Evo Boozy Scribbler

Tuesday was a very busy day at work, a bit stressful but I had football on the evening to look forward to, to help get me through the day. Walsall v Morecambe wasn’t likely to be a classic but an evening with lots of friends is always good.

The plan was to head into Pleck after work, grab food then meet Asps at the LMRCA Club on Wednesbury Road. Don’t ask what LMRCA stands for. I don’t know. If I ever own the place I’d change it to MCMLXXIV Club to signify the year I was born. Then again I can’t really try to make everything all about me, and we’d probably need planning permission for the sign to fit all that lot on.

I’d been a bit organised on Monday evening and done research on Google maps street view, trying to deduce if Prince Street off Pleck Road was a straight one and would bring me right out in Pleck. It wasn’t, I decided it wasn’t much of a short cut and opted to stick to the main road route and head past the former Brown Lion.

It was raining at half 4, so I sat in the foyer using the wi-fi to catch up on social media, hoping the rain would ease off. I was in no great hurry, Asps wasn;t due until 6ish. At 5 I headed out. Still raining but I had to press on. I turned right out of the hospital which makes a change. I do like to take different routes on my walks. It keeps stalkers, my enemies and government spies on their toes.

I got to the corner of Rollingmill Street and thought ‘ooooh, I could go down here, shortcut behind the petrol station, out onto Wednesbury Road. All down hill. This is the best idea ever.’ Ladies and gentlemen, I am the man who has made a million bad decisions in life. I was soon to find out that this was number 1,000,001.

First error. I was in a world of my own and looking down as per normal and didn’t realise until I was right upon it, that the one pavement on Corporation Street West is fenced off. I couldn’t be arsed to cross the road like a normal person would have, preferring instead to edge along the very thin bit of pavement not behind the fence while passing cars gave me good splashings.

The short cut? Well it’s not well maintained. Our roads aren’t so I guess a little used walkway isn’t going to be. It was unlit and I got a 1/4 of the way along and just about saw the massive puddle taking up the whole path. Nice quick u turn and back onto the pavement.

Finally onto Wednesbury Road. Or Wednesbury River as I think it was identifying as. Seriously the pavements were flowing with water. My favourite REM song is Find The River. Michael Stipe if you are reading, you could have found one here and mot had to leave your car to admire it.

It was like I was taking part in the triple jumpo as I ventured along trying to avoid puddles but it was hopeless. I was soaked. What’s the song us Saddlers used to sing? Oh yes, “going down the Wednesbury Road, to see the Walsall aces.” I started singing “going down the Wednesbury Road, to get soaking trainers and laces.”

My mind wandered off to The Crystal Maze and when contestants entered the maze through the Aztec Zone and had to get there via rowing boats, and I was just thinking how that set up would be useful now. When I reached the car park at the end of the road, Michael Stipe if you’re still reading, never mind finding a river. I had now found a bloody lake. I’d have needed wellies up to my arse before even thinking about negotiating it. This time I did cross the road.

I made it to Pleck and straight into Yum. I visited this place just after it opened in 2021 after being lured in by a leaflet through my door. It was so new they were doing a photo shoot with burgers as I arrived on that occasion. I’d enjoyed that visit and left with a cheerful “see you again soon.”It’s only taken nearly 3 years to go back. Quite quick by my standards.

I didn’t care about food anymore. I wanted a mug of tea, a towel dry footwear and maybe a hug. No hot drinks were on the menu and I didn’t ask about the other items. I went for the Mother Clucker chicken burger, hold the lettuce.

The food arrived quickly. They weren’t shy with the sauces. 6 sachets (ketchup beating mayo 4-2) and four other pots too. The chicken burger was ace. but I think another another 2 portions of fries were needed to see off all of those sauces. It was £6.50 for the food, he had offered me a meal deal but I didn’t want a cold drink so it may have been better value had I gone for that.

Back out into the elements and the short walk around the corner to the club. Absolute Radio decided at this juncture to play some AC/DC which really lifted my mood and I was soon up the bar in the club. I did take a picture of the club outside but it didn’t come out very well and for once I didn’t hang around to check.

When The Saddlers Club at Bescot Stadium closed down, The Independent Saddlers Supporters Association (ISSA) set up this club as an alternative venue for Walsall fans to drink on match days, which was well received as drinking options by the ground were already limited and we’ve since lost The Fullbrook and The George. From here ISSA have launched many projects for the benefit of the local community, the most notable was subsidising a hot food van to provide the staff of the Manor Hospital free food during the pandemic. Before my time there though or it might have needed a bit more subsidising.

I joined Asps at his table, and it was ace to see him having not done so since we went to see Belinda Carlisle in Birmingham last February. He informed me that the match was subject to a pitch inspection and before I’d had my second sip of beer it was called off. Oh well.

We had a good catch up and a laugh. Asps then gave me a lift home which was very much appreciated. Part of the route including gong through Walsall’s red light district, which in it’s heyday brought almost as many visitors to the town as the famous Illuminations. There were no prostitutes about this time though. They must have got a bit wet and gone home.

I was home just as the match would have kicked off so time for a jokey Facebook status update saying that I hadn’t expected a big crowd at the game but I’d just arrived at the ground and it was deserted.

I soon had dry feet, a big mug of tea and music on. I’ve recently rediscovered the amazing REM song Strange Currencies, which is one of my faves but not heard in years so I gave that a blasting and reflected that the evening had been alright in the end.

Last Saturday the plan was to get up early, go to Jack & Ada’s for a mossiv breakfast, do a big food shop, housework then writing and editing. Especially as I’m so close to finishing Greg Doesn’t Date, that 6 episode daft show I’ve been working on for a few months.

It half went to plan. I had the lurgy, couldn’t sleep so I was up at half 5, sitting on my settee whilst drinking tea and listening to George Ezra. I’d been meaning to research a George Ezra song for two weeks but hadn’t got around to it, so then had seemed like a good time. The song I was after was Paradise. I wasn’t a fan of George’s early work but I love Paradise.

I made more tea, fannied around on social media and went back to bed in time to listen to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I got back up at half ten and all of the mornings plans were binned. Writing and editing? I didn’t even turn the pc on.

The mossiv breakfast? I just about made it to town in time to grab a sausage, bacon and egg sammo from the red van at the bottom of the market before catching the train to the match.

I know I’m 49 now and feeling it but those stairs at Bescot Stadium Railway Station don’t get any easier do they? Our local MP Valerie Vaz has been pushing for a lift to be installed here. Come on Double V, crack the whip. Chase those votes. While you’re at it, if they could also build toilets, a Costa, small W H Smiths and maybe a micro pub on the waste land behind the ticket office then footfall for said station would go through the roof. Using the new lifts of course.

The match day experience is on the up. The Locker (nee Saddlers Club) was officially opened before kick off, although as I’m not a season ticket holder or a subscriber to the football club’s official membership scheme it would have been £5 in, and as it was 2.50, and i wasn’t drinking anyway I didn’t head in but will soon as i need to review it. There was a welcome return of a food van by said club and there were pop up bars at either end of the lower tier. All good.

The match was scrappy but I timed my run to perfection for the Bescot Bar at half time, reaching the coffee machine just before another customer and noticing it going straight out of service after he got his drink. Meanwhile next to us, it was my ace Niece Amber’s turn to try and get some joy out of the roll a 6 to begin snack vending machine which eventually yielded a return.

Talking of Amber it was wonderful to see her along with my Great Niece Frankie, as well as many other Saddlers including friend of the blog Elliot Garbett who kindly invited me for drinks in The Pretty Bricks which I still need to retick now it has new gaffers so that will happen soon. I may even report on it here.

