Evo Boozy Scribbler

Back in February I met my mate Chris for a drink. A couple of days earlier I’d seen that Sophie B. Hawkins who sang one of my favourite songs “Right Beside You” in 1994, was performing at a pub in Kings Heath, Birmingham in a few months. I was no doubt running round like a madman at the time so didn’t give it another thought. Chris had seen it too and asked if I wanted to go. I couldn’t say “yes” any quicker. He purchased the tickets and refused my attempt to pay for mine. Top man.

We discussed her, and he only knew the 3 big singles. My aforementioned favourite, “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” and “As I Lay Me Down.” Fast forward a couple of months, and he said he didn’t fancy going all that way for just 3 songs. He had got Pulp two days later so I totally understood.

So I had a spare ticket. I knew straight away who I was asking. Another Chris. Other Chris’s are available. This Chris has been on Popmaster twice, and the only other gig he has been with me to he was also a stand in on a spare ticket, that one for Belinda Carlisle a couple of years ago.

When I next saw him I asked “how are you with Sophie B. Hawkins?” He responded in song with 4 words. “Always, right beside you.” He was hired immediately.

In the build up we made basic travel plans. The 50 bus to Kings Heath was necessary. The contentious issue was getting to Birmingham. I wanted train. Chris liked the thought of the bus claiming that a picture of me, a 51 year old in front of the 51 bus would be good. Despite hating having my picture taken, I never turn down a photo opportunity but I wasn’t feeling this one. He suggested the bus numerous times but we eventually agreed on the train.

On the day I decided to go smart casual. It’s usually t-shirts when I go to gigs but thought I’d make a bit more of an effort this time, opting for one of my favourite white shirts. I’ve been to plenty of gigs where beer has been thrown around but I didn’t think that would be the case on this occasion. I wasn’t getting moshing to Metallica at Download vibes from my fellow gig goers this time.

Shirt ironing song of choice was Crystal by New Order. Great song and fun fact, the video is where Brandon Flowers got the inspiration for his band name. Maybe I should have played some Sophie but that completely slipped my mind. (Playing “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” as I type this though.)

Chris wanted an early start which I wasn’t feeling having travelled back from Glossop already that day but we arranged a rough 4.30 meet up. Chris was at the railway station first. He presented me with a Strawberry Cornetto. I thanked him but threw in “this is random even for you Chris.” He explained how he’d got to town, fancied an ice cream but saw the queue at the van for it. Checked the prices and decided it would be quicker and cheaper to go to Heron and buy a box. He’d also given one to the lovely lady in the ticket office. A Cornetto that is.

We were at New Street at 5.15. About 3 hours after I’d arrived there earlier. It was all too soon but needs must. Chris had a pub in Snow Hill in mind. He announced we were getting the Metro there. I queried this but he wanted full use out of his £8.80 day saver, and I can certainly get on board this that sentiment.

There was a tram already outside New Street so we jumped on board. I scanned for space, I couldn’t see any but will admit to being distracted by a nice looking lass who was fanning herself. I took a step back and felt something. I’d backed into a lady that I hadn’t noticed in the slightest. I was horrified. I apologised immediately. “I’m so sorry.” She ignored this so I repeated it in a louder voice swapping the so for really. I got a begrudging smile.

I was thankful when the tram pulled into the next stop and people got off so I dived onto the seat next to the lady with the fan but was totally relieved when we got to Snow Hill so we could alight to give it a posh word.

We were heading to The Royal. Chris asked if I’d been here before. I said it didn’t ring any bells but if I had it would have been in 2011 when Woza and I did Snow Hill on Pub 365 Challenge volume 1. (I checked my notes and yes, we did it on 15/01/11 when it was called Old Royal and my notes were “shit music eventually turned round by the band Courteeners)

Chris had done a job here recently hence how he knew the place and the barmaid Joanne remembered him so he got a rapport with her going. He paid for the food and my pint of Inch’s. I’m trying to cut down on my eating so just went for a starter of crispy coated king prawns with a side of chips. He tried to make me have something more substantial but I turned this down. I’ve really changed.

Food came quickly and was really good but I did give his steak a couple of surreptitiously envious glances. They’d told us upon arrival that the place was closing at 6.30 for a private function, a corporate jobbie by their bosses but we had time for another round. Again Chris obliged with the cost. Joanne provided table service with him commenting that it felt a bit Covid time bar restriction like.

Chris was having a good flirt with Joanne. I’d reverted to my default setting of sitting there quietly. He was promising to give her and the place a good review online which she was really happy with and she walked off smiling. She returned a couple of minutes later and declared to Chris “I’ve got something for you.” This grabbed both of our attentions. “Oh yes?” She handed him a card with a QR code on for him to scan to leave the review. He sighed and said “that’s about as close as I’m getting to her number.”

This second pint was also going down well but afforded more chat as there was no food to distract us. Popmaster cropped up. As per usual he gave me that days name 3 in 10 (seconds) and this time it was Backstreet Boys. I sat back and awaited for the plaudits. I said “Everybody” – standard as it’s my no 1 karaoke anthem, and then my mind went blank. I could see Blink 182 parodying the “I Want It That Way” video but nothing else would come. Think that’s the first time I’ve failed this, well with Chris anyway. Craig may have other ideas.

We departed. We were probably the last people to leave the now closed pub. It felt like one of those early closing times during Covid. Bizarre. Chris wanted more day saver use so we got the train from Snow Hill to Moor Street and the 50 was in.

First stop off the 50 was The Pub At Kings Heath. Now 5 years old apparently but still feels new. Chris commented that it used to be a JJB Sports. “Got more chance of getting me in nowadays.” I replied. Music was good with Kings Of Leon and The Killers being represented. Staff and locals were friendly and Walsall FC anthem “One Step Beyond” coming on just as we were finishing our drinks was ace.

It was Hare & Hounds time. I’ve only been here once, a few years ago. Maybe just before Covid? Not sure though. I don’t keep diaries. I aint Adrian Mole. That visit was just a wacky one pinter. This visit was shaping up to be different. There was lots of seating, both outside and on the road opposite and lots of it was being used in the late Spring Sun.

No Carling inside, just a lager named after the pub. Chris bought crisps – standard for him, but from a company I didn’t know. He then couldn’t open the pack and asked me to. Never been asked this before. I glanced around in case any hotties were watching. I didn’t mind Chris struggling, but I didn’t want any witnesses if I also failed. I opened them piece of piss, which was a relief. Strange thing to be chuffed about though. Managing to open crisps.

Chris asked me what the B in Sophie B. Hawkins stands for. “Ballantine” I said straight away. “I did not know that” he replied. That is so coming up next time he is on Popmaster. I then followed up with “mate, if I go for a piss and she asks that, and you’re the only one who gets it right and you get called up on stage for a snog, I’ll be hashtag fummin.” Yes, I actually said “hashtag.”

We headed upstairs, and found a great spot, right by the toilets, handy for me but also with a cracking view. And then, as has happened at so many gigs, someone taller stood right in front of me, this time a minute before she was due out. “Fuck sake George.” I muttered to myself. Then, and this is so out of character for me that I actually surprised myself, but I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to move (politely too). He did and stood next to Chris, and stayed there all night. Always, right beside you Chris. He held his phone aloft filming all through the gig so I’m glad he moved.

Sophie came out, she ran from the passageway to the gents which puzzled me, but straight past me and Chris. Upon stage she burst straight into “Right Beside You.” Amazing. This was what I’d come for. So glad I didn’t miss kick off. It was a great performance and I loved it. Box ticked. There could be a power cut now and I’d still go home happy. After the song she explained about how the video was banned in Germany due to the scenes where she is on the horse. She used a word that I didn’t know or remember that was what the ban was called. So if anyone in Germany is reading (hi Ralph) here you go.

At the start of the 3rd song she said “this is a new track, let’s see if it’s got legs.” Turned out instead to be “As I Lay Me Down”, one of her biggies. During this one she took to thrusting the mic to audience members for them to join in. The bloke in front of me was one of them. Probably for the best that it wasn’t me. I’d have given it portions but people watching the live dvd might have been shocked at my ropey accent suddenly blasting out. As the song ended, a bloke behind me shouted “the best song ever.”

There was stories in between songs, mostly about the music but other bits. Like how she loves the UK but asked why the toilets are always so far from the dressing rooms. Someone shouted “wait till you go to Wetherspoons.” Sohpie’s co-musician Belinda commented “yeah but Wetherspoons is cheap.”

The last song of the regular set was “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” – her biggest hit. She said as soon as she wrote it she knew it was going to be big but that her friends didn’t like it. Commenting “my friends are dumb.”

She was on just over an hour I reckon, I made it through without a toilet break – I wasn’t risking missing that quiz question, but darted straight there at the end. Only a 3 man trough and a cubicle so there was a bit of a wait and I had to do a quick rendition of my I need a piss dance. I made it back out and Chris was outside the door. “You’ve just missed her.” he said “she was just here. This lad was talking to her and I was thinking come on Evo come on Evo, and I’ve just shook her hand. You missed her by 10 seconds.” Fuck sake. I’d have been washing my hands so at least those 10 seconds were spent productively. I could have been failing to name 3 Backstreet Boys songs instead. Anyway, here’s some pics that I took during the gig.

She’d gone back into the main room and was doing a meet and greet and signing things. We had a quick COBRA meeting. There was a bus due. and knowing how unreliable they are I didn’t want to risk the next one not turning up so I suggested we depart. “You sure?” Chris asked. “Mate, I’ve seen her sing Right Beside You and she was so close I could have touched her. I’m happy.”

We deduced that getting the bus now would afford us a very quick drink back in Brum but then getting us the penultimate train home, giving time for one in Wetherspoons back in Walsall. Absolute plan.

The bus was slightly late but it wasn’t long before we were back at Moor Street. “We could still get the 51” Chris said. “Chris, you’re obsessed with the 51.” He explained that the 51 would get me close to my house whilst the train would be a good walk. This fell on deaf ears. I was far too excited for technicalities, plus I liked the thought of getting a signed ball from some Network Rail staff to mark my 3rd arrival at New Street that day..

We had a quick half in the newish Wetherspoons then headed for the train. Back in Walsall, just to keep Chris happy I said I’d get the 51 home after Wetherspoons. He commented that it was in 47 minutes or the nest one was at 4.26am. I said if I missed the one in 47 minutes I’d just wait for the next one. Those 4 hours would fly by and would probably be quicker given how long it takes me to walk up Church Hill nowadays.

On the little walk, Chris brought up the issue of Sophie’s sexuality. I said “she certainly likes the ladies but on Wikipedia it says she classes herself as omnisexual.” “What does that mean?” I had no idea and maybe should have researched it. “Perhaps she only likes doing it during the Eastenders omnibus.” It was the best I could come up with at such short notice.

