On Saturday I was off to Sheffield to meet local resident and Pub Twitter Royalty in the form of retiredmartin @NHS_Martin for the first time. He’s a fellow blogger and you can catch his great site retiredmartin – On permanent exploration of places, pubs, people and new music.. He’s visited every pub in The Good Beer, and every year gets the latest edition and ticks off the new entries. Major respect.

I love Sheffield. Have been on Pub crawls a few times, and I boast a 100% record from football visits. 4 defeats for Walsall FC across both stadiums.

First it was McDonald’s. I’d seen in the week the traumatising news that the Toffee Latte is being discontinued in September so I had to grab one for the train. To show my displeasure at this announcement, I shall be boycotting McDonald’s Monopoly this year. Ok, that’s fake news. Of course I won’t. I’ll be there on the first day. And they know this.

The train from Brum was good. The carriage was full of Swansea fans on their way to Derby for the early kick off. Their songs were good. One about a bloke (I don’t know who) being a twat, Kim Yong Un got a mention in another and “Swans away a-ha a-ha I like it” was destined to be in my head all day. 

At Sheffield station there was a queue for the toilets. I’ve never known blokes have to queue for the bogs other than at Crewe’s ground. There were only two urinals and one cubicle was out of order.

Martin was waiting for me outside and whisked me straight off. Driving through what he called “Arctic Monkeys territory” as it’s where they grew up and we saw Hillsborough which was getting ready for the home game against Bromley.

First stop was Cow And Calf which is in an old farm. Other than the sign on the road it has no branding and you wouldn’t know it’s a pub. It’s a Sam Smiths pub (the brewer not the strange singer bloke) and a “digital detox” venue like all of his establishments so no phones or laptops are allowed. No music, jukebox or fruit machines either.

The barmaid was friendly and the building was lovely. It felt very Emmerdale Farm. I did search the pub just case Patsy Kensit was about. She wasn’t.

From there it was off to the village of Midhopestones and Ye Olde Mustard Pot. This was the main reason for today’s trip. It was a good drive out and gave us chance to talk. Pubs were the main focus, and football came up. Martin revealing that he attended both legs of our 9-3 play off semi final defeat in 1993. Didn’t think that would be popping up in the conversation. I’ve only just completed the therapy that I needed after that.

Deacon Blue also cropped up. I’d mentioned on Twitter recently in response to one of his blogs that my fave song of theirs is “Fergus Sings The Blues” but I also liked another one that I didn’t know the name of. I hate having gaps in my music knowledge. I tried to explain what I think the lyrics are. “”There’s a girl, in a big world, with a big smile.” I wasn’t convinced I’d got them right when relaying them and guessed I didn’t sound it. Didn’t attempt to sing it. Didn’t want to risk being dumped in the middle of nowhere.

It was a stunning drive though with some great scenery. Martin turned down my offer of petrol money. He said he’d rather be visiting pubs than sitting in the house. I was so grateful though. Would have been a ballache to get to via public transport. Ye Olde Mustard Pot was great but I’ll go into that visit another time.

We stopped at Martins for him to drop off the car and pick up Mrs RM as she’s called on his blog. From there we headed to Blind Monkey, their local. It was busy with Sheffield Wednesday fans enjoying pre match suppage.

Martin shouted us all pizza. I tried to pay but was waved away with the line “buy the chips when I come to Walsall.” I can certainly deal on those terms. The pizza was ace and the pub great. A place like that on my doorstep would ruin me, both financially and health wise.

From there we went back to their lovely house for a cuppa. En route I noticed a delivery driver had left a box on a doorstep in the rain. Hope it wasn’t full of fireworks or blotting paper.

We were going to get the bus back into the city but it was delayed by 19 minutes. Martin was shocked by this but it sounded like heaven compared to what I used to have to put up with on the 334 to work in Bilston.

The walk was good though and I got to see the “horrific” as it was referred Ronnie O’Sullivan mural that had made national news the day before.