The second half was also scrappy and I found my mind wandering away from the game and more on what squad I would assemble if I was Berwick Rangers manager. I once had an unsuccessful spell in charge on Championship Manager 97/98, but now they are out of The Scottish League expectations may be lower. The squad I was finalising was looking good, all pundits would have been impressed even Roy Keane but the final whistle blew and I had to dash for the train. The run slowed as I reached those stairs again.

I needed a train to the Tile Hill area of Coventry, as it was a night out for Craig’s birthday and as I reached New Street I saw a West Midlands Trains service that was due had been cancelled. The next one was half an hour which gave me time to have a mooch around. I needed food and I was still suffering with lurgy, and was so bunged up I decided a packet of Tunes would also be handy.

I got to W H Smith, and guess what? No Tunes. Are they not a thing anymore? You’d think a railway station would be the one place they would be on sale following that advert in the 80’s. Firdt cladd dicket to Noddingham and all that. They don’t want that at the ticket office. Lockets or Soothers so I went old skool with the former. I grabbed a prawn sandwich, yes yes I know but I never turn down corporate football (except when we played at Old Trafford in 1998).

At the checkout I also asked for a scratchcard. I heard my words, and because of the lurgy I barely understood what I was saying myself. What chance did the bloke serving have? Not sure if he pulled off too many in error but I got two scratchcards, the total came to £7.60. I hadn’t been brave enough to look at the price before I got the sandwich from the fridge. With the way I was talking I could have had no complaints if he’d handed me 20 Benson & Hedges and charged me £60. And I’m not a smoker.

The shop had Valentines Day stuff on sale. Great. The season where I am reminded I’m single every time I walk in a shop is upon us, and like Christmas it gets earlier every year. Oh well, get this day out of the way and the shops can start stocking up on the Halloween merchandise.

I demolished the sandwich, popped a Tune and headed for the loo. The sink had those new fangled handlebar taps which include the dryer. I always struggle to use these and this was no exception. I made a joke of it to the nice lady who was cleaning the sink next to me and we exchanged pleasantries. The Tunes had worked and I was now talking normally again. I wished her a good day and headed out. Oh my God, me talking to a woman. Right, I’ve mastered it in men’s toilets, just got to get the hang of it in pubs.

The next train had now been cancelled and the one half an hour after that was showing as departing from Birmingham International. With all this free time now on my hands I could have run to McDonalds on the ramp for a cheeseburger and saved a fortune on the prawn sandwich. I text Craig and he just said to get an Avanti train to Coventry and he’d pick me up from there. Plan. And it worked a treat. A train was coming soon, so I found the Avanti ticket machine and managed to grab an evening ticket to Coventry for just £2.80. Although by now I was past caring and would have paid £60 as long as I got a free 20 pack of Benson & Hedges.

Craig picked me up from Coventry Station, we parked up and set off for the first pub, I thought we were out in Tile Hill but when I was over there a couple of weeks ago in a pub called The Newlands, I didn’t realise that a queuing system was in place at the bar, so I just marched up and found a space, as you do. Well as you do in normal pubs. Another customer took exception to this (waiting until he was about to walk away with his drinks before piping up), and I’d already been wound up when I indicated to the barmaid that he was next and he didn’t thank me.

I went to the toilet in there shortly afterwards and all 3 urinals and the cubicle were vacant but I held back in case of a queuing system in there too. This got me thinking. If there was one in there I’d like it to be like in a bank. Rope to stand alongside and automated announcements. “Urinal number 2 please” or “Cubicle is free. Enjoy your dump” etc etc. Anyway Craig must have not wanted to risk another round of queuegate so took us elsewhere.

First pub was New Spires in Coundon. This was completely decked out in England flags which got my approval. Crags found a table announcing “we’ll sit here so we can watch the darts and the football.” I looked up, a lad and his missus were playing darts. I found it a bit odd that Craig wanted to watch this. I sat down, took a swig of my pint and then noticed the massive screen on the other wall showing MVG v RVB. I’m such a dumbass at times.

We jumped in a taxi, well nearly the wrong onet o start with. Craig booked one which was white so he saw one outside and went to dive in, only for ours to be another white one that was just pulling onto the car park.

The plan had been to have a pub crawl but at The Old Clarence in Earlsden, our next port of call Craig had a £25 bar tab which he’d won at a quiz. This payed for 6 pints of Strongbow Dark Fruit which we set about but first had an odd exchange with a local who accused Craig of sounding like a southerner. Craig explained that he’s a Walsall lad living in Cov but to no avail. He expected me to jump in and stick up for him but my voice had returned to lurgified status and I didn’t want to do the Walsall accent a dis-service so I resumed my default stance of not talking to people I don’t know.

The ciders were good but as you know, with pleasure there has to be pain and that came with the DJ playing Believe” by Cher. Although some of this was drowned out by everyone tutting.

It was curry time. The restaurant had no visible sign that I could see, just an arrow pointing up the stairs with words saying “check out our rental places”. What was going on? Was Craig taking me to a late night estate agents? Had he secretly found a flat he wanted us both to move into? My mind started thinking of weekend mornings and Craig heading out to grab the sausage and egg McMuffins, returning to present them to me in bed. Yes my imagination runs wild at times and I should get it checked by a professional.

It was actually a curry house at the top of the stairs, but unlicensed. Craig knows my stance on these but to fair it was his first visit and he didn’t know. I refuse to take my own booze to these places but Craig dashed to the shop across the road and just made it before it closed, returning with a 10 pack of dark fruit. I accepted one just to keep him happy for his birthday.

The people on the next table got their food and they all had curries in those big satellite dish style bowls that used to be common in Walsall. This excited me. We ordered and the starters came quickly, I’d only eaten half of my first poppadom. I only had one Nargis Kebab during 2023 but I’m pleased to say that 2024 is going better as this was to be my second of the year and it was ace.

Craig’s main came out first, in the big satellite dish bowl. My chicken tikka massala came out in a normal bowl. It was an okay size but I wasn’t going to be picking up MTV2 on it. The food was ace, service really good and full marks to Crags, he’d picked a good un. Great food, great company and another free cider. Paradise running through your bloody veins to quote George Ezra.

We went back to his and played a beat the into music quiz where I had to name the artist and title from the 50 best selling songs of 1999, with a point for each part answer. I scored 97 out of 100 but the final one was an absolute bag of wank I’d not heard of which cost me 2 points. I was accused during this of being a secret B*Witched fan due to how quickly I identified Jessie Hold On and Blame It On The Weatherman. I will confess that I have belted out the former hundreds of times whilst washing up.

Class day. I didn’t win on the scratchcards though.

   

 

I left work on Thursday in a good mood. I’m glad to say that this is pretty standard. I’ve been at the Manor Hospital 8 and a half months now and have only left in a bad mood a few times, the most recent of those due to the antics of a delivery driver that looks like Sergei from the meerkat adverts. Thursday however there was an added spring in the step for 3 reasons.

(1) the first song on Absolute Radio was Cryin’ by Aerosmith. Absolute tune and although I resisted the urge to sing out loud, I did give it good portions of lip syncing and the nurses and patients mingling on the West Wing corridor would have been in no doubt that I was enjoying myself.

(2) it was light as I left, always guaranteed to lift the spirits and I celebrated by walking into town along the canal, something I haven’t done since the nights drew in.

(3) I was heading for light refreshments. Always a mood enhancer. I have been going to Josh’s for Sunday dinner lots of late so to repay the favour I’d offered to take him to The Registry for tea. Yes, there is a special offer of food for a fiver at the moment so I know I appear like a tight wad but you know it’s January, times are hard and I love a bargain.

