Evo Boozy Scribbler

Fishley Park is a long standing singles night based locally. I’ve heard about it since the 90’s but some reason I thought it was near Lichfield but a chance conversation with Carole at work taught me that it’s actually in Bloxwich. I was going to go on my own in November (bus to Saddlers Arms then walk to it) but events conspired. A friend then mentioned it recently and we decided to make a visit on Friday.

So on Friday, I got home from work and started prepping. I wasn’t in a good mood leaving work which is unusual so I went a bit angsty with the ironing song of choice with the full 9 minute version of Green Day’s Jesus Of Suburbia. Long enough to cover shaving time too. I went for one of my smarter shirts. It’s black and I really don’t like wearing black. I’d make a terrible goth. Imagine me turning up to a Goths Anonymous meeting wearing white and causing outrage. Anyway the shirt is smart imo but I don’t tell people I actually bought it from a charity shop for a 1920’s style Prohibition even in Birmingham in 2021.

I met up with my mate who wishes to remain anonymous and we jumped on the X51. I’d proposed The Hatherton Arms in Bloxwich as our first stop as it’s near a taxi office and it’s just the best pub in Bloxwich. The usual karaoke bloke Gaz wasn’t on but another was hosting and it was soon full of people of all ages just having a good time. The first song to be performed was a couple doing Dancing On My Own by Robyn. I joined in whilst thinking I hope dancing on my own isn’t an omen for later.

Two ladies stood next to me at the bar, they got drinks then lingered for all of 5 minutes before fucking off out of the pub, not to return. I was having my normal effect on the women already.

We got a taxi straight away, I banged my head getting in it. God I’m not even in front of the ladies at Fishley Park and I’m already making a nob of myself. We were soon there arriving at 9.15. I banged my head getting out. Mate paid for the taxi and my entrance fee which was decent. We were told we had to hand our coats in so I passed mine over and was given a raffle ticket which was a nice surprise. I’m usually pretty lucky at raffles so it was already shaping up to be a good night. I was hoping chicken in a basket was to be the next surprise.

It wasn’t very busy as we walked in, got served straight away although my Coors was somewhat lively and had to be poured twice. His first attempt was carefully carried into a back room.

We settled at a table and then in walked a lass. She was smiley, had a nice outfit on and there was something about her. She sat at the opposite side of the room though.We were sat by the bar. Standard for me.

The room started to fill. A man right in my eye line stood on the edge of the dance floor, assessing the form with his legs wide apart. It reminded me of the Tory MPs strong and stable power pose of a few years ago. The music was varied. I’d forgotten to check if I need to pre book the playing of Tha Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony to spark me into life like at the recent speed dating event. If you missed the speed dating blog you can catch up here

The DJ was taking requests but I wasn’t walking up and asking for owt. He played Thriller. This sent Mr Strong & Stable onto the dance floor doing a few Michael Jackson moves, even throwing in a moonwalk. If only Theresa May had done one of these at the end pf a party political broadcast she might have won a bigger majority.

Mate went to the loo. Came back reporting that it’s usually mostly women until midnight then loads of men come in. It was just after 10. There was now a timescale to focus on. Come midnight my ideal lady would be spoilt for choice. Fortunately I’m no Prince Charming so she wouldn’t be running off at that time and leaving a shoe behind.

I went to the loo. On the way out, I clocked the condom machine and perused it just for investigative journalism purposes. Wondering if the machine was poplar given the nature of these singles nights. £3 a pack. Reasonable although I wondered if the price went up after midnight like with taxis. A bloke walked in and caught me perusing. I had to make a quick decision. Make it look like I’d puled and buy a pack or just style it out and walk away. I kept the £3. The last condoms I bought went out of date so I’ll buy on a need to basis. Even if dynamic pricing has kicked in after midnight.

I went back out and eventually the lady I’d seen at the bar hit the dance floor. To quote Jimmy Lennon Jr “iiiiiiiit’s showtime.” I have no issue with dancing per se but doing it to try and get close to a lady is just not me. I didn’t go straight up as it would look obvious, so left it and had a few more intake of Coors. I then sauntered up to the dance floor. Bloody hell, sauntering again like at speed dating? What’s happened to me? Needless to say, as I was involved in this operation it went as smoothly as Rubiks Cubes in a blender. I got to the dance floor just as she walked off it.

Oh well. I’m here now. I’m kind of committed ,so I boogied to Two Can Play That Game by Bobby Brown and Don’t Give Me Your Life by Alex Party, the latter bringing back class memories of my 21st birthday upstairs in Bridge Street Social Club (WS1/Religion for the Gen Z/Millenials). Hotel California popped in my head, mainly the lyric “some dance to remember, some dance to forget.” Here’s me dancing on my own trying to impress a woman that’s not even looking at me.

I returned to the table. I didn’t notice the lady go back up to dance and I’m really not one to go and try and chat up. I never have been. My previous relationships have come through 3rd party instigation. Maybe I should have strutted over and just held out my hand and then led her to the dance floor like in films.

Time flew by, and soon it was 11.15. We opted to move on and ordered a taxi. The DJ played 2 UB40 songs in quick succession and we took this as our cue to depart. I enjoyed the visit, it just went so fast and I didn’t speak yo a single lady. I was served by a bloke at the bar and my coat was taken and returned by a gent. The taxi came quickly and we were off to another pub. I didn’t pull and we left before the raffle was drawn. I bet someone got a fondue set on a re-draw.

Back on the dating apps then. My e-harmony membership has now expired so I might give Plenty Of Fish a go. I like fish as the bloke in my local chippy will testify.

It was Valentines Day on Friday. I wanted to do something different. I’d already announced that I was going to a random pub for the night, but where? I wanted somewhere not doing anything Valentines related but then during the week I saw The Jack Jiggers pub in Brownhills were doing a Traffic Light Party (red badge for taken, amber for maybe, green for single.) I then saw that The Forge Tavern in Willenhall were doing a speed dating night. It was going to be one of these. The Forge had 3 things going for it. It would be a new tick, the poster advised free glass of bubbly for speed daters and when doing my research I found out the pub is down the road from Tiffany’s, a great cafe I’ve recently discovered. The prospect of pulling a lass that lives by Tiffany’s swung it for me.

I’m no expect at dating. I know my limits. I’m not good looking but my confidence levels have crept up over the last year from absolute zero to the lofty heights of negligible.

Walsall isn’t really a hot bed of dating events. I went to a singles night at the New Art Gallery in 2003. Two ladies spoke to me. One taking my beer order, another who worked there telling me off for taking said beer into a gallery.

The Light Cinema in Walsall announced a speed dating night in 2017 which I quickly signed up for. It got cancelled though as not enough men had registered. I was like “no, that’s fine leave it on” but to no avail.

I had prepared for that even mind. In the pub one night I told my great mate Mase that I was going and he offered to play some female speed daters. This was very amusing if not slightly awkward at times. My favourite of these exchanges was his portrayal of flirty accountant Kirsty. With “her” job in mind I asked “what’s your favourite sum?” This caused much amusement and despite being 8 years ago, still gets mentioned to this day.

So onto Friday. No Valentines cards were waiting at home but my Tesco Clubcard statement was with a £4 voucher in there. That’ll do instead. Out came a nice shirt, posh coat and the shiny shoes that I only wear for funerals, weddings and job interviews. The shirt ironing song was changed at the last minute. It was going to be “She Hates Me” by Puddle Of Mudd as it had popped into my head on the walk home. I thought something to get me in a romantic mood was more appropriate so went for “Everlasting Love” by Love Affair because it’s amazing.

There was a bit of panic pre departure as I couldn’t find my glasses. They were on the floor next to the still in box barbecue that Josh bought me in 2021. I really hope I’m not the only person with a still boxed barbecue that resides in the Living Room.

I’d mentioned to John at the 11th hour what I was doing and he said he’d come with me, not to partake but mostly to take his mind off his still sore tooth extraction from a couple of days earlier. We popped to the Walsall Arms for a bit of Dutch Courage and so I could have a quick practice at flirting with Jaz the landlady.

John drove us over to Willenhall. I was navigating so of course there was a missed turn. Standard for me. We got in and Maroon 5 “This Love” came on and a television screen above the bar was showing a Katy Perry video. I was happy already.

John is taller and thinner than me but also bald. I wondered if the locals thought a Right Said Fred tribute act had come to do a turn.

I signed up and it quickly became apparent that the 4 ladies sitting opposite and all facing us were the female partakers. We clearly stood out like sore thumbs. We were at a table between the ladies and the bar, and there was only one chair so I was standing there like the proverbial spare part at a wedding. The on came “Tha Crossroads” by Bone Thugs N Harmony.

