeat ever. Barnet’s only win over us I think but more than willing to be wrong.

My final visit was for a random Tuesday night 0-0 (could have been 1-1, I’ve slept since then)in a 2001 friendly. I missed the draw in 2006 on our way to the league title as I was moving home yet again. That was our last visit.

Anyway we arrived at Canons Park, now accompanied by Shaun and Julie and had no trouble finding the ground. We then obviously found the pub. Moranos. This was a narrow, dimly lit (as most are nowadays) pub with plenty of Saddlers fans (big hellos to Claire and Adam) and a few Barnet for balance. We grabbed drinks and headed outside. We were joined by my former SciChem colleague and absolute legend Don Mills, his son Chris and grandson Alfie. We’d bumped into them down the road, and they were walking towards the ground. We talked them into an about turn.

Don and I soon got chatting. He said that he’d read on my blog about me not having a working tv since 2023, and asked if I wanted a spare one in his garage. I readily agreed. He explained that it’s a curved tv. Being a technophobe that meant nothing to me but it sounds really advanced so will stick out like a sore thumb in my house.

We had a few laughs, along with Chris who is an absolute top lad and I’m still grateful to him for putting me in touch with my mortgage adviser/miracle worker. Back in 2017 than only thing in worse shape than my physical form was my credit rating. How she got me a mortgage still astounds me.

We weren’t the last Walsall fans to leave the pub. I’ve changed. At the ground I lost Josh when I was held up at the security checks. I wasn’t trying to smuggle anything moody into the ground, honest.

First person I saw in the ground was Rob Harvey who was on the front row so I joined him. We took the lead within two minutes. I rushed forward hoping to be seen on the tele celebrating but I’ve not had chance to view the footage yet. It was 2 nil soon afterwards and it was looking like we’d run riot. Barnet got a poor goal back and I headed for the loo.

I took a wrong turn on the way (honest) and ended up in the bar. I wasn’t drinking though. I’d seen a Facebook post about how expensive the beer is at the ground. Someone from Dublin had been at their first game and called the £8 for Guinness “extortionate.” If someone who has likely been in The Temple Bar is calling your beer expensive then it needs a look at at. I popped to the food kiosk and there was no queue. Perfect. I glanced at the menu on the counter. Cheeseburger £9. I paid that price for cheeseburger and chips at Wembley so wasn’t feeling paying the same for just the burger. The lad however had come over to serve me so I felt committed. “A cheeseburger please” I said. He checked with his colleague. “They’ll be about 5 minutes” he said. “No problem” I said cheerfully, “I’ll pop back” and I fled.

I joined Josh in the stand and at half time we went to the bar. It’s a great set up to be fair. The bar area is massive. They could hold a Subbuteo tournament in there with all the first round matches taking place at the same time and there would still be room to queue for beer. Upon walking in I got a chant of “Evo Evo Evo” from a couple of folk. Josh thought ‘he’ll love that’ and he was right.

I spoke to Dean and Kerry. When shaking the former’s hand he commented how soft my skin is and invited Kerry to have a feel. Possibly the strangest half time experience in a while. I got talking to Paul and Simon who despite living in Yorkshire, go to all Walsall games. I only did one away game in the league last season so was called a “new ground wanker” and “part timer” which made me laugh. Guilty as charged on both counts.

I caught up with a few folk at half time. John, Kimbo, Ian, Granty, James, Ian, Jayne, Dan, Asps, Tomo,Sean and Panda. Panda asked “have you had a burger?”. “no” I replied “they are £9”. “And they’re shit” he responded. Nice one Panda. I could learn a lot on the art of food reviewing from him. Short and to the point. Apologies to anyone that I’ve missed.

Barnet had a man sent off, I can’t comment as I was still in the bar even though I wasn’t drinking. I made it back up into the stand around the 60th minute. Despite our man advantage Barnet played well and we really had to dig in but held on for the win. I initially thought our second half was shit but now appreciate that we fought and battled for the shirt, and did what we had to. Bit more of that in the second half of last season and this fixture wouldn’t have happened. I thought referee Abigail Byrne had a really good game. I was chuffed at full time as it’s always nice to see an away win. Especially when the home fans have a drum.