We hadn’t confirmed anything. Josh had said he would have to sort baby sitters if he could and wouldn’t be able to come out till 7. By the time I got to The Reg I hadn’t heard off him so took it he couldn’t get baby sitters so I ordered food and drink. I sat down and he messaged saying he would be there at 7. We got there in the end.

I’d taken advantage of this offer the week before with the fish and chips. I’d requested no peas but it came with them anyway. I left them, apologies to John and Norma Major if you’re reading. This time I went for lasagne with a pint of Inch’s which came to a total of £8.20. Bargain.

The music was good starting with Amazulu’s Too Good To Be Forgotten, some indie goodness then Kylie’s Better the Devil You Know which is a perfect a pop song as you can get.

The lasagne came quickly and was soon put away. Gary Timmins and Micky Mullen turned up so I had a chat with them. Gary had the honour of opening the newly refurbished Wetherspoons and pouring the first pint which must have been ace.

Josh arrived and went for the chicken wrap. I didn’t want him to eat alone so I looked at the starters. You can have 3 for the price of 2 so I decided to have two and offer Josh the third which he declined. So I had all three. Scampi, chicken goujons and bbq hunters chips. With another pint of inch’s. Josh was driving so had a J20, but I suspect he was envious of my cider. It’s not often another man is jealous of my Inch’s.

The starters were amazing and I shovelled them down like how The Simpsons eat their food. Happy, it was time for us to check out the refurbished St Matthews Hall (Walsall Wetherspoons), which reopened earlier in the day. Before the refurb we’d heard reports of the conservatory being extended, the toilets being moved (I was just hoping the leak under urinal no 2 would be fixed) and the upstairs section of the back part being reopened. None of these happened. The place was painted, new lighting installed, new carpet and furniture, cellar work and theconservatory was replaced with a new build. The faulty handdrier was fixed but there was still moisture under urinal no 2.

A nice barmaid called Demi told us all of the work that had happened and the place looks good, it smelt new and the beer was top notch. When I was in there on New Years Eve. Chris Kelly was saying that they should install a fireman’s pole to get down from the toilets. As it’s unlucky to cross on the stairs, this would save the issue of you getting to the top as someone gets to the bottom and then you have to gesture to each other as you work out who has right of way. Plus you’d get back to your drink/up the bar quicker so it would have been good for Sir Tim. Shame it didn’t happen.

We sat in the back part and the plastic books that used to light up have now gone which is a shame. Josh asked me about pubs in town and about the new ones that sprung up around the late 90’s. Talk about being in my element. If universities needed lectures on this subject I’d be raking it in.

Josh had to head off but he dropped me off outside the Walsall Arms. The fire inside was roaring, which was a welcome sight as was Lemon Dream being on one of the handpulls. I then spotted a new exciting addition to the wares on offer in there. A big jar of pickled eggs. I asked Alison the barmaid if they were trying to get me in there every day. After a pleasant pint by the fire it was home time.. I try to be in bed by 10 on a school night these days and I just about made it this time.

Talking of Josn, on Friday night he started a challenge to walk from Coventry City’s ground to then visit all the pro West Midlands clubs ending at Bescot Stadium. I asked if he was pleased that Coventry are no longer playing at Northampton. Anyway he did this on his own, in freezing cold temperatures to raise money for Cancer Research in honour of a fellow Saddler Mark Rainer who sadly lost his life to Cancer recently. He would love any donations which can be made on this link. Thank you. https://gofund.me/661dd320

I was a bit more flush in January than I am nowadays so I thought I’d rejoin The Light Cinema’s subscription service where you pay £15.99 a month but can watch all films free and get discounts on food and drink. I’d been a member previously but gave it up in 2018 when my then housemate moved out. And despite still needing a new house buddy I thought I could afford the fee no probs, though times were to change. It was quite straightforward to rejoin online, the longest part being choosing which picture of myself to use.

Swill is already a member and delighted to hear I’d rejoined. We quickly planned a film to go to see. First up was M3GAN. This was Swill’s choice. I had a vague idea that it was about a doll that went a bit loopy so thought it might be a bit Child’s Play-esque. When I arrived Swill was already there and deep in conversation with the lad behind the counter. Swill in a nutshell. He can talk to anyone about anything. I can only speak to people I know well and if the conversation is about me, pubs or Walsall FC.

I was excited heading up the escalator. After many visits, I was finally getting to tick off screen number 1. Remember the ABC/Cannon where screen 1 was the biggest by some distance and had the best curtains? I’d have loved those curtains when the place was flattened, although I’d have settled for the crinkly effect ones out of screen two. Anyway screen 1 at The Light isn’t quite as exciting. No curtains and I’m not sure if it’s bigger than the others.

The film was great. Swill chose well. Lots of people and a dog killed by the doll. Thoroughly enjoyed this one.

You wait years to tick off screen 1 and then get it twice in a row as I went to see Cocaine Bear next. Again I didn’t know much and whilst some people didn’t enjoy it, I really did. Another high body count and the ambulance scene was brilliant. I recommenced this if you like films that don’t challenge or make you think.

My plan was to go twice a month to make the subscription worth it but me being me it wasn’t happening. By the end of February I’d been just twice and it was around May when I next visited. It took the lovely Jennifer Lawrence to stir me back into action. I’d not seen her in a film since Passengers in 2016 so jumped at the chance to see her in No Hard Feelings, a film in which she is hired by a wealthy couple to date their shy son. Decent film this with some good scenes, the naked beach fight one being the highlight.

Fast forward to August and my next jaunt. By now I had got it into my thick skill after 4 months of working at the Manor Hospital that The Light is just around the corner and finally the after work movie scene was launched.

I went to watch Haunted Mansion. This was purely to test RunPee, an app that I’d recently downloaded that advises the best time to go for a piss during a film. I knew that 1 hour and two minutes in, a character called Gabbie would put some eggs on a table and say “just pick the shells out” and that I’d got 3 minutes 20 to go and relieve myself.

The film was a 12A, the new kid on the block of British Board Of Film Classification ratings. I’d not seen a 12A before or even it’s predecessor the 12. I knew that a 12 meant nobody under that age could watch but didn’t know what a 12A was. It was a a ghostly film but not quite on a par with the levels of Halloween hence its lower rating. Decent enough film and I timed the piss dash to perfection. I got home and did research. A 12A means kids under 12 can watch if accompanied by an adult. Hope you didn’t know that because I like to think that after almost 2 years this blog has finally been educational.

Next up was Cobweb, a film with no hype, all I knew was it was a horror but the big draw was Lizzy Caplan who I took a shine to during her portrayal of Amy Burley in series 1 of True Blood. Decent film with some good deaths but very odd. Odd film of the year by some distance.

Halloween saw me yet again trying to avoid trick or treaters so instead of sitting in the pub instead I went to watch Five Nights At Freddy’s. The auditorium was busy, probably the busiest I have seen it. Maybe it was a well hyped film, it was half term also but I suspect everyone like me was hiding from trick or treat.

The lovely thing at The Light is just before the film starts, a member of staff comes into the auditorium and greets you, gives some rules and wishes you an enjoyable film. I don’t know if it was the lass a few seats along’s first visit but when the staff member gave his loud cheerful “hello” she jumped out of her skin and gave a loud “fucking hell”. The lad got cheered and a round of applause when he finished his speech.

The film is based on a video game which may have swayed me not to bother had I known. More good deaths but probably the worst film of the year for me. There was a distressing scene where a pinball machine was smashed up.