The rain was getting harder but we still saw a top less bloke who didn’t give a rats ass about the conditions. A top less bloke is always a good box ticked.

The Wellington was next, Martin commenting that you can get “a cob and a beer that’s too strong.” He then ushered me into a side room where he said  “magic happens.”

I hadn’t been following the Walsall score but saw it was  2-1 to us at half time. Our goals were in the 8th minute and 45 + 6. I’d have missed both had I been there. Another good pub this, busy with a great atmosphere.

The rain came down harder and I admitted defeat. I’d gone full “I can handle the rain, I’m used to it as a lower league football fan” but now it was taking the piss after months of drought. I’d made a last second decision to put my raincoat in my man bag and stuck it on. I was going to get increasingly pleased with that decision as the day wore on.

“What’s the best thing to do in the rain?” Martin asked. I didn’t need to phone a friend on this one. “Go to the pub” which was the correct answer. We turned a corner and were at Shakespeares. Obviously named after Craig Shakespeare who played for both Walsall and Wednesday.

This a cool, student vibey place with decent music. Song of the day contender Acquiesce by Oasis came on. I didn’t want to be that staring at phone screen guy but the Walsall match was drawing to a close, do I checked. We were 3-2 up, 8 minutes of stoppage time and the BBC website seemed stuck on 90 +6 for yonks with the live text reporting that Albert Adomah was giving away free kicks in attacking positions. Honestly it was worse than waiting for full time to come up on Ceefax. Noel Gallagher was belting out “cause we neeeeeeeeed each other.” Noel, I’d normally agree but right now we need full time more. It came up on Martins phone first. Nice win Saddlers. Sheffield Wednesday win 7-2 so there was much rejoicing.

The clock was ticking though so we had to depart even though The Cure were just starting. I can’t remember which song, sorry. I don’t minute everything.

As we approached The Howard, Martin mentioned we’d done 8000 steps that day. I’d probably done 2000 more though with toilet visits. The Howard had the first fruit  machines I’d seen all day and was very lively with pro Oasis Chesterfield fans in good voice. Acquiesce was following us around determined to nail song of the day.

We made a dash to Rutland Arms which is my Sheffield “must visit” pub. Home of the Slutty Rutty Butty – my favourite pub food name along with the Smelly Elly Burger at the Elephant & Castle in Lewes.

I inadvertently but absolutely gate-crashed a photo being taken of two ladies. I apologised and they laughed it off. I reckon they secretly favourited the one with me. I was surprised that in a city that gave us Arctic Monkeys, Pulp, Human League and Reverend and The Makers that someone put I Should Be So Lucky on the jukebox – or the play music box thing as the sign above it said on my first visit. I don’t mind a bit of Kylie though so all good. I did notice that two of those artists are on the permanently banned list.

It was time to bid Martin and Sheffield goodbye but I’ll definitely see both again. Only The Howard and Rutland Arms were revisits so good to tick more Sheffield pubs off but I’m hungry for more.

The station toilet queue was longer than earlier but during the day someone had taken it upon themselves to declare the out of order cubicle open and had moved the cone slightly out the way and left the tape hanging down. I didn’t use it.

The train was half an hour late but was a quieter ride than earlier. I made friends with the lad next to me, a Plymouth fan. He instigated it, well it would never be me and I told him to make sure he claimed compensation for the delay.

Back in town I popped to the Walsall Arms just to round the day off. It was Jodi’s request night and she asked me to pick a song and put me right on the spot and my mind went blank. I should have asked for Deacon Blue’s back catalogue until that song came on.

I only had one then popped to Danny’s Chicken as it’s been centuries since my last visit. He gave me a piece on top of my order which rounded the day off nicely.

It was now monsoon season in Walsall but I cared not. Not even the rain was putting a dampener on that cracking day. I still had “Swans away a-ha a-ha” in my head.