We were soon back at Wembley Park. My previous visits have been football related but this time the football was all concert goers, mostly female dressed in an array of styles and varying levels of skimpiness. I risked a smile at a lass and she reciprocated. Then headed up the stairs with her boyfriend. I certainly didn’t smile at anyone at Wemley Park after the match in May.

Josh’s son George who is 6, thought out train was two minutes away but it wasn’t for us. Josh gave him a quick lesson in how the Metropolitan Line has different branches. Go on Josh, get the London Underground buzz in him early. Said train, heading to Watford pulled in. “Train comes and I know it’s destination.” At last, a Sugababes lyric that Siobhan can get on board with. A train to Uxbridge followed and on we hopped on. Josh dropped me back at my hotel and headed home.

The people in room 53 still weren’t up for being disturbed so I quietly entered my room. In the bathroom I applied some of the complimentary hand cream. Now I know how smooth my skin is, I want to keep it that way. I ventured out into Eastcote. There are loads of food places but I was fancying curry so headed into Mumbai Zing. This was busy at 8.30 and I felt guilty at occupying a table for four. I went into sod it I’m on holiday mode and ordered a starter as well as main. Chicken Lollypops which I’ve never heard of. Food was excellent. Only a couple of little quibbles, the starter being slightly dearer on the bill than on the menu and the Roman Numeral clock displaying 4 as IIII instead of IV, a minor pet peeve of mine. I was more bothered by the clock to be honest and I’d exchanged smiles a couple of times with one of the female staff, so let both slide.

I headed into Three Wishes and it was decked out exactly the same as the one in Pinner the night before, albeit it with the 70’s style lampshades at the other end. I wondered if this was a local chain as my mate Asps had checked into a place with the same name in Edgware before kick off. I only had one in here and headed back. Still no movement from number 53. I was starting to wonder if they were dead.

On the Sunday as I was leaving my room I noticed that the people in number 53 had changed their sign to “please make the room up.” I don’t know if I was excited, relieved or just plain jealous that they’d not been disturbed all weekend. Either way in my excitement I left the door card in the slot and gave a grovelling apology to the man on on Reception as I checked out.

I had planned to have breakfast in the hotel, but the day before I spotted a cafe when Josh was looking for a space, the other side of the station so i would have missed it if it wasn’t for Josh. Picnic Cafe was busy for a Sunday morning. I got a table right by the door and the man was over to take my order before I’d even sat down. I had a marvellous breakfast and 3 quid cheaper than would have been at the hotel. Again they were very trusting and brought food out without payment first. In Walsall it’s strictly “no bunce, no bacon.”. I had a street view with a welcome breeze and could watch the world go by.

I had wanted to visit Bucket List Coffee but basically I fucked up and opted to head straight back to Euston “just to make sure I got there ok.” I’m too cautious for my own good at times and was there 90 minutes before my train. I sat outside in the glorious Sun for an hour.

On the train I was sat by a very attractive lady who was already in her aisle seat. I asked if she’d like the window seat but she declined saying “I prefer the aisle seat”. I wondered to myself if it was just so she could get away from me quicker at New Street. Yep, she was off with her luggage whilst the train was still moving. The last carriage was possibly still leaving Birmingham International.

I exchanged smiles with a lass across the aisle. Turned out it was a lady I’d done a panto with in 2016 but I didn’t recognise her. She did me though. Off the train, New Street was doing it’s usual escalator not working hilarity. She struggled to lift her case up the escalator so I offered. I think she was smuggling house bricks. In hindsight I should have slung my bag over my shoulder and double handed her case. People behind me were tutting. One bloke shouted “I’m going to miss my connection, you fat prick.” He didn’t really. I made that bit up to keep you interested.

Train back to Walsall was on time and I was soon home with the kettle and radio on. Standard for me upon entering the house. Superb weekend. Cheers all.

I decided to make a weekend of Barnet (a). I booked a hotel in Eastcote for the weekend at £100 a night, not including breakfast but then I remembered two big factors. London and August. I also decided to treat myself to a first class train for the journey there. Bit swanky for a working class lad but I thought ‘sod it.’ I recently went 4 weekends without drinking booze so I thought the money I saved could go towards some nice things. Although to be fair, the money that old me would spend on booze in just 1 weekend would have covered that ticket.

This came with 2 hours in the first class lounge at Birmingham New Street and an hour upon arrival in Euston. I immediately wondered if there might be celebrities in the lounge at Euston. The first one that came to mind? Kelly Clarkson. Not sure why she would be at said terminus at rush hour on a Friday. Unless it was for song inspiration. But I don’t think My Life Would Suck Without Euston would have been such a worldwide smash hit.

I got to New Street about 2 hours and 10 before my train. I decided to loiter on the concourse by the mossiv destination boards. I didn’t want to get to the lounge bang on for the start of my 2 hour slot. Well, actually I did but you know what I mean. Let a few minutes slide first to make it look good.

I heard from alongside me “fuck sake! Really?” A man was looking up at the boards. I could see cancellations of a train to Manchester and also Walsall. Not sure which had irked him. I love Manchester but could totally understand if his arrival in Walsall was what had been delayed.

Whilst standing there a man approached. “Are you a Walsall fan?” he asked. I get this a lot and it’s my favourite question so I said “yes.” “Do you write food reviews?” I confirmed this and he said “Oh I thought I recognised you. I love reading them.” I thanked him, shook his hand and wished him a good weekend. Proper made me smile that interaction.

It was soon time for me to say “fuck sake! Really?” The first class lounge was closing at 2pm. I’d already shaved 15 minutes off my allowance by playing it cool and now I was losing 40 minutes off the other end. The lady was apologetic saying there was no staff to cover the afternoon shift. I accepted the apology. Not her fault, and if she’s done for the weekend then she’s entitled to go home. If my train had been at 4pm though I’d have had the place up.

I made use of the complimentary snack and drinks until chucking out time and spent while reading a book on the concourse. On board the staff were keen to get down to business. I’d got a coffee before leaving New Street and a free ham and egg roll before we reached Birmingham International.

At Euston I had to hunt for the lounge. Turns out it’s upstairs. Last place I looked. Didn’t know there is an upstairs. I had more complimentary snacks and drinks. This was purely an exercise in clawing back some value from the £4.50 egg mayo sandwich that I bought at this station after the play off defeat in May. I didn’t spot any celebrities. Good job really as I was walking round with my now trademark loose shoelace, flapping about. A bloke that looked like Lewis Capaldi was as close as I got to a celeb.

The Metropolitan Line was not messing around and I was soon in Eastcote, although I could have done without the stop at Wembley Park. I wasn’t ready to see that so soon after the play off defeat.

It was a glorious day as I left the station. Passing Aldi, a lady exited and put her umbrella up. I glanced at the sky. Barely a cloud. Perhaps she saw me and thought ‘it’s raining men, hallelujah. Actually I might shield myself from that one.’

I was in room 54 at he hotel and the people in room 53 had the “do not disturb sign” on the door. They must have been having a good time if they still didn’t want disturbing at 6pm. Fair play to them. My lack of grasp of technology continues. In the shower I had to fiddle with a knob to get it to work. But then, what I had been waiting a couple of months for. Pinner Time.

Pinner, in North West London is the home of Chris Stark. Scott Mills’s last co-host on Radio 1. Chris used to be a part of The Who Game on Scott’s show. On this, people would say a thing or person that you don’t do or hear of anymore like going to a video shop or using a payphone then give it a big “whooooooo.” It’s much funnier than I’ve made it sound.

First mission upon reaching Pinner was to find a taxi rank or base. As much as I love the Underground “I don’t want to go down in a tube station at midnight” and all that. I’d done no research prior to arrival on pubs and stuff which is unlike me. This time I wanted to explore like a modern day Erik The Red. I saw a cafe called The Pinner Table which I liked the name of but sadly closed. I found a proper old school red phonebox, which is now doubling up as a book swap hub. The phone is still in there though. If I’d had some change I’d have made a call just in case Chris Stark was passing and wanted to give me a “whoooooo.”

I couldn’t find taxi facilities. I had my mate Rollo’s voice in my head saying “get Uber on your phone.” Yeah yeah Rollo, one day. I was giving up, walked just a bit more, decided to have one last look down a side street, and found a pub. Oddfellows Arms. Go on then, while I’m here.

The man I assumed to be the landlord was wearing a shirt and tie. Can’t remember the last time I saw this. The sign on the door advised “over 21’s.” I must be starting to look over 21 nowadays as they didn’t ask for i.d. I sat by the open door with a nice breeze blowing through. It was still really hot. Not hot enough for a lady that I’d followed out the tube station in Eastcote who had a big coat on.

There was a nice yard out the back with covered seating and more of a breeze. This was a nice start but there was more wandering to do. Next up was Three Wishes. I had 3 wishes. 1) Find a taxi rank, 2) get Uber on my phone. I’ll save the third for when I’m back in my hotel.

This was a great venue. It had 1970’s style lampshade at one end of the bar with modern lighting through the rest of the place. Loads of retro advertising signs, some of which would look good alongside the ones in my kitchen. There was also lots of football ground signs. I couldn’t see Vicarage Road though, home of Watford who must be the closest club. Mind I couldn’t see Bescot Stadium, home of my beloved Walsall FC either. That one must be still on the way from the manufacturer in China.

The barmaid was really friendly so after a bit of fresh air out the front (standing room only inside) I went back up the bar and asked her about taxis. She gave me a local number. I’m starting to get good at this asking people stuff lark.

I went to Queen’s Head next. I made a canine friend as soon as I walked in and gave him a fuss. In here there was a freezer full of ice cream in front of the bar, genius and another book swap. They clearly don’t like holding on to books round here. I tried to find the toilet and ended up outside in an area called Mix And Mingle. Too quote Kryten from Red Dwarf “there were just two small drawbacks” in my case here 1) I don’t mix. 2) I don’t mingle. Academic anyway as I was quickly moved on from the table I had plonked myself down on by a couple claiming it was theirs. No probs, I headed back inside.

A couple were now delved deep into the freezer of ice cream. I don’t really dabble with the 7 Deadly Sins nowadays but I must confess to a bit of Envy at this juncture. Yes I could have bought my own but you know, my budget was only for alcohol. Not dairy products.

Across the road is Hand In Hand. There was only 3 draft lagers in here and I hadn’t heard of any of them. The barman started to go through the bottles but I just grabbed a Diet Coke and sat outside the front.

On my earlier mooch I’d found a cheese and wine bar called Mouse & Grape. This had to be done. I had the Monty Python Cheese Shop sketch going through the my head as I entered. The counter was full of cheese though unlike that shop. I considered asking for Norwegian Jarlsberg but I’m boring and went for Cheddar. You know I said earlier that I didn’t have budget for dairy products? Yeah, bollocks to that. I wanted both of these words colliding. I’m no wine expert but like a Rose. She asked what size and gave options. I was never going to go for the smaller glass.

First song that came on when I sat down was Hotel California. I smirked at the line “So I called up The Captain. “Please bring me my wine”. He said “we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969″”

The cheese went first, then I started on the wine. Over the past few years I have started to acquire the reputation of being a ponce amongst my friends. Thank God none of them will ever know about this. Next song was “You Can Go Your Own Way” and I started to think this was a good idea. The plan had been to go to a pub called The Case Is Altered the other side of my hotel but I was now thinking bed. After eating cheese. Not a great plan.

I’d seen stairs on the way in and wondered if there was a loo up there. Turns out it was in the room but behind a door with all the snacks assembled on. Great marketing. Need a pee? Check out our range of nibbles en route.

I finished my wine, ordered my taxi and thanked the two lovely ladies who were behind the counter. I gave the driver my standard £1 tip totally forgetting that I was in London. Feel free to write in the comments what you can buy in London for a quid. I’ll wait.

Back at the hotel, the people in room 53 still didn’t want to be disturbed. I turned the tv on but it was of the smart variety. Not the sort I’ve used. I tried to find the channel guide but couldn’t. I went on YouTube. I knew from going to Josh’s house that YouTube on his tv has a little keyboard thing so I found the Roxette “Look Sharp” album and stuck that on, turning it down a bit so as not to disturb the folk in no 53.

A short while later, in bed I stretched and my elbow hit the remote control. No idea how I did it but it brought up the tv guide. Actually, I missed a bit of vital information there. It brought up the tv guide which was set to Babestation. It was reassuring to know that the previous occupant of my room had enjoyed his stay.

Fab night. I really liked Pinner. Sod it, I wanna relive it. *Goes to grab cheese and wine from fridge and yell “Alexa. Play Hotel California.”*