There are more new places to eat opening in Walsall. Not that I needed any additional motivation but this spurred me on to visit more places for the first time.

G. German Donner Kebab. 1A Littleton Street, Wisemore. Walsall.

I’d only heard good things about this place and as I was preparing to visit along came one of my best friends Swill with the first bad review. This made me even more keen to visit.

What a place.

My mate Dave came along for this review. This place is always rammed when I pass it but on this visit it was much quieter which I had absolutely no problem with. Service was quick, I was handed a disc thing, like a yoyo without the string and I left Dave to it at the counter and went to find a booth.

I started to make notes and auto correct changed the name to German Downer Kebab, but this certainly wasn’t the case. Suddenly the disc thing started buzzing and flashing red. I picked it up. Do I sit here or will someone come over? I looked round. “That’s yours” Dave said very helpfully. “Yes I know” I snapped back. Fortunately the waitress arrived with my food and the buzzing stopped.

Confusion causing disc thingy.

The meat options were beef or chicken. Puzzled by the choice of beef kebab I went for both (naturally, I am a fat greedy sod). I also had a Cherry Tango Ice Blast. Think Slush Puppy with a more modern trendy brand name.

Yum yum yum.

Dave had a £4 doner panini. He said he enjoyed it and was going to visit again which shocked me on both counts as normally he only eats pickled onions.

This was a great visit. When I picked this place for this letter I really hit the g spot. And it’s not often I can say that.

E. Elliot’s Cafe, Norton Road. Pelsall.

It was St George’s Day. I needed breakfast. I took a pleasant bus ride to Pelsall and called in here. I was immediately confused. To the left was the dining area which was cordoned off, but had one man sat in there, and to the right was one table with a couple sat at it. As I pondered what I had to do, one of the couple on the right ordered me to go up the counter. I must have had a neon sign above my head saying “first time visitor”.

Proper traditional cafe.

I approached the counter and asked if I could eat in, and the man said stuff along the lines of once you’ve paid you can sit down. Unfortunately the breakfasts were listed on the far side of the cordoned off area. They were also listed behind the counter but in writing too small for my eyes to contend with. I’d come for breakfast not an eye test. I pondered taking my glasses off, covering one eye and saying very slowly “I would like the medium breakfast etc” but even I am not that childish. The man started to explain the breakfasts but I am really not good at being put on the spot so I just opted for medium. I paid and the man then released the cordon like a bouncer letting you into the VIP area.

I sat down and was making notes when more people came in. I heard one order orange juice which I didn’t pay much attention too until he sat down. It was in a milk bottle like you used to get delivered in the 80’s. I was always jealous walking to school of people with orange juice on their door steps. I was tempted to go and order one for myself but I was far too excited.

Breakfast arrived it contained the two longest sausages that I have ever had on a breakfast, which was ace. The toast was cut correctly (horizontally) as well.

The food was good, quickly devoured and enjoyed but as I had the last mouthful a young couple walked in and they both had orange juice. I took this as a sign that God wanted me to have one, and well you have to keep him happy don’t you? So I grabbed one, smuggled it on the bus and drank it on the steps of The Saddlers Centre. This was a good visit.

More of this should be happening.

V. Village Chippy, 110 Lichfield Road. Rushall.

A while ago I appealed on Twitter for places that do battered chips in the borough of Walsall and this place got a couple of nods, so it was added to this to do list.

As I walked in I saw two signs marked up as “The Tasty Favourites”. I was shocked to see salad on one of these. Right, I’m not going to beat about the bush. Salad is shit. It’s not tasty and it’s nobody’s favourite, but I guess 0 out of 2 aint bad.

So salad is tasty but not mouthwatering enough to make this sign.

I opted for a cone of chips and to my delight the salt went on first which as you may remember I said was the right way in part 2 of this ridiculous series although upon publishing that one I found out I was very much in the minority :-).

They had a mossiv jar of pickled eggs which guarantees them entry into The Good Chippy Guide when I finally get round to writing that. Estimated publishing date early 2029. I’m quite lazy so it could be late 2029, but don’t stick it on your Christmas wish list that year just in case.

A good visit to be fair.

L. Lucky Star. 22 Lower Rushall Street. Walsall.

This was Eat Well for many years which I was a regular visitor to but I’ve not been since it changed hands and name. It’s now the 3rd Walsall venue named after a Madonna song following Vogue and Fever.

It’s more bright and airy than it used to be and feels bigger. The fish tank and those net curtains have gone. There is just one stool in the form of furnishings so if you are taking the good lady in your life prepare to stand while she sits down. Newspapers to read whilst waiting are no longer available.

Anyway the counters has screens up. One side says “order here” and the other “pay here”. I didn’t realise until afterwards that I had done both transactions at the “pay here” side. I’m such a law breaking badass.

I opted for the butterfly king prawns starter which comes with sweet and sour sauce. King prawn fried rice was the main. Bit king prawn heavy I appreciate. Good job that I like them.

It didn’t take long for the food to arrive but in the meantime I enjoyed the clanking of pans noises that you only get in Chinese takeaways.

Because this place is a 15 minute walk from my house I was worried that the food would be cold when I got home and I would have to deduct them points for this. As a football fan I am used to harsh points deductions being handed out. Fortunately I am good friends with Jason the landlord of The Victoria (Katz) pub next door and I’d been given permission to eat my food in there.

Lucky Star with licensed seating are next door.

The food was really good, I wolfed it down whilst getting much attention from one of the locals dog, who then didn’t want to know me when I’d finished. It was washed down with a pint of Muscle Mary which is a raspberry blush cider, whatever that means.

You can absolutely be my Lucky Star.

J. John Street Cafe. John Street. Walsall.

There are two doorways for this place and the nearest one has a big plant behind it so move onto the next one which lets you in.

It was strange walking down John Street, not to visit The Pretty Bricks.

In here you have to choose between beans or tomatoes on your breakfast, This is good. Tomatoes are evil and you shouldn’t have to request to opt out of them when you order.

I went for the medium breakfast, yes medium again. I really feel like my days of large and extra large breakfasts are behind me. I paid extra for fried bread and despite tea or coffee being included I opted for a can of pop also. Following the grave announcement that the Lemon variant of Fanta (my fave in that range) is being is being discontinued at the end of May I went for one of those. Had I got a rucksack with me I would have had every can of it out the fridge. The whole meal came to £5.50 which was excellent.

Music was being provided by Greatest Hits Radio and it was Charmless Man by Blur as I made my way to the table. What a tune.

Walsall FC chat with Mark the owner occurred whilst I was waiting which is always good.

The food arrived and it was very yummy, although when the radio started playing Everybody Dance by Chic there was almost some disruption to my munching. I like a boogie as much as the next man but it’s hard to dance and clap your hands clap your hands whilst shovelling egg on toast into your big gob so I resisted the urge and remained seated.

I most certainly will not dance. I’m demolishing this.

This was a nice, relaxed visit topped with Bar the Landlord of The Pretty Bricks making an appearance.

Right, that’s it for this edition. 10 More reviews to go, unless of course somewhere beginning with X suddenly opens, please let me know if one does. Cheers. Bye.