When You’re Hungry, And In Walsall…

Premier Diner. 86-87 Queen Street. Walsall. Reviewed 23/4/25

Queen Street. Once residential but now very much a business street, and where two of the 3 companies that I used to work for Corroy Products (power tools, building fixings) and Cardboard Boxes 2 Go (boxes, bubble wrap etc) face each other as if having some kind of stare out contest.

It was St George’s Day. That meant a good breakfast was required so I offered to shout food for Josh and Craig as it was a special occasion, if they’d join me.

This used to be Queen Street Tavern back in the day and I never ticked it off as a pub but did used to pop the WalsallAdvertiser in the porch when I was earning cash for football matches.

In it’s Queen Street Tavern days. Picture used with kind permission of the Gilbert Anson’s Black Country Safari Facebook page. A page with loads of old Walsall pub pics on. Well worth a gander.

I’ve only been in here once as a cafe and that was before Southampton (a) in 2011. The day Walsall FC completed the great escape against relegation from League One. At the time of this visit it felt like we were trying to complete the great escape against promotion to League One.

I went for large breakfast with no tomato or mushroom. Josh tried to do a create your own breakfast but found that that didn’t come with a hot drink so went for a set one, telling the lady to give me his two eggs. Craig also went for a set breakfast, telling the lady to give me his cuppa. It all felt a bit Multi Coloured Swap Shop but we got there in the end. It came to about £21 which I was more than happy with.

There was no music, and our conversation was very laddie so hope it couldn’t be overheard. The food came quickly, the waitress had never been asked to take a foodie group picture before but was fine with it.

Craig, Josh and me.

Food was really good and everyone was happy. The toilets looked like they were the same ones as when it was a pub. I enjoyed this visit. Great food and company. I walk past this place every morning on the way to work at The Manor Hospital but it’s not open that early, which is probably for the best really. Will revisit though.

Handmade toilet sign. I love this.

Fortune Cookie. 3 Hawes Close, Walsall. Reviewed 04/05/25.

When I moved out of my parents gaff in 1996, I moved into the flat above the chemist next door to this place with Paul and Cara. This was a car spares place in those days if I remember correctly. Not been in though since it became a takeaway and because it was a bank holiday Sunday and I wasn’t out drinking, I thought I’d take a nice stroll down here and reminisce a bit as I had to walk past some childhood haunts en route.

I don’t usually have starters at a Chinese but I was horrendously under budget on the weekend spend so opted to splash out with chicken wings in barbecue sauce (£5.60) and the usual favourite of sweet and sour king prawn balls (£7.10).

The place is nicely decorated and there are 4 chairs to wait on. No television though which I thought was a legal requirement for a Chinese takeaway. The food came quickly and the nice lady bade me a lovely evening as I left. I’d got Chinese takeaway so this was a given but a nice touch.

I power walked home whilst listening to a concert on Radio 2 of songs from shows that Elaine Paige has been in. I’ve changed.

Upon getting home I unpacked and found a free bag of prawn crackers. This gesture probably cost them pennies but my God it shot them into my good books. Yes it’s easy to get into those but also to get into my bad ones. During those two years of living next door I boycotted the one further along next to what was the Post Office (Hong Kong Delight if I remember rightly) for 18 months because I didn’t get a free calendar and the bloke behind me, who spent less did.

Anyway this food was ace. I may venture in again on the way home from Bescot Stadium next season.

Hungry Pigs Cafe. 183-`185 Wolverhampton Road West, Bentley, Walsall. Reviewed 6/4/25.

Not gonna lie, this was plan B. Plan A had its shutters up but upon getting close, had to let signs in the windows. Craig was like “we’ll have Wetherspoons breakfast instead.” No. The deal was we were doing a review. I love a Wetherspoons breakfast but that had not been in the brochure for this morning.

So we hit Bentley and pulled up outside. Not been here before but have gone past millions of times on the 529. We weren’t sure it was open to start with and just as I was pondering plan C, a man walked out so we marched in.

I am currently trying to shed some timber so decided to have just a large breakfast. Craig then asked for a bumper. Well I wasn’t being usurped by an out of townie so I joined him in bumper. These cost £11 each but didn’t come with a drink which was a bit odd. Craig paid but we did have £15 from winning The Walsall Arms quiz the night before to put towards this.

Decoration was sparse in here apart from the menu and a social distancing keep 2m apart sign (which we ignored) there wasn’t much in the one half and in the half we sat in it was just a sign advertising the Sunday opening hours.

Music was provided by Heart FM with the highlight being “Firework” by Katy Perry. The food came quickly and I asked the server to take a pic. He asked “is this a special occasion?” This really caught me off guard. I muttered something along the lines of it being my first visit and wanting a pictorial record. Not exactly a lie. In hindsight I should have said “I’m off work. Definitely a special occasion.”

Craig asked twice if I wanted mayonnaise. I had a Belgian grandmother and I love mayo but not on a full English. As I’d said no tomato or mushroom I got extra black pudding and an additional pot of beans which was nice. Craig had a pot of beans and one of tomatoes on his. This reminded me of an interview that Jamiroquai lead singer Jay Kay gave to Chris Moyles years ago and they talked breakfast. Jay was on about how things have to be eaten in order (sorry Josh if you’re reading) and that he doesn’t even like things touching on the plate. Summed up with the brilliant line “if any of the tomatoes goes into the beans, then that’s it. It’s all over.”

Craaaaaaags.

I liked this visit. Craig was a bit miffed by the lack of sauce bottles and sachets instead, and didn’t feel it was great value for money. There is no bathroom facilities here so if you’re coming off the M6 and bursting for a toilet, you will need to press on.

Lee Garden. 107 Stafford Street, Walsall. Reviewed 10/5/25

I was a regular here when I lived in Lewis Street, for 6 years. I’ve not however been in in the 9 years since I moved back to my rightful side of the town. I was talking to my mate John about takeaways and mentioned this place. I asked if I shouted him food, would he pick me up one night, take me there and bring me back home. He agreed. I was immediately excited. I needed no looking at the menu, I knew straight away what I was having.

It was my last Saturday as a 50 year old so seemed a good day to go. I did double check the menu and there it was. Extra large mixed curry. No 64 chicken and king prawn. John had announced beef Chow Mein on the way but on hearing of my choice he also went extra large curry but with chicken and beef. He kept the onions, peas and mushrooms in his though.

No television in here but there was a fish tank which makes a nice focal point. There was also poetry on the wall that wasn’t there in 2016. I tried to read it but it was slightly high for me.

We got back to my house and I got the big plates out that usually only get used when Josh comes for breakfast. We sat at the table and it was all very civilised. I demolished my curry. It was magnificent. John reported that his curry was “bostin” with “proper nice beef.” I was disappointed that we didn’t get free prawn crackers. I checked the menu later and they are provided on orders over the wonderfully random £19. We were £1.20 short. No moaning though. I respect cut off points.

Great visit this. Delivery is avaialbe for £2 on orders over £14. I’m keeping the menu close to hand

Kabels. Shaw Street, Walsall. Reviewed 14/05/25.

Not a first visit here. Been as Kabels 2 or 3 times and showed my face several times when it was Mickeys Steakaway. I was meeting Swill for a bite to eat before heading to The Light Cinema to watch Final Destination – Bloodlines (which was magnificent).

Swill has been a best mate of mine since primary school days but I rarely get to see him on just a me and him basis, so we had much to discuss and catch up on. The first time the waiter came I hadn’t even looked at the menu, and when I finally did it was only a glance as we were locked in discussions, and he was taking the piss which is standard. He always cracks me up.

I had 10oz sirloin (medium rare) and he had 10oz rump (medium well). I’m much chubbier than Swill so it was nice to finally be in the same weight division as him for some reason. You get two sides with these. I only had one which was chips and in truth I didn’t really want them. I’d come for steak and conversation.

No Pepsi Max here so I made do with the standard diet version while Swill tucked into bottles of Peroni. The food came quickly. My steak was ace but Swill said his was better on a previous visit but did say he’d had a different sort that time. I had some chips, and tried to give Swill the rest but he was having none of it. He was saving some room for a bottle of wine in the cinema.

Music was standard pop of differing ages. There was some Michael Jackson and Backstreet Boys amongst others. Waiter was friendly too and actually rescued me as I was standing outside, absolutely convinced I’d got there first as I was early but Swill was already upstairs and ready to order when I was finally led upstairs.

Another good visit this, made better by Swill paying as a birthday treat for me.

Inspired by the poems in Lee Garden, I thought I’d have a go. I’ve not written a poem since primary school and I think that will show. Pam Ayres isn’t going to be too worried but here goes. Ode To The Chinese Takeaway.

As a kid, I lived by Mr Yips. He was God like with his curry sauce and chips. It was magical opening that foil tray. I had to devour it all straight away.

I don’t do starters, just a main course. And I can’t be arsed with the soy sauce. Chicken curry, or king prawn fried rice. Although an hour later I could eat them twice.

Lee Garden do Banana Fritter. That’d wreck my hopes of getting fitter. I’ll stick with king prawn sweet and sour, my metabolism would clear them within an hour.

I love the cooking sounds, those clank clanks. I accept the food with big thanks. I’d rather have a kick in the knackers, than not get a bag of free prawn crackers.

Well Able To Eat On Ablewell Street.

Verona Pizza. 93 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 26/02/25.

This was Rooster Hut for years, then briefly Charleys and now it’s Verona Pizza. This visit wasn’t supposed to happen. I had belly draft in the fridge that I’d been looking forward to but coming out of work, Woza messaged and suggested meeting in The Fountain at 6. Well there was no time to go home was there? But I needed food.

I needed cash but I was so busy dreaming about pizza that I marched past TSB in my own little world, only realising when I was by The Registry. I was soon in the venue though armed with banknote.

I perused the men.The Special Verona Burger – steak house beef burger topped with fresh melted Cheddar cheese, with 2 chicken strips and 2 onion rings more than leaped out at me, but I was still dreaming about pizza. Some of the starters sound amazing like dough ball cheese, garlic bread with pepperoni and cheese with chilli cheese nuggets also catching my eye. Dips are available at the wonderfully random price of 39p each.