This was my opportunity to emanate some cool vibes toward the ladies and I grabbed it with both hands. On the spot I did a sort of bendy knees, casually nodding head dance whilst singing along as best as I could. Mainly the chorus to be honest.

With the ladies now suitably reassured of my coolness I opted to visit the little boys room. My bladder isn’t the strongest and I didn’t want to get caught short, arriving in front of a lady and it being “hi, I’m Mikee. Sorry, I gotta dash. I’m about to toilet myself.” What a first impression that would be.

The toilets are up the back passage. Both had their doors open and I paused briefly outside one to asses which it was. “I hope you’re not going in our toilet” came a female voice. It was on of the 4 speed daters. I laughed and said “it is my first time in here, honest.” “I’ll let you off then” and she pointed me in the direction of the men’s.

It was soon start time. Did I have a strategy? Well no. I’m shy, especially around the ladies, . My interactions with them normally go one way. It’s a word beginning with h and ends in orrendously .I’m not good at meeting people and I don’t really like talking to people I don’t know. Other than that it was going to be fine. So no, I didn’t have a plan A. Plan B if conversation dried up was to ask “should we bring back dinosaurs?” Plan C was to unleash my Chewbacca in the Big Brother house impression.

I can remember the ladies names but I’m not going to use them or describe them as it’s right as they didn’t know I’d be writting about this.

First up was hard work. We spent the first minute looking at the paper on the table, then her mate was wanting to borrow her glasses (and trying to remove them from her head so she could also read). Finally we got to talk but it was tough. The music was very loud and we both struggled to hear anything. We couldn’t really get a conversation going. I could have done with a Right Said Fred tribute act turning up and singing “Don’t Talk, Just Kiss.”

When the change over occurred the dj apologised for the music, turned it down and allowed us an extra minute at the next table to make up for it. The lady at the next table was great. Straight out with questions and we really hit it off. I asked her what she did and she relied “I’m an accountant.” It had to be done. “So what’s your favourite sum?” This completely threw her but we moved on. She said that she’s a singer and does a bit of Shakira. This was my cue to stand up and announce “I love My Hips Don’t Lie” and gave my hips a shimmy. She was fine with this. We crammed a lot into those 3 minutes but it was time to move onto lady number 3.

This was another great chat. We have the same taste in music with her expressing fondness for Linkin Park and Biffy Clyro. She said she’s single but had been roped into this to make up the numbers.

I arrived in front of lady number 4 and sat down with the line “well I found your table easier than I found the toilets” which she liked. We talked all kinds of things where we live and the basics like that. She asked if I’m married. “Nope, never married. No children. No stalker ex’s still on the scene. I have absolutely no baggage>” “That’s what we like to hear.” I followed this up with my cringiest line of the night. “I only have baggage when I’m at the airport.” I didn’t tell her that I’ve only ever had one foreign holiday and that was back in 2009.

Soon it was all over. The end was signalled by the dj bringing over a bottle of bubbly for us all to share, which was put on our table. Lady 4 asked me to open it and I politely declined as I didn’t want to look a wimp if I couldn’t. The man sat with her friend did the honours and we all got a glass although her friend turned it down so she grabbed it.

I filled my scores in but then didn’t really know what happened next. Well what happened next was I grabbed a much needed pint. My scores remained on the table though as I assumed they would e collected.

I sauntered over to the table the lades were sat at. I don’t get to saunter very often so took full advantage of this opportunity. I explained to lady 2 about the favourite sum back story and she loved it. “I’m glad I helped you ask that in a real speed dating event. I’ve never been asked that before but no, I don’t have a favourite sum. I’m rubbish at Maths and use a calculator”. Crap at Maths and a sense of humour. Fair play.

The DJ, now behind the bar announced “free shot for all the speed daters” and I didn’t need telling twice. I was up there like shit off a shovel. One of the male speed daters commented that it was the cheapest shot being given out. I didn’t mind. It was free. I like free.

I strolled back over to the ladies. This time looking casual. I had one hand in my pocket and the other one was holding a pint of Carling. God, I’ve turned into Alanis Morrisette. That’s all the word needs. Lady number 4 gave me another glass of bubbly but made it clear I was getting no more. After more chats I went back and joined John as I didn’t want him sitting on his ow. Josh had turned up which was a pleasant surprise. “Mate, you seem so confident” was his first feedback. I happily confirmed that I’m not, just a good actor.

Lady 2 shouted over what I thought was “Mikee, do you want to come and see the gay beds?” Turned out she said day beds but she led me outside where there are beds for relaxing on and also a hot tub. I’ve never known a hot tub in a pub. I’m getting a pair of budgie smugglers in the Summer and having me a bit of that. The landlord joined us and he told me of his plans for the place and it was a good insight.

Back inside time was getting on. My scores still hadn’t been collected so it looked like there wasn’t going to be an announcement about matches and I didn’t have the guts to ask out the one I liked most.

We said goodbyes and headed back to the Walsall Arms so John could put the car to bed and have a beer.

It was an absolutely brilliant night. Thoroughly enjoyed it and maybe I have more confidence than I give myself credit for. I want more speed dating – the pub is on about doing it again and it’s definitely a me kind of pub so I’d be up for it again. I can only apologise to the locals though that they didn’t get to hear John and I singing “I’m Too Sexy.”

Last Saturday was set to be another action packed day so it was off to the Walsall Arms for opening at 10 with breakfast on my mind. I don’t have to order. Jodi knows the score. Full English, no tomato or mushrooms and tea with no sugar. All good.

There was a generic cooking show on the television. They were preparing a cauliflower dish. Cauliflower is my absolute Kryptonite. I’ve not thrown up in a pub since 1998 but my God this nearly triggered me. Jodi must have read my mind and asked if I wanted anything putting on. She further read my mind when I asked for a music channel and put on a modern rock one and we were treated to some right classics.

Breakfast was ace again and the music channel was tempting me to stay but I had to go as I was meeting my old mate Chris in Wolverhampton later on. I got home and it was shavey shavey time. Not my favourite part of the week to be honest. I put the plug in, turned the taps on and then decided that this was an ideal time to have a first practice at my upcoming birthday bash karaoke song. All my school reports used to say that I was easily distracted and it’s still the case. Next thing the sink was full and I was so grateful for the overflow outlet or I’d have had wet feet. I still wasn’t totally focused on the job in hand as I then tried to shave with the back of the razor. The song performance went well though.

The 529 was its usual infuriating self. Headphones should be mandatory on buses. As we got to The Merryboys junction I noticed an Audi with the number plate EVO5 CAR. Hmmm can’t be mine. Unless I become a famous writer I aint ever owning an Audi. When I was a kid my dream car was a white Renault 4, and I don’t think I’ve really moved on from that. More in my budget range though.

The toilets in Wolverhampton bus station were playing classical music which I wasn’t expecting. I briefly considered going into the cubicle and composing a movement of my own but I didn’t want to be last in the pub so I made it just a urinal visit.

The Posada was first. I ordered a HPA and the very friendly barmaid asked if I had a CAMRA card. I confirmed that I no longer do and I don’t know how we got onto it but by the time she had pulled my pint we had agreed to set up the Campaign For Real Wine. I know a few people that would get on board with this. If I don’t meet a lovely lady at a wine drinking organisation then it really is the time for me to become a monk.

Normally, with me being the wallflower that I am I’d go and sit in a quiet area with he least amount of people in the vicinity but as the barmaid was on great form and coming out with top lines (“if you’re offended, you’re in the wrong pub” was one to another customer) I stayed put and it was ace. Chris turned up, ordering a Spanish lager I’d never heard of which sounded like a Premier League assistant manager and we started the much needed catch up.

It’s fair to say that the last couple of years of the 90’s I wasn’t in a good place. I hated myself and life in general. Chris started at SciChem in 2001 and we hit it off straight away. Despite not working in the same part of the warehouse so only seeing each other at break times we were out for booze by the end of his second week. We soon became best friends and I make no secret that he was a major part in me turning my outlook on life around. He left in 2005 but we kept in touch and I was honoured to be one of the best men at his wedding in 2009.

The Posada is a must visit if you are in Wolverhampton and I could have happily stayed but Chris wasn’t out long and I had a shopping list of 4 pubs so we moved on to The Hogshead.

The Hogshead is class. I heard recently that it is up for sale and when that happens nowadays you never know what it’s future is. It was rammed with lots of people watching the England rugby match. There was only 1 unoccupied table but reserved for a Bottomless Brunch. We agreed to sit there unti the reservees (if that’s a word) turned up. They were already an hour late for their 2 hour slot. I threw in the caveat that if the bottomless brunch goodies started turning up, we’d partake just to be polite.

