Evo Boozy Scribbler

Bek’s is a long established chip shop on Wolverhampton Street in Darlaston. Last year they opened their first franchise with a new shop in Aldridge. This arrangement recently came to an end with the Aldridge store taking on a new name. I decided to revisit both places to see which was best in an exciting head to head, belt busting investigation.

Bek’s. 10A Wolverhampton Street, Darlaston.

I’d been pondering this blog since the break up was announced by both parties on Facebook. Friday the 23rd was pay day. It was drizzling as I left work. I could have ambled home in the rain, or simply crossed the road and jumped on the 39 which would drop me by Bek’s. I gave myself the casting vote and opted for the latter.

This was my 3rd visit to original Bek’s but my first time reviewing it. I’d meant to on the maiden visit but that time I couldn’t get a shot of the exterior of the shop as there was a lass wearing jeans in the window and I didn’t want passers by thinking I was taking a picture of her arse. On the second visit I was just too excited.

There were no customers as I arrived this time so I got served straight away. On the first visit we had the additional entertainment of a drunk version of Mavis from Open All Hours trying to decide what he wanted to order so it was a shame he wasn’t about.

Cheesy Chips leapt out of the menu at me but I’d seen a Facebook post a couple of days earlier boasting of Bek’s new secret thick tasty chicken coating so I went for 2 pieces of that with battered chips. I’m currently trying to see how long I can go without a KFC (day 33 as I type this) so this was an easy decision.

I wasn’t expecting a drink but he handed me a paper cup and pointed me in the direction of the self service machine. I’ve not drank pop in over a year so went for the sugar free option of Pepsi Max as I love that even though the current “make it better” radio ads infuriate me. The meal came to £6.70.

The lad serving was very pleasant and wished me a good weekend as I left, and I love little things like that. The bag he handed me with the food in was huge. Anybody going past would have pointed and muttered “look how much food he’s got. Hope it’s not all for him the fat fuck.”

The food then? Lots of battered chips which were epic and the chicken, well it was two decent sized pieces and I thoroughly enjoyed the lot. If I still lived and worked in Darlaston I’d be here all the time. My Bank Manager and Doctor however are probably chuffed that I don’t.

The Parade, 8 Croft Parade Aldridge.

What was Bek’s in Aldridge is now called The Parade. When it opened as Bek’s myself and a former friend visited on the second day. As I shovelled my food down me he seemed more interested in trying to make friends with every customer that walked in. I remember thinking leave them alone, they want to order their fish and chips in peace then go home and demolish them. I did ponder the following week if there were discussions along the lines of “shall we go to Bek’s again?” “God no, that odd man might be there again.

I arrived this time a bit damp as it was raining. Standard behaviour from Mother Nature these days. A family were being served affording me time to study the menu. I wanted chicken and chips again (a) so I could do a like for like comparison and (b) as I’m still doing KFC cold turkey – day 40 as I write this. I feel like Jesus in the desert.

I appreciate that my eyesight has seen better days but I really couldn’t see chicken and chips on the menu. When I got served the lady confirmed they don’t do it. They only do chicken in nugget, strips or burger form. I don’t mind ordering nuggets in McDonalds but in a chip shop it feels it seems a bit kids menuesque for me so I went for the mini fish. chips and gravy which came to £5.50.

Service was quick and to doge the rain I opted to eat in. All the Bek’s history has gone off the wall to be replaced by a big picture of what I assume to be an American city.

The sexy yellow chairs remain though so I plonked myself down in the same position as my previous visit, I like consistency like that. The music was Heart FM and the first song was “This Love” by Maroon 5, a band in joint second place on my list of artists I’ve seen live the most times so no problem there.

Food was good, fish was amazing and at the bottom of the box was some of those battered bits that are so delish.

This was another good visit and with it’s location a couple of the doors away from the epic Turtles Head micropub it’s a good option when visiting Aldridge.

So which is best? I’m going to go all Harry Hill. I like Bek’s. I like The Parade. “Fiiiiight”. I’m going to cop out to be honest. I saw a reply on Twitter once to the ongoing who is better Ronaldo or Messi debate which was “can’t we just enjoy both?” and that’s the angle I’m going for here.

The Saddlers Club closed a few years ago and lay dormant until last year when work began on refurbishing it and it opened again on Boxing Day to a limited number of customers. Early reports weren’t good with comments being it looked bare and the seating being like a school canteen. It opened again against Wrexham before being given its official opening in January and by now new decor had been applied to the walls to make it look a bit more welcoming to us Saddlers.

Now called The Locker, season ticket holders and participants in the Walsall FC membership scheme can gain entry to the club for free but for all other patrons there is a £5 charge to enter, so it took me a while to venture in but after Tuesday’s dramatic late win over Accrington Stanley it was time to give it a whirl, although this decision was made easier by the club now closing the Bescot Bar after half time.

The foyer, the desk has gone as has the pay phone though the latter I guess being a victim of the times. It looks big and barren now but if any disgruntled away fans want a post match game of Twister with a Walsall fan to try and claim some kind of victory to take home, this space would be ideal. Plenty of room for angry onlookers and handy for the toilets.

I tried to venture in to what was the members room but it was in darkness. Apparently it’s been gutted with the pool room and darts sections now merged into the room.

So into the back room. The raised seating area has gone, as has the carpet and the stage. No soft furnishings now, it’s just hard benches. Paddy McGuinness says in his current On The Beach advert something like his buttocks were built for luxury so he won’t be popping in any time soon.
The bar is in the same place and there were a few people queuing as you would expect straight after the match and they were all served quickly. I joined my ace Niece Amber, Laura and Badge (that’s all I know him as) and it was mentioned that the room is different but feels the same and it’s right. I could still picture the long UTS table that used to run up the middle of the room.

The good thing about this being open and the other hospitality bars being closed post match is it means being able to see people that sit in other parts of the ground which was ace. Even seeing friend of the blog Coxy who I aint seen for yonks.

I got a round in and was looking forward to trying a NoFo beer, a brewery based in Georgia, USA that we all thought were going to be supplying an ale or two in here but it was just the standard fare. NoFo sponsor our training tops and their Twitter account @NoFoBrewCo proudly boasts we’m Walsall in their bio.

Beer is served in plastic glasses but at least they are the sturdy ones and not the type that you can squeeze as easily as dog shit in a poo bag. Please note that I have never done that, it was the first analogy that came to mind.

On to the toilets then. They were still pristine and smelt new. 3 cubicles but I didn’t check the status of door locks and toilet roll levels, having been disappointed by these aspects in the past. Square sinks, I love a square sink and two powerful hand driers. Not quite as sexy as Dyson Airblades but still good. I don’t mind missing out on the Airblades if the difference in cost is put towards signing Dave Okagbue in the Summer. I did want to take a picture of these pristine toilets but by the time I’d dried my hands another user was in. As you know from previous blogs, I get scared trying to take pictures of the outside of take aways so wasn’t going to take a shot of the loos when a man is at the urinal trough with his willy out.