Of course we had to play the usual game of find a pizza without something shit on it. The Tasty Chicken pizza is listed as tandoori chicken and sweetcorn. Chicken yes please – sweetcorn can get in the bin. Yes I know I could order the pizza and ask for anything that I don’t like to be omitted but I just want to order, sit down and shut up. I do not want to enter into negotiations. I will never be accused of liking my own voice.

I went for an 8″ meat feast – ground beef, tandoori chicken, salami and ham. My days of ordering bigger pizzas are long gone sadly. This was £5.99 and I wondered if I would get the 1p coin amongst the change but the lad behind the counter was uo front asking for £6.

I surveyed the scene whilst waiting. There is a mind the step sign on the door which other places could learn a lot from. There is one table which was occupied by a couple and there was no music which was fine by me. It didn’t take long for my food to arrive and the couple vacated the table as it did so I sat facing out watching the world go by.

Pizza was great, but it was always going to be. I don’t think it’s possible to do bad pizza. Good visit this. Will be back and next time I’m having that burger whilst ploughing through the starters.

Golden Moments. 3 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 06/03/25

Long standing curry house and probably the only one in the town centre that has been there my whole adult life. I still refer to it as Golden Monsoon though as my mate and former Corroy Products colleague Carl called it that after drunkenly misreading the sign in the aftermath of my 21st birthday bash in 1995.

This was another unplanned visit. The previous night I’d had my tea late, seriously late due to a combination of my general disorganisation and a bit more of my general disorganisation. This time I had been at work all day and was now on the way home after a good workout in the gym and I spotted the buffet night menu in the window.

Suddenly I couldn’t be arsed to cook upon getting home and fuelled by the knowledge that it was a Council Tax free month, I headed in. I have been to these nights before, usually when meeting friends or on occasion when they have put the menu on Facebook and I see that white chicken tikka is one of the starter options. See, my favourite colour even influences my eating habits.

This time there there were things to try that I’d not had before so I was well up for it. I’d heard of Chicken Rogan Jush (always thought it was Josh though) but Chicken Surma I’d never heard of and a quick Google search didn’t help.

First visit up was low key. Poppadom with mint dip and 2 boiled eggs. Solid start. Then it was starters. Vegetable Pakora was somewhat vague. Veggies have never been friends of mine. What if it was cauliflower? Would I make it to the toilet before violently retching everywhere?

Paradise by the entrance light.

The Spice Wings were amazing and the Pakora? Epic. I know not what vegetable it was and I cared less. 3rd run involved more wings and pakora and the chicken curry dishes. The Rogan Jush was spicy and flavoursome and the Surma was nice but had to describe.

Run 2. Wings 3 Pakora 1.

I only had those three trips up. Old me would have gone up 4 or 5 times but I was content.

Another great visit this and the buffet nights are on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Well worth a visit.

Annie’s Sandwich & Grill. 82 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 14/03/25.

We should have been heading to Camden on this day for the start of a London weekend but that all fell through. I was off work so I ventured out for munchies. This was N.E Sandwich for years but is now called Annie’s.

There was a police van parked up across the road and as I perused the menu we were joined in the shop by an officer conducting enquiries. All very exciting and I’m very easily distracted but I was focused on food and opted for a bacon, sausage and egg baguette as I’d been good on the eating front all week. This cost £3.50 which is more than reasonable.

A lady was led across the road and put in the back of the van and then three police officers gave a man a frisking and talking to. The ladies behind the counter were giving a running commentary on the events which made it feel like I was watching The Bill on Gogglebox.

The baguette came quickly and it was delightful. We had some classic tunes on courtesy of Vernon Kay on Radio 2. I had no idea that he was on said station but I like a bit of knowledge with my breakfast so all good. Tunes were like Gala “Freed From Desire”, Olive “You’re Not Alone” and my favourite by The Tamperer. Did we ever find out what she’d look like with a chimney on her?

I gave the menu another gander. The roast pork sandwich sounded amazing and I pondered what they would say if I stayed and ordered that, as a second police vehicle had pulled up opposite and I wanted to stay and watch developments. However I departed. I said my goodbyes but also gestured across the road and thanked them for the entertainment. “We she have charged you extra for that.” came the response. Good visit this. A third police car turned up as I left.

Mi Amor. 89 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 20/04/25

There is a tradition in our family that dates back to about 23BC which is every Easter Sunday you venture out for breakfast. Eager to keep my forefathers and mothers happy I headed to this place that had reopened in the week following refurbishment.

My last time in this building was a very brief one while it was still King Balti. Craig and I sat down, ordered the usual pints of Carling only to be told it had gone unlicensed. So we marched out. I say we, it was me. Craig was protesting, “the waiter said we can get some cans from the petrol station.” I was like “no we can’t.”

Anyway so in I walked. The service was very friendly and smiley which was good. I perused the menu and opted for the full English but with no tomato or mushroom. You have the option of adding fish fingers for £1.50 which I dived on. They do a £34 sharing “Breakfast Tower” which when I finally meet a “lucky” lady, I’m treating her to.

Whilst waiting for the food I realised that I don’t know what Mi Amor means so I Googled it. It means my love. Duly noted for Breakfast Tower morning. Whilst on Google it also brought up other results including the place I was sitting in and also a bridal shop in Sutton Coldfield which I don’t I’ll have any call for.

Breakfast came quickly and yes it had two fish fingers on. I’ve since been taunted by friends for adding these on but I care not. There was also a bit of salad which was also a first for me on a breakfast.

The headphones were an Easter present to myself after my previous set broke months earlier.

The breakfast was great and I even ate the salad just cause I’d paid for it. Plus I was going straight to the gym so I figured I’d soon burn off that bit of radish. The latte with caramel syrup was also really good.

Music, I didn’t know what any of it was but there was nothing I didn’t take to so all good on front. Not sure what the total bill was. I paid with a £20 note and put the change in the tip jar.

Wishbone Pizza. 98-99 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed very late 21/04/25.

Craig posing outside Wishbone.

Craig and I had had a good bank holiday Easter Monday drinking and visited this very long standing venue late on. Normally he goes in and sorts food and I head across the road to order a taxi (back in the day we’d have piled into Zaf’s limo) and hope they come together. It’s a good system apart from one day when the taxi was ready straight away and Craig had to come running across the road, meat in hand. This time though I wanted in with him.

Me. Late. No filter.

Craig went for his usual mixed kebab meat and chips while I couldn’t be arsed with chips so went for a chicken tower burger. Can’t tell you prices as Craig paid (I always pay the taxi) so I posed in front of the menu so you can have some idea. I don’t need to go too in-depth into this. We’ve all been there millions of times. Will visit again, no doubt.

Chaii Dosa, 91-92 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 27/04/25.

To almost quote John Cleese at the start of the Cheese Shop sketch, I was sitting in the public Library when I suddenly came over all peckish. Ok, not strictly true. I was sitting in Katz but it’s near the Library.

This is situated in what was Balloons Wine Bar back in he day. I still remember my last visit there. It was with Swill back in 2013 when we were planning the Walsall Curry House Monopoly Board Challenge, which sadly petered out after 4 reviews. The blog is still live here if you want a revisit or didn’t know me then. On those reviews, Swill’s thoughts are first with mine underneath.

Anyway so Chaii Dosa is a vegetarian Desi street food venue. I don’t really do the vegetarian scene so this was a bit out of the usual comfort zone. Well up for it though.

Well it still feels like Balloons albeit without a drunken karaoke going on. Even the bar is still in place although it’s now unlicensed. The last orders bell remains and it got me wondering if it still gets sounded 10 minutes before chef clocks off causing a mass of Aloo Tikki Chat ordering.

I went for Paneer Pratha which are flat breads filled with Indian cheese and herbs. Thinking about it I don’t recall John Cleese asking for Paneer. He might have got lucky with that.

The music was standard for an Indian food place and it was relaxed with friendly service. The waiter even gave me his number and asked if I needed any gardening doing to give him a call. I think he;d be late for his next shift here if he started on my back garden.

Food was good, it was my first sample of Indian coffee (it didn’t have a name) and I had a a few of the cheesy chips to keep the dairy intake going. I can’t advise prices because I forgot to make a note of them because I;m a nob.

Nice place this, it’s not open on Mondays though if you fancy a visit.

Ablewell Fish Bar, 72 Ablewell Street, Walsall. Reviewed 12/05/25.

As Josh is forever having me round his house for food, I offered to buy a chippy tea for his whole family. Unfortunately his wife Lyndsey had to miss out due to having to get to work when the traffic so it was just me, Josh and his 3 kids that went.

This is a long standing, cash only chippy and Charlie who has owned it for years has recently sold up but still pops in for occasional shifts.

I was ravenous on arrival. I don’t have chips often nowadays so as a near birthday treat I had a small portion of them along with a large cod. Josh had kebab meat and chips, with chilli sauce and salad but requested no tomato. He’s been listening to my breakfast orders. I’m finally grinding him down. Fair play to him as he said to keep the cots down that the kids would share a cheesey chips. I also had a pot of gravy. Josh didn’t know that chip shop gravy was a thing.

The bil came to £22 and I’m guessing that most of that was my cod. We got back and sorted the food out. Now I try not to dabble with the 7 Deadly Sins but I will confess to a bit of Envy when I saw the kids cheesy chips.

Josh is fussy about fish and barely eats it but I let him try mine and he was happy with it, especially the batter. He was less sold on the gravy though. I absolutely demolished mine although I did give some chips away. Enjoyable visit this, especially as I don’t use it often nowadays. It’s not open Sundays though if yo’re pondering popping in..

That’s it for this edition then. Fans of Pizza 2000, if you’re wondering where your favourite place’s review is, then fret not. I did it last year ago and you can catch it here.

When Football Kicks You In The Nads, It’s With Steel Toe Capped Boots On.

Crewe (a) – last game of the season – we’d thought this was going to be a big party, and there was still a slight chance it could be. This day had caused me some issues: a month before the fixtures came out, I was invited to a wedding and had to click “Accept” by a deadline. I did so with three wishes in mind: A. don’t be last game of the season, B. don’t be Crewe (a) and C. don’t be in with a chance of promotion on that day. Of course, all three came in, although C now looked somewhat unlikely. In January I withdrew from that wedding, explaining the likely good times happening at Crewe and that it was my bezzie mate’s birthday. I was granted leave. To further cloud the issue, a great mate then invited me to his wedding evening event on the same day. I’ve not yet truly mastered the art of being in one place at once, let alone three. So there was two happy couples thinking I was a twat that day.