As is standard for me when I get home I go on Wikipedia to read up on the stars and I was eager on this occasion as I didn’t know the main two. Oh, I do. The main guy was played by Josh Hutcherson who was Peeta Mellark in the 2 Hunger Games films that I’ve seen. To be fair it’s been a decade since I watched those and he has grown up a bit.

I was talking films with my colleague Tom one day and commenting on how you don’t seem to get 18 films anymore. I wondered if 15’s were allowed to be more graphic these days or if potential 18’s were toned down to try and get a bigger audience. Low and behold, a week later an 18 popped up on the listings.

The Royal Hotel is an Australian film featuring two American backpackers who get jobs working in a rough pub. When the 18 certificate came on the screen it advised of strong language, and the landlord of the pub used the C Bomb in one of his first sentences.

Enjoyable film this but yeah the adult rating was purely for the language. I’ve seen better fights in The Fullbrook.

Next up was to be a Sunday evening visit to watch Bottoms about two gay lads who set up their own fight club, but I got to the petrol station on Springfield Road, bought a grab bag pack of Prawn Cocktail crisps to eat on the way, then decided to go home and demolish them there instead so I missed that one.

Dream Scenario is probably the best film I’ve seen this year. I mentioned on the day to Tom that I’d never seen a Nicholas Cage film before so I was well up for this one. A phenomenon starts where people start seeing Cage’s character in their dreams. It all starts well but then when something goes wrong in real life he starts getting violent in the dreams and people take it out on him in real life. Great film and I recommend it.

The Jester was another horror film, and this was villain of the year. I loved the creepy sinister but smartness of the title character. More deaths, some comedic but I didn’t understand the end and there was no Wikipedia page for me to read up on afterwards.

So you know that lack of 18 films yeah? Well the following week I was off to watch another. Thanksgiving starts with disorder at a Black Friday sale and as an Englishman who doesn’t really get Thanksgiving and Black Friday I just took this as a low budget, let’s kill people flick. The sole reviewer on RunPee gave it a grade of D+ so I wasn’t expecting much. Wrong, the disorder in the store scene was immense, the killings good and I didn’t guess the killer, having opted for the easy option of the most likely candidate. Great film.

With that run of films I’d been to the cinema 3 times in 5 days and was starting to think the staff might suspect me of stalking them so I gave the place a break for what turned out to be over a month. There was a one off showing of Die Hard, my favourite Christmas film on December 15th. However that is too early in the month for me to be getting festive so I gave it a miss. I know a minority of people say it’s not a Christmas film and while I respect their opinion we cannot let them win. If they do, next they will be saying Halloween isn’t a Halloween movie and heaven knows what after that.

My final visit of the year came on the 28th and another straight from work trip. It was tied between Wonka and Anyone But You. Wonka appealed due to stars of Peep Show being involved but I thought it would look odd with an old man going to watch a kids film, so I opted for the latter. I’ve never watched a romcom before but this sounded good.

I got there early as I was having a rare treat of food and drink in the form of hot chocolate and garlic bread. Both were good but I ate downstairs as I reckoned the good people of screen 5 didn’t want the place stinking out of garlic. I also figured that with garlic breath there would be no kissing in the back row of the movies on a Thursday night should I have encountered a nice single lady. Oh well, The Drifters won’t be coming to me for song idea inspiration.

Anyone But You is based apparently on Much Ado About Nothing, it started well with me relating to the bursting for the toilet and subsequent wash basin mishap in the first scene. It was a good story line with a nod towards Meet The Parents once or twice. I thoroughly enjoyed the film and even shed a little tear at the end. God I’m getting soppy in my old age. It was also nice to see a film without lots of deaths for a change. At the end credits there was a recreation of There’s Something About Mary where the cast are performing Build Me Up Buttercup in previous scenes. The cast of this film do it to Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield and I’d have loved to have been one of the extras giving it portions in the aeroplane.

So that’s it then. I’ve now paid for membership for 12 months so I think I can cancel, which I may do as I still didn’t get enough use out of it but I’ll ponder. Swill messaged on Friday night saying he is going to do the cinema more in 2024 so that may swing it.

Thanks for reading my blog this year. Wishing you all an amazing 2024.

December marks the month of Whamageddon where participants try to avoid hearing the original version of Last Christmas until midnight on Christmas Eve. I’ve gone out on day 1 the last two years so was hoping for better this time.

I got to work at 7.30 on the 1st and checked my phone. Hmmm, a message. What could be so important that someone has messaged this early? It was my great mate Matt Mason. He was already out and fuming. But yes, it was important.

We have Heart 80’s on at work but I explained the situation and it was agreed that it would be swapped to Heart 90’s for the duration. Good start.

Day 2 was the postponed Alfreton match drinking session, but I survived that and on the Sunday Josh had invited me round for dinner. He drove me back afterwards and put the radio on. On came that Mariah song. “Have you got a Christmas station on?” I asked somewhat urgently as the song was finishing. He confirmed that he had so I explained the situation. What came on? Only bloomin “Underneath The Tree” by Kelly Clarkson. He was reaching to change the station. I hadn’t heard this song yet this year at the time. “No no no, leave this on” I yelled. Now Josh and I are very close and he’s seen me in all kinds of emotional states like Walsall FC induced joy/despair, drunkeness. skintness, pre best man speech nerves etc but panicking at Christmas songs is surely a new one. Anyway I got through the first weekend.

I don’t get to listen to Absolute Radio after 8am usually but I was off on the 4th and 5th and they do a feature where they report on people being Whammed. My favourites this time were the stadium announcer Whamming the whle crowd at Northampton v Portsmouth and a bloke who said he got Whammed at his son’s primary school Christmas Fete. His wife had laughed at him when it happened and he swore at her in front of his son’s teacher. I love this kind of stuff.

I had to go to New Cross Hospital on the 4th and they had Greatest Hits Radio on in the waiting room. I was nervous about this, even more so than the procedure. Every time a song ended I’d glance nervously at the screen. Fortunately they announced that a Golden Hour type feature was coming on and from the initial clues I knew that it was 1977 so I could relax for a bit.

On the Saturday I had to go to ASDA and on the way out I had a cheeky toilet which is standard procedure. Do They Know It’s Christmas was happily playing as I went about my business but as it finished I had this feeling that I was about to get Whammed. The hand dryer drowned out the last bit of DTKIC?and I pondered staying there for the next 5 minutes. Somebody walked in though and I panicked and tan off. I can’t remember what was playing but it wasn’t even a Christmas song.

Cover versions are allowed to be heard during this period and one day Radio X played the Jimmy Eat World version which whilst magnificent, I had forgotten about it. It was a nice guilt free treat to hear that and I’ve played it numerous times since.

I thought the 14th would be the day it was all over. Craig and myself were going to a Christmas quiz at The Fountain. It was very busy, another magnificent ham cob was demolished but there was a festive music round and he was playing seasonal numbers in between question. I felt like a sitting duck. Well not, quite. Despite being defending champions from the previous quiz we had to stand at the bar for the first two rounds. The high table by the shelf full of bric-a-brac became available. I sat closest to the shelf and started to ponder whether it would be some bric or a piece of brac that I would launch when the inevitable happened. Except it didn’t. No sign of that song at all, and we retained our title with an increased majority. I say we. Craig won is more realistic. I didn’t even get the answer right that I knew about the kinds of settings that the 3 wise men traverse while following yonder star.

The following day word reached me from my colleague Tom that everyone on Ward 1 had just been Whammed by Smooth Radio.

I was in Birmingham on the Saturday. As I walked to the Post Office Vaults 3 lovely ladies were singing it as we passed. Again covers are allowed and they sang it well but I didn’t stop and applaud as I needed a pint.