So to summarise, I like the place. Maybe pad the benches and that will help. I’m pondering getting a season ticker for 24/25 so I can use this place at my leisure in the future. Hello, it’s early bird time already. I might sell my body to raise the £350 cost, but it would be worth it.

If you’re heading in The Locker before or after today’s game against Doncaster, have a good un. Come on you Saddlers.

I missed the Walsall v Mansfield match last Saturday, partially because I thought we’d get dicked and because I have a run of busy Saturdays coming up but I wanted to get another Brownhills visit in.

I took a leisurely stroll into town, making a slight diversion to take in Tower Street. I’ve recently joined the gym at the Gala Baths and I know that the exercise bikes in there look out onto the street so I make a point of walking past when in town even if I’m not going in. I like to think that this gives my gym buddies on the bikes something to admire while they are peddling furiously.

I was listening to Emily Dean on Absolute Radio, a lady whose voice I could listen to all day, this wasn’t an option though as she finished at 11 the same time as the number 10 to Brownhills which I made easily.

First up was Morgan’s Coffee Shop for breakfast. I visited this place last February and have been wanting to come back ever since. It was busy but there was a seat at the window. I needed the largest breakfast and mug of tea going and with both ordered I sat down and enjoyed watching the world go by.

There was a good mixture of people in and whilst I’m no eavesdropper there was some hood conversations going on which added to the ambience. The breakfast came quickly and was really enjoyable. It was another successful visit though I had to drag myself away at the end as the home made cakes looked amazing.

I strolled round to The Swan. Great pub but I’ve not been since the pre opening night jolly. As I’ve said before I’m a disciple to Salopian Brewery and they had a new beer of theirs on Broken Promise. Now I’ve received tons of broken promises in my life but this was a first in booze form. I surveyed the pub it was already busy but there was a section that was completely customer free. Perfect. I knew where I was heading. The beer was good and I enjoyed gathering my thoughts after a busy week.

Next up was The Jiggers Whistle. Another reason for today’s mission was to apologise to Colin and Teresa here for dropping out of the recent CAMRA Branch Meeting that they hosted, at the last minute. I grabbed a Green Duck ale and settled down. The music was superb in here, a real cross section of stuff and I liked it all. the highlight was The Housemartins “Happy Hour”.What an absolute tune.

There are no fruit machines in The Jiggers, I don’t play them anyway but I had a go on another type, put a quid in and won a tub of BBQ Pringles. Epic. The Jiggers appears to have the Walsall CAMRA Cider Pub Of The Year award bolted to the place and I always have a pint of cider to reflect this, but this time a curve ball arrived. A man walked in and ordered the Wye Valley 1985 lager, which I’ve not had since Jase had it on in Katz. It’s a beautiful drink, some friends of mine had been to see Bowling For Soup the night before and my favourite song of theirs is 1985, so I took this as beings God’s way of telling me to have a pint of it. So I did. And it was ace.

Shoulder Of Mutton was next. A pub I was scared in on my first visit, but on the second I was befriended by a local before I’d even got through the door and he gave me the nickname Noddy. I enjoyed that and every subsequent visit and this was no exception. Very busy so I perched on a stool at the end of the bar. No football scores show in here. The big televisions were showing either horse racing or the big Rugby Union M5 Derby between Exeter and Gloucester. At this point can I jst mention that I hate the M5? It’s shit.

I checked the Walsall score for the first time and yeah that match we were going to get dicked in? We were winning. The usual Walsalll FC way. Very enjoyable pint in here. atmos was good and there was a women in that reminded me of a lass I’m very keen on. Music was a bit random though and the only song I knew was Sultans Of Swing by Dire Straits which is ace.

I got a message. Josh was driving back from Hednesford through Brownhills and did I want a lift? I asked how long he’d be. He said 20 minutes. 20 minutes? Long enough for two pints. I supped up and dashed out in to the rain that wasn’t happening when I walked in.

The Jack Jigger Taylor is run by the same company as The Tap & Tanner in town so I didn’t need to check the beer range. I got served straight away and Inch’s was in order. Josh messaged to say he was outside. The 20 minutes had turned into about 7. I started necking so it was only a quick visit but long enough for Alex, nephew of the late great Clive Welch to come over to say hello. I’ve not seen him since the funeral so it was good to have a quick chat with him. Highlight of the day.

I met up with Josh, he dropped me off outside Katz and I had a couple of pleasant beers and some Walsall FC chat before heading home a very happy boy.

Friday was a random day at work with me showing off my now slightly developing biceps to my boss Dave and also comments about going up the back passage to the ever wonderful Carole. Half 4 soon came around and it was time to start the 5 day weekend. I was leaving work by a different way and for the first time going up the aforementioned back passage. I can get lost just returning from the toilets in a pub so wasn’t sure of where to go taking this route. Carole had assured me it was straightforward and offered to take me but at half 4 I was still fannying around with delivery notes and folders so I went solo and actually found the way. Sounds soft I know but the 3 Wise Men were going to see Jesus and they needed a star to show them the way so you know, we all need guidance occasionally.

It’s always good when the first post work radio song is a tune, and the Music Gods must have been in a great mood as on came Just A Day by Feeder which is a belter.

I walked along Pleck Road. Someone had decided to decorate the pavement with a pack of playing cards which was jolly nice of them. Some of them were face down and the Ace Of Spades is believed to be a sign of power and authority so needless to say this was one of the ones that evaded my sight.

As I approached St John’s Road, I looked left and right, always follow The Green Cross Code as I’m a good boy and I stepped into the road. A car decided that he didn’t want to wait in the line of traffic waiting at a red light and drove on the other side of Pleck Road before turning into the road I was crossing and I only saw him at the last second. It’s been decades since I read the Highway Code but I’m pretty sure that manoeuvre isn’t recommended in there.

I carried on noticing that the excellent chip shop Mother Hubbards is no more, now called Uncle Phil’s. I’ll have to give that a re-tick when I’m back on the chip shop reviews.

Absolute Radio announced that Duran Duran were coming on. I was at Champy’s just 20 minutes after leaving work. Why, when I work so close has it taken me 9 months to have a post clocking off trip? I stopped to take the obligatory picture and then saw Jo Collins, one of the first people to befriend me in The Fullbrook back in the 90’s. We exchanged pleasantries and she held the door open for me. The Duran Duran song turned out to be Ordinary World, which while a decent tune it’s no New Moon On Monday, so I switched off and followed Jo in.

There is no real ale here so I grabbed a well earned pint of Madri. Truly Madri Deeply indeed. The Fatman Scoop song Be Faithful came on. A song that I think is truly dreadful. I pondered going back outside for a bit of Ordinary World action but thought heading out and coming back in would make me look odd, but when has that ever bothered me? Fatman Scoop gave way to Mo Money Mo Problems by Notorious BIG which is epic. The Music Gods were back behaving.

I sat at a table and the people alongside me got their food and that was it. My nose was in the air like on one of those old Bisto adverts. My great mate “Comedy” Dave arrived shortly afterwards and we wasted no time in heading for the dining area. Me and Comedy both love the crispy chicken wings here, and if we came one day and they were the only things available we would be fine with this.