I talked in here of my thoughts re Valentines Day. I’m usually meh at this at the best of times as a perennially single man but over the last 6 months I’ve upped my attempts to find a lady so this one will hit a bit harder. I said to Chris “I want to fuck off, to a random pub, preferably not doing anything Valentines related and just sit there being miserable.” “You are good at that” was his response. He knows me well.

Somehow Chris had found out that 90’s singer Sophie B. Hawkins is playing an acoustic set in a Birmingham pub this Summer and we discussed this. “Do you want to go?” he asked. “Of course I do.” I replied. He investigated. “Shit. It’s £26 a ticket. I only know two of her songs.” I went all Ken Bruce and named the three that I know in 10 seconds. “Right Beside You” is an absolute classic and the favourite song of Warren Street, the main character in my two novels. I really need to do something with those. They aint paying for that Audi whilst they are sat on a broken pc in the loft.

We still agreed to go so Chris booked the tickets. “How much do I owe you?” I asked thinking booking fees and other bollocks would be added on. And no doubt dynamic pricing would have kicked in. “Nah, it’s on me.” Wow, cheers Chris. This like Hard-Fi at the intimate Irish Centre in Brum will be a deffo I was there night. We finished our drinks and moved on. The bottomless brunch folk hadn’t shown.

Next up was The Wheatsheaf. This is my favourite pub in the centre. Maiden visit was with Woza in 2010 and it was love at first pint. At the time the bus station was being redeveloped and the 529’s were picking up right accros the road from the front door. Despite this we missed the last 3. I say missed, this implies an attempt at catching them which there really wasn’t. The landlord had to call us a taxi in the end.

This time there was no entertainment as it was still early and a television behind me was showing Birmingham v Newcastle. Despite it’s close proximity I still missed the first 4 goals. We were deep in discussion. I was telling Chris about my attempts at finding a lady on Facebook Dating and e-harmony. He thought I said the army which would be a different type of dating I guess.

The final discussion in here was about the film Poor Things which we are both massive fans of. With time flying by I postponed my scheduled bus and we dashed to our final stop The Moon Under Water – Wolverhampton’s Wetherspoons. It was busy but we found a space at the bar. I still wasn’t done with discussing Poor Things and relayed the scene when a well spoken English bloke in a Victorian suit said “I’ll smash his fucking head in.” I must have emphasised this a bit too eagerly as a barmaid gave me a right look on saying this. I’d like to think that she went home that night and told everyone “we had a right hard bastard with a Walsall accent in today. Well hunky he was.”

As we walked away Chris said “I’d like to see you smash someones fucking head in wearing that” referencing my Craig David style white beanie hat. So I sang “I’ll smash his fucking head in” in a Craig David stylie. It were proper bo I tell thee.

Soon I noticed it was 7 minutes till bus departure time and wary that it would not be long before the departures go more infrequent so we supped up and both dashed downstairs to the loos and back. Despite time being against us I was still holding doors open for ladies, and stopping to let them pass. “You’re too polite” was Chris’s feedback. I made the bus though with 2 minutes to spare. Despite the rushed feel to it it was a good visit to the Spoons.

Stage 2 of the day was a rough plan. Meet Josh for a pint in Willenhall and he’d then drop me off at the Walsall Arms. Without an actual meet up arranged he announced via text that he was just going to take the kids home but would still take me to the pub. His timing was epic and he turned up right behind the bus I’d just got off. I got in to be confronted by a question. “Can you name a country beginning with the letter O?” “Yeah, Oman.” “Oh right. Can you name a football club begging with O?” “Yeah, Oxford United.” I had no idea what this game was but I was already liking it.

My mind started racing to potential further question. Colour begging with O? Yep got one. Cubed shaped meat extract product? Sorted. These never came neither did London Underground station past or present, I’d have gone for Ongar. Instead the game went to a name singers going round the car alphabetically. Josh and his kids came up with some I’d never heard of so when V landed on my lap I went for Vincent Furnier the real name of Alice Cooper.

Next up was animals which passed peacefully until I got U. I said urangutang. This was ruled out after a VAR check as it actually begins with an O. Oh well, spelling has never been my strong point as you’ve probably gathered by reading these blogs. I later found out that there isn’t a g at the end either when spell checking for this edition. We were now at the Walsall Arms and Josh nand co popped in for one which was ace.

I had a couple more pints, and Jaz the lovely landlady shouted us both a shot of Sambuca mmmmm that hit of Aniseed. Early contender for Song Of The Night was N-Trance “Set You Free” one of my absolute faves and I was delighted when it came on again about 20 minutes later. I was joined by John and Kimbo who had got back from Colchester but shortly afterwards I decided I’d had a enough and dashed round the corner to Danny’s Chicken before it closed. 3 ladies came in and asked for ice cram and were tured down. They then asked for milk shake and were turned down a second time so they walked out. They didn’t think to ask for chicken.

Anyway my chicken was great, I had a fantastic day, have an uxpected gig outing in the bagging area and I learned how to spell orangutan, which I’m sure will come in useful one day.

Last Saturday was February 1st. I had a rough plan. I was only going to have a couple of beers and that would only happen if Walsall won. I am cutting down on the booze and generally doing well with this but there are always bumps in the road eh? Or mossiv pot holes should I say as a Walsall resident?

First up though was breakfast. My mate John Heighway had not done a Walsall Arms breakfast so he joined me for this one. Said pub has recently starting doing Sunday dinners on a Wednesday evening and he has paid for the food on both times that we have done this so I was determined to pay for breakfast here. He refused and insisted on paying. Oh well, I tried.

I’ve been coming here for brekkie since they launched in July and this visit was the first time that I’ve noticed that one condiment pot is red and the other white. Very Walsall FC approved but to be fair I’ve never used either previously but now I know that black Pepper helps boost your metabolism I’ve been obsessed with it and have it on most things.

John was impressed with brekkie, we celebrated another successful mission with a second cup of tea each and we went our separate ways. I had two missions. First one Santander. The queue was massive. I was paying in for once. Usually money only goes into my account on payday so I’m still expecting a call about “suspicious activity on my account.” I tried to use the pay in machine but it would not accept my notes (they were real I promise.) I gave up. If the machines ever rise and try to kill mankind I’m hiding in Santander. If they can’t do their one job, I doubt they are taking me out with a laser gun.

I rejoined the queue (now extra mossiv). Typically the two folk in front of me were nothing having a right good natter at the counter but eventually I was served and on my way up the market.

ASDA was next. I started using this place a couple of years ago. It always baffled my lovely SciChem Customer Service office buddy Lindsey as to why I didn’t use ASDA with it being the closest supermarket to my house but instead used Tescot, you know the one the other side of town. Especially as I had to walk home with the shopping.

Anyway I like this ASDA, my spending has gone down though since the KFC in there closed. There is always something going on in here. Once a couple were having a right barney in front of the fish finger freezer, which was the one I wanted. I had to peruse the battered cod fillets until they finished. I’ve been in over 1500 pubs, lots of them with condom machine but only in the toilet here have I ever seen someone else use one. The bloke looked around as I entered. I just gave him a knowing nod and we both carried on with our business. One time (God I sound like the lass out of American Pie/bloke out of The Fugees) I saw a new white bra still on it’s hanger left on a display of beef jerky by the checkouts. I can only assume another couple had had a row an she’d thought ‘bollocks to looking sexy for you tonight.’ Once the KFC was closed as they had no water. Good to see Precious Little from Come Fly With Me back in work.

Anyway I was only after one item today so not time for any drama on this occasion. I got home, fannied around a bit then noticed it was 2.20. Bescot Stadium is 40 minutes walk away and I wasn’t quite ready so I got my arse into gear.

The previous day at work I’d had a craving for a packet of Skips. Now, 24 hours later I still fancied some so I nipped in the shop at the top of Alexadndra Road and grabbed a pack. I was just getting to the turnstiles when Salford scored. Reasons I’ve missed a goal number 1.000,429 buying a packet of Skips.

First half was a bit poo. Asps announced he was going to the bar and asked if I wanted anything and I said I wasn’t drinking. 5 minutes of poor football later and I’d changed my mind. “Go on then, I’ll have Madri please.”

Asps and I had a good chat in the bar then he went upstairs and I found Andy Jones along with Helen Baker. There was more football chat but then it was time to make it all about me which I did by talking about my birthday bash this year. Andy reminisced about my bash last year commenting that my karaoke performance of The Divinyls classic I Touch Myself was “disturbing and entertaining.” I was more than happy with both of these bits of feedback. Now how do I top that this year?

I headed back upstairs. Salford broke away and scored a second but then a triple substitution turned things around around and we snatched a 2-2 draw. There was a strange split in the crowd with some happy at a comeback point after two defeats whilst others were ready to start ripping seats up.