In Wetherspoons Chris bought two packs of crisps. He opened these ok this time but then had about 3 of them. He went to get his bus and I walked up to Wishbone. By the time my pizza was ready the 51 had gone (sorry Chris) so I took a slow walk whilst munching. I was off work the next day so was in no hurry.

Brilliant night this. Cheers to Chris for the tickets and Chris for the company, food and drinks. As I lay me down that night I had a massive smile on my face. I’d always wanted to see Sophie B. Hawkins in concert, so it had that effect. Could have been the pizza though. Probably both to be fair.

As a side note as I listened to “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover” I saw one of the comments on YouTube and it was from a lass who fancied a bloke, so she bought a blank cassette, taped the song and sent it to him with no note. He asked if she’d sent it and hoped it was her. They’ve been together for 30 years now. I’ve just bought 100 blank cassettes and a shitload of jiffy bags off Ebay..

Back in the days of Pub 365 Challenge volume 3 (trying to have a beer in 365 pubs in 365 days, but not any of the ones ticked off in the first two volumes) I got bored early on. To try and get me interested again I started to throw in side challenges like trying to tick off every county in England (failed this part), making a snooker 147 break using pubs with the respective colours in their names (read about that one here) and also to visit 12 former Football League towns.

As part of that latter challenge, on St George’s Day in 2018 myself and a now ex friend went to visit Northwich, Stockport (now back in the league and in the division above my beloved Walsall FC), Stalybridge and Glossop. I’d planned this meticulously but unfortunately said former friend was determined to throw spanners in the works all day long and he was completely twatted by the time we reached Glossop. He pissed everyone off in the two pubs we went in. So I’ve always wanted to go back and see if either of us were banned from the town. So last Sunday I packed my bag and off I went.

The journey up was pleasant. Both escalators I needed to use at Birmingham New Street were working which is rare and I only had to cuss under my breath at one person. The train to Manchester was full of people heading to Soccer Aid so it was a good atmosphere. I had half an hour to kill at Manchester Piccadilly so just found a seat and relaxed. I had no ideal how therapeutic it is watching people running for trains. I was soon on the chuff chuff to Glossop. The Northern train was certainly a lot more modern than the last one which I used on the way to Workington in 2018. I thought that day we might have to put our feet through the floor like The Flintstones car.

There was some nice station names on the way like Guide Bridge, Broadbottom, Dinting, Flowery Field (I immediately thought of Flowery Twats like on Fawlty Towers) and also one called Godley. The next one should have been called Creme in my opinion. Especially as their song “Under Your Thumb” (a fave of mine since childhood), was set on a train. Some of the views were stunning and soon the Dark Peak the area where Glossop is based, came into view.

I’d booked the Travelodge, which was in the same converted mill building as the Wethspoons. Location location location. The receptionist was very friendly. There was a tray on the desk of the usual hot drink related sachets so I thought you had to take your own up so I did. Upon getting to my room, there was already some provided .I quickly realised the ones on the desk are for top ups. No wonder the security guard gave me a funny look when I helped myself. The lights worked without any of that putting your room card in a slot bollocks, so that was good.

I’d brought my own poncey Metabolism boosting tea bags, the first time I’ve taken my own supplies on a trip. I had one of those, along with a pod coffee and found Radio 2 on the television then just lounged around for a bit. It was nice to have some me time and the tunes were good. I’d been messaging Craig and had mentioned I was out soon but that Pick Of The Pops was playing songs from 1997. He replied saying go after “You’re Not Alone” by Olive. It won’t get any better than that. It came on as soon as I read the message and I departed shortly afterwards.

It was to be a low key mission on the first night, with just the two pubs we’d visited in 2018 and then the curry house by the hotel. First up was The Starr Inn, right outside the station. This was busy for a Sunday evening and the pint of Titanic Iceberg was in good nick.

Next up was The Globe. There was a quiz machine, now extinct in Walsall. It wasn’t working properly. Despite the large error message obscuring some of the answers for the first couple of rounds, and me getting an incorrect answer about the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I made the final and went for landlocked countries. My best answer was Botswana scoring just one.

There was a Star Wars pinball machine so I had a couple of goes on that. I was disappointed though that there was no Chewbacca sound effects. I pondered hanging around and offering to do my impression of him for other players for just a small fee. I opted instead to sit at the bar, which I never do in unfamiliar pubs.

Earlier on LBC (about 3.45am) I’d heard an interview with author Ben Aitken who visited the UK’s least touristy cities and reviewed them in his book Shitty Breaks – which I’ve now ordered (title not meant to be disparaging, just a play on words. He lauds visiting the places). He’d said when in unfamiliar places, don’t use Google, ask locals for advice, get in amongst it as this is how you get stories, proper local goodness and learn things for travel writing. I never do this.

I imagined an invisible line close around my whole body, called this my comfort zone and then gingerly stepped out of it. I asked a couple for the best pub in Glossop. Unfortunately the couple were from Hinckley and Sheffield. We had a brief chat as I’ve been to both places, but they couldn’t help with my query as it was their first time here. Music was good in The Globe with “Fluorescent Adolescent” by Arctic Monkeys being the highlight.

I moved on. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so it was curry time. I stopped to take a picture and asked a couple departing “any good?” they said it was amazing. I had high hopes. I asked for a chicken balti with no onions and tomatoes. I even had a tandoori chicken starter. I’m on holiday technically, sod it. Food was ace. The bill came to £28, which was good as I still had £30 sloshing around leftover from the Birmingham dining night.

To round the night off I popped to The Brook Tavern next door. One or two locals in putting the world to right and the £3.15 pint of Coors went down a storm with me. I did momentarily forget that I was in public and burst into a rendition of “Azizam” by Ed Sheeran as I walked in. Nobody batted an eyelid.

Day two started with breakfast. I’d seen this advertised outside The Norfolk Arms the day before and as I’d not had a full English since my birthday weekend in the middle of May, I was well up for this. The barmaid was friendly and soon having some banter with the locals. Breakfast came quickly and was really good. It soon got demolished. It cost £10.25 which was reasonable.

I visited the football ground next. Apologies to any residents of Surrey Street as they played “Nellie The Elephant” by Toy Dolls on Radio 2 and I joined in loudly. Glossop North End moved to Surrey Street in 1955. Suddenly I see why Marty McFly was so keen to go back to that year. The ground is about 15 minute walk from the town. It was hard to see inside the ground but I did have a peer through a gap in the gate. I tried to take a picture through this gap but it wasn’t happening. According to Wikipedia, Glossop is the smallest town to have a top tier football club having been in Division One (as it was back then) for a season in 1889-1900. Something my Walsal have not managed.

I had a mooch round the back and found a retail park with McDonalds, and a stunning back drop amongst other retailers. Walking back round the front I saw a couple of old ladies. One trying to look through the same gap that I had. I tried to strike up a conversation but they both looked scared so I pressed on.

I took a long walk down High Street West then headed back. After a relaxing few hours it was food time again. Wetherspoons calling. The Smithy Fold. As I mentioned earlier it is part of the same building as my hotel so much so that the same poles are in there. I wondered if the one in my room came down into here. I was already thinking of sliding down like a fireman for breakfast in the morning. I perused the menu but nothing really grabbed me so I went for the 3 chicken based starters for £7.49. I wasn’t having a mad night on the beer so didn’t need to fully line the stomach and I wanted to save some room for a pizza burger on the night.

I went up to order. The 3 starters and a latte came to £16. Normally I let things slide but I had to query this. “Oh you want the starters?” I confirmed this. “Do yo want sauce?” “Yeah I’ll have bbq please” and it came to 12 pound something. Again this didn’t sound right but I couldn’t query it twice so I grabbed my hot drink and went back to the table. Naturally for me I grabbed the menu straight away. Starters £7.49, latte £1.71 and bbq sauce 99p. I’m no mathematician but I couldn’t work out how this came to over £12. I deduced that he me must has misunderstood my accent and put something else in. I sat and wondered what was coming.

Whilst waiting I found a booklet for Wetherspoons hotels. I have never stayed in one of these and it is definitely on my to do list. I’m pondering a November Aldershot mission so I was chuffed to see that there is one in that town.

Food came quickly and there were 3 pots of bbq sauce, one with each starter. I thought that’s a bit excessive George. (To new blog readers, anybody I don’t know they automatically become George). It dawned on me I’d been charged for all 3 lots of sauce. One would have done but I made sure that I used most of it up and I stayed for 2 extra free latte refills to make up for it. I look forward to the year 2038 when radio adverts are full of “where you mis-sold bbq sauce in Wetherspoons?” I’ll claim for millions.

On my long walk earlier I’d found a pub called The Grapes. Same name as the pub in one of my favourite tv shows Early Doors. I Googled it and planned to get to it for opening time, like Tommy did in every episode. I got there early, so had to wait outside. It was on the main road out of town and lots of cars were about. There must have been loads of people pointing and tutting and muttering “look at him, waiting for the pub to open.” Oh well, I care not. It opened 2 minutes late. Tommy would have been moaning like he had to in one episode.

I stayed to watch The Chase which I’ve not seen for decades, with my best answer being to the question “which soap started with the line, all you’ve got to do now is get the sign writer in?” I shouted the answer (Corrie) before the options came up. Nobody was impressed. I supped up and said goodbyes but stopped on the way out to have a mooch in a little side part. One of the regulars came up and asked “are you alright?” I said that I was just being nosey but it must have looked like I was casing the joint.

Next up was The Friendship Inn. A pub I found near the football ground and it’s the closest so this is noted for if we play them in The F.A Cup. This pub grabbed me straight away. Barmaid was friendly and welcoming and the music excellent. As per normal I sat away from the crowd but as I finished my drink I opted to stay for a second and this time I sat at the bar. Again. Sitting at the bar in unfamiliar pubs 2 days running. I normally wallflower the place out.

Within a minute or so of my second pint being poured everyone had left. “Was it something I said?” I asked the barmaid. “I know yeah.” “I only ordered a pint.” She explained that this was the after work crowed going and that she now normally got an hour to herself before the 8 o’clock crowd came in. She was a decent lass and into her football too. Music continued to be good with Nelly Furtado, my 4th favourite song by The Killers (Mr Brightside) and my second favourite from September “Cry For You” all getting a whirl.