I managed to sit on a wonky chair and by the time I had fannied around and eventually swapped it the waitress had arrived to take our order. I hadn’t even looked at the menu. The waitress promised to come back. Note to self, get the crispy wings ordered then fanny about with furniture.

I perused the menu noting that a plain naan was £1.50 with a cheese one being £4. I wondered how much cheese I would be getting or did they buy it in from Harrods? At this time of day, a lot of the cheese in Mozza’s has those yellow reduced stickers on. They could easily have sent someone round to the one on the Fellows Park site.

I went for butter chicken, crispy wings and split the difference between the naan breads with the £2 garlic one, commenting that it wasn’t an issue as I would be unlikely to be snogging that evening. There was another hello this time with another Jo this one a lovely fellow Saddler. The food came out and it was epic and Comedy paid for it all which was thoroughly decent of him.

We departed and I noticed that a bus was due in 9 minutes, so I decided I was too fat to walk into town and opted to wait for it. It came 5 minutes early and was soon pulling up outside the Manor Hospital. In my 34 years of working since leaving school I think this is the first time I have been back outside my place of employment 3 hours after leaving it. We pressed on and the bus was in town at the same time it should have been picking me up from outside Champy’s. The driver put his out of service sign on, his lights off and departed. He must have been on a promise.

I opted to go to Katz. There was a kind of bring your own vinyl night going on and as I entered on came Everlasting Love by Love Affair. One of my absolutely favourite songs as a youngster. Pezza and Laura were in which was a nice surprise and Colin the barman who always calls me Andy was standing up the bar. In my excitement at the great song I accidentally called him Andy. Oh well what goes around eh?

Laura shouted me a pint of local brewery AJ’s Snap, Tackle & Prop which was in excellent nick. I went over to sit by Pezza who commented that I smelt like I’d been to Champy’s. Maybe the garlic naan wasn’t such a good idea.

Pezza took a selfy of the three of us to send to Josh. Sorry Josh for cheating on you with your other best Man.

I popped to the Walsall Arms to break up the journey home. Again great music timing was on my side, as I walked in as Working My Way Back To You by Detroit Spinners which is another childhood favourite was just starting.

It was busy in there but I got served straight away, this time a pint of my favourite Lemon Dream by Jaz the delightful landlady as I excitedly explained my love for the song.

I took a seat and was quickly joined by a man who I didn’t know asking me if I was by providing my full name. Turned out he went to my secondary school. He recognised me straight away even though I’ve lost hair and gained weight since I left. I didn’t recognise him or remember his name but he was in there with a lass from secondary school and two from my primary. I remembered the ladies though funnily enough. He introduced me to them all, which was nice as I hadn’t seen them in 3 decades.

It was a shame that I hadn’t bothered shaving all week, was sporting a carrier bag containing my work clothes, wearing a polo shirt that looked like it had been folded and chucked in a bag that morning and smelling like I’d been to Champy’s. What an impression to make after all this time. It felt like I was in an episode of Surprise Surprise. If Cilla was still with us I’d have half expected her to stroll in and start singing.

I had a good chat with him, he told me good news about someone who used to bully me and he bought me a Lemon Dream. All good. When I left school I hated the place so much I only attempted to keep in touch with 2 friends and this quickly petered out. I joined Friends Reunited back in the day but nothing came of that. Friends Reunited? Nice whooooo for Scott Mills there.

Dave rejoined his group, I enjoyed the music so opted to stay for one more. I tried to buy Dave a pint back but he insisted on buying me another. Fine by me.

I had that one and went home. Great and somewhat cheaper night than expected. I’ve now had a shave and smartened myself up.

The Summer of 1997 was an interesting time to be a Saddler. Legendary Manager Chris Nicholl had departed and we hoped to get a big name to replace him. We got who was to be fondly known as Big Fat Jan. Our first foreign manager which was exciting but he had been out of the game a while and had been running a bowling alley if I remember correctly prior to his arrival.

His first friendly was away at Bromsgrove on a glorious sunny day. Early signings hadn’t looked good and when Kyle Lightbourne our star striker who had departed in the Summer appeared in the crowd to watch, Steve Stuart asked if he’d brought his boots.

We won that day 3-1 but I remember little of the game other than when I was sitting on the terrace, just right of the goal eating sausage chips and beans when a wayward shot came right at me causing me to spill beans all down my t-shirt.

We lost away at Mansfield 2-1 which featured an exciting substitute appearance by a lad called Roger Boli. We won’t see him again was the general consensus as we all departed.

It was a pretty uninspiring pre season but we signed Boli which was pleasing. The final friendly was just a youth team jobbie at Bilston. We sat in the main stand just behind Jan and noted him going down to the dugout about 15 minutes in. Oh he’s not happy with something and going to make a change. No, he lit a fag. smoked it and went back to his seat.

The first month of the season wasn’t great. Victories over Exeter in both legs of the first round of the League Cup were the only wins until the last Saturday when the first league win finally decided to come knocking. And what a win it was. Another new signing Jeff Peron put in a ridiculous high cross which people behind me were moaning at but somehow Boli made a connection to it with an overhead kick. Simply one of the best goals I’ve seen live and initially nobody celebrated. Everyone was thinking did we just see that? Boli went on to grab a hat trick in a 3-1 win although coverage of this was lost in the coming days due to the death of Princess Diana.

It was halfway through September when we next won. This time away at Nottingham Forest in the next round of the League Cup. Paul Mitchell had got us a lift with a Forest fan who knew the key info as where to park and drink. A Justin Skinnner header gave us a memorable win at The City Ground. A Forest fan told me in the pub afterwards “you know we’ll destroy in the second leg?”. “You probably will” I replied “but you can’t take tonight off us.”

The home leg was epic, eventually. A packed Bescot, underneath the lights and live on Sky. We went two goals down but a quick fire Andy Watson brace put us ahead on aggregate amid scenes of pandemonium. “What is going on here?” being the Sky commentators puzzled enquiry.

League wins were still at a premium but Sheffield United were dispatched in another memorable night at Bescot in the cup. The cup run ended with a 4-1 loss away at West Ham but another memorable night.

In the 2nd round of The F.A Cup we were away at Macclesfield. The Macc Lads had just come up from The Conference and doing well and unbeaten at home in Division 4 while we were still struggling to win games in Division 3. Steve Stuart drove and we found a great pub. As soon as we walked in a Macclesfield fan fan approached us and asked “is there any good pubs by your ground?” “One or two, why?” we replied puzzled. “Because today is going to be a draw you know that?” Me and Steve fell over ourselves in our haste to accept the draw.

We went 2 up, Macclesfield were reduced to 10 men and we just took control. Jeff Peron put in one of the finest winger displays I’ve ever seen and how he didn’t score still baffles me. He missed one chance and made a donkey ears gesture to us. I asked at 6-0 if 6 was enough to have our score spelt out in letters on the results vidi printer. Nobody was sure. I turned round just as number 7 went in. “Now it will be spelt out.”.

On the way out I commented that Efe Sodje getting sent off had given us the green light to run riot to which Darren Fellows replied “I think you’ll find Sodje starting the game gave us the green light to run riot.” Me and Steve changed our mind about accepting the draw.

