It was a lazy start to last Saturday. I’d risen late having been up after midnight watching The Traitors final on I-Player after getting home from Josh’s. I was too lethargic to even bother paying attention to my breakfast and ended up with over cooked eggs and bacon. The wholemeal wrap that they were going on only escaped this fate as it didn’t need introducing to a heat source.

Breakfast wasn’t the only thing being cooked. Remember only the 5th edition of this blog back in February 2021 when I was on about Mr Kipling home bake cake mixes and wondering if he couldn’t be arsed to make them anymore? Well I bought one and I finally got round to making it. I’ve not baked a cake since school days and that last one was in my bag when it got in the way of a fight between two of my friends. There was to be no broken jam jar on this occasion though.

It wasn’t great. Air fryers are brilliant for stuff that can flipped over but a cake? Not so. Mr Kipling makes exceedingly good cakes. I clearly don’t. Ended up cooking it in 3 stages. All a bit of a mess. I want to be on television again but I don’t think it’s going to be on a cookery show. I aint appearing on Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook…is that what it’s called? I’m crap with tv show names. Might be Can’t Cook, We’ll Take It Away. Either way, I’m not appearing alongside Ainsley Harriott anytime soon.

Anyway, Walsall were at home to Accrington. I remember when pre match was pub and chucking beer down me and now I’m baking cakes. I’ve turned into Mary Berry.

Anyway, the cake making didn’t hold me up but fannying around did and I missed the first 14 minutes of the match. I’m currently on loan to the upper tier and have been for the last few games which delights me even if my left knee isn’t quite so keen. The home match against Acccrington last season was an absolute shambles so i was hoping for better this time. Well it’s the hope that gets you. It was dreadful. Absolute non performance. Accriington seemed determined to finish the match with 10 men but the ref was having none of it.

It ended 0-0. We were spared the banter of an undeserved away goal like last season but there was nothing to get excited about. It seems that if betting companies brought out accumulators that include 5 matches that will be shit, Walsall v Accrington would be a banker. I did however enjoy the punditry from the array of Roy Keane’s that stood around me. I heard that the first 14 minutes was our best spell of the game so typical that I missed it.

I grabbed a coffee and headed to The Locker. I saw my niece Amber and told her of my late arrival. She got there after 24 minutes. I’m really chuffed that she has taken on my casual approach to kick off time and built on it. So proud.

A few of us headed to Katz. Me, Amber, JB, Laura, Pez and the children of the group Albie, Bella and Frankie. Fellow Saddlers Marvellous Matt Stacky, Tomo and Sue were also in and it was a good atmosphere. The kids started to use the sweet dispenser and I noticed it had Mini Eggs. This excited me. Comes to something when you’ve been to watch your beloved football team and seeing Mini Eggs on sale is the most exciting point of the afternoon. Laura asked if I wanted some but I declined. She produced a pound coin anyway and got me a tub. Cheers Laura. I still have them and allow myself one as I leave the house for work of a morning.

I’d heard the week before that The Oak Inn on Green Lane was closing this evening, so Josh was coming to over so we could make one last visit. He’d messaged to say he was cooking the kids tea and would then head over. I was peckish. I’d not eaten since breakfast. I hadn’t touched the cake. I’d decided to let it relax before sticking the knife in. I mentioned my hunger to Amber. “You’ve got to go past McDonald’s to get to The Oak Inn, ask Josh to take you to the drive trough.”

He phoned shortly afterwards. I had to try and steer the conversation towards McDonald’s and was prepared to bribe him with a turn n surf burger. I didn’t even get to finish the sentence. Here’s how the conversation went. “Geezer I’m just setting off.” “Nice one. I need to grab food though….” “I’m bringing you food.” What? You’re bringing me food now?”Yes.” “I know I’ve told you this a million times but I really don’t deserve you.” I swear he can read my mind. Don’t know how he does it. Soon he was pulling up and handed me a Tupperware box containing fries and pizza. I got stuck in straight away. I didn’t even stop to consider how I could eat them in a way to irritate him as I usually do but I did eat every single one of the fries first then the pizza which would have met some of the criteria.

We were soon outside The Oak, I posed for one last picture. Josh headed over the road to take the shot but just as he did a bloke came out for a fag. He wanted to know why I was having a picture and was he in it etc. I explained it was for a blog, but it wasn’t the easiest of discussions. Josh thought it was going downhill and came rushing over. I told the bloke I’d get a picture on the way out and headed in. The smoking ban is a real pain in the arse for pub picture takers as there is usually always people outside. The government didn’t think this through.