So it was the last day of the season, there was still a chance of promotion (albeit needing snookers), and we needed to better Bradford’s result to go up automatically. Josh had a pass from his wife Lyndsey for his birthday out on the lash. We were meeting at Jack and Ada’s, a cafe Josh had never ticked off. I was slightly late leaving the house due to my ancient PC, for some reason, stopped me going to the checkout on the Trainline website. After five minutes of trying, I gave up and had to do it on my phone, which was a major faff.

To save time, I didn’t bother ironing my top so apologies for the lack of song choice in this edition. I went all black in my outer clothes. I don’t like wearing black but it seemed kind of fitting with how we’d blown automatic promotion. It felt a bit Amy Winehouse. Ok Port Vale, you go back to League 1 and I’ll go back to, I’ll go back to blaaaaaack.

I headed into town and entertainment was provided en route in the form of a man kicking chairs over outside Gregg’s. He walked off shouting something in a language I didn’t know. I just hoped that this wasn’t going to be the only attacking intent from a Walsall perspective I was going to see all day. Josh was already at Jack and Ada’s – it was already busy and I reckon 95% of the customers were heading to Crewe. I shouted Josh a full English as it was his birthday and we were soon tucking in. As you know from previous editions, I eat my food in strict order which really pisses Josh off but this time, due to trains being imminent, I ate it in a haphazard fashion and Josh was very proud of me. Josh eats his food as if somebody will take it off him in a minute, but for once, I upped my pace and wasn’t too far behind him in finishing.

Josh takes a great picture of me – I’ve got to give him that.

On the way to the railway station we entered Butler’s Passage. I commented that it was named after former Walsall FC favourite Martin Butler. I think Josh actually believed it for a split second. In hindsight I should have said Andy Butler. Would have been so much more plausible.

We were soon on the train and had to change at Rugeley Trent Valley; a train already full of Ipswich and Stevenage fans was now boosted with an impressive number of Saddlers. The Stevenage fans were in good voice with an array of songs including an entertaining one about Luton’s double relegation. I received a chant of “Oooh Michael Van Gerwen” which is always hilarious. It was funny the first time I heard it in 2015.

Saddlers at Crewe station.

We were at the Cheshire Inn in Crewe just after 11 and it was already bouncing. The DJ had anthems lined up and I don’t know if he’s aware of Walsall FC’s songs but they seemed tailor made for us with “One Step Beyond” and “She Wore a Yellow Ribbon” – two of our anthems getting more than one airing. At one point the music cut out and a Saddler took the mic to belt out our own terrace chants. Lots of people I knew were in there and a few others came up to me saying they read the blog. Hello to the lad who reads this on a Sunday morning on the loo – apologies that this edition has been discharged on a Saturday. Hope I haven’t missed this morning’s movement.

We were joined later on by Mase, Swill, John, Kimbo, Amber and JB. As the clock ticked to two, the DJ went full on indie disco, treating us to Pigeon Detectives, The Courteeners and the absolute classic by The Enemy – “We’ll Live and Die in These Towns”, which Mase, John, Kimbo and I gave absolute portions to. We also had “Twist and Shout” which is my favourite Beatles song, although I only found out recently that is not a Beatles original – hello Craig if you’re reading. The most random song at this hour was a bit of classic ABBA; the sight of hardened Walsall fans belting out “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)” was something to behold. After 4 tremendous hours in the pub, we headed to Gresty Road. I’m on antibiotics and had no booze – yes, you read that rightly: Crewe (a), a vitally important match and I was doing it stone-cold sober. As you know, the rule is never watch Walsall sober.

Me, Josh and Swill. Two of my absolute best mates.

We got to the ground and were in the little stand behind the goal, having been in the second wave of tickets. The match started and soon we were treated to the sight of white smoke coming from behind the home end. Someone behind us cheered and shouted, “They’ve picked the new Pope”. I hoped this wasn’t the only thing we’d get to cheer today. My pre-match prediction was that Bradford would be 5-0 up before we got a corner. Both games were 0-0 at half time. Oh my god – we were still in this. It’s the hope that kills you.

Shot of the normal away stand. Naturally, I had to get in the shot, albeit unknowingly.

Mid-way through the second half, the beautiful moment arrived: George Hall scored in front of our end, limbs everywhere, Josh jumped on me nearly putting me in the row behind; it was truly joyous. As it stood, we were third in the table and in that final automatic promotion spot. Time actually went quickly for once, which isn’t normally the case when we are winning. I was trying not to clock-watch and the board didn’t go up, but someone behind me announced we were two minutes into stoppage time. It was still 0-0 at Bradford – we knew this as we had a female Jeff Stelling behind us telling us everything. Another minute passed – me and Josh were arm in arm, we’ve been mate for fifteen years and have never had a promotion to celebrate yet. We were daring to dream.

All of a sudden I heard a voice behind me say, “Bradford have scored.” I hoped it wasn’t true, but then the Crewe fans erupted into cheers. Apparently Bradford had scored with the last kick of the game – a wicked deflection past a stranded keeper into the corner. Totally gutting. We were seconds from promotion and it was gone, just like that. Home fans celebrating just shovelled Salt into the wound. I’ve not seen us win at Crewe in twenty five years but I walked out the ground as devastated as that 5-1 play-off defeat in 1993. On the way out of the ground, I was offered three or four viewings of the Bradford goal, but frankly I did not want to see it.

A minute before disaster struck.

We missed out on promotion by a point which is gutting considering how many we have thrown away as of late. Bescot Crescent must be overrun with fly tipped points. I know we’ve been shit these past three months and have only ourselves to blame. The football gods kept smiling on us in this run with favourable results elsewhere but quite a few times, it was as if the good luck gods had closed our account with some of the incidents in our games. Future historians will look back at 24/25 as the Walsall FC – what the fuck was that? season.

The Cheshire Inn was closed after the game – we ended up in the British Lion which was subdued but soon perked up. It was Josh, Amber, JB and me, and soon joined by other Saddlers. The first song that came on was “Build Me Up Buttercup” – Josh said this should be a Walsall FC song – “why do you build me up, just to let me down?” I pondered what might be next on the jukebox – maybe “Didn’t We Almost Have It All”, or “Close, But No Cigar”?

Josh disappeared as he had to get back for a birthday dinner with Mrs Josh. To be fair, the plan was to go back with him, but his role as time monitor (which I appointed him) went wrong as he gave us just twelve minutes to make the train, which was never happening in my world.

I caught the next train, headed straight home and sulked. I’m 51 this week and shouldn’t let football bother me, but my god, it fucking still does at times. Bring on the play-offs. UTS.

Perfecto Allstarz But Not Many Walsall FC Stars Against Accrington.

It was the last home game of the league season – Accrington Stanley. You Tube was just doing its thing and I was happy for it to choose the music. It knows my tastes and guilty pleasures. So my shirt ironing song today was “You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain. Absolutely brilliant track and when I meet Mrs Right, if we’re together after a year or so it’s definitely going to be our song.

I needed breakfast to start with so met John Heighway in The Walsall Arms. Usual host Jodi was this time on cooking duties so landlady Jaz was on front of house.

Breakfast was quick in arriving. Jodi did her usual trick of asking if it was alright, while I had a mouthful. I swallowed and confirmed that it was but that the acid test was the bacon which I’d eat last. I can confirm the bacon was good. Jaz was on good form with the banter. She told me she was off to a cheese and wine festival on the afternoon. I said “that sounds amazing. I’m actually jealous. If the match is shit, please send a taxi to pick me up and I’ll join you.”

We stayed for a second cup of tea; Jodi’s young daughter Frankie offered John some pizza. The pizza slices turned out to be Carling beer mats. “Carling pizza?” he queried. Now that’s an invention that needs inventing. Deep pan, tomato sauce, mozzarella, tandoori chicken, pepperoni, beef and a splash of Carling on top to garnish. Wishbone, if you’re reading you can have that. If not, John and I will be on Dragons Den next year. We departed. A good start to the day.

I went home and fannied around a bit, leaving it to the last second to leave the house. Standard. I took a stroll whilst monitoring the Bradford score. Kids, never check the Bradford score whilst crossing the road. It’s illegal and definitely not in The Green Cross Code. Anyway, Bradford lost, automatic promotion was back in our own hands. I put my phone away and starting concentrating on where I was going.

It was about a minute to kick off when I reached the ground if you’re wondering why the outside is deserted in the picture. Well, not quite deserted. My mate Gaz was about and jumped into the picture which I didn’t mind.

I was soon in the ground. Josh was in block 6 which is my usual one so I joined him. I glanced up to the back row where my season ticket is and I wasn’t getting near it. I don’t actually know where my season ticket seat is. Never sat in it. I just know it’s the back row.

We started brightly, hit the wood work twice. Then Accrington scored a worldy against the run of play and we faded. We stayed in the bar after half time and watched in there even though I wasn’t drinking at this point. It was utter shit. I know I’m not going to get a sports reporting job for Radio 5 Live with a summary like that but there’s just no other way of putting it. I almost went round the front to see if a taxi was waiting to take me to the cheese and wine festival.

We went out for the final whistle and soon the dismal showing was over. The team were booed off and there very loud calls for the manager to be sacked. It was pretty toxic. We’d qualified for the play offs but having thrown away automatic promotion that looked nailed on in January was not going down well. It was now out of our hands with the final day fixtures heavily in Bradford’s favour.

We ambled round the front. Josh and his son George went in the club shop and I waited outside. Whilst there, I noticed they stopped letting people in. It wasn’t even 5.15 so it seemed a bit premature. I only saw a couple of people try to go in but that’s not the point. They could have spent a couple of hundred quid, especially as there was a 40% sale on. My mate Asps says that the problem with Walsall FC is that we’ve never had a player called Sodje like most clubs have. The money they could’ve spent may have gone towards a Summer Sodje signing.