Our third round match against Peterborough was called off meaning we would be in the 4th round draw which was something of a novelty. A few of us gathered in The Fullbrook to watch us get Manchester United away. There was a collective cheer then a universal shit as the reality of still having to get past Peterborough hit.

A massive crowd went to London Road that night. A stunning display saw us win 2-0 amongst joyous scenes. I was living with Paul Mitchell at the time and we got home and it was all a bit subdued after a long emotional night . We stood in the Kitchen, not saying much. He fed the cats and it just hit us. “We’re going to Old Trafford.” Renewed joyous scenes.

I worked for a company called Corroy Products at the time and I got on really well with the rep from one of our main suppliers Resisser Screws. They advertised at Old Trafford and he’d said a couple of months earlier that if Walsall ever played at Old Trafford, he would get me in their box. We laughed. True to his word though, two days after the Peterborough game he came in specially to honour his word. I was grateful but turned it down. Everyone thought I was mad but an occasion like that I wanted to be in the stand with my mates.

We lost the game 5-1 to a full strength Manchester United but just seeing us score a goal there was ace. United treated us well and even Alex Ferguson said nice things about us afterwards.

The league season continued to be laborious but another chance of Wembley was looming. The 3rd round of The Auto Windscreens Shield saw us away at Bristol Rovers. I missed that one but but by all accounts it was pretty turgid. Boli hardly touched the ball as it ended 0-0 at full time. Jimmy Walker said afterwards that as the final whistle blew Boli rushed for the changing room and his face dropped when told that there was extra time. It was then explained that golden goal was in effect and next goal was the winner. Pretty much straight from kick off Boli went on a crazy run, scored the winner, asked “ok?” and dashed off the pitch.

We lost the first leg of the area final 2-0 but despite this a large crowed still went down to Bournemouth for the second leg. We went 2-0 up levelling the aggregate but straight away Bournemouth pulled one back. We went 3-1 up and dared to dream but again straight away Bournemouth scored again meaning we lost 4-3 on aggregate and our first Wembley visit was again out the window and a miserable journey home followed.

The league season petered out after that, although a stunning win at promotion chasing Watford occurred along with Peron’s only goal for us in a rare win over Wigan but I think we only stayed up because there was 4 worse teams and he was sacked in the Summer. The cup runs will be forever remembered. Big Fat Jan will always be in Walsall folklore. My mate Stubbsy who was running a cafe in Blackpool at the time and named his largest breakfast after him, and despite the dismal league form he will always be spoken of fondly by Walsall fans. This was apparent talking to folk before and during Tuesday’s win over Morecambe.

He didn’t get another job in English football management and went on to run a pub in the Wilnecote area of Tamworth and for many years my ambition was to go and have a pint with him. I finally got around to this in 2017, taking Blackpool Jane along with me, only to find he had left the pub two weeks earlier.

Thanks for the memories Jan, sleep well fella.

Tuesday was a very busy day at work, a bit stressful but I had football on the evening to look forward to, to help get me through the day. Walsall v Morecambe wasn’t likely to be a classic but an evening with lots of friends is always good.

The plan was to head into Pleck after work, grab food then meet Asps at the LMRCA Club on Wednesbury Road. Don’t ask what LMRCA stands for. I don’t know. If I ever own the place I’d change it to MCMLXXIV Club to signify the year I was born. Then again I can’t really try to make everything all about me, and we’d probably need planning permission for the sign to fit all that lot on.

I’d been a bit organised on Monday evening and done research on Google maps street view, trying to deduce if Prince Street off Pleck Road was a straight one and would bring me right out in Pleck. It wasn’t, I decided it wasn’t much of a short cut and opted to stick to the main road route and head past the former Brown Lion.

It was raining at half 4, so I sat in the foyer using the wi-fi to catch up on social media, hoping the rain would ease off. I was in no great hurry, Asps wasn;t due until 6ish. At 5 I headed out. Still raining but I had to press on. I turned right out of the hospital which makes a change. I do like to take different routes on my walks. It keeps stalkers, my enemies and government spies on their toes.

I got to the corner of Rollingmill Street and thought ‘ooooh, I could go down here, shortcut behind the petrol station, out onto Wednesbury Road. All down hill. This is the best idea ever.’ Ladies and gentlemen, I am the man who has made a million bad decisions in life. I was soon to find out that this was number 1,000,001.

First error. I was in a world of my own and looking down as per normal and didn’t realise until I was right upon it, that the one pavement on Corporation Street West is fenced off. I couldn’t be arsed to cross the road like a normal person would have, preferring instead to edge along the very thin bit of pavement not behind the fence while passing cars gave me good splashings.

The short cut? Well it’s not well maintained. Our roads aren’t so I guess a little used walkway isn’t going to be. It was unlit and I got a 1/4 of the way along and just about saw the massive puddle taking up the whole path. Nice quick u turn and back onto the pavement.

Finally onto Wednesbury Road. Or Wednesbury River as I think it was identifying as. Seriously the pavements were flowing with water. My favourite REM song is Find The River. Michael Stipe if you are reading, you could have found one here and mot had to leave your car to admire it.

It was like I was taking part in the triple jumpo as I ventured along trying to avoid puddles but it was hopeless. I was soaked. What’s the song us Saddlers used to sing? Oh yes, “going down the Wednesbury Road, to see the Walsall aces.” I started singing “going down the Wednesbury Road, to get soaking trainers and laces.”

My mind wandered off to The Crystal Maze and when contestants entered the maze through the Aztec Zone and had to get there via rowing boats, and I was just thinking how that set up would be useful now. When I reached the car park at the end of the road, Michael Stipe if you’re still reading, never mind finding a river. I had now found a bloody lake. I’d have needed wellies up to my arse before even thinking about negotiating it. This time I did cross the road.

I made it to Pleck and straight into Yum. I visited this place just after it opened in 2021 after being lured in by a leaflet through my door. It was so new they were doing a photo shoot with burgers as I arrived on that occasion. I’d enjoyed that visit and left with a cheerful “see you again soon.”It’s only taken nearly 3 years to go back. Quite quick by my standards.

I didn’t care about food anymore. I wanted a mug of tea, a towel dry footwear and maybe a hug. No hot drinks were on the menu and I didn’t ask about the other items. I went for the Mother Clucker chicken burger, hold the lettuce.

The food arrived quickly. They weren’t shy with the sauces. 6 sachets (ketchup beating mayo 4-2) and four other pots too. The chicken burger was ace. but I think another another 2 portions of fries were needed to see off all of those sauces. It was £6.50 for the food, he had offered me a meal deal but I didn’t want a cold drink so it may have been better value had I gone for that.

Back out into the elements and the short walk around the corner to the club. Absolute Radio decided at this juncture to play some AC/DC which really lifted my mood and I was soon up the bar in the club. I did take a picture of the club outside but it didn’t come out very well and for once I didn’t hang around to check.