On the 18tn there was an early morning scare. Ian Payne on LBC was doing a countdown of the greatest Christmas films and playing clips. At 4.45 just as it was finishing somebody text in mentioning Last Christmas. I didn’t even know there was a film about it. As I panicked and reached for the off switch Ian mentioned Whamaggedon and referenced the Northampton incident. Phew, the closest call yet.

It ended on day 20. My supervisor came out to help clear the workload and she had Heart Christmas on. I knew it was coming but I had a final hour and 18 minutes still in the game before it happened. They were determined to be fair as I got a second dollop of being Whammed before dinner although they made up for it with double helpings of classics “Warm This Winter” by Gabriella Cilmi and “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis.

Day 21 and I woke up to a notification my phone from You Tube “for you. Wham – Last Christmas.” Alright guys, you’re a bit late trying to tempt me now.

On the way to work on day 22 I got to hear on Absolute Radio about ITV Whamming all their viewers with a clip of the song on the early evening news. I tried the Taste Cafe in the foyer of the hospital for the first time and heard a clip of the song whilst eating. It would have been galling to go out on just a snippet, especially as I was already a bit grumpy as they had no eggs to go on my breakfast roll. We had Heart 80’s on at work that day and I didn’t hear Last Christmas once. Typical.

I heard it once more on day 23 at 3.50 am in The Registry. Had this been the time of my demise it would have been my own fault, I’m 49 now and really shouldn’t still be out drinking at that time in the morning.

So it’s the final day. If you’re still in, well done. You’ve only got to make it to midnight. I’m disappointed at going out at work three years on the trot but I had my best run in years. I might book all of December off next year to avoid it happening again.

Happy Christmas to you all. The Christmas Eve boozing starts in a few hours but before that I’m going to blast Kelly Clarkson “Underneath The Tree” a couple of times and cook myself breakfast. Wuth an egg this time.

P.s whilst I’m on thanks so much for all of the lovely comments after Tuesday’s blog. It wasn’t meant to be a fishing for compliments article but I loved them all and gobbled them up like you would with unexpected pigs in blankets on your Christmas dinner.

So I’ve finally reached edition 100 of this blog. Big thanks to all my readers, it’s very much appreciated. This one is just about me, and how I got here really.

I hated school. Well I say that, I enjoyed the dinners and as the only person at St Mary’s who liked Semolina, I used to get extra helpings of that.

I did like English though, but not enough to properly learn from it which is why I still don’t know what a Verb is, and have poor knowledge of grammar and the correct use of punctuation marks?

It was in English where I first started to write stories, and I loved this as did my teacher. Her comments in the end of year report would be the only good point in a sea of negativity. My favourite comment of hers was “I always enjoy reading his stories”. This was nice as it gave a bit of balance to the other remarks which were like “he has shown little interest in this subject and made no progress”, “kid’s a fucking idiot” “I’m surprised he can spell his own name” “I put more crosses on his work than on my Spot The Ball Coupon” and “I predict F’s in his GCSE’s only because Z’s aren’t a thing”. Okay, I made 4 of those up.

I started writing short stories outside of school off my own back and Swill would also join me in those days. The stories in this era would all end with the characters getting killed in the final scene.

Aged about 16 I wrote my first big story, this one about a football team called Caldmore Casuals. I opened my non league annual on a random page, picked Clevedon Town off it and replaced them in their league with The Casuals. To this day I’d still like to visit Clevedon to see what pubs the Casuals fans would have got to visit had I picked another team to displace.

I don’t remember much about this story other than that the Chairman was desperate for the supporters to love him and the Manager got wind of this so whenever he requested something he’d say “it’s what the fans want”. I still use this phrase regularly to this day. The other memory from this was one weekend The Mighty Saddlers weren’t playing so the Walsall Advertiser were covering the Casuals game and putting a report on the back page which the Chairman was very excited about. Unfortunately a 3-0 home defeat at The Old Cemetery Ground was incoming and the headline on the back page was Shit! Shit! Shit!.

In 1991 I wrote a story which I recall nothing about only that as I was having problems with Midland Bank at the time there was much slagging off of them in it, I was also deeply unhappy in life at the time and I found much needed escapism in this work.

The pen went quiet for a few years after that but then I became mates with the editor of the Walsall fanzine Blazing Saddlers, Pete Holland and he published a letter I’d written. I was really excited and chuffed at this. Unfortunately my mate saw it, called me “sad” and I never wrote for it again.

My next story was in 1996, set on Hawes Close where I was living at the time with Paul and Cara. A footballer got released, signed for Walsall and moved into the vacant flat next door to us. I loved this story and Cara in particular enjoyed reading about herself in it. All fictitious characters got killed in the final scene.

Again I went quiet for a while, writing a couple of things for then Walsall fanzines around the 2001 mark, under the name Scott Thompson whist also contributing to other articles via discussions with Steve Stuart.

More years passed until 2009 when myself and 4 friends went to London to do the Monopoly Pub Crawl. It was so good I wrote a Facebook note article about it which I have subsequently shared on here.

Next up was my first foreign holiday. Thailand. So much happened there that I had to have an article. I went up to the Sales Office at work a couple of days later and everyone was laughing their heads off. I asked what was going on. Turned out Don had shared the article out and they were all loving it. Please note the Sales Office was always quiet in August due to schools being shut, they weren’t skiving on the job.

The no nonsense Yorkshire lass actually came down to see me. She only ever came downstairs to use the loo or go home so it was a surprise to see her by my desk. She said “I’ve just come to shake your hand. That Thailand article was the best thing I’ve read in ages.”

Off the back of that a couple of people urged me to join a creative writing course. I did research, found one and decided to join. Unfortunately the day before class started my then flatmate announced he was moving out. So I decided not too go. I did some sums at work the next day, and decided that if I cut things back a bit I could still join up and so I did. And I’m so glad I did.

The teacher Cath was great and I met other good writers too including Nick who remains a great friend to this day. At the time Nick was doing a weekly blog called The Sunday Roast which was always a good read. I was inspired and soon my weekly Facebook blog Evo Elaborates was born. This proved very popular but then one week it only got 4 likes, I took the umph a bit and decided to have a couple of weeks off and it never returned.

At this time I wrote my first novella about a somewhat troubled lass. Split into 3 parts A Year In The Life Of Helen Bailey, Helen Bailey And The Dissident Philanthropist and Helen Bailey Chasing Storm Clouds. The title character’s name came off a returns form at work, and as soon as I saw it I wanted to use it in a project. I learnt a lot from writing this and the feedback I got at the time.

Through Nick I got to meet Amy, Dawn and Neil from Walsall Writers Circle. All great very different writers. I joined that group but the 6 of us would meet up regularly outside of that forum along with another lad Rich. I entered the end of year short story competition at the Writers Circle twice and was runner up both times.

Then came the big project. My two novels. About Warren Street and his best friend Blake Hall. I’m a bit of a London Underground geek so it was only right that both main characters were named after stations. Warren was a lad who was absolutely rubbish with the ladies. Write about what you know eh? Lots of work went into these two novels and I’ve been told they are good but I’ve never sent them off anywhere and they are still stranded on a broken pc in the loft.

I did continue to occasionally write Facebook articles about trips and pub challenges until that platform discontinued the notes feature. Around this time I resigned from the Walsall CAMRA Committee (before returning a year later) but offered to stay involved and start writing articles for the magazine. We won West Midlands Region Magazine Of The Year while I was writing for it which I’m still very proud of.