There were a few angry folk loitering outside the main reception and the doors were being guarded by police and stewards. We ambled in The Locker. It seems like 5 minutes ago this place was rocking post match to chants of “we are top of the league” and “we are going up”. This time though the DJ was playing Perfecto Allstarz “Reach Up (Pappa’s Got A Brand New Pigbag)” and everyone was chanting along to the chorus “duh-duh-duh-duh fuck-ing useless”, and I think they meant it.

It was very busy in there and I was in no rush for beer as the queues were lengthy,so I just loitered and chatted. I also took this opportunity to go on Facebook Dating for the first time all day. I’d had a like from a lady called Annabel in Telford. The profile pic was just of a plant – not sure if it was a Triffid or not. Normally if there isn’t a photo of an actual person on the profile I class that as an automatic red flag and I disregard, even though I’m not over run with likes on there. This time though I saw that she likes the song “Gravity” by Embrace, which I love. So I thought I’d message including a reference to the song. I was talking to Josh whilst typing and it was only as I was about to press send that I saw that auto correct had changed Annabel to Anna below. Bit preemptive I thought so I changed it and pressed send. She didn’t reply.

Even a hug off Josh, and finally getting a pint wasn’t cheering me up after that match.

People were checking on what was happening outside reception. On my turn I returned and reported to Josh, “they are attacking the Accrington team coach.” Josh was like “whaaaat?” I then confessed that I’d made it up to keep him interested.

Pezza suggested we move on, as the mood in The Locker wasn’t good. So him, Laura and their kids, Bella and Albie, along with myself, my Niece Amber with her daughter Frankie and JB all headed to Katz. We’d just missed The New York Times who had been in taking pictures and talking to customers as Katz now stocks NoFo beers, an American partner company of Walsall FC. I was disappointed to have missed them as I would have made it all about me. I don’t know if the New York Times has a page 7 fella like The Sun used to but I reckon I’d have been a shoe in for it.

There was lots of fellow Saddlers in Katz and it was rammed but the mood was far better than in The Locker. The old “don’t let Walsall FC ruin the day” rule had clearly kicked in. Another Saddler in the form of local singer Kevin Ruby-Astin was doing a set and smashing it again.

Kevin Ruby-Astin. Top bloke.

It was so busy inside we had to sit outside which didn’t bother us. The conversation was varied. The week before I’d given Laura a tenner and told her to get the kids Easter eggs. She fessed up here that they actually used the money to buy the kids a Danny’s Chicken takeaway. Needless to say I thoroughly approved of this. Remember though, Danny’s Chicken is for life, not just for Easter.

We were joined outside by Swill, Mase and Martin. It was good to see them and as per normal, Swill’s made the night somewhat more random, although Laura added to this with a discussion where she had mixed up my mates Craig and Panda and it took several minutes of probing to work out what she was actually asking. We got there in the end.

Swill never wears red. This needed photographic evidence.

I finally made it into the front bar for a NoFo pint and picture opportunity. Free pizza slices and warm samosas were provided which went down a storm. Slowly the group started to dwindle until I was the last one. I popped inside to see what was occurring. I’d briefly met Nick from NoFo outside The Locker earlier and had a quick chat. He was now back in Katz with Jase the landlord so we had another quick discussion.

Cowboy’s Payday. Nice drop.
Nick from NoFo.

Kevin was doing a belting rendition of “Red Light Spells Danger” so I watched that then departed. I popped in Walsall Arms but only had one. The singer was really good in here as well but I decided to catch Danny’s before it shut. If it’s good enough for Albie and Bella, it’s good enough for me. Class day apart from between 3 and 5, but hey. We are more than used to that scenario.

Samosa Wednesday Didn’t Happen, But Beers For St George Occurred.

23rd of April was St George’s Day, although some people are saying it happens on the 28th this year due to Easter being late but I didn’t really understand that. Anyway, so back to the 23rd and I was off work for it yet again.

I got up around 6.30 made a cuppa and went back to bed to listen to Scott Mills on Radio 2. All the Absolute stations have now disappeared off my DAB radio as did Radio X a few years back, moving to DAB+ for a “crisper clearer sound.” I’m from the 1970’s and there was noting wrong with the sound on medium wave if you ask me. Anyway this was my first time listening to Mills on 2. It was good to be fair.

I have a rule that I only play English music on St George’s Day so my getting ready songs of choice this time were “Pandora’s Box by OMD as it popped in my head on the walk home from work the previous week and I’d been playing it lots since. This was followed up with “Dragging Me Down” by Inspiral Carpets because it’s magnificent and then Norgaard by The Vaccines as it was one of the albeit very few answers that I’d provided as Craig and I won the quiz at The Registry the night before.

I got up for the second time at 9.30, summonsed Craig from the spare room and awaited Josh. I’d offered to shout them both breakfast if they joined me on a review. Soon we were heading to Premier Diner on Queen Street. I’ll do a proper review in a future edition but the food was good and the conversation quickly became very laddie. I’d blame Josh for this nut I think I certainly helped steer it in that direction.

So my general plan was eat, then head to Hargun’s in Caldmore for Samosa Wednesday purchases. Samosa Wednesday is a newly established tradition in my house and I now get a lovely smile from the lady as I walk in so I think she’s clocked the pattern emerging. Then I was going to head into town about 4pm for a small amount of alcohol. Needless to say, things didn’t go to plan.

Whilst in Premier Diner I had a message from Jaz the landlady of The Walsall Arms asking if I knew where she could get some England flags. I replied that I’d got a couple and could drop them in. Craig went back to Coventry then Josh and I headed to The Arms getting there bang on midday. Jaz gave Josh the job of flag erection which was fine with me. I grabbed an early beer as I was there. Jaz joined in to help Josh so I just sat there supping. Standard for St George’s Day.

The flag raising wasn’t quite as slick as an Olympic medal ceremony.
Flag up, let’s pose.

Josh disappeared to do family stuff and I opted for one more, then Harguns then home for a bit. Did this happen? No. The newly formed plan c ended up staying in the arms for a couple of hours then wandering down to Katz.

Katz.

Jase the landlord was on in Katz which was good. I grabbed a Wainwrights, but because the tv was showing snooker, I moved away and sat at the back as I didn’t people thinking I was interested in that. The music was really good in here and I had a peruse at Facebook Dating as I hadn’t had chance the past few days. I had a call from Josh with good news that more tickets for our final league match at Crewe had been released and that he’d go down there early the next day to try and get us one. And he did. What a top lad he is.

From there I headed to The Registry as I still had some free pint vouchers from winning the quiz the night before. It was busy in here and the karaoke was very entertaining. Legendary Walsall fan Leachie was in so it was good to see him. Song of the afternoon in here was a performance of “A Groovy Kind Of Love”.

I saw DJ Daymo who was on duty and had hosted the previous nights quiz. “Have you used your free pint vouchers yet?” he asked. I confirmed a couple still remained. He laughed and said “I knew they wouldn’t last you long.” Knows me well.

Me and Daymo.

I opted for another pint as it was free and also some food. The Reg has recently launched a new menu but I was all over the 3 starters for £12. I went 6 chicken wings (£6.50) chicken goujons (£6.25) and crispy coated prawns (£7). Food came quickly and it was really good with a special nod to the prawns.

I left and I could hear karaoke emanating from The Tap & Tanner and as the place is still in my good books after the Easter Monday session I headed in. I got served straight away again and Coop was back on the karaoke hosting. The lad who did “Groovy Kind Of Love” in The Reg was in here and did it again. Good work Sir. I wondered if I could go round pubs and do my “disturbing and entertaining” (as reviewed by Andy Jones) performance of “I Touch Myself”. Scar a few more people for life.

Not gonna lie, I’m using the same picture from the Easter Monday blog.

It was entertaining in here as welll. Highlight being a lads combo with the superb name 4 Man Orgy, which started as a duet then a 3rd man ran up and finally the 4th and they did a great rendition of ABBA’s “Winner Takes It All”

Talking of karaoke monikers, I’d like to meet a lady with the surname Zager so we could ask to do the classic “In The Year 2525” using just our family names. Just to amuse me and see if anyone gets the reference. Oh God, it’s now 2025. Only 500 years till we can all start singing “In The Year 2525” on New Years Day. That’s quite exciting.

Coop came over at the end again and thanked me for attending which was good. I took a steady stroll back up to The Walsall Arms for a night cap. There were leftovers on the bar from the midweek roasts. I grabbed a Yorkshire Pudding and at this late stage of the day officially postponed Samosa Wednesday.

A man I don’t know came up to the bar and tried the cauliflower cheese. He said it was really good and suggested that I try it. I explained that cauliflower is evil and none of it would be coming near me. He tried again. I like people with ambition but he wasn’t winning this one.

Cracking day. Not the booziest St George’s Day by a long way but still a nice day out. I woke up early the next day full of excitement for Samosa Thursday. Which did happen.

Easter Monday Eating, Drinking And Singing.

Easter Monday and Walsall FC had another one of those annoying 12.30 kick offs. I knew lots of people who had gone to Newport but I was watching it in Katz. My t-shirt ironing song of choice on this occasion was “Dance Away” by Roxy Music. I was 5 when it came out but loved it straight away and it remains a favourite of mine and I play it regularly. The line “you’re dressed to kill and guess who’s dying” meant nothing to me as a kid but I’m totally understanding of it nowadays.

I recently got an air fryer. Actually that’s not strictly true. I got it in 2020 but it took until 3 months ago for me to get it out of it’s box in the Living Room where it had resided ever since. I’m now obsessed with this device and I’ve been nagging Josh to come round for a breakfast cooked in it. He’s always having me round his for food so I like to try and repay the compliment. He rang me at 10.50 “geezer can I take you up on the air fryer breakfast offer?” He then explained that he had to get the kids dressed and two of them dropped off somewhere. I did wonder if he knew it was a 12.30 kick off. His arrival was to be further delayed as I mentioned I had no bacon so he said he’d grab some one en route.

One of the first times I did Josh brekkie, he completely threw me with the simple and seemingly innocuous request for a slice of toast. For some reason this stressed me out and I dropped a bowl of baked beans all over the work surface which was followed up by a barrage of f words that Gordon Ramsey would have been proud of. He came in, surveyed the scene and simply said “remind me to never tell you a secret. You’ll spill the beans.” Which made me laugh.