When The Saddlers Club at Bescot Stadium closed down, The Independent Saddlers Supporters Association (ISSA) set up this club as an alternative venue for Walsall fans to drink on match days, which was well received as drinking options by the ground were already limited and we’ve since lost The Fullbrook and The George. From here ISSA have launched many projects for the benefit of the local community, the most notable was subsidising a hot food van to provide the staff of the Manor Hospital free food during the pandemic. Before my time there though or it might have needed a bit more subsidising.

I joined Asps at his table, and it was ace to see him having not done so since we went to see Belinda Carlisle in Birmingham last February. He informed me that the match was subject to a pitch inspection and before I’d had my second sip of beer it was called off. Oh well.

We had a good catch up and a laugh. Asps then gave me a lift home which was very much appreciated. Part of the route including gong through Walsall’s red light district, which in it’s heyday brought almost as many visitors to the town as the famous Illuminations. There were no prostitutes about this time though. They must have got a bit wet and gone home.

I was home just as the match would have kicked off so time for a jokey Facebook status update saying that I hadn’t expected a big crowd at the game but I’d just arrived at the ground and it was deserted.

I soon had dry feet, a big mug of tea and music on. I’ve recently rediscovered the amazing REM song Strange Currencies, which is one of my faves but not heard in years so I gave that a blasting and reflected that the evening had been alright in the end.

Last Saturday the plan was to get up early, go to Jack & Ada’s for a mossiv breakfast, do a big food shop, housework then writing and editing. Especially as I’m so close to finishing Greg Doesn’t Date, that 6 episode daft show I’ve been working on for a few months.

It half went to plan. I had the lurgy, couldn’t sleep so I was up at half 5, sitting on my settee whilst drinking tea and listening to George Ezra. I’d been meaning to research a George Ezra song for two weeks but hadn’t got around to it, so then had seemed like a good time. The song I was after was Paradise. I wasn’t a fan of George’s early work but I love Paradise.

I made more tea, fannied around on social media and went back to bed in time to listen to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I got back up at half ten and all of the mornings plans were binned. Writing and editing? I didn’t even turn the pc on.

The mossiv breakfast? I just about made it to town in time to grab a sausage, bacon and egg sammo from the red van at the bottom of the market before catching the train to the match.

I know I’m 49 now and feeling it but those stairs at Bescot Stadium Railway Station don’t get any easier do they? Our local MP Valerie Vaz has been pushing for a lift to be installed here. Come on Double V, crack the whip. Chase those votes. While you’re at it, if they could also build toilets, a Costa, small W H Smiths and maybe a micro pub on the waste land behind the ticket office then footfall for said station would go through the roof. Using the new lifts of course.

The match day experience is on the up. The Locker (nee Saddlers Club) was officially opened before kick off, although as I’m not a season ticket holder or a subscriber to the football club’s official membership scheme it would have been £5 in, and as it was 2.50, and i wasn’t drinking anyway I didn’t head in but will soon as i need to review it. There was a welcome return of a food van by said club and there were pop up bars at either end of the lower tier. All good.

The match was scrappy but I timed my run to perfection for the Bescot Bar at half time, reaching the coffee machine just before another customer and noticing it going straight out of service after he got his drink. Meanwhile next to us, it was my ace Niece Amber’s turn to try and get some joy out of the roll a 6 to begin snack vending machine which eventually yielded a return.

Talking of Amber it was wonderful to see her along with my Great Niece Frankie, as well as many other Saddlers including friend of the blog Elliot Garbett who kindly invited me for drinks in The Pretty Bricks which I still need to retick now it has new gaffers so that will happen soon. I may even report on it here.

The second half was also scrappy and I found my mind wandering away from the game and more on what squad I would assemble if I was Berwick Rangers manager. I once had an unsuccessful spell in charge on Championship Manager 97/98, but now they are out of The Scottish League expectations may be lower. The squad I was finalising was looking good, all pundits would have been impressed even Roy Keane but the final whistle blew and I had to dash for the train. The run slowed as I reached those stairs again.

I needed a train to the Tile Hill area of Coventry, as it was a night out for Craig’s birthday and as I reached New Street I saw a West Midlands Trains service that was due had been cancelled. The next one was half an hour which gave me time to have a mooch around. I needed food and I was still suffering with lurgy, and was so bunged up I decided a packet of Tunes would also be handy.

I got to W H Smith, and guess what? No Tunes. Are they not a thing anymore? You’d think a railway station would be the one place they would be on sale following that advert in the 80’s. Firdt cladd dicket to Noddingham and all that. They don’t want that at the ticket office. Lockets or Soothers so I went old skool with the former. I grabbed a prawn sandwich, yes yes I know but I never turn down corporate football (except when we played at Old Trafford in 1998).

At the checkout I also asked for a scratchcard. I heard my words, and because of the lurgy I barely understood what I was saying myself. What chance did the bloke serving have? Not sure if he pulled off too many in error but I got two scratchcards, the total came to £7.60. I hadn’t been brave enough to look at the price before I got the sandwich from the fridge. With the way I was talking I could have had no complaints if he’d handed me 20 Benson & Hedges and charged me £60. And I’m not a smoker.

The shop had Valentines Day stuff on sale. Great. The season where I am reminded I’m single every time I walk in a shop is upon us, and like Christmas it gets earlier every year. Oh well, get this day out of the way and the shops can start stocking up on the Halloween merchandise.

I demolished the sandwich, popped a Tune and headed for the loo. The sink had those new fangled handlebar taps which include the dryer. I always struggle to use these and this was no exception. I made a joke of it to the nice lady who was cleaning the sink next to me and we exchanged pleasantries. The Tunes had worked and I was now talking normally again. I wished her a good day and headed out. Oh my God, me talking to a woman. Right, I’ve mastered it in men’s toilets, just got to get the hang of it in pubs.

The next train had now been cancelled and the one half an hour after that was showing as departing from Birmingham International. With all this free time now on my hands I could have run to McDonalds on the ramp for a cheeseburger and saved a fortune on the prawn sandwich. I text Craig and he just said to get an Avanti train to Coventry and he’d pick me up from there. Plan. And it worked a treat. A train was coming soon, so I found the Avanti ticket machine and managed to grab an evening ticket to Coventry for just £2.80. Although by now I was past caring and would have paid £60 as long as I got a free 20 pack of Benson & Hedges.

Craig picked me up from Coventry Station, we parked up and set off for the first pub, I thought we were out in Tile Hill but when I was over there a couple of weeks ago in a pub called The Newlands, I didn’t realise that a queuing system was in place at the bar, so I just marched up and found a space, as you do. Well as you do in normal pubs. Another customer took exception to this (waiting until he was about to walk away with his drinks before piping up), and I’d already been wound up when I indicated to the barmaid that he was next and he didn’t thank me.

I went to the toilet in there shortly afterwards and all 3 urinals and the cubicle were vacant but I held back in case of a queuing system in there too. This got me thinking. If there was one in there I’d like it to be like in a bank. Rope to stand alongside and automated announcements. “Urinal number 2 please” or “Cubicle is free. Enjoy your dump” etc etc. Anyway Craig must have not wanted to risk another round of queuegate so took us elsewhere.

