Following the success of volume 1 – detailed here, I felt I needed to get back out there and do more curry. Tough job yeah, but somebody’s got to do it.

Kiran’s Balti – 7 Church Street, Darlaston, WS10 8DU. Reviewed 11/05/26.

I’d been on a mission in Darlaston, had an hour or so to kill before I had to be in Wednesbury and was peckish. I was aware of this place having been once before with Cardboard Boxes 2 Go colleagues Shelley, Justine and Ade and upon reaching the place I saw a 4 course meal for £15 offer on. Go on then.

I was the first customer. So early, the waiter had to turn the toilet light on for me.

It’s a nicely decked out place and my table had a choice of black or red chair. I chose red. 

Nargis Kebab could be starter or a main. What was it going to be as a main? An ostrich egg? I need to go back and “research.” The starter list is extensive but obviously as soon as I saw the Nargis it was “come to daddy.” 

Didn’t have to wait long for the Nargis. It was slightly overcooked but I had a good go at the salad. The day before I’d had my first ever “fill your own” salad box from Mozzas (Morrisons) so I must finally be getting a taste for it. Old me would have just picked at the purple onion. Yes, I’m one of those that refuses to call them red onion. 

Chicken tikka massalla and cheese naan was the main and it was great. The naan was one of the best yet. 

I had a panic about if I could pay by card and thankfully I could but the bill came to £17.50 with the coffee which was exactly what I had in His Majesty’s coins and notes so that worked well. The bill came with a chocolate too.

Some more folk had turned up, so I hope they appreciated my good work in getting the loo light on. Strange feeling as I left the curry house in broad daylight but it was a great visit. 

Simla – 29 High Street, Walsall Wood, WS9 9LR. Reviewed 20/06/26.

Rob Harvey messaged one day and offered to shout me a curry for missing my birthday. I’m very easily bought and curry is one of the currencies that I accept. I agreed post haste. He suggested Mizan Spice in Walsall Wood with the recommendation of the chicken tikka. Google and Mizan’s own website said it opened at 5pm so we agreed to meet there at that juncture.

The number 10 bus was behaving – that can’t be said of some of the fellow passengers and I was at Mizan Spice bang on time. Rob arrived and we marched in. “Are you open?” Asked Rob. I don’t like talking so let him take the lead in these situations. “You can have take away, but you can’t sit in until 6.”

We trudged out. “We’ve got an hour to kill then” announced Rob. “No we haven’t. We’re going elsewhere.” I appreciate that this stance makes me sound like a nob. I swear I’m a patient man but when the widest of the world’s web has advised 5pm opening, I’m not hanging around till 6. Wait an hour for my poppadoms? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

We had an emergency committee meeting and opted for Simla on the main street. It’s been on my radar for a while so was up for ticking it off.

After Rob experimented with a couple of parking spots we headed in and no issues here. It’s a cozy little place, and because I’m sad and got absolutely no life I took time to count the seats. It holds 24 but I’m no Rachel Riley so it may be 1 or 2 either way. Decked out heavily with artificial flowers too and it’s a nice environment. We were the first seated customers but it soon became apparent that take away sales were doing well.

“They do Nargis Kebab. Are you having one?” Asked Rob. I hadn’t even looked at the starters. Rob was paying and I didn’t want to take the piss. “Can I please?” “Of course.” Go on then. 

Two Butter Chickens are listed. One called Butter Chicken and the other Tandoori Makhani Masala. I’ve learned about as much in life as Sam Cooke did at school but I do know that Makhani is a posh word for butter chicken so I went for the one with the sexier name and a cheese naan. Along with the obligatory Nargis. 

Rob grilled the waiter before going Chicken Pakora starter, Special Mixed Balti requesting extra chicken within which I didn’t know was a thing. I’d already ordered but I’m so trying that next time. He rounded off with garlic fried rice and 2 chapattis. 2 Chapattis is usually my standard but as we were eating early I wanted filling up hence the cheese naan. Don’t think the place is licensed but I’m willing to be wrong. We both went Diet Coke and didn’t ask about booze.

The Nargis was OK. Cheese naan epic and curry really good. Rob called it standard high street fare and gave it 7/10. He then said I should rank curry meals on how much out of 10 I’d have it as my last death row meal. Yep, this one wouldn’t be that. I then pondered what I’d end up on death row for. I won’t go into that here. I can be quite twisted when I put my mind to it.

Music was standard curry house tuneage but one song towards the end I really got into. I was proper bopping in my seat. Sadly I don’t have apps that can advise song details but I’d describe it as Bhangra Enrique Iglesias who’d been partially inspired by Spin Doctors “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong.” 

Toilet was clean but somewhat compact. Old 16 stone me might have had fun trying to leave it. Music could just about be heard which I know is important to Swill- he docks points for breaches of this.

The hand wipe towels were hot and free chocolate provided which gets points from me.

Decent enough meal. Cheers Rob. I’m off to research what they wear on death row and see if I’ll look decent in it.

Old Engine – 14 Bull Street, Darlaston, WS10 8AX. Reviewed 28/07/26.

I walked past this 3 million times when I was working for Corroy Products, it had a different name then. Two letters I think. JD’s is in my head but appreciate I could be getting mixed up with a sports shop.

My then colleague Marie and I visited every Darlaston pub in search of our Friday dinner time pint venue, but despite being the closest to our work, we didn’t do this place. We were young. We didn’t realise a shorter walk meant more drinking time.

It was 2011, 11 years after I left Corroy that I made my only previous visit when Woza took me in for a Pub Challenge volume 1 tick.

We weren’t going here this night but it ended up being a late, emergency plan b when Gupshup Lounge in Walsall town centre we were going to wasn’t open on a Tuesday despite the times on their Facebook page advising otherwise.

Josh suggested Old Engine, called and checked food times and we made it for 8.45pm, 15 minutes before (food) last orders.

Drinks were cheap. £4.50 for a Sharps Atlantic and a Pepsi Max. The barman lost a point though for giving Josh my change.  

I was famished so didn’t peruse too much, opting just for the large mixed grill £20 while Josh went smaller mixed grill £17 and Masala chips £3. I checked he didn’t want more. I was paying as a thank you to him for all the times he cooks for me at his but he assured me he was happy. 

The mixed grills contained “green tikka” and “Malai tikka.” Not sure on either but the former intrigued me more. I don’t do green food. Cabbage? No. Sprouts? Absolutely not. Peas? I aint John Major. Green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I Am.

Food came quickly – bit too quickly as I was trying to email Josh a document and my phone was playing up and it was stressing me out. I think I thanked the waitress but couldn’t be sure. This stressed me out even more. I must have asked Josh 3 times “did I thank the waitress?” He’d gone into Homer Simpson “can’t talk! Eating” mode.

He got unexpected fish pakora on his which he gave me and I got to work. The thought of not being polite continued to eat away at me faster than I was tucking into the food.

It was really good food though. The Green tikka was different but was good. Time was getting on and we still had another mission at The Green Dragon up the road so I gave Josh my two lamb chops as his cutlery had been dormant for a while. 

Upon finishing I advanced towards the open plan kitchen where the waitress was and basically went overboard with the thanks. It went something like “thank you. Thanks so much. Never had Green tikka before. Thank you for introducing me to it. Thanks again.” They will think I’m polite if it kills me. They were probably thinking ‘alright George, we get the picture. Leave us alone. Or a tip.’

Great visit this. First time there for Josh. He loved it. Good job I no longer work 5 minutes away, I’d be fat and bankrupt after a month