Happy to say that this time there was no such incident and I only had to apologise for the delay (I need a 2 drawer air fryer me thinks) and the ponceyness level of the bread for his toast. (Kingsmill Multi-seed). Anyway breakfast for me, Josh and his son George were rustled up with no fuss and Craig who had now turned up got some leftovers so everyone was happy.

It takes me forever to eat so we missed kick off but were soon in Katz. The performance was a bit cack but it looked like we had scored in injury time and the scenes in Katz were epic. We were all dancing around, me and Josh were hugging and yelling. It’s been that long since we’ve had a winner to celebrate. Then it was disallowed for handball. The replay showed it was the correct call but my God it was gutting. The mood just went flat.

Craig posing at Katz.

Josh and his son departed and we put our coats on too. Then decided to stay for one more. We retreated to a back table, finished up and opted to move on. The on came The Kooks “She Moves In Her Own Way.” I said to Craig, “why does a great song come on when you’re about to leave?” It was to be fair the best song that had come on post match but we’d already postponed our departure once so we departed and marched off to the Black Country Arms.

Craig loves a photo opportunity. I’ve trained him well.

In here we took our usual table on the balcony. On a previous visit I’d mentioned the availability of the cheese, onion and black pudding cob. Craig had no idea that this combination of filling was a thing, so this time I purchased one so he could see for himself. I had no intention of eating it, it was bought just for show and tell purposes. 10 minutes later I caved in and gobbled it down like I hadn’t eaten in a week.

After a couple of beers we were readying ourselves to move onto The Red Lion as it is always lively in there of a Monday afternoon. I then got a message from Swill asking where we were. I told him our plans and he messaged back saying he was just getting back from Newport and that him and Dean Neville were going to The Tap And Tanner for one. I barely go in that pub anymore as I’ve had issues getting served before but we said we’d also pop along for one.

Karaoke was on in The Tap. First discussion with Dean was about our appearance on the tv show Do I Not Know That? This was how I first met him and somebody had asked about it in Katz the day before. We were both happy that people still remember us being on that despite it being over two decades ago.

Swill asked if I was singing anything, and I replied in the negative. He went for a chat with the karaoke man and immediately Backstreet Boys “Backstreet’s back” was on the screen with performed by Evo below it. Oh right, I am singing then. I’d done this song the night before in The Walsall Arms and it went down a storm but I wasn’t feeling it this time so it was a bit flat but I still enjoyed it. I also did McFly “Obviously”, putting a bit more feeling in that one.

We saw the song “Camouflage” come up on the screen. I asked Craig, “is this the song I think it is? 80’s one hit wonder?” He couldn’t think of another with that title. I said “this is the most random karaoke choice I’ve ever known”. The bloke did a great job of it and I had arms in the air joining in the chorus. Great choice fella.

Swill was now in full on Swill mode. He had been dancing around for a good 45 minutes and he rejoined us, just as a bloke I think was called Disco Dave sat at the table next to him. He then then produces a stone fox, and a half pint of water. He thinks dips his fingers in the water and flicks it over the fox. I think Swill got some too. The randomness levels were creeping up.

The DJ who I think was called Coop then played “Red Red Wine” by UB40, so I stuck my fingers in my ears and he caught me. He put his fingers in his ears and gave me a puzzled look. I mouthed “this is shit” and hoped he’d understand. He soon changed it and on came “Red Light Spells Danger” which his a joint Deano and I anthem so we were both up dancing to this. As was Swill having posed for a picture with the fox and was now showing his moves like Jagger again. Deano represented our table with a great performance of “The Wonder Of You.”

Swill with the fox.
Gew on Deano.

There was a great rendition of “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” from Dirty Dancing. Swill wanted lifting up like in the film during this. I got the nod. “I’ll put my back out” I protested. Deano said “you’ll be alright Evo, you work at The Manor. You’ll get priority in A&E.” I was like “I don’t think it works like that. I might not risk it.”

Someone sang “Losing My Religion” by REM, which was my first ever karaoke song, back in the day at The Fullbrook. I was up dancing to this one and the bloke did a great job of it. Swill announced he was getting a round in just as a lass got up for Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.” He asked for help carrying it and again I got the nod but now I was far too busy singing loudly and doing very vigorous air piano. Craig helped him.

Coop played a a reggae kind of more upbeat version of “The Living Years” by Mike And The Mechanics which really threw Craig and I. Not really sure why a cheerier version of a song about the narrators dad dying was needed. More randomness. The last song to be played was “Right Beside You” by Sophie B. Hawkins, which regular readers will know is an absolute favourite of mine. Coop came over and shook our hands and thanked us for coming which was a really nice touch.

It was Swill’s home time. His last actions were to give me a ham cob that had been to Newport and back then departed with a “fuck off the lot of you” to us which made us laugh.

Not gonna lie. Not sure how it panned out from here. Don’t think we stayed much longer but the popping in for one must have been a 5 hour jobbie. It was brilliant in there. I got served straight away and I think I got my love for the place back.

Craig and I departed and headed to Wishbone, then got a taxi back to mine. I wanted Heart 00’s on but my mouth asked Alexa for Absolute 90’s. I was just glad she could still understand me. I knew it wasn’t Heart 00’s when Pulp’s “Sorted For E’s & Wizz” came on. We chatted our usual nonsense for a while then called it a night. Superb day with great friends.

Save Walsall Leather Museum.

Apologies that the blog has been quiet the last couple of weeks or so but thanks to all the responses to thew last edition about Fellows Park. Good to know that there is still a lot of love for the proper home of Walsall FC. If you missed it, you can catch it here

Reports have surfaced on local Facebook groups of late saying that Walsall Leather Museum is under threat again with the neighbouring college wanting to buy the building to flatten it to extend their premises. I don’t know if it’s true or not but why would anyone make this up? I’ll admit I’ve only ever been once but on these posts were a list of events this week and one was make your own clay Easter bunny. I thought this might be fun for Josh’s kids so I mentioned it to him. I fessed up that I wanted to create clay goodness in rabbit form also. He’d never been so was up for it.

This morning Josh called me, then turned up and whisked me off to his to provide breakfast then myself, him and his eldest daughter Maizie headed there.

The museum was opened in 1988 by Princess Anne and has been a popular tourist attraction ever since. We arrived and headed straight through to the exhibits. In the first part I explained to Josh the phrase “I’ve not got a pot to piss in” came from the leather industry as urine used to be used in the production and people would sell it to the manufactures but the poor couldn’t as they hadn’t a pot to piss in. I don’t think he believed it and to be fair it may be rubbish but somebody told it me in the pub once, and like I said earlier why would you make that up?

The museum is set up as display cabinets and actual workshop recreations, the best of the former being the Walsall FC one featuring the actual matchball from our best ever FA Cup victory against Arsenal in 1933.

We headed downstairs and paid up for the bunny making activity and also grabbed drinks. Two coffee’s and a Pepsi Max came out at £2.80. Well, I’m pretty sure it was £2.80. I can’t quite remember and I wasn’t really paying attention to be perfectly honest. I was thinking of a name for my creation and came up with Dougie Bunny just as my change was being handed back to me.

We went into the craft room which was very busy. Initially just Maizie was given a lump of clay, me and Josh exchanged glances, he read my mind yet again and went up and asked questions and soon we all had clay.

Maizie started on her bunny and Josh created a clay WFC, which as far as I was concerned was good enough for The Turner Award. My start was delayed as I was looking around on the off chance that there might be a pottery wheel and wondering if any of the ladies would be up for recreating the scene from Ghost. I had Unchained Melody in my head as I started work on Dougie Bunny. It felt like something out of The Generation Game with both me and Maizie making bunnies out of clay. I would have liked to have heard Bruce Forsyth’s comments on my work. Dougie in truth looked more like a snowman with big ears. In rabbit terms he was more akin to the one out of Donnie Darko or maybe Watership Down than the elegance of the Cadbury Caramel one. Maizie’s looked good though and I think her points would have got us through to the final.

Dougie.

Josh rushed off to get the car and Maizie wrapped up our models. By the time we got to the car though she reported that one of Dougie’s ears had fallen off. Typical. I’d created something that was going to be out injured a lot.

This was a great visit though. Josh and I have been mates for 15 years and don’t do cultural stuff like this, so it was a nice change. The Leather Museum is a great place to visit and free to enter. It’s future is unclear so please support if you can.

They Paved Paradise And Put Up A Parking Lot (And Morrisons). A Tribute To Fellows Park.

Last week somebody shared a status update I did in 2017 listing 30 things that I miss in Walsall, to the Brownhills Bob Facebook group. I hadn’t seen the list since posting it. Needless to say Fellows Park was number 1. Fellows Park was the home ground of Walsall FC from 1896 until 1990, and as we approach Bescot Stadium’s 35th birthday I thought it was high time I shared some thoughts and memories of the old place. Or “the proper ground” as former player and Manage Alan Buckley repeatedly referred to it as at a long awaited guest appearance a few years back.

At this point I have a few skeletons in the closet to unleash. I didn’t get into football until the 1986 World Cup, so missed all of the Alan Buckley goodness. My first two football matches, despite me already deciding that I was a Walsall fan were actually at The Hawthorns in 1986. My then next door neighbour had the job of recording the games for them and a couple of times his normal helper couldn’t go so I helped set up the camera and carry stuff. I didn’t go to a Walsall game until 1987.

My actual first visit to Fellows Park was a guided tour with the primary school around 1983-4 at a guess. I don’t recall this. It did nothing for me, and like most school day memories has been completely expunged from my memory. I only know of it because it made the Walsall Advertiser and on the group photo I was on the far right, not front and centre like I position myself nowadays. It’s only because my mom kept the picture out of the paper in a phto album that I recall it. The picture that is not the tour.

The view from the railway bridge.

So my first match was the big FA Cup 4th round tie against Birmingham City. Glory hunter, I know yeah. Swill asked if I wanted to go and it’s fair to say I didn’t need asking twice. We went in what was called the popular side, near to the players passageway from the dressing room. No tunnels in those days. We were stood by a lively old lady who we got to know over time and found out she was legendary Saddlers fan Kitty Lyons. Anyway, walking into Fellows Park on a match day that first time was amazing. Looking over to the bursting Hillary Street End and hearing the noise coming out of it was epic. I knew there and then I wanted to be coming here for the rest of my life. I got just over 3 years but you get the drift.