Just before the closure of the Walsall Advertiser print edition I was once allowed to write The Supporters Trust column which I was very proud of, even if the article did get edited a bit so it didn’t make quite as much sense, but then again when does my work?

A big turning point came when Blackpool Jane asked me to write an away day article for her excellent blog site. Needess to say I was like a dog with two dicks writing this, I loved it. Jane enjoyed the article too and it went down well when published. I expressed my frustration that the feature on Facebook that I used for my writing was no more, so she and the wonderful Vincent Fox on Facebook urged me to get my own WordPress site, and 99 editions later, I still don’t really know how to use the site other than to write and post pictures (and of late You Tube links) but here we are today. It’s been great, especialy doing the research.

Away from the blog I’m currently writing a very silly show called Greg Doesn’t Date. It’s about a lad called Greg who is rubbish with the ladies. Still write about what you know eh? I shall be playing Greg and thankfully he isn’t as cynical, world weary and best friend hen pecked like his predecessor Warren Street. It will be 6 episodes long and hopefully be filmed and on You Tube next year.

The State Of The Blog Address.

Whilst it’s been great fun, I’ve struggled for ideas of late, it’s been a tough year for money and I appreciate that I went a whole month without a post recently. Viewing figures are down this year too so I’ve been thinking of knocking it on the head. My renewal is in January and I said to Craig “If I can get to 100 before Christmas, that’ll do. I’ll remove my helmet, raise my bat and declare.”

However, I think next year should be better for money, I am starting to get ideas of how to push this in other directions so I’m renewing. I’m 50 next year and planning to milk that for all it’s worth so if that doesn’t generate material nothing will. So keep setting your alarm clocks for 9.30am on Sundays, as more of this is coming.

Before I shoot a big big thank you to everyone who reads this, likes it on the social media platforms, comments on it, shares or re-tweets it. It’s very much appreciated.

Right, It’s now time for The State Of The Blog Undress, but that’s for Premium subscibers only.

 

 

Last Saturday I was heading to Birmingham, to hopefully get one blogs worth of material and visit the two pubs I needed to finish another. However when I got up it was raining so out came the postponed signs again.

Then Josh messaged asking if I wanted to go to his to watch Walsall playing at Notts County. Hell yeah to that. Josh and his wife Lyndsey have been welcoming me round lots of late for Sunday dinner. I wasn’t aware that dinner was to be provided this time as well, and what a blinder Josh played. Fish, chips, beans, and a slice of meaty pizza with the peppers removed (he knows me well) and bread too. “Are you happy with your sandwich?” he asked. Oh right, it’s not just plain bread then. Turned out it was a fish fingers and baked beans sandwich as I’d mentioned my fondness for them that morning in a message. Absolute stunning meal as was the Walsall win. I really must give Josh’s food a good review on Tripadvisor.

Afterwards Josh dropped me in town and with the Birmingham budget still in my pocket I decided to have a wander around. I passed what was Taylor’s Music Shop/Beneficial Bank/WM Travel shop whichever you remember it as. I think planning permission has been granted to turn it into a restaurant and work is certainly going on inside but it was now also being used to advertise a “Winter Funland” with 19 posters for said attraction being plastered across the windows. This is a particular bugbear of mine. Why not just one poster? I can only assume they are on commission for each poster planted, then again when you are boasting of the world’s largest bouncy castle I guess you have to make sure the message gets out there. I hate Winter and I don’t want to go to a land, fun or otherwise devoted to it.

I went to St Matts Hall first, as it’s always good to start with a cheap Wetherspoons pint. A nice bit of Walsall FC chat ensued at the bar and I opted for White Christmas, a beer I’ve never had before.

A group a couple of tables along burst into a rendition of The Beatles classic “8 Days A week”. Whilst it was good I really hoped they didn’t follow it up with the new song “New And Then”. They didn’t and everyone let out a sigh f relief. Before departure I popped to the loo. Coming back I got to the top of the stairs just as a lad got to the bottom. I gave him right of way as his need was greater than mine, and he ran up the stairs. Actually ran up those stairs in Wetherspoons, even doing 2 or 3 jumps over some of them. Very impressive. I almost applauded him when he got to the top but I was far too excited.

Black Country Arms was next and another untried beer, this time a Salopian called “Push”. Decent name and I approved as I’m far better at pushing than pulling. I went upstairs. A group of people arrived on the next table and they included a nice lady who recognised me, said she’d read my blog from the week before and had shown it to the owner of Silhill Brewery who was really chuffed at their mention.

Also on her table was a lad who struck up a conversation, starting with Walsall FC, always a good place to start. We ended having a really good chat about all sorts of things. What’s this? I hear you ask. Me talking to people i don’t know in pubs. Whatever next? I enjoyed the conversation so much I stayed for a second pint. I supped up and bid them both farewell, I even wished them Happy Christmas which is something I usually refuse to do before I’ve broken up from work

The music is always good in the Black Country Arms but as I was leaving on came a curve ball. Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up. What a tune. When do you ever hear that? I wondered if their follow up single All 4 Love, which I think is better was also coming on. I didn’t have a set schedule for the evening but I was already behind it so I left.

The walk to Karz was in a record quick time though I will admit it was wind assisted and not coming out my arse like normal. It was blowing a gale behind me as I headed down Goodall Street, and as I turned into Bridge Street there was an outbreak of fireworks somewhere nearby. Okay guys, Walsall won today. Let’s not go overboard with the celebrations.

Katz was rammed and with a rock band on, who were going down a storm. Standing room only in both bars so after a quick pint I headed to The Watering Trough. It’s had a bit of a face lift of late and looks good so stopped for a photo. The bouncer asked why I was taking a picture so we stopped for a chat. He was a decent lad and told me about events. I then wished him a speedy shift and headed inside.

The Trough isn’t a rock pub anymore and Bob Marley was playing as I walked in which was fine withh me. I was a bit jealous of the couple sat at the bar with a take away, even having one of those big fuck off plastic tubs of salt like you get in supermarkets. i headed outside for a mooch. The big punch machine has gone which was ok. I’m a lover not a fighter. Yeah I wish.

After a quick pint I headed off, having another chat and a handshake with the bounce. Last up was The Walsall Arms and another untried beer this time another Salopian called “Low Hanging Fruit”. I don’t do fruit, be it low hanging or giraffe approved but I was intrigued and it was decent. There was a live singer on and as I got served he launched into the amazing Red Light Spells Danger. I’ve never heard this performed by anyone other than Billy Ocean and he did a great rendition. Unfortunately I find that when you get some yin, then a good dollop of yang isn’t far away and this was to come with 3 UB40 songs. By the third I had to escape outside. I’m still in Whamaggedon so am trying to not hear Last Christmas during December. Avoiding UB40 however is a lifelong struggle.

I needed a song to pop into my head to try and block out what was emanating from inside and what was it? It was the song from an advert off those Jasper Carrot compilation shows. “I think I’m wearing no knickers.” It was still in my head at work on Monday and probably not for the best as when a nurse appeared from nowhere and I was standing by my bench singing “I think i’m wearing no knickers”.

From inside I could hear the singer had moved onto Eddie Grant’s “I Don’t Wanna Dance”. Great song. Nobody was dancing as I walked in which I thought was a nice touch of respect from the drinkers.

I finished my beer and headed home. I don’t do pubs anywhere near as much as I used to and I’ve not done a solo Walsall crawl in ages so it was a good fun night, and I didn’t have to go to Winter Funland for it.

Cheers for reading as per usual. I’m off for a cuppa and I ought to get dressed as I think I’m wearing no boxers.