I joined Asps, Ross and Pete in heading to The Railway Club. Asps asked why I was drinking Coors. I said “I’m not drinking and this is the closest that I can get to not drinking.” “Why aren’t you drinking?” he asked. I admitted “I am really, I’m just being a nob.”

After one pint in there I power walked into town. At the top of Bradford Street I noticed exterior lights lit up on the front of Room 112. I still haven’t ticked this off since it changed it’s name from Flying Tiger (if I remember correctly, Bar NV before that). The last time I tried to tick it off Josh was dropping me off in town after watching a game at his. I saw it lit up and the front door open, albeit slightly. He parked up, I jumped out and marched in. It quickly became apparent it was a private party and I swear that everyone turned round and glared at me. I’m used to people staring at my crackin arse but not my face.

Room 112 was not open. It seems like I’ll be in Room 101 before Room 112. (Room 101 is a torture chamber if you’ve not read 1984)

I continued into town but needed food. Those Skips were wearing off so I went into St Matthews Hall ready to order a plate of 10 chicken wings and have a couple of Wetherspoons coffee refills. Then I saw on the bar a notice “Managers Special. Mixed grill and a pint for £9 (I typed miced grill on the first draft of this, that would be a different meal but I bet some takeaways could offer it). Anyway this deal was about £1 more than the chicken wings and coffee would have cost so I dived in. This cutting down on the beer was hitting a snag. Oh well. Announce Wet February.

I’d seen Matt Whelan earlier and he told me that local acoustic singer and fellow Walsall FC fan Kevin Ruby-Astin was playing Katz in the evening. I’d heard good things about him so I started walking that way. I messaged Whelan asking what time he was getting there but before he had chance to reply I was heading into what was Arbor Lights. This place was great in the 90’s as Fibber McGee’s. Dominic Owen and I would venture in on a Wednesday for the very entertaining karaoke hosted by legendary local barber Michael Scissorhands. We’d then grab food from the Kebab Ranch before walking back together. We both lived by The Fullbrook in those days. It later became Arbor Lights, a swanky bar which went totally foodie towards the end with limited opening hours. It then became a motorbike shop which lasted about a year and is now Afriqana – restaurant and Lounge.

No pulls on the bar but bottles of Heineken and Guinness available I went for the lager saving the stout for those affected by the national shortage. Music was very urban with some Pete Tong style horns thrown in. It could have been Pete Tong for all I know. I have no idea what the Radio 1 schedule is these days.

No menus dotted around so it was just the Lounge part of the business at this point. Before departing I used the loo. The doors was marked with “Biker Dudes.” I’m guessing a left over touch from the motorbike shop days. I went in despite not being a biker. I went on a motorbike once when I was about 8. I was terrified, screamed very loudly and cried for ages afterwards. Even as a kid I never missed the chance to be very dramatic about things.

In Katz Kevin was already on and it was Amy MacDonald “This Is The Life” being performed which is a bloody great song. This was followed by Fleetwood Mac “You Can Go Your Own Way.” I needed no further convincing that this was going to be a good night.

There were a few fellow Saddlers in which was good, especially as the next song was self penned about being a Walsall fan. One lyric I think was “I’ve got friends, Saturdays and Tuesday nights like when Barrow away was fucking shite.” I couldn’t clap the first two songs, due to getting served and then tying my shoelace. I think most 5 year olds could tie shoe laces quicker than me but then they don’t have booze in them. Anyway this song was class and I certainly clapped it.

Other stand out songs were “Valerie” very much more Zutons than Amy Winehouse, and “If You Wanna Come Back” by my favourite band The Vaccines. A double bill of my two favourite Billy Ocean songs just added to the occasion.

I thoroughly enjoed this but I wanted a night cap in The Walsall Arms so didn’t stay until the end.. I must see Kevin again soon though and I think he said he is back in Katz after the last home game of the season v Accrington. Let’s hope we have something to celebrate by then eh?

The Walsall Arms was heaving, and bouncing. Usual Sunday night karaoke host Mad Marie was doing an Amy Winehouse set and I caught the last two numbers. Firstly “Back To Black” and finally “Valerie.” Both went down a storm with the latter having the whole pub singing with many dancing on the seats. Great times and I was happy as I’d had two lots of Valerie action that night and doubt many other men in the Walsall area could boast that. Marie went on to sing general songs. I think I had a couple of beers, and a shot then departed.

Cracking day. I’m still cravimg Skips though.

I wasn’t really feeling getting up last Saturday. The bed was warm and the outside wasn’t but a day out with Andrew “Rollo” Rollason had been planned so it was up and about…eventually.

I met Rollo in 2008 when he arrived at SciChem. I was the first face he saw at the company as I was working Reception/Trade Counter then. I moved upstairs in 2011, he joined me in the Customer Service office in 2017 and we had some right laughs in there. One memory was when he walked up to my desk, said “alright you fat prick?” then followed this up with a routine work question.. I later confirmed that this was the favourite thing I’d been called in a long time.

Rollo left in 2021 but we’ve kept in touch and he rings me nearly every week and we have a good natter. We also regularly text and just call each other random names. Famous criminals, disgraced politicians and despot world leaders tend to be amongst our favourite choices when doing this.

Back in November I reviewed Tiffany’s in Willenhall. It was one of my favourite articles and if you missed it you can catch it here. Rollo knows the owner Ben but had never been in his cafe. I’d been raving to Rollo about it ever since. I often say I must go back at the end of reviews but with this place I proper meant it. Rollo showed an interest in coming to the Walsall v Tranmere match. This would involve drinking. Stomachs would need lining so to quote a 90’s song I said “what about breakfast at Tiffany’s?”

We arranged to meet in Tiffany‘s at 11, go into Walsall for beer then head to Bescot. It was only the Sunday before when I realised the match was kicking off at 12.30. Organised Evans strikes again. We arranged a 10 am meet instead.

The t-shirt ironing tune of choice today was Let Your Love Flow by Bellamy Brothers. Great song and it always reminds me of the Barclaycard advert when the bloke walks out of the office and jumps in a water slide which takes him home. Appreciate my imagination gets the better of me at times and that the NHS has no money but it would be class if one of these could be installed at the Manor. Finish at 4.30, jump in the water slide and head home, waving at all the nurses on the West Wing en route. O ar. Anyway the 529 was on time and I was soon at Tiffany’s.

Rollo was there already along with his friends John and Hedgey. John’s young son Fionn was also there. Those three lads along with owner Ben were all in the same year at St Thomas More School. I also attended that place but left 7 years before they started. As per usual it was left to me to bring the mood down a bit which I happily did by expressing how much I hated the place and some of the attendees.

Breakfast then. In the week Tiffany’s had announced a new breakfast sharer, which is mossiv. Comes with cheese on toast too which is just genius. I wasn’t having it though. As much as I like Rollo, I’m not sharing my breakfast with him. I love breakfast and wouldn’t share it with anyone. Actually scrub that, if Patsy Kensit ever stops over at my house I’ll think about it.

Like last time I had the choose 10 items breakfast, as did Rollo whilst the others went a bit more off the menu. Talking of the menu I got to peruse it this time as I sat next to the big one on the wall. They do a sandwich called “The Kitchen Sink” called so as billed as everything but the Kitchen sink between bread. I like it when places put some thought into their sammo names.

Conversation was good, background music was Radio 1 again, the standout highlight being Kelly Clarkson “My Life Would Suck Without You” and the breakfast was class. I toyed with the idea of starting a big food fight to try and get Rollo barred from the place by his mate but the food was that good it was only being thrown in one direction. Down my throat.

My mate Asps was meant to join us but instead made a late cameo appearance to collect takeaways for the family. He did announce that he wasn’t going to the match due to the cold and was watching it instead at The Met Bar in town. I briefly felt a tad jealous but this quickly passed.

Rollo ordered a Uber, I exchanged pleasantries with Ben on the way out and he comes across as a top bloke and I wish his cafe all the best. Rollo and I quickly made a pact to go back very soon.

We got to the Railway Club in Pleck. Long standing mates of mine Gaz and Daz were already in there. Gaz was in a very lively mood as is standard with him and he was on good form. They kept trying to involve Rollo in the football chat so he fessed up that he’s a West Brom fan which they were fine with.

My mate Ashley was in and he was on the Baby Guinness shots and it wasn’t yet midday. I was impressed. I agreed with him how good they are and he said he wished they were bigger. So there you go publicans. Make big size Adult Guinness a thing.

Rollo suggested a taxi to the ground and I was fine with this. We offered Gaz and Daz a lift and this caused a discussion between them as they didn’t agree. At one point they were just staring at each other. It felt like a Dragons Den style stand off between business partners. I asked if they wanted to go to the back wall to discuss it. They eventually turned the lift down. Outside Rollo commented that his new jacket made him look like the Michelin Man. I asked if he was off to award a star to a restaurant later.