Inside and it was very busy with a rock disco in full flow. Adam and Annabelle have had the pub for 10 years and have done a good job. No sign of Annabelle though and Adam was on his own, combining serving and glass washing. A bloke came in, stood next to me and make it quite clear to Adam that he wanted serving. He was severely nonplussed when Adam came to me, when it actually was my turn and he then missed his chance as he’d turned around talking. Drinks purchased and we headed outside.

Outside and Josh asked me to name the 3 shittest Walsall beer gardens. We both agreed on The Funny House (Crown Inn) on Long Acre Street, which comes complete with a still in use washing line, which Josh said he’d hung his Walsall shirt on once.

We headed back inside, as we were preparing to leave Josh asked “are you having a last toilet?” “I don’t need to go, but I need to go if that makes sense.” Sad to see another pub shut. Wishing Adam and Annabelle all the best in their next chapter. Rock disco was good with “Temple Of Love” by The Sisters Of Mercy the pick of the songs.

“Let’s go somewhere random” I suggested. After a brief conflab we settled on The 7 Stars on Stafford Street,a pub I’ve not been in since I moved away from Lewis Street 10 years ago but I was regular during that residency. I’ve only tried to go once since and it was shut. This time, at 9.45 on a Saturday night, it was again shut. “Hope it hasn’t gone” I commented. A quick WhatsApp exchange with out Stafford Street correspondent Chris Kelly the next day confirmed it is still open but the hours are somewhat sporadic.

Back to the car and the drawing board and we settled on The Duke Of York in Chuckery. Not been in here since going for a magnificent Desi mixed grill (now discontinued) pre Covid and a new tick for Josh. This pub made national news in 2021 when it was raided for serving during lock down. Andrew Mountbatten Windsor as he likes to be called nowadays would have been chuffed that another Duke Of York had given him a brief break from the media.

We went in the lounge first which had one person in but Josh noticed the back room looked livelier. We attempted to swap rooms and headed towards the ladies loo thinking that was the way. Barman stopped us and advised we had to go via the street. This was new on Josh having to go outside to swap rooms at a pub and asked if I knew of another in Walsall, which I couldn’t think of any. Please comment if you do. In the other room there was more women than men, totally fine by us. The table football was out of bounds due to being temporarily repurposed as a ladies cloakroom, there was also a pool table but we were never going to be using that.

Music? I didn’t know any of it. I don’t have Shazam capabilities on my phone but none of the songs had me wishing I did. One track amused me though. I think it was influenced by Father Jack on Father Ted. It was just a series of words with the second one always being “drink.” They could have mixed up a bit though with the occasional “feck” or “arse” though.

We didn’t stay long and had to be let out the door. I pondered as we walked down the street. We clearly didn’t know our way round the pub, didn’t interact with anyone in there, sat with our backs to the bar and I was making notes on my phone. “We must have looked so suspicious to them” I commented. “Yeah” Josh replied “with the age difference between us, they weren’t thinking we’re best mates. More like work colleagues.” This got me thinking. Josh and I as work colleagues? He’d spend the whole shift feeding me and I’d get nothing done. Actually I’m warming to it. I might put us both down for overtime.

At The Walsall Arms, Jodi was dj-ing and it was one of her request a song nights. I am yet to put a request in. I decided tonight was the night to change this. I was feeling some classic 90’s dance and quickly came up with a shortlist to choose from They all offered pros and zero cons. (1) K-Klass “Rhythm Is A Mystery.” Pro – belter of a tune and at that juncture I quite fancied moving my body to the rhythm of love. (2) N-Trance “Set You Free.” Pro – absolute classic and long standing favourite of mine. The place would have gone up and you need joyousness like that once in a while. (3) Brothers In Rhythm “Such A Good Feeling.” Pro – this had popped in my head at 3am and I’d had to get up and Google/YouTube it and I wanted to hear it again whilst fully awake. (4) JX – “There’s Nothing I Won’t Do.” Pro – tuuuuuune and I know Josh loves it. After all that I didn’t bother asking for any of them. If you’re reading Jodi, next time please yeah?

Alison was serving and I think she was a bit puzzled by my order of two halves, one being a diet pop. Me ordering halves. God I’ve turned into Ken Barlow.

I caught up with Jodi after a while and complimented her saying all the songs had been great so far. For a bit of banter she put UB40 on next. I’m glad I made that statement before this.

Cracking evening, and it was good to see so many people during and after the match. Right, gotta go. I’m off to play some classic 90’s dance. I have a shortlist.