First pub was New Spires in Coundon. This was completely decked out in England flags which got my approval. Crags found a table announcing “we’ll sit here so we can watch the darts and the football.” I looked up, a lad and his missus were playing darts. I found it a bit odd that Craig wanted to watch this. I sat down, took a swig of my pint and then noticed the massive screen on the other wall showing MVG v RVB. I’m such a dumbass at times.

We jumped in a taxi, well nearly the wrong onet o start with. Craig booked one which was white so he saw one outside and went to dive in, only for ours to be another white one that was just pulling onto the car park.

The plan had been to have a pub crawl but at The Old Clarence in Earlsden, our next port of call Craig had a £25 bar tab which he’d won at a quiz. This payed for 6 pints of Strongbow Dark Fruit which we set about but first had an odd exchange with a local who accused Craig of sounding like a southerner. Craig explained that he’s a Walsall lad living in Cov but to no avail. He expected me to jump in and stick up for him but my voice had returned to lurgified status and I didn’t want to do the Walsall accent a dis-service so I resumed my default stance of not talking to people I don’t know.

The ciders were good but as you know, with pleasure there has to be pain and that came with the DJ playing Believe” by Cher. Although some of this was drowned out by everyone tutting.

It was curry time. The restaurant had no visible sign that I could see, just an arrow pointing up the stairs with words saying “check out our rental places”. What was going on? Was Craig taking me to a late night estate agents? Had he secretly found a flat he wanted us both to move into? My mind started thinking of weekend mornings and Craig heading out to grab the sausage and egg McMuffins, returning to present them to me in bed. Yes my imagination runs wild at times and I should get it checked by a professional.

It was actually a curry house at the top of the stairs, but unlicensed. Craig knows my stance on these but to fair it was his first visit and he didn’t know. I refuse to take my own booze to these places but Craig dashed to the shop across the road and just made it before it closed, returning with a 10 pack of dark fruit. I accepted one just to keep him happy for his birthday.

The people on the next table got their food and they all had curries in those big satellite dish style bowls that used to be common in Walsall. This excited me. We ordered and the starters came quickly, I’d only eaten half of my first poppadom. I only had one Nargis Kebab during 2023 but I’m pleased to say that 2024 is going better as this was to be my second of the year and it was ace.

Craig’s main came out first, in the big satellite dish bowl. My chicken tikka massala came out in a normal bowl. It was an okay size but I wasn’t going to be picking up MTV2 on it. The food was ace, service really good and full marks to Crags, he’d picked a good un. Great food, great company and another free cider. Paradise running through your bloody veins to quote George Ezra.

We went back to his and played a beat the into music quiz where I had to name the artist and title from the 50 best selling songs of 1999, with a point for each part answer. I scored 97 out of 100 but the final one was an absolute bag of wank I’d not heard of which cost me 2 points. I was accused during this of being a secret B*Witched fan due to how quickly I identified Jessie Hold On and Blame It On The Weatherman. I will confess that I have belted out the former hundreds of times whilst washing up.

Class day. I didn’t win on the scratchcards though.

   

 

I left work on Thursday in a good mood. I’m glad to say that this is pretty standard. I’ve been at the Manor Hospital 8 and a half months now and have only left in a bad mood a few times, the most recent of those due to the antics of a delivery driver that looks like Sergei from the meerkat adverts. Thursday however there was an added spring in the step for 3 reasons.

(1) the first song on Absolute Radio was Cryin’ by Aerosmith. Absolute tune and although I resisted the urge to sing out loud, I did give it good portions of lip syncing and the nurses and patients mingling on the West Wing corridor would have been in no doubt that I was enjoying myself.

(2) it was light as I left, always guaranteed to lift the spirits and I celebrated by walking into town along the canal, something I haven’t done since the nights drew in.

(3) I was heading for light refreshments. Always a mood enhancer. I have been going to Josh’s for Sunday dinner lots of late so to repay the favour I’d offered to take him to The Registry for tea. Yes, there is a special offer of food for a fiver at the moment so I know I appear like a tight wad but you know it’s January, times are hard and I love a bargain.

We hadn’t confirmed anything. Josh had said he would have to sort baby sitters if he could and wouldn’t be able to come out till 7. By the time I got to The Reg I hadn’t heard off him so took it he couldn’t get baby sitters so I ordered food and drink. I sat down and he messaged saying he would be there at 7. We got there in the end.

I’d taken advantage of this offer the week before with the fish and chips. I’d requested no peas but it came with them anyway. I left them, apologies to John and Norma Major if you’re reading. This time I went for lasagne with a pint of Inch’s which came to a total of £8.20. Bargain.

The music was good starting with Amazulu’s Too Good To Be Forgotten, some indie goodness then Kylie’s Better the Devil You Know which is a perfect a pop song as you can get.

The lasagne came quickly and was soon put away. Gary Timmins and Micky Mullen turned up so I had a chat with them. Gary had the honour of opening the newly refurbished Wetherspoons and pouring the first pint which must have been ace.

Josh arrived and went for the chicken wrap. I didn’t want him to eat alone so I looked at the starters. You can have 3 for the price of 2 so I decided to have two and offer Josh the third which he declined. So I had all three. Scampi, chicken goujons and bbq hunters chips. With another pint of inch’s. Josh was driving so had a J20, but I suspect he was envious of my cider. It’s not often another man is jealous of my Inch’s.

The starters were amazing and I shovelled them down like how The Simpsons eat their food. Happy, it was time for us to check out the refurbished St Matthews Hall (Walsall Wetherspoons), which reopened earlier in the day. Before the refurb we’d heard reports of the conservatory being extended, the toilets being moved (I was just hoping the leak under urinal no 2 would be fixed) and the upstairs section of the back part being reopened. None of these happened. The place was painted, new lighting installed, new carpet and furniture, cellar work and theconservatory was replaced with a new build. The faulty handdrier was fixed but there was still moisture under urinal no 2.

A nice barmaid called Demi told us all of the work that had happened and the place looks good, it smelt new and the beer was top notch. When I was in there on New Years Eve. Chris Kelly was saying that they should install a fireman’s pole to get down from the toilets. As it’s unlucky to cross on the stairs, this would save the issue of you getting to the top as someone gets to the bottom and then you have to gesture to each other as you work out who has right of way. Plus you’d get back to your drink/up the bar quicker so it would have been good for Sir Tim. Shame it didn’t happen.

We sat in the back part and the plastic books that used to light up have now gone which is a shame. Josh asked me about pubs in town and about the new ones that sprung up around the late 90’s. Talk about being in my element. If universities needed lectures on this subject I’d be raking it in.

Josh had to head off but he dropped me off outside the Walsall Arms. The fire inside was roaring, which was a welcome sight as was Lemon Dream being on one of the handpulls. I then spotted a new exciting addition to the wares on offer in there. A big jar of pickled eggs. I asked Alison the barmaid if they were trying to get me in there every day. After a pleasant pint by the fire it was home time.. I try to be in bed by 10 on a school night these days and I just about made it this time.