We made kick off and took our place in the stand alongside Jayne Mason who I’d not seen since she got back off her Cricket watching jaunt. Good to see you Jayne. We went 2 nil up, Harry Williams made an incredible block with his face from a fierce drive. Mark behind me suggested we ought to check if the ball was okay. Seriously Williams would head away a Kitchen sink for the team if need be. I should have brought one from Tiffany’s to check this.

Rollo headed to the bar, Tranmere had a man sent off and took over the game for a while, pulling a goal back on the stroke of injury time.

They were showing the game in the bar. Jayne Harris still had a pint left so we joined her. When I got my round in I was shocked at the price. Nearly £16 for 2 pints. I queried this, most unlike me but was told it was correct. I went back to the table and Rollo said his round was only £11 something so encouraged by Jayne and him I reluctantly went back up and yes she had charged me for 3 pints. The supervisor said “we can’t give refunds. Just give him another pint.” God job I like a booze.

We scored another 3 and it was a superb game. This was a historic win as it set a record as the first time in our history that we have won 8 league games in a row. I’ll admit I shed a tear at full time because this team is just so damn good and we haven”t thrown money around like promotion winners of last season. This club has come so far in the last couple of season and we are long overdue some good times.

We headed to The Locker. Thankfully the lights were on this time and the dj was playing some excellent tunes. It was very busy and joyous. John Heighway was in with a Belgian bloke who he had met on one of his trips over there and had flown in to watch our game, on his birthday as well. I hope he enjoyed his first visit. He was back home to watch Anderlecht the next day.

After a couple of hours Rollo got a taxi, I think to meet Hedgey although I still suspect he was sneaking off to award a restaurant a star whilst still in character.

Laura and Pez gave me a lift to Katz which I was very grateful for. It was busy in there too with a big number of fellow Walsall fans. John had beaten me there, but without the Belgian. Kimbo and Mrs Kimbo were in too, and fair play to her as she is a Tanmere fan and was still sporting her scarf.

It was ace in Katz but as the clock struck 6.30 I decided I’d drank enough and headed home, stopping for a Danny’s Chicken to break up the stroll home. I was home listening to the Indie Might on Radio X by 7.10.

What a day. Great times. I saw lots of top people and a bit of history too. Full credit to the ground staff for getting the game on, and the players for a convincing win in tough conditions. I’m now not drinking or eating out until February so the blog is going on mini hiatus again but I’ll be back soon, and thanks as ever for reading.

Saturday saw the closure of long standing Walsall drinking venue Rock Steady Eddies. Opened in 1996 by Eddie and Emma, it wasn’t until 2003 when I became friends with Woza and he introduced me to the Stafford Street scene that I started going.

Chris had tipped me off about closing night so I decided one last visit had to be done as it’s a place I’ve always enjoyed drinking in. My visits went through the roof when I moved round the corner to Lewis Street in 2010. They become sporadic when I moved back this side of town in 2016, limited mainly to when Craig came up from Coventry as he liked the presence of a quiz machine and the very reasonable happy hour beer price before 6pm. One day I was late getting out of work at Cardboard Boxes 2 Go and got there just after 6. He’d stocked up before the deadline and 4 pints of Strongbow Dark Fruit were waiting for me. I like a drink but 4 pints in pub 1 of a crawl is a bit much even for me. I begged him to help me with them. These visits dried up when they got rid of the quiz machine.

So last Saturday then. My shirt ironing song choice was random even for me. Little Jackie – The World Should Revolve Around Me. It’s a great song and I love the lyric “what came first the chicken nugget or the Egg McMuffin?” I’ve actually researched this. It’s the latter.

I got to Eddies not long after 7. Chris and James were already there. along with a lot of other folk including some I haven’t seen for many years so it was nice to be back. The Carling had already run out so it was Stella. Not my usual choice at all but needs must so a pint was quickly ordered.

Chris is an absolute regular here along with James and he is proper distraught at its closure. He was pointing people out who don’t live near the place and saying where they are from and it’s their local. Like when I lived in Darlaston and I’d walk to The Fitters by The Arboretum and back. When you find your favourite drinking venue it matters not if it’s not your nearest pub.

One of the last times that I was in with Craig, someone had locked the jukebox down with UB40 songs (we lasted for 3 before giving up on life and fleeing hastily). This time the jukebox was off and a dj was performing, and he was going through some 60’s classics.

They’d put a buffet on. The samosas and onion bhajis were amazing. Tunes continued and Chris was on good form. He always has a silly joke to hand and my favoruite of tonight was “I tried that new Cricket curry. It gave me the runs.”

The DJ then played 2 UB40 songs in a row. Was it the same person who had locked down the jukebox that time? It got me thinking though. I’ve only dj-d in pubs 3 times (Fitters x 2 and Hatherton Arms x 1) and I’d love to do it again. Next time I might just play Kelly Clarkson all night. It’s what the fans want.

We had a cameo appearance from Josh as he had never been in the place and wanted to tick it off. As always it was ace to see him. The dj played “We’ll Meet Again” which seemed appropriate, Red Light Spells Danger and then the National Anthem at 10.25. It went a bit more random after that with Bob The Builder and Fast Food Song by The Fast Food Rockers. For some reason I did the dance to The Birdie Son during that one.

Josh offered me a lift to the Walsall Arms so I said some goodbyes, to the customers, staff and the building itself. It mus have been a tough night for Chris as it was the first time I’ve ever known him to not eat a bag of crisps. I’ll miss Eddies. I have only good memories of the place. Some more fuzzy than others. I think given its prime location on a main road into Walsall with a car park and bus stop right outside it won’t be empty long. A desi pub with the barely used back room knocked into one is my guess.

The Walsalll Arms was class, with a male/female combo singing. John Heighway, Kimob and Mrs Kimbo (Kirsty) were in. I’d not met Kirsty before so that was good.

A man who I’d not seen there before decided that I look like like Michael van Gerwen and kept going on about me losing the darts the night before. I get this a lot. It’s my new like a like thing. I do miss the days when strangers would shout Matt Lucas catchphrases at me in the street.

I had a couple then left the others in there. Got home, fell asleep on the settee and woke up at 3am. What a great night.

I had no plans to blog about last Sunday. It didn’t pan out. It was Walsall v Newport and I was buzzing for it but thought there wouldn’t be much to write about.

The t-shirt ironing tune was a bit off my usual cool indie music vibe. Not thinking I’d be reporting this I went for Feels So Good by Mel B. Hadn’t heard it in decades but it had popped in my head the night before and as it’s my favourite song by solo Spice Girl I thought why the hell not? I know I’m going to get pelters for that opinion but I care not. Why not share this blog far and wide so I can get more good natured abuse? I don”t mind if it gets me new readers.

I had to pop for a family visit on the way and my cousin Lorraine gave me a lift down. We were dropped at Matalan on the retail park at 2.35. Far too early to go in the ground yeah? So I popped to McDonald’s. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Hang on Evo, in last Sunday’s blog you said you were trying to not spend money and now you’re running off to MaccieD’s, you fat fuck.’

Well there are mitigating circumstances. Due to illness I’d got home from work on the Friday and not left the house until now so a good bit of budget was still in my wallet. Secondly I was craving a Toffee Latte as I don’t go to said fat food restaurant much nowadays and. Finally I suspected the coffee machine in the Bescot Bar would be having one of its “out of service days.”

As I stated last week I love a bargain so opted for an extra value meal. I couldn’t go in McDonald’s and just order a coffee could I? I mean I know you can but had I, every member of staff along with all fellow customers would have pointed and tutted. Thy’d have been perfectly entitled too as well.

I got my food and fannied around on Facebook and Twitter. I got in the ground at 3.15. Opps.

Block 6 was rammed which was good to see. I couldn’t get near my season ticket seat, which to be fair is normal. I don’t even know where it is., never sat in it. It’s the back row but I usually can’t get near that line and go one or two in front. This time I stood next to Asps and had a good natter. At half time the Bescot Bar coffee machine was out of service but they were showing the game on a screen. It was packed in the bar and although it was only extended a couple of years ago it’s already getting to full capacity most games. Despite not drinking I opted to stay in the in there for “a bit.”

I finally ventured out at the 85th minute just as folk were starting to congregate along the pitch side wall. It was 1-0 as we headed into stoppage time. This is where we normally go to shit. Try and defend and throw it away. Different animals this season. With about a minute of added time left a perfectly weighted ball over the top from Taylor Allen was chested down by Nathan Lowe. We expected him to run into the corner. Instead he just banged it home for 2-0. Joyous scenes.