We won that day, beating a bigger neighbouring club from a higher division in a bit of a grudge match as we had been primed to be moved out of our ground and into sharing Birmingham’s just a year or so earlier. My next match was a defeat against Wigan Athletic. I must have got a taste for losing to those that day as we have done it regularly ever since.

I only went twice that first season. But this was it. I was now a Saddler for life. I wanted a replica kit. I wanted a programme from every game. I wanted to win the “10 pence on the ball” draw. I wanted all of the players autographs. We used to get there as the turnstiles opened so could watch the players warm up and the first time I was brave enough to call a player over for his scribble it was top scorer David Kelly. I handed him my autograph book and asked nicely. “Where’s your pen?” he asked. I hadn’t thought of that. I’d just assumed he’d have one on him. Probably the first embarrassing moment of my life. I was armed with two pens the next home game and got it then.

I was so much more of a regular the following season. The promotion season. Glory hunter I know yeah. This would be my first taste of midweek games, starting with a League Cup (then sponsored by Littlewoods) first round. 2nd leg tie against West Bromwich Albion. We’d already won the first leg away 3-2 and a 0-0 draw that night saw us through.

A big change came in the November of 87, as Swill and I moved into the Hillary Street End. Coming through the turnstiles, walking up those steps and then the ground just opening up in front of you was spine tingling, that first time and all the times afterwards. I never tired of that initial walk up the steps. Our first game in here was another Tuesday night cup tie. This one an FA Cup 1st round replay against Southend. We won that one 2-1 with two penalties from Paul Jones, and it was great being a Streetender and joining in the chants. A totally different experience from on the side.

Those steps to the Street End.
The view from the top of the steps.

By now, Swill and I had totally got the bug and looked for any excuse to attend Fellows Park. Reserve games, charity matches, schools finals the lot. One charity match involved two teams. not Walsall FC related but our current goalkeeper Fred Barber, probably my first Saddlers hero was named as sub for one of the teams and he came on in the second half as a striker and scored and it was brilliant to watch.

Reserve games were great too as you could go anywhere in the ground. Sometimes we’d sit in the main stand, as we couldn’t afford to for first team games, mingling with first team players and local journalists. Most times though we’d stand on the Street End. Swill started bringing his school friends and I became mates with them all but mostly Steve Stuart who remains a mate to this day.

Memorable games that first full season of attending that spring to mind were a 5-2 win against Rotherham, with Nicky Cross scoring a hat-trick before being substituted to his absolute disgust . which led to his departure shortly afterwards. This was the first season of two substitutes and his replacement that day was future legend Chris Marsh from the youth team making his first senior appearance with the novel number 14 shirt on. He “scored” with his first touch only for the effort to be disallowed.

I took a camera to a couple of games that first season. Had to get a shot of Freddie Barber. Andy Dornan who loved also.

Other games at home that spring to mind that season were a 2-1 win over Doncaster as the club celebrated our 100th birthday and the next one was a crucial win by the same score against promotion rivals Notts County. The home draw in the second leg of the play off semi final against Notts was absolutely joyous as we won 3-1 on aggregate.

Another one of my shots. Kenny Mower and Mark Goodwin with a short corner routine.

I was late getting up when the tickets went on sale for the second leg of the play off final, and the queue was massive when I arrived. I got the prize ticket and just as I got to the road a wedding car pulled up. A newly married couple were stopping off to get tickets. A photographer from a local paper was nearby and he clocked an opportunity. I was asked if they could borrow my ticket for a picture. I stared anxiously at my ticket throughout and must have looked so relieved when it was handed back as I got comments. Someone remarked I should have insisted on being in the picture. Nowadays I’d be standing right next to the bride. It made the paper and was a great shot.

The 2-0 home defeat in the second leg of the play off final against Bristol City after a 3-1 win away in he first was a shock but we won the penalty shoot out to bring the replay to good old Fellows Park.

My mom wouldn’t let me go to the replay (I’d turned 14 on the day of the 1st leg semi final against Notts County so I couldn’t argue). We listened to it on the radio in our caravan at Bewdley We won 4-0 to seal our first promotion in 25 years and it must have been an amazing occasion. The footage looked brilliant and I can only imagine the scenes in The King George V pub across the road. I’ve never spoken to anyone who was in there that day but I’d love to hear anecdotes.

Digressing slightly but when we moved to Bescot several people said it was in a crap location which always puzzled me. Only round the corner from Fellows Park, on a bus route with a train station opposite but over the years I’ve figured it out. There is nothing round Bescot really but Fellows Park? King George V and a chip shop (Andy’s?) opposite and within a 15 minute walk you had The Fullbrook, The Royal Oak (Pleck and Palfrey variants), Bradford Arms (Pleck and Palfrey variants) Brown Lion, New Inns, 4 Horseshoes and what ever the pub that became Raffles Club (then a pharmacy, now a brightly lit up 24 hour shop). You could have had a right pub crawl pre (and post) match.

Following a Summer of washing cars, delivering the Walsall Advertiser and having a little help from the Bank Of Mom & Dad I had my first season ticket for the Barclays League Division 2 (now Championship, kids) campaign. I was away for the first home game, a 2-2 draw with Plymouth but I don’t think I missed another home game all season. Early memories include a Tuesday night 5-0 win against Birmingham with all the goals in the second half. The place was bouncing that night night. I’d gone to Anfield for the second round 1st leg tie against Liverpool in the Littlewoods Cup We came away that night with just a 1-0 defeat and I couldn’t wait for the second leg. I’m sure we had an early goal from Craig Shakespeare disallowed and eventually Liverpool won the tie 4-1 on aggregate.

As season ticket holders, Swill and I were allowed into the members enclosure, situated in the “Cow Shed” stand. We started to go in there first half and stand right next to the away end. This led to some epic banter. The one that still sticks in the mind was during a lull in one game, a voice rang out from behind us “hey Watford?”. Cue lots of heads looking round in the away end. “Yer shit.” Watford won that game 1-0.

The early season promise quickly evaporated after the injury to new midfielder Alex Taylor. The two stick in the memory games later that season at home were the visits from the top two Chelsea and Manchester City. Chelsea won 7-0 and with a bit of gallows humour normally only emanating from the terraces, stadium announcer David Bathurst announced “a reminder that videos of this game are available to purchase, though this may be of more interest to the Chelsea fans.”

The inflatable Walsall FC Swift that started appearing on the terraces during that season in the 2nd tier.

Against Man City we raced into a 2-0 lead, away goalkeeper Andy Dibble got injured and had to be replaced by outfield player Nigel Gleghorn (I think), – no sub keepers in those days and before we knew it we were 3-2 down. A last gasp equaliser from Andy Saville gave us a deserved point but this was one of very few home highlights that season. Late home wins against Brighton and Stoke giving us a bit of pride but we were relegated easily.

I did however get to see Dale Banton’s only Fellows Park goal in a Walsall shirt though in a 3-0 reserves win over Tranmere.

So for the final season at Fellows Park we were back in the third tier. I thought we had a strong squad. I was confident. I was also young and foolish.

The season started with a 1-0 win against Northampton at FP with Stuart Rimmer on the score sheet. The promotion campaign was underway. Not quite. We hit rock bottom of the table on 30th December and stayed there.

During the Spring I was doing a football hooliganism project as part of my Sociology coursework for my GCSE’s. I wrote to the club and recived a letter back inviting me to interview Roy Whalley, club Secretary and one of the Directors. This was exciting. I got to go in his office and taped a great interview. He was very welcoming, answered my questions, and told me about how great and safe Bescot Stadium would be. I enclosed the tape in with my project and never got it back. Another reason why I hated school.

I got near to Roy again not too long after. A 1-0 home defeat to Birmingham in March saw a demonstration outside the main stand. This was my first taste of crowd fury, so me and Swill were interested onlookers but somehow as the crowd moved we ended up at the front. Roy Whalley came out to address the disgruntled fans. I remember someone shouting “hey Roy, do you want us to pay you Poll Tax too?” which got a big cheer. It all ended peacefully though.

We were relegated quite early on if I remember correctly. Fellows Park deserved a far better send off than the final season it got. After many famous cup victories there, the last FA Cup win on the ground was a 2nd round tie against Roterham, Rimmer again on target. Rotherham also provided the opposition for the final league game, on a Tuesday night May 1st 1990. The club made an occasion of it with certificates provided on the turnstiles, former players and a marching band in attendance. Andy Dornan scored the final Walsall league goal (his only one for the club) in a 1-1 draw. The crowd that night was 5697 where it had only been 3287 for the final win at FP against Tranmere 3 days earlier.

The last league game v Rotherham.
The end of that Rotherham game.

Before the move the club did a couple of tours of Fellows Park and I attended both This meant I got to go in the Saddlers Club for the first time, although it was blackcurrant and lemonade for me in those days.

The Saddlers Club.

The final final Walsall match at Fellows Park was a testimonial for defender Peter Hart against West Brom, which finished 1-1 with Gary Shaw equalising for us and thus scoring the last ever goal at Fellows Park. I remember walking out the ground and getting down to the traffic lights and having one last look at the lit up floodlights and got really emotional.

Had to put a picture of the Street End toilets. I’ve used worse I reckon.

I was excited about the move to Bescot. I was just a kid, I had no concept of history or character. I learned too late the Joni Mitchell wisdom. “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone?” The place was showing its age at the end, but it was magical. A proper ground. To a lot of fans it will always be the proper home of Walsall FC. A lot of my friends have only ever known Bescot. As soon as Doc Brown brings those time travelling DeLoreans to mass production, I’m going back to watch that 4-0 win over Bristol City, and I’m taking some mates too. Actually Doc, could you make it a 52 seat Central Coaches time machine please?

Fellows Park was soon gone. The Saddlers Club was torched, part of the Cow Shed roof collapsed during a bout of snow, then the bulldozers arrived. I was working for Corroy Products in Darlaston at the time and lifts home passed the site so I got a day by day account of the demolition. The time I saw stuff being burned on the pitch really hit me hard. I vowed then not to ever set foot in the Morrisons supermarket that was to replace it. Of course, with me being the massive hypocrite that I am, I applied for a job there while it was being built. I smashed the interview (imo), got a letter a few weeks later saying they were still considering my application then I never heard from them again. Most blokes get ghosted by the ladies. I get it from major supermarket chains.