Talking of Josn, on Friday night he started a challenge to walk from Coventry City’s ground to then visit all the pro West Midlands clubs ending at Bescot Stadium. I asked if he was pleased that Coventry are no longer playing at Northampton. Anyway he did this on his own, in freezing cold temperatures to raise money for Cancer Research in honour of a fellow Saddler Mark Rainer who sadly lost his life to Cancer recently. He would love any donations which can be made on this link. Thank you. https://gofund.me/661dd320

I was a bit more flush in January than I am nowadays so I thought I’d rejoin The Light Cinema’s subscription service where you pay £15.99 a month but can watch all films free and get discounts on food and drink. I’d been a member previously but gave it up in 2018 when my then housemate moved out. And despite still needing a new house buddy I thought I could afford the fee no probs, though times were to change. It was quite straightforward to rejoin online, the longest part being choosing which picture of myself to use.

Swill is already a member and delighted to hear I’d rejoined. We quickly planned a film to go to see. First up was M3GAN. This was Swill’s choice. I had a vague idea that it was about a doll that went a bit loopy so thought it might be a bit Child’s Play-esque. When I arrived Swill was already there and deep in conversation with the lad behind the counter. Swill in a nutshell. He can talk to anyone about anything. I can only speak to people I know well and if the conversation is about me, pubs or Walsall FC.

I was excited heading up the escalator. After many visits, I was finally getting to tick off screen number 1. Remember the ABC/Cannon where screen 1 was the biggest by some distance and had the best curtains? I’d have loved those curtains when the place was flattened, although I’d have settled for the crinkly effect ones out of screen two. Anyway screen 1 at The Light isn’t quite as exciting. No curtains and I’m not sure if it’s bigger than the others.

The film was great. Swill chose well. Lots of people and a dog killed by the doll. Thoroughly enjoyed this one.

You wait years to tick off screen 1 and then get it twice in a row as I went to see Cocaine Bear next. Again I didn’t know much and whilst some people didn’t enjoy it, I really did. Another high body count and the ambulance scene was brilliant. I recommenced this if you like films that don’t challenge or make you think.

My plan was to go twice a month to make the subscription worth it but me being me it wasn’t happening. By the end of February I’d been just twice and it was around May when I next visited. It took the lovely Jennifer Lawrence to stir me back into action. I’d not seen her in a film since Passengers in 2016 so jumped at the chance to see her in No Hard Feelings, a film in which she is hired by a wealthy couple to date their shy son. Decent film this with some good scenes, the naked beach fight one being the highlight.

Fast forward to August and my next jaunt. By now I had got it into my thick skill after 4 months of working at the Manor Hospital that The Light is just around the corner and finally the after work movie scene was launched.

I went to watch Haunted Mansion. This was purely to test RunPee, an app that I’d recently downloaded that advises the best time to go for a piss during a film. I knew that 1 hour and two minutes in, a character called Gabbie would put some eggs on a table and say “just pick the shells out” and that I’d got 3 minutes 20 to go and relieve myself.

The film was a 12A, the new kid on the block of British Board Of Film Classification ratings. I’d not seen a 12A before or even it’s predecessor the 12. I knew that a 12 meant nobody under that age could watch but didn’t know what a 12A was. It was a a ghostly film but not quite on a par with the levels of Halloween hence its lower rating. Decent enough film and I timed the piss dash to perfection. I got home and did research. A 12A means kids under 12 can watch if accompanied by an adult. Hope you didn’t know that because I like to think that after almost 2 years this blog has finally been educational.

Next up was Cobweb, a film with no hype, all I knew was it was a horror but the big draw was Lizzy Caplan who I took a shine to during her portrayal of Amy Burley in series 1 of True Blood. Decent film with some good deaths but very odd. Odd film of the year by some distance.

Halloween saw me yet again trying to avoid trick or treaters so instead of sitting in the pub instead I went to watch Five Nights At Freddy’s. The auditorium was busy, probably the busiest I have seen it. Maybe it was a well hyped film, it was half term also but I suspect everyone like me was hiding from trick or treat.

The lovely thing at The Light is just before the film starts, a member of staff comes into the auditorium and greets you, gives some rules and wishes you an enjoyable film. I don’t know if it was the lass a few seats along’s first visit but when the staff member gave his loud cheerful “hello” she jumped out of her skin and gave a loud “fucking hell”. The lad got cheered and a round of applause when he finished his speech.

The film is based on a video game which may have swayed me not to bother had I known. More good deaths but probably the worst film of the year for me. There was a distressing scene where a pinball machine was smashed up.

As is standard for me when I get home I go on Wikipedia to read up on the stars and I was eager on this occasion as I didn’t know the main two. Oh, I do. The main guy was played by Josh Hutcherson who was Peeta Mellark in the 2 Hunger Games films that I’ve seen. To be fair it’s been a decade since I watched those and he has grown up a bit.

I was talking films with my colleague Tom one day and commenting on how you don’t seem to get 18 films anymore. I wondered if 15’s were allowed to be more graphic these days or if potential 18’s were toned down to try and get a bigger audience. Low and behold, a week later an 18 popped up on the listings.

The Royal Hotel is an Australian film featuring two American backpackers who get jobs working in a rough pub. When the 18 certificate came on the screen it advised of strong language, and the landlord of the pub used the C Bomb in one of his first sentences.

Enjoyable film this but yeah the adult rating was purely for the language. I’ve seen better fights in The Fullbrook.

Next up was to be a Sunday evening visit to watch Bottoms about two gay lads who set up their own fight club, but I got to the petrol station on Springfield Road, bought a grab bag pack of Prawn Cocktail crisps to eat on the way, then decided to go home and demolish them there instead so I missed that one.

Dream Scenario is probably the best film I’ve seen this year. I mentioned on the day to Tom that I’d never seen a Nicholas Cage film before so I was well up for this one. A phenomenon starts where people start seeing Cage’s character in their dreams. It all starts well but then when something goes wrong in real life he starts getting violent in the dreams and people take it out on him in real life. Great film and I recommend it.

The Jester was another horror film, and this was villain of the year. I loved the creepy sinister but smartness of the title character. More deaths, some comedic but I didn’t understand the end and there was no Wikipedia page for me to read up on afterwards.

So you know that lack of 18 films yeah? Well the following week I was off to watch another. Thanksgiving starts with disorder at a Black Friday sale and as an Englishman who doesn’t really get Thanksgiving and Black Friday I just took this as a low budget, let’s kill people flick. The sole reviewer on RunPee gave it a grade of D+ so I wasn’t expecting much. Wrong, the disorder in the store scene was immense, the killings good and I didn’t guess the killer, having opted for the easy option of the most likely candidate. Great film.

With that run of films I’d been to the cinema 3 times in 5 days and was starting to think the staff might suspect me of stalking them so I gave the place a break for what turned out to be over a month. There was a one off showing of Die Hard, my favourite Christmas film on December 15th. However that is too early in the month for me to be getting festive so I gave it a miss. I know a minority of people say it’s not a Christmas film and while I respect their opinion we cannot let them win. If they do, next they will be saying Halloween isn’t a Halloween movie and heaven knows what after that.

