It’s been an odd few days and I’ve not really had any ideas for the usual style article so he’s a look at things that have been going on this week.

P-Lenty To Be Glum About.
This year has been proper poo already and what do we get to raise spirits? Lent. I was never a fan of Lent even as a kid when I actually got pancakes the day before. And nowadays when I don’t get any due to the two can’ts situation (cook and be arsed) it’s even worse. This year though I’m giving it a crack. I’ve given up sweets, chocolate, crisps, chip shop and scratchcards. With the pubs closed, these items have been my main source of spending. 40 days without those new KFC crisps or getting 2 £100,000’s out of three on a bit of card? Whatever shall I spend my money on? Well if Lent was another 3 months long I’d probably save enough to buy a Kentucky Fried Chicken clock (and afford the postage from America) that I’ve found on E-Bay.

I was tested early doors with an Ash Thursday visit to B&M where as soon as you walk through the door Fry’s lemon Turkish Delights and also Lion Bars are waiting to pounce on you . Fortunately willpower is strong in this one and I marched past the lot and headed for the bottles of toffee apple cider, which needless to say I haven’t given up.

I stuck to my tradition of marking Ash Wednesday by playing two songs by Ash, this time opting for Orpheus and A Life Less Ordinary. And I think we’d all take a life less ordinary at the moment. Open the pubs Boris.

We’re On A Road To Somewhere – Hopefully.
Talking of Boris, he is announcing his road map tomorrow. I’m a bit geeky with road maps despite having not driven a car since 1995 when I was absolutely robbed on my driving test.No VAR in those days. This geekyness helped me get all 10 on a round about motorways on Tenable recently. Yep, I’m hooked on Tenable. It’s one of my must watch tv shows along with Filthy House SOS and Find It, Fix It, Flog It. Anyway I’ve digressed but it links in with how I’ve taken to watching television during lockdown, which is hopefully starting to end with tomorrows announcement. I think we can write off going to football this season but hopefully we will be back in pubs soon. I just wanna see my mates. But after Thursday’s events I’m worrying that there will soon be a Mars variant of Covid and Matt Hancock will launch a fleet of spaceships like on 1980’s classic tv show V, and they will zap you if you sit on a bench or look longingly at a pub.

Just Another Test I Never Revised For.
So we had a bit of drama at work on Monday when someone in the office tested positive for Covid 19. We were all sent out to get tested and not return until we got our results. My test was in Walsall Town Hall. Well as future Mayor of this great town it seemed only right to visit during company time. I am more used to going there for beer festivals though and I’ve seen people there gag at drinking ale that didn’t agree with them, I didn’t think that one day I’d be gagging myself due to a long swab going down my throat. The last time I gagged this much was when I first tried the absolute Kryptonite that is cauliflower. I was really edgy on the bus there but I should have been relaxed. I’m so behind the times I’d have probably only caught Covid 12 or 13, and there’s bound to be plenty of vaccines for those. I tested negative, neatly matching my general approach to life.

Just what you want to see on a Monday morning.

Is That A Magnum In Your Pocket?
A story that I saw this week involved a man being jailed after trying to steal a bottle of champagne from M&S by sticking it down his pants. The report left me with questions. I don’t hold back on details when telling a story, even if they are grim so newspapers should report everything. What size was the bottle would be first. It it’s one of the big boys then any subsequent police chase and it would have been like watching Linford Christie win Olympic gold. Also, what was his plan for afterwards? Approach the missus whilst unbuttoning his fly and asking “jizz or fizz me darlin?” Yeah, perhaps it’s best that I’m not an investigative reporter.

Grim Pub News.
Word reached me this week that we are losing the King George V . I was too young but would have loved to have gone for a drink there before going to the game across the road at Fellows Park (our home ground until 1990 for non Saddler readers). You could have left the pub at 3.10, and still seen most of the first half. I bet it was amazing in there during those days. It’s another blow to the pre/post Walsall FC match day social scene though. Town or Fullbrook for me then when we’re back.

A highlight of that pub was many moons ago and a quiz night. We’d clearly been hit by injuries or international call ups so only two of us attended. At half time there was a bonus round where the prize was 8 free pints. The team that could name the most football clubs out of the main 92 beginning with B would get the prize. Jane had written them all down and handed the paper in before some teams had picked up their pens. I think I’d just about mustered Barnet and Bristol Rovers. Jane wasn’t in a drinking mood and I think she only had one of the pints, and they had to be consumed that evening so she left me to set about the rest. Which I did. I don’t recall much of the second half of the quiz. Those memories have more holes in them than a colander full of Polo Mints.

Oh Darrell, I Am But A Fool.
Well I didn’t see that coming (the manager of my football team walking out on us to join a team below us in the table that we have beaten twice this season). It wasn’t working but I thought he was going nowhere until his contract ended. I can only assume Leigh Pomlett spent Monday evening sat in just his pants making a Leonardo DiCaprio meme saying “When you can’t afford to sack your manager but then get compo for him”.
Sad it didn’t work out. That meet the manager night was just amazing. Everyone was already buzzing at Bonser finally relinquishing one of his Walsall FC hats, and the way Darrell spoke that evening I thought we’d appointed some kind of managerial magician. He could have shit in his hand and I’d have still shaken it. Anyway good luck to Brian Dutton.

He hadn’t shit in his hand.

And That’s It.
Thanks for reading. Have a good Sunday and hopefully it’ll be another pub article next week,