To be fair, I did go in the store. There was lots of pictures of Fellows Park around the walls which was a nice touch. Not sure if they are still there though. Not been in in decades.

So Bescot Stadium is 35 this year. For my 35th birthday I had a go at the London Monopoly pub crawl and you know what? I might just do it again for Bescot’s same landmark.

In hindsight, I wish that on that primary school tour I’d have bumped into Alan Buckley and he’d have said “not impressed today young man? Get down here on Saturday and see the real Fellows Park.” Dunno why but I had Brian Clough’s voice in my head as I typed that. Fellows Park, I only knew you for a short time but my God you certainly changed my life for the better.

Big thanks to David Evans from the Fellows Park Facebook page for use of the pictures on here and his help with a memory or two.

And if you’re wondering, here is the list of 30 things that I miss in Walsall, as referenced in the first paragraph. 1 – Fellows Park.

2 – Fitters Arms.

3 – Highgate Brewery (especially Saddlers Bitter)

4 – Sundown Records.

5 – Planet Spice.

6 – The Black Swan.

7 – The Brewery Stores (especially the downstairs bar).

8 – The Imperial.

9 – Mr Yips.

10 – The clock on NatWest. (Especially when running for a train.)

11 – Protection from the elements in the bus stations.

12 – The 3 Men In A Boat clock in The Saddlers Centre.

13 – Walsall FC shop in town.

14 – The shopping trolley escalator in Presto.

15 – Basil Of Anatolia.

16 – ABC cinema.

17 – Harley’s.

18 – The indoor market in the Quasar Centre.

19 – The double chance urinals in the Pen & Wig.

20 – The Sarawak.

21 – The Fullbrook pub as it was in the 1990’s.

22 – Fibber McGee’s.

23 -The secret passage from by The Fountain to Lichfield St.

24 – The town with the power station cooling towers looming over it, making it feel like the opening credits of The Simpsons.

25 – The amusement arcade in Caldmore (now Daves Cafe). Update – now Caldmore Fish Bar.

26 – The Stag in Bloxwich.

27 – The sign on the old Sainsbury’s that said “Do not even think about parking here.”

28 – The 339 bus. (It’s now the 39, with a bizarre route which doesn’t help me)

29 – Those concrete blocks outside Woolworths.

30 – Lee Garden Chinese on Stafford Street. (It’s still there, I just don’t live 3 minutes walk away anymore).

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Loving Loughborough.

During the recent Grimsby home match Sean Harris asked if fancied a day out in Loughborough the following Saturday. I was excited already. I think my response was “yeah yeah yeah mate yeah mate yeah”. I’ve done Loughborough twice before. Woza and I went on Boxing Day in 2015 when it was a late substitute for a trip up North which was cancelled due to flooding. This was on Pub 365 Challenge 2, and I returned on a solo mission in April 2018 on Pub 365 Challenge 3 to get more ticks, and to include it in the 12 former Football League towns to visit during that one.. The micro pub Needle & Pin eluded me on both of these visits. Third time lucky I hoped.

After this conversation I went on Facebook Dating and suddenly my feed was full of ladies from Loughborough. Our phones aren’t listening to us though right? I sent an ambitious like to one of them. She didn’t respond.

Onto Saturday then. My shirt ironing song this time was “I’m With You” by Avril Lavigne. Fair play to Avril. She’s waited patiently for 4 years to get a mention in my blog then gets one two editions running. I took a walk into town. The Sun was shining and I had my first view of the year of a load of Daffodils. Always an important day, as it’s a sign that Spring is coming.

I got to Jack & Ada’s, the best cafe in Walsall Town Centre. Rubbish on my part but I’ve not been in here in months. Possible last Summer. I was warmly greeted by Paul on the counter which is standard. I usually have the largest full English breakfast. My request for poached egg on brown bread toast surprised him. The conversation went along the lines of “what’s happened to the Mikee we know? You’re looking very trim though.” “Thank you.” “How much weight have you lost?” “I don’t know.” “Was it doctors orders?” “No, I wanted to find a lady.” “Have you?” “No.” “Well if I ever become a woman…” “I’ll book the op. I’ll change, you don’t have to.” Well if I can’t pull a lass I may as well pull a bloke that owns a cafe eh? I then asked for a sweetener in my mug of tea. Yes I’ve changed.

I was soon joined by Sean, Panda and Dan. Panda made a controversial outburst by claiming he doesn’t like Pork. He soon crumbled under cross examination, admitting that he does like sausages, ham, Frazzles and Pork scratchings. It’s good to have little food quirks though. Like me, I detest Cauliflower but love Cauliflower Cheese as long as there is no Cauliflower in it.

On the train there was much excitement on mine, and only my part as we pulled into Duddeston Station. I know I’m sad and have absolutely no life but I’ve been obsessed about the disused, overgrown platform at Duddeston since I was a kid. But now, It’s all been cleared. I was tempted to get off and have a mooch around to try and find out what’s happening (general consensus is it’s HS2 related) but with 2 more trains to get before I beer stayed put.

At New Street the up escalator wasn’t working again. I know train companies have to provide reliability stats but I’d be intrigued by the same for these. The league table of wank escalators must be (1) New Street Station, (2) Walsall Tesco. Feel free to fill in the other Champions League spots yourself.

On the train we discussed the passing through of Melton Mowbray and wondered if their product Pork Pie would be available in neighbouring Loughborough. I revealed hat I was going to do a Melton Mowbray pub crawl on St George’s Day in 2020 but it got cancelled due to Covid. Five years on and I still haven’t rescheduled it. Things don’t happen quickly in my life.

Panda made another shocking claim, this time that he doesn’t like Gin. I don’t usually need trigger warnings but I was starting to think of issuing him with a request for them. I warned him that he was now close to the 3 strikes and you’re out rule.

First port of call in Loughborough was White Hart, where we were meeting Ian and Jayne. This place had lit candles everywhere making it feel like I was in the Boyzone “Love Me For A Reason” video. I nearly walked to the bar singing “don’t love me for fun girl, let me be a Bond girl.” The barmaid was very friendly and called me darling twice which is always nice. We joined Ian and Jayne. They had booked a Travelodge. I commented that we could all crash in their room if we missed the last train. They seemed fine with this. I forgot to ask if breakfast was included in their room rate.

Decent pub this, friendly with good beer and there was even time for my first wrong turn of the day as I marched passed the toilet and nearly walked into the open door kitchen, which smelt amazing by the way. Fortunately nobody saw me and I did a quick u turn and found the loo.

We then had to walk through the town and there was a continental market on and some of the stalls looked very similar to the ones we have upon hosting these. I eyed the Turkish Delight stall warily as I had memories of paying £13 for a bag of the stuff last time we had this in our beloved town. The food stalls smelt divine. I was getting peckish already. Maybe poached egg on toast isn’t the best prep for a pub crawl. I’m not religious but I began to pray that the next pub did cobs.

Next up was Organ Grinder. I was last to get served of our group as I’d loitered outside taking pictures and playing Frogger with a bus. Ian tipped me off about pork pies. Good start. I ordered a pint and a cheese and onion cob. The barman advised of a meal deal and said “if you pay 10p more you get a bag of crisps.” Oh go on then. The chicken and stuffing pork pie did catch my eye though. The barman was friendly and I was very jealous of his cool red hair style.

Praise the Lord for the meal deal.

I joined the others in the back room. The cob was ace and the serviette was the biggest I have eve seen. It could cover my mossiv cranium. The chicken and stuffing pork pie continued to eat away at me. I gave in and went back and bought half of one “for later.” Before departing we had a little explore and found some marvellous outdoor rooms. One called Ostler’s House, whilst small had furniture and one of those old style sinks that people now use to grown plants in. They clearly care about the history of the pub here and it’s good to see.

Double dollop of cheese and onion but it was needed.
That humongous serviette.
Me in Ostler’s House.
The sink in Ostler’s House.
Sean in Ostler’s House.

The tour moved onto Wheeltapper. This is a train themed pub. There is a wall of those colourful popular destination posters from a bygone age. I scanned but couldn’t see one for Walsall. I’ll design one and present it to them next time. The music was a bit strange. Like in a horror movie when bored kids break into a creepy old house and music emanates from an upstairs room. The barman was welcoming though and the beer was really good.

Periodic Table of beer in The Wheeltapper.
I wonder if they get a brimful in there

“We’ve got a brewery next.” Sean certainly knows how to get my attention. One I’d never heard of – Moonface. We walked in and there were 3 trays of nibbles which everyone was ignoring. Naturally it was left to me to ask the question. The man said they had been for a photo shoot next door but we could help ourselves. The cheese and crackers were epic. Not very corporate of me but I can’t remember what ale I had here. It was golden and good but I know not the name. Sorry Moonface. Their fault though for distracting me with food.

From there we went to The Mini Monocle. This was a cool music inspired venue. There was a drum kit set up which I wanted to dive on. Music ranged from The Pixies, Fun Lovin’ Criminals, Pulp with “Stand” by REM being my favourite. The passageway to the toilet is accessed through a proper old school red phone box door and there is an actual phone on the wall behind it to complete the look.

The phonebox door to the loo. “Hello, is that 999? This is an emergency. I need a shit.”
To complete the phonebox look.

Conversation was epic in here. Beers had flowed and it started to get inappropriate. The good thing with this group is that there are no boundaries with the discussions and it’s always good.

The Tap & Clapper was next. “Hungry Like The Wolf” by Duran Duran was playing. I hoped for some “New Moon On Monday” while they were in the mood but it gave way to “7 Days” by Craig David. My sense of positioning went to shit in here as it wasn’t till I sat down that I noticed the big screen in my view was showing horse racing (no interest) and the one behind me was showing Wales v England in the Rugby which was going well. It was almost full time in the football and we knew Bradford were losing but then it said there was something like 15 minutes stoppage time. Dan put his phone on his leg and looked out for updates. All 6 of us are Walsall FC fans and we just sat there looking at the phone willing the minutes away. Bradford did lose which helps us, though we’re not really helping ourselves at the moment.