My final visit of the year came on the 28th and another straight from work trip. It was tied between Wonka and Anyone But You. Wonka appealed due to stars of Peep Show being involved but I thought it would look odd with an old man going to watch a kids film, so I opted for the latter. I’ve never watched a romcom before but this sounded good.

I got there early as I was having a rare treat of food and drink in the form of hot chocolate and garlic bread. Both were good but I ate downstairs as I reckoned the good people of screen 5 didn’t want the place stinking out of garlic. I also figured that with garlic breath there would be no kissing in the back row of the movies on a Thursday night should I have encountered a nice single lady. Oh well, The Drifters won’t be coming to me for song idea inspiration.

Anyone But You is based apparently on Much Ado About Nothing, it started well with me relating to the bursting for the toilet and subsequent wash basin mishap in the first scene. It was a good story line with a nod towards Meet The Parents once or twice. I thoroughly enjoyed the film and even shed a little tear at the end. God I’m getting soppy in my old age. It was also nice to see a film without lots of deaths for a change. At the end credits there was a recreation of There’s Something About Mary where the cast are performing Build Me Up Buttercup in previous scenes. The cast of this film do it to Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield and I’d have loved to have been one of the extras giving it portions in the aeroplane.

So that’s it then. I’ve now paid for membership for 12 months so I think I can cancel, which I may do as I still didn’t get enough use out of it but I’ll ponder. Swill messaged on Friday night saying he is going to do the cinema more in 2024 so that may swing it.

Thanks for reading my blog this year. Wishing you all an amazing 2024.

December marks the month of Whamageddon where participants try to avoid hearing the original version of Last Christmas until midnight on Christmas Eve. I’ve gone out on day 1 the last two years so was hoping for better this time.

I got to work at 7.30 on the 1st and checked my phone. Hmmm, a message. What could be so important that someone has messaged this early? It was my great mate Matt Mason. He was already out and fuming. But yes, it was important.

We have Heart 80’s on at work but I explained the situation and it was agreed that it would be swapped to Heart 90’s for the duration. Good start.

Day 2 was the postponed Alfreton match drinking session, but I survived that and on the Sunday Josh had invited me round for dinner. He drove me back afterwards and put the radio on. On came that Mariah song. “Have you got a Christmas station on?” I asked somewhat urgently as the song was finishing. He confirmed that he had so I explained the situation. What came on? Only bloomin “Underneath The Tree” by Kelly Clarkson. He was reaching to change the station. I hadn’t heard this song yet this year at the time. “No no no, leave this on” I yelled. Now Josh and I are very close and he’s seen me in all kinds of emotional states like Walsall FC induced joy/despair, drunkeness. skintness, pre best man speech nerves etc but panicking at Christmas songs is surely a new one. Anyway I got through the first weekend.

I don’t get to listen to Absolute Radio after 8am usually but I was off on the 4th and 5th and they do a feature where they report on people being Whammed. My favourites this time were the stadium announcer Whamming the whle crowd at Northampton v Portsmouth and a bloke who said he got Whammed at his son’s primary school Christmas Fete. His wife had laughed at him when it happened and he swore at her in front of his son’s teacher. I love this kind of stuff.

I had to go to New Cross Hospital on the 4th and they had Greatest Hits Radio on in the waiting room. I was nervous about this, even more so than the procedure. Every time a song ended I’d glance nervously at the screen. Fortunately they announced that a Golden Hour type feature was coming on and from the initial clues I knew that it was 1977 so I could relax for a bit.

On the Saturday I had to go to ASDA and on the way out I had a cheeky toilet which is standard procedure. Do They Know It’s Christmas was happily playing as I went about my business but as it finished I had this feeling that I was about to get Whammed. The hand dryer drowned out the last bit of DTKIC?and I pondered staying there for the next 5 minutes. Somebody walked in though and I panicked and tan off. I can’t remember what was playing but it wasn’t even a Christmas song.

Cover versions are allowed to be heard during this period and one day Radio X played the Jimmy Eat World version which whilst magnificent, I had forgotten about it. It was a nice guilt free treat to hear that and I’ve played it numerous times since.

I thought the 14th would be the day it was all over. Craig and myself were going to a Christmas quiz at The Fountain. It was very busy, another magnificent ham cob was demolished but there was a festive music round and he was playing seasonal numbers in between question. I felt like a sitting duck. Well not, quite. Despite being defending champions from the previous quiz we had to stand at the bar for the first two rounds. The high table by the shelf full of bric-a-brac became available. I sat closest to the shelf and started to ponder whether it would be some bric or a piece of brac that I would launch when the inevitable happened. Except it didn’t. No sign of that song at all, and we retained our title with an increased majority. I say we. Craig won is more realistic. I didn’t even get the answer right that I knew about the kinds of settings that the 3 wise men traverse while following yonder star.

The following day word reached me from my colleague Tom that everyone on Ward 1 had just been Whammed by Smooth Radio.

I was in Birmingham on the Saturday. As I walked to the Post Office Vaults 3 lovely ladies were singing it as we passed. Again covers are allowed and they sang it well but I didn’t stop and applaud as I needed a pint.

On the 18tn there was an early morning scare. Ian Payne on LBC was doing a countdown of the greatest Christmas films and playing clips. At 4.45 just as it was finishing somebody text in mentioning Last Christmas. I didn’t even know there was a film about it. As I panicked and reached for the off switch Ian mentioned Whamaggedon and referenced the Northampton incident. Phew, the closest call yet.

It ended on day 20. My supervisor came out to help clear the workload and she had Heart Christmas on. I knew it was coming but I had a final hour and 18 minutes still in the game before it happened. They were determined to be fair as I got a second dollop of being Whammed before dinner although they made up for it with double helpings of classics “Warm This Winter” by Gabriella Cilmi and “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis.

Day 21 and I woke up to a notification my phone from You Tube “for you. Wham – Last Christmas.” Alright guys, you’re a bit late trying to tempt me now.

On the way to work on day 22 I got to hear on Absolute Radio about ITV Whamming all their viewers with a clip of the song on the early evening news. I tried the Taste Cafe in the foyer of the hospital for the first time and heard a clip of the song whilst eating. It would have been galling to go out on just a snippet, especially as I was already a bit grumpy as they had no eggs to go on my breakfast roll. We had Heart 80’s on at work that day and I didn’t hear Last Christmas once. Typical.

I heard it once more on day 23 at 3.50 am in The Registry. Had this been the time of my demise it would have been my own fault, I’m 49 now and really shouldn’t still be out drinking at that time in the morning.

So it’s the final day. If you’re still in, well done. You’ve only got to make it to midnight. I’m disappointed at going out at work three years on the trot but I had my best run in years. I might book all of December off next year to avoid it happening again.

Happy Christmas to you all. The Christmas Eve boozing starts in a few hours but before that I’m going to blast Kelly Clarkson “Underneath The Tree” a couple of times and cook myself breakfast. Wuth an egg this time.

P.s whilst I’m on thanks so much for all of the lovely comments after Tuesday’s blog. It wasn’t meant to be a fishing for compliments article but I loved them all and gobbled them up like you would with unexpected pigs in blankets on your Christmas dinner.