Through the illness my voice was wrecked but I was still joining in the full time chants especially the Lowe and Adomah ones. Then it was straight to The Locker.

Yet again it was pitch black in there. Not sure if this is trendy or what? I know dimly lit pubs are all the rage now but this has no lighting at all except on the dj decks and some flashing fairy lights around the bar. We can’t see where our friends are or if any slippery booze has been spilled but can see the bar. If Walsall fans know one thing, it’s where the bar is.

If they are going to persist with this perhaps they could start selling Walsall FC branded miners helmets. They’d flog millions though I bet some fans would soon be on Facebook stating their size is out of stock.

Needless to say it was ace in there. I was soon offered a lift with Badge (I honestly don’t know his real name) and he agreed to drop me by the Walsall Arms. Epic.

The Arms was busy and I was soon joined by John Heighway, Kimbo and Coxy. Spooky seeing Coxy as he’d popped in my head the day before as I thought I hadn’t seen him since he unexpectedly joined me at the urinal when I didn’t even know he was in the building after the Switzerland match in the Summer. “Alright Evo” he started “not seen you since you had your knob out. I’m glad he remembers it as fondly as I do.

He then asked why I haven’t been going to the games. I said I had been going to home games, though I failed to mention that I missed 3 on the bounce in Charlton, Notts County and Reading. I figured if the prosecution doesn’t know this, I’m not offering it. I finally showed him my season ticket. He then asked would he be mentioned in the blog.

“I’m not blogging about today Coxy”. “Oh go on, I want a mention.” “I don’t have any material>” “Just do a small one.” Me do a small blog? Perish the thought. I promised I’d try and rustle one up as he had caught me in a very rare good mood.

The karaoke was in full flow and was very jovial. Coxy asked me to do a song with him, no idea what but just as he asking the lady announced no more as she probably had enough requests to last until 2026.

Fellow Saddler Scooby went up, declaring “we are 12 points clear” then instigating a chant of “we are top of the league”. He then nailed “Never Forget” by Take That. Quite apt. I’ve not been away this season but I will never forget this season all being well. It’s been memorable so far.

I got a message from Laura asking if the darts was on. I replied yes. She asked if I was still there so I replied with a picture of my freshly pulled pint of HPA. A picture says a thousands words or something like that yeah? And you know I don’t like a word count.

We were soon joined by her, Pezza, my Niece Amber and her chap JB. Amber grew up by the pub but hadn’t been in since my birthday bash in 2012 when it was still a 2 room bar. It was good to see her back in there and she was on good form as per usual.

They had a couple and then Pez must have used his phone magic as suddenly all parties were brandishing bags of chicken from Danny’s round the corner to take home. I don’t do envy, it’s one of the Deadly Sins that I don’t dabble with but on this occasion a little.

They departed and I headed back inside. Coxy managed to do a song California Dreaming which is an absolute classic. He did a good job and I wish my voice would have let me join in, even if just the backing vocals (leaves am brown, skies am grey etc). It also had me craving a pint of Carling Premier.

I was surprised and also blown away by two ladies belting out some classic Limp Biizkit. The karaoke finished and I think I had one more beer before heading off for an early night as I had work the next day.

Magnificent day. Cheers to everyone involved.

Last Saturday was the shortest day in England. The least amount of daylight in the year. It was also the annual homecoming gig for Birmingham band The Twang. They do this gig just before Christmas each year and Josh has being going since 2012. Last year Pezza and myself got our first call ups for this event. Josh named an unchanged team for this year and it was nice for us to keep our places.

I didn’t blog about last years night. There was plenty of events though. During the song “You On My Shoulders”, Josh unexpectedly stuck his head between my legs and lifted me up. I was surprised somewhat and also worried. Not doubting Josh’s strength but in Boxing terms I’m no Flyweight. Possibly Super Middle or Light Heavyweight. I suddenly had visions of me falling backwards off his shoulder and smashing my head on the ground. I must have made a commotion as people in front looked round and Pezza commented that they looked very concerned.

Post gig we went back to New Street for the last train. Before it came in someone had an altercation with a member of staff on the platform, shoved him over and then bolted across the tracks when back up was called for. The guy reached an adjacent platform just as high viz bods appeared and he ran off down the tracks and into a tunnel. This delayed the trains departure.

On board we were joined by a random guy who befriended the group of ladies behind us, finding out that one was called Colette and he then spent the next 10 minutes singing “Colette, the best a man can get” as if he was in a Gillette advert.

The train showed no sign of moving and then an announcement came through that it would depart shortly but would only go to Hednesford not it’s full route to Rugeley. This caused a fight between two groups of passengers. You know on the films Airplane and Airplane 2 when there are announcements and everyone starts fighting? It reminded me of that.

We had to wait for the police to come. We were joined by Becki Floyd who came along the carriage looking for calmness, she found us. Finally we were put on a different train and the full route was reinstated. We departed an hour late, getting back in to The Registry just after 1am. Josh then made me stay until 4am.

So what did this years event have in store? Josh and Pez met up in the afternoon but I wasn’t down with that. I’d barely been out since the Pelsall day on November 24th so was a bit out of practice at the old drinking lark plus I’m currently under self imposed austerity measures and trying to limit my spending till March so I wanted a cheap day.

I finally left the house at 6, stopping at the Greggs at the bottom of the market for train food. It’s well documented that I don’t drink booze on trains but I’m happy to eat on them. I’d barely been in a Greggs since the pre Saturday overtime stone cold sausage, cheese and bean melt atrocity in 2022. It wasn’t this branch though and I was pleased to see it still open at this time of the day.

Last Christmas by Wham came on as I entered. I’d crashed out of Whamageddon on day 10 with a double Whamming so I was okay with this. I grabbed a baguette and headed to the counter. The friendly lass said I could have a coffee with it for an extra 30p. I didn’t want a coffee but I can’t resist a bargain and you have to look for value during austerity so I agreed. We discussed Christmas shopping while she prepared the drink and it was a nice visit. I left and got a message form Josh. They were catching a later train and summonsed me to The Met Bar. Train coffee quickly became gulped Park Street coffee.

It was busy on arrival. An indie version of Last Christmas came on. I couldn’t place it. Certainly not the Manic Street Preachers or Jimmy Eat World version the latter of which is my favourite.

This gave way to Warm This Winter by Gabriella Cilmi which is an absolute classic. We marvelled at Walsall being top of League 2 on the tv screens and it was a pleasant pint but soon it was chuff chuff time.

On board it took Josh all of seconds to comment on me not drinking on trains but producing a baguette. It was good though. In Birmingham it was straight in to Bachus Bar which is underneath a hotel opposite New Street. It was a new one for me and Josh although I remember me and Woza trying to tick it off on Pub 365 Challenge volume 1 in 2011 but it was either rammed or we were turned away. Possibly both.

It was rammed with some stunning ladies in delightful outfits. From there we headed to the venue which had changed from the previous year. It was now at the O2 Academy which I couldn’t place, Josh had said it was “by New Street” which threw me as it really wasn’t but as we approached I remembered it. This was to be my 4th visit having been before to see Idlewild with Chris & Laura, Shed Seven with Woza, Sarah and Gareth. This was the time I nearly pulled a really nice lady. Woza still insists it was an actual pull and that she was really keen but I am rubbish at reading the signals from ladies. I need them in flashing neon lights.

I also went to see James there with Tim Gwillam where we got to have a q & a with lead singer Tim Booth on the afternoon. Tim (my mate, not the singer) then took me for food in The Mailbox and a couple of pints before we headed back. So it was nice to be making a 4th visit with another set of people.

We were soon inside. I always have someone tall in front of me at gigs and this time it was a Peter Crouch wannabe. I didn’t want to see anyway which was good especially as he soon had his phone aloft above his head.

I can’t profess to being a big fan of The Twang but I know 3 or 4 of their tracks and I remembered some from last year. We moved out of Peter Crouch’s slipstream and I ended up behind a lady in a Santa hat. She moved back and I couldn’t retreat so then every time she moved her head her hat rubbed against my nose. It’s a good job I don’t have a raging Cocaine habit or the sniffer dogs of Birmingham would have had a field day on that hat upon her departure.

The “Shoulder” song came on. Pez and Josh had a quick committee meeting about whether a repeat of last year was occurring but they opted against it. I am noticeably heavier than last year which may have swung it. Crouchy didn’t put anyone on his shoulders either.

It was a cracking gig. Their big hit Either Way went down a storm and it was a great night. Listening to live music, with you and your best mate with your arms around each others shoulders is class.