5 More Walsall food reviews for your delectation.

Silver Court Cafe, 16 Silver Court, Brownhills.

I don’t catch the bus much nowadays. Since they axed the £3 Walsall day saver I don’t venture far from town. However every so often I have to go on a mission and on Black Friday I had to be in Cannock on the night so I bought one of those all day bus and train jobbies and went straight for the no 10 to Brownhills.

I’ve got to be honest I’d never heard of this place or noticed it on previous visits but I saw a review of it on the Brownhills Bob Facebook page and that was it.

The cafe is in a row of shops set back from the road so easily missed by passing bus passengers like me. It’s very clean and tidy. Just 4 tables are inside with another outside. It’s painted in purple and white, my 3rd and 1st favourite colours respectively so that worked.

I went for the regular breakfast at £7 but asked for the tomato and mushroom to be left off. No tea included so it came to £9 with a cuppa. No Black Friday offers but I don’t go for that anyway so that was fine.

Food came quickly and it was really good. Quality ingredients and the bacon was cooked how I like it, rather than just being briefly introduced to the heat like other places. As is the norm, I had a mouthful (sausage this time) when the question came in if everything was ok. I gave good nods and a thumbs up to convey my response.

There was no background music which I was fine with. I’d had a Green Day fix courtesy of Absolute Radio prior to entering.

Nice visit this. Friendly, welcoming with tasty well presented food and drinks. I wish them well.

Afghan Grill, 14 Bradford Street, Walsall.

It was at the time of visiting the coldest day of the year, I’d left work in a bad mood and decided I couldn’t be arsed to cook.

This place has had various names since becoming a fast food venue and I’ve ticked them all off apart from in it’s current guise. I’m willing to be wrong but I also believe this unit was called Sight And Sound back in the 80’s where I would visit every Saturday to hire a Atari 2600 game.

Afghan Grill is located in Bradford Place and if bus stops are how you get your bearings you’re in luck as it is behind the now obsolete disused former no 36 stop. There are meal offers in the window which I stopped to peruse. Underneath these it advised that salad could be added for £1. Good luck with that guys.

Despite the name it’s a standard takeaway doing the usual fare although had I been wearing my professional food reviewer hat I would have tried the Afghani Kebab but instead went for the 2 pieces of chicken and wings deal.

Service was friendly and the meal should have been £5.80 but when he asked what drink I wanted I said I’d leave that so he knocked 80p off which was very decent of him.

Food arrived quickly and came on a tray rather than a box which was nice. It was good food and I enjoyed it. There was a steady stream of customers which was good for the owner but not so for me as I’d chosen the table right by the door and got an icy blast each time it was opened.

Good visit this and as it’s on the way home I’ll no doubt pop in again.

Daz Chicken, 62 Bridge Street, Walsall.

Situated at the top end of Bridge Street, newly opened in one of those long time empty units under what was the tax office back in the day.

I’d been drinking all day so was ravenous and ready for anything so was happy to give this a try. I went for the 2 pieces of chicken meal, the fries were freshly cooked and the friendly man applied the bbq sauce for me. I think it was about a fiver but I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t care about the cost at that stage of the day. To quote Jessie J “forget about the price tag”.

The chicken pieces were a very decent size, and fries good. No music which I was fine with. I didn’t want the can of pop and it’s still in my porch a week later. Another good visit. I can see a few more post pub visits to this place.

Broadway Chippy, 8 Hawes Close, Walsall.

I had the day off, was feeling peckish and opted to see if I could have a rare dally with those two words that I don’t often get to savour “lunchtime special”.

Broadway Chippy is longstanding, opening in the mid 90’s and as I lived above the chemists in the same row of shops at the time, I was something of a regular in those days. Visits nowadays are very rare as I don’t pass it so i was looking forward to going back.

I didn’t really get time to study the menu but they do “all day specials” rather than limiting them to lunchtime. I opted for the mini fish, chips and sauce special which was £6.30. She didn’t ask what sauce I wanted, wrapped the fish and chips up and asked for £4. Bargain, I thought. No sauce but save £2.30? Deal Mr Banker.

I put 4 £1 coins in her palm and she then stared at them with a confused look. I doubted myself. Can I not count anymore? Had I given her a dodgy coin? She looked up “oh sorry, it’s £6.30. I handed her the rest and she passed the food. “Do I still get the sauce?” I asked very sheepishly. I mean really. I’m rubbish in these situations and the final part of the question must have sounded like a terrified schoolboy. Vibes of Oliver Twist “Please Miss, can I have some sauce?” and all that.

“I can put it on the top for you”. “Yes please” I replied. “What would you like?” “Could I have curry sauce please?” in my almost back to normal voice. I got to by the Fullbrook and opened up once there was a bin handy to put the excess paper in. I’d got mushy peas, which I’m not a massive fan of. She must have been having a bad day. It could have been worse, if mushy sprouts were a thing… well it doesn’t bear thinking about. We all make mistakes at work so I let it ride.

Fish was nice, I left some of the chips with the peas on and headed home to work on my scared schoolboy voice.

That’s it for this edition, I was hoping to tick off another place on Friday but it still isn’t open so that’ll be for next time.

I need to start this blog with a follow up to last weeks edition. Mainly the frozen bread/Wetherspoons breakfast incident. It occurred to me on Friday evening that bread can be defrosted in the microwave. I did this once or twice back in the 90’s but it completely slipped my mind last week. Tried it and it worked a treat. Still glad I did Wetherspoons last week though as it was a good visit.

Anyway yesterday I woke up very excited. My beloved Walsall FC were going to be playing in The F.A Cup with the match being broadcast live on BBC1. The national broadcaster’s main channel. Apparently we were live on this back in the 80’s before my time as a Saddler but this was to be a first for me.

I was meeting the lads in Katz but needed breakfast first. Jack & Ada’s was busy, no setas available and the queue the longest I’ve ever seen it. The magic of The F.A Cup does have its downsides. It was 10.50 so I dashed round to McDonald’s. God bless whoever sanctioned the end of the breakfast menu being moved from 10.30 to 11.00.

I walked in and Christmas music was playing which concerned me as I’m taking part in Whamaggedon (a game where you have to go as far into December as possible without hearing the original version of Last Christmas) and was still alive on December 2nd after 1st day knock outs the past two years.

One double sausage and egg McMuffin and no Wham songs later I was heading to Katz. On entry Prince Charming by Adam & The Ants was playing. An excellent song to hear when you are avoiding Wham.

Swill, Matt Whelan, Josh and his daughter Maize were already in the upstairs room along with a few other Saddlers. Goughy and his dad joined us too. The room continued to fill, the jukebox was loaded with Blur songs and all was good in the world. Then the coverage started.

Kick off time approached and all of a sudden the match was called off. I felt for all my mates that had travelled to Alfreton but knew they’d just hit the local pubs so would make the best of it. I had been worried about the game, playing a non league team two levels below us as we are bang out of form to go with it.

Pezza arrived just after what would have been kick off, declaring just a few minutes earlier and he’d have gone home. We went downstairs and got stuck into the drinking. Cat anecdotes, Tinder comments and BBQ tips were all on the agenda for discussion.

We moved onto the The Fountain, a pub renowned for good beer and great cobs although upon entry the tray usually containing the latter was empty. Fair play to the barman who offered to rustle me up a ham and cheese cob. Goughy Snr rushed over to recommend the Silhill “Blonde”. Silhill is a brewery I know little about but their beers seem to be popping up in Walsall more and more, they are always good and this was no exception.

I was glad he made this shout as I had been struggling to read the beer menu chalked on the wall. I know dimly lit pubs seem to be all the rage nowadays but a least provide a bit of light in the appropriate areas.