What a sign in The Tap & Clapper. I’m saying nothing.

We moved on. Excitement was building. Was I finally going to tick off Needle & Pin? Third time lucky yeah? Well the short answer is yes. After getting a friendly Just Eat man to take a group photo we headed in. I love Thornbridge Brewery so was delighted to see their ale on, I grabbed a pint and headed upstairs. My God what a place. There was a record player with a huge selection of vinyl albums to be played. DJ Panda hit the wheel of Steel and selected a Fleetwood Mac lp which went down well. There were board games, I got a bit too excited at the suggestion of a game of Cards Against Humanity. The conversation was already going beyond the pale so probably best that this game didn’t happen.

Ian, me, Dan, Jayne, Panda and Sean. The chicken and stuffing pork pie is still in the bag I’m clutching.

Sean and Panda perused the vinyl like we used to do in Sundown Records. I was soon presented with the soundtrack album to the film Buster. I requested the Phil Collins classic “Two Hearts” off it and it was conveniently seated at track 1 on side A but that was turned down by everyone in the vicinity. Ian led the no campaign. I might put it on now while I type this. That’ll show em. Sort of. Fleetwood Mac were replaced by an early Beautiful South album and this was a great visit. Was it worth waiting for? Hell yeah. Am I going back? Deffo. Am I playing the whole Buster album? Fuck yeah.

DJ Panda, put dat needle on da record.

We’d finished Sean’s route but there was still ample time before the train so we stopped in The Swan In The Rushes. I’m going to be totally honest, I don’t remember much about this one, other than Sean announcing that we were getting a taxi to a shop near the station which I had no issue with.

In the shop we grabbed supplies for the train with vastly differing requirements. Some went for bottled refreshment, I opted for a packet of Skips and a Bounty. I also bought a scratchcard for a giggle. Aint bought one in yonks. I used to have a thing on payday of having a little £5-£8 scratchcard binge but this was promptly abolished when I started at Cardboard Boxes 2 Go ans payday changed to a weekly basis.

Panda spotted my Bounty and commented that he doesn’t like coconut. This was his 3rd strike and should have meant he was out but it was too late in the day to start those kind of proceedings. To be fair at that juncture he could have said he didn’t like Nargis Kebabs and I wouldn’t have given a flying.

We ambled to the station. Dan came out with a brillliant line en route but it had dropped out of my memory before we got to the station so I offered him half of my Bounty which he accepted. He might not have been so lucky had it been a Red Bounty.

The train journey back was a bit more sedate than the outbound one. We were back in Walsall about 21.30. I couldn’t be arsed to drink anymore so strolled home. Absolutely brilliant day with great company. 5 new Loughborough ticks in Wheeltapper, Moonface, Mini Monocle Needle & Pin and Tap & Clapper. It’s a great town and well worth a visit. I think Loughborough IV could happen though I think I need to tick off Melton Mowbray first. I still haven’t scratched off the scratchcard.

Tell Me Why, I Do Sometimes Like Mondays.

I was on a 4 day weekend. Craig had made his first Sunday night Walsall Arms karaoke appearance and stopped at my house after a great night. We had plans for Monday though. Bowling and ticking off the The Retro Realm the new gaming arcade by The New Art Gallery in Walsall town centre. With a quiz on the night.

Wetherspoons breakfast was needed to start the day. Eggs Benedict with the rocket held. Sorry Elton John but I aint no Rocket Man. The Sun was shining so Craig wanted to sit outside. I wasn’t sure it was warm enough. Especially as I had just a light jacket on, as someone in the Walsall Arms had asked of my attire the night before “why don’t you buy a coat that fits you?” I’d happily confirmed that I was more of a unit in the days of me buying that but in the light of that feedback the big Winter coat was left at home.

It was actually a beautiful day and it’s always nice to sit in the Sun. I don’t see it often. One of Craig’s rules is always sit outside when you can. Breakfast was ace and I certainly took full advantage of the free coffee refills. A helicopter circle over head sparking the usual intrigue of it’s mission.

Conversation here was varied ranging from “what is your favourite Avril Lavigne song? (I’m With You and Don’t Tell Me being mine) through to death by Helicopter crash. Craig said he’d never go in a helicopter due to fear of it crashing. Me, never one to turn down the chance to be a nob replied “yeah but what if it crashed into something cool like a castle,m Stonehenge or the M4? Not sure why I picked that motorway and he still wasn’t sold on the idea.

We moved onto Tenpin the bowling alley on Crown Wharf retail park. Last time we came here I didn’t hit a pin with my first 6 bowls and Craig wiped the floor with me, to the extent that I felt like a Vileda Super Mop. Expecting another defeat the pressure was off and I was going to enjoy it either way. The night before I was singing Bowling For Soup (1985) at the karaoke, now I was bowling for fun.

I got scores straight away. No run of ducks this time although all my balls kept going left of center. Suzzane Vega would of approved. I came up with the idea of using the lane to the right hoping to then finally hit the middle pin on ours.

I finally got a spare in frame 8, although I nearly fell over the line when doing this. Maybe this is the secret. The Tin Henman style clenched fist gesture came out when those pins fell. In game 2 I did what I thought was a bad bowl, raised my hands, shouted “oh fuck off”. Very dramatic even by my standards. It turned out to be my best bowl of the day, taking out 9 pins.

Craig won both games, the second with an increased majority. But it was still great fun. The trying to look confident on the walk up to the obligatory dance on every walk back from the lane, regardless of the score. I didn’t get a strike which is probably for the best as I used to have a thing about whipping my top off when getting one. Thankfully now I’m 50, I’m far more sensible and besides nobody wants to see that.

Craig got one strike and I commented that it’s bad getting a strike as you get fewer bowls thus getting less value for your entrance fee. It is a scam to be fair so I’m glad I’m shit at bowling and get my full allocation of balls.

The Retro Realm doesn’t open until 4pm on a Monday (much earlier of a weekend) so we popped to The Oak Inn. We sat outside again, whilst enjoying the music. Someone had loaded the jukebox with American guitar music the highlight being the full version of Jesus Of Suburbia by Green Day. The temperature plummeted whilst here. Earlier Craig had thought his phone was advising the temperature as being minus 6, and my God it started to feel like it here.

There was time for a controversial outburst from Craig as he mentioned that Common People isn’t his favourite Pulp song, instead referring Disco 2000. I opted not to lump petrol onto this already raging fire by saying my favourite is Mis-Shapes.

With The Retro Realm now open we headed there. It is cheaper on a Monday hence our thinking with this particular day for a visit. It was a tenner each for 2 hours and 45 minutes retro gaming (all machines are set to free play) . It’s opening is split into these slots so it’s best to check their Facebook page for details so you get the most of the slot you head for.

The Retro Realm – taken on the way out.

We’d had a committee meeting the night before and opted not to play against each other as that would mean one person standing around eating into playing time whilst the other is in action. Also Craig is a bad loser and I didn’t fancy pissing him off with the canal right outside.

I started on a RoboCop game and it’s just fun shooting things. Ms PacMan, Space Invaders followed before I took time out for a Mini Boss Burger from the restaurant.

Craig found Phoenix which he was proper chuffed with as it brought back memories of playing it with his dad as a kid. We then teamed up to save the world from Skynet on Terminator Salvation. It took ages, and one massive robot didn’t half take some killing, proper getting on our tits kinda thing. I think we both cheered when he finally fell. If I meet a Sarah Connor on one of these dating apps, I got a line now to throw in on the first date.

Craig with Phoenix. Happy days.
Take that Terminators.
I’m like an MP, I never turn down a photo opportunity.

We played a racing game. It soon became clear why I may have failed my driving test as I was all over the place. My cars carefully chosen white paint work took a hammering. I led in the second race only for Craig to pip me on the last corner earning him a “you fucker” and that’s me who generally isn’t a bad loser.

Craig went for more Phoenix action and I went back for a bit more Ms Pac-Man but our time was soon up. We hadn’t scratched the surface. I didn’t even get on Double Dragon. The pinball machines at the front are not free so with our time now up we paid to have a couple of goes on one of these. This was a great visit and we will be back. I’ve since seen on Facebook that the diner/bar area is free to enter so if you’ve missed your train or it’s been cancelled you can pop in and have a can of Kopparberg and play pinball without having to pay to go into the main arcade. Other boozy drinks are available.

The Red Lion was next as I know Steve who also works at the Manor Hospital usually goes in there on a Monday. As we approached a man was singing Disco 2000 on the karaoke. “Still your favourite Pulp song?” I asked Craig. “I think I’m going off it.” Steve was in which was good and pints of Inch’s were soon with us.

It was very enjoyable in here. A man wearing a pair of women’s knickers over his trousers got up on the bar and sang Tequila – not the Terrorvision version. They played Rolf Harris The Court Of King Caractacus and a couple got up to act out the lyrics which was most entertaining especially at the end when it speeds up. The boobs gesture at every mention of the word ladies was immense and it’s just a great sing along song. They also played One Way Ticket To The Moon by who I thought was Boney M. Craig said “it’s just called One Way Ticket” and the group is Eruption.” Never heard of Eruption. Everyday is a school day. I heard this song about a month ago and it had been in my head ever since only dislodging it a couple of days earlier. Now it was back with a vengeance.

We had a couple of pints and left. I sang “One Way Ticket To The Moon” all the way down Park Street. It was quiz time at the Walsall Arms. It’s always the first Monday of the moth and a good event. Me and Craig have an understanding for quizzes. He gets 99% of our answers and I just sit there drinking and looking cool. It’s a good system and probably the only time I’ll be in The 1% Club.

Quiz mistress Alison was in the hot seat as usual and a lass on an opposing team was soon over for her usual banter with us. I enjoy the quizzes even though I am generally rubbish at them. I am still haunted by getting a Monopoly board question wrong a few months ago as I’m a bit geeky on that. Fortunately the Walsall Arms has lots pf corners so I was able to pick one, stand in it and have a word with myself.

Best line of the night was at the start of round 8 which Alison announced as food and drink. Somebody on another team said to his mate “you’ll be good at this you fat fucker.” I laughed very loudly.

We won the quiz, sorry – Craig won the quiz and it was another highlight on a truly great but long day. I was so glad I had Tuesday off as well..

Me at he end of a long day.