Afterwards was another new place TOCA Social. Which 3 floors up was reached by 6 flights of stairs and needless to say I was the last of our group to reach the summit. Someone coming up behind me asked if I was ok. I replied “I will be when I get some Oxygen.” It reassured me that Sir Edmund Hillary I certainly am not. We were there to watch the Tyson Fury fight. We arrived during round 4 but I still think we saw more of it than the judges. Usyk must have battered Fury during the 3 and half rounds that we didn’t see as he didn’t do much during the rest of the fight bar round 11. When the result was announced the room was stunned. We slumped out and jumped in an Uber. We didn’t fancy the late night train antics again. I did see on Twitter the next day a couple of Tweets offering articles to explain how Usyk won but as a biased sports fan those didn’t fit my narrative so I didn’t read.

We got to Walsall and The Registry was mentioned. I’d only had two pints all evening so it was a yes from me. It was busy with lots of ladies in Santa outfits. Josh had one and went so me and Pez drank up and headed to The Watering Trough for “a last one”. There were a few in and the DJ was playing Slade and Meatloaf so all good. Pez announced he was getting a Wishbone takeaway. I pondered one more in Flans. Pez said he’d join me in Flans and order his food while in there. All sounded very new fangled but fine with me.

Flans only opens on Friday and Saturday nights nowadays so I don’t get to go in really. Don’t think I’ve been in all year. It was very busy though which was good to see. I got served straight away. A nice lady commented on the big head on my Carling. She then took a lick of it. I didn’t mind. It’s been a long time since a lady licked my head. Just a shame it was on a pint of Carling.

She was a good laugh though. Next she was rubbing the top of my actual head like a superstar DJ scratching on the hottest new white label vinyl in his collection. Then she was pulling her dress down and flashing her red bra at someone across the bar. Red is my 2nd favourite colour after white so I was fine with this.

Pez ordered his food and left at 2. Just as I was finishing my pint the DJ announced that he was going to play for an extra half an hour so I stayed for one more. He was on excellent form. He played The Love I Lost by West End featuring Sybil which is one of the best songs ever. This was followed by Red Light Spells Danger by Billy Ocean, which well what can I say? It’s one of the best songs ever.

Final song was Starship’s Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now which is a Walsall FC anthem and we’ve been pretty unstoppable of late and long may it continue.

I got home at 3am. Earlier than expected and well under budget. Exceptional day. One of my things for 2025 is more live music. And judging by those last two pints, more Flan O’Briens.

The Prince Of Wales Theatre in Cannock is earmarked for closure and I gather a consultation period is underway. Although I’m not from Cannock I know what a great venue it is, not only for the locals but also for drama groups across the region. A nod also to ale drinkers as Cannock Chase CAMRA have their wonderful beer festival there, something I have attended both as a drinker and a worker.

I joined AMCS (Aldridge Musical Comedy Society) in 2014 and 9 of the 13 shows I’ve been in have occurred on that Prince Of Wales stage. So here I look back over those shows and try and explain why this venue means so much to theatre goers and performers alike.

I’d never shown any interest in being a stage performer. Yes I enjoyed being in primary school shows but didn’t join any drama groups at secondary school. My first show with AMCS was Jesus Christ Superstar. May as well jump straight into the deep end eh? My mate Nick Britt got me into it, eventually after I ran out of excuses not too.

Me and Nick went to The Prince Of Wales to see a show called Our House. Although I’d been in the venue before this was my first time as a theatre goer, with the seats down and I looked over to the stage and it hit me that I’d be performing on it in a few weeks in front of capacity crowds. I just stood there dumbstruck with my mouth open for a good minute or two. Nick had to look back to see where I was. I’d proper gone into stand by mode. It was a great show though. We also went to see Brownhills Goes To Broadway by Brownhills Musical Theatre Company, another excellent show.

I was overweight. I decided in a bid to shed some timber in time for the show I’d give up the booze for 2 months, ending this at The Cannock Beer Festival. I hate watching myself back and rarely do, but I recently saw a clip from JCS and I was waddling around the stage like a fat penguin. It was like I’d tuned into Cringe FM. Note to self, don’t give up booze. It’s pointless.

Anyway the shows went well, I sold loads of tickets and having my mates chanting “Evo Evo Evo” as I walked out for the bows will live with me forever.

I only planned to do one show but was eventually talked into doing the next one Heroes & Sweethearts. Emma Wallage is very persuasive. This was a show for the 70th anniversary of VE Day put together and directed by the lovely Jools. A combination of wartime songs and traditional English anthems. My favourite part of this was a Dads Army style sketch performed by the 7 blokes in the show and written by Nick. My character had a very weak bladder and had to go for a piss about 4 times during the 5 minute sketch and the audience loved it. The other highlight was I got to be the only person on stage singing the opening verse of the show as a soloist in the song This Is The Amy, Mr. Jones.

One of the songs was I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts and during the line “some as big as your head” someone behind me would remove my hat and I’d point to my mossiv cranium. This earned me the nickname Coconut from a lovely lady in the club afterwards. I didn’t mind. I’ve been called much worse.

Although only my second show with the society I was already developing a taste for being the last cast member off the stage and on the final night I was keeping up with this when I doubled back and gave the audience a cheeky salute before the curtains closed. On the back of this my mate Mase said I had to the same but with a Ric Flair impression. I can’t remember the show but I did it. This was an epic show and remains one of my favourites.

Musical Memories was performed at Rugeley Rose Theatre but in May 2016 we were back at P.O.W for Thoroughly Modern Millie. On the Sunday of show week, we were in the theatre for band call and if you’ve been you’ll know the corridor which leads to the auditorium where refreshments and programmes are sold. We were in there with a 14 piece orchestra. It was my big day so they played Happy Birthday while everyone sang along. Marvellous moment.

On the back of this show I considered changing my Twitter name to Thoroughly Modern Mikee but that would have been utter cobblers. Nowt modern about me and my friends will happily testify to that. I’m not materialistic and don’t do gadgets or new technology. The most modern stuff in my house is food and some of that is out of date.

The magnificent panto Once Upon A Time was performed at Great Wyrley High School (they have a prper theatre set up, we weren’t in the assembly hall) but in May 2017 we were back in Cannock for Fabulous At 50, a concert to celebrate 5 decades of AMCS. Me and the delightful Sarah Carter who had teamed up to be Mary and Bert from Mary Poppins in Musical Memories were reunited twice in this one. Firstly in One Day More from Les Mis as the Thernardiers but also in a chaotic restaurant scene, the brain work of Nick. Sarah in this basically passed out and I had to show concern whilst trying to summon the waiter for another drink and shuffling off stage repeatedly for a piss. Can’t help but feel I’m a bit typecast in that respect but it was great fun.

Talking of One Day More on one occasion I was in the loo when the first notes started and I had to dash down the stairs with my scarf caught in my zip. This was a superb show and the one song with just the blokes “There Is Nothing Like A Dame” was phenomenal. On the last night the stage hands provided pizzas which was ace.

Smokey Joe’s Cafe was performed at Aldridge Youth Theatre but in May 2018 it was back to our spiritual home for West Side Story. I immediately ruled myself out thinking there wasn’t a role for me but was talked into going for Officer Krupke. Main memory of this show was my squeaky truncheon. There is one scene where Krupke is pushed over and during one rehearsal the squeak went off upon impact on the stage. The sound travelled in the empty auditorium but it got a big laugh. We disable the squeak in the dressing room afterwards.

We were back in Great Wyrley for Sleeping Beauty but May 2019 saw a return to Cannock for Me & My Girl with me playing deaf old man Sir Jasper Tring. Absolutely no method acting needed there. Tough show this one but the audiences loved it and I was just pleased to get through the Lambeth Walk dance without dropping a clanger although I will confess I shed no tears when finding out that I didn’t have to join this one until quite late in the proceedings.

November’s show was Magic Of Menken, a tribute to composer Alan Menken. This one caused some anxiety as during one song (Mine Mine Mine I think but willing to be wrong) the blokes had to launch actual spades. I was paired up with Nick for this and I was terrified that I was going to damage either him or the famous Prince Of Wales stage. Early practices of this were done on the car park outside our rehearsal studio. This was in full view of an old folks home. God knows what they thought.

Covid stopped everything but we were back in Cannock in November 2021 for a panto, Cinderella. Written and directed by Nick. Early rehearsals for this were held on an outdoor netball court which was strange.

I love panto. Getting to be silly on stage is just so me. I was Baron Hardup in this, Cinderella’s somewhat henpecked father. I had a great time playing opposite his wife Madame Waitrose played superbly by Sarah Hinkley.

My favourite part of this show was in The Palace Ballroom. Everyone was instructed to take their places for the formal dance. Hardup and Waitrose marched stage front and centre and stood there looking dignified. Then The Macarena started playing. I especially liked this as Sarah Beckett our Choreographer had told me I could get this wrong for comedic effect and believe me she never says this. So I got positioning wrong and even threw in other dances with a bit of YMCA action for good measure.