This was another good visit but by early evening the group was dispersing. So I headed to Wetherspoons for a night cap, as you do at 5.30. Upon arrival though I really needed a toilet visit and not the urinal type. I vary rarely use the cubicles in pubs so it was a trip into the unknown. Trap 1 had a lock on the door but no seat on the loo. Trap two had no lock on the door but a seat on the loo. Trap 3 was occupied so he must have got the best of both worlds. It was getting time sensitive so I headed back to trap 1 and got to work.

Class day with great people. I got home earlier than planed, under budget without having my team embarrassed on national tv….and I’m still in Whamaggedon.

I woke up yesterday morning ready for a sausage sandwich. As per usual with my life there was a snag. The previous night I was to come home from the Prince Of Wales Theatre in Cannock and get bread out of the freezer. Unfortunately as I came through the bus station the 51 was in and this service goes by my house, but also by the Walsall Arms, one stop earlier. To conserve my Carbon Footprint of course I got off at the earlier stop and went to the Arms. 3 quick but decent pints later I went home and bread duties went out the window. You had one job etc etc.

So instead I went to Wetherspoons for breakfast. I didn’t shave or iron my t-shirt thinking I’d be in and out and nobody would see me. Wrong. The whole world and their mom were there. I was joined by Matty Lovatt who after getting over the shock of seeing me drinking coffee provided good company and conversation. More fellow Saddlers in Dave O’Shea, Leechie and Goughy made cameo appearances. Even Jaz the lovely landlady of the Walsall Arms was in.

The pub was decked out in Christmas attire. I know I’m a miserable sod and it’s different for pubs as they ave to appeal to the party goers but it’s still November. Mind you, Heart 80’s played Ghostbusters last week and Halloween is years away. The madness of forcing feast days on us early is spreading.

I had Eggs Benedict which was divine and quickly demolished. I say quickly, it didn’t start well. I must have had the bluntest knife in the place, only to realise it was upside down. To be fair I wasn’t very awake and not paying attention but it felt like payback for chuckling at the Rishi Sunak trying to use a hammer video a couple of days earlier. It was an enjoyable visit. Even a lass smiled at me twice as she passed. Yes I could have gone to the shop by my house for bread which would have been quicker and cheaper but where’s the fun in that? (P.s I’ve just had the sausage sandwich prior to typing this and it was bloody lush).

I went to ASDA. The good news is Mr Rustler had made a delivery so no empty fridge shelved this week. The bad news was the self service till being in an arsey and impatient mood, causing me to sigh repeatedly and thinking of the days when I’d be in the pub this time before a home match.

I went to the match. At half time we noticed that the vending machine had a precariously dangling pack of Rolo’s. We though of buying a pack of Quavers from above to dislodge them but regular readers of this blog will know of the frustration of trying to buy said snack product from said machine, dating back to last season. Yet again it came up as product disabled so that was out. Andy gave the machine a nudge and they fell. It was to prove to be the best attacking move by someone in a Walsall shirt all afternoon. He presented me with the whole pack. Now my previously relationships have not lasted long enough for me and the lass to reach the crucial “would you give them your last Rolo?” stage so to be given a whole pack was really good.

The match was shit and pretty dull. We have an impressive record of losing to teams at the bottom of the league so at least we broke that run with the uninspiring draw but there wasn’t much to get excited about. After the game Andy bought me a pint. A pack of Rolo’s and a pint off him? He got my vote for Man Of The Match.

I ventured out as I was meeting Woza because we were off to tick off a pub in Solihull. He was in the long line of football traffic so I stod on the corner of Wallows Lane and Bescot Crescent to wait. Yep, I was loitering on a street corner just down the road from Walsall’s famous red light district. I hadn’t been there long but a car pulled up. I know not what Woza drives, and it was dark inside so I approached tentatively, crouched down and looked in. It was Woza so I dived in but the bloke in the car behind must have thought he’d seen a live prostitute pick up.

The pub in Solihull was good but I’ll report on that another day. We headed back to Rushall so Woza could park up and get on the beers. First up was The Labour Club, a place I’ve never been in but I should have been on stage at this coming Friday as the fundraising team at work had organised a Trust’s Got Talent night. I’d been entered by my wonderful colleague Carole and was to perform the Jermaine Stewart classic “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes off”, but it got cancelled before I could publicise it. It will be rearranged though and I’m still practising and drinking the cherry wine.

We headed to The Manor Arms, passing the big McDonalds which sits on the site of a former pub The George & Dragon. One of my earliest memories was from outside that pub when I was stung by a wasp and I screamed the place down. Even as a little boy I didn’t turn down the chance to be very dramatic about the slightest of things.

In The Manor we talked Bond themes, as on Thursday I woke up somewhat hungover and had a lie in due to being off work. On Absollute Radio at about 10.30 they do a trivia question and this time it was “Which Bond theme song was recorded by Chris Cornell?” I’m quite good at Bond themes and said Quantum Of Solace and lay there waiting for the point to arrive. Except it didn’t. I’d got it wrong. It was Casino Royale. I asked Woza this and he said the same as me. Turns out the song for our choice as by Jack White and Alicia Keys which I didn’t even know was a thing. We then discussed over themes with me making references to the early Lucas/Walliams show Rock Profile where they play Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones where she is trying to claim other themes as hers and saying all the other Bond performers “don’t have the range”.

In The Boathouse there was a Ellie Goulding tribute act on. Woza doesn’t know any of her songs so on Wednesday I’d set him some homework which was to research some of her hits. “Did you do your homework?” I asked en route. “Did I fuck” he replied. I couldn’t say anything, at school I had a very casual approach to homework and I stil wonder why my GCSE results sheet contains enough E’s to make a drug addict jealous.

It was meant to be £5 in but due to the tickets not arriving in time it was made free. I can cope with that. Like any live music event I had a shopping list of songs I wanted to hear. This time it was “Burn”, “Love Me Like You Do” and “The Writer”. I’m always wary of tribute acts after heading back from a defeat at Scunthorpe a few years back which effectively secured our relegation but with a Shania Twain tribute on in The Wharf to look forward to. Only she didn’t do Shania’s best song “You’re Still The One”. Actual artists know the crowd pleasers, tributes not always. Would a Michael Jackson tribute not do “Dirty Diana” or “Leave Me Alone”? Would a Sophie B Hawkins one disregard her best song “Right Beside You”? (Sorry Craig, you know it’s true).

The singer was really good and she did Burn and Love Me Like You Do, both of which I joined in with enthusiastically. So from my shopping list it was a case of 2 out of 3 aint bad. Hang on, it wasn’t a Meatloaf night. Set one was all Ellie Goulding and set 2 was to be a mix up of songs which started with Kate Bush. I said to Woza “shall we go for curry? I came here for Ellie not Kate”. “But did you come here for bush?” he replied. “I always come for bush”.

We hit the curry house. Long time Rushall Balti but recently renamed Bollywood Tadka. It was warm and welcoming. The chicken tikka was the cheapest starter by a good margin so we both had that. For main I had butter chicken and butter naan. While Meghan Trainer is All About That Bass, I’m all about that butter. I know chips in a curry house is frowned upon in some quarters and I didn’t order the ones we had but I certainly helped polish them off.

The service was good and the food was excellent. Would definately reccomend. It’s licencend too as the pints of Cobra will testify. It came to just over £50 for our two meals.

The owner called me a taxi and I was home in no time. To make up for The Boathouse missing song I listened to The Writer on You Tube. Walking upstairs with Ellie Goulding, what a way to end an excellent day.