Next up was The Corner Cupboard. This was welcoming also with the barmaid and the trial price £3.50 Thwaites “Three Graces” both ticking that box. It was good in here als with Now 80’s on the television. Best song in here being Sotf Cell’s “Say Hello, Wave Goodbye.” The lyric “you’re used to wearing less and now your life’s a mess” always makes me smile. I did however mange to plonk myself at the one table that was earmarked for a Domino’s match but a man who I took to be the landlord, also a top bloke was apologetic upon asking if he could place the board down.

I hadn’t had much to drink by my standards but I was going to have one more as the Receptionist in the hotel had recommended a place the night before. The Oakwood. I hadn’t budgeted for that second pint in the The Friendship and was now out of cash. I hate paying by card but grovelingly asked, “can I pay by card please?” She smiled and replied “we only take card.” One of those all to rare everybody’s happy moments. Another decent pint but I was getting peckish.

The plan had been to have a pizza burger but when I got in there I saw it was £6.80 just for one topping so I opted for something cheaper elsewhere. I tried somewhere else and nothing grabbed me so walked back to the hotel but en route I saw two ladies outside a shop. Turned out it was a Chinese takeaway. I’d walked by it several times but didn’t realise what it was. The ladies confirmed they were locals and it was their place of choice so I thanked them and dived in. The lad behind the counter was decent. He asked if I was working at the casino. I said no and that I was on a little break and staying at the hotel. He asked where I was from so said “Walsall” in my proudest voice as I always do. We shook hands and he chucked a free bag of prawn crackers in. There was already 2 free fortune cookies in there. Top man.

I got back to my room and there was a slight commotion. A couple were struggling to get into the room next door. “Are you ok?” I asked. Stupid question. I knew the situation. “We can’t get into our room” the lady confirmed. I wished them all the best. It was a good job that I could get into my room ok as I was about to toilet myself.

The following morning I had a few hours before the train so after a good lie in I went for breakfast. Then plan had been to slide down into Wetherspoons (not via the pole) but I scrubbed that after saucegate the day before so I went to another local place, The Bread Shop. I grabbed a sizeable breakfast barm (as it’s called round there) and I also took a almond slice and Bakewell Tart for souvenirs to take home. I had to have a Bakewell Tart from Derbyshire didn’t I?

There was a nice lady having a smoke outside the hotel, we exchanged pleasantries and I headed inside. As the lift doors started to close she appeared. I tried to find the open doors button but she just stuck her arm in and they sprung back open. “Risky that” I said, “I’ve seen films where things like that go wrong.” She laughed and said “Final Destination?” “That lift scene in the new one.” I confirmed. She laughed and nodded.

The breakfast was ace. I had to pop to Reception and was joined in the lift back up by a couple and we struck up conversation. Turned out they were in the room next door. It wasn’t the same couple that was trying to get in there 12 hours earlier.

My train out was was cancelled do a a fault on the unit. Maybe they should have got The Flintstones style train out again. I didn’t mind. I had time to stand in the Sun and reflect on a great weekend. The biggest compliment I can give Glossop is that I wish I had an extra night or two. There were more places to tick off but I felt totally at home and the fact that I started numerous conversations, my confidence must be rising, shows just how friendly the place is.

I’ll be back one day Glossop.Save me a pizza burger.

Recently I started getting adverts on one of my social media feeds. It started “are you stuck in a rut?” No, I’m not but thanks for asking. It continued “do you want to make some amazing new friends?” Not really, I already have hundreds. But I read the blurb and it offered the chance to have dinner with 5 strangers, after taking a personality quiz to match you up with like minded people.

I ignored the ad and scrolled on. But this company kept popping up on my feed. Dunno how they found me but they must have thought that I’m sad and got no life. God knows what gave them that idea.

I’m quite shy (but have come on leaps and bounds in that respect of late), not good at meeting people (unless a fellow Walsall FC fan) and I’ll admit I can be a bit aloof. I think I’m an extroverted introvert if that makes any sense. I’m equally happy with a big group of mates or sat at home alone. But as this ad kept appearing, I started to consider it. It might be a laugh and I could get a blog out of it, especially as I don’t have much else to write about at the moment. Sometimes you just need to do something different, and I’ve never done anything like this. Would feel a bit like Come Dine With Me, and if I’m being totally honest I’d love to watch the evening back with the usual commentator on the show giving his epic style of narration.

There was a membership subscription available but I opted to pay £10 for a one off night. The personality quiz was a bit vague. The hobbies section listed sport. What? Partaking or watching? I don’t watch much sport. I go to Walsall games and spend most of them in the bar talking. The last time I kicked a football was in 1994. I went to watch The Fullbrook team and at half time 3 of us spectators decided to have a penalty shoot out. A lass was watching that I was very keen on, so I was eager to impress her. I took a run up, well a waddle up would be more accurate. Kicked the ball as hard as I could, and it didn’t even reach the goal. Keeper had to walk forward to pick it up. Myself and the lady didn’t get together.

So I listed my hobbies as travelling (my 2025 jaunts have been Liverpool for a stag do, Crewe (a) and Wembley. It’s still early days but Michael Palin I certainly am not. I also ticked watching tv and movies even though my television has been broken for 2 years and only watch films when Josh lays one on me at his house or I make sporadic use of my Light Cinema pass.

One other question was do I prefer cats or dogs. Well that’s easy. Cats. I’m not a dog person although Josh’s dog Mad Max and I have really hit it off and he is pushing a rethink from me on this issue. I picked cats as it was the right answer but also hoped that this would help the algorithm select some ladies for the evening.

So that was it. I was in and told I’d be advised of the venue, a hidden gem in Birmingham the night before. I’d only got a week to wait for the night but I was excited already. My wonderful colleague Carole asked “what if the place only serves cauliflower?” Imagine that. I’d be retching over everyone like those women off Little Britain.

The email came through last Monday and I was off to a Lebanese restaurant Comptoir Libanais in Grand Central, above New Street Station, the following night.. I didn’t really know where it was. But even I couldn’t fuck this up. Hang on, I know me. Of course I could.

I perused the menu. Yes, me in doing research shocker. I fancied a platter with chicken wings and lamb. I mentioned this to my colleague Tom on the day as I was wary because I’m like a caveman when it comes to eating chicken wings. His advice was “if they’re dickheads order the wings.” Duly noted.

We were sent an ice breaker question on the day. I’d been wondering what it would be. I’d ruled out “have you got a decent poo anecdote?” Not the best introduction with people you’ve just met and over a dinner table. But I had mine in my head in case anyone asked when the dinner was done and we’d all be tucking into the wine. The question was “what is your little win of the week?” Me being the usual nob that I am just thought bloody hell, it’s only Tuesday. I had no little wins to offer.

I opted for a taxi home, from out the back of work. The only previous time I’ve tried to get a taxi from that side of the hospital, it didn’t go well. You can relive that farce here. This time though I played smart, I noted the closest house number on my way in on the morning and ordered the taxi from outside there. I was picked up quickly and I managed a last gasp win over the taxi driver in my cat spotting game when I saw a moggy right by my house. The driver probably didn’t realise he was playing said game but that’s really not my problem.

I was soon on the train to Birmingham. I wasn’t nervous in the slightest. I don’t do nerves. I might be pretty rubbish at being a human most of the time but very little fazes me. I knew the restaurant closed at 9.30 and I was expecting post meal drinks with my new friends so I’d got train times from 10.30 in readiness.

I had to be at the restaurant for 7pm. I was at New Street for 6.15. I try not to be late for things apart from Walsall games where I have a very casual approach to kick off times (and I’m delighted that my Niece Amber has taken this approach on board too). So I had 45 minutes to kill. Old me would have been straight in the Wetherspoons and used that window to get 3 pints down but I opted instead to find the restaurant and have a mooch around.

I found the restaurant, piece of piss and loitered around outside before approaching at 6.50. I’d been told on email to quote the company name so I did this and asked for the table for 6 at 7 o’clock. The man looked puzzled so I reiterated. He went off to ask someone and came back. “I’ll get you a table for 6” he said. This should already be sorted I thought. Not a good start but he showed me said table so I sat in the middle of one of the two rows of 3. Basically, although I was here to make friends and get blog material I was also hoping that I might meet a nice lady, so I sat central so any females could see my ring less left hand. Shallow I know. There are probably pot holes in Walsall roads with more depth than me.

It was 6.54. A glance around and there didn’t look like there was anyone else who might be meeting strangers who could have possibly relayed the booking details better than me. I turned down a drink, whilst hoping I wasn’t asked “what time are your friends coming?”

7pm came and I was still on my own. I turned down a drink again, started wondering if the £10 I’d paid was a scam and what would I be drinking in the Post Office Vaults in a short time.

At 7.10 I was joined by Alex. He was surprised that it was just me there. He suggested we give it another 10 minutes to see if anyone else turned up. We got chatting. He’s originally from Bolton (Bo Selecta Vernon Kay going “Bolton Bolton Bolton” went straight into my head when he said this), but he moved down here for work and had trained in from Leamington. He’d been on this kind of night before with a different company throwing in “it was much better than this.”

At 7.20 we were joined by another man. He didn’t introduce himself and I certainly didn’t ask. We had a brief chat and all expressed disappointment at the lack of women, new man added further displeasure that we were not getting a discount on the food. Before ordering the waiter told us that this company had booked two tables with them the previous week and nobody had turned up. At least we had a 50% turnout. Better than some council elections.

I’d been thinking a 3 course meal, with wine but when Alex ordered Coke Zero I joined him with that and just went for a starter of Lebanese chicken wings with Zaatar & garlic flatbread. I didn’t know what Zaatar was and still don’t. I shall not be asking Jeeves. I need to point out here that I didn’t think the two lads were dickheads despite me ordering the wings. They went for main meals. A rice bowl and some sort of wrap thing with meat if I remember correctly.

The food came quickly and I apologised as I must look uncouth while eating wings. I had tried to look a bit more sophisticated by stripping the meat with my fingers but realised that was shit and it was a case of bollocks to that and I started to nibble straight off the bone.

The first set back came with me forgetting about the straw sticking out of my glass and I caught it with my hand. Somehow I became prime Jimmy Walker and caught the glass, resulting in just a little spillage. I apologised and mentioned that I hadn’t spilt a drink in a pub since Blackpool 2022 (sorry Sarah) and that it must be because I’m not used to drinking pop.

Conversation was limited due to eating but we had some good chats and I got some laughs out of Alex. The next wobble came when I tried to stack up the plates. The Spillage Gods, clearly not happy with my previous attempt at wetting the table, came back for more. This time I knocked the glass flat over and it went everywhere. I tried to mop up with serviettes but one of the waiters had to come running over with a blue paper roll. I thought at this juncture that maybe it was for the best that no women had turned up as I was clearly on a mission to make a twat of myself. The guys must have though I was a right spanner. Thank God it was only Coke. I’d have been devastated had it been wine, although the glass would have been far emptier.

Alex was the first to finish eating and announced that he could get a train in 10 minutes or his next one would be in an hour and that he was getting this one. He said “shall we jut split the bill?” I thought I don’t think so then he looked at me and said “oh you haven’t had much, we’ll pay individually,” He can read my mind as well as Josh can. My bill came to £18.90 which was nice. I’d budgeted for £50.

Alex paid and departed. I enjoyed his company and it was good to meet him but I was now thinking that those post 10.30 trains were looking a bit ambitious.

I decided to get the 8.30 train but delayed this to 8.45 as I felt a bit bad about leaving the other bloke. Just before departing I asked his name and it’s Anthony. I couldn’t not know. Knowledge is power. What I didn’t know though was what Alex and Anthony’s little wins were as the ice breaker never came up. Probably for the best as I hadn’t thought of anything. Anyone who has been to a quiz with me will know I’m shit at answering questions.

I was back in Walsall just after 9. Before the restaurant had even closed. I had planned to grab a black cab from outside Walsall Railway Station but that was when I was expecting to be home late. That would have rounded off the Come Dine With Me feel as I could have given a summary of the night to an imaginary camera with a score card in my hand. I’d have given it a 6. I enjoyed the night even though it hadn’t panned out like I hoped. Food was good and the lads sound. Plus it got me out of watching England v Senegal and I was under budget. I’d deffo do it again but maybe with the other company that Alex uses.

I got home and had some fish fingers. Yes, that was my little win. I now have the ice breaker answer should anyone ask. Alex and Anthony, I only knew you briefly but thanks.

It was Swill’s 50th in September. I offered to shout him a curry as he had done for mine. It took until now to do it. Yes things don’t happen quickly in my life but this one aint all on me. Busy boy is Swill and it’s fair to say free time isn’t always a friend of mine either. So last Thursday we finally settled on a day.

It was a good day at work and I left in a great mood. Sara Cox was on good form on Radio 2 and I can only apologise to any residents on Ida Road that may have heard me singing along to Craig David and Backstreet Boys.

I must have had curry on my mind as I was walking quicker than usual and this was picked up on as at every road I had to cross, a car slowed down to let me. Apart from the driver of a white car on White Street. Doubly let down by my favourite colour there.

Swill also had curry on his mind. He’d messaged me to say he was excited and heading out early which made me glad that I hadn’t played the last one in the pub is a c*** card which happens quite often when we arrange anything.

Shirt ironing song of choice this time was the amazing Hands To Heaven by Breathe. This 80’s classic always reminds me of my awesome Boxes 2 Go colleague Shelley who used to sing along loudly whilst changing a couple of words in the chorus line “tonight I need your sweet caress” to make it a bit ruder.

I jumped on the 31 Diamond bus, driven by a very lovely lady and we were soon passing through Leamore. Swill messaged to say he was almost at Wetherspoons. I replied and broke with tradition by saying first one in the pub is a c***. Just as that posted he sent one with the usual last one clause. Jinx.

In Spoons I grabbed him a Carling and opted for a latte myself. I’m trying to cut down on my drinking and spending. Although his curry was budgeted for so no issues there. Trying to make up for the money I’d spent in the playoffs I was in the middle of two no spend weekends, but like I say, curry fund was already ring fenced and safe from new self imposed austerity measures.

Swill and I are not usually slow on the piss taking but on this occasion one of his opening gambits was “you seem really relaxed.” Yeah, I do think I’ve calmed down a bit these last couple of years.

I got a couple of quick latte’s down me but then Swill went up the bar. “Beer?” he asked. Because I’m a nob and I like value I still wasn’t done with the free refills from the coffee machine but I hadn’t had a beer since getting back from Wembley over a week earlier. Go on then. Soon I had a Carling and a latte in front of me. Time went quickly in here. We had planned to walk to The Hatherton but we were that deep in conversation we just couldn’t be arsed. Sorry Hatherton, I swear I will come back soon.

We went next door to Ashoca. It was where Swill took me for my 50th curry, so only right we did it for his. There was no music but this was quickly put right as we sat down. Again we were busy canting and I hadn’t even looked at the menu when the waiter came up. To buy more time we requested poppadoms asking for 2, but he thought we meant that in total. After a quick bit of hesitation Swill called him back and requested another each. One simply does not have a lone poppadom.

“Are we having starters?” I asked. “Are you having one?” he replied. I’d spotted Nargis Kebab on the menu, so although I asked the motion had already been carried. We were. I also went for some thing I have forgotten the name of. If I remember I’ll try and find the menu and see if I can relay this vital info. (I tried and failed to find this out.) I should report what Swill ordered but I can’t remember that either. I had a Nargis Kebab coming and at that moment, was all I gave a shit about.

The starters came quickly, served on slate. The We want plates account on Twitter would have been fuming. I demolished my starter and soon we were on the main. Mine was very dark red with long strips of chicken. A bit sweet but tasty, whilst the cheese naan was ace.

We got a free shot with the bill which was nice – I do award extra marks for this on my non existent Walsall eaterie points based leaderboard.

Swill shouted me a taxi home which was good of him. It came quickly. Neither myself or the driver were in mood for conversation which we were both happy with. Cracking evening. Happy birthday Swill, albeit 9 months late.

I had no thirst for the play offs in the aftermath of the normal season. I’d told someone after Accrington “the play offs can suck a fart out of my arse.” but of course as soon as they came round I was on board. I didn’t try and get one of the tickets for Chesterfield as we only had a few and I didn’t deserve one but I was there for the home game and it was a magnificent night. Well worth cancelling my birthday bash for.

So onto the final and in the lead up to it I wasn’t excited or nervous. Sounds strange but I thought we’d get dicked in the semis so the final seemed like a free hit.

I barely slept the night before and wasn’t overjoyed when the alarm sounded at 5am but I was up and at it straight away. Kettle on and I then went for a chat with my smart speaker. “Alexa….good morning.” She responded with a good morning and a fact about the day that I’d forgotten before the kettle had boiled. I followed up, “Alexa…we’re going to Wembley.” “Sorry, I can’t help you with that.” Thankfully I’d already had all the help I needed with Tim sorting my ticket out.

Breakfast was needed and the plan was MaccyD’s. The one on Park Street doesn’t open until 7am which is a bit poo so I headed to the 24 hour one by Tesco. The outer door glided open but then the inner one was locked. No order numbers on the screen inside. Clearly not open but cracking banter peeps leaving that one door unlocked.

I figured if I power walked, I could make the earlier train and grab snackage at New Street and I just about made it, giving Gary. Sean and Lauren only the briefest of greetings at the railway station.

The train was delayed by a minute so I made it and headed to Gregg’s in Brum which was empty. A very rude man cut me up on the way in but fair play he seemed in a hurry and did apologise inside. I grabbed a baguette and told the lady serving that she’d saved my life. Bit dramatic even by my standards yeah, but she gave me a nice smile.

Everyone I was meeting were already on the train and off we set. I was a bit puzzled as we pulled into Rugby as people started getting up. Sean explained that this train made lots of stops en route but we could change to another one by the same company that only stopped once. I fear change, even on trains but followed. The new train had a very shouty on board announcer which I didn’t need at that time in the morning, but did wonder if we could entice her to Wembley to help roar the lads on.

Anyway Sean was right and we were in London half an hour earlier than I expected. We marched off to a pub. A couple of lads ran in front of two red London buses as they were pulling away at lights. I stayed put. I had no intention of getting hit by one of those. There would be only one winner. I wasn’t quite so cautious on Euston Road though. The Monopoly geek in me had kicked in and I was excited at seeing the street sign and got a beep as I crossed. The rent for landing on said street in Monopoly is £6. No idea what it is for getting run over and thankfully I didn’t need to find out.

At the pub I wasn’t drinking booze so asked for Pepsi Max, which he didn’t have but gave me regular diet and didn’t charge me for it. Top bloke. I tried to hide this drink by sticking it on a ledge at the side ofd the bar and then trying to shield it with my ample body. It took Mase all of 2 seconds to spot it.

I sat with Chris and we spoke outfits. I said I’d considered a Walsall top but in the end opted for the same outfit as the Chesterfield second leg due to superstition. I say the same outfit, but I couldn’t remember which socks I’d had on but I had a 1 in 18 chance of getting it right. Chris had also done the same but he’d remembered everything.

It was a pleasant couple of hours in here, I’d got a second free Pepsi but it was Wembley time. I’m a massive fan of the London Underground and we were soon at Great Portland Street station. There was some banter as I walked through the barrier with the lad saying my card had came up as declined. He had me for s split second, before the realisation of it being payday weekend kicked in. I’m like a kid on the underground. A huge smile always breaks out on me as we hit the platform. We were soon on a Metropolitan Line (Magenta in colour if it comes up in a quiz) train heading to Wembley Park. (Sorry Del if you’re reading. His team Southend is at Wembley today in the Conference play off final but said station – the closest to the stadium is closed on this occasion.)

Our group broke up a bit on arrival and soon it was just myself, Mase, Panda and his sister Alison. We walked down the steps and the first song we heard playing was S Club 7 “S Club Party”. Alison and I joined in loudly and made a pact that we’d have a Saddlers Club party should we win.

We headed to The Blue Check. It was rammed but service was quick. We moved outside where more of our group joined us and also Swill who was making a proper weekend of it with a 2 night stay. He’d been out mooching the night before and advised of this place. It was epic to be fair with a great atmosphere.

It was soon toilet time and there was a small queue. I thought there was another room and the queue was coming from there too. Then I realised it was a mirror. I felt a bit dumb until the bloke in front turned round and said “bloody hell, I thought there was another queue but it’s a mirror.” The toilet was, erm cosy. Just a small trough and no cubicle. “Good job I don’t need a dump” I announced loudly. It got a small laugh. I’ll take that. Behind me a phone rang which was answered with the line “I’ll call you back, I’m in the pisser.” This got a big laugh which I joined in with.

I was now on the beer and the first pint went down in minutes. Which wasn’t the plan really as it was £7 a pint. Fair play to Mase, he got his card out and said “go and get me and you a pint. Have the pint for your birthday.” I didn’t need telling twice.

Shortly afterwards I got a message from Josh, who was outside the ground in the fan zone saying that he was going inside in 20 minutes. He had my ticket. Shit. I had a pint to finish, explanations for departure to give, goodbyes to say and another toilet. Plus I didn’t really know where I was. This was going to be another Challenge Anneka style mission. In my haste, when saying bye to Mase I accidentally headbutted him, which must have come sharp with this mossiv bonce of mine. Sorry Mase. (I checked the day after and he’s fine).

As you know from previous editions, I’m not one for asking for help but this time I had no choice. The bouncer outside was sound though and he told me how to get to half way down Wembley way. I only had to ask one more direction and I was in between the blue and green zone where Josh had said he was. Successful mission.

We had to go through entrance C which I liked. C is my favourite letter. So many good words begin with it like chicken, curry, cheese, chips and I’m sure there’s a couple more corkers. Josh, Mrs Josh (Lyndsey) and their son George went straight up into the stand. After another quick photo opportunity.

I used the loo and it was cubicles only. A bloke clearly wasn’t happy with this stopping to say “no urinals. This place is fucked in the nut.” Never heard that expression before but I shall be plagiarising it. I opted not to drink and instead just worked the concourse going pretty much the whole length of it seeing loads of people I know, and some I don’t that say they read the blog. I also bumped into a bloke that’s owed me £5 since 1999, but I’ve only seen once since. I didn’t ask for it.

After an hour it was time to head upstairs (after using another loo which did have a urinal trough). I knew I was in block 113. But my ticket said row 40, seat 40, £40. 40-40-40. Sounds like my measurements being announced if I was taking part in Miss World. Piece of piss to find my seat and I was with Josh and family, along with Laura, Pezza, his dad and Tim. I paid Tim for the ticket and he waived the booking fee.Top man and thanks.

Because the match was kicking off at 3.01 I made the National Anthem which I sang with gusto. On Walsall’s previous (and only) trip to Wembley I’d spent about 70 minutes downstairs in the concourse chatting and watching day trippers occasionally marching or being thrown out. This time though I wanted to see some action.

We were shit first half. Didn’t have a shot and they took the lead just before half time. First time since OPTA stats were introduced over a decade ago that a team hasn’t had a shot during the first half of a play off final. We don’t have live entertainment during half times of finals over here but at this juncture it would have been apt if Remember Monday had walked out and done a rendition of “What The Hell Just Happened?”

Laura went to get the beers and I turned it down. Upon getting back down to the concourse she somehow had about 4 extra pints and I was forced to have one but really did turn down a second one.

I checked my phone, and Craig had messaged me late during the half saying “the Portugal v Mexico match (in The Simpsons) was better than this.” It was hard to argue to be fair and if it wasn’t I wouldn’t have done as I had a pint to drink.

Second half wasn’t much better (I saw the last half an hour) and we lost. From being miles clear in January we were now stuck in League 2 for another season. It hurt. It hurt bad.

I was soon on The Metropolitan Line and back at Euston in no time. I bumped into Mark Jones who is one of my longest standing Walsall FC friends having met him in 1989. along with his sons, their girlfriends and his brother Andy and son Sam, so I joined up with them. There was time to grab a £4.25 egg mayonnaise sandwich which was just ever so slightly not worth that amount.

The train journey home was arduous. However there was the usual Walsall FC gallows humour along with a inquest of the season. I never drink on trains but my God I needed a beer after that shit show, so accepted a can which turned into two. Well I don’t like odd numbers. Sam was on excellent form, with a few tirades but also explaining what he’d give up for League One football. He’s never seen a Walsall FC promotion, the last one was in 2007 so loads haven’t. I’m running out of promotion years to use as one of my passwords at work.

There was a 20 minute stop at Northampton that we could have done without. Fucked in the nut that was. We got moving again and I had to use the loo. Unbeknown to me the lock wasn’t working, and the door slowly opened like it was revealing a star prize on a game show. What it did reveal though was a lass. Standing to the side, I assume trying to get the door to lock. She closed the door and I stood guard outside. I apologised again when she left. She did leave the seat up though which puzzled me.

We eventually got back to New Street and I rejoined my travel down companions for the journey back to Walsall. Upon leaving the train and walking through the lobby there was a bloke next to me, carrying his son in his arms who must have been only 4 or 5. The kid suddenly sang “Walsall FC” as the opening of the “from the Black Country chant” and it really got me. Proper lifted my spirits.

It was raining as I left the railway station. I had no umbrella and no coat like the bloke in Heart’s “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You” song. Although lead singer Ann Wilson was not driving by. Bloody pedestrianisation scheme. This didn’t bother me. My parade had already been rained on. I trudged up to the Walsall Arms. Late night in here normally involves shots but as my team hadn’t had any of note that day then I wasn’t having any either. I had a pint and headed home.

Superb day with great people again, just the match to ruin it like so many times. We didn’t even have the satisfaction of a goal being ruled out by VAR to cry foul over. Typically, as there were no top flight games on, we had to quote Jimmy Lennon Junior “millions watching around the world” and we served up that horror show. I only saw one half and half scarf though which I’d have taken beforehand. Questions need to be asked though as to how we fucked this season up. Glad the season is over. Roll on August. See you all then.

Premier Diner. 86-87 Queen Street. Walsall. Reviewed 23/4/25

Queen Street. Once residential but now very much a business street, and where two of the 3 companies that I used to work for Corroy Products (power tools, building fixings) and Cardboard Boxes 2 Go (boxes, bubble wrap etc) face each other as if having some kind of stare out contest.

It was St George’s Day. That meant a good breakfast was required so I offered to shout food for Josh and Craig as it was a special occasion, if they’d join me.

This used to be Queen Street Tavern back in the day and I never ticked it off as a pub but did used to pop the WalsallAdvertiser in the porch when I was earning cash for football matches.

I’ve only been in here once as a cafe and that was before Southampton (a) in 2011. The day Walsall FC completed the great escape against relegation from League One. At the time of this visit it felt like we were trying to complete the great escape against promotion to League One.

I went for large breakfast with no tomato or mushroom. Josh tried to do a create your own breakfast but found that that didn’t come with a hot drink so went for a set one, telling the lady to give me his two eggs. Craig also went for a set breakfast, telling the lady to give me his cuppa. It all felt a bit Multi Coloured Swap Shop but we got there in the end. It came to about £21 which I was more than happy with.

There was no music, and our conversation was very laddie so hope it couldn’t be overheard. The food came quickly, the waitress had never been asked to take a foodie group picture before but was fine with it.

Food was really good and everyone was happy. The toilets looked like they were the same ones as when it was a pub. I enjoyed this visit. Great food and company. I walk past this place every morning on the way to work at The Manor Hospital but it’s not open that early, which is probably for the best really. Will revisit though.

Fortune Cookie. 3 Hawes Close, Walsall. Reviewed 04/05/25.

When I moved out of my parents gaff in 1996, I moved into the flat above the chemist next door to this place with Paul and Cara. This was a car spares place in those days if I remember correctly. Not been in though since it became a takeaway and because it was a bank holiday Sunday and I wasn’t out drinking, I thought I’d take a nice stroll down here and reminisce a bit as I had to walk past some childhood haunts en route.

I don’t usually have starters at a Chinese but I was horrendously under budget on the weekend spend so opted to splash out with chicken wings in barbecue sauce (£5.60) and the usual favourite of sweet and sour king prawn balls (£7.10).

The place is nicely decorated and there are 4 chairs to wait on. No television though which I thought was a legal requirement for a Chinese takeaway. The food came quickly and the nice lady bade me a lovely evening as I left. I’d got Chinese takeaway so this was a given but a nice touch.

I power walked home whilst listening to a concert on Radio 2 of songs from shows that Elaine Paige has been in. I’ve changed.

Upon getting home I unpacked and found a free bag of prawn crackers. This gesture probably cost them pennies but my God it shot them into my good books. Yes it’s easy to get into those but also to get into my bad ones. During those two years of living next door I boycotted the one further along next to what was the Post Office (Hong Kong Delight if I remember rightly) for 18 months because I didn’t get a free calendar and the bloke behind me, who spent less did.

Anyway this food was ace. I may venture in again on the way home from Bescot Stadium next season.

Hungry Pigs Cafe. 183-`185 Wolverhampton Road West, Bentley, Walsall. Reviewed 6/4/25.

Not gonna lie, this was plan B. Plan A had its shutters up but upon getting close, had to let signs in the windows. Craig was like “we’ll have Wetherspoons breakfast instead.” No. The deal was we were doing a review. I love a Wetherspoons breakfast but that had not been in the brochure for this morning.

So we hit Bentley and pulled up outside. Not been here before but have gone past millions of times on the 529. We weren’t sure it was open to start with and just as I was pondering plan C, a man walked out so we marched in.

I am currently trying to shed some timber so decided to have just a large breakfast. Craig then asked for a bumper. Well I wasn’t being usurped by an out of townie so I joined him in bumper. These cost £11 each but didn’t come with a drink which was a bit odd. Craig paid but we did have £15 from winning The Walsall Arms quiz the night before to put towards this.

Decoration was sparse in here apart from the menu and a social distancing keep 2m apart sign (which we ignored) there wasn’t much in the one half and in the half we sat in it was just a sign advertising the Sunday opening hours.

Music was provided by Heart FM with the highlight being “Firework” by Katy Perry. The food came quickly and I asked the server to take a pic. He asked “is this a special occasion?” This really caught me off guard. I muttered something along the lines of it being my first visit and wanting a pictorial record. Not exactly a lie. In hindsight I should have said “I’m off work. Definitely a special occasion.”

Craig asked twice if I wanted mayonnaise. I had a Belgian grandmother and I love mayo but not on a full English. As I’d said no tomato or mushroom I got extra black pudding and an additional pot of beans which was nice. Craig had a pot of beans and one of tomatoes on his. This reminded me of an interview that Jamiroquai lead singer Jay Kay gave to Chris Moyles years ago and they talked breakfast. Jay was on about how things have to be eaten in order (sorry Josh if you’re reading) and that he doesn’t even like things touching on the plate. Summed up with the brilliant line “if any of the tomatoes goes into the beans, then that’s it. It’s all over.”

I liked this visit. Craig was a bit miffed by the lack of sauce bottles and sachets instead, and didn’t feel it was great value for money. There is no bathroom facilities here so if you’re coming off the M6 and bursting for a toilet, you will need to press on.

Lee Garden. 107 Stafford Street, Walsall. Reviewed 10/5/25

I was a regular here when I lived in Lewis Street, for 6 years. I’ve not however been in in the 9 years since I moved back to my rightful side of the town. I was talking to my mate John about takeaways and mentioned this place. I asked if I shouted him food, would he pick me up one night, take me there and bring me back home. He agreed. I was immediately excited. I needed no looking at the menu, I knew straight away what I was having.

It was my last Saturday as a 50 year old so seemed a good day to go. I did double check the menu and there it was. Extra large mixed curry. No 64 chicken and king prawn. John had announced beef Chow Mein on the way but on hearing of my choice he also went extra large curry but with chicken and beef. He kept the onions, peas and mushrooms in his though.

No television in here but there was a fish tank which makes a nice focal point. There was also poetry on the wall that wasn’t there in 2016. I tried to read it but it was slightly high for me.

We got back to my house and I got the big plates out that usually only get used when Josh comes for breakfast. We sat at the table and it was all very civilised. I demolished my curry. It was magnificent. John reported that his curry was “bostin” with “proper nice beef.” I was disappointed that we didn’t get free prawn crackers. I checked the menu later and they are provided on orders over the wonderfully random £19. We were £1.20 short. No moaning though. I respect cut off points.

Great visit this. Delivery is avaialbe for £2 on orders over £14. I’m keeping the menu close to hand

Kabels. Shaw Street, Walsall. Reviewed 14/05/25.

Not a first visit here. Been as Kabels 2 or 3 times and showed my face several times when it was Mickeys Steakaway. I was meeting Swill for a bite to eat before heading to The Light Cinema to watch Final Destination – Bloodlines (which was magnificent).

Swill has been a best mate of mine since primary school days but I rarely get to see him on just a me and him basis, so we had much to discuss and catch up on. The first time the waiter came I hadn’t even looked at the menu, and when I finally did it was only a glance as we were locked in discussions, and he was taking the piss which is standard. He always cracks me up.

I had 10oz sirloin (medium rare) and he had 10oz rump (medium well). I’m much chubbier than Swill so it was nice to finally be in the same weight division as him for some reason. You get two sides with these. I only had one which was chips and in truth I didn’t really want them. I’d come for steak and conversation.

No Pepsi Max here so I made do with the standard diet version while Swill tucked into bottles of Peroni. The food came quickly. My steak was ace but Swill said his was better on a previous visit but did say he’d had a different sort that time. I had some chips, and tried to give Swill the rest but he was having none of it. He was saving some room for a bottle of wine in the cinema.

Music was standard pop of differing ages. There was some Michael Jackson and Backstreet Boys amongst others. Waiter was friendly too and actually rescued me as I was standing outside, absolutely convinced I’d got there first as I was early but Swill was already upstairs and ready to order when I was finally led upstairs.

Another good visit this, made better by Swill paying as a birthday treat for me.

Inspired by the poems in Lee Garden, I thought I’d have a go. I’ve not written a poem since primary school and I think that will show. Pam Ayres isn’t going to be too worried but here goes. Ode To The Chinese Takeaway.

As a kid, I lived by Mr Yips. He was God like with his curry sauce and chips. It was magical opening that foil tray. I had to devour it all straight away.

I don’t do starters, just a main course. And I can’t be arsed with the soy sauce. Chicken curry, or king prawn fried rice. Although an hour later I could eat them twice.

Lee Garden do Banana Fritter. That’d wreck my hopes of getting fitter. I’ll stick with king prawn sweet and sour, my metabolism would clear them within an hour.

I love the cooking sounds, those clank clanks. I accept the food with big thanks. I’d rather have a kick in the knackers, than not get a bag of free prawn crackers.

Verona Pizza. 93 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 26/02/25.

This was Rooster Hut for years, then briefly Charleys and now it’s Verona Pizza. This visit wasn’t supposed to happen. I had belly draft in the fridge that I’d been looking forward to but coming out of work, Woza messaged and suggested meeting in The Fountain at 6. Well there was no time to go home was there? But I needed food.

I needed cash but I was so busy dreaming about pizza that I marched past TSB in my own little world, only realising when I was by The Registry. I was soon in the venue though armed with banknote.

I perused the men.The Special Verona Burger – steak house beef burger topped with fresh melted Cheddar cheese, with 2 chicken strips and 2 onion rings more than leaped out at me, but I was still dreaming about pizza. Some of the starters sound amazing like dough ball cheese, garlic bread with pepperoni and cheese with chilli cheese nuggets also catching my eye. Dips are available at the wonderfully random price of 39p each.

Of course we had to play the usual game of find a pizza without something shit on it. The Tasty Chicken pizza is listed as tandoori chicken and sweetcorn. Chicken yes please – sweetcorn can get in the bin. Yes I know I could order the pizza and ask for anything that I don’t like to be omitted but I just want to order, sit down and shut up. I do not want to enter into negotiations. I will never be accused of liking my own voice.

I went for an 8″ meat feast – ground beef, tandoori chicken, salami and ham. My days of ordering bigger pizzas are long gone sadly. This was £5.99 and I wondered if I would get the 1p coin amongst the change but the lad behind the counter was uo front asking for £6.

I surveyed the scene whilst waiting. There is a mind the step sign on the door which other places could learn a lot from. There is one table which was occupied by a couple and there was no music which was fine by me. It didn’t take long for my food to arrive and the couple vacated the table as it did so I sat facing out watching the world go by.

Pizza was great, but it was always going to be. I don’t think it’s possible to do bad pizza. Good visit this. Will be back and next time I’m having that burger whilst ploughing through the starters.

Golden Moments. 3 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 06/03/25

Long standing curry house and probably the only one in the town centre that has been there my whole adult life. I still refer to it as Golden Monsoon though as my mate and former Corroy Products colleague Carl called it that after drunkenly misreading the sign in the aftermath of my 21st birthday bash in 1995.

This was another unplanned visit. The previous night I’d had my tea late, seriously late due to a combination of my general disorganisation and a bit more of my general disorganisation. This time I had been at work all day and was now on the way home after a good workout in the gym and I spotted the buffet night menu in the window.

Suddenly I couldn’t be arsed to cook upon getting home and fuelled by the knowledge that it was a Council Tax free month, I headed in. I have been to these nights before, usually when meeting friends or on occasion when they have put the menu on Facebook and I see that white chicken tikka is one of the starter options. See, my favourite colour even influences my eating habits.

This time there there were things to try that I’d not had before so I was well up for it. I’d heard of Chicken Rogan Jush (always thought it was Josh though) but Chicken Surma I’d never heard of and a quick Google search didn’t help.

First visit up was low key. Poppadom with mint dip and 2 boiled eggs. Solid start. Then it was starters. Vegetable Pakora was somewhat vague. Veggies have never been friends of mine. What if it was cauliflower? Would I make it to the toilet before violently retching everywhere?

The Spice Wings were amazing and the Pakora? Epic. I know not what vegetable it was and I cared less. 3rd run involved more wings and pakora and the chicken curry dishes. The Rogan Jush was spicy and flavoursome and the Surma was nice but had to describe.

I only had those three trips up. Old me would have gone up 4 or 5 times but I was content.

Another great visit this and the buffet nights are on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Well worth a visit.

Annie’s Sandwich & Grill. 82 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 14/03/25.

We should have been heading to Camden on this day for the start of a London weekend but that all fell through. I was off work so I ventured out for munchies. This was N.E Sandwich for years but is now called Annie’s.

There was a police van parked up across the road and as I perused the menu we were joined in the shop by an officer conducting enquiries. All very exciting and I’m very easily distracted but I was focused on food and opted for a bacon, sausage and egg baguette as I’d been good on the eating front all week. This cost £3.50 which is more than reasonable.

A lady was led across the road and put in the back of the van and then three police officers gave a man a frisking and talking to. The ladies behind the counter were giving a running commentary on the events which made it feel like I was watching The Bill on Gogglebox.

The baguette came quickly and it was delightful. We had some classic tunes on courtesy of Vernon Kay on Radio 2. I had no idea that he was on said station but I like a bit of knowledge with my breakfast so all good. Tunes were like Gala “Freed From Desire”, Olive “You’re Not Alone” and my favourite by The Tamperer. Did we ever find out what she’d look like with a chimney on her?

I gave the menu another gander. The roast pork sandwich sounded amazing and I pondered what they would say if I stayed and ordered that, as a second police vehicle had pulled up opposite and I wanted to stay and watch developments. However I departed. I said my goodbyes but also gestured across the road and thanked them for the entertainment. “We she have charged you extra for that.” came the response. Good visit this. A third police car turned up as I left.

Mi Amor. 89 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 20/04/25

There is a tradition in our family that dates back to about 23BC which is every Easter Sunday you venture out for breakfast. Eager to keep my forefathers and mothers happy I headed to this place that had reopened in the week following refurbishment.

My last time in this building was a very brief one while it was still King Balti. Craig and I sat down, ordered the usual pints of Carling only to be told it had gone unlicensed. So we marched out. I say we, it was me. Craig was protesting, “the waiter said we can get some cans from the petrol station.” I was like “no we can’t.”

Anyway so in I walked. The service was very friendly and smiley which was good. I perused the menu and opted for the full English but with no tomato or mushroom. You have the option of adding fish fingers for £1.50 which I dived on. They do a £34 sharing “Breakfast Tower” which when I finally meet a “lucky” lady, I’m treating her to.

Whilst waiting for the food I realised that I don’t know what Mi Amor means so I Googled it. It means my love. Duly noted for Breakfast Tower morning. Whilst on Google it also brought up other results including the place I was sitting in and also a bridal shop in Sutton Coldfield which I don’t I’ll have any call for.

Breakfast came quickly and yes it had two fish fingers on. I’ve since been taunted by friends for adding these on but I care not. There was also a bit of salad which was also a first for me on a breakfast.

The breakfast was great and I even ate the salad just cause I’d paid for it. Plus I was going straight to the gym so I figured I’d soon burn off that bit of radish. The latte with caramel syrup was also really good.

Music, I didn’t know what any of it was but there was nothing I didn’t take to so all good on front. Not sure what the total bill was. I paid with a £20 note and put the change in the tip jar.

Wishbone Pizza. 98-99 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed very late 21/04/25.

Craig and I had had a good bank holiday Easter Monday drinking and visited this very long standing venue late on. Normally he goes in and sorts food and I head across the road to order a taxi (back in the day we’d have piled into Zaf’s limo) and hope they come together. It’s a good system apart from one day when the taxi was ready straight away and Craig had to come running across the road, meat in hand. This time though I wanted in with him.

Craig went for his usual mixed kebab meat and chips while I couldn’t be arsed with chips so went for a chicken tower burger. Can’t tell you prices as Craig paid (I always pay the taxi) so I posed in front of the menu so you can have some idea. I don’t need to go too in-depth into this. We’ve all been there millions of times. Will visit again, no doubt.

Chaii Dosa, 91-92 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 27/04/25.

To almost quote John Cleese at the start of the Cheese Shop sketch, I was sitting in the public Library when I suddenly came over all peckish. Ok, not strictly true. I was sitting in Katz but it’s near the Library.

This is situated in what was Balloons Wine Bar back in he day. I still remember my last visit there. It was with Swill back in 2013 when we were planning the Walsall Curry House Monopoly Board Challenge, which sadly petered out after 4 reviews. The blog is still live here if you want a revisit or didn’t know me then. On those reviews, Swill’s thoughts are first with mine underneath.

Anyway so Chaii Dosa is a vegetarian Desi street food venue. I don’t really do the vegetarian scene so this was a bit out of the usual comfort zone. Well up for it though.

Well it still feels like Balloons albeit without a drunken karaoke going on. Even the bar is still in place although it’s now unlicensed. The last orders bell remains and it got me wondering if it still gets sounded 10 minutes before chef clocks off causing a mass of Aloo Tikki Chat ordering.

I went for Paneer Pratha which are flat breads filled with Indian cheese and herbs. Thinking about it I don’t recall John Cleese asking for Paneer. He might have got lucky with that.

The music was standard for an Indian food place and it was relaxed with friendly service. The waiter even gave me his number and asked if I needed any gardening doing to give him a call. I think he;d be late for his next shift here if he started on my back garden.

Food was good, it was my first sample of Indian coffee (it didn’t have a name) and I had a a few of the cheesy chips to keep the dairy intake going. I can’t advise prices because I forgot to make a note of them because I;m a nob.

Nice place this, it’s not open on Mondays though if you fancy a visit.

Ablewell Fish Bar, 72 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 12/05/25.

As Josh is forever having me round his house for food, I offered to buy a chippy tea for his whole family. Unfortunately his wife Lyndsey had to miss out due to having to get to work when the traffic so it was just me, Josh and his 3 kids that went.

This is a long standing, cash only chippy and Charlie who has owned it for years has recently sold up but still pops in for occasional shifts.

I was ravenous on arrival. I don’t have chips often nowadays so as a near birthday treat I had a small portion of them along with a large cod. Josh had kebab meat and chips, with chilli sauce and salad but requested no tomato. He’s been listening to my breakfast orders. I’m finally grinding him down. Fair play to him as he said to keep the cots down that the kids would share a cheesey chips. I also had a pot of gravy. Josh didn’t know that chip shop gravy was a thing.

The bil came to £22 and I’m guessing that most of that was my cod. We got back and sorted the food out. Now I try not to dabble with the 7 Deadly Sins but I will confess to a bit of Envy when I saw the kids cheesy chips.

Josh is fussy about fish and barely eats it but I let him try mine and he was happy with it, especially the batter. He was less sold on the gravy though. I absolutely demolished mine although I did give some chips away. Enjoyable visit this, especially as I don’t use it often nowadays. It’s not open Sundays though if yo’re pondering popping in..

That’s it for this edition then. Fans of Pizza 2000, if you’re wondering where your favourite place’s review is, then fret not. I did it last year ago and you can catch it here.

Crewe (a) – last game of the season – we’d thought this was going to be a big party, and there was still a slight chance it could be. This day had caused me some issues: a month before the fixtures came out, I was invited to a wedding and had to click “Accept” by a deadline. I did so with three wishes in mind: A. don’t be last game of the season, B. don’t be Crewe (a) and C. don’t be in with a chance of promotion on that day. Of course, all three came in, although C now looked somewhat unlikely. In January I withdrew from that wedding, explaining the likely good times happening at Crewe and that it was my bezzie mate’s birthday. I was granted leave. To further cloud the issue, a great mate then invited me to his wedding evening event on the same day. I’ve not yet truly mastered the art of being in one place at once, let alone three. So there was two happy couples thinking I was a twat that day.

So it was the last day of the season, there was still a chance of promotion (albeit needing snookers), and we needed to better Bradford’s result to go up automatically. Josh had a pass from his wife Lyndsey for his birthday out on the lash. We were meeting at Jack and Ada’s, a cafe Josh had never ticked off. I was slightly late leaving the house due to my ancient PC, for some reason, stopped me going to the checkout on the Trainline website. After five minutes of trying, I gave up and had to do it on my phone, which was a major faff.

To save time, I didn’t bother ironing my top so apologies for the lack of song choice in this edition. I went all black in my outer clothes. I don’t like wearing black but it seemed kind of fitting with how we’d blown automatic promotion. It felt a bit Amy Winehouse. Ok Port Vale, you go back to League 1 and I’ll go back to, I’ll go back to blaaaaaack.

I headed into town and entertainment was provided en route in the form of a man kicking chairs over outside Gregg’s. He walked off shouting something in a language I didn’t know. I just hoped that this wasn’t going to be the only attacking intent from a Walsall perspective I was going to see all day. Josh was already at Jack and Ada’s – it was already busy and I reckon 95% of the customers were heading to Crewe. I shouted Josh a full English as it was his birthday and we were soon tucking in. As you know from previous editions, I eat my food in strict order which really pisses Josh off but this time, due to trains being imminent, I ate it in a haphazard fashion and Josh was very proud of me. Josh eats his food as if somebody will take it off him in a minute, but for once, I upped my pace and wasn’t too far behind him in finishing.

On the way to the railway station we entered Butler’s Passage. I commented that it was named after former Walsall FC favourite Martin Butler. I think Josh actually believed it for a split second. In hindsight I should have said Andy Butler. Would have been so much more plausible.

We were soon on the train and had to change at Rugeley Trent Valley; a train already full of Ipswich and Stevenage fans was now boosted with an impressive number of Saddlers. The Stevenage fans were in good voice with an array of songs including an entertaining one about Luton’s double relegation. I received a chant of “Oooh Michael Van Gerwen” which is always hilarious. It was funny the first time I heard it in 2015.

We were at the Cheshire Inn in Crewe just after 11 and it was already bouncing. The DJ had anthems lined up and I don’t know if he’s aware of Walsall FC’s songs but they seemed tailor made for us with “One Step Beyond” and “She Wore a Yellow Ribbon” – two of our anthems getting more than one airing. At one point the music cut out and a Saddler took the mic to belt out our own terrace chants. Lots of people I knew were in there and a few others came up to me saying they read the blog. Hello to the lad who reads this on a Sunday morning on the loo – apologies that this edition has been discharged on a Saturday. Hope I haven’t missed this morning’s movement.

We were joined later on by Mase, Swill, John, Kimbo, Amber and JB. As the clock ticked to two, the DJ went full on indie disco, treating us to Pigeon Detectives, The Courteeners and the absolute classic by The Enemy – “We’ll Live and Die in These Towns”, which Mase, John, Kimbo and I gave absolute portions to. We also had “Twist and Shout” which is my favourite Beatles song, although I only found out recently that is not a Beatles original – hello Craig if you’re reading. The most random song at this hour was a bit of classic ABBA; the sight of hardened Walsall fans belting out “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)” was something to behold. After 4 tremendous hours in the pub, we headed to Gresty Road. I’m on antibiotics and had no booze – yes, you read that rightly: Crewe (a), a vitally important match and I was doing it stone-cold sober. As you know, the rule is never watch Walsall sober.

We got to the ground and were in the little stand behind the goal, having been in the second wave of tickets. The match started and soon we were treated to the sight of white smoke coming from behind the home end. Someone behind us cheered and shouted, “They’ve picked the new Pope”. I hoped this wasn’t the only thing we’d get to cheer today. My pre-match prediction was that Bradford would be 5-0 up before we got a corner. Both games were 0-0 at half time. Oh my god – we were still in this. It’s the hope that kills you.

Mid-way through the second half, the beautiful moment arrived: George Hall scored in front of our end, limbs everywhere, Josh jumped on me nearly putting me in the row behind; it was truly joyous. As it stood, we were third in the table and in that final automatic promotion spot. Time actually went quickly for once, which isn’t normally the case when we are winning. I was trying not to clock-watch and the board didn’t go up, but someone behind me announced we were two minutes into stoppage time. It was still 0-0 at Bradford – we knew this as we had a female Jeff Stelling behind us telling us everything. Another minute passed – me and Josh were arm in arm, we’ve been mate for fifteen years and have never had a promotion to celebrate yet. We were daring to dream.

All of a sudden I heard a voice behind me say, “Bradford have scored.” I hoped it wasn’t true, but then the Crewe fans erupted into cheers. Apparently Bradford had scored with the last kick of the game – a wicked deflection past a stranded keeper into the corner. Totally gutting. We were seconds from promotion and it was gone, just like that. Home fans celebrating just shovelled Salt into the wound. I’ve not seen us win at Crewe in twenty five years but I walked out the ground as devastated as that 5-1 play-off defeat in 1993. On the way out of the ground, I was offered three or four viewings of the Bradford goal, but frankly I did not want to see it.

We missed out on promotion by a point which is gutting considering how many we have thrown away as of late. Bescot Crescent must be overrun with fly tipped points. I know we’ve been shit these past three months and have only ourselves to blame. The football gods kept smiling on us in this run with favourable results elsewhere but quite a few times, it was as if the good luck gods had closed our account with some of the incidents in our games. Future historians will look back at 24/25 as the Walsall FC – what the fuck was that? season.

The Cheshire Inn was closed after the game – we ended up in the British Lion which was subdued but soon perked up. It was Josh, Amber, JB and me, and soon joined by other Saddlers. The first song that came on was “Build Me Up Buttercup” – Josh said this should be a Walsall FC song – “why do you build me up, just to let me down?” I pondered what might be next on the jukebox – maybe “Didn’t We Almost Have It All”, or “Close, But No Cigar”?

Josh disappeared as he had to get back for a birthday dinner with Mrs Josh. To be fair, the plan was to go back with him, but his role as time monitor (which I appointed him) went wrong as he gave us just twelve minutes to make the train, which was never happening in my world.

I caught the next train, headed straight home and sulked. I’m 51 this week and shouldn’t let football bother me, but my god, it fucking still does at times. Bring on the play-offs. UTS.

It was the last home game of the league season – Accrington Stanley. You Tube was just doing its thing and I was happy for it to choose the music. It knows my tastes and guilty pleasures. So my shirt ironing song today was “You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain. Absolutely brilliant track and when I meet Mrs Right, if we’re together after a year or so it’s definitely going to be our song.

I needed breakfast to start with so met John Heighway in The Walsall Arms. Usual host Jodi was this time on cooking duties so landlady Jaz was on front of house.

Breakfast was quick in arriving. Jodi did her usual trick of asking if it was alright, while I had a mouthful. I swallowed and confirmed that it was but that the acid test was the bacon which I’d eat last. I can confirm the bacon was good. Jaz was on good form with the banter. She told me she was off to a cheese and wine festival on the afternoon. I said “that sounds amazing. I’m actually jealous. If the match is shit, please send a taxi to pick me up and I’ll join you.”

We stayed for a second cup of tea; Jodi’s young daughter Frankie offered John some pizza. The pizza slices turned out to be Carling beer mats. “Carling pizza?” he queried. Now that’s an invention that needs inventing. Deep pan, tomato sauce, mozzarella, tandoori chicken, pepperoni, beef and a splash of Carling on top to garnish. Wishbone, if you’re reading you can have that. If not, John and I will be on Dragons Den next year. We departed. A good start to the day.

I went home and fannied around a bit, leaving it to the last second to leave the house. Standard. I took a stroll whilst monitoring the Bradford score. Kids, never check the Bradford score whilst crossing the road. It’s illegal and definitely not in The Green Cross Code. Anyway, Bradford lost, automatic promotion was back in our own hands. I put my phone away and starting concentrating on where I was going.

It was about a minute to kick off when I reached the ground if you’re wondering why the outside is deserted in the picture. Well, not quite deserted. My mate Gaz was about and jumped into the picture which I didn’t mind.

I was soon in the ground. Josh was in block 6 which is my usual one so I joined him. I glanced up to the back row where my season ticket is and I wasn’t getting near it. I don’t actually know where my season ticket seat is. Never sat in it. I just know it’s the back row.

We started brightly, hit the wood work twice. Then Accrington scored a worldy against the run of play and we faded. We stayed in the bar after half time and watched in there even though I wasn’t drinking at this point. It was utter shit. I know I’m not going to get a sports reporting job for Radio 5 Live with a summary like that but there’s just no other way of putting it. I almost went round the front to see if a taxi was waiting to take me to the cheese and wine festival.

We went out for the final whistle and soon the dismal showing was over. The team were booed off and there very loud calls for the manager to be sacked. It was pretty toxic. We’d qualified for the play offs but having thrown away automatic promotion that looked nailed on in January was not going down well. It was now out of our hands with the final day fixtures heavily in Bradford’s favour.

We ambled round the front. Josh and his son George went in the club shop and I waited outside. Whilst there, I noticed they stopped letting people in. It wasn’t even 5.15 so it seemed a bit premature. I only saw a couple of people try to go in but that’s not the point. They could have spent a couple of hundred quid, especially as there was a 40% sale on. My mate Asps says that the problem with Walsall FC is that we’ve never had a player called Sodje like most clubs have. The money they could’ve spent may have gone towards a Summer Sodje signing.

There were a few angry folk loitering outside the main reception and the doors were being guarded by police and stewards. We ambled in The Locker. It seems like 5 minutes ago this place was rocking post match to chants of “we are top of the league” and “we are going up”. This time though the DJ was playing Perfecto Allstarz “Reach Up (Pappa’s Got A Brand New Pigbag)” and everyone was chanting along to the chorus “duh-duh-duh-duh fuck-ing useless”, and I think they meant it.

It was very busy in there and I was in no rush for beer as the queues were lengthy,so I just loitered and chatted. I also took this opportunity to go on Facebook Dating for the first time all day. I’d had a like from a lady called Annabel in Telford. The profile pic was just of a plant – not sure if it was a Triffid or not. Normally if there isn’t a photo of an actual person on the profile I class that as an automatic red flag and I disregard, even though I’m not over run with likes on there. This time though I saw that she likes the song “Gravity” by Embrace, which I love. So I thought I’d message including a reference to the song. I was talking to Josh whilst typing and it was only as I was about to press send that I saw that auto correct had changed Annabel to Anna below. Bit preemptive I thought so I changed it and pressed send. She didn’t reply.

People were checking on what was happening outside reception. On my turn I returned and reported to Josh, “they are attacking the Accrington team coach.” Josh was like “whaaaat?” I then confessed that I’d made it up to keep him interested.

Pezza suggested we move on, as the mood in The Locker wasn’t good. So him, Laura and their kids, Bella and Albie, along with myself, my Niece Amber with her daughter Frankie and JB all headed to Katz. We’d just missed The New York Times who had been in taking pictures and talking to customers as Katz now stocks NoFo beers, an American partner company of Walsall FC. I was disappointed to have missed them as I would have made it all about me. I don’t know if the New York Times has a page 7 fella like The Sun used to but I reckon I’d have been a shoe in for it.

There was lots of fellow Saddlers in Katz and it was rammed but the mood was far better than in The Locker. The old “don’t let Walsall FC ruin the day” rule had clearly kicked in. Another Saddler in the form of local singer Kevin Ruby-Astin was doing a set and smashing it again.

It was so busy inside we had to sit outside which didn’t bother us. The conversation was varied. The week before I’d given Laura a tenner and told her to get the kids Easter eggs. She fessed up here that they actually used the money to buy the kids a Danny’s Chicken takeaway. Needless to say I thoroughly approved of this. Remember though, Danny’s Chicken is for life, not just for Easter.

We were joined outside by Swill, Mase and Martin. It was good to see them and as per normal, Swill’s made the night somewhat more random, although Laura added to this with a discussion where she had mixed up my mates Craig and Panda and it took several minutes of probing to work out what she was actually asking. We got there in the end.

I finally made it into the front bar for a NoFo pint and picture opportunity. Free pizza slices and warm samosas were provided which went down a storm. Slowly the group started to dwindle until I was the last one. I popped inside to see what was occurring. I’d briefly met Nick from NoFo outside The Locker earlier and had a quick chat. He was now back in Katz with Jase the landlord so we had another quick discussion.

Kevin was doing a belting rendition of “Red Light Spells Danger” so I watched that then departed. I popped in Walsall Arms but only had one. The singer was really good in here as well but I decided to catch Danny’s before it shut. If it’s good enough for Albie and Bella, it’s good enough for me. Class day apart from between 3 and 5, but hey. We are more than used to that scenario.

23rd of April was St George’s Day, although some people are saying it happens on the 28th this year due to Easter being late but I didn’t really understand that. Anyway, so back to the 23rd and I was off work for it yet again.

I got up around 6.30 made a cuppa and went back to bed to listen to Scott Mills on Radio 2. All the Absolute stations have now disappeared off my DAB radio as did Radio X a few years back, moving to DAB+ for a “crisper clearer sound.” I’m from the 1970’s and there was noting wrong with the sound on medium wave if you ask me. Anyway this was my first time listening to Mills on 2. It was good to be fair.

I have a rule that I only play English music on St George’s Day so my getting ready songs of choice this time were “Pandora’s Box by OMD as it popped in my head on the walk home from work the previous week and I’d been playing it lots since. This was followed up with “Dragging Me Down” by Inspiral Carpets because it’s magnificent and then Norgaard by The Vaccines as it was one of the albeit very few answers that I’d provided as Craig and I won the quiz at The Registry the night before.

I got up for the second time at 9.30, summonsed Craig from the spare room and awaited Josh. I’d offered to shout them both breakfast if they joined me on a review. Soon we were heading to Premier Diner on Queen Street. I’ll do a proper review in a future edition but the food was good and the conversation quickly became very laddie. I’d blame Josh for this nut I think I certainly helped steer it in that direction.

So my general plan was eat, then head to Hargun’s in Caldmore for Samosa Wednesday purchases. Samosa Wednesday is a newly established tradition in my house and I now get a lovely smile from the lady as I walk in so I think she’s clocked the pattern emerging. Then I was going to head into town about 4pm for a small amount of alcohol. Needless to say, things didn’t go to plan.

Whilst in Premier Diner I had a message from Jaz the landlady of The Walsall Arms asking if I knew where she could get some England flags. I replied that I’d got a couple and could drop them in. Craig went back to Coventry then Josh and I headed to The Arms getting there bang on midday. Jaz gave Josh the job of flag erection which was fine with me. I grabbed an early beer as I was there. Jaz joined in to help Josh so I just sat there supping. Standard for St George’s Day.

Josh disappeared to do family stuff and I opted for one more, then Harguns then home for a bit. Did this happen? No. The newly formed plan c ended up staying in the arms for a couple of hours then wandering down to Katz.

Jase the landlord was on in Katz which was good. I grabbed a Wainwrights, but because the tv was showing snooker, I moved away and sat at the back as I didn’t people thinking I was interested in that. The music was really good in here and I had a peruse at Facebook Dating as I hadn’t had chance the past few days. I had a call from Josh with good news that more tickets for our final league match at Crewe had been released and that he’d go down there early the next day to try and get us one. And he did. What a top lad he is.

From there I headed to The Registry as I still had some free pint vouchers from winning the quiz the night before. It was busy in here and the karaoke was very entertaining. Legendary Walsall fan Leachie was in so it was good to see him. Song of the afternoon in here was a performance of “A Groovy Kind Of Love”.

I saw DJ Daymo who was on duty and had hosted the previous nights quiz. “Have you used your free pint vouchers yet?” he asked. I confirmed a couple still remained. He laughed and said “I knew they wouldn’t last you long.” Knows me well.

I opted for another pint as it was free and also some food. The Reg has recently launched a new menu but I was all over the 3 starters for £12. I went 6 chicken wings (£6.50) chicken goujons (£6.25) and crispy coated prawns (£7). Food came quickly and it was really good with a special nod to the prawns.

I left and I could hear karaoke emanating from The Tap & Tanner and as the place is still in my good books after the Easter Monday session I headed in. I got served straight away again and Coop was back on the karaoke hosting. The lad who did “Groovy Kind Of Love” in The Reg was in here and did it again. Good work Sir. I wondered if I could go round pubs and do my “disturbing and entertaining” (as reviewed by Andy Jones) performance of “I Touch Myself”. Scar a few more people for life.

It was entertaining in here as welll. Highlight being a lads combo with the superb name 4 Man Orgy, which started as a duet then a 3rd man ran up and finally the 4th and they did a great rendition of ABBA’s “Winner Takes It All”

Talking of karaoke monikers, I’d like to meet a lady with the surname Zager so we could ask to do the classic “In The Year 2525” using just our family names. Just to amuse me and see if anyone gets the reference. Oh God, it’s now 2025. Only 500 years till we can all start singing “In The Year 2525” on New Years Day. That’s quite exciting.

Coop came over at the end again and thanked me for attending which was good. I took a steady stroll back up to The Walsall Arms for a night cap. There were leftovers on the bar from the midweek roasts. I grabbed a Yorkshire Pudding and at this late stage of the day officially postponed Samosa Wednesday.

A man I don’t know came up to the bar and tried the cauliflower cheese. He said it was really good and suggested that I try it. I explained that cauliflower is evil and none of it would be coming near me. He tried again. I like people with ambition but he wasn’t winning this one.

Cracking day. Not the booziest St George’s Day by a long way but still a nice day out. I woke up early the next day full of excitement for Samosa Thursday. Which did happen.