Too many good performances in this one to mention but Rich Beckett as Dandini, newcomer Bethany as Chardonnay and my stage wife Chante (real life wife of one of my besties Swill) as Buttons were all brilliant. Also big nods to Michael Mannion who stepped in half way through rehearsals to replace the original Prince Charming.

This was the toughest of all the show weeks as I couldn’t get any time off work and we’d just relocated to the other side of Wolverhampton. So it was up at 6am, work all day then straight to Cannock and get home around 11pm. All week. Gruelling but the audience response and the reviews made it all worthwhile.

Sister Act was next but I thought there wasn’t many roles for men in that so I sat it out and my God it was strange being in the audience at the P.O.W rather than being on stage. I’d been in every show since joining the society so it was weird. I did do front of house duties selling programmes with the lovely Christine.

My last show with AMCS was also in Cannock in November 2022 called Musicals That Rock. Including songs from Meatloaf and Green Day so it was right up my street. I can’t remember why but the wonderful Lucy Pountain flicking the v’s at me from up above during the last dress rehearsal at P.O.W was an amusing part of show week. Post how it was agreed that we rocked the ‘nock.

After this show I did front of house again for Dick Whittington The Secret Of Skull Island and Stages Through The Ages, two excellent shows. I love doing FOH especially when audience members that I don’t know say things like “oh, aren’t you in this one?”. One lady even pointed to her friend and said “you’re her favourite person in these shows” which I loved. Some people don’t like compliments but I lap them up, especially as I don’t get many. An unexpected development stopped me attending So This Is Christmas last month. It would normally take wild horses to stop me attending but this couldn’t be avoided. With things as they are that could be the last time AMCS perform at this wonderful venue.

So we need to save the place. Not just for performers and audiences but also the staff. I’ve got to know the stage hands, lighting and sound techies and of course the bar staff. There is a Save The Prince Of Wales Facebook group so feel free to join that.

I’m not finished with AMCS and I’d dearly love to tread the boards in Cannock with them once more.

So to summarise, I love the Prince Of Wales Theatre. Had great times on stage, so many laughs in the dressing room and post show beers when that bar in the pictures opens. It’s by the gents dressing room which is a result. My only regret is that I didn’t get to run across the empty Prince Of Wales stage in an inflatable pig costume like I had the pleasure to do in Great Wyrley. It got big laughs every show. And yes I’m mentioning this just so I can show the picture.

First job last Sunday was to see if my fence had survived the overnight 45mph winds from Storm Bert. Must be the 50 year old in me that as first thing in the morning I’m checking if my wood is still erect.

T-shirt ironing song on this occasion was The Zutons Why Won’t You Give Me Your Love? No explanation needed other than it is magnificent.

The number 10 bus was 15 minutes late and then went on a diversion throuigh Coalpool but soon I was in Shelfield ready to meet Chris and James. We’d arranged this sup up a month earlier and I’d duly booked the Monday off work but then numerous events conspired and I had to cancel that day. I asked, then pleaded with Chris for a much earlier start so I’d be home in good time to sleep the booze off and a reduction in the number of venues. Well, I got the early start and at 12.25 I was walking into The Four Crosses.

Chris and James were already there having also had a diversion to their walk when they discovered Harden Road flooded and they had to take an alternative route. Chris was quick to point out the first controversy of the day. His pack of Walkers Ready Salted crisps were out of a multi pack and not to be sold individually. I said pubs should sell complete multi packs. Imagine that, being able to buy a pack of 6 bags of Beef Space Raiders to go with your booze. This would boost the nighttime economy I tell thee.

Next up was St Francis Club. I thought I’d been in most of the licensed premesis in the borough pf Walsall but had no prior knowledge of this until Chris sent his route over in the week. Chris went in first and gave me the choice of doors left or right. I cracked my usual tedious jibe of never getting to go left on a plane so go that way. He stuch his head in and retreated. “There’s a party going on in there” so we went right.

James commented that the 3 pints and pack of scratchings came to £16. Fair play to Chris as he went up the bar and queried it. Turns out it is cheaper beer for members which is fair enough.

I had a ham cob which was priced at £1.55 and was ace. Chris commented afterwards that the blue bag it came in “looked like a dog poo bag.” He has such a way with words. I;m glad he told me this after I’d eaten though. It did get me thinking though, instead of hanging bags of shit on trees like some folk do, but instead hung ham cobs wouldn’t the world be a better place?

It was busy in our room but Chris mentioned that the other one was full of women. “So what are we doing in here?” I asked. We also talked crisps. It’s one of Chris’s favourite subjects. Although it was far too early to be festive as it was still mid November I did enthuse about the possibility of the Golden Wonder turkey and stuffing flavour that used to come out at Christmas coming back this year. I then told the anecdote about at a Northern January away game (I forget where) they were selling off cheap said crisps in the pub pre match. I had a pack then but after the game had the whole stock which was commented on heartily in the minibus. I think they lasted until March.

After a short while Chris announced the 2 minutes warning as he does ahead of every departure time. I asked for toilet directions and was provided with them. “How about if I take a wrong turn, end up in the room full of women and they make me stay?” I asked. “You never know” Chris replied “they might be waiting for a stripogram”. God imagine that. Actually don’t. I wouldn’t want to put that image in your head before breakfast of a Sunday morning. If I had done it though it would have put everyone heading to the buffet off the cocktail sausages. I didn’t take the wrong turn.

We walked to Pelsall. Storm Bert was still with us but his wind had calmed down to just the 16mph. Pelsall Cricket Club was next and I hadn’t even got through the door and I was being greeted by Helen Baker, one of the finest of my fellow Walsall FC fans. There was a Christmas Fayre going on with an outside Bavarian Bar and reindeer had just arrived. It was such a shame that the weather was absolute poo with wind and rain. Absolutely not Cricket weather.

I’d not been in The Railway since the long standing former gaffer (Tom?) left. It has nice new furniture and has had a lick of paint. All I Want For Christmas Is You was playing as we entered. Good job I was still feeling festive from the Cricket Club.

Chris had been on about beef and onion crisps all day and asking if I’d like some. I’d commented that it was highly unlikely as they’d been discontinued in 1980 (actually 1988 James found out). He then produced a pack from Ireland. I commented that you can’t smuggle your own crisps into pubs and that I wanted nothing to do with it for fear of being barred from everywhere in the vicinity under the Pelsall Pub Crisp Watch. I relented eventually.

Conversation in here was random from Chris claiming that the disproportionate amount of the different coloured sweets in Opal Fruits (as he and I still call them) is a scam through to James telling of a colleague that counts his Scampi Fries as he says he gets different amounts which James says is impossible due to them being sold by weight. Chris wondered how many Bacon Fries you got in a pack and I immediately thought he’ll have done a count somewhere by the next meet up.

The Queens is definitely the me pub of Pelsall. As I took the initial picture I didn’t notice the group in the doorway and the nice lady asked why I’d taken it. I told a complete lie and said I forget where I’ve been due to the booze and I like to keep a record. I don’t know why I just don’t like people to know I’m blogging. I really need more readers of this yet I don’t tell folk about it because I’m a nob. Imagine “oh you’re writing about a Pelsall pub crawl? I’d love to read that.” No, none of that ever happens. Bloody shyness. It was busy inside and free chicken drumsticks were on the bar which was very welcome. Music was good too. I’m sure Belinda Carlisle featured which is always welcome..

I mentioned about The Retro Realm (new arcade by Wharf Bar in Walsall Town Centre) opening on 6th of December and that I probably couldn’t go that weekend. This sparked a chat about retro games and we all agree that Paperboy is just the best game ever. I hope they have it in there complete with the handle bars like the old days.

Old House At Home was busy with diners so we sat in that little section next to the door which I’ve not been in before and we ended up at The Fingerpost. There was a dog sat at the bar which I fussed but it didn’t even look at me. I’m used to being ignored by the ladies but not dogs. Discussion in here was of retro sweets and my odd comment that I always buy white Bon Bons as it’s my favourite colour even though I prefer the yellow ones.

The day was rounded off with a visit to The Little Chippy which I’ve always wanted to tick off. Chris didn’t want his gravy so I wa given it. I know gravy on fish is frowned upon in some quarters but it’s sooo good and this was an excellent visit. Good food, friendly staff. Very easy on the pocket too as Chris paid. Top man.

Chris ordered an Uber and we were soon back in Walsall. They tried to get me to join them in the Wetherspoons but I was being good and ventured home, getting the early night I wanted to sleep the booze off.

Absolutely class day. This was my last blow out for a while so I’m glad it was a good un. Lots of busy places, friendly bar staff and as is the usual with Chris, crisps. Cheers James and